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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
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Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Look To Your Soul Now, And Open Your Mind
Mood:  down
Topic: "Liberal Lament" (40)

During the recent millennium, which in reality only lasted eight years, Frodo grew very weary of the assertions that it was the responsibility of government to defend the people, as if government carried no other function at all.  Frodo often averred that it was the responsibility of government to make sure that no American froze to death, or starved, in the dark.  Frodo believed that this was truly something with which all Americans agreed, but that only liberals could put into words.  Many Republicans, it seems, get very righteous, if not downright indignant, when forced to support a fellow countryman in any situation which cannot be otherwise classified as purely gratuitous.  The concept of welfare is cast upon their souls, and they retch.

Mr. Marvin E. Schur, of Bay City, Michigan, froze to death inside his home earlier this week.  Mr. Schur, a widower, had no children, and he was, until yesterday, 93 years old.  Mr. Schur, it seems, owed Bay City Electric Light & Power more than $1,000 in unpaid bills.  The Bay City Manager, Robert Belleman, said that a city utility worker had installed a "limiter" device to restrict the use of electricity at Mr. Schur's residence.  Such a device, it seems, blows out, like a fuse, if "consumption" rises above a certain level.  There is no indication that anyone explained the device, or how it operated, to Mr. Schur.

Remember, for the love of Pete, we're talking about Michigan, in January.

A neighbor discovered Mr. Schur's body on Monday.  Beside the body were each of the delinquent notices; paper-clipped to each was cash sufficient enough to satisfy each and every notice.  Mr. Schur had voluntarily surrendered his drivers license several years ago.  His telephone, designed for those with normal hearing, was useless.

Robert Belleman, in response to a reporter's question, said that the city policies would be reviewed, but he did not feel that the city had done anything wrong.  "I've said this before and some of my colleagues have said this:  Neighbors need to keep an eye on neighbors," said Belleman.

Born during the First World War, Marvin Schur survived that War, and several more.  He lived through the greatest Depression, and he saw man land on the moon.  He was, unfortunately, not able to survive the installation of a "limiter."  Timely payment did him in.  Poor, silly, old man.

Mr. Belleman, respectfully, you suck!

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:00 PM EST
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Saturday, January 24, 2009
Walk On Through The Rain, And You'll Never Walk Alone
Mood:  hug me
Topic: "Friend by your Side" (4)

Weekends in the Shire are often filled by ritual.  In modern times, that has included a game of soccer, followed by a game of tennis ball and, shortly thereafter, a walkabout.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, and Fiona ("the most beautiful girl in the world") participate with ageless Frodo, if, indeed, participate is the proper word.  There is an anxiety in brown-eyed creatures in early morn, and an expectation of ritual observance despite the clime.  That is why a Hobbit and two canine companions played in the rain this day.

Frodo knows that days such as these, despite the inconvenience of mud and wet, are to be savored.  There is gray about the muzzle of Mick, the Wonder Dog, and Princess Fiona limps noticeably, a fact which even a strong heart cannot hide.  In days past it was Lucky, Snooze, Sig, Prissy, Lovey, Gumbo, and Georgia who alternately led, then followed, the Hobbit on his merry rounds.  Rocky and Punkin,' the feline predecessors to Beau Neau McKitty, and both Peeper and Sydney from the airways, have been significant contributors to adventure and heartbreak.  A "family reunion" is an event that will occur only when Frodo eventually enters the proper gate, and tosses tennis balls from every cloud.

Frodo and Sam have often discussed the existence of a "puppy angel,"  omnipresent, when needed.  The existence of which was something that Frodo mentioned in conversation in recent days.  A friend, who recently lost employment, told Frodo that the most difficult of adjustments is that which comes with having nothing to do at 6:00 AM.  Frodo immediately interjected that a daily duty of his in the subject time period is the approximate correlation of urination and the first entry by the Wonder Dog into the gardens of the Shire.  His friend laughed, then began to consider the deeper meaning of Frodo's comments.

