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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Monday, July 28, 2008
I Ain't Got Time For Nothin' Else
Mood:  rushed
Topic: "The Splurge" (4)

It is no secret that the test results in the public schools of Georgia are abysmal.  Given, also, that the school year now begins during the second week of August, it would seem that, at last, somebody is getting serious about the fact that year-after-year, Georgia continues to produce the dumbest bunnies this side of Alabama.  Over the past several years the County of Cobb, which encircles the Shire, and is overwhelmingly Republican, has struggled with the problem of financing education.  Republicans, after all, are supposedly thriftier than Democrats, and would not be saddled with any tax increases for any purpose whatsoever, even for education.  That is, until somebody came up with the idea of a "temporary," yet "renewable" tax for a special purpose.  Thus was born the acronym SPLOST (Special Purpose Local Ordinance Sales Tax), dubbed affectionately by Frodo as "The Splurge."

"The Splurge" is not working.  Teachers continue to purchase student supplies out of their salaries.  Temporary trailers dot the landscape of each and every school, even before they open for service.  Classes in Music, Art Appreciation, and Foreign Language are increasingly trimmed from curricula.  The hundreds of thousands of dollars raised by increasing the local sales tax by a single penny must be going somewhere, doesn't it seem, dear reader?  Inquiring minds, as they say, want to know; especially since the assessment is "temporarily renewable."

The Elementary School of the Shire, affectionately dubbed by Frodo as "The Gulag," lies in the pastoral setting downhill from the Shire.  For the past several weeks, Frodo and his neighbor, Tom Bombadil, have looked down upon the army of contractors spreading a new layer of asphalt on the parking lot.  They turn out to be the same contractors spreading petroleum by-product at the highest prices ever recorded all over school parking lots throughout the county.  Some of the schools are less than two years old. 

The students of the Shire may not be getting any smarter, but their parents have plenty of room to park if they show up for parent-teacher meetings.         

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:16 PM EDT
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Thursday, July 24, 2008
You're My Key To My Peace Of Mind
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: "Ja, Wir Konnen."

"There are times when our actions around the world have not lived up to our intentions."--US Senator Barack Obama (D-IL), 1600 hours, July 24th, 2008, Berlin, Germany (Unter den Linden aus der Tiergarten).

Frodo and his friend walked from the Brandenburg Gate down the street toward the Zoo.  The trees which line the street are all the same type, and the pedestrian passes under them along the way.  It is about a mile, and the walk is as peaceful and restorative as is any big city street, anywhere within the scope of the Hobbit and his travels.  In German, the Zoo is an "animal garden," and Frodo is forced to admit that the real animal that night was the the hormone-driven young Hobbit seeking to add his friend as a conquest.

What it was that made him take note of the grotesque creature laying at the bottom of that pool, just beyond the entrance to the Zoo, remains a mystery to this day.  In any event, Frodo and his friend noted that the old hippopotamus alone, among all the creatures therein, survived the Allied bombings of Berlin in 1944 and 1945.  Perhaps, as he was doing at that very moment, he had just taken a big ole breath and decided that being at the bottom of his pool was preferable to any recognition of the world which had incarcerated him.  Perhaps, also, when he later arose for air he noted that staying in his pool was a wiser course of action than that chosen by any other creature in the vicinity.  It also meant that he was totally alone.

Frodo and his friend pondered the deeper meaning of life, and Frodo became sidetracked from his original goal.  He has often regretted the loss of that possibility.

Frodo knows that the old hippopotamus has long ago naturally followed after his fellow inhabitants of the Berlin Tiergarten.  Frodo couldn't help but wish that he had been in Berlin today, listening.  Had he been there, Frodo would have stood by the pool of the hippopotamus, and tried to hold his breath as long as possible.  It would have reminded him of what he learned in that spot, a long time ago, that when you come up for air, you had better be ready to take on the world all by yourself.      

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:34 PM EDT
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Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Good-Bye, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen To You
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Smoochy Time" (4)

Absent from these parts for over two years, George W. Bush today spent two hours in the State of Georgia.  His purpose was to speak at a fundraiser for a nondescript Republican candidate for Congress.  Given the fact that we are now only 180 days away from his political demise, in fact as well as in theory, it is entirely likely that the Incomparable Moron will not return to cast his incompetent shadow upon the asphalt-covered runways of this, one of the original Thirteen Colonies.  This realization represents the first of the many celebrations sponsored by Frodo and Sam as they cast the Ring into the fires of Mount Doom.  Soon, Sauron will be "cuttin' brush."

