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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
"One Down, More Comin'"
"One For the Good Guys"
"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
"Opportunity Sox" (3)
"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
"Osama Can You See?" (2)
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"Our Town" (5)
"Our Town" (8)
"Out Damned Spot (2)"
"Out of Kilter" (5)
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"Pace Car" (3)
"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
"Passion Flowers" (5)
"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
"Patsy for America"
"Peaceful Easy Feelin"(3)
"Peacetakescourage" (3)
"Permanent Vacation" (5)
"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
"Problems?" (4)
"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
"Punxatawney Bush"
"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
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"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
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"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
"Sauron Psalms" (2)
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"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
"Scooter" (2)
"Scott Free" (4)
"Sears and Loveaduck" (5)
"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
"Serendipity Strikes" (3)
"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
"Skull and Bones"(4)
"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
"Smellin' Roses"
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"Smokin' Pesticide Dope"
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"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
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"Southern Ladies" (5)
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"Stan & Ollie"(7)
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"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
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"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
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"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
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"Terminal? Great!"
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"Terrible Swift Sword"(6)
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"Texas Exes" (8)
"Thank the Academy"(4)
"Thank You Rand Paul"
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"Thar She Blows"
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"The 60 Year Struggle"(5)
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"The Brotherhood Begins"
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"Tree Fishin' (2)"
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"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
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"W is for Wuss""
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"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
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"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
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"War on Tara"
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"Water into Wine?"
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"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
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"Wedding Bell Blues"
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"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
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"What Mark Felt"
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"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
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"Willard" (7)
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"Winchester Women (2)"
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"Winter Solstice"
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"Wither Weather?"(4)
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"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
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"Write a Letter" (7)
"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
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"Xmas in Shreveport"(6)
"Yahoo" (4)
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"Yankee Ingenuity"
"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
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"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Wednesday, July 5, 2006
But Come Ye Back When Summer's in The Meadow
Mood:  lyrical
Topic: "Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
Events of this day require that Frodo issue an apology. It is now most likely that George W. Bush will not issue a Presidential Pardon on behalf of the single largest contributor to his Texas Gubernatorial Campaign. Ken Lay dropped dead of a heart attack, thereby negating Frodo's projected occurrence for early January, 2009.

What it is that motivates men to sacrifice personal integrity is merely colored ink on a linen weave. Such a life deserves no lament, in fact it is undeserving of respect. How quixotic that one who bears such heavy responsibility for the political career of George W. Bush joins the ranks of the thousands whose funerals will go unattended by the President of the United States. Frodo supposes it would indeed be a "distraction" for the family to have he who called him "Kenny Boy" stand by the grave of his financier.

Frodo wonders how much of the ill-gotten gains of Ken Lay ended up in the advertisements paid for by the "Swift Boat Veterans for Truth?" Resources which this man embezzled from the employees under his direction were used to subvert the electoral process. Thousands died to protect that process, but Ken Lay got rich on other peoples' money, and he used it to support the worst Presidential Administration in American History, by any standard. Frodo has no sympathy, only regret, regret that Ken Lay ever lived at all.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:13 PM EDT
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Tuesday, July 4, 2006
I'm Gonna Sit Right Down And Write Myself a Letter
Mood:  chatty
Topic: "Tree Fishin' (2)"
Frodo had much to contemplate in the days leading up to the 230th Anniversary of American Independence. A Japanese Prime Minister visited Graceland, the Republican-dominated House and Senate took polar positions on the same issue, the gallant Howard seemed to be slipping further and further away, and the rumblings emanating from Mount Doom indicated that Frodo was falling two steps back for every one taken. So Frodo went fishing.

Accompanied by Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog, Frodo launched the "SS Minnow" from its' berth on "Lake Lovey," and departed for the shady shoreline. Brutal summer heat means that daytime fishing in freshwater is deep and slow, unless, of course, one knows of a shady spot where minnows are plentiful. Casting rubber worms underneath the overhanging limbs of deciduous trees is tolerable in the shade, and often fruitful for the patient fisherperson (and crew).