Frodo and companions will soon pursue the walkabout for this day.  Despite his protestations to the contrary, Frodo knows that Mick, the Wonder Dog, will take note of every fresh pile of poop deposited within the distance of a leash for the next hour or so.  Fiona will observe Mick, the Wonder Dog's inattention at such moments, and will bark an alarm in order to elicit a feverish response.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, never seems to catch on, for it is his sworn duty to ever defend his smaller friend, and he reacts thusly.  The annoyances are part of the joy, and that is one of the reasons why the contingent seems to enjoy their time together.  At least that is what smiles and long tongues tell Frodo.

Mick, the Wonder Dog, is a working dog by definition.  One such as he requires physical activity each and every day, and to do less is cruel.  Frodo knew that going in, and he has never regretted one second of the commitment.  The activity is good for Frodo, and never leaves him with idle time on his hands, for Mick, the Wonder Dog, does not compute a maximum amount of activity, then call it a day.  He is always ready to go.

Frodo cannot help but think about what comes next.  Sasha and Melia are all agog over their first puppy, while Sam has been rather outspoken in the avoidance of the future demands that an untrained producer of waste products requires.  Frodo knows only that he will always need someone to talk to who is as impressed with his musings as well as with his blather.  Such a companion is, indeed, a wonder. 

All things considered, it is another good day in the Shire.        


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:08 PM EST
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Wednesday, January 21, 2009
At Last
Mood:  special
Topic: "Bettah than Etta"(4)

Listening to Etta James sing "At Last" puts the taste of branded whiskey on Frodo's lips.  Passersby to his motorcar must look askance as he rocks gently to the sensual interlude he enjoys with this virtual serenade on his radio.  It is one of those moments which change his entire mood, and which ease all of his troubles.  For something less than four minutes, he feels a feminine caress over his brow, and both body heat and curling smoke rings are recast.  Maybe not his favorite recording, but certainly very high on the list.

Last evening, as he considered the fact that soon his entries will carry the designation (5) and beyond, Frodo realized that the words before you, dear reader, are the first not inspired by the rule of Sauron.  Watching the replacement enter to the presence of adoring participants at the "Neighbors Ball," he was stirred by the champagne presence of a gowned beauty who caught the magic of Etta James.  The rendition of "At Last," dedicated to President Barack Obama by Beyonce, while Obama shuffled alongside the graceful Michelle, will live with Frodo for the rest of his days.  It was a stirring audio and visual decoupage which can only be compared to sugar plum fairies and Russian composers.  This is an extremely gifted, much less inspired, artist.  For that fact, Frodo will excuse her forays into exposed hip-hop and the bump-and-grind of canine behavior.  

It is fitting that Frodo begin the post-Sauron adventure with reference to that which is the art of his time.  The music we make, dear reader, lets us paint pictures which befit any gallery, and the young lady who surpassed perfection with her performance last evening is a masterpiece.     


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:57 PM EST
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Monday, January 19, 2009
Let's Get Together And Feel All Right
Mood:  party time!
Topic: "Free Hidden Telecast"(4)

Not unlike much of America, Frodo was all geared up to watch the free concert at the Lincoln Memorial yesterday afternoon.  Bruce Springsteen still has greater appeal for the Hobbit than does Donovan McNabb or Larry Fitzgerald, so it is not hard to imagine his disappointment when the announcers on MSNBC informed him that the rights to the concert had been "sold," and that they would not be allowed to broadcast the performances.  Masking his disappointment with a little bit of ingenuity, since no one was willing to say to whom the broadcast rights had been "sold," he started pushing the remote.  Eventually, he found that HBO was simulcasting the rights they had purchased to each of the cable or satellite channels, and that Frodo therefore had access to the performances on his Direct TV 101 channel.  He did not think, until later, how disappointed so many others would be because they did not have such access.

The concert performances, interspersed with a speech by both the PEBO and the VPEJB, and selected readings by performers who, like Frodo, cannot carry a tune, were spectacular.  Only Elvis Presley, Rod Stewart, and the Rolling Stones in Concert have moved the Hobbit in ways that even compare to what was presented yesterday.  Garth Brooks created a moment which will live forever when he engaged tens of thousands in "Shout," and even "no Drama Obama" clapped and sang with a song made famous by his fellow Chicagoans, the Blues Brothers.  It was Beyonce who closed the world with her all-join-in rendition of "My Country 'Tis of Thee," that made Frodo remember that Martin Luther King, in that very spot, spake the same words in his "I Have a Dream" speech.  Once again, the orchestration of history and hope had been brought together in truly professional perspective.

