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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Saturday, March 7, 2009
I See The Lights, I See The Party Lights
Mood:  hungry
Topic: "$100, Are You Sure?" (5)

Frodo has written before about his fond memories of a motorcar, a radio, and the dark of night on a stretch of lightly-travelled interstate highway.  When lights do beckon to an exit, it is often a guidepost to the Waffle House.  Created by two Georgia Tech students, both whom incidentally are still alive and in their 80's, the greasy pleasantness of the waitresses, and the short-order cook, are a diversion for the loneliest of nights.  The conversations are brief, but pleasant, and the fellow customers are as much fun as Saturday Night in Times Square.  Where people such as these gather, interesting events are sure to happen, and these that follow were first chronicled by Sharon Gaus and Phil Kloer of the ATLANTA JOURNAL AND CONSTITUTION.

In March of 1999, a waitress at a Waffle House in Montgomery received a lottery ticket as a tip, and the result was a $10M first prize.  Four co-workers sued.

April of 2003 gave us the funeral services of a frequent customer at the Waffle House near Gainesville.  Attended by more than 40 fellow customers and emoloyees, past and present, the funerary urn sat atop the hood of a 1958 Oldsmobile.

It was in March of 2007 when police arrived at the Waffle House just outside Richmond,  in order to break up a fight between two women.  Using this as an opportunity, four drunken male customers skipped out without paying.  Since their combined check was more than $100, police pursued at speeds reaching 110 mph (Frodo has computed that the entire menu price list is less than $100).

Without further explanation, in April of that same year, an Atlanta man barricaded himself in the mens room at the Waffle House just off Northside Drive in Atlanta.  When police broke down the door, the customer was naked and attacked the officers with a toilet paper dispenser.  He was maced and subdued.

On a lighter note, Bubba Mathis and Pam Christian, two Waffle House employees in Dacula, got married in the parking lot.  The wedding party then gathered inside for cake and coffee.

Topping it all however, this past October, "Kid Rock" got into a "disagreement" with a Waffle House customer when his tour bus stopped at a Buford Highway location.  Rock pleaded "no contest" to battery, and earned more than $12,000 for charity by signing autographs in the parking lot. 

Samwise, travelling with Frodo, once took hold of the door handle outside a Waffle House on a long-forgotten byway, and held on for dear life when the handle came free from its mooring.  Given that the employees inside were all quite busy, the quandary would have been best resolved if Sam had merely followed Frodo's advice, and let him keep it, as a souvenir.



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:25 AM EST
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Thursday, March 5, 2009
Just Give Me Some Kind Of Sign Girl
Mood:  hug me
Topic: "Swiss Miss" (5)

Morris Frank was a 20-year-old student at Vanderbilt University who was very unhappy about his dependency on others.  After learning of an American named Dorothy Eustis, living in the Swiss town of Vevey, who had written an article about dogs being trained to assist humans with disabilities, he decided to have a "look" for himself.  Here he was introduced to Buddy.

After a very extensive joint training program, Eustis provided the financial backing for Morris to return to America in order to spread the word about Seeing Eye dogs.  Reporters who greeted Frank and Buddy in New York Harbor were immediately dumbfounded by the way "she moved forward into the ear-splitting clangor, stopped, backed up, and started again."  Frank himself later wrote in his book "First Lady of the Seeing Eye" that "I lost all sense of direction and surrendered myself entirely to the dog.  I shall never forget the next three minutes. . .ten-ton trucks rocketing past, cabs blowing their horns in our ears, drivers shouting at us. . .When we finally got to the other side and I realized what a really magnificent job she had done, I leaned over and gave Buddy a great big hug abd told her what a good, good girl she was."

As time passed, what seemed to amaze people the most was that Buddy had an ability called "intelligent disobedience."  She would obey Frank without question, except when the execution of a command would result in harm to Frank.  Her new friend found that what he enjoyed most were the conversations in which he could now participate because people initiated discussions with him about the dog, when, in earlier times, people would be hesitant to speak at all.  After two years in Frank's hometown of Nashville, where they had founded "The Seeing Eye" as a training center for guide dogs and their new acquaintances, Eustis and Frank moved to Morristown, New Jersey, since the German Shepherds found the Tennessee climate too hot for training all-year round.

