Mood:  not sure

Recently, Frodo spent some time with a friend and business associate, originally from Taiwan, whose family long ago made a new home near the Shire.  Frodo has learned a great deal from his friend about parts of Middle Earth where he has never been.  The cultural aspects are even more fascinating, thinks he, than the geopolitical.  This time they discussed language, and how Chinese has replaced so many "Romance" languages from the curricula in the local schools about the Shire.

There are a limited number of characters in what we would call Chinese, but there are also tonal differences which change meanings significantly.  For example, should you, dear reader, say something like "Wang" in a near-falsetto voice, it may be translated as the word "tree."  Say the exact same word basso profundo and it may mean "monkey dung."  Something in-between could be a reference to the genitalia of the speaker, or not.  In any event, to be aware of the "sing-songey" importance of the spoken word almost makes it seem artful to the illiterate listener, aka Frodo.

It is a very old joke to say that Chinese is not really so difficult, simply because there are tens of millions of children who speak it fluently.  Frodo thought about this as he listened to a talking head describe the evening news on his black-and-white this evening.  The monotonal diatribe centered on the individual, sentenced to three years in an Iraqi jail, who tossed his shoes at the Incomparable Moron when last he visited his personal nation-state.  His relatives evidently indicated that the miscreant did not retreat from his dislike for the now FORMER PRESIDENT (Frodo loves constructing those two words).  In fact, they alleged, and this dear reader is the crux of our commentary, that the offender actually wished to "xxxx" on the target of his pedestrian ensemble assault.

Frodo glanced up at the screen, and queried Sam as to the missing word.

"Did he say 'spit'?"  Ed. Note, it might also have been "sit."

Sam feigned ignorance, but did indicate that had the word been in Chinese, and the tonality was anywhere close to the deep-voiced presentation which Sam heard, then Ole George would've needed several handkerchiefs.

Frodo has a new appreciation for the Chinese language, and he has learned to be prepared to duck whenever he hears it spoken in a deep voice.  Secretary of State Clinton need also be advised. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:32 PM EDT

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Mood:  happy

Frodo's father was one of five siblings.  They are all gone now, and Frodo has a million questions unanswered.  He will never make that mistake again.  Three of the five suffered from ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease), including Frodo's father, and that anomaly will be summarized in the words that follow.  Apologies are offered to those who this evening expected humor, or will read something about which they were already aware.

The youngest brother was struck first, and strangely enough, the symptoms commenced in his throat.  Generally, the disease first appears in the limbs and works its way in, eventually strangling the victim.  About half-way through the total dimunition of his ability to communicate, his brother, Frodo's father, was struck in exactly the same fashion.

There is no way to adequately express what it was like to watch the two of them, eating ice cream, and watching their beloved Atlanta Braves on TV.  When one tried to speak, it was usually to ask "What's wrong with Murphy (Dale, they both loved the guy)?"  For the most part, they sat in silence, knowing that it was growing impossible for anyone to understand what they were trying to say.

When his brother died, Frodo's father was too weak to travel to the funeral, so Frodo did not have to be asked.  Frodo was there.  In a few short days all learned that the youngest sister had now been diagnosed with ALS, but it was of a more traditional nature and commenced in the limbs.  Soon, both his aunt and his father were no more.

Neither the oldest brother nor the oldest sister ever developed any signs of ALS.  The brother probably drank himself to death, and the sister lived well into her 90's, with Alzheimer's for the last decade or so.  Every living member of the family submitted a blood sample to a study being conducted at the Massachusetts General Hospital, and brain tissue of the victimized was included.  The published result found that 18 families of European descent had a "genetic predisposition" to ALS, and that probably accounted for about 10% of all such cases.

It goes without saying that research utilizing embryonic stem cells is a potentially crucial tool to uncovering the genetic secrets and the exceptions that plague those like Frodo's forebears.  Frodo is personally grateful to those who realize that it is within the power of Man and Hobbit to ease suffering.  The fact that any would deny such an effort is something for which Frodo has neither patience nor understanding.  He concludes this evening with gratitude to the President, and a reminder to all that it was Mohandas K. Gandhi, who said that changing the world should yield life as one chooses to live it.

Frodo and his father did not agree on many things, and it is likely that the election of Barack Obama would have been another disputed moment; until tonight, that is.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:05 PM EDT

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Mood:  hungry

Frodo has written before about his fond memories of a motorcar, a radio, and the dark of night on a stretch of lightly-travelled interstate highway.  When lights do beckon to an exit, it is often a guidepost to the Waffle House.  Created by two Georgia Tech students, both whom incidentally are still alive and in their 80's, the greasy pleasantness of the waitresses, and the short-order cook, are a diversion for the loneliest of nights.  The conversations are brief, but pleasant, and the fellow customers are as much fun as Saturday Night in Times Square.  Where people such as these gather, interesting events are sure to happen, and these that follow were first chronicled by Sharon Gaus and Phil Kloer of the ATLANTA JOURNAL AND CONSTITUTION.