Ah but, dear reader, nothing prepared the Hobbit for the "Boss" bringing 89-year-old Pete Seeger with him on stage.  Together they engaged the world with all six verses of "This Land Is Your Land," and even Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog, danced and sang with Frodo and Sam.  Recall that it was Seeger who introduced "We Shall Overcome," to Dr. King, and taught him the words to the hymn of the civil rights movement itself.  Seeger, the workers' friend, tried as a Communist in the days of McCarthy (the evil one), proved, once again, that patriots do come in all shapes and sizes.

Joy was all about until Frodo realized that the "free" concert would not be "free" for lots of people, and he was sorely disappointed.  It is something that needs to be shared.  Frodo knows that things like this cost lots of money, even when performers do so gratis.  It just doesn't seem right that it is always those with the least of means who miss the show.  HBO, he is sure, will broadcast the performances for many days, and, eventually, "sell" their rights to a broadcast network.  Admittedly, it will not be the same as the spoantaneity of the moment.  Warm up your popcorn poppers though dear reader, for Frodo will alert you when it does appear on the black-and-white, and remember to prepare for the conversion to digital from analog.  Failing that, even Frodo will have no clue.

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:57 PM EST
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Sunday, January 18, 2009
I'll Be The Hero You're Dreaming Of
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: "Ballamer" (4)

It was truly in black-and-white, and that is the way that Frodo will always remember the images.  Slowly, without fanfare, the people came to pay their respects, and to share their grief.  As the train pulled into the train station in Baltimore, they began to sing, acappella, the mournful tune that was the favorite of he whom they lamented.  It was a song that Andy Williams performed at the funeral, a song which he swore to sing no more after that day.  It was a song that Frodo will always associate with those people who shared his grief as that train passed slowly by.  Baltimore, and its' very special people, earned Frodo's respect, and his affection, that truly terrible day.

Yesterday, just over forty years later, another train moved slowly southward toward Baltimore.  Frodo's black-and-white has long ago been replaced by superior technology, but he expected the imagery to be just the same.  Instead, the networks chose not to dwell on the comparison in Frodo's mind, forgetting, if not unaware, just how emotional such a moment might be for those who suffered so greatly.  The moments in Baltimore on this day were to be for the hopeful, the dreamers, those who look forward.  They would not provide fresh moments for those who live in memory.

It is, muses Frodo, as the PEBO (President-Elect Barack Obama) has orchestrated or been orchestrated throughout his campaign.  It is not the time to dwell on that which is behind us, simply because the tasks ahead are so daunting.  He would argue that we should never forget that which joins us all, the common experience, but forgiveness and letting our grief take its proper place are what we must do.

The younger ones know that to be true.  So, too, do the ghosts that stood there, unseen, along those railroad tracks, singing.  Frodo has reason, once again, to appreciate, and to respect, the images of Baltimore.  The tears were fresh, and proud. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 4:49 AM EST
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Saturday, January 17, 2009
Move It, Move It, Move It
Mood:  rushed
Topic: "Hobbits And a Truck"(4)

"Hold it right there.  Can I help you?"

"Sure General.  How're you?  We're the movers."

"The movers?  Buddy, this is a pick-up truck?  I suppose you have some identification and documentation?"

"Raht cheer General.  We're 'Hobbits And a Truck,' no job too big or too small."

"Hmm.  Wait right there while I check on this."

"Sure thing General.  And while you're at it, would you check and see if they're prepared to pay cash?"

"You expect to be paid in cash?"

"That's the deal General, plus ain't you seen what's goin' on?  Man, no one can take a check on any bank and feel good about it."

"Hah.  You're right on that one."

"Now don't take too long, we'd like to get on the road to Texas fore dark."

"Charlie, you're not gonna believe this.  These guys ARE the movers."

"Jes what I told ya General.  Now listen, y'all boys know of a liquor store around here somewhere?  We need to get a few boxes."

"Central Liquor is on 15th, just around the corner from the FBI.  You guys need boxes for packing?"

"Sure, that's one way to hold costs down for our customers.  What's the story here, this place gettin' foreclosed upon?"

"Well, you might say that."

"This place looks kinda familiar."

"This your first trip to Washington?"

