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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Well That's The Way I've Always Heard It Should Be
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Forms For Everything"(6)

Upon the death of his father, Frodo first told Bilbo that his wish was that when Bilbo's time comes, Bilbo would leave exactly .05 cents.  Frodo wished then, and has never stopped hoping that Bilbo would enjoy the time available, and not worry about what is left behind.  Frodo has repeated, and repeated, and repeated, but the issue keeps coming up and biting him in the butt.  Now there is a different twist, and Frodo fights to avoid problems.

Frodo's father was a combat veteran of World War II.  The Veteran's Administration, so Frodo discovered quite by accident, has a benefit available to eligible widows of combat veterans to off-set the cost of a home care or assisted living situation.  The benefit, for those with less than a gazillion dollars, can be as much as $1,056 monthly.  Since Bilbo's savings and monthly Social Security benefits are entirely devoted to her assisted living facility, there is an end-date in sight for the dispersal of everything, including the aforementioned .05.  The grand a month from the VA would take the 92-year-old Bilbo onto a new level of things to worry about.  It would also give Frodo a few more minutes of sound sleep.

Frodo anticipated that there would be a lot of paperwork, so he sought out the Georgia Veterans Office, a State agency, to soften his approach to the Federal behemoth.  He obtained all of the necessary forms, and got everything filled out, and reviewed, within a short distance from the Shire, and with no interminable lines awaiting.  Even better, the State agency filed Frodo's forms for him.  Frodo was actually thinking of writing Georgia's Governor a congratulatory letter, and thereby publicly admitting that he may not be a complete and total failure in office, after all.

Frodo should not have been either surprised or non-plussed when a package arrived within 10 days, ta da, requesting more forms.  What bothered him however was that they appeared to be a virtual repeat of the documents already submitted.  A careful reading of the instructions was in order, and Frodo found that he was going to spend almost two hours indeed, answering all of the questions previously answered, save one.  There was a question regarding the "type" of marriage ceremony.

Frodo has the original marriage certificate, so certified in Winchester, Virginia, on the 5th of October 1943.  The actual document does not identify if the marriage was "tribal," or  "common law," or "ceremonial," or "other."  The light shone on Frodo's countenance as he comprehended the subtlety of this new request.  Frodo thought about asking Bilbo, but he would probably hear that there were no gay people during World War II.  The longer Frodo tarries over the, as yet, unanswered question, the angrier he becomes.  He knows, first and foremost, that he will have to answer, forthrightly, just what response is required, or his application will return to the absolute bottom of the pile.  That will do Bilbo no good at all.

But it pisses Frodo to the max.  Did the Congress of the United States, who created the benefit, intend or even consider not paying benefit in the name of a deceased combat veteran who was gay?  Maybe they did, but if Bilbo is correct about the absence of a gay population, they probably didn't.  The benefit itself is short-term assistance to golden generationers quickly slipping into the long goodnight, and some ideological bullfrog has seen fit to make sure that no queers need apply.  It is a good thing that the same determination is not made to determine who is buried in a military cemetery, like Arlington.

Holy mackerel!  You don't suppose?


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:16 PM EDT
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Friday, July 9, 2010
Walk On Through The Wind, Walk On Through The Rain
Mood:  hug me
Topic: "The Good Doctor"(6)

"Emergency" is one of those words that fails to connote true meaning, at least to Frodo.  It is closer to "Stop" or "Problem" than it is to "Danger" or "Fire."  An "emergency situation" can refer to a shortage of lettuce in a salad bar, as well as a life-threatening natural disaster.  If Frodo were King of the World, he would require that every word would have but one meaning despite the confusion that might be caused by the use of polish by anyone who happened to be Polish.

Fiona was named for the host of an NPR broadcast entitled "Thistle and Shamrock," Ms. Fiona Richie.  This factoid disputes Frodo's claim to thousands of youngsters who have grown up with the presence of Shrek (or is it Shreck?) that Fiona was truly "the most beautiful girl in the world," as identified in the movie.  It has always been a conversation starter with a new generation for Frodo, and continuously wins Fiona new friends, and lots of nice pets on the head.

Fiona seemed to be squinting, if not blinking her eyes when she stepped into the sunlight.  Despite the reasonableness thereto, it was something noted by Frodo.  A day or so later, he further noted the prence of waste matter in one eye.  He brought it to the attention of Samwise, who wisely suggested a quick visit to Dr. Porsche (referring to the motorcars driven by the veterinarian and financed by the Hobbit) to remove any foreign objects or minor infection.