In March of 1999, a waitress at a Waffle House in Montgomery received a lottery ticket as a tip, and the result was a $10M first prize.  Four co-workers sued.

April of 2003 gave us the funeral services of a frequent customer at the Waffle House near Gainesville.  Attended by more than 40 fellow customers and emoloyees, past and present, the funerary urn sat atop the hood of a 1958 Oldsmobile.

It was in March of 2007 when police arrived at the Waffle House just outside Richmond,  in order to break up a fight between two women.  Using this as an opportunity, four drunken male customers skipped out without paying.  Since their combined check was more than $100, police pursued at speeds reaching 110 mph (Frodo has computed that the entire menu price list is less than $100).

Without further explanation, in April of that same year, an Atlanta man barricaded himself in the mens room at the Waffle House just off Northside Drive in Atlanta.  When police broke down the door, the customer was naked and attacked the officers with a toilet paper dispenser.  He was maced and subdued.

On a lighter note, Bubba Mathis and Pam Christian, two Waffle House employees in Dacula, got married in the parking lot.  The wedding party then gathered inside for cake and coffee.

Topping it all however, this past October, "Kid Rock" got into a "disagreement" with a Waffle House customer when his tour bus stopped at a Buford Highway location.  Rock pleaded "no contest" to battery, and earned more than $12,000 for charity by signing autographs in the parking lot. 

Samwise, travelling with Frodo, once took hold of the door handle outside a Waffle House on a long-forgotten byway, and held on for dear life when the handle came free from its mooring.  Given that the employees inside were all quite busy, the quandary would have been best resolved if Sam had merely followed Frodo's advice, and let him keep it, as a souvenir.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:25 AM EST

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Mood:  hug me

Morris Frank was a 20-year-old student at Vanderbilt University who was very unhappy about his dependency on others.  After learning of an American named Dorothy Eustis, living in the Swiss town of Vevey, who had written an article about dogs being trained to assist humans with disabilities, he decided to have a "look" for himself.  Here he was introduced to Buddy.

After a very extensive joint training program, Eustis provided the financial backing for Morris to return to America in order to spread the word about Seeing Eye dogs.  Reporters who greeted Frank and Buddy in New York Harbor were immediately dumbfounded by the way "she moved forward into the ear-splitting clangor, stopped, backed up, and started again."  Frank himself later wrote in his book "First Lady of the Seeing Eye" that "I lost all sense of direction and surrendered myself entirely to the dog.  I shall never forget the next three minutes. . .ten-ton trucks rocketing past, cabs blowing their horns in our ears, drivers shouting at us. . .When we finally got to the other side and I realized what a really magnificent job she had done, I leaned over and gave Buddy a great big hug abd told her what a good, good girl she was."

As time passed, what seemed to amaze people the most was that Buddy had an ability called "intelligent disobedience."  She would obey Frank without question, except when the execution of a command would result in harm to Frank.  Her new friend found that what he enjoyed most were the conversations in which he could now participate because people initiated discussions with him about the dog, when, in earlier times, people would be hesitant to speak at all.  After two years in Frank's hometown of Nashville, where they had founded "The Seeing Eye" as a training center for guide dogs and their new acquaintances, Eustis and Frank moved to Morristown, New Jersey, since the German Shepherds found the Tennessee climate too hot for training all-year round.

There were no laws in America at the time to allow the presence of Seeing Eye dogs in restaurants, hotels, trains.  Frank startled many of those who attempted to stop Buddy from entry by simply insisting that "I'm not bringing her in; she's bringing me in."  A railroad porter once attempted to remove Buddy from a sleeping car after allowing her to guide Frank to his berth.  The exhibit of her "beautiful teeth" was a great equalizer in the struggle for Seeing Eye dog liberty.

Buddy arrived in Nashville in 1927, and, as all things must, ended her association with Frank in Morristown in 1938.  The obituary, printed at length in the NEW YORK TIMES stated "Buddy had appeared on hundreds of lecture platforms and barked in response to applause; she had been received by Presidents Coolidge and Hoover and other notables; and she had been led into the homes of poor among the blind and given them hope while they patted her and fingered her harness."

