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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
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Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Thinking About the Things We Used to Do
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Memories"(10)

10:55 AM.  October 29th.  Annually.

"Well, I know where I was X# years ago at this time."

The telephone call that established the basis for the Greenwich Median would emanate from Frodo's Mother wherever she might be at precisely the same time every year.  Changing time zones east-to-west eventually altered her precision for Frodo's physical location, but the thought never changed, during all those years.  Now it seems so long ago.

Frodo still receives digital and audio transmissions from many kind souls marking his relationships on his birthday, and it is difficult, to say the least, to record absences when so many remain ever present.  This year includes many newbies, and Frodo is sure that additions will continue at a frenetic pace throughout the year to come.  It is the telephone however, which rings not, that mobilizes his neurons and causes him to reach for a receiver that summons no Hobbit.  Perhaps the imagination is what distinguishes the difference between the celebrations of youth, and the lamentations of age.  If that be so, the Hobbit will talk with Mom for a few minutes, then gird himself for life's daily challenges.  The Ring lives on. 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:15 PM EDT
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Saturday, September 27, 2014
Makes You Wanna Holler Heigh-de-Ho, Burns Your Tummy Don't Ya Know
Mood:  cool
Topic: "How Dogs Love Us" (10)

Several weeks ago, official canine protocols were violated by Dandy (successor to Mick, the Wonder Dog).  Independently, Dandy discovered a cache of spoiled food which he promptly proceeded to ingest.  Despite his protestations to the contrary, punishment commenced.  The following day, Frodo and Sam, accompanied by the entire canine contingent, including the miscreant Dandy, departed for holiday.  The transit took nearly seven hours portal to portal.  Upon arrival the contingent was released from their "hidey holes" and granted access to appropriate facilities.  Dandy reflected a serious level of diarrhea distress.  Over the next twenty-four hours, the suffering reached a worrisome level for the Hobbits.

On nine occasions overnight Dandy would enter the bedroom of the Hobbits whining in pain, seeking passage to the facilities out-of-doors.  Every time Frodo walked out with his friend helping him when possible and observing the increasingly ugly bloody product.  Frodo prepared himself to visit a nearby emergency veterinarian.  Sam convinced him to wait a full twenty-four hours, allowing the cycle to match the similar experiences of the Hobbits at various times in the past.  Frodo was not sure, but he acquiesced to the wisdom of Sam.

The following afternoon as Frodo lay nearly napping, Dandy entered the bedroom and jumped upon the bed.  He stretched his entire length of body upon the Hobbit and laid his head on the chest of Frodo.  Their eyes met, and Dandy commenced to lick Frodo upon the chest.  It was an uncharacteristic moment, and Frodo soon realized that an act of gratitude was taking place.  It was Dandy's way of telling Frodo that he felt much better, and he was, well, grateful, for the assistance.  Perhaps "I love you Frodo" was being communicated between species?

Several days later Frodo was introduced to a book written in 2013 by a scientist at Emory University.  It is entitled "How Dogs Love Us: A Neuroscientist and His Adopted Dog Decode the Canine Brain"(Gregory Berns).  The tale is of a scientist who was eventually able to obtain an MRI of his dog, in order to answer the questions ever wondered by man about his canine companion (Imagine getting any dog to endure 15 motionless minutes of mechanical sounds and movement in an MRI in order to take hundreds of comparative pictures, if you will).  Eventually, the scientist began to draw conclusions from the movements and responses in the canine brain patterns.  He feels strongly that dogs are "appreciative" of their human "masters" but he stops short of "love" as something his analyses could confirm.

He should have asked Frodo, and Dandy.  Sometimes you just know. 

  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:02 PM EDT
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Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Stuck On You
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: "Impregnated"(10)

The gardens of the Shire and the environs thereof are awash in the coming beauties of autumn and the sinking sunlight of shorter days and longer nights.  Frodo finds some new joy almost everyday.  However, there is a problem, Houston.

There are little green sticky-to-its which seem to afflict the Hobbits, including the canine contingent.  These invisible monsters mate with every sock or plumed tail which presents itself anywhere adjacent to the presence of chlorophyll.  When the opportunity finally presents itself to physically remove each one of these refugees from an old icebox, the process is marred by the casual discovery of yet another gathering of the sexually-transmitted diseased.  The little bastards are everywhere, and they seem to offer evidence to the existence of climate change, due to the apparent increase in their presence.  Why else would a mindful supreme presence continue to manufacture these little turds?

Frodo loves a walk in the woods, but he has grown fearful of the threat encompassing his pulmonary passages and the potential risk of a headlong fall down a mountain trail while bending to remove a sticky-to-it.  Dandy, successor to Mick, the Wonder Dog, plants his front paws in the sand and refuses to enter the paths of green which tempt him whenever the plague subsides.  Until such time, nature will remain a darkening temptress, and the persistent little sexual transmitters wait for even a passing deer or bear to fall victim.

Hmm, Frodo wonders what would result should he place 25 or so amid the bird feeders currently deluged by squirrels?  Possibly they'd eat them, then again, they probably wouldn't.