Drifting slowly along such a shoreline, Frodo noted that his crew had succumbed to the rigors of their duties. Nary a one had any interest in Frodo's commentary on Koizumi's rendition of "Falling in Love With You," (he was good!). So Frodo was able to concentrate entirely on his mid-summer daysdream in which he portrayed Spencer Tracy as "The Old Man" in Hemingway's "Sea."

Casting in such an environment is fraught with danger from those same shading overhanging limbs. Frodo's rubber worm arced slightly to the right and came down on the other side of such a limb. The snagged line allowed the lure to dangle just on the surface, and to lightly rise and fall with the wind and the waves. Without warning, an irritated largemouth bass took note of this unique offering and struck at the lure with the ferocity of "Jaws" in pursuit of the crew of the "Orca." This was certainly the first time that Frodo had ever witnessed a tree catching its' own fish. He was humiliated when, awakened by the clatter, his loyal crew swung into action expecting to closely examine another prized catch by their fearless leader.

It is very difficult to explain all of this to a dog. By the time Frodo was able to manuver to the location of the dangling fish it had escaped into the depths. Mick, the Wonder Dog, avoided eye contact, and returned to his slumbers. Fiona, however, evidently felt a bit of empathy for Frodo, and gave him a small kiss on the hand.

She surely knew that Frodo would've let him go anyway. Frodo scratched Fiona's head and chin and turned "The Minnow" leeward, toward the shallows in a hidden cove, free from overhanging limbs and robber trees.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:08 PM EDT
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Wednesday, June 28, 2006
I Just Dropped in to See What Condition my Condition Was in
Mood:  lucky
Topic: "Baby Doctors (2)"
Doctors are supposed to be old, and they are supposed to be wise. It is disconcerting to Frodo whenever he comes into contact with a physician who has not yet read the complete works of William Shakespeare, nor memorized Gray's Anatomy. Frodo truly resents medical practitioners who have deviated into the political arena, for they join the failed attorneys and over-the-hill jocks who populate the Halls of Congress. There are not enough of those people whom Frodo was led to believe worked in medicine because they wanted to "help people."

Frodo's personal physician is a crusty guy who once helped maintain the physical attributes of Navy Pilots. Frodo is comfortable with him because he does not remember Frodo from one visit to the next. Visiting the doctor is an event that, although significant to Frodo, should be handled routinely and efficiently by the medical practitioner. Special treatment and attention is what concerns Frodo.

Frodo once had a hemorrhoid (in this instance it was not George W. Bush). It was not a common occurrence, and neither Frodo nor Sam seemed to have any solution for the discomfort it caused Frodo. As the discomfort, and the swelling, grew, Frodo had to succumb to medical counsel and treatment. Frodo did not have a regular physician at the time so he had to endure the indignity of the local "doc in a box." It was Frodo's very first visit to this innovation in medical care arising from the franchised world of big business.

After a plethora of forms were filled, Frodo was eventually led to a private chamber to await the assigned physician. The wait was interminable, although in truth it was probably only a matter of minutes.

The "doctor" turned out to be an extremely attractive, young, black, female, approximately half Frodo's age. Only one of us blushed as she examined Frodo's chart.

After a few "Hmmm's" and "I see's," she told me that she would have to conduct a digital examination. She asked Frodo if he would be uncomfortable with her performing the examination. Without hesitation Frodo responded, "Young lady, Frodo has no objection whatsoever because you are about to satisfy a lifelong fantasy."

With that, the doctor began to laugh. She laughed so hard that she could not stand up straight, and tears ran down her cheeks onto the examination room floor. Everytime she raised her head and her eyes met Frodo's, she would begin to laugh again. Soon Frodo began to laugh, too. The laughter became so raucous that eventually a nurse knocked on the door to see if there was a problem of some sort. Neither Frodo nor the doctor could stop laughing long enough to answer the door. The nurse must've simply stood there for several minutes, hesitating to interrupt whatever was going on in that examination room.