There were no laws in America at the time to allow the presence of Seeing Eye dogs in restaurants, hotels, trains.  Frank startled many of those who attempted to stop Buddy from entry by simply insisting that "I'm not bringing her in; she's bringing me in."  A railroad porter once attempted to remove Buddy from a sleeping car after allowing her to guide Frank to his berth.  The exhibit of her "beautiful teeth" was a great equalizer in the struggle for Seeing Eye dog liberty.

Buddy arrived in Nashville in 1927, and, as all things must, ended her association with Frank in Morristown in 1938.  The obituary, printed at length in the NEW YORK TIMES stated "Buddy had appeared on hundreds of lecture platforms and barked in response to applause; she had been received by Presidents Coolidge and Hoover and other notables; and she had been led into the homes of poor among the blind and given them hope while they patted her and fingered her harness."

Today, dear reader, you can learn at that 14,000 dogs have been trained, beginning with Buddy.  You can go downtown in Morristown and "see" what is probably the only statue in the entire world of a blind man and his dog.

Good, good girl.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:36 PM EST
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Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Don't It Make Your Brown Eyes Blue
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "Little Houdini" (5)

Mick, the Wonder Dog, is feigning exhaustion.  Despite the fact that each of his days is more than a week in people time, Frodo questions the lack of enthusiasm in his furry friend as compared to last evening.  Frodo notes that Mick, the Wonder Dog, was present when the TV announcer filled the digital divide with his rendition of the escaped convict out there, somewhere, in the darkness, not far from the Shire.

It seems that a gentleman, charged with larceny in his home State of Tennessee, was being transported back to that jurisdiction when the Deputy, not named Sullenger, piloted to a point that converged his appetite and the presence of a Waffle House.  The prisoner wore shackles and handcuffs while remaining in the smokeymobile.  Although no one has stated so to this point, it was assumed that the Deputy would bring the prisoner a waffle or a bowl of grits.  In any event, when the Deputy not named Sullenger returned to his duties, he was somewhat surprised to find that the prisoner was no longer in attendance.

The presence of a State University across the street from the Waffle House presented the first challenge for assisting authorities.  A lockdown of the State University was immediately announced, and armed guards were posted at every street corner between the Waffle House and Coca-Cola Headquarters.  Following that announcement, the news helicopters took flight.  It was probably somewhere about this time that Mick, the Wonder Dog, first looked skyward, with concern.

Frodo and Sam marveled at the precision by which the authorities began to search each and every automobile, forcing drivers to open trunks and to correspond to the photographs pasted on their drivers licenses.  The aerial coverage was filled with banners proclaiming "Breaking News."  Surely, thought Frodo, "Jack the Ripper" was somewhere in the vicinity for all of the attention given to some guy from Tennessee charged with such a serious offense.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, sought shelter in an upstairs bedroom, in the dark, under a bed.

The talking head representing Channel 46 finally got around to telling the frightened community that the escapee was not considered "armed and dangerous."  In fact, his last name was "Gay," and his picture seemed to resemble anyone who had ever attended a NASCAR event and taken a leak under the stands.  His crime had been the stealing of a bus owned by Crystal Gayle.

Mr. Gay, it seems, according to his deposition, wanted to surprise his mother with a special present for her birthday, and since she was a big fan of Crystal Gayle, it only seemed logical that her bus would be a welcome addition to the space beside his Mama's double-wide.  For some unexplained reason however, Mr. Gay drove the bus all the way down to Florida.  Once there, he drove up to the Daytona Speedway and announced that he was the chauffeur hired to drive Tony Stewart (evidently this is a person of some reknown in NASCAR circling exhibitions) to his next race.  It is not clear at this moment what tipped off Mr. Stewart that something didn't seem quite right, but it is likely that Mr. Stewart was also to be a part of Mr. Gay's Mama's birthday surprise.  It was at this point that authorities stepped in, and which, of course, led to the assigned responsibility of the Deputy not named Sullenger.