Sam called Frodo at Mount Doom to inform him that Fiona was to be treated at the "Emergency" Clinic after her examination at the office of Dr. Porsche.  It was his preliminary prognosis that Fiona was suffering from glaucoma.  Sam was cool, and Frodo wore a similar, if not false, veil.  The "Emergency" Clinic practitioner, according to Sam, was a graduate of Tuskeegee, and she seemed both capable and authoritative.  She confirmed the diagnosis as glaucoma, and informed Sam, who informed Frodo, that it was an "Emergency" and that Fiona required immediate surgery.  Treatment otherwise would not be effective in this instance, and Fiona's vision was at risk.

The doctor called a few minutes ago to inform Frodo that Fiona had come through the hour-and-a-half surgery famously.  Frodo thanked her for her sensitivity, her knowledge, and her skill.  She seemed a bit taken aback, and told Frodo that Fiona had been an "excellent patient." 

Mick, the Wonder Dog, has been upset all evening.  He lies at Frodo's feet and silently stares at his friend, asking where Fiona is and wondering who will play soccer with he and Frodo in the morn.  Beau Neau McKitty wanders in and out of every room in the abode upon the Shire, looking to find where Fiona is hiding.  He has entered Frodo's computer room 8 times in the past half-hour.

Frodo and Sam, along with Mick, the Wonder Dog, will rescue Fiona at 10:00 tomorrow morning.  On the way home, Frodo will examine the plastic Elizabethan collar to which Fiona will be sentenced for a couple of weeks, and he will listen as she recants everything that happened during Frodo's absence.  Frodo is sure the dialogue will include a new definition to the word "Emergency."  Frodo, it seems, will have to think up another word to take its place.  Fiona rules.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:50 PM EDT
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Thursday, July 8, 2010
You've Been So Much More Than Kind, You Can keep The Dime
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: "Made You Look" (6)

Frodo is plagued by lookalikes; not Frodo lookalikes, but those who look like somebody whom Frodo knows.  Perhaps it is the eyes, or the cheekbone, or an ankle, but, especially with the fairer sex, Frodo lives in constant fear that he will come across someone he once "knew," and blow the recognition, big time.

The young lady was named Brenda, and it was only their third date.  Frodo, honestly, dragged her into an ice cream parlor after a football game.  It was very crowded, but Frodo found a couple he knew occupying a four-person booth, and he hustled his date into the bench across from the occupants.  He glided smoothly through their names and then stumbled badly when he introduced Brenda (note that Frodo has never forgotten that name since) as "a friend of mine."  That night remains in Frodo's memory as one of those in which he did "without." 

Frodo has been struggling with the appearance of Sarah Palin.  She reminds him of somebody.  It has caused the Hobbit great consternation, for he has dreaded, perhaps, the possibility that he once "knew" Sarah Palin.  The thought has made him take several apparently unnecessary showers. 

This evening, Frodo has resolved the lookalike crisis, and is prepared to face the BP oil spill, the War in Afghanistan, the national debt, and the jobs crunch.  Frodo knows who Sarah Palin resembles, and he is sure that he has never come into contact with either.

She is Paula Jones.

Frodo will bet former President Clinton has to take two showers.



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:48 PM EDT
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Friday, July 2, 2010
All Of Those Tourists Covered With Oil
Mood:  party time!
Topic: "Avast You Lubbers"(6)

In those early years, it was Frodo and Legolas, representing the urban, and Smeagol and Denethor spawned from the open spaces to the West.  On this particular Fourth of July, Legolas was ensconced in the pubescent hormonal rapture, and had no interest in separating himself from his partner of the moment.  The Hobbit entourage was then but three, conjuring magical plans to disperse their unfulfilled energies, and soon Frodo found himself outnumbered by his chums.  The two-to-one vote was to observe the Fourth of July Celebration at the Lincoln Memorial, the most magnificent fireworks display in all the lands of Middle Earth, but something that Frodo had seen several times before.  Frodo kept cajoling his associates that there was beer to drink, and that time was wasting.

Denethor was from Utah, and he knew much of wild rivers and frantic runs between huge boulders, things which Frodo enjoyed hearing about but had never imagined as reality.  Frodo was aghast when Smeagol suggested the use of Denethor's canoe as a transit object into the middle of the wide Potomac, a peaceful spot to watch the fireworks undisturbed by those lacking imagination.  Besides, said Smeagol, a case of beer would be a welcome addition, and would automatically placate Frodo.  Frodo argued with futility that he had no experience in a canoe, and might get them all sent to Davy Jones Locker, or at least knock the beer overboard.

His comrades finally convinced him that their superior skills would offset the flaws in Frodo's participation.  "Besides," said Denethor, "you'll get in the middle, and there is no way you could tip us over."

Frodo saw the flaw in the plan when they pulled up next to the Columbia Island Marina in order to launch the canoe.  It seemed that every owner of a yacht, or whatever one might call something large and white with motors aroar, that floated upon the river that night was placed directly in the path of Frodo and his companions.  As the canoe slid into the water, with Frodo as passenger, while Denethor and Smeagol provided the intial thrust on behalf of the engineless vehicle, Frodo noted the wake from every passing ocean liner.  Frodo kept his hands upon the bug spray, the jackets, and the beer, while his friends leaped into the canoe.

