Mood:  crushed out

"Ladies and gentleman of the press, my name is Sergeant Frodo, and after a brief statement regarding the events of the last several days, I will respond to your questions.  As you all know by now, Tiger Woods crashed his SUV through the fence surrounding the White House during the State Dinner offered in behalf of Prime Minister Manmohan Singh of India.  Among the first to respond to the accident scene were a Mr. and Mrs. Tareq Salahi who were apparently uninvited guests who had been playing a round of golf with Mrs. Elin Woods on the East Lawn of the White House.  Mrs. Woods assisted in the rescue effort by smashing the windows of the SUV with her nine-iron in order to allow her husband access from the crash vehicle.  Mr. Woods was removed from the accident scene by three uniformed Secret Service Officers, and the White House Social Secretary, Ms. Desiree Rogers, and transported to his private offices in Dubai."

"Subsequently, the House Homeland Security Committee has initiated an investigation into the events of that evening.  Subpoenas were issued to each of the parties identified above and to the Director of the United States Secret Service, all of whom were scheduled to appear this morning at 10:00 AM.  Unfortunately, with the exception of Barrister Gloria Allred, who seemed to be representing everybody, none of those to whom subpoenas had been issued chose to attend."

"The Director of the Secret Service has announced that three uniformed Secret Service Officers have been assigned to administrative leave.  White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs has announced that Ms. Rogers will not be allowed to testify before Congress, citing the Constitutional guarantees of Executive Privilege.  Mr. Woods has produced a CD, available for $11.99 at www.tigertales.com in which he describes his duets with four disparate performers.  The Salahis are in discussions with the ghostwriter of the best-selling book currently shilled nationwide by the former Governor of Alaska, Gidget von Braun."

"That concludes my statement, and I will now entertain your questions."

"Yes, Chuck." 

"Sergeant Frodo, is there any indication that the Salahis, the Woods, Ms. Rogers, or any of the parties involved were acquainted?  In addition, is there anything you can tell us about any threat to the President or anyone else at the State Dinner?"

"Yes and No."

"Jim Cramer, CNBC, you have a question?"

"Sergeant Frodo, the former CEO of ING has intimated that the SEC and the FBI were issuing an MOU to Wall Street Banks and AIG that Mr. Woods had invested more than $100 Million in speculative real estate in Dubai and that since his business partners were seeking to re-structure their IOU, that he was distraught over the potential loss?  Any truth to that?"

"I'll have to get clearance from the Presidents to respond to that."

"Pardon?  You said President(s)?"

"Yes, both the past and current Presidents of the Federal Reserve Bank, Messrs. Greenspan and Bernanke."

"Andrea, I assume you have a question?"

"Yes Sergeant Frodo, can you update us on the status of the President's efforts to secure additional troops for deployment to Afghanistan from NATO allies, and on any progress in his efforts to persuade Members of Congress regarding Healthcare Reform?"

"Ms. Mitchell, you should know better.  The President is preparing for a trip tomorrow to Allentown, Pennsylvania, and upon his return will have to take "Bo" to the Capitol Groomer.  He is trying to deal with the issues that most interest the American people first."

"Is that it?"

"Okay, since there are no more relevant questions, that's all for now.  Another briefing will be held as facts warrant."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:51 PM EST

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Mood:  happy

As a general rule, Frodo does not revel in the misery of others.  What follows is an exception to that rule, for in the spirit of Senator John Ensign (R-NV) or Governor Mark Sanford (R-SC), we have another shining example of hypocrisy swathed in an episode of "dickie dunking".  So, sit back dear reader, and enjoy a few moments of consternation in the life of the soon-to-be-former Speaker of the House of Representatives in the Great State of Georgia, Glenn Richardson.

