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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
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Citizens of Middle Earth
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Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Oh Little Girl Psychotic Reaction
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "An Hour A Day" (6)

"Mister Frodo, a border collie is a working dog.  She will absolutely require that you spend at least an hour a day, every single day, with no time off for holidays, exercising her body and her mind.  To fail her in this need, well, it would be cruel, and I would advise you to get another type of pet."  So said Dr. Porsches (an alias provided to he who now owns two Porsches because of Frodo's contributions to his veterinary practice).

An hour a day.

That is a very significant contribution of resources by an aging businessman, not to mention a Hobbit warrior.  The relationship that Frodo had with Lovey comprises some of the finest hours of his life, and he does not regret that hour, every single day, for even one second.  Together, they ran in the early-morning rain, and they swam in waters still and calm.  They chased tennis balls, and avoided enraged cattle who resented being herded.  They climbed mountains, and they explored forests, primeval and restored.  They parted when it was her time, and the light never disappeared from her eyes, of that Frodo is sure.

"Mister Frodo, you write very well, and I look forward to your exploits and your passion.  Promise yourself that you will devote one hour per day, every day, to writing about what you have to write about."  So said the Warrior Merry (an alias provided to she who castigated and chided the Hobbit and is technically responsible for these words herein).

Another hour a day.

That is also a significant contribution of time and resources, but it took a polite kick-in-the-ass to get Frodo off his duff and to put into words the College of the Shire, Mick (the Wonder Dog), the Shire itself, and events that shape a world while having no impact on the flora and the fauna of the oldest mountain chain on our small blue planet.  If, dear reader, there is every any laughter added to your life, or a solitary tear shed in empathy for the most telling of moments, then you have Proud Merry to thank.  Frodo has not regretted a single thing he has said, and he is actually kind of proud of most of it.

This is posting number 1,000.  It occurs amid the sixth year of Frodo's effort.  It also evidences the fact that Frodo has missed his hour-a-day goal.

Like the President whom he so admires, he will try to do better. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:19 PM EDT
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Saturday, November 6, 2010
Then Weak I'd Rather Be If It Meant Havin' You To Keep
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "First Freeze" (6)

Frodo will rake leaves this day, then he will move fragile plants from their warm-weather homes out-of-doors into the darkness for the duration of winter's grasp.  He will dig gladiolus bulbs and store them in order to re-plant and space, come the brighter days sure to return when balance is restored to the Shire.  He will fill feeders for those redbreasts who now gorge on fat, red berries in the dogwoods, and, for sure, those who watch and wait from their aeries which will serve the birthing of rodents aloft.  Preparation is characteristic in these days, and it is Frodo's lesson dear reader, for those who invite the pain and suffering in looking back while denying themselves the simplest of pleasures.

Frodo has closed two big deals in recent days, and two more hang like fresh fruit in a tropical forest.  Months of self-denial and concentrated effort offer the Hobbits an opportunity to, once again, count their blessings and to enjoy the filled larders of success in business.  Even if Spring should arrive much later than normal, the Hobbits are prepared.

However, the travel brochures have started to arrive en masse, and the deals are fantastic.  There is no discussion of place or voyage that would require sweater or coat.  Sam has renewed interest in completing a circuit of all the original seven wonders, excluding of course the Hanging Gardens.  Frodo still has visions of himself as Paris, defending the prize he took from Agamemnon, and walking the Plains of Troy. 

Mick, the Wonder Dog, stands ready to assist his friend in the tasks at hand, and he daily reminds Frodo that some dreams are best deferred, but never allowed to disappear.  Lest we all forget.  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:35 AM EDT
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Tuesday, November 2, 2010
A Little Taste Of Honey Is Better Than None At All
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "America's Toilet" (6)

The Texas Rangers, who play baseball in the suburbs of the ugliest town in the ugliest state, got their asses handed to them last night by a "rag-tag" group from San Francisco, called the Giants.  Although Frodo has no allegiance to either team, and the San Francisco Giants eliminated his Gallant Braves from the play-offs, Frodo hates everybody less than he hates anything from Texas.  He couldn't help but think that Nancy Pelosi feels much the same, and he is honored to be on her side.