A full day has passed, and there has been no further sign of Mr. Gay.  Things have returned back to normal at the Waffle House, and the State University remains on high alert.  That, dear reader, is a pun.

Mick, the Wonder Dog, passes through the dog-door and peers deep into the darkness.  He lifts his leg on Frodo's lawnmower and his gaze is unbroken from the slightest movement in the Gardens of the Shire.  Amazing, thinks Frodo, that his friend sensed so quickly that he, too, could be on his way to Mama's for birthday cake and cookies.  Frodo locks the door behind, considering that both Mr. Gay and his Mama were likely supporters of McCain and Palin.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:14 PM EST
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Tuesday, March 3, 2009
There Was Always Something Doing
Mood:  lazy
Topic: "Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)

Frodo loves to draw parallels.  Justifying a particular course of action, or preventing it, is an end game in and of itself.  For example, Frodo always listens intently to those who advocate a "Fair Tax," or that dimwitted idea fostered by nondescript Congressman John Linder (R-GA) and the egocentric misanthrope Neal Boortz.  Frodo follows up the presentation with a simple request, "Sir, can you give us an example of where, or when, this system was successfully implemented?"  The idea that a whole new system of taxation, untested throughout human history, would be put into place to replace that of the largest economy on Earth, at a far lower cost than any system in any location at any time, is ludicrous, at best.

Much of the debate regarding the Obama Economic Stimuli emanates from those who argue that the result will be a "socialist" system, and that the sacred "capitalist" method of economic growth will be supplanted by those not willing to work and achieve.  Frodo is always amused when he hears that "government" needs to be run more like a "business."  Frodo is one of the few who has managed in both worlds, and knows that nothing is further from the desirability factor.  Every decision in "business" is geared to the reduction of cost, or the increase in revenue.  Even goodwill is a factor in bringing customers into the fold when the objective is always "to make a profit."  In government however, there is policy, and there are behaviors which are guided without regard to cost.

Government wishes to reduce pollution in the environment.  It is impossible to quantify what pollution costs.  Government has only the option to throw as much money as it can at a problem, like pollution, hoping that nobody tries to count all that money, and then to measure pollution "standards."  Government does good if pollution is reduced, and cost is not the issue.

The point of this discussion is that, sometimes, if not usually, government does tend to wander somewhat philosophically afield when trying to achieve an immeasurable goal, like reducing pollution.  In Germany, an exhuberant member of the BUNDESTAG has noted that lots and lots of citizens have dogs, and that fewer and fewer of the dogowners seem to be "picking up" after their canine companions.  In order to reduce the pollution in the national parks and byways, he has suggested that DNA samples be taken from every pet in Germany.

This suggestion is not without merit.  By taking a sample of every pile of dog poop surreptitiously disposed, then matching it against the computerized DNA Doggy register, the culprit can be identified and justice can be meted out properly.

Frodo rapidly computed a cost factor of about 2,000,000,000 Euros to such an endeavor (which is roughly equivalent to President Obama's budget for 2010).  At least, spending the money on a DNA Doggy register would prove to be "shovel ready."  Note also that if the Germans are successful they will have stimulated their economy and eradicated the current supply of dog poop in the Fatherland.

There will still be lots of poop in America.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:43 PM EST
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Saturday, February 28, 2009
One Of A Kind Love Affair
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: "Problem, Officer?" (5)

The South Carolina Highway Patrol is probably one of the most disliked organizations on our small blue planet.  Frodo believes that everyone knows at least one other person who has attempted transit through the first State to secede, and found themselves charged with a traffic offense for excessive speed.  It is, in Frodo's mind, not possible to go fast enough to get through South Carolina.  That is, of course, unless one plans to visit "Frodo's Pizza" in Anderson (ask for Gandolf).

Frodo was bemused by the recent arrest of an off-duty State Patrol Officer in South Carolina, stopped on suspicion of DUI.  When asked to step out of his motorcar, the apparently male suspect was wearing a blonde wig, a bra, red panties (with black lace), and spiked heels.  Perhaps a pseudonym was used, perhaps not, but in any event the surname given by the suspect was Hoover.  Given the fact, as described some years ago, that Frodo was privileged to attend the funeral of he known as J. Edgar, it is, for the sake of argument, probably only a distant relative.  Frodo is not sure if the suspect bore the name Clyde.