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:53 PM EDT
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Sunday, September 14, 2014
I Believe in Miracles
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: "Back inthe Saddle Again"

Baseball players have an off-season.  Republican Members of Congress never, well hardly ever, show up for work at all.  Given that level of precedence it seems only logical that Frodo decided to stop and take a deep breath.  He came to the conclusion that the struggle for the Ring requires his participation, so those who just sort of hoped that he "go away" are sorely disappointed.  Frodo is just going to be a little bit smarter and patient, and, hopefully, funnier.

Since last he visited, Frodo has found that the once charismatic e-mail is falling swiftly to the Facebook, the LinkedIn, and other communication tools which are giant steps beyond WKBW in Buffalo, WLS in Chicago, and WOWO in Fort Wayne, which are all preferences of the Hobbit's past.  That, Frodo figures, is why he has not been the subject of deluge by worried followers who have wondered about the silence.  Citizens of Middle Earth do not need the Hoibbit to tell them how to vote, or to interpret the wisdom of some in opposition to the foolishness of most.  The Men of Gondor and the Riders of Rohan need a good laugh, a tender memory, or even a tear or two to give each of them a moment to similarly take a deep breath, and thus to decide the path in the yellow wood.  Frodo has returned, and he will stay.

Has anyone heard about the lady from Nantucket?


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:04 PM EDT
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Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Back in the USSR
Mood:  smelly
Topic: "Prudent" (10)

Dana Carvey is a comedic actor who is best remembered for his mimicry, particularly on "Saturday Night Live," whence cometh characters such as"the Church Lady" and "the first President Bush."  Frodo picks on him this day because of his frequent use of the term "prudent".

President Obama now faces the miasma of Foreign Policy, which seems to absorb every American President in the latter stages of administration.  His opponents appear so intent upon the political that the unity which such decision-making requires begins to disappear even when the decisions are unequivocally in the national best interest.  Frodo was struck by the fact that one supporter of the President used the term "prudent" to describe the wisdom exercised by President Obama.  Frankly, Frodo wishes he had used another word.

Norman Schwarzkopf had Saddam Hussein in his sights and could have taken him out except for the fact that it was deemed to be "not prudent."  Had that decision  been reversed, there would have been a much earlier determination that there were no "weapons of mass destruction".  Similarly, no one would have paid any attention to the "Neocons" who argued for war against Saddam Hussein, and relaxed the effort to destroy bin Laden.  Those decisions, obviously, underscore the meaning of "prudent".

Frodo hopes that "prudent" is replaced by "statesmanlike."  Bill Kristol would be apoplectic, as well he should.  The President knows what he is doing, and he is doing it well.

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:36 AM EDT
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Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Workin' in a Coal Mine
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: "Pope for a Day" (10)

"Mr. Pope?"

"Yes my son?"

"What, exactly, do you think your 'Big Guy' thinks about the Georgia State Legislature?"

"You mean those guys who assumed the responsibility for not funding healthcare assistance to more than 640,00 of their constituents?"  Even, as I understand it, the cost of which was to be totally funded by the Federal Government for the first three years and at a level not less than 90% annually thereafter?"  Is that what you're asking about?"

"Mostly, but I'm probably more curious about what your 'Big Guy' would say since the constituents are overwhelmingly poor, elderly, the very people if you will he demands that his followers service."

"There is a place for those who are hypocritical, who claim to follow him, and who ignore his teachings in reality."

"Texas?"

"Close, try again."

"Mordor?"

"Actually I was thinking of Gwinnett County.  We all know that God does not love those who live there."

"Are you saying that the Georgia State Legislature will reap as it has sown?"

"Have you noticed that none of them are underweight?  That diabetes increases exponentially?"

"Are they trulu that foolish?"

"The mortal sin my son, is greed."

"Any advice for me?"

"Delta is ready when you are."

  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:04 PM EST
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Monday, March 3, 2014
Cherokee Nation, Cherokee Tribe
Mood:  vegas lucky
Topic: "Jack Crabb" (10)

"One hundred and eleven years ago, when I was ten years old. . .", Dustin Hoffman. portraying character Jack Crabb in the film "Little Big Man."

Ten years ago, Frodo stepped upon the world stage as "The Keeper of the Ring."  Logical it is that he comment on what the world may be like when one hundred and eleven more years have passed. 

There will still be a Texas, and therefore an ample suppy of nuts with guns.

There will still be a Constitution of the United States, however amended thirty-three more times (predominantly by Texans).

There will be no need for fossil fuels, except in those locations where people consume "long-neck bottles" of something that tastes like fossil fuel.

There will be more inmates in Texas prisons than there will be inhabitants in all of the fire ant mounds in the State of Mississippi.

The NRA Party will present the Official hooded mask costume to be worn by all the 250,000 attendees at the scene of their Convention in Dallas.

The number of schoolchildren victimized by gunfire in scholastic settings in Texas is reduced to zero (given the fact that the last public schools were closed before the end of the past century).