Several weeks ago, the local gendarmerie were summoned to the palatial digs, in Paulding County (which for the geographically challenged, sits adjacent to the Alabama State Line), of House Speaker Glenn Richardson (R), in response to a suicide attempt.  The Speaker was sitting, dazed reportedly, on the edge of his bathtub, pistol in hand, with a plethora of pills strewn all about.  The local media covered the story the next day, reflecting on the "severe depression" experienced by the Speaker, given the recent break-up of his marriage, the death of two of his closest friends in an airplane accident, and the continuing financial problems of the community bank in which he was a major investor.  All of this had caused him to call his Mother, in order to bid her a fond adieu, and to slip the shackles of bondage.  The police, apparently, arrived in the nick of time.

Note the use of the word "apparently."

Three weeks later, the Speaker was alerted to the fact that his estranged wife was holding a press conference on the local CBS affiliate in two hours.  Susan Richardson ended their 17-year marriage in 2008, moved to a neighboring county with two of their three children, and received an unspecified grant of alimony, plus $3,000 per month in child support.  She held a press conference in order to charge that the suicide attempt was merely a call for attention, and that he continued to harangue and accuse her of inattention to their children.  The "coup de grace" came however with her allegation that he conducted an affair with a lobbyist for Atlanta Gas Light Company who, concomitantly, was representing the utility before the State House in order to build a controversial $300M pipeline.  Previous allegations of such activity by the House Ethics Committee had been dismissed.  As a "sidebar," it should be noted that every member of that Ethics Committee had been appointed by the Speaker.

Subsequently, the affair became known to the employer of the lobbyist, and she stated her fear of being fired to the Speaker.  The Speaker was quoted as saying "He will not fire you.  I can and will bring all hell down on them if they do."  The corroboration of this statement, and many others, it seems, are in the e-mail messages emanating from the Speaker's personal computer, which Susan Richardson now has in her possession.  Her comment about the apparently long-standing affair is that most of the e-mails are "very explicit."  

The story goes on and on, with even the local chapter of the Christian Nuts for Republican Mismanagement (aka "Christian Coalition") stating that the House "may need to re-evaluate the qualities they have a right to expect from their leader."  Richardson, for the uninitiated, is but another of the characteristically petty criminals who cloak themselves in the manner of the false prophets.   Elmer Gantry may have been a fictional portrayal by Burt Lancaster, but the model he displayed is as real today as it has been since the days of Reconstruction in the American South. 

Richardson is a bombastic, bullying, iconoclastic, sorry-ass excuse for a man, much less one of the most important political leaders in this part of Middle Earth.  Frodo is, quite obviously, dancing on his political grave, knowing that pyrrhic victories are better than none at all.

Frodo also notes that the Appalachian Trail begins, or ends, in Georgia.   Perhaps it is something in the water?  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:36 PM EST

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Mood:  sharp

When Frodo first visited the Zoo of Atlanta, it was generally regarded as the worst such facility in the developed world.  Frodo would not argue with that assessment, for he well remembers both his sense of shame and his mind-numbing anger.  He has often recalled his first encounter with Willie B, the dean of the gorillas on exhibit at the time, and the fact that he was housed in a smaller space than that currently reserved for Charles Manson.  Frodo is pleased to report that, over the years, the situation improved immensely, and in Willie B's later years he became the star attraction at the magnificent gorilla facility in Atlanta, and even fathered several off-spring prior to his peaceful death, at age 55.

Willie B died from heart disease.  It seems that heart disease is the number one killer of gorillas in captivity, and that made Frodo think about all of the people he knows with heart ailments who might be interested in what the Department of Biomedical Engineering at Georgia Tech has learned from its work with Willie B's compatriots.  Starting with Ozzie, the current primogenitor, the project has been to teach the 22 gorillas to take their own blood pressure readings periodically throughout the day.  Now that Ozzie has begun performing the testing on his own, four more gorillas are currently undergoing training.