Things were going amazingly well until Smeagol attempted to cast himself into the pilot's position in front of Frodo, and Frodo's slight lean of assistance to the left turned out to be a miscalculation, at best.  In the subsequent attempt to assist Smeagol back into the canoe, Frodo again adjusted position without informing the remaining crew.  Now Frodo was all alone, with no paddle.

It should come as no surprise that neither Smeagol nor Denethor ever again invited Frodo when they went canoeing.  They were not amused at Frodo's effort to put things into true perspective when he noted that "at least he'd saved the beer."

As is his usual practice this Fouth of July, Frodo will grudgingly watch an inferior fireworks display while he recalls the majesty of the lights above the Washington Monument.  He will smile, and think of friends, long gone, who still curse the clumsy Hobbit for their unwanted dunking.  He knows they still laugh about him, but you know what? 

At least he saved the beer.



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 6:07 PM EDT
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Thursday, July 1, 2010
You Don't Have To Be A Star Baby, To Be In My Show
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: "Let's Play A Game" (6)

Today began the "third quarter," generally regarded as a critical period of time for business and government.  Frodo, however, is feeling rather perky this evening, and using the model set forth by Matthew Broderick in that great movie where he played war games with the defense system of the United States, Frodo has decided to play a "war game."  You can play along boys and girls.  In fact, you may want to notify your friends and have them play along, too.

The game begins.

Frodo presupposes that, despite the treachery of British Petroleum, the worst customer service offered by any corporate entity belongs solely to the communications megalith, COMCAST.  If, dear reader, you have never dealt with the mindless gnomes in their Philadelphia headquarters, then you truly have no idea of what is indeed the worst designed and the most ineptly managed assemblage ever in that which we call Middle Earth.  Ask anyone who has ever had to deal with the promises unkept, the orders misplaced, the refunds not received, or the interminable periods wending one's way through "telephone prompts," only to end up back where the conflagration initially commenced.

Given that, Frodo will demonstrate.  COMCAST claims that they provide "customer service," 24/7.  If you should find yourself unable to sleep some morning, say arouind 2:30, and your black-and-white is full of infomercials, then Frodo suggests you dial toll-free (404-266-2278 in Georgia, or your area code and the letters COMCAST).  You will be asked to supply a telephone number in order to better "identify" your account.  Frodo suggests using the telephone number of your Member of Congress (in Frodo's case, it is "Tom Price," the mustachioed little nose-picker).  You will be impressed by the bubbly little searching sound in the background as the digitalized message system absorbs your full attention, but only after establishing that you are not an "illegal."  An account number request can be met by any combination of sixteen (16) numbers.

After a quasi-reasonable period of time, one finds oneself directed to respond to increasingly specific choices about the motivation which first drove the caller to seek assistance.  If any combination of choices selected does not add up to ordering, and paying for, new service, then the caller is informed that "unusually high traffic" prevents service at this time, and thereby follows summary judgment that another call should be attempted, "at a later time."  After thirty or forty attempts, the caller, as in the case of the Hobbit, is usually prepared to accept defeat.

Frodo thought that an appropriate piece of correspondence to the COO would salve his wounds.  He found however, that everyone he knows who has ever dealt similarly with this organization, which shares his citizenship, has also written to the CEO, CFO, Board Chairman, without response.  Frodo concludes that COMCAST is in collusion with the United States Postal Service.

Frodo invites all, dear reader, to submit their own examples of bad customer service, but, as in this game, back it up with rules of engagement or be prepared to declare that COMCAST has "the worst service in the world."

With appropriate apologies.  



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:11 PM EDT
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Thursday, June 24, 2010
Every Day It's Going a Little Faster
Mood:  bright
Topic: "Frodo's Solutions" (6)

It is very, very difficult to keep a "stiff upper lip," when you keep getting your butt kicked was Frodo's message to his fellow Hobbits.  "From Mordor to Gondor," he said, "there is nothing but bad news, and," he added, "it's too hot to be outside for very long.  Then, even if you are able to tarry a moment, the wet Spring has fostered a generation of tiger mosquitos that are both vicious and persistent.  They remind me of Republicants from Texas."

On top of all that, the gallant Braves just got swept by the scandalous White Stockings from Chicago.

Frodo has been thinking a lot about the economy, as if he were the only one.  In his business dealings, the Hobbit is often asked if things are getting better.  His standard rersponse has been that "Today is better than yesterday.  Yesterday was better than last week.  Last week was sure as Hell better than a year-and-a-half-ago."  This generally draws a snicker or two, and either a nod in agreement or a wish that the message would receive quick attention at the ear of the Big Guy.  Truth be told, this is, indeed, what Frodo believes.