Frodo was taken by the absence of Republican officeholders or wannabees on the tarmacs supporting Air Force One.  United States Senatuh Simply Useless (aka Saxby Chambliss, the guy with the highest 'Bush supporter' rating in the entire Senate), is up for re-election and, absent a major competitor, will probably win re-election, was nowhere to be seen on camera.  Frodo looked closely at any rear shots of the Incomparable Moron, just to make sure that Simply Useless wasn't down there giving him a big ole kiss right on the buttocks (again).  Worthless Congressional names like Westmoreland, Price, Deal, Linder, and Gingrey were also noticeably absent from any of the rush of local reporters not otherwise engaged with traffic accidents or thundershowers springing up in the western suburbs.

In all, it was a big ole yawn.  Air Force One took off a little early, probably to beat the traffic.  The Incomparable Moron was looking out of the window, and Frodo assumed he was looking for Katrina survivors.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:09 PM EDT
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Sunday, July 20, 2008
Each Night I Ask The Stars Up Above
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "Because It Is Hard" (4)

President John Fitzgerald Kennedy, in a speech which Frodo missed along the way, established a goal ". . .to land a Man on the Moon and to return him safely to Earth before the end of this decade."  Nobel Prize Laureate Albert Gore, Jr. returning to "Meet the Press" after an eight-year absence, challenged this nation to achieve energy independence by renewable sources within ". . .the next ten years."  Frodo could not help but correlate the similarity, both in duration and presentation, that both men used to set policy, and to manipulate the outcome.  "What a shame," he thought, "for our country, that George W. Bush was not effective enough to have at least implemented one National Goal and managed it through to completion."

Frodo knows that George W. Bush did significantly increase the availability of resources to treat AIDS, Malaria, and other communicable diseases in Africa during his tenure, and Frodo is grateful for this contribution to mankind.  However, the point is that this accomplishment, was not "Social Security Reform," or "Returning to the Moon," or "Capturing Those Responsible" (for the Assault on the Twin Towers), or even "Balancing the Budget Within Five Years."  Frodo refuses to accept the demagogic assertion that further terroristic assaults on this country were prevented by the leadership of George W. Bush.  In at least one instance, such a tragedy was prevented by passengers on an airliner who overcame a madman attempting to ignite an explosive located in his shoes.  George W. Bush had absolutely nothing to do with that incident, which would have killed many.

Frodo argues that Bush was poorly trained, and that he lacked the capacity to set goals, and to manage the Government of the United States.  Attempting to consolidate power within the Executive Branch, he was unwilling, if not unable, to muster forces with the Legislative Branch.  The result being that, even with a six-year period of time in which the Republican Party controlled both Houses of Congress, the Bush Administration was unable to implement, much less control, any significant National Goals.  Even his legislative victories, which most often referred to the threat of terror as their inspiration, are very likely to be over-ridden administratively, by law, or by judicial appeal.  In the end, absolutely nothing worthwhile can ever be associated with this, the least effective Presidential Administration within the history of the western world.

Frodo postulates that George W. Bush really wanted to achieve great things, and that is probably why he wanted to re-ignite the Space Program.  Looking back now, at his guidance to NASA, and his rather unscientific goals for "manned spaceflight," it is probable that he suffers from some form of "Kennedy Envy" (other more organic forms of envy are certainly also conceivable).  It must give him special distress to now hear that Al Gore has shown that he, indeed, has more and better management skills than does he who was deemed the winner of that fated election.  Imagine how he must feel hearing that Prime Minister al-Maliki of Iraq "endorses" (according to DER SPIEGEL) Obama's intent to withdraw all American forces within 16 months?  This, of course, coming from a man with so little "experience." 

Tonight, there are a number of experiments being conducted by NASA on the surface of the Planet Mars.  In the span of a few short days, the magnificent technology has broken through the thin crust that apparently covers what may have once been water in a liquid state.  It is very likely that the existence of "life" as we know it, at some point in time, will be proven to exist upon that alien world.  Imagine, dear reader, how George W. Bush might have been remembered by history if he had merely said, seven years ago, ". . .that we will answer the age old question about life beyond our small, blue planet."

Isn't it just about time for him to take his month-long vacation?       


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:07 PM EDT
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Saturday, July 19, 2008
They Took Away Our Way of Life
Mood:  vegas lucky
Topic: "No, Not Russian" (4)

Frodo is not gregarious per se, but he does have his own way of starting conversations, and making friends.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, has become enamored of a slender, young German Shepherd who lives across the byway afronting the Shire.  In the cool of the evening, he will walk ahead of Frodo, and take a restful position on a small rise overlooking the house where the siren resides.  She is very shy, and since Mick, the Wonder Dog, knows that he cannot enter the byway without Frodo's announced approval, the two merely stare at each other, from a distance.