When, finally, the laughter ceased, the digital examination was just about to commence when the doctor snickered. That started Frodo to laugh again, which, of course, led to the doctor developing another hysterical outburst. By now, Frodo was buck naked, and the doctor had probably wet her britches.

Then, as suddenly as it had begun, the two got their respective breaths, and went efficiently about the completion of their professional relationship. Upon completion, Frodo went to the reception area to finalize the fiscal aspect of his transaction, and to pick up the prescription the doctor had prepared for him. As he started out the door, he turned and looked back to see the doctor standing on the far side of the room, smiling. He said to her, "You were a dream come true." And she started to laugh again as Frodo stepped, smilingly, into a February's twilight.

One thing is for sure. Frodo would never have had such an experience with his present physician.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:51 PM EDT
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Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Look at That Caveman Go
Mood:  smelly
Topic: "Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Banishment" is a word that sounds medieval. In the Icelandic Sagas it says that banishment was the supreme penalty for the lawbreaker. The offender was simply taken out to the very middle of the country and left all alone. Should he return to civilzation he would be deemed akin to a parolee. However, the Icelanders never had to face that happenstance.

Frodo begins this discussion because banishment is not quite as medieval as some may think. In the land of Georgia, beyond the Shire, banishment exists as a legal punishment for criminals, and as a relief for the banishing county. In truth, a lawbreaker may be driven by the local constabulary from the jail where he is serving a sentence to the City of Atlanta and merely dropped off to fend for himself. It happens with great regularity.

Sadie Fields, who heads the Georgia Chapter of the Christian Coalition, appeared on television last week in an interview. She argued for the State Legislatures' restriction on the rights of gay people. To justify her position she referred to the Old Testament, specifically the Books of Leviticus and Exodus. What Sadie failed to acknowledge, or for that matter what the crack interviewer failed to question, was that these are exactly the same parts of the Old Testament used by past Georgia officials to justify the existence of slavery.

Now the State of Georgia has proposed the most restrictive residential laws imaginable against one particular class of lawbreaker. What has been proposed is that no "registered sex offender" may reside within 1000 feet of any school bus stop in the State of Georgia. By actual measurement this means that there is virtually no location in any metropolitan area in which a person so deigned would be able to live. Should such a person already live in an affected location, then they must leave their residence. A "registered sex offender" is a person with a criminal record who has served his sentence, been paroled, or otherwise released from custody. The punishment, it seems, never ends.

Frodo will not argue that everyone is an innocent, and should be treated as such, but it is fallacious to assume that all those cited above should be singled out for special treatment. Rural offenders, gay people, slaves, and "registered sex offenders" are probably just about as diverse as the internees at Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib. One should probably never turn one's back on a lawbreaker, but to give them no opportunity to ever rejoin the greater community is just plain evil.

There are times when Frodo is not very proud of those who claim to represent him, or his values, or the Shire. Perhaps if they would be required to learn the Ten Commandments by heart? Frodo wonders if Representative Lynn Westmoreland (R-Ga) would sponsor such a proposal?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:32 PM EDT
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Sunday, June 25, 2006
Well It Looks Like Raindrops, So Many Raindrops
Mood:  cool
Topic: "Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
The composition of the soil is such that once the presence of moisture is minimized, then the texture is that of concrete. Add water, and the chemical reaction that results is best described as clay. In any event, no matter what stage it assumes, it is almost impossible to farm or garden when it is either too wet or too dry. One has to wait for the right time and circumstance. The fact that anything grows is a tribute to "Yankee ingenuity."

Frodo has been thinking about that ingenuity a great deal lately. As a businessman, Frodo believes in capitalism and the opportunity it affords to the adventurous risk-taker with a better idea. He differs from most of his associates in that he readily accepts that with success comes societal obligation. Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, and Ted Turner are three men whom Frodo regards as models for that in which he believes. Many of those with whom Frodo does business are more concerned with minimizing their obligations, moral or economic.

Frodo once met a young man who had been in Lithuania when the Soviet Union collapsed. The young man told him the following story which Frodo repeats here as a reminder that success does not necessarily correspond to advantage over the less fortunate. Sometimes, it just is.