Jerry Jones will develop his fourteenth Dallas Cowboys Sadium at a cost of $1,000,000,000 to taxpayers, seating 500,000, and America's team will again be quarterbacked by veteran Tony Romo (hoping to finally make the play-offs).

Finally, Mexico will commence legal action against undocumented aliens from Texas seeking freedom and justice south of the border.

The Ring, it seems, will still be present as long as evil exists (see Texas, above). 

 

 

    


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:16 PM EST
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Friday, February 28, 2014
In Them Old Cotton Fields Back Home
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "www.arlinbuyert.com"(9)

Boromir was a warrior, but amongst the fellows of the ring he was but a gentle giant.  After the lands of Middle Earth he emerged as a poet, if not a chronicler of lands like the Shire, where fields glistened in green rather than in the blood of its inhabitants.  Boromir was proud of the fact that his fields were rich and his sword was clean.

This summer Boromir will return home.  He has been invited to read his poetry to his former classmates, his neighbors, old girl friends, and  those with whom he practiced war games.  It will be a time of tears shed for those who walk unseen in the gardens at night, while farmers rest.  It will be a celebration of words and music to celebrate the land, and the farmer.

Warriors wait for another day.  This land was made for you and me.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:07 PM EST
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Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Come Back When You Grow Up Girl, You're Still Living in a Paper-Doll World
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: "McCan't"(9)

The President of the United States has failed at everything, at least in the mind of John McCain.  Frodo finds himself wondering about the emotional stability of the frequent critic from the hallways of the United States Senate.  McCain, it seems, lives only to decipher Libya, Egypt, Syria, North Korea, and Ukraine (among others) as examples of the Obama disaster in American Foreign Policy.  All one must do, according to Frodo, is to wait for the President to make a comment, suggestion, threat, commitment, promise, or whatever, and McCain will be there to call the action as "wrong, again."  Could it be that the old man is merely suffering from a case of sour grapes?

McCain was eighth from the bottom of his graduating class at the Naval Academy.  McCain was shot down during the Vietnam War by an enemy who had no Air Force.  McCain's marriage came unglued when he returned from captivity.  McCain selected Sarah Palin to be his running mate on the Republican Presidential Ticket.  McCain "suspended" his campaign in order to participate in the decision-making addressing the Great Recession (Ed. Note--McCain offered no input and was virtually silent throughout).  Frodo could go on and on, and on, but his point is that those who live in glass houses, twelve at last count, need to realize that their contributions, sadly, ended a long time ago.

Four Americans died inside an American Consulate in Benghazi, Libya.  McCain and his minions from South Carolina and New Hampshire (Frodo offers 25 cents in cash to anyone who can name the Manchester Minion without searching "Google") have introduced the incident as some sort of scandalous effort to ensure the President's re-election.  In truth, none have mentioned the loss of more than 200 US Marines in a place called Beirut when Ronald "Plastic Man" Reagan was President.  In fact, the murderers, be they terrorists or extremists, have never been called to justice. 

Maybe Daryl Issa would join with McCain and solve that one for us?  How does the saying go, "Inquiring Minds Want to Know."  Which probably explains exactly what Frodo's point was from the very beginning.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:04 PM EST
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Thursday, February 20, 2014
I've Got Two Lovers, And I Love Them Both The Same
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "Two Americas" (9)

It seems like such a long time ago when the handsome young attorney with the dynamite wife stood before the Democratic Convention and uttered the phrase "two Americas."  Few shared the belief at the time, but history has shown us that as a nation few things have united us as much as the revulsion he generated in our behalf.  Frodo has thought often of his misjudgment of John Edwards, but he is unable to shake the notion that even today there is no majority "for," there is only division.

We are not simply black-or-white, rich-or-poor, liberal-or-conservative, relgious-or humanistic, rather we are some of all of these.  We are closer akin to the Italian Parliament and its multitude of parties unable to obtain a consensus on any issue, destined to grow increasingly frustrated with one another, facing governmental gridlock.

In the 2012 Presidential Election, nary a single electoral district in the State of West Virginia registered a majority for the eventual winner, President Barack Obama.  Since that time, West Virginia has aired the belief of the citizenry that they have no need of the "big" government in Washington.  Things, it seems, go better (even in West Virginia) when the "best" government is the smallest.

That is until somebody notes the fact that things are not going better with either coke (as in coal) or Koch (as in brothers).  Today continues the tortorous amalgam in which the State of West Virginia has shown itself to be absolutely and totally incompetent when it comes to determining the safety of the public water supply.  A previously unknown Governor (at least to Frodo) has exhibited the fact that only the "big" national government has sufficient resources and technical capacity to allow people to bathe in or consume the water supply of the capital city, Charleston..  The citizenry has no alternative but to seek the help of those whom they verbally chastize at every turn.

Frodo hopes that the "big" government does step up to the plate, without fanfare, and delivers for the health and safety of his fellow citizens.  We are, after all, "not the red states, not the blue states, but the United States. . ." and maybe the people of West Virginia paid attention this time.  They need, like Frodo, to recognize when lied to, to say "thank you" to those who pull them out of the fire, and to mean it.   


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 4:28 PM EST
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