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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
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"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
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"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
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"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
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"Preemptive Invasion"
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"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
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"Proud Walter" (5)
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"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
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"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
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"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
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"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
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"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
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"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
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"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
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"Rules" (7)
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"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
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"S'long Sarong (2)"
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"Satire-Apology to Mick"
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"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
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"Science Marches On"
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"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
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"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
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"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
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"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
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"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
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"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
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"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
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"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
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"Southern Ladies" (5)
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"Stan & Ollie"(7)
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"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
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"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
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"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
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"Texas Exes" (8)
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"Thar She Blows"
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"The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)
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"W is for Wuss""
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"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
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"Water into Wine?"
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"Wayne Johnson"(4)
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"Well, Duh!"
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"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
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"You Take the High Road"
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"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Out of Touch, I'm Out of Touch
Mood:  silly
Topic: "I'll Huff and Puff" (4)

"Senator McCain, Town-Hall Meeting Attendee Frodo here, how are you this evening?"

"Good, I'm glad to here that Sir.  You know at your age you need to be careful, and as we all know, it seems like most people seem to die in close proximity to their birthday.  Your birthday is coming up in about a week, isn't it?"

"Well Senator, all of that aside, I guess we can't let this evening pass without asking about those seven houses, with an approximate value of $14M, that you couldn't seem to ennumerate for that reporter from Politico.Com."

"Yessir, I cetainly agree, reporters do tend to dwell on the less important issues.  In any event Sir, I'm sure that the audience out there in TV land would like to know more than what they have heard from those worthless media types.  Sir, how many of those houses are located in either Ohio, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, Michigan, Indiana, New Hampshire, Georgia, Missouri, North Carolina, or Iowa?"

"Okay, if you would have your staff get back to us on that, it would be appreciated.  You know that many of the voters in those "swing states" might find it curious that you seek their votes and portray yourself as one of them, when you pay property taxes in seven states, but in none of theirs, don't you Sir?"

"Oh, sure, I understand.  It is understandable that one of those houses does need to be in Arizona, whom you represent in the Senate, and another has to be in the DC Suburbs of Virginia, but I'm curious about the place in San Diego, as well as the getaway in the Hamptons?"

"Yessir, that makes perfect sense, but haven't you thought about picking up a couple of pieces of property that are in foreclosure?  I mean, wow, you can really get some good deals in places like North Dakota, or South Carolina."

"Oh yeah, good point, it might look bad for you to take advantage of economic events brought about by a Republican Presidency, Congress, and a Right-leaning Judiciary, wouldn't it?"

"Well Senator, thank you very much for explaining why you have trouble even counting how many houses you own.  And while you're at it, could you explain to me how those scanners work in the grocery store?"


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:03 PM EDT
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Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Don't Stop Believin'
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Painted Toenails?"(4)

Frodo is a frequent visitor at The Book Exchange in Marietta, GA.  He mentions this not as a "plug" in behalf of a small, but growing, business, although he is enamored of the pluck shown by the owner, but because it is the source of his personal pledge to read at least one book by everybody.  From Tom Clancy to Victor Hugo, Frodo mixes mood and opportunity in order to select used copies at greatly reduced prices.

Frodo is keenly aware of the fact that, like Sam, he could go to the extensive and impressive public library system and select books for free.  However, Frodo doesn't like being put on waiting lists, or waiting in line while some overweight Republican commences a discussion about the latest book on Oprah's reading list.  Frodo does not care about Oprah's reading list.  Frodo knows what he wants when he sees it, and planning has little attraction to a Hobbit wrestling with Gollum.

As stated previously, Frodo admires the ownership of the little used-book store.  The owner has regular visitations by authors, albeit most of them are ladies who write books that would make Frodo blush.  She also has read a lot of books which Frodo has not, and she is not sanguine about an opinion or two noting that some authors write like others, and Frodo "might like" this-or-that author.  Recently, Sam paid a visit to the shop and happened to mention Frodo to the owner.  Since Frodo had never introduced himself by name, the owner struggled trying to imagine exactly which of her customers would actually be a Hobbit.  Before Sam departed, Sam made a comment in support of Barack Obama, and was informed by the owner that she would be serving as a "hostess" again at the Democratic Convention.  For the second time, she would travel to the Democratic Convention and serve as a "guide" to press and politico alike.  She told Sam that she and a friend had rented a small house in Denver, and that they were calling it their "Obama Cabana."