The Dallas Cowboys, whp play in the ugliest stadium in the ugliest town in the ugliest state, have gotten their asses handed to them six times, so far, in the National Football League season.  This is particularly galling to Jerry Jones, the owner of "America's Team" (a term stolen from Ted Turner), who built the cornucopic monstrosity that he hoped would be used to host the next Super Bowl, starring of course, the spoiled brats of his payroll.  Losses have included that to Frodo's favorites, the Washington Redskins who not only scalped their long-time rivals in their own ballpark, but they basically castrated them.  The Cowboys stink so bad that the infamous "Little Sisters of the Poor" are trying to get a game scheduled with them, and the LSOP are already 10-point favorites.

The University of Texas, who play in the only space in the entire state which is totally inhabited by non-cretins, but is surrounded therein by Neanderthals, is unranked in the BCS Rankings for the top college football team.  Since Frodo was a mere gleam in his daddy's eye, the "Longhorns" have dominated these rankings, and have always been in the "Top Ten," until this year.

The people of the State of Texas have Governor Rick Perry.  One of the Texas Congressional Districts continues to be "manned-up" by Willy Gomert.  The worst President in the history of the US of A maintains his brushpiles in Crawford.

As Frodo considers exactly how grim and forlorn life would be for anyone with an IQ greater than that of a bullfrog who was forced, by circumstance and/or fate, to reside in America's Texas outhouse, he concludes that losing a few House seats doesn't really matter much at all.  Just think how much worse life could be, "living" in Texas.  

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:23 PM EDT
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Thursday, October 28, 2010
Feeling Stronger Every Day
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: "The Litany" (6)

Friday, October 29, 1929, the infamous "Black Friday," took place exactly 81 years ago.  Frodo sensing an ominous wind as he tries to prepare himself for great disappointment to come, notices that Sam seems serene and composed.  Thinking only to himself, he remembers discussion about "the litany," to which, he admits, he had paid but subservient attention.  He always assumed that Sam's Mother, a paragon of order and peaceful personal discipline had instilled a methodology in her offspring that allowed the mind and body to prepare for challenge.  How wrong Frodo has been.

Sam has beaten cancer, twice.  Sam endured a stepmother who developed dementia so severe that mere contact with father before his death became difficult.  Sam's lone sibling, a sister who is adored as best friend finds her independence and life quality in peril.  Sam deals with an affliction which prevents the production of liquids in the body, so there are no tears, no saliva.  Sam lives a life of tolerance and respect for others which inspires Frodo to fight harder, every day.  Sam knows how to try hard.

Frodo finally decided to ask Sam directly.  "This 'litany,' I assume, is something you learned from your Mother?"

"No.  Actually, it was something I read some time ago, and, over time, I've taken the 'mantra', changed some of the words, and found a way to bring a day to an end, peacefully."

"Hmm," said Frodo, "is this like the counsel every newlywed couple receives from someone on the wedding day to 'never go to bed angry'?"

"No, it starts with simply recognizing that there's something out there which is bigger than either Sam or Frodo, and addressing some very basic 'thank-yous' for giving me another day, or for how good I felt all day long."

"And then?"

"And then I apply some of that to the needs around us, some is personal, some is broader in scope."

"So how does it differ from a simple prayer?"

"It takes place as I let the day escape, and a peaceful rush comes over me when health and happiness are associated with people I love who can use some good thoughts.  It includes all the creatures of the Shire, too.  I don't ask for anything I just fall asleep thinking about people getting better, and being happier.  That, dear Frodo, is the litany."

"So, would the President fit into the litany?"

"I think of him, and the encouragement that we all need when everyone and everything seem to line up against us."