"Never been here before.  Jes took this job so's we could come and visit our money."

"That's an old joke."

"We ain't spring chickens ourselves."

"Well, just pull over here to the right, circle around to the back, and the guards there will direct you to the exit right by the elevator.  Do not get out of your truck until they tell you to do so.  They will screen you through security and search your truck."

"Say what General?  Search our truck?  Nobody said nothin' bout searchin' no truck.  Shoot, there might be an old reefer or somethin' in the bed."

"How did you boys get this job in the first place?"

"Well, Tom Bombadil here worked it out with this ole gal he met up in Alaska."

"Yeah?"

"We were up there lookin' for work at a turkey processing plant, and Tom was havin' a beer outside this here trailer park, when this ole gal come up ta him and started puttin' moves on him.  Well, he told her he wasn't much interested since he was a little short of cash."

"Then what?"

"Well General, she told him she might be able to help him out in that regard.  Next thing we know, we're on our way to Washinton to pick up a load of furniture and to take it to Texas."

"Interesting."

"That ain't the half of it.  Ole Tom here, jes been sittin' and smilin' ever since.  Only thing he's said is that from now on we're to address him as 'Joe DaPlummer'."

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:35 PM EST
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Thursday, January 15, 2009
One Less Apparition Provided By Magician
Mood:  party time!
Topic: "Grissom not Gruesome"(4)

Grissom is leaving the Las Vegas Crime Lab tonight.  Gruesome is giving his Farewell Address in front of family, friends, and household pets.  Neither one will be wearing lipstick. 

Forensic anthropology has been transformed by the adventures of the man who brought entomological analysis into the same field once occupied by Boston Blackie and Sam Spade.  At the University of Tennessee, for example, there is a "garden" where donated human corpses lie exposed awaiting periodic analysis by forensic scientists-to-be.  The capacity does exist to scientifically determine "time of death" by the presence, or absence, of certain flesh-eating nematodes and their ilk.  Allowing the corpse to remain exposed to the weather also provides input to the scientist, as well as a certain pungency.  In any event, the number of enrollees in this specialized field of study has mushroomed (pun intended) since "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" brought slinky and sexy to bug would-be bad guys.

On the other hand, a somewhat uninspirational, if not ghoulish, character will smirk his final smirk for Frodo's bedevilment this evening.  Although Frodo suspects that the moronic performance at his final press conference will be surpassed in a few short seconds "en camera," Frodo would rather look for white flies on the body of an actor holding his breath.

How quixotic, don't you think, that an actor can inspire a generation of young people to seek a profession that is part science, part adventure, and all public service.  At the same time, someone who is elected President of the United States twice leaves office without the admiration or even high regard of almost anyone. 

Shoot, even today's kids can tell the difference between good acting and bad behavior.  Frodo still thinks the old man's condom broke. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:11 PM EST
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Monday, January 12, 2009
Try, Try, Try To Understand, I'm a Magic Man
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Mental Healthcare" (4)

Frodo is going to break a promise.  He will absolutely do his best to never again break the pledge that he made, but, in this instance, he is totally unable to control himself.  The man who serves for seven more days as President of the United States is a lunatic.

Torture is not acceptable.  Failing to immediately muster all available military resources to effect civilian rescue efforts after Hurricane Katrina was incompetent.  Enacting a pre-emptive assault against a sovereign state is what the Japanese did, it is not what Americans ever do.  Consciously extending Presidential authority to conflict with the Constitution of the United States is an impeachable act.  Sending troops into combat with inadequate equipment, or treating their wounds in unsanitary conditions, gives the people the right to "alter or abolish" the government. 

If not Chuck Todd, then why didn't Helen Thomas step forward and just push that nut case away from the podium?  How did anyone remain silent when the Incomparable Moron alleged that we had "52 months of job growth" between the recessions?  Couldn't anyone muster enough self-righteous anger to simply yell at the cowboy asking "If Saddam had any WMD, then why didn't he use them against our troops on the very first day of the attack, when his whole regime was about to fall around him?"

It was for these reasons that Frodo stepped forward to stand against Sauron.  He felt alone on that day, and not until the Fellowship was complete could he engage in his effort to destroy the Ring.  He feels much the same now; angry, despondent, that a land so blessed, so very noble, could have tolerated such a buffoon for so long.