Hoping against hope that Trooper Hoover, a Goober, who had arrested many a Mover, often perhaps driving a Cougar, Frodo saw the scales of justice properly adjusted.  Civil Judge Uecker, brandishing a Luger, splattered him with a Booger that landed on his face just like a shining Louvre. 

You were expecting maybe, poetry?  From a Blogger? 

Happy Unbirthday!

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:07 PM EST
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Friday, February 27, 2009
It's Bad To Be Alone, Help Me Make It Through The Night
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: "Five Easy Pieces" (4)

Last evening, Kris Kristofferson appeared with Steven Colbert.  Kristofferson has always been an enigma to Frodo, not only because he is a Harvard-educated Rhodes Scholar in an environment where most of his peers are barely literate (and believe me, dear reader, Frodo knows), but because he has wasted so much of his talent on addictions.  Watching him last night, hoping Colbert might ask him to sing "Me and Bobby McGee," or "Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down," Frodo was struck by how much older, and more feeble, this very talented man has become.  Apparently, lifestyle catches up with all, eventually.

When, jokingly, asked about wading into the surf, nude, again, with Barbara Streisand, even Kristofferson had to acknowledge that "old men" bear little charm beyond sadness at what once was.  Colbert maintained that his "old man" image had its own attractiveness.  He concluded with two verses, accompanied on his own guitar, of "Help Me Make it Through the Night," and Frodo was sated.

Frodo was recently asked to compile a list of his favorite cinema productions, and he found reason to politely beg off.  Frodo has always admired the producer, more than the product.  Frodo will listen to anything written by Lionel Ritchie, or Willie Nelson, John Lennon, or Fats Domino.  Kristofferson is among those who wend words that Frodo recites in symphonic memory.

After tonight the number changes, hence the topic.  By chance it seems, Frodo's total presentations will then be a combination of very lucky numbers.  Given our present distress, and our "head so full of dreams" (for those who have never seen "The Elephant Man" on stage), it is appropriate that we march forward with a prayer for hope and good luck.  Like an old man with a song on his lips, Frodo thinks about the early morning light.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:15 PM EST
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Thursday, February 26, 2009
In A Blizzard He Was Lost, She Ran Calling
Mood:  special
Topic: "Dover" (4)

If, for whatever reason, someone were to distinguish the differences between Frodo and Sauron, the single most emotional point would involve respect.  Had Frodo been President of the United States, presiding over a War which he had initiated, rightly or wrongly, either he, or Sam, would have met the planes at Dover, each and every one.  For one who makes such decisions, the terrible cost must be imprinted, time and again, into the psyche, so that the cost of War never lessens.  The sacrifice is so immense that every decision needs to be weighed to fully consider the cost to be, as well that which has already taken place.  There is no compromise in Frodo's heart toward one, given responsibility, who failed to comprehend what is expected of those who lead.

It is a wise decision to respect the desires of a family as to the method by which they accept expressions of grief, solace, respect.  It is the same consideration offered for the funeral service at Arlington.  Although, for the past 20 years, families were denied this level of respect at Dover, it was their group decision to invite guests, including the media, to the funeral services.  It is only right, in Frodo's mind, that the family be offered the same level of respect when the loved one first returns, home.

The decision to not broadcast the deeply formal and respectful ceremony at Dover was made by George H. W. Bush.  His son, Sauron, failed to greet a single soldier home, at Dover.  The 43rd President of the United States never attended a single military funeral during his entire term of office. 

"Respect" is the word Frodo used above.  Perhaps "cowardice" deserves equal consideration.  Thus, dear reader, is the difference drawn.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:53 PM EST
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Wednesday, February 25, 2009
There's Been A Load Of Compromisin' On The Road To My Horizon
Mood:  lyrical
Topic: "Conspiracy Theory" (4)

Frodo has been making a concerted effort not to scorn those who swallow the grape juice.  Taking his cue from President Obama, Frodo has sincerely convened a process of listen-consider-debate in order to help mentally-challenged individuals accept the fact that, as of today, the Republican Party is little more than a heated slice of bread.  What he has found however, is that many refuse to accept the fact that they fly in the face of reason and public opinion.  In fact, Frodo was recently exposed to the current supposition which as some in the minority allege, is little more than Obama's plot to permanently implement the "liberal agenda."