Frodo made a point of driopping by during his lunch hour the next day.  As he stood at the cash register he remarked about the upcoming visit to Denver.  The startled owner tried desperately to figure out how this customer had any idea about her personal plans, and it was not until he remarked about Sam that she put two-and-two together.  Frodo, as he exited, again wished her well, and told her to wear a "white carnation" so that Frodo could have all the Hobbits watch for the owner of The Book Exchange.  It was her tactical error to laugh and to tell Frodo that she painted her toenails like "little American flags" while on duty at events such as the Convention.

So, dear reader, look for the smiling lady with the short blonde haircut, with toenails painted like "little American Flags," and amaze your friends by telling them that she owns a bookstore frequented by the Hobbit himself.

Do you think she might knock 5% off Frodo's next purchase?  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:32 PM EDT
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Tuesday, August 19, 2008
They Call Me Mellow Yellow
Mood:  lazy
Topic: "Olympic Changes" (4)

So, asks Frodo, is this guy Phelps the greatest athlete in the world?  Actually, says Frodo to himself, that is not terribly different from asking if George W. Bush is truly the worst of all Presidents.  The distinction between the two questions is that we all know the answer to the latter.  Mr. Phelps, ever since he decided to accept this assignment, has drawn the admiration, if not the adulation, of the host-Chinese, the American Basketball Team, and every mother who ever inflated water wings for a toddler.  The achievement behind eight gold medals won by a single individual needs only to be compared to the fact that Phelps has won more medals than all but eight countries competing in this years' Olympiad.  Still, Frodo thinks back to moments not forgotten when Carl Lewis, Michael Johnson, Edwin Moses, Althea Gibson or Wilma Rudolph won medals that did not involve either a Speedo or water temperatures.

There will always be reminders of great individual events, involving a Jesse Owens, or an Ice Hockey Team pulling off an improbable upset.  Frodo remembers a nameless marathoner entering the stadium in Mexico City, stumbling, falling, but desperately trying to finish, and the whole world watching as the human body began to separate itself from the determination of the human mind.  The will, if you will, is the story behind the story in moments such as these.  That is why Frodo watches, and listens.

Many years ago, Frodo introduced a black man to a potential employer.  The job was in America, the employer was Asian.  When the employer decided not to hire the young man, he tried to explain his thinking to Frodo, and he said something like this:  "Mr. Frodo, he is black, and I am yellow.  It is difficult for me to say that it may seem strange to our customers that he would call as our representative.  I know it is wrong.  It is only business."

Frodo thought of that as he watched the crowds around Kobe Bryant, all wanting his autograph, his picture, to touch him.  Every business in the world would love to have Kobe Bryant endorse their product.  It would seem as if things have really changed on our small, blue planet, haven't they?  So it would seem.

Frodo votes for Jim Thorpe.  Look it up dear reader, he was indeed the "greatest athlete in the world," (1912 in Stockholm) but they took his medals away.  Using the same rules today, Kobe Bryant would be stripped of his medal, too.  Rules, like swimwear, change over time.  Better it was, thinks Frodo, when the athletes did not cloak themselves at all.

Probably got a little chilly though.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:36 PM EDT
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Monday, August 18, 2008
Private Eyes Are Watchin' You
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: "Cone of Silence" (4)

A return to the Shire eventually leads all inhabitants to the same conclusion; there is no place like home.  Frodo sits in his gazebo, too enthralled by the activity to fully concentrate on the book in his lap.  It is Goldfinch season, and the tuxedoed males crest the cone flowers in search of their favorite seeds.  The orange hue of the Frittalaria in its' final stage of life floats from one passion flower to the next.  Yearling squirrels invade every feeder, despite the engineering mechanisms designed to thwart their assault.  Ruby-throat Hummingbirds flash from venues beyond detection, in pursuit of any intruder seeking to compete for the precious contents of the glass containers.  Through all of this the domesticated companions of Frodo sit, and take notes.