We owe the world a Coke, and their forgiveness.

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:03 PM EST
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Saturday, January 10, 2009
Take a Trip With Me, Down The Mississippi Down to New Orleans
Mood:  rushed
Topic: "Joad Jobs" (4)

Frodo took note of the banner above the web page, it said, simply, "15,000 jobs available right now", and the second line said "Baton Rouge."  Perhaps, thought Frodo, the real revival of the City of Orleans is at hand, and all it took was a Depression-style economy to make people abandon their homes and head out to greener pastures, again.  This time, instead of heading West, they may head South, and instead of picking fruit, they may be building houses.  The motorcars may be a little more modern, and the highways more accessible, but the stories will be much the same.

Frodo Joad may have just returned from his third tour in Iraq.  His wife, his mother, their two daughters, the turtle and the three dogs all piled into a 1993 Chevy Mini-van.  They leave their house near Stillwater behind, to the bank, and they search for the quickest route to the promise of tomorrow.  There are no jobs to the North, and they find the road clogged with license plates from rust-colored states that seem to extend all the way to Canada, and beyond.

There is only enough money to last for a few months, and tax breaks aren't going to offer much to a guy who wakes up at night, often in a cold sweat, calling names unfamiliar to anyone in his current entourage.  Loud noises frighten the dogs, and Frodo Joad.  But there is warming weather on the horizon, and everywhere they stop, people talk about the good food, the nice people, and the jobs, all of which lie before them.

Every night, someone seems to have a black-and-white tuned to a news broadcast, and they see him, talking about hope, and working together, and the fact that our greatest fears are our own.  They hold hands, some pray, but most just want to share as mammalians have done for thousands of years, under similar circumstances.  They go on, because they cannot go back.

The bridges are all re-built, but much remains to be re-constituted, and as they cross into the City of Orleans, the path should be wide and free to the opportunities which brought them to the Parish border.  What, dear reader, do we do, if the sign says "Okies, Go Home"?

   


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:29 PM EST
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Wednesday, January 7, 2009
I Felt So Happy I Almost Cried, And Then He Kissed Me
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: "Chutzpah Hooters" (4)

The gentleman, seated in a wheelchair, accompanied by a fellow entrepreneur, greeted his audience and said into the microphone "It is time for Congress to rejuvenate America."  Frodo looked up, in partial recognition of the gravelly-voiced speaker, and in order to take note of what was being broadcast on his black-and-white.  As the story line unfolded, Frodo's interest in any indication of activity toward economic recovery was readily apparent, but there was also a sparkle in the corner of his eye.

The speaker, and former resident of Gwinnett County, Georgia (frequent readers will remember the "Runaway Bride," 'the Barbie Bandits," and other evidences of sub-human behavior in this locale) was making a televised appeal for government assistance to an economically-depressed segment of American industry.  With rapier precision, he was advocating the committment of $5Billion to provide a stimulus to "the adult entertainment industry."  The speakers' name was Larry Flynt.  The former publisher of "Hustler" magazine was accompanied by the President and CEO of "Girls Gone Wild," the artful presenter of boobs from Bourbon Street to Panama City.  Frodo was entranced.

It is sometimes difficult, according to Frodo, to separate legitimate opinion from satire.  A businessman who was permanently paralyzed by a failed assassination attempt would seem to be a logical advocate for an industry which attracted the venemous effort on his life.  Remembering also, thought Frodo, that Flynt offered a $1Million reward for information to anyone who could provide definitive evidence of sexual misconduct by the inquisitors of William Jefferson Clinton.  The reward was claimed by the ex-wife (one of) Bob Barr (R-GA) who was then serving as one of the main accusators, who subsequently ran for the Presidency himself, as a "Libertarian" no less. 

Frodo is no fan of either Larry Flynt or Bob Barr.  Frodo is an adult who enjoys entertainment however.  Therein lies the conundrum. 

Although it is highly likely that Mr. Flynt revels in a periodic attempt at fifteen minutes or so of fame from time-to-time, Frodo also notes the public service that such satire offers to the citizenry of Middle Earth.  It gets us all thinking about stimulus, economic or otherwise. 

Didn't Lynda Lovelace hail from somewhere around Tupelo? 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:58 PM EST
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