Frodo pressed his fingertips to resemble the steeple at Winchester Catheral as he considered the words of his friend,  "That Obama has certainly hosed us, hasn't he?"

"In what way, dear friend and gentle heart?" queried the respectful Frodo.

"He's blown this financial crisis out of all proportion, and he's done so for the solitary purpose of getting the American public to accept all of the 'Democrat' pork-barrel projects."

"Pardon?" responded the quizzical Hobbit.

"You know what I mean," he said, "that Socialist has scared everyone into believing that if they don't give him 'carte blanche' with trillions of dollars, without even reading the 'Stimulus' legislation, we'll all be out of jobs and/or flat broke before noon tomorrow."

"Wait a minute," responded he of the Brotherhood of the Ring, "are you saying that the President is using this 'crisis' as a way to force implementation of his political opinions and goals?"

"Well, duh, can't you see it?"

"Well, out of fairness if nothing else," said the startled friend of Samwise, "I was giving the new President a little leeway in his apparent sincerity to seek a bipartisan approach to a huge problem.  Honestly, I thought that what he's done was to fight a recession the best way he knows how, and to involve as many people as possible in the process." 

"Oh come on Frodo, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid wrote that whole damn Stimulus Bill in one night, and they put in everything from the kitchen sink to statehood for the District of Columbia."

"Now you're being just a little bit silly," smiled the flushed scaler of Mount Doom.  "Can't you believe that there might actually be one man who is determined to eliminate the enmity, and who is doing his absolute best for the country, and that he truly doesn't care who gets the credit?"

"Frodo, Frodo, Frodo, how can you be so naive?"

"I'm not being naive," retorted he who struggled against Gollum, "it may indeed by a 'leap of faith' on my part, but I truly believe in this good man.  I am a damn good judge of character, and I believe this is a guy who loves his kids, his family, his country, and who sees his role in history, and realizes how much he represents to those, like me, who have put their trust in him.  Do you mean you can't honestly believe that he might be for real?"

"He needs to cut taxes.   That is the only way to encourage business growth and investment.  Without that, he's doing exactly what Carter and Clinton did by supporting the Community Reinvestment Act.  They were the ones who got people to get mortgages for houses they couldn't afford."

"Are you saying that this is just the continuation of a social theory dreamed up by Jimmy Carter?" asked the keeper of the Shire.

"Actually, it goes back to Roosevelt."

"You know, old friend," lamented the smallest, and the weakest, " I think I finally understand why you became a banker."

"And why is that?"

"Because. . ."   (Dear Reader:  Frodo does not have the courage to use such an old joke himself, please feel free to complete the sentence as you deem appropriate).






Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:18 PM EST
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Sunday, February 22, 2009
Ya Better Take It Easy 'Cause The Place Is On Fire
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Dirty Copter" (4)

There are times when Frodo wonders why anything surprises him any more.  All it takes, so it seems, is for there to be any mention of the State of Texas, and something truly bizarre will be added to the growing list of reasons why secession should have been accepted without prejudice.  Frodo suggests, dear reader, that before you proceed into the next paragraph, pour a little bourbon into a glass, over ice, and steel yourself for what is to follow. 

Texas State Representative Sid Miller, of Fort Worth, has proposed that ordinary Texans, with rifles and shotguns, be allowed to shoot pigs from helicopters.

Do you think that, even Frodo, could make this stuff up?

The issue seems to be that "numerous calls and complaints" have come into the office of our dedicated public servant.  An estimated 2 million wild hogs are causing $52M in crop damage annually in Texas.  They trample crops, dig up plants with their snouts, and steal animal feed.  According to Rep. Miller, even an entire peanut farm has been stripped.  This latter event offers a potential solution to the salmonella problem resulting in a massive national peanut butter recall; simply let the hogs die from their consumption of tainted peanuts.