In sum, an electronic "cuff" has been placed in the exhibit area, where, under the direct observation of the trainers, once Ozzie places his arm in the cuff, a blood pressure reading is taken, then Ozzie receives a treat.  In this case, Ozzie receives, and seems to prefer, vanilla pudding (sugar-free).  According to the trainers, medication can be administered to any gorilla suffering from high blood pressure, as necessary, once the readings are verified.

Frodo asked if that would include LIPITOR, one of those disgusting products whose advertisements disturb his time before the black-and-white?  Frodo was shocked to find that his flippant query yielded a positive response.  The gorillas could be administered to with LIPITOR, or indeed with many other treatments available to Man or Hobbit.

Frodo thought about Dick Cheney.  Nahh, he'd argue that he couldn't follow in the path of a simian.  Or would he argue that he couldn't follow in that path again? 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:58 PM EST

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Mood:  d'oh

Frodo would have turned Pro if he had ever scored 37 points in a basketball game.  By the same token, a score of 37 on an examination of any kind at the College of the Shire would've meant that he would have had to move to Alaska and run for Governor.  The point being that a number is a relative measurement and its true value is based on the medium.

To be cited for 37 separate violations, as a barrister, would probably get you a good citizenship award and elected to Congress in most southern states.  In Louisiana we all know the story of "The Kingfish," Gov. Huey Long, (D-LA) who, while speaking for re-election in lovely Winnfield, noted that he had been indicted by the United States Government for "stealing" a million dollars.  "A million dollars?  A million dollars?" he asked, rhetorically.  "Hell, I stole two million dollars."  The cheering throng re-elected him by nearly the same margin.

What, pray tell, does it take to make people grab some pitchforks, light a few torches, dip a sleazeball in some tar, and cover him with feathers?  Is it Frodo's fate that he spend the rest of his days futilely hoping that at least one really truly rotten politician get hung from a sour apple tree?  Frodo needs your help, dear reader, and you don't even have to send him any money (although contributions are gratefully accepted).  Let us make sure that Governor Mark Sandford (R-SC), who surely spent more on condoms than he authorized for early childhood development expenditures in the public schools of South Carolina, spend at least eleven years in an all-male prison. 

Why eleven years?  Well, they say, ha ha, that hindsight is 2020, and that should be quite a sight by then.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:18 PM EST

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Mood:  caffeinated

Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) said today that "Every developed nation in the world has a better healthcare system than does the United States of America."  Frodo has known that for quite some time, and he has listened with great amusement to the demagogic rantings of Michelle Bachmann, Sean Hannity, Sarah Palin, and the money-driven falsehoods of former (now lobbyist) US Rep. Tauzin (D-LA) and countless others whose personal net worth is their prime directive.  Now that the issue of reform is legitimately where it belongs on the floors of both the House of Representatives and the Senate, it is appropriate that a few comparative facts be on the record whenever, dear reader, there is an opportunity to separate information from mis-information.

Simply "google" the words "Frontline healthcare" and up comes a link to the Public Broadcasting presentation which, just a few nights ago, did a rudimentary comparative analysis of the systems utilized by other nations in healthcare administration.  Surprisingly, Ms Bachmann and her clan of cave bears might find that now the truth is out there, for all who want to see.  It will be interesting to see how long, or if, the words "best healthcare system in the world" and "United States of America" emanate from the oral cavities of those who have confused the words "oral" and "anal."

Utilizing complete data from 2007, FRONTLINE reported that "Healthcare," as a part of GDP (Gross domestic product) represented 6.3% in Taiwan, 8% in Japan, 8.3% in Great Britain, 10.7% in Germany, and 11.6% in Switzerland.  In the United States of Bachmann, the figure was 15.3%, highest of them all.  More of our national wealth goes into spending for healthcare than in all the others identified.

It is important to note several isolated factors from the FRONTLINE presentation which also come into play.  With the exception of the United States of America, none of the national healthcare systems identified above were the major reason for the filing of a single case of personal bankruptcy.  In the United States of America however, healthcare costs are the largest single contributing factor to the filing of personal bankruptcies than anything else.