"What about the opposition, those whom we mock and, in truth, despise?"

"What, you think I'm going to stay up half the night hoping that Sarah Palin gets over her mental illness?"

Sam laughed.

Frodo may indeed by the smallest and the weakest, but he is also, the most fortunate. 

His birthday litany is decided.

 

 

 

  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:30 PM EDT
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Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Then You'll Have To Eat Your Lunch All Alone
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "Rubio's Cube"(6)

One would think that Frodo was an Iraqi journalist.  That is, when his shoe went whizzing by the head of Marco Rubio, on Frodo's black-and-white, appearing in debate last evening with his opponents for the Senate from Florida.  He did not lie, mind you, but he presented, as facts, that which was obfuscated or ignored.

Rubio noted, as fact, that this is the first year that Social Security has paid out more than it has collected.  He indicated, as fact, that if this situation continued at this rate predictions are that somewhere between the years 2027 and 2041 Social Security would be unable to meet its obligations.  This, of course, leads to the assertion that America's seniors would be left high and dry.

For the record, asserts Frodo, let us note that the "Baby Boom" generation, the largest increase in population that we have ever experienced, commenced in 1945, with the end of World War II.  It should be noted that 2010 minus 1945 equals 65.  This number is significant because it represents the age of those who today are first, or eldest, among the "Baby Boomers."  It is, as Rubio noted, also the first year the Social Security trust system ran at a deficit.

Carrying the thought forward, let us further note that the population continued to expand significantly until about 1960, when the "Baby Boom" effectively ended.  If one were to, correctly adds Frodo, assume that the Social Security trust system ran at a deficit during each of those years when the "Baby Boomers" hit age 65, then the effects of the population growth would end in or about 2025.  This is, of course, two years before, even under the most dire of estimates, the Social Security trust system would reach the projected inability to meet its obligations.

What Mario didn't say was that, given prudent management, and responsible fiduciary performance, the Social Security trust system will neither run out of money, nor will it fail to meet its obligations to America's seniors and disabled, ever.

That is the "politics of fear," and it is why Frodo threw his shoe at the smarmy little turd.   Frodo is willing to bet that Rubio is a Texan. 

  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:03 PM EDT
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Monday, October 25, 2010
Caught In a Trap, I Can't Walk Out
Mood:  amorous
Topic: "Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)

Her name was Kitty Kreft and she was humongous.  In fact, she was the biggest girl in Frodo's class.  She could have removed each of Frodo's thighs and consumed them as if he were the featured item at KFC.  Frodo was always on his best behavior around her, simply because she always seemed to be staring at him and, although he may have only imagined it so, she seemed to be licking her chops.  It was against this backdrop that Frodo reacted with horror when he heard her say that she intended to kiss Frodo.

Frodo was saving himself for marriage.  After all, he had been lead to believe that the systemic construction of the body dictated that everything entered orally, and was released through the various remaining orifices.  Frodo had no intention of being forced to impregnate The Incredible Hulk by kiss, but the problem was that she was not only bigger than Frodo, but she could run like an enraged rhinocerous. 

Frodo was always first off the bus, giving him a head start down the street, across Mrs. Shoultes lot, over the drainage ditch, up the driveway, and through the breezeway to the back door.  Frodo's route, and his swivel-hipped impersonation of "Crazy Legs Hirsch," carried him through that Fall of his second school year and instilled an aura of confidence, which, unfortunately, morphed into overconfidence.

Perhaps it was the extra clothing for warmth, but Frodo became aware that late gray afternoon of his pursuer swiftly gaining ground.  In desperation, Frodo flew across the breezeway and attempted to circle around the garage in order to confuse Brontosaurus, but a purposeful objective, Frodo was about to learn, was something hard to avoid.  Suddenly, Frodo was spread-eagle on the ground, and the Predator gazed deep into his eyes, saliva dripping from her nostrils, as she prepared the coup de grace.  The inevitable was at hand.