Frodo spotted the dog's owner, to whom he had but a hand-waving acquaintance, in his own front yard, and walked across the byway to remark upon the slender build of his dog.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, took this as act of tacit approval and crossed along with Frodo.  The owner explained that he had made the error of feeding the dog from the table at a young age, and now she will not eat that which better serves her nutritional requirements.  While they talked, the dogs were showing early signs of play, and the communication that has long included ancestral nose and butt.

Frodo noted the heavy accent of his neighbor, and asked if it might be Balkan, "Perhaps Latvia?," he asked innocently.  His neighbor was almost shaken with shock.  "How did you know?  Nearly everyone thinks I am Russian, because of my accent.  How did you know?"

Frankly, according to Frodo, it had been a wild guess.  He could just as easily have said Estonia, or even Finland.  He just hadn't thought of Russia.  It proved to be a very good guess.

As time bore on, Frodo's neighbor let forth the content of his own Box, as if the saga of Pandora were to be repeated in sheer verbiage.  The neighbor told Frodo that in 1939, when Latvia fell to the Germans, his grandfather, not unlike almost all of the men in their small town, was told by the Germans that he either join the German Army, or that he would be shot.  His family, it was added, would be sent to work camps.  His grandfather acquiesed.  What role he played, Frodo does not yet know.

In 1945, when the Russians liberated Latvia from the Germans, the neighbor said his grandfather was taken captive and assumed that he would be shot for having been a soldier in the German Army.  In fact, he said, one out of every five Latvians was unceremoniously killed by the Russians for their abetting of the Germans.  The neighbor's grandfather, for some unknown reason, was spared, if it can be called that, and was sent to Siberia for a minimum term of 25 years.  Frodo's neighbor began to softly sob, and salty paths wandered through his day-old beard in search of his chin.

Frodo had never met anyone even remotely involved with detention in Siberia, although he had known of the history for most of his days.  Frodo was not sure what to say, and he was searching for some appropriate response.  It was then that they both noted the two dogs, standing on either side of the neighbor, both leaning, listening, and looking up, respectfully.  Both Frodo and his neighbor smiled, and proceeded to rub dog ears in only the way that Man or Hobbit has ever done.

As they parted for the evening, Frodo crossed the byway while Mick tarried but a moment behind.  Frodo looked forward to telling Sam or Tom Bombadill about the mysterious neighbor with the skinny dog.  Another neighbor, somewhat brusquely, stopped Frodo and asked if she had indeed seen him talking to "that Russian."

Frodo said, "No, Not Russian."  He bade her goodnight, and walked home with his friend, who seemed to be laughing, at Frodo's heel.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 5:53 PM EDT
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Thursday, July 17, 2008
It Takes a Worried Man To Sing a Worried Song
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Sauron's Scythe" (4)

Frodo has often been asked to define "love."  Similarly, "hatred," "despair," "fear," "pride," and even "jealousy" are terms which he has occasionally been challenged to verbally describe.  It is, indeed, probable that every emotion has at some point in time been the subject of a defining poem, story, or song, except, as best he can herein recall , for "worry."  It is, in his mind, that which corralls our joys and sadness into trepidation and sorrow, magnified by the future and the past.  Frodo can worry about everyday problems like money, or he can make up things to worry about.  The worst part of worry is the fact that its end is a reflection of the possible, the likely, or certainty.

Frodo may, for example, worry about his own demise.  Surely, it will come, and it will have an impact, not only on Frodo, but to those whom he holds dearest.  So Frodo worries about himself, his Fellowship, his menagerie, and it all may be about something which will not occur for a, hopefully, long, long, time.  (EDITORIAL NOTE:  The Incomparable Moron certainly must worry that Frodo's demise fails to occur soon enough.)  In fact, Frodo's demise may be so far off that all of those and that about whom he cares may precede him, and his worry about them or that will thusly prove to be totally inane.  "Worry" is, indeed, a quality which defies description.

Except when it comes to Sam.  Three times has a cloud hung over the horizon, carrying the possibility that something inevitable was prematurely swinging a scythe that would strike Frodo's companion.  Three times has the demon been cast aside by the technical skill of those who treat illness, and the early detection that constant surveillance can prevent.  Three times means only that a fourth shall come, and every chill wind that blows causes Frodo to worry. 

It may be nothing, and it may not.  It may bring about great pain, or blessed relief.  It is that which brings us all, in our nakedness, to the windows which disclose the darkness, and little else.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:22 PM EDT
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Monday, July 14, 2008
I Ain't Gonna Work On Maggie's Farm No More
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Two Americas" (4)

As a general rule, Frodo avoids the daily topical, preferring, instead, to reflect back at a later time, in order to add perspective, or humor, to something that may not be quite as serious as talking heads or partisans may proffer.  There are, of course, exceptions to every rule and, as Gomer Pyle frequently stated, "Surprise, surprise, surprise," hither follows an exception.

THE NEW YORKER magazine is a "slur," and it is so because that is how it is viewed by the subjects cartooned on the cover.   From a similar perspective, religious people felt that the iconic presentation of the Prophet Muhammad in Dutch newspapers was a religious "slur."  What is truly unsettling about both of these instances is that extremely intelligent, creative, artistic people responded defensively to the criticism.  

George W. Bush, it may be argued, is therefore fully justified to show offense at the comic portrayals of his "eagle beak" and "pointy ears."  Frodo would argue back that making fun of a person's appearance is an automatic denial of credible substance.  On the other hand, to reflect a burning flag, or a place of honor for a portrait of Osama bin Laden, with one of the cartooned portrayed as bearing an automatic weapon leaves too much to the imagination, and too little to the belly laugh.

People, good people, are going to say and do things that offend, intentionally or no.  It is the adults who recognize that they have stepped on the proverbial toe, and who have the wisdom to excuse themselves and to go on.  That is what characterizes the goodness of a man like Don Imus, whose motivations will never be questioned by Frodo.  It is the juveniles who talk about "artistic license" (if they live in New York City), or "getting a tee shirt with that cartoon on the front" (if they live in Texas).

Frodo often reads magazines, and not always in the dental waiting room.  Occasionally, he finds himself reading an article in PLAYBOY, or looking at the pictures in THE NEW YORKER.   He resents the fact that anyone would infer that he needs to look at either, differently.  Frodo knows obscenity when he sees it.    

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:55 PM EDT
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Sunday, July 13, 2008
Pain In My Heart Caused By You
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)

Frodo lashed a line single into the hole between the shortstop and the third baseman.  After making the obligatory turn at first base, he eyed the lanky pitcher peering into the catcher for guidance.  The pitcher's glove was tucked under his chin, and he held the ball in his left hand.  The curious pose was required by the absence of a right arm on the pitcher.

Frodo has long ago forgotten that young man's name, but he was a very rare specimen upon the diamonds patrolled by the Hobbit, so many years ago.  Neither the youngster nor his parents were conquered by the unfairness of it all, and his presence on the mound was something that people talked about, and came to see.  On the mound, he would catch the ball in the glove on his left-hand, tuck the glove under his chin, and then toss the ball before quickly jamming his one hand back into the glove, ready to field a ball hit his way.  Frodo, not unlike all the Hobbits on that field, both admired, and feared, the one-armed kid with the blazing fastball and the herky-jerky movements on the mound.

The score was even, and Frodo was a far better runner than the catcher was a thrower.  Frodo edged off of first base, studying the stance of the one-armed pitcher, looking for a tell-tale point at which to begin his rush for second base.  Frodo brashly assumed that one-arm did not appreciate either the speed or the guile of his opponent, and edged even another step away from the bag at first.  As one-arm raised his right leg to deliver the ball toward home plate, Frodo took his first leaping step to steal second base.  In an instant, Frodo caught sight, in the corner of his eye, of the ball traveling behind him toward the first baseman.  Instinctively, Frodo turned back to first, and dived for safety to the far corner of the bag.  With his face in the dust, he could hear the umpire roar the inevitable denouement.

As he shuffled slowly back to the bench, to the tune of admonishment that one should never be picked off base, Frodo tried to rationalize his misjudgment.  As he watched the rejuvenated pitcher from his lonely spot on the end of the bench, Frodo realized that he had paid improper attention to the right shoulder of one-arm.  Frodo thought he had seen the shoulder point toward home when one-arm raised his right leg, but now, when it no longer mattered, he realized that the shoulder never did turn in that direction.  It was a conscious adjustment to his affliction by one-arm, and Frodo had been fooled by something he had never before experienced.

Frodo played the magnificent game for more than forty years, and he was picked off base but one time.  The cheers that day were for the underdog, the one-armed pitcher, but the lesson learned by he who dived in the dust has not been forgotten.  Neither of us may remember the name of the other, and the memory probably exists for different reasons.  Frodo truly has much in common with Dr. Richard Kimball.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:55 PM EDT
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Thursday, July 10, 2008
Wendy Left Me Alone
Mood:  vegas lucky
Topic: "Whosdalederofdaclub?"(4)

The Chairman of the Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC) was a member of the Board of Directors at a little, old company in Houston known as Enron.    The corporation contributed $75,000 to the re-election campaign of the then-United States Senator who subsequently introduced what has since become known as the "Enron Loophole."  When the Senator (who also Served as Chairman of the Senate Banking Committee) retired from public office, he accepted a Senior Management role with the Union Bank of Switzerland, and has successfully lobbied for changes to America's banking laws.  Among the changes are a weakening of restrictions on "predatory mortgage lending."

Wendy Gramm is the party of the first part, and her husband, Phil Gramm, is the party of the second part. 

Today, another worthless Texan, former Senator and Ph.D (wanna bet from what school he got that degree?  Do you think he might have been a "legacy?") Phil Gramm, who has been serving the McCain campaign as primary architect of the candidate's economic policy, referred to the American people as "whiners."  To his everlasting credit, John McCain had enough good sense to immediately disavow everything the arrogant Cretin had just said.  The downside, of course, for McCain, is that now the whole world is aware of the fact that the Republican candidate for President has been relying on input from sources absolutely out of touch with the situation.  McCain, of course, had earlier referred to Gramm as a "genius," but now seems more concerned about how warmly Gramm would be received in Minsk.

Frodo does not disagree that Gramm is a genius.  He has to be brighter than Texas law enforcement, for there is certainly no justification to his ugly butt outside of prison walls.  With the possible exception of current Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska), there is no documentation to support the allegation that anyone has enriched himself more from his time at the public trough than has Phil Gramm. 

Carly Fiorina was dumped for almost driving the technology company once known as Hewlett-Packard into bankruptcy.  Today, Carly is advising the McCain campaign on women's issues.  During an interview she noted that Senator McCain was "outraged" by the fact that "Viagra" was covered as a prescription drug by Medicare, but that birth-control pills were not.  A few hours later, an intrepid reporter asked Senator McCain why, if that were the case, did he vote AGAINST the determination on the floor of the Senate?  The Senator admitted to not knowing anything about the issue, and was nothing less than the "deer in the headlights" while the cameras continued to roll.

Experience, it is said, is the greatest teacher.  Perhaps that is so, says Frodo, but it is clear that some are, indeed, left behind.  The damage done is at the crux of our present dilemma, and the convicts are still in control. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:57 PM EDT
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Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Listen to The Rhythm of The Falling Rain
Mood:  lucky
Topic: "Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)

For every out-building that ever existed there is a story about a big, ole snake.  Frodo thought about that while wandering amidst the gardens of the Shire with Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog.  Both of his accomplices use the great outdoors, as one might expect, whenever there is a need to create space for the next set of digestibles.  The timing is generally a reflection of a normal day, however the Shire has been deluged with four consecutive days of late afternoon and/or evening thunderstorms.  Yesterday, according to Frodo's rain gauge, three inches of rain fell and one might expect therefore, that trips for this purpose are based on availability and duress.  Comfort is something which is set aside when the Hammer of Thor resounds from Valhalla.

Fiona has the very curious habit of digging a small bed under an evergreen abutting Frodo's house, and remaining there through even the most obsequious of downpours.  Frodo and Sam speculate that she has assumed the role of protector against that which is outside, from coming inside during inclement weather.  Then again, she may simply enjoy Nature's show.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, is napping within inches of whatever room contains he who is known as Frodo.

Between storms, Frodo follows along as both canines search for an appropriate location to follow Natures' call.  There is definitely both a selection and a discovery process involoved.  It is as if the two were Presidential Candidates looking for, and considering a Vice Presidential selectee.  Certainly the parallel fits in the case of Dick Cheney.  The effect being, of course, that Frodo has to be very careful to keep from stepping in it for some days after the event.  Again, Dick Cheney comes to mind.

Frodo has never seen more than a garter snake anywhere in the vicinity of the gardens, and is therefore not terribly concerned about the safety of his friends when they are most vulnerable.  They seem however to want Frodo close, although privacy while in a crouch is seemingly expected. 

Frodo always wanted his father to be standing outside that little building next to the home of his grandfather, just to make sure that no big, ole snake decided to pay an unwelcome visit.  Frodo is sure that included times when it was pouring down rain.

Funny how we forget about the simplest of tasks, which just happened to have been the most important.  Thanks, Pop.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:36 PM EDT
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