Today, dear reader, you can learn at www.seeingeye.org that 14,000 dogs have been trained, beginning with Buddy.  You can go downtown in Morristown and "see" what is probably the only statue in the entire world of a blind man and his dog.

Good, good girl.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:36 PM EST

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Mood:  spacey

Mick, the Wonder Dog, is feigning exhaustion.  Despite the fact that each of his days is more than a week in people time, Frodo questions the lack of enthusiasm in his furry friend as compared to last evening.  Frodo notes that Mick, the Wonder Dog, was present when the TV announcer filled the digital divide with his rendition of the escaped convict out there, somewhere, in the darkness, not far from the Shire.

It seems that a gentleman, charged with larceny in his home State of Tennessee, was being transported back to that jurisdiction when the Deputy, not named Sullenger, piloted to a point that converged his appetite and the presence of a Waffle House.  The prisoner wore shackles and handcuffs while remaining in the smokeymobile.  Although no one has stated so to this point, it was assumed that the Deputy would bring the prisoner a waffle or a bowl of grits.  In any event, when the Deputy not named Sullenger returned to his duties, he was somewhat surprised to find that the prisoner was no longer in attendance.

The presence of a State University across the street from the Waffle House presented the first challenge for assisting authorities.  A lockdown of the State University was immediately announced, and armed guards were posted at every street corner between the Waffle House and Coca-Cola Headquarters.  Following that announcement, the news helicopters took flight.  It was probably somewhere about this time that Mick, the Wonder Dog, first looked skyward, with concern.

Frodo and Sam marveled at the precision by which the authorities began to search each and every automobile, forcing drivers to open trunks and to correspond to the photographs pasted on their drivers licenses.  The aerial coverage was filled with banners proclaiming "Breaking News."  Surely, thought Frodo, "Jack the Ripper" was somewhere in the vicinity for all of the attention given to some guy from Tennessee charged with such a serious offense.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, sought shelter in an upstairs bedroom, in the dark, under a bed.

The talking head representing Channel 46 finally got around to telling the frightened community that the escapee was not considered "armed and dangerous."  In fact, his last name was "Gay," and his picture seemed to resemble anyone who had ever attended a NASCAR event and taken a leak under the stands.  His crime had been the stealing of a bus owned by Crystal Gayle.

Mr. Gay, it seems, according to his deposition, wanted to surprise his mother with a special present for her birthday, and since she was a big fan of Crystal Gayle, it only seemed logical that her bus would be a welcome addition to the space beside his Mama's double-wide.  For some unexplained reason however, Mr. Gay drove the bus all the way down to Florida.  Once there, he drove up to the Daytona Speedway and announced that he was the chauffeur hired to drive Tony Stewart (evidently this is a person of some reknown in NASCAR circling exhibitions) to his next race.  It is not clear at this moment what tipped off Mr. Stewart that something didn't seem quite right, but it is likely that Mr. Stewart was also to be a part of Mr. Gay's Mama's birthday surprise.  It was at this point that authorities stepped in, and which, of course, led to the assigned responsibility of the Deputy not named Sullenger.

A full day has passed, and there has been no further sign of Mr. Gay.  Things have returned back to normal at the Waffle House, and the State University remains on high alert.  That, dear reader, is a pun.

Mick, the Wonder Dog, passes through the dog-door and peers deep into the darkness.  He lifts his leg on Frodo's lawnmower and his gaze is unbroken from the slightest movement in the Gardens of the Shire.  Amazing, thinks Frodo, that his friend sensed so quickly that he, too, could be on his way to Mama's for birthday cake and cookies.  Frodo locks the door behind, considering that both Mr. Gay and his Mama were likely supporters of McCain and Palin.

Shudder.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:14 PM EST

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Mood:  lazy

Frodo loves to draw parallels.  Justifying a particular course of action, or preventing it, is an end game in and of itself.  For example, Frodo always listens intently to those who advocate a "Fair Tax," or that dimwitted idea fostered by nondescript Congressman John Linder (R-GA) and the egocentric misanthrope Neal Boortz.  Frodo follows up the presentation with a simple request, "Sir, can you give us an example of where, or when, this system was successfully implemented?"  The idea that a whole new system of taxation, untested throughout human history, would be put into place to replace that of the largest economy on Earth, at a far lower cost than any system in any location at any time, is ludicrous, at best.