"AAARRRGGGHH," screamed Frodo as he breathlessly expended all his energy in one final attempt to throw off his attacker before his seed was accepted in the mouth of the Cyclops. 

Kitty Kreft and her family moved to Berryville that Spring.  She never knew that she was a Mother. 

Wondering about his first kiss, Frodo has assumed that Kitty Kreft is still in a state of euphoria, if not the Pro Football Hall of Fame.  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:59 PM EDT
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Sunday, October 24, 2010
A Pie In The Face For Being Awake Before Dawn
Mood:  vegas lucky
Topic: "Who's In Line?"(6)

Over the years, Frodo has stood in lines of all kind in order to cast his solitary support for candidates with names like McGovern, Carter, Clinton, and Obama.  He has thrown his support behind a Republicant or two along the way, generally because there was a wide variance between the individual candidates.  He voted, last time around, for current Senator Johnny Isakson (R-GA), simply because he was a far superior statesman to his opponent, one-term Congressperson Denise Majette.  It should be noted that Frodo plans to vote for Thurbert Baker, Isakson's opponent, this time around.

Frodo's favorite voting process was in Louisiana.  Voting in Louisiana, by State Law, takes place on Saturday, and there is no requirement that the polling place must be in a public accommodation..  Frodo, cross his heart, has actually voted in a garage or two in suburban locations outside the City of Orleans.  It was not uncommon for one of those waiting in line to be imbibing, or to offer Frodo the opportunity to share.  David Vitter (R-GA), the Senator being challenged by Congressman Melancon, had better hope that a lot of that is going around this time.

In 2008 Frodo voted "early," in order to avoid long lines and big crowds.  The location to which he was directed had a line that was two hours long, and nearly all of those in line were black.  Frodo knew then that Barack Obama would be our next President, and he would have stood in line for a month in order to have shared his support. 

It is with great trepidation that Frodo plans to cast his vote "early" again.  He will know, on that day, how the "Mid-terms" will turn out overall.  The opposition, again, consists of a great number who would go to any length, and endure any hardship, in order to vote against Barack Obama.  If the lines are short where Frodo will vote, no matter the make-up of the participants, then Frodo will know that the next two years will be the playground for a Speaker of the House who believes that the Constitution has a Preamble.

Georgia is no bellweather for Middle Earth.  True it is that they will probably provide a plurality to an incompetent felon in the gubernatorial race.  Nathan Deal (R-GA) has been noted as one of the 15 most corrupt members of Congress (a group that includes Charlie Rangel , Maxine Waters, and Jesse Jackson, Jr.), and he will most likely file personal bankruptcy before any indictments take effect.  He is, however, a Republican, and that takes precedence over competence, to some.  These "some" will be in line to vote, and others will not.  "That," said Hamlet, "is the rub."

Frodo has been reading the obituaries in the newspaper for the last several days.  He has noted that more fat,old, white guys have died than have any other group.  He was heard to say that he hopes the trend continues for the next week or so, and that none of them were "early" voters.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:15 PM EDT
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Saturday, October 23, 2010
Saturday Night At The Movies, Who Cares What Picture You See
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "Decisions, Decisions"(6)

Once upon a time, when life was so much simpler, there really was a show on the black-and-white called "Saturday Night at The Movies."  Frodo remembers this gathering, but has little rememberance of the fare.  Glad he was, just to have the opportunity to see a movie, even with lengthening commercials weekly.  In truth, the only movie he can recall from the showing was one that starred Robert Mitchum and Marilyn Monroe, and in the movie, they were escaping from danger by rafting own a raging river, and, reflecting later developmental issues, Frodo remembers that Marilyn wore a very tight shirt.

This evening Frodo began to weary of sports on TV.  Now that the Yankees have been eliminated from World Series consideration, Frodo only has the Texas Rangers to hate, but they aren't on.  Georgia Tech played like Georgia Yech against Clemson in football, and now Tennessee is playing Alabama, but watching so many illiterates gathered together in one location gives fear that Sarah Palin may soon appear.  Frodo began to scroll through all available resources in order to identify a movie on one of the multitude of available selections.