Beau Neau's tail flicks right, then left, then right again, as if he were keeping time with Mozart.  He concentrates on every movement by visitors to the Shire, seemingly unaware that he, too, is being observed.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, long ago determined that the highlight of his day is the instruction to "Get the Kitty," just before all the lights are dimmed and doors are made fast.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, pants in anticipation of this evenings' order.  Frodo cannot help but add a little mischief to the scenery.

When Frodo barks his command, all is set in motion and the mostly black dog strikes out in hot pursuit of his all-white rival.  Having been otherwise occupied, Beau Neau is briefly unprepared, and streaks out in an unfortunate direction.  Leaping the green plastic structure, and landing amidst, Beau Neau is suddenly reminded that the "Mr. Turtle Pool" is filled with water and corn oil (when placed upon the surface of the pool, the corn oil discourages the development of mosquito larvae).  With no more splash than that of an Olympic diver, Beau Neau rises back from the surface of the water and combines his sprint for the dog-door with an occasional irritating-shake of a paw.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, continues the chase until he reaches the door, and can turn back to Frodo with a look of operational satisfaction.

Squirrels bark from their lofts.  Blue Jays and Towhees replace the previous visitors to the bird feeders, and a lone Robin splashes in his bath.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, is inside, atop the transom which normally blows cooling air into the home shared by Frodo and Sam.  Beau Neau slithers back into the position he maintained before he was so rudely interrupted.  His tail now seems to move more methodically, perhaps, thought Frodo, he was now imagining something by Strauss.  Despite all the travail and the strife of days just passed, Frodo returned to his book, and all was right with the world.  If only it would last.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:17 PM EDT
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Thursday, August 14, 2008
I Got a Brand New Pair of Roller Skates, You Got a Brand New Key
Mood:  happy
Topic: "Wayne Johnson"(4)

Frodo's travels seem to present him with an inordinate number of opportunities to share a story or two.  Stella Thompson is a homemaker whose parentage happens to be Irish, Mexican, Apache, and Navajo.  Growing up near White Sands, New Mexico, Stella seemed to be the product of families who were traditionally prolific.  The story she shared with Frodo has to do with her Grandmother's 90th birthday, which took place during Stella's 14th year.

Stella's grandmother, a full-blooded Navajo was partially deaf but could communicate, at least to some extent in both Spanish and in Sign Language.  Unfortunately, her ability to communicate in her native tongue was an exercise in futility.  Aside from that, she did experience some additional difficulty in clear enunciation, such as her continued reference to her favorite TV star, John Wayne, as "Wayne Johnson."  It was this worship of her cowboy-vs-indian hero, which made her desire for an autographed picture of "Wayne Johnson" even more surprising.

That must have been exactly the reaction of the Hollywood Press Agent who received a letter, from Stella's uncle, which included a hand-written letter from Stella's grandmother.  The Press Agent sent it on to John Wayne, and asked him for an opinion.  Wayne asked if some time might be made available in his production schedule, and a visit to New Mexico was set in motion.

Stella's uncle was running a little late, so John Wayne arrived first at the home shared by Stella, and most of her family.  When John Wayne knocked on the door, even though she thought he looked familiar, Stella demanded to know "Who are you, and what do you want?"  Wayne tried to introduce himself, but was being rebuffed by an overly-protective 14 year-old when her uncle finally arrived and was able to bring the movie star into the home of his biggest fan.  "Wayne Johnson" brought a birthday card, a birthday cake, and a large, framed, autographed picture, which was then placed on top of a TV set for all time.  For two hours they talked, mostly in Spanish, and ate birthday cake.

Each year thereafter, on her birthday, Stella's grandmother received a birthday card from "Wayne Johnson."  The cards arrived like clockwork for 23 more years.  For as long as he lived thereafter, Frodo wants to believe that "the Duke" sent a birthday kiss, air-mail. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:04 PM EDT
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Friday, August 8, 2008
Honey, He's Not Our Kind
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "Groupies for Edwards"(4)

There are times when it seems as if the grand writer of the news is following Frodo around, asking him to write tomorrow's headline.  The admissions of former Senator John Edwards (D-NC) follow on the heels of Frodo's inquiry into the fidelity of Senator John McCain (R-AZ) on this very screen, less than twenty-four hours ago.  Frodo should not be surprised by anything that a barrister-turned-politician has ever done, much less by what might someday be done.  These characters attract groupies, and they don't know how to handle them until they find that the snaps on the bra have come loose.  It is at that point that things become glandular, as opposed to rational, and the question truly become, "What would this candidate do if the telephone rang at 3 AM?"