The young man had completed an assignment for his employer in Germany, and was on his way home to the United States. He passed through Lithuania on the way home, and there he happened to meet several businessmen who were discussing the changes in their country that were sure to follow. At an outdoor cafe he asked the men what they felt was the one thing that the consumers in this former Soviet-bloc nation would most like to obtain from the West.

"Oh, that's easy," said one of the businessmen, "beer, in cans." The others began to nod and quickly voiced their assent.

The young American was aghast. "You've got to be kidding me," he said. "You and your European neighbors brew the greatest beers in the world, and even the best American product is almost tasteless in comparison."

"Oh, that we know, but you have to consider that the Lithuanian people have been watching American TV for years, and with that, we get your commercials," he responded. "That means we have been watching blonde-haired girls in bikinis riding horses on the beach, and drinking beer out of cans. Beer is not in cans in Europe, it is poured into a glass, or served in a bottle."

As they talked, the young American asked a simple question. "How much American beer could you distribute, and how much could you pay for it?" The men looked at one another, and a discussion of possibility began. Remember dear reader, this was a time when the Internet did not yet exist, and something called "TeleFax" was as high-tech as international communication stood.

"We feel that we could sell 5 Million cans of beer, and that we can afford to pay something in the neighborhood of $1,250,000 in US dollars." The young American began to do some mental calculations, and he remembered that his college roomie used to drink some cheap beer that he got for about $1.50 per six-pack. If he could get a wholesale price for the beer, then he just might be able to make enough money to make the effort profitable.

He placed telephone calls to several breweries in the US, finally finding a potential with the Heilemann Brewing Company. They, at the time, had a product called "Red, White, and Blue" which did retail in the US for $1.50 per six-pack. They told the young American they could meet an order for 5 Million cans of beer, (translating to 833,335 six-packs, or 208,335 cases roughly) at a wholesale rate of $.20 per can. Mental calculations quickly translated that 5 cents per can into a potential gross profit of $250,000.

From this discussion he learned that the price included delivery FOB (Free on Board) to any American port of departure.

Three more long distance telephone calls provided him with a shipping contact in New York who could deliver the beer to Hamburg, Germany, for 3 cents per can. Gross profit now reduced to $100,000.

He was able to arrange train transportation from Hamburg to Lithuania for an additional 1 cent per can. Then came the bad news. He learned that Germany had a protective tariff against the importation of foreign beer into that country. It amounted to 1 cent per can.

Defeat snatched from the jaws of victory is something that does not deter a good businessman. The young American, with no more than two additional calls to the US, learned tht if he had the beer delivered to the Port of Baltimore that there was a shipper there who could deliver the beer directly to Lithuania. The cost would be 4 cents per can.

When all was said and done, the young American had spent less than 12 hours, and incurred total expenses of less than $100 in long-distance telephone calls, to achieve a profit of 1 cent per can, or $50,000. The story ends with delivery of 5 Million cans of "Red, White, and Blue" to Lithuania. The supply was sold out in no time, and all of the investors made money.

Since the beer tasted like crap, it should be noted that no further orders were received at the Heilemann Brewing Company. The good people of Lithuania learned that not everything you see on television is as it appears.

When last Frodo heard of that young man, he had returned to Germany, and was looking for opportunity. Frodo believes he must be working on something to prevent soil from becoming either too wet or too dry. At least he wouldn't be at all surprised to find it so.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:02 PM EDT
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Saturday, June 24, 2006
It Always Was a Mighty Fine Wine
Mood:  special
Topic: "Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
Ogal Preston Crews was a bullfrog;
He was a good friend of mine,
I never undestood a single thing he said,
But I helped him drink his wine.
It always was a mighty fine wine.

Joy to the world,
All the boys and girls,
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea,
Joy to you and me.

Ogal Preston Crews--scholar, raconteur, dog-lover, benefactor, character, and a resident of Fincastle, Virginia, today joined his beloved "Mrs. Peel," and right about now she is licking his hand and telling him how much she has missed her master.