In truth, had he been able to find that movie with Mitchum and Monroe, he would've settled down with a half-inch or so of Maker's Mark, and wondered about the off-screen activities of the headliners.  What he did find were approximately 30 odd movies scattered between cable networks and premium channels.  Unfortunately, all 30 or so seem to suck.  Even a cursory analysis proved that Frodo has not missed much since the last showing of "Saturday Night at the Movies."

Frodo greatly enjoyed an eyeball dalliance with Anne Rice and "Interview with the Vampire," which he surrendered once the pithy movie, starring Brad Pitt, caused him to almost wet his breeches (in hoots of laughter), and to find a new theme for his curiosities.  Unfortunately it seems, there are others who decided that making movies about vampires was something cool, and that Frodo would be tempted to waste valuable time (and a half-inch of Maker's Mark) watching their pithy movies. 

Others seem to think that Frodo will be entranced by war movies based in Iraq or Afghanistan.  With the exception of "The Hurt Locker," which they viewed by accident and appreciated beyond description, Sam and Frodo have not yet been able to assimilate the movies about Vietnam.  Sam, in truth, has never watched "Platoon," and Frodo has never pressed the point.  Sam already knows who the enemy was. 

Sam enjoys movies that Frodo cannot understand.  Not to infer that Frodo is a dunderhead, it is true that he simply has great difficulty with English or English-sounding accents, and he can't get over the fact that all male subjects of the Queen are homosexual.

Merry will respond at this point about Hugh of her dreams.

Note that Frodo has not mentioned political shows as an alternative to either sports or movies.  That is because Frodo doesn't think he can absorb information from another poll of any kind for at least the next two weeks.  There are simply so many of them that he is unable to remember whether or not he has been exposed to the results of a particular poll, or not. 

Life was so much simpler when Frodo could spend an entire evening thinking about Marilyn Monroe. 

Joe Di Maggio was an idiot. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:37 PM EDT
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Monday, October 18, 2010
Money Talks, But It Don't Sing And Dance, And It Can't Walk
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Best Day/Worst Day"(6)

The Adjusted Compensation Act of 1924 provided for a bonus to be paid in 1945 to veterans of the First, and at the time, only, World War.  The desperate conditions of 1932 brought 25,000 veterans, their wives, and children to Washington to lobby their Government for the cash, now.  Homeless, and desperate, the veterans had no place else to turn for assistance.  They tried in vain to influence Congress, so, peacefully, they turned to the President, Herbert Hoover.  The President sent word that he was too busy to meet with them.

Some commercial buildings to which the Treasury Department had taken title were scheduled for demolition, instead the "Bonus Marchers" quietly occupied them on the night of June 17th.  It was not a terrorist act, rather it was action taken to provide shelter for women, and children, from the unrelenting heat of the swamp on the Potomac.  To the Administration, the veterans and their families were an eyesore and a humiliation.  The President was determined to evict the veterans, even if he had to call out the Army.  Local businesses complained, and there was a general hardening throughout the land of the attitudes of the well-fed toward the ill-fed.

The EVENING STAR of Washington, and the NEW YORK TIMES editorialized against the veterans, only one of whom had achieved the rank of officer during service overseas.  Pressure grew for action.  Army Chief of Staff Douglas MacArthur was charged with total responsibility by the Administration to resolve the problem at hand.  On the morning of July 28, Treasury Department agents ordered the veterans to vacate, and the order was refused.