However, Frodo recognizes the truthiness in the words of the opposition, and is therefore using that criticism as the base for his submission to higher powers on how to defend against a recession which resembles a large ice cream cone (a double dip, if Frodo's attempt at humor is too far afield).  Given it is that 48% of the population of Middle Earth pays any taxes at all.  Our increasingly accumulating debt reflects the fact that wealthy real estate developers, for example, are able to use a complex tax code in order to legitimately avoid their fair share of our national need.  It is also true that fewer and fewer on the low-to-medium income levels contribute nothing, except their charming presence, to the investment that our nation needs in order to avoid that which has befallen less viable nations all over Middle Earth.

At the crux of our problem is the bank.  The bank has found that the loans they made to real estate developers no longer reflect the value of the collateral.  The $10 Million the bank loaned to the real estate developer to build a shopping center assumed that the real estate developer would be able to lease all of the space to grocery stores, and other convenient retail businesses.  Since consumer spending is down because of job losses and so on, many of those businesses closed, and they have not been replaced, despite the best efforts of the real estate developer.  This has meant that the real estate developer has been unable to repay his loan to the bank.   The bank has then been left with the choice of calling the loan, and trying to seil the loan (at a big discount to those big bad guys from Wharton on the Street named Wall), or to re-negotiate the deal with the real estate developer.  The result being that the bank loses money, and either fails, as have more than 38 in Georgia alone during the past year, or it simply licks its wounds and stops lending money until market condidtions improve.

The snowball does not stop easily.

Every body has a simple answer to the problems at hand.  Unfortunately, nobody agrees with anyone else's solutions.  Raising taxes.  Eliminating the Income Tax.  Selling more Government Bonds.  "Drill, Baby, Drill," and other homilies, are the suggestions of those who enjoy hearing the sound of their own voice among the cacophony of talking heads and scarecrows accompanying Dorothy back to Kansas.  That, dear reader, is why Frodo has drawn his own plan for your consideration and amusement.

To appease those who believe in swift action by the Government, Frodo supposes that we should immediately institute a complete and total freeze on bank lending to support the construction of any and all shopping centers, apartment buildings, office towers, or condominiums.  Do we really need another shopping center?  Anywhere?  So why are we complaining about being unable to get a loan to build another something we don't need?

To appease the economists, Frodo suggests that incentives be established for the construction and development of any "green energy" project which produces and stores its own facility of non-fossilized fuel.  The "energy developer" (who was probably once a "real estate developer") will have a marketable product which he/she could sell to anyone who had an interest (say, like a county who can light all of their schools with energy gathered from windmills, the construction of which had been financed by the bank).  He might also make money; taxable money.

Who says that snowballs cannot run uphill?

When we get our draggy asses out of these doldrums, it will be because of thoughts that look forward, like Frodo has tried to do.

Ring, ring, ring.


"THE Steven Jobs?"

"Yessir.  Frodo will give you all the time in the world.  Would you mind if we walked up Mount Doom while we talk?"


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:47 PM EDT
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Sunday, June 20, 2010
I Read The News Today, Oh Boy
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Dont Touch That Dial"(6)

Some forms of lunacy are rightly assumed to exist only within internal parameters.  There are exceptions however, and it causes Frodo great pain to recognize that Joe Barton and Pat Robertson are a plague on all of mankind.

Mr. David Makoeya, age 61, and a resident of South Africa, was a patriotically enthused football fan who was understandably interested in the happenings surrounding the clash between Germany and Australia in the World Cup fiasco.  Makoeya met resistance from his own family, who were much more interested in the outcome of the conflict between Jesus and the Devil which was taking place simultaneously on another channel on the family black-and-white.  After the initial rebuff on his request to change the channel utilizing the remote control device, Makoeya rose from his chair and sought to change the channel by hand (How, pray tell, does one do that, queried Frodo?).

Unfortunately, Makoeya's 68-year-old wife Francina and his two children, including his son Collin (age 36), and his daughter Lebogang (age 23), felt the call to Jesus much more pronounced than did their dear old Dad and devoted Husband, and they proceeded to beat the shit out of the old boy.  Only when he appeared to no longer be breathing did they think to call the local gendarmerie, who pronounced Makoeya dead at the scene. 

"It appears they banged his head against the wall," said police spokesman Mothemane Malefo.  All three were arrested.

By the way, Happy Father's Day!

Thank Heavens the officials weren't from Mali.  The old boy might still be alive.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:39 PM EDT
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Monday, June 14, 2010
Everybody Knew You Didn't Give No Lip To Big John
Mood:  hug me
Topic: "Rooty-Toot" (6)

Frodo picked up the inside roