Mood:  quizzical

Frodo repeats himself only when he forgets that he has already told a tale or three.  That is, until now. 

The Men of Gondor spent a luncheon with a whole gaggle of West Point graduates.  The guest speaker was the man who is now the last remaining survivor of the flight of the Enola Gay; he who served as Navigator.  The tale that was told that day contained intrigue, history, comedy, and it left Frodo in awe.  He stood in silence afterwards, listening to the comments of those who approached the Navigator.  One Marine, now a bit less formidable than he was in 1945, told of his days on Okinawa, awaiting the orders to land on the Japanese mainland, and how grateful he was for the gift of life he had been given by those who ended the War before that fateful day arrived.  One, from the men of Gondor, asked about the horror that happened upon a basically civilian population, and if it was a memory that haunted the crew thereafter.  The responses were heartfelt, and honest.

Frodo never knew that the mission was potentially a suicide-run.  The amount of time available to the Enola Gay was considered not sufficient to allow the ship to out-run the enormity of the explosion.  It was truly hair-raising to listen as the Navigator spoke about the passage of time, and the uncanny skill of a pilot with only moments to spare.

Frodo has thought many times about that meeting, and he listens with an open-mind to those who have deep opinions, and great pain to share, about the events that took place and led to that day, 65 years ago.  Frodo believes that he was in the presence of the Man who has, indeed, come closest to the hand of God.  Despite the rantings of those who feel a calling to clarify what God said, it was this one Man who truly witnessed "the terrible swift sword," the ending, if you will, as opposed to the beginning. 

He works in his garden, in the town of Stone Mountain, Georgia.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:30 PM EDT

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Mood:  down

Personal and professional adversity often drive the Hobbit to Rudyard Kipling.  Considering the solace offered by his counsel, Frodo wonders how Al Gore and John Kerry handle losing to, him.  Surely the tumult and the turpidity of those subsequent years weigh heavily as guilt for not winning.  Of course, John McCain may have similar feelings, and that inspires the following as purported historical events herein prognosticated had he, indeed, been elected President.

Sarah Palin would have been impeached within two years based on her indictment for accepting illegal campaign contributions and gifts of fine clothing from top designers, most notably Sam Walton.

Joe Lieberman would have become Vice President.

Barack Obama would sign a contract with the Miami Heat.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average on the final day of McCain's first term would achieve the yearly zenith of 134.68, up 7.44 for the day.

The planet Earth would suffer a schism upon the detonation of a nuclear device on the floor of the Gulf of Mexico.

Hillary Clinton would spend more than 47 months residing in the States of Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina.

Hamid Karzai would enter into an alliance with a Mexican Drug Cartel.

The cumulative assets of the former General Motors, Ford, and Chrysler organizations would be sold to the newly-pardoned investment firm run by Bernie Madoff.  The check would bounce.

The Departments of Education, Health & Human Services, Commerce, Transportation, Interior, and Labor would be combined into a single Cabinet-level (the acronym being ECHLIT) organization, employing 18 people and housed in their new headquarters in Blackwater Falls, Minnesota.

"Let's see," said Frodo, "how does it go?  Oh yes, . . .you keep your head, when those about you are losing theirs. . ." 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:17 PM EDT

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Mood:  quizzical

On this, the last day of the seventh month beyond the commencement of the second decade of the twenty-first century, and the day on which Chelsea Clinton says "Bye Daddy," Frodo found himself in an evocative mood.  Over his morning coffee, he scanned the print edition of the news of the day, and discovered a happening he would not otherwise have imagined.  It seems that a Mr. John L. Carson of Atlanta passed away, and since his obituary highlighted his involvement in the founding of the Georgia Music Hall of Fame, Frodo decided to learn a little something about the man.  What follows is a direct quote from the obituary:  "In addition to his son, Carson is survived by a daughter, Cindy Donegan, a number of grandchildren, and his widow, to whom he was married for 57 years, and who asked not to be named. . ."

Pardon?

Frodo decided to pay even closer attention to the article.

The burial it seems, is private.

His son, John Junior, is quoted as saying "I will always remember how as young children he took the role of 'Mr. Mom' while our mother worked at night." 

Aha.  So, maybe the unidentified widow of a 57-year marriage was a little peeved that she worked all night while Dad was strumming his 12-string?

Frodo also learned that the departed had raised more than $2 Million in order to fund the "Special Children's Christmas Fund" and "Children with AIDS" during his tenure as founder of the Atlanta Country Music Academy in order to further provide free music classes for aspiring singers (it should be noted that none of the successful graduates of the Academy were identified in the obituary).

Frodo concludes that some people, God bless 'em, are probably more interesting in death than they were in life.

Are you listening, Mr. Cheney? 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:54 PM EDT

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Mood:  d'oh

The question becomes, would you want a 22-year-old from Oklahoma making life-and-death decisions that may impact on you and yours?  If Frodo were to stray from a serious topic, he would say that anybody dumb enough to live in the tornado capital of the entire fricking universe is not capable of either sound judgment or sane conduct.  Evidence to support such a conclusion is now public knowledge, thanks largely to someone who took the law into his own hands.

Frodo remembers the Berrigan Brothers and Daniel Elsberg with fondness for courage, and Frodo is grateful for the lives that they undoubtedly helped to save, on both sides of a terrible war.  What they did, that differs from the action taken by computer-savvy, self-appointed, vagabonds of justice, was to make public the intentional effort to deceive.  For an individual to make actual military engagement available for public scrutiny, while the activity between combatants continues, does portend a threat to the safety of American and Coalition forces.

That, dear reader, could be the kid who used to deliver your newspaper.  Or the young guy (or gal) who felt his country's call to help protect her from the insanity of the 9-11 murders.  It is not right, in a nation of 300 million people, for one to act in the fervor of conscience or righteous indignation, without taking full responsibility for the consequences of such independent action.  That is why we have elections.  That is why we have ascended to the pinnacle of civilization, despite the madness of our partisan feelings toward one another.

This young man is no different than the young Californian who joined al-Qaeda, and took up arms against his fellow citizens.  Frodo is confident that he does not act imprudently when he supports a call for swift justice and an interminable sentence under the law which binds us all. 

Now, Mr. President, your most devoted of supporters asks that you again consider both the costs and the objectives of what has become an illustrated lesson in both how one nation is built, and how another is threatened beyond repair.  It is time.  Time to come home.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:37 PM EDT

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Mood:  loud

Frodo made a suggestion to another member of the Fellowship the other day, and was promptly notified that his ideas are just that, his.  Frankly, Frodo had been hoping to entice a dialogue about the changing faces, and figures, of politics in America.  What better way to start than to get feminine input to commence the construction of verbs, nouns, and adjectives that will surely flow toward the male of any species who attempts to explain why women are responsible for the pending collapse of the American form of government?

Frodo also notes that it is hot outside, and that his exhausting week at Mount Doom is far from over.  That, dear reader, is his defense for not taking the time to document his findings, and thereby explain away the assault on his facts which is sure to follow.

100 years ago there weren't any women in politics.  Most women, it seems, were clad in garb resembling the tents today worn by those who fly in-and-out of Heathrow daily from Saudi Arabia in order to shop at Harrod's.  Frodo vaguely recalls that the first woman elected to the United States Senate, for example, was the widow of the incumbent from Arkansas who had the temerity to die in office without leaving a planned succession.  She, whose name escapes Frodo, as does nearly everything else he ever recalls about Arkansas, became the first of the "weaker" sex to win a direct election into that formerly august body.

When Frodo was much smaller, he recalls the name Margaret Chase Smith, from Maine, who was a Republican, but who, amazingly, seemed to have both a functioning mind and a beating heart (Frodo remembers a single long-stemmed rose lying across the Senate desk once used by John Fitzgerald Kennedy that awful day in November, long ago).  Today, to get  to the point after that little soiree back in time, there are two women, both directly elected to the Senate, who represent the State of Maine.  It is, almost, as if someone has discovered a way to clone the genetic code and produce politicians without any representation of sexual contact whatsoever.

A brief century has passed and now there are two, or is it three yet, female members of the Supreme Court.  The Speaker of the House for the first time is a female (although Frodo must confess that he has assigned an occasional reference to Newt Gingrich as a potential for exclusion from the military because of the existence of 'don't ask, don't tell').  Both Senators from California, one from Louisiana, one from Missouri, one from Washington, one from Minnesota, and two or three more up there in those States not necessarily important to Frodo's continuing dialogue, are also female.  Add in 'Congresspersons' from New York, California, Florida, Minnesota, and one or two from Tennessee, Texas, and assorted vagabond States, and one begins to wonder if the presence of testosterone isn't programmed into the 'death panels' wherein lie the remains of past representatives.

Now, let us consider the position of Guvnah.  After the infamous half-assed performance of Sarah Palin (Sleazebaggers please note that Frodo's reference is to the incumbent having served one-half of her elected term before getting bored or discovering that she would really have to read a book or do real work), Frodo has taken note of Arizona, South Carolina, Michigan, and New Hampshire, among others probably but, frankly, Frodo is getting a little bored himself.  Now (gasp) the reactionary homeland of Georgia has something named Karen Handel atilt with a windmill named Nathan Deal for the Republican nomination to replace the inimitable "Sonny" Perdue.

ASIDE:  Perdue bears an uncanny likeness to the character named "Curly" in the "Three Stooges," and Frodo cannot help but be reminded of "Larry" when he watches Handel parade about a podium.  The Lieutenant Governor, Casey Cagle, completes the triumvirate.

What Frodo truly fears is that the girls all get together, and come on down (sounds vaguely like an old game show, doesn't it?) to help their "sister" overcome the evil Roy Barnes.  A damned "slumber party," no less.  Imagine Sarah in her nightie, and Michele fixing s'mores, while the feminine Maharajah of South Carolina does her best to entertain a visitor from the Appalachian Trail who thought she would be spending a quality evening with the predecessor thereto.

Frodo has to back off an earlier comment whence he took a cheap shot at Arkansas.  True it is that Frodo never thought he would ever miss Wilbur Mills.  Ole Wilbur knew where women belonged, and he had his ways and means.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:27 PM EDT

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Mood:  energetic

Amid his bureaucracy phase, Frodo often joined with his comrades in a mockery of the world in which they lived.  The Harvard Law of Behavior, for example, was often used to describe their joint efforts to make life better for the American taxpayer ("Under carefully controlled laboratory conditions, human beings behave as they damn well please").  The Hobbit felt fully justified applying his considerable creative abilities to such a worthwhile task.  That explains, he supposes, his affinity for the the Newtonian Law of Government, which states that "Work expands to fill the time available for its conclusion."

All of this becomes particularly relevant now that the WASHINGTON POST has finally done something to make people remember that it is still published and delivered daily.  Frodo must admit that he misses Ben Bradlee and still gets chills when Hal Holbrook smokes a cigarette with Bob Redford while Dustin Hoffman follows the money.  When the POST gets something right, it really gets it right, and today, Frodo is cheering for his old friend.

Frodo has referred to the Department of Homeland Obscurity with disdain since first the megalith was dumped on the taxpaying public by the dynamic duo of Cheney and Bush, or is that Abbott and Costello?  The largest civilian agency in the History of Man combined everything from the Secret Service to the Federal Emergency Management folks into a plethora of unrelated, uncontrolled, bells, whistles, and quarterly reports on progress toward equal employment opportunity.  Each report was, of course, first addressed to an Assistant Regional Director under the aegis of the Interim Assistant Commissioner for Operations.  Frodo knows, because he was one, an Assistant Program Manager, on detail from his permanent responsibility as a District Director.

What that means is that Frodo could catch a bus home at 3:30 and nobody would miss him.

Imagine, if you will, what it must be like to take the wisdom of the "9-11 Commission," and produce an intelligence function that makes the word "redundancy" seem almost as pithy as the word "transparency?"  People actually get paid for dreaming up these words, and then devoting their entire work effort to their implementation in manuals and transmittals which no one ever reads, ahead of time.  This obfuscation of responsibility was exactly what Cheney and Bush produced, despite their assertions to the contrary.  The WASHINGTON POST came out in print today with its study of the ineffectiveness of the American Intelligence effort, which had taken them two years to conclude that we are less safe now, simply because we have an unbridled monster collating, but not integrating.

Frodo was hopeful when Lawrence O'Donnell interviewed Richard Clark, who has become the Master of "I Told You So."  Cark, however, seems to have gone over to the Dark Side, because he recommends an "Independent Commission" to cut through the fat and streamline the effort. 

Groan.

Frodo remembers the other homily which guided him in his passage through the endless hallways to the third "morning meeting."  If he recalls close enough, it seemed to whisper "This, too, shall pass."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:35 PM EDT

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Mood:  lucky

Two notes of Explanation:

Farid Tan is from Singapore, and he is the President of a Bank.  Farid and Frodo became acquainted during the course of business, and maintain an easygoing, but respectful dialogue.  Farid is a Muslim, and he prays five times each day.  If he has one personal goal, it would be to own a franchise of Starbuck's.

Bilbo is dying.  She who begat Frodo requires oxygen twenty-four hours per day, every day.  The demand approaches its zenith, and that which would follow for the sake of sheer survival would involve a ventilator.  Bilbo has formally requested that such a course of action not be taken.  Somewhere in the span of one-to-six months, the presence of carbon dioxide in her system will be dominant, and she will decline, rapidly.  Until that time, she will probably fall under hospice care in her assisted living residence.  Frodo and Sam are nearby, and Bilbo enjoys three meals per day, the gallant Braves on her black-and-white, and telephone calls from people she will not see again, as far as we know.

"Mr. Frodo, this is Farid.  How is your Mom?"

"She is 92 years old, so each and every day is an adventure.  Thank you for asking, for she is doing as well as we could expect, if not more."

"We do what we must do.  Do we not?"

"Indeed, we do."

"I will remember her in my prayers this afternoon, and in the days that follow."

"Thank you.  She will be very pleased to hear that.  I don't believe that a prayer to Allah in her name is something which she has known before.  It will be a fine gift."

"Do not worry about our business needs.  They will be here for us at another time."

"Thank you."

"Salaam Alaikam Mr. Frodo, and Bilbo."

"Salaam Alaikam Mr. Tan." 

Middle Earth is a wondrous place.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 4:58 PM EDT

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Mood:  amorous

"The gentleman from the Shire shall speak for eight minutes."

"Thank you Madam Speaker.  I ask permission of the Chair to revise and extend my remarks."

"Let it be so, you may proceed Congressman Frodo."

"Madam Speaker," began the Hobbit, "I note with increasing alarm the frivolous issue addressed by those who challenge the citizenship status of the President of the United States.  The clearly-defined rebuttal of all these allegations has been ignored by several on the, shall we say, lunatic fringe, for many days.  Despite the certification by the State of Hawaii and its political officials, on both sides of the aisle, and the historical record posted at the time in the local newspaper, these ideological foes of the President continue to harangue and defy the evidence.  There has been little harm done since a vast majority of the citizenry recognizes these bubbabutts for what they truly are.  That is changed however, with the public remarks of a United States Senator who, despite his own public foibles, remarked this week that legal action to challenge the citizenship of the duly-elected President had merit."

"Senator David Vitter (R-LA), a publicly-admitted adulterer, who has steadfastly refused to step down from his position despite his Sin, has chosen to give a level of credence to the Sleaze Bag proponents of the continuing falsehood.  This, in spite of the fact that he is not the product of birth on American soil."

"Point of Order.  Will the gentleman yield to a question?," asked the Minority Leader, Congressman Bonehead (R-KY).

"For a question, yes."

"Your statement that Senator Vitter is not a citizen is a preposterous charge."

"That is not a question."

"Then may I ask from whence your information comes to substantiate such an allegation?"

"From his wife."

Congressman Bonehead was aghast, and clearly did not know what to say.

"Congressman," said Frodo, "you will be facinated to learn that Senator Vitter was conceived in a petri dish."

"A petri dish, you say?"

"Madam Speaker, I note that the Congressman had not been recognized, and request that my available time be extended to reflect this improper interruption."

"So granted, Mr. Frodo," said the beaming Ms. Pelosi (D-CA).

"Senator Vitter, for the sake of all appearances is obviously not a fully-conceived product of the normal birth process.  In fact, the available evidence points to the fact that he is truly the biggest shrimp in the US Senate.  His wife, publicly wronged, and forced to wear leopard skin to the public admission of infidelity, has provided this office with slide evidence of the chemical process performed by medical students on the island of Grenada."

"Will the gentleman yield?", asked Congressman Cannot (R-VA).

"For what purpose?"

"To clarify the point of the gentleman's observation, if you will."

"I yield 30 seconds to the gentleman from Virginia."

"Sir, the Constitution does not require that Members of either body of the Congress. . ."

"Point taken and noted.  However, the point is offered that it should be clearly established that others in this body, or those who may wish to serve in this body, sometimes protest simply to hide their own "shorts," if that term may be applied to Senator Vitter, and others."

"Sir, if I may finish, do you allege that there are others whose citizenship needs to be verified?"

"Congressman, how about the Republican candidate for the Senate seat presently held by Mr. Bunning?"

"Rand Paul?"

"Born in Mexico.  In fact, had he been born thirty minutes later, his birth would've taken place in the United States, and he would've been a citizen at birth."

"Madam Speaker. . .I. . ."

"Listen Cannot, have you ever seen his mother?  Don't make a fool of yourself without hearing from his old man, Ronaldo."

The entire chamber was drawn to the crack of the Second Amendment.

The bullet of his .45 failed to penetrate the folds of kinetic energy surrounding the head of Congressman Joe Barton.

"Madam Speaker, I yield the remainder of my time."

"Thank you Mr. Frodo, is there a doctor in the House?  I mean one that can read, Congressman Broun (R-GA)." 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:15 PM EDT

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Mood:  irritated

Upon the death of his father, Frodo first told Bilbo that his wish was that when Bilbo's time comes, Bilbo would leave exactly .05 cents.  Frodo wished then, and has never stopped hoping that Bilbo would enjoy the time available, and not worry about what is left behind.  Frodo has repeated, and repeated, and repeated, but the issue keeps coming up and biting him in the butt.  Now there is a different twist, and Frodo fights to avoid problems.

Frodo's father was a combat veteran of World War II.  The Veteran's Administration, so Frodo discovered quite by accident, has a benefit available to eligible widows of combat veterans to off-set the cost of a home care or assisted living situation.  The benefit, for those with less than a gazillion dollars, can be as much as $1,056 monthly.  Since Bilbo's savings and monthly Social Security benefits are entirely devoted to her assisted living facility, there is an end-date in sight for the dispersal of everything, including the aforementioned .05.  The grand a month from the VA would take the 92-year-old Bilbo onto a new level of things to worry about.  It would also give Frodo a few more minutes of sound sleep.

Frodo anticipated that there would be a lot of paperwork, so he sought out the Georgia Veterans Office, a State agency, to soften his approach to the Federal behemoth.  He obtained all of the necessary forms, and got everything filled out, and reviewed, within a short distance from the Shire, and with no interminable lines awaiting.  Even better, the State agency filed Frodo's forms for him.  Frodo was actually thinking of writing Georgia's Governor a congratulatory letter, and thereby publicly admitting that he may not be a complete and total failure in office, after all.

Frodo should not have been either surprised or non-plussed when a package arrived within 10 days, ta da, requesting more forms.  What bothered him however was that they appeared to be a virtual repeat of the documents already submitted.  A careful reading of the instructions was in order, and Frodo found that he was going to spend almost two hours indeed, answering all of the questions previously answered, save one.  There was a question regarding the "type" of marriage ceremony.

Frodo has the original marriage certificate, so certified in Winchester, Virginia, on the 5th of October 1943.  The actual document does not identify if the marriage was "tribal," or  "common law," or "ceremonial," or "other."  The light shone on Frodo's countenance as he comprehended the subtlety of this new request.  Frodo thought about asking Bilbo, but he would probably hear that there were no gay people during World War II.  The longer Frodo tarries over the, as yet, unanswered question, the angrier he becomes.  He knows, first and foremost, that he will have to answer, forthrightly, just what response is required, or his application will return to the absolute bottom of the pile.  That will do Bilbo no good at all.

But it pisses Frodo to the max.  Did the Congress of the United States, who created the benefit, intend or even consider not paying benefit in the name of a deceased combat veteran who was gay?  Maybe they did, but if Bilbo is correct about the absence of a gay population, they probably didn't.  The benefit itself is short-term assistance to golden generationers quickly slipping into the long goodnight, and some ideological bullfrog has seen fit to make sure that no queers need apply.  It is a good thing that the same determination is not made to determine who is buried in a military cemetery, like Arlington.

Holy mackerel!  You don't suppose?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:16 PM EDT

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Mood:  hug me

"Emergency" is one of those words that fails to connote true meaning, at least to Frodo.  It is closer to "Stop" or "Problem" than it is to "Danger" or "Fire."  An "emergency situation" can refer to a shortage of lettuce in a salad bar, as well as a life-threatening natural disaster.  If Frodo were King of the World, he would require that every word would have but one meaning despite the confusion that might be caused by the use of polish by anyone who happened to be Polish.

Fiona was named for the host of an NPR broadcast entitled "Thistle and Shamrock," Ms. Fiona Richie.  This factoid disputes Frodo's claim to thousands of youngsters who have grown up with the presence of Shrek (or is it Shreck?) that Fiona was truly "the most beautiful girl in the world," as identified in the movie.  It has always been a conversation starter with a new generation for Frodo, and continuously wins Fiona new friends, and lots of nice pets on the head.

Fiona seemed to be squinting, if not blinking her eyes when she stepped into the sunlight.  Despite the reasonableness thereto, it was something noted by Frodo.  A day or so later, he further noted the prence of waste matter in one eye.  He brought it to the attention of Samwise, who wisely suggested a quick visit to Dr. Porsche (referring to the motorcars driven by the veterinarian and financed by the Hobbit) to remove any foreign objects or minor infection.

Sam called Frodo at Mount Doom to inform him that Fiona was to be treated at the "Emergency" Clinic after her examination at the office of Dr. Porsche.  It was his preliminary prognosis that Fiona was suffering from glaucoma.  Sam was cool, and Frodo wore a similar, if not false, veil.  The "Emergency" Clinic practitioner, according to Sam, was a graduate of Tuskeegee, and she seemed both capable and authoritative.  She confirmed the diagnosis as glaucoma, and informed Sam, who informed Frodo, that it was an "Emergency" and that Fiona required immediate surgery.  Treatment otherwise would not be effective in this instance, and Fiona's vision was at risk.

The doctor called a few minutes ago to inform Frodo that Fiona had come through the hour-and-a-half surgery famously.  Frodo thanked her for her sensitivity, her knowledge, and her skill.  She seemed a bit taken aback, and told Frodo that Fiona had been an "excellent patient." 

Mick, the Wonder Dog, has been upset all evening.  He lies at Frodo's feet and silently stares at his friend, asking where Fiona is and wondering who will play soccer with he and Frodo in the morn.  Beau Neau McKitty wanders in and out of every room in the abode upon the Shire, looking to find where Fiona is hiding.  He has entered Frodo's computer room 8 times in the past half-hour.

Frodo and Sam, along with Mick, the Wonder Dog, will rescue Fiona at 10:00 tomorrow morning.  On the way home, Frodo will examine the plastic Elizabethan collar to which Fiona will be sentenced for a couple of weeks, and he will listen as she recants everything that happened during Frodo's absence.  Frodo is sure the dialogue will include a new definition to the word "Emergency."  Frodo, it seems, will have to think up another word to take its place.  Fiona rules.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:50 PM EDT

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