Germany's system, which extends back to the time of Otto von Bismarck, is the oldest in comparison, and it centers around the competitive options available from more than 200 private providers.  Great Britain's system is the only one of those compared that required that a "gatekeeper" family physician be an initial point-of-contact, thereby negating the presence of any bureaucrat standing between a patient and the doctor of their choice.  Taiwan's system, enacted in 1995, after a comparative analysis of systems from around the world, specifically rejected the system utilized in the United States of America as "inhumane" in its application to the public served.  

Only in Germany, and only for elective surgical treatment, was there any future scheduling utilized which could be even vaguely construed as "rationing."  In fact, the "complete satisfaction" of the citizenry in the subject comparison with the sevices received was almost universal.  It was noted also, that many foreigners, particularly from the United States of America, have been utilizing the Asian systems (Taiwan, Japan) for their own surgical treatment needs, as opposed to seeking service in the much more expensive United States of America.  The doctors, after all, are mostly all trained in American schools, and, Frodo adds, they had better grades than their US counterparts.

So, given the overwhelming data, and it goes on and on, why haven't we used an international comparison in order to draw up our reformed system?  

Because we are arrogant enough to believe that nobody else can come up with something better, Frodo contends.  That is why the tack has been taken by those who would derail our national best interest for what is arguably their own personal reasons.  It plays to the audience to say that "We are Number One," and to turn up the speakers.  It is also true that in many of the comparative systems, prices are set for medical procedures on a centralized basis, so that a "Gall bladder operation" costs the same no matter who performs the service.  That means the "competitor" who charges twice as much as another does not exist (and that sounds like "socialism" to a doctor who just lost a bunch of money in the stock market).  Frodo is disappointed, on the other hand, in the fact that the advocates have not had enough confidence in us to take the argument to the Neanderthals on our own terms.

Imagine what a difference it would be if the United States of America adopted the Taiwanese model, and reduced the percentage of our GDP devoted to healthcare in half?  We could probably pay our doctors more, and keep the brightest graduates here.  It would certainly mean that no American would ever freeze, or starve, in the dark, simply because they couldn't pay for medical treatment.  And our deficit, our Bush-ballooned deficit, would slip twixt the pages of the Book of Job.    

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:53 PM EST

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Mood:  happy

The Men of Gondor are preparing for their annual ringing of the bells on behalf of the Salvation Army.  This year is proving to be one of the most difficult in scheduling elves to participate, and Saint George is suffering immeasurably because of changes in availability.  Frodo was looking forward to working with Abe Wong, Man of Gondor, on December the 5th, but outside forces changed the workday to the following Saturday, at which time Abe will be out of the country.  Frodo, therefore, will take this opportunity to tell you dear reader, while he will miss his ever-smiling fighter against injustice and bad management.

Abe is similar in stature to Gimli.  It is unlikely that he will ever dunk a basketball.  He has however, even spent time going door-to-door selling bibles to people who not only had never heard of Taiwan but who would probably guess that it must lie somewhere in New Jersey.  Hard work and sincere devotion helped him build a business and two daughters, each of which are successful and the source of great pride.  Perhaps that is why he smiles.  He deserves to do so.

His participation as one of the Men of Gondor is particularly valuable to Frodo.  He taught Frodo about the various regions of China, introducing him to the social and religious diversity the nuances of which are virtually unknown in Middle Earth.  Frodo can talk about Han Buddhists and Uighurs.  Frodo may not be able to speak a word of Chinese, Mandarin or otherwise, but he knows that Chinese is spoken on a tonal level, and that the "pitch" of a vowel or consonant can change entirely the meaning of a word or phrase.  Frodo has also learned a great deal about Chinese food.  At one gathering of the Men of Gondor, Frodo and Abe sat and talked about the upcoming Presidential Election.  Abe told Frodo that if Sarah Palin should attain a position of political prominence, then the United States would deserve to fall significantly behind the Chinese.