William Hrushka, a former PFC in the 41st Infantry, from Chicago, was shot through the heart and was the first veteran to die.  The White House, that day, declared Hrushka to be of the "Communist element."  MacArthur ordered his subordinate, Dwight Eisenhower, into uniform and ordered six tanks into the developing, confusing fray.  Major George S. Patton, Jr. led the 3rd Cavalry, on horseback, to draw sabers, and infantry marched behind with fixed bayonets just as civil servants began to pile out of their offices for the end of the workday.  Many in the crowds assumed they were witness to a parade, and cheered.  It was these observers who first felt the charge.  Three thousand gas grenades had been issued to the infantrymen who followed the horses into the midst of the crowds.

Hoover directed MacArthur to drive the veterans across the bridges out of the city, but not to pursue.  MacArthur was incensed, and ignored the order, following the hapless throngs across the Potomac into Anacostia.  The next morning, it was the apparent public opinion that the Government acted against men bent upon violent revolution.  The Governors of Virginia and Maryland closed the bridges into their states, and the veterans, and their families, had no place to go.  Eventually they were escorted through Baltimore to Pennsylvania, and promised egress to Kansas City, but the trains which carried them did not stop.  There is no record of the eventual destination.  It is assumed that they joined the two million Americans who became the "wandering population" of the Great Depression.

Herbert Hoover was convinced that a balanced budget was an absolute necessity to achieving economic recovery.  The only "moral" way out was self-help, and that people would be inspired by the success of the manufacturers, railways, utilities, and financial houses.  He reduced taxes on corporations and individuals when the Government desperately needed revenue.  It was outside agitators who prevented his projected image of the goodness of American business.

On the 28th of July, while the veterans and their families were being driven through the streets of Washington, newspapers were reporting that "Business Pulse Beats Faster," and "Bright Spots Grow on US Business Map."  As William Manchester wrote, "Nowhere. . .was there mention of the remarkable fact in the United States of America, the richest country in the world, more than 15 million men were looking for jobs that did not exist."

The bonuses sought by the veterans amounted to $500 each.

   

   


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:58 PM EDT
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Saturday, October 16, 2010
Oh Lord, Won't You Buy Me a Mercedes-Benz?
Mood:  suave
Topic: "Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)

Frodo's father kept meticulous records.  Frodo can still visualize that little top-bound spiral notebook inscribed in pencil and kept atop the clutter in the glove compartment with the exact amount of gasoline purchased and the total cost expended for every motorcar driven since the Japanese Surrender.  It was the statistical input utilized in order to determine the exact mileage attained cumulatively, or for any shorter trek which may be required in order to answer the question "What kind of mileage do you get in that thing, Mister?"  Perhaps that is the reason why Frodo took after Mr. Toad, resident of Toad Hall, when it came to a motorcar.  He was interested in something other than how many miles he got per gallon, and in a word, we're talking about chicks.

Frodo fell in love with silver-colored hood ornaments at an early age, and nobody did it better than Jaguar.  Any wonder then that an easy-financing arrangement meant that Sam had to join Frodo in his quest for the "motorcar" which would guide him from a life of middle-class drudgery into the opulence of style and speed?  Frodo will never forget Sam's words upon egress from the water closet in the dealership, "Damn Frodo, you oughtta go in there, that's the nicest toilet I've ever seen."

For five years Frodo washed that motorcar at least once per week, rain or shine.  He tooled about the Shire with his Kerry and/or Obama stickers prominently displayed to the chagrin of every Republicant to enter his marked territory.  Early on, he noticed that overweight, aged, white, men, with drool spots on their tee-shirts, took visual umbrage at his display of wealth, influence, style, and common sense.

It was all because of that hood ornament.

Jaguar is now owned by somebody named Tata from India and, in case you hadn't noticed dear reader, the morons no longer display the world's greatest hood ornament.

Frodo is very uncomfortable driving a Toyota.  He assumes he would feel the same way if he were required to utilize a Hyundai, a Ford, or a Volkswagen.  You see, dear reader, Frodo doesn't give a Tinker's Damn as to how he might answer the questions about mileage.  He still cares about chicks. 

And "No." he has no intention of buying a little red sportscar and using anything that even sounds like Rogaine.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:37 PM EDT
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