Frodo cannot feel sad, except for himself.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:32 PM EDT
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Thursday, June 22, 2006
She's Mighty Tall And Handsome And Known Quite Well by All
Mood:  happy
Topic: "Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
The Riders of Rohan would never understand Frodo's fascination with a new motorcar. Remembering "The Wind in The Willows," and how overjoyed Mr. Toad was when he took delivery of the first motorcar to be parked at Toad Hall, Frodo is awash with excitement. Despite the impending collapse of the oil-based economy, Frodo figures that driving conservatively, a few miles each day, will still allow him to absorb the envy of the Orcs who inhabit the lands about the Shire. Frodo believes it is the ultimate narcotic for the Progressive; to have a Republican salivating over his brand new motorcar. The best part though, is when they see the sticker on the rear window that says, "W-orst President Ever."

Symbols of opulence have never meant very much to Frodo. There is something however, about a gleaming polish and stylish lines that dwarf the boxy appearance of every other motorcar. A slope, as opposed to a corner, on the hood, and an oval rising above each of the dual headlights is crowned by a leading feline ornament.

On his way home tomorrow, Frodo will stop at the grocery store, and park way out in the parking lot. Orcs leaving in their little boxes will notice Frodo's motorcar as they drive by in their sweaty chariots. When Frodo departs the store, carrying a bottle of wine and a block of cheese, he will walk, head erect, never glancing at the Orcs. Through his sunglasses Frodo looks sideways to catch the little drip of saliva that marks the Republican caught breaking one of the Ten Commandments.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's ass (or his Jaguar).

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:41 PM EDT
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Tuesday, June 20, 2006
I Want to Get Lost in Your Rock And Roll And Drift Away
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "3 Percent Turnout" (2)
This past week thousands of Virginians exercised their rights as free citizens. Most of them sat down and picked their noses, or so it seems to Frodo, and, of course, that is their right. Just ask all those Virginians who risked their "sacred life, honour, and fortune" to frame the Constitution. "If so inclined," said Frodo, "one might also consider those who felt that their rights extended to include secession." It is a truism that Virginia has often been on point in the battle for individual liberty.

Norton is a community of 4,000 located in the extreme southwestern tip of Virginia. It is Virginia's smallest city, and it was founded for the same reason as its' current status; it is a coal-mining town. Pretty much everyone in the community turned out for the "Best Friend Festival," to observe or participate in the bubble-gum-blowing, watermelon-seed-spitting, limbo, or karaoke activities held during the week-long celebration. Coincidentally, an election was held at the same time.

Jim Webb and Harris Miller were the Democratic combatants in the primary held to produce a challenger to erstwhile alleged US Senator George Allen. When the dust cleared and all the votes were counted, Webb emerged victorious. The significance of the victory may pale when statistics revealed that the turnout, statewide, of registered voters was 3%. That, dear reader, is no typo, it was 3%.

Mentioning the City of Norton serves a purpose to Frodo's composition this evening. In Norton, the vote count was 49. Not 49%, no, 49 total, out of 4,000, probably half of whom were at least registered voters.

George Allen is a stumbling, bumbling, fumbling, butt-kissing, tobacco-chewing hypocrite (As the saying goes, "And those are his good points"). Yet, only 49 people could interrupt the "Best Friend Festival" in order to determine his opponent in the Fall Election.

Has Frodo mis-judged the depth of voter discontent with the performance of the Congress of the United States? Or has the energy crisis given rise to the price of coal and added to the complacency of people who enjoy karaoke? According to one Norton resident, Joyce Payne, the answer is a simple one.
"None of that is what is on people's minds here this week. This is just a time of fun and relaxation. Sometimes you have to just chill and relax; people in Washington should try that. Really, it'll lengthen your life."