It was a particularly unsettling day for the Men of Gondor when Abe announced that he and his wife were separating.  Assuring his comrades that he was okay, and that the divorcees remained amiable, it became clear that the marriage had endured for the benefit of the beautiful, and brilliant, offspring.  That moment is the only one that Frodo can recall when Abe failed to smile.

Abe will be in Chinese airspace when Frodo rings the bell this year.  No one is better, with an infectious smile, at winning the attention of toddlers, than is Abe Wong.   Perhaps the similarity in stature plays a part, but the result is that the small fry ring the bell with Abe, and their parents drop money in the kettle.  Everyone leaves happy, and smiling.  Frodo will miss sharing a few hours with Abe, making money for the Salvation Army.

When December 12th comes this year, and if you happen to be in front of a Wal-Mart, drop a few coins in the kettle for the Salvation Army, and tell them to give credit to Abe Wong, Man of Gondor, friend to Frodo.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:42 PM EST

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Mood:  silly

Rare it is that Frodo notes a passing with a good humor.  He believes however, that David Lloyd untied his bonds with surly Earth, and slipped on a banana peel as he exited, stage left.  What follows is the word-for-word obituary printed this day, and repeated here just to make you laugh dear reader, as you contemplate what was rated as the third-best episode of any show in television history.

Ted Baxter is invited to be the grand marshal of a circus parade, but Lou Grant forbids it as undignified.  Ted's replacement is Chuckles the Clown, the host of a children's show on the same television station.  But on the day of the parade, Lou rushes into the newsroom, stunned, and explains that Chuckles, who attended the parade dressed as one of his characters, Peter Peanut, had been crushed to death.  As Lou explains it, "a rogue elephant tried to shell him."  For the remainder of the episode the newsroom denizens deal with the shock of the death by joking about it.  Mary finds this distasteful, but at the funeral, when the priest leading the service lists Chuckles' silly-sounding characters (Mr. Fe Fi Fo was one) and recites his catch phrase, "A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants, " Mary can't keep herself from guffawing.  At the height of her embarrassment, the priest tells her to let it all out, that Chuckles would have approved of her laughter.  At that point Mary bursts into tears.  The hilarity derived from Mary's discomfort and Ms. Moore's rendering of a woman in full squirm, but the power of the episode was Mr. LLoyd's exploration of how people deal with shock over a death, by deflecting it with humor or stifling it with somberness.

It is Saturday evening anon, and in times past Frodo would have just watched this week's episode of the "Mary Tyler Moore Show."  Perhaps he might have just watched a repeat of what is described above.  Interestingly enough, as an aside, Lou Grant's reference to a "rogue" elephant is even more timely today than it was so many years ago.  No matter, it was a great gift of composition left to us all by Mr. David Lloyd; he left us laughing.

You'll have to excuse Frodo dear friends, he just left in order to find a seltzer bottle. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:36 PM EST

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Mood:  hug me

Desmond Vallean is a 5-foot-9, 178-pound running back for McEachern High School in Atlanta, not far from the Shire.  Two weeks ago, he threw a crucial block on a defender in order to spring a teammate loose for a 75-yard touchdown run.  Last week, he himself carried the ball for a 20 yard crucial first down which ensured an undefeated football season for he and his teammates.  These events say a lot about a young man who has had a devastating knee injury in each of the past two seasons.  Frodo stood up and took special notice neither because of these accomplishments nor because of the "dreads" that appear from under his helmet, rather it was what took place when Desmond was only two years old.

It was an early spring morning and Desmond's YMCA day-care teacher was reading a book to the classroom.  Desmond's 4-month-old brother Brandon was in the enclosed nursery in the same building.  His mother, Michelle, was next door in a work-related meeting.  His father, Michael, a sheriff's deputy in the municipal courthouse five blocks down the street, was a first-responder to the explosion at the Oklahoma City Federal Building immediately across the street from the nursery.  He found his son Desmond sprayed with shattered glass, but he was alive, and he carried him to safety.  It would take him 40 more minutes to secure his entire family while he returned to the rubble which encased 168 dead, and 680 other injured victims of Timothy McVeigh and that band of scum.