Much of the debate regarding the Obama Economic Stimuli emanates from those who argue that the result will be a "socialist" system, and that the sacred "capitalist" method of economic growth will be supplanted by those not willing to work and achieve.  Frodo is always amused when he hears that "government" needs to be run more like a "business."  Frodo is one of the few who has managed in both worlds, and knows that nothing is further from the desirability factor.  Every decision in "business" is geared to the reduction of cost, or the increase in revenue.  Even goodwill is a factor in bringing customers into the fold when the objective is always "to make a profit."  In government however, there is policy, and there are behaviors which are guided without regard to cost.

Government wishes to reduce pollution in the environment.  It is impossible to quantify what pollution costs.  Government has only the option to throw as much money as it can at a problem, like pollution, hoping that nobody tries to count all that money, and then to measure pollution "standards."  Government does good if pollution is reduced, and cost is not the issue.

The point of this discussion is that, sometimes, if not usually, government does tend to wander somewhat philosophically afield when trying to achieve an immeasurable goal, like reducing pollution.  In Germany, an exhuberant member of the BUNDESTAG has noted that lots and lots of citizens have dogs, and that fewer and fewer of the dogowners seem to be "picking up" after their canine companions.  In order to reduce the pollution in the national parks and byways, he has suggested that DNA samples be taken from every pet in Germany.

This suggestion is not without merit.  By taking a sample of every pile of dog poop surreptitiously disposed, then matching it against the computerized DNA Doggy register, the culprit can be identified and justice can be meted out properly.

Frodo rapidly computed a cost factor of about 2,000,000,000 Euros to such an endeavor (which is roughly equivalent to President Obama's budget for 2010).  At least, spending the money on a DNA Doggy register would prove to be "shovel ready."  Note also that if the Germans are successful they will have stimulated their economy and eradicated the current supply of dog poop in the Fatherland.

There will still be lots of poop in America.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:43 PM EST

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Mood:  cheeky

The South Carolina Highway Patrol is probably one of the most disliked organizations on our small blue planet.  Frodo believes that everyone knows at least one other person who has attempted transit through the first State to secede, and found themselves charged with a traffic offense for excessive speed.  It is, in Frodo's mind, not possible to go fast enough to get through South Carolina.  That is, of course, unless one plans to visit "Frodo's Pizza" in Anderson (ask for Gandolf).

Frodo was bemused by the recent arrest of an off-duty State Patrol Officer in South Carolina, stopped on suspicion of DUI.  When asked to step out of his motorcar, the apparently male suspect was wearing a blonde wig, a bra, red panties (with black lace), and spiked heels.  Perhaps a pseudonym was used, perhaps not, but in any event the surname given by the suspect was Hoover.  Given the fact, as described some years ago, that Frodo was privileged to attend the funeral of he known as J. Edgar, it is, for the sake of argument, probably only a distant relative.  Frodo is not sure if the suspect bore the name Clyde.

Hoping against hope that Trooper Hoover, a Goober, who had arrested many a Mover, often perhaps driving a Cougar, Frodo saw the scales of justice properly adjusted.  Civil Judge Uecker, brandishing a Luger, splattered him with a Booger that landed on his face just like a shining Louvre. 

You were expecting maybe, poetry?  From a Blogger? 

Happy Unbirthday!

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:07 PM EST

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Mood:  d'oh

Last evening, Kris Kristofferson appeared with Steven Colbert.  Kristofferson has always been an enigma to Frodo, not only because he is a Harvard-educated Rhodes Scholar in an environment where most of his peers are barely literate (and believe me, dear reader, Frodo knows), but because he has wasted so much of his talent on addictions.  Watching him last night, hoping Colbert might ask him to sing "Me and Bobby McGee," or "Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down," Frodo was struck by how much older, and more feeble, this very talented man has become.  Apparently, lifestyle catches up with all, eventually.

When, jokingly, asked about wading into the surf, nude, again, with Barbara Streisand, even Kristofferson had to acknowledge that "old men" bear little charm beyond sadness at what once was.  Colbert maintained that his "old man" image had its own attractiveness.  He concluded with two verses, accompanied on his own guitar, of "Help Me Make it Through the Night," and Frodo was sated.

Frodo was recently asked to compile a list of his favorite cinema productions, and he found reason to politely beg off.  Frodo has always admired the producer, more than the product.  Frodo will listen to anything written by Lionel Ritchie, or Willie Nelson, John Lennon, or Fats Domino.  Kristofferson is among those who wend words that Frodo recites in symphonic memory.

After tonight the number changes, hence the topic.  By chance it seems, Frodo's total presentations will then be a combination of very lucky numbers.  Given our present distress, and our "head so full of dreams" (for those who have never seen "The Elephant Man" on stage), it is appropriate that we march forward with a prayer for hope and good luck.  Like an old man with a song on his lips, Frodo thinks about the early morning light.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:15 PM EST

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Mood:  special

If, for whatever reason, someone were to distinguish the differences between Frodo and Sauron, the single most emotional point would involve respect.  Had Frodo been President of the United States, presiding over a War which he had initiated, rightly or wrongly, either he, or Sam, would have met the planes at Dover, each and every one.  For one who makes such decisions, the terrible cost must be imprinted, time and again, into the psyche, so that the cost of War never lessens.  The sacrifice is so immense that every decision needs to be weighed to fully consider the cost to be, as well that which has already taken place.  There is no compromise in Frodo's heart toward one, given responsibility, who failed to comprehend what is expected of those who lead.

It is a wise decision to respect the desires of a family as to the method by which they accept expressions of grief, solace, respect.  It is the same consideration offered for the funeral service at Arlington.  Although, for the past 20 years, families were denied this level of respect at Dover, it was their group decision to invite guests, including the media, to the funeral services.  It is only right, in Frodo's mind, that the family be offered the same level of respect when the loved one first returns, home.

The decision to not broadcast the deeply formal and respectful ceremony at Dover was made by George H. W. Bush.  His son, Sauron, failed to greet a single soldier home, at Dover.  The 43rd President of the United States never attended a single military funeral during his entire term of office. 

"Respect" is the word Frodo used above.  Perhaps "cowardice" deserves equal consideration.  Thus, dear reader, is the difference drawn.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:53 PM EST

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Mood:  lyrical

Frodo has been making a concerted effort not to scorn those who swallow the grape juice.  Taking his cue from President Obama, Frodo has sincerely convened a process of listen-consider-debate in order to help mentally-challenged individuals accept the fact that, as of today, the Republican Party is little more than a heated slice of bread.  What he has found however, is that many refuse to accept the fact that they fly in the face of reason and public opinion.  In fact, Frodo was recently exposed to the current supposition which as some in the minority allege, is little more than Obama's plot to permanently implement the "liberal agenda."

Frodo pressed his fingertips to resemble the steeple at Winchester Catheral as he considered the words of his friend,  "That Obama has certainly hosed us, hasn't he?"

"In what way, dear friend and gentle heart?" queried the respectful Frodo.

"He's blown this financial crisis out of all proportion, and he's done so for the solitary purpose of getting the American public to accept all of the 'Democrat' pork-barrel projects."

"Pardon?" responded the quizzical Hobbit.

"You know what I mean," he said, "that Socialist has scared everyone into believing that if they don't give him 'carte blanche' with trillions of dollars, without even reading the 'Stimulus' legislation, we'll all be out of jobs and/or flat broke before noon tomorrow."

"Wait a minute," responded he of the Brotherhood of the Ring, "are you saying that the President is using this 'crisis' as a way to force implementation of his political opinions and goals?"

"Well, duh, can't you see it?"

"Well, out of fairness if nothing else," said the startled friend of Samwise, "I was giving the new President a little leeway in his apparent sincerity to seek a bipartisan approach to a huge problem.  Honestly, I thought that what he's done was to fight a recession the best way he knows how, and to involve as many people as possible in the process." 

"Oh come on Frodo, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid wrote that whole damn Stimulus Bill in one night, and they put in everything from the kitchen sink to statehood for the District of Columbia."

"Now you're being just a little bit silly," smiled the flushed scaler of Mount Doom.  "Can't you believe that there might actually be one man who is determined to eliminate the enmity, and who is doing his absolute best for the country, and that he truly doesn't care who gets the credit?"

"Frodo, Frodo, Frodo, how can you be so naive?"

"I'm not being naive," retorted he who struggled against Gollum, "it may indeed by a 'leap of faith' on my part, but I truly believe in this good man.  I am a damn good judge of character, and I believe this is a guy who loves his kids, his family, his country, and who sees his role in history, and realizes how much he represents to those, like me, who have put their trust in him.  Do you mean you can't honestly believe that he might be for real?"

"He needs to cut taxes.   That is the only way to encourage business growth and investment.  Without that, he's doing exactly what Carter and Clinton did by supporting the Community Reinvestment Act.  They were the ones who got people to get mortgages for houses they couldn't afford."

"Are you saying that this is just the continuation of a social theory dreamed up by Jimmy Carter?" asked the keeper of the Shire.

"Actually, it goes back to Roosevelt."

"You know, old friend," lamented the smallest, and the weakest, " I think I finally understand why you became a banker."

"And why is that?"

"Because. . ."   (Dear Reader:  Frodo does not have the courage to use such an old joke himself, please feel free to complete the sentence as you deem appropriate).

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:18 PM EST

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