Since wild hogs were first introduced to Texas by Spanish explorers more than 300 years ago, Frodo wonders why this has just recently become an issue.  Do you think, dear reader, that maybe it took that long for Texans to recognize that they had a problem?  As Frodo has testified before, the landscape of Texas is as forlorn as any on our small blue planet.  There are more trees in Brooklyn than there are in the entire State of Texas.  Maybe nobody noticed that the wild hogs were causing any damage out of the ordinary.  Additionally, it should be noted that there are many, many Texans who bear a family resemblance to the wild hogs.  Could it be that many of the pests were simply mistaken for residents of Waco?

Frodo nearly wet his pants when Rep. Miller declared "You're not going to have some bubba up there going 'Pass me a beer and ammo' and huntin' some hogs.  We want to do it right."  Frodo's response to Rep. Miller is that if his assertion is correct, then from what State are the hunters going to come?  It would be impossible to put any living Texan into a helicopter in such a situation without having launched a 'bubba' into our airspace. 

This is the only proposal anywhere in the US of A that would allow helicopter hunting of anything other than a predator.  Frodo is quite concerned about the precedent.  Alabama is not too far away from Texas, and Alabamians could be of a mind to take to the air in order to cull the States' population of those with an IQ exceeding their age.  The number of said individuals in Alabama is, as we all recognize, quite small to begin with, but eliminating both of those individuals seems somewhat cruel.  Senators Shelby and Sessions (R-AL) of course, would not be impacted.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:22 PM EST
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Thursday, February 19, 2009
Every Man Has Gotta Have a Party Doll
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "Skull and Bones"(4)

In 1886, 36 Chirachua Apaches surrendered to Gen Nelson A. Miles.  Imprisoned in Fort Sill, Oklahoma, their leader, a man named Geronimo, died of pneumonia in 1909.  Nine years later, while stationed at Fort Sill, a group of Army volunteers from Yale University dug up the grave and took possession of the Skull and some of the bones.  Among the participants was a man named Prescott Bush.

In 2005, a Yale historian discovered a letter written in 1918 by one member of the group, Winter Mead, and sent to another, F. Trubee Davison.  In that letter it was written that the skull of Geronimo, other remains and artifacts were taken from the burial site.  Mead wrote "The skull of the worthy Geronimo the Terrible, exhumed from its tomb at Fort Sill by your club and Knight Hauffer, is now safe inside the T---- together with . . .femurs, bit and saddle horn."

This past Tuesday, on the 100th anniversary of the death of the Apache leader, his descendants filed a lawsuit seeking to have the remains returned for proper burial near his birthplace in southern New Mexico's Gila Wilderness.  The lawsuit named President Barack Obama, Defense Secretary Robert Gates, and Army Secretary Peter Green as defendants, along with Yale University and "Skull and Bones".  The latter defendant is, of course, the secret society chartered by the University, whose membership, restricted to 15 Yale Senior Class enrollees annually, is a marker for the most elite.  Members swear an oath of secrecy, and it is this organization which is not only alleged to have committed this sacreligious travesty, but to have hidden the crime from authorities ever since.

Members of "Skull and Bones" include FORMER Presidents George H.W. Bush and George W. Bush, and current United States Senator John Kerry (D-MA). 

Frodo has done some really dumb things in his time, not all of which took place while he was in college, although that was the period during which most truly stupid acts did occur.  Frodo has however, never robbed a grave, nor has he withheld information about a grave robbing.  It is incomprehensible to Frodo that anyone, much less two FORMER Presidents and a sitting United States Senator have remained mute, for any reason, about the remains of another human being illegally, and irresponsibly, removed from their burial site.

What a commentary, thinks Frodo, that Prescott Bush would have participated in the grave robbery, and that both his son and his grandson would particpate in the cover-up.  In Frodo's mind, should the lawsuit find for the plaintiffs, it would be a fitting judgment for the Court to order the exhumation of the remains of Prescott Bush, and the placement of the "skull and bones" on public display aside the sewage plant at Yale University. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:52 PM EST
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