John Edwards would hide in the Men's Room.  He should count himself fortunate that Senator Larry Craig (R-ID) is not waiting for him in the next stall.

Frodo harbors increasing disdain for professional athletes.  Despite the fact that nearly all of them are younger, wealthier, and more talented than Frodo has been on even his best day, most are dumber than dishwater.  Frodo believes that if one were to count the number of "y'knows" verbalized during any interview of a professional athlete that the frequency would exceed the ability to enumerate absent electronic imaging.  That aside, Frodo believes that professional athletes have learned how to deal with the Lewinsky/Hunter/Flowers types who rest on their knees with satisfaction on their faces.  Wilt Chamberlain, the late, great. professional basketball center publicly alleged that, during his 50+ years on this small, blue planet, he had sexual relations with 20,000 women.

Frodo has always had difficulty with that figure, but he admires it.  He might feel better about any politician who explained his indiscretions in the same manner. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:45 PM EDT
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Thursday, August 7, 2008
Makes Me Feel Half Alive
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "Wrinkly,White-haired"(4)

Frodo has seen just about all of Paris Hilton that he can stand.  What is particularly disheartening is that she is not being featured on the multitude of cable entertainment stations, but is appearing amidst that which is presented as news.  Maybe the folly is nothing more than the entire viewing public taking a few days off before total immersion in the less than 90 days that separates insanity from the selection of a new Presidency.  Frodo certainly hopes that is the case.

The charges and the counter-charges of everything from race-baiting to ignorance are really irritating, simply because they are not serious issues.  Frodo is waiting for the real haymakers to come out of the woodwork, when desperation breeds contemptible, but effective, questions about the character of the opponent.  Although Frodo would love to believe that both Obama and McCain are keeping some secret pledge to one another (discussed perhaps when they sat together at Tim Russert's funeral), he finds it hard to believe that no one is going to come forward with something truly scurrilous, like McCain's first wife.

It would behoove, thinks Frodo, for the old boy to prepare himself for the inevitable, which might develop something like this:

"Senator McCain?"

"Yes, my friend down here in the front row of this town hall meeting.  What is your question?"

"Senator, I am an Obama supporter, and I would like to ask you for the facts, on the public record, disregarding any of the innuendo, regarding the failure of your first marriage."

"The record is clear, my friend.  I am married now, for the second time, to a wonderful woman, and the strength of our relationship is there for everyone to see.  I am, indeed, blessed."

"Uh Senator, that's not what I asked.  I asked you to simply state what exists in the public record about the first marriage, in order to alleviate the kind of questions that can reflect poorly on individual conduct."

"You seem, my friend, intent on intruding in the personal affairs of private citizens, which I was, before any public office was sought or attained.  Can I satisfy you by simply saying that being a POW for more than five years created a tremendous strain on my relationship with my first wife, and the irreparable damage which resulted was the primary cause?  Is that good enough for you?"

"No Sir, it isn't.  Sir, with all due respect, I have read, particularly on the Internet, that there was conduct unbecoming to an officer and a gentleman relative to the victim of an automobile accident.  That conduct, and the lady's physical problems have been documented and presented by, shall we say, unconventional sources.  I am merely asking you to acknowledge what is the truth, and to let us all walk away from the untrue.  Right now, I don't think there are many, if any, potential voters who are even aware of any allegations of misbehavior."

"Is this the way the Obama Campaign is going to conduct itself?  Slinging mud rather than addressing the serious issues that confront our country."

"Senator, I am trying to be respectful of you and your privacy.  All I am asking is for you to simply state the facts of the public record."

"Well, my friend, I, for one, am going to conduct my campaign on a higher level than to infer that personal issues between a husband and a wife are fodder for political gain .  Can we have another question please?"

Okay, now it's out there.   Consider the question asked Senator, my friend.




Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:33 PM EDT
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Saturday, August 2, 2008
If God Is Comin' He Oughtta Make It By Then
Mood:  vegas lucky
Topic: "Numbers Racket" (4)

2011, 65, 1946, 6500, 850, 81, 28, 6510.