For the longest time, Frodo had not thought about those kids in that nursery, and the ones in the Federal Building itself.  Their loss and suffering resonated in all hearts and minds, more than fourteen years ago, when Desmond Vallean was only two years old.  How fitting it is, thought Frodo, that such a magnificent young man was created from the refuse of the "twisted logic" that propels religion or ideology to purportedly excuse the actions of monsters.

Frodo's anger grows.  He knows that it is the wrong response, but he can't help but remember the pictures of that fireman carrying a bloodied, broken, lifeless little body.  Frodo's prayer this evening is that there are more like Desmond Vallean, and that good continues to prosper from evil.  It is a daunting task, and it requires somebody who can throw a hell of a block for a teammate, or to garner a first down when the game is on the line.      

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:01 PM EST

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Mood:  a-ok

Today, he took an unscheduled walk through Plot 60 of Arlington National Cemetery.  It was the first time in History that an American President walked through the tombstones in this hallowed ground.  These were the young men and women, at his feet, who rest from their service in Iraq or Afghanistan.  Surely, thought Frodo, he must be thinking of his earlier words, his promise, on this his first Veterans Day as the most important man in all the world.

From a distance, the cameras caught him approaching casually dressed young men who stood by a freshly-flowered grave.  When they looked up to see who approached, one immediately saluted and he received a salute in return.  There was a hand placed on a shoulder and words, silently offered and shared.  It is resoundingly flippant to refer to something so sacred as a "Kodak moment," but it is a picture that the Hobbit will retain in his frontal lobe for the days that remain to him.

A few moments ago the reports commenced that the President, not Obama, not even Barack Hussein Obama, but the President, announced that he was rejecting all of the military options submitted to him for action in Afghanistan.  It will be some time before we sift through all of the process so far, or even fully comprehend what this means for the course of action in days to come.

Frodo knows only how he feels, and, tonight, his heart soars like the hawk. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:57 PM EST

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Mood:  down

There is something very ominous in a sunrise which blazes across the horizon, giving life to a poor seaman's poetry.  Frodo knew that Hurricane Ida was entering the Gulf of Mexico as he scanned the headlines of his morning newspaper, and he was well aware of the fact that the Shire has already experienced 200% of its annual total rainfall.  The morrow will dawn without notice, since the circular weather patterns will again bring heavy rainfall to a saturated ecosystem in time for the morning rush hour.

It is enough to try the soul of a Hobbit, but it will pass as merely inconvenience amid other worries.  The advance information is that the President will probably announce, in a very few weeks, the deployment of tens of thousands of American troops to Afghanistan.  It is rumored, and rumors before bad news are generally prophetic, that there will be as many as 100,000 American troops in Afghanistan for many, many months to come.  Frodo is despondent, worried, and wishing that he could see anything which would make him feel otherwise.

The reporting is that all of the President's military advisers have counseled him to the direction which will soon become policy.  Frodo, in all candor, does not give a great deal of credence to military advisers, and America's history since the end of World War II supports Frodo's skepticism.  Soldiers, and Frodo speaks bluntly, are like accountants.  They perform a valuable service, we could not exist without them, but there has never been an accountant who could lead a nation for anything longer than a monthly reporting cycle.  So, too, goes it with soldiers, whose prowess on the battlefield ends when the white flag is raised and the enemy lays down his arms.  There is no place in these times for a MacArthuresque rule of a tribal society or an insurgent populace. 

There are rumblings in the distance and perhaps it is merely thunder, but Frodo fears the Four Horsemen are passing.  What trails behind will not go unnoticed, nor unforgiven.  Mankind again squanders his promise on the scabbard, and Frodo fears that the Ring was merely hidden, not destroyed. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:01 PM EST

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