At this very moment, Frodo truly believes, Thomas Jefferson is trying to clean the boogers off the mantelpiece at Monticello.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:30 PM EDT
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Monday, June 19, 2006
You'll Be My Friend Should I Grow Old
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "Third Strike Nuance (2)"
Matthew Hahn of Los Gatos, California is a burglar. Hahn, who is 26, faces life imprisonment if convicted for his latest spree which just happens to be his third offense. Under California Law, three felony convictions automatically results in a life sentence for the offender. Frodo notes that "no activist judge" is going to have the option to let a career criminal back on the streets. The phrase "Damn straight," is something Frodo would probably hear in response if he uttered these words out loud.

"Nuance" is an interesting word, and Frodo likes to use it when he talks about hard-and-fast rules; those things which appear to be simply black or white. In the case of Mr. Hahn, the "nuance" is why he happened to get caught.

Last year, while committing the latest of his burglaries, Hahn noticed something very strange in a packet of photographs he had removed from his victims' residence. The photographs were of a man molesting a small child. Hahn anonymously mailed the photographs to the police. Utilizing that information, the police arrested Mr. Robbie Aitken who subsequently pleaded "No Contest" and is now serving a 30-year sentence. Utilizing the same information, the police arrested Mr. Hahn for burglary, and charges are now pending against him which will send him to jail for the rest of his life.

The "nuance" of mandatory sentencing is that Mr. Hahn may have forever remained a free man had he simply destroyed the pictures. The "nuance" of the criminal justice system is that a non-violent offender will receive a harsher penalty than will a man whose deviant behavior endangered a child. The "nuance" is that Hahn is an extremely intelligent, well-read, drug addict, who committed crimes to finance his addiction, but who has not lost his sense of humanity. The system dictates that he be removed to the "garbage pile of life."

In the cell which houses Matthew Hahn there is a growing stack of books. Among the dialogues of Plato, the Tao Te Ching, and "Law for Dummies," there is a paperback entitled "Martyrs," a collection of stories about people who sacrificed their lives for their faith. It is a present from the mother of a young girl, forever nameless.

Simply giving Mr. Hahn another chance is not an answer, but, as the old saying goes, "a mind is a terrible thing to waste." So is a heart.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:23 PM EDT
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Sunday, June 18, 2006
Everybody's Subject to The Blues Now And Then
Mood:  blue
Topic: "Murtha For President(2)"
Frodo was somewhat surprised when John Murtha (D-Pa) announced that he intended to be a candidate for the position of House Speaker should the Democratic Party regain majority status. Then again, Frodo was surprised that he was surprised. What an incredibly brilliant tactical, political move for the Democratic Party? Then again, why hadn't Frodo been counting Murtha among the viable candidates for the White House itself?

The gallant Braves have played as if they were allergic to anything wrapped in horsehide. The Georgia Tech baseball team entered the College World Series and performed as if the nuclear reactor on campus had entered melt-down phase. The Democrats were running around like deer in the headlights because Karl Rove was not an immediate transferee to the federal facility at Fort Leavenworth. "West Wing" had ended its' hopeful run with Jed Bartlett riding off into the sunset and President Santos preparing to confront a foreign policy crisis. The Incomparable Moron (OK, Frodo apologizes, that is "President Incomparable Moron") was shucking and jiving with the White House Press Corps as if his midnight run to Baghdad had actually changed something. Frodo has to admit that some of this was getting him down.

Climbing Mount Doom was not something Frodo had built into his game plan, it was something he inherited. He has learned that things change along the way, and that every success is subject to a fluid environment filled with giant spiders, volcanic lava, and treachery.

Which brings Frodo back to the surprising Mr. Murtha. He is not a handsome man. He is not really a very erudite speaker. He has kept out of the limelight for lo his many years in Congress. That is, he did, until the Pre-Emptive War got to be too much to bear.

Murtha is on the attack, everywhere. He is challenging fellow Members of Congress for their butt-kissing opinions supporting "President Incomparable Moron," and he is quick to the jugular of Karl Rove. He is speaking for the military officers who have no voice, he is speaking for the soldiers who just do their job, and he is speaking for Frodo.

Tonight, Frodo speaks back. Frodo is honored to enter into nomination the name of Congressman John Murtha, American, to be the next President of the United States of America.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:47 PM EDT
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