Frodo had an Uncle who got busted a long time ago for "running numbers."  The casinos of Las Vegas, and the horse tracks in a dozen or so states were the only legitimate gambling opportunities for those so inclined at the time.  As Frodo recalls, the "numbers" was generally done over the telephone, and the bettor was guessing the last four numbers in something like the "T-Bill bid" on a particular day (any of our friends from Mississippi may interject here and provide additional clarity, given the large percentage of Mississippians who were players).  The order taker would pass the bets on to a "runner" who would deliver them to the "house," who paid the winners, and collected from the losers.  Ergo, the invention of "breaking kneecaps."

Numbers register a lot with Frodo these days, and the seven indicated above are part of his random thoughts on a hot Saturday afternoon.  In the year 2011, the first of the "baby boomers" reach the retirement age of 65, reflecting their births in 1946.  The world as known to Frodo and the Fellowship will change forever, and all of Middle Earth will reflect new realities.  Frodo, not unlike almost everyone else, remembers good times, and does not desire significant change as a general rule.  It is almost hard to believe that he will soon cast a vote for a President who is younger, not older, than Frodo.  It will be the first such instance, but probably not the last.

Last night, Frodo heard a very interesting discussion about issues, and context.  The political discussions and the emotional drive for universal healthcare became the latest example for Frodo, of how arguments are "shaped" or "marketed," and never quite presented fully, thoughtfully, to ensure material wisdom.  Frodo learned that, for every automobile produced in Detroit, Michigan last year,$6500 of each autombile so manufactured  represented costs associated with "healthcare."  At the same time, for the exact same make and model automobile manufactured in Ontario, Canada, the "healthcare" costs were $850.  The healthcare system in America, often described as "broken," but better than "socialized medicine," may actually be driving jobs out of America, and adding to the economic crisis surrounding the middle class.  Frodo, were he the CEO of General Motors (and he may be a far better choice than the numb-nut who has watched the stock drop to a third of its price just a year ago), would certainly move his manufactuting facilities to Ontario if he could save consumers just about $5650 per automobile.  Does that mean CEO Frodo would join the Lou Dobbs' list of villains moving US jobs "overseas?"

Today, the National Football League Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio (please note that Steven Colbert has not been invited) will today induct several new members.  Art Monk, from Syracuse University, and the Washington Redskins where he wore #81, will join Darrell Green, from Texas A&I, and the Washington Redskins where he wore #28, in this coveted recognition ceremony.  These guys played football, and Frodo can still sing all of the words to "Hail to the Redskins," as he salutes two good guys who still make the entire population of Dallas, Texas, put their thumbs in their butts before sucking deeply.

Finally, today, there is the year 6510, which relates back to our title song.  Frodo is willing to bet these were the "numbers" that tripped up his Uncle,  and landed him in the hoosegow.  Any takers?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 4:39 PM EDT
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Thursday, July 31, 2008
Because Of All My Pride, The Tears I Gotta Hide
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Unademdaze" (4)

It must have been just a little before lunchtime when the garbage truck flattened Frodo's mailbox.  The workers who were in the process of destroying Frodo's kitchen and bathrooms soon gathered in his driveway in order to proffer their suggestions on how best to wreak revenge upon the miscreants.  Before they left for home, and prior to Frodo's arrival from Mount Doom, the same workers noted the presence of a liquid on the garage floor.  Frodo noted the same, and soon discovered that the water filter he had personally installed 19 years ago had chosen this exact moment in order to deteriorate beyond repair.  Frodo quickly changed shoes, and headed directly to the nearest hardware megalith in order to purchase a replacement for the trusty water filter.

Frodo learned that the company which manufactured the all too reliable water filter had gone out of business many moons in the past.  Upon examination, it was not evident that any of the other in-stock varieties would satisfactorily meet Frodo's need without exacting measurements.  Frodo returned home in his motorcar, but only after experiencing the worst of afternoon traffic.  Sam noted Frodo's condition, and strongly suggested that Frodo relax with some bread and a glass of water before returning to the hardware megalith.  Frodo promptly spilled water on his trousers.

After changing, Frodo took detailed measurements of the copper tubing and all associated connections.  He returned to the hardware megalith, and by arrival time was more than prepared to disassemble the skull of any salesperson who gave him any grief whatsoever.  The young man in the orange apron was probably an escapee from final period gym class, because it was quite evident that he had no appreciation or conception of plane geometry.  Frodo purchased a replacement water filter without additional carnage and returned home.

In his driveway, Sam was waiting in order to inform Frodo that the plumber was not going to be available until the morrow.  In typical Samwise fashion, Frodo was convinced that attempting to remove the old water filter, and to replace it, would take Frodo most of the evening, and would probably result in the destruction of every conceivable inch of water pipe in the hands of an enraged Hobbit.

Then the telephone rang.  It was Bilbo, calling to inform Frodo that the inordinately high humidity in Arizona was responsible for a constant state of lethargy.  As Frodo stood there dripping from head-to-toe, Bilbo told Frodo that the relative humidity in Arizona at that moment was 15 (not a misprint).   Frodo knew that the identical reading at the same moment in the Shire would have been edging into triple figures, so it was extremely difficult for him to retain a sympathetic ear to Bilbo's plight.

Frodo coaxed Mick, the Wonder Dog, to accompany him into the gardens of the Shire, but noted that Mick, the Wonder Dog, was reluctant to follow him.  Suddenly, from every conceivable angle, a horde of Tiger Mosquitos performed an acrobatic aeronautical assault on the Hobbit.  Not wanting to share the fate of the USS Nevada at Pearl Harbor, Frodo retreated inside in order to receive medical treatment.

Frodo turned on the black-and-white, and promptly was informed that the gallant Braves were getting waxed for the fourth consecutive time in four consecutive games.  Frodo retreated to the bedroom, crawled beneath the sheet, and proceeded to lose himself in the Twelfth Century under "The Pillars of the Earth."  Once his eyes wearied, he turned off the light and promptly struck the pose of an owl on nighttime patrol.

He must have fallen asleep, because his next memory was of a silent alarm clock with flashing numerals indicating quite some passage of time beyond the sunrise.  At least, thought Frodo, it was another day at hand; one, which if one followed the philosophical tendencies of Scarlett O'Hara, would only lead back to Tara.  Even days such as that just completed are worth remembering in Frodo's Shire. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:35 PM EDT
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Monday, July 28, 2008
I Ain't Got Time For Nothin' Else
Mood:  rushed
Topic: "The Splurge" (4)

It is no secret that the test results in the public schools of Georgia are abysmal.  Given, also, that the school year now begins during the second week of August, it would seem that, at last, somebody is getting serious about the fact that year-after-year, Georgia continues to produce the dumbest bunnies this side of Alabama.  Over the past several years the County of Cobb, which encircles the Shire, and is overwhelmingly Republican, has struggled with the problem of financing education.  Republicans, after all, are supposedly thriftier than Democrats, and would not be saddled with any tax increases for any purpose whatsoever, even for education.  That is, until somebody came up with the idea of a "temporary," yet "renewable" tax for a special purpose.  Thus was born the acronym SPLOST (Special Purpose Local Ordinance Sales Tax), dubbed affectionately by Frodo as "The Splurge."

"The Splurge" is not working.  Teachers continue to purchase student supplies out of their salaries.  Temporary trailers dot the landscape of each and every school, even before they open for service.  Classes in Music, Art Appreciation, and Foreign Language are increasingly trimmed from curricula.  The hundreds of thousands of dollars raised by increasing the local sales tax by a single penny must be going somewhere, doesn't it seem, dear reader?  Inquiring minds, as they say, want to know; especially since the assessment is "temporarily renewable."

The Elementary School of the Shire, affectionately dubbed by Frodo as "The Gulag," lies in the pastoral setting downhill from the Shire.  For the past several weeks, Frodo and his neighbor, Tom Bombadil, have looked down upon the army of contractors spreading a new layer of asphalt on the parking lot.  They turn out to be the same contractors spreading petroleum by-product at the highest prices ever recorded all over school parking lots throughout the county.  Some of the schools are less than two years old. 

The students of the Shire may not be getting any smarter, but their parents have plenty of room to park if they show up for parent-teacher meetings.         

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:16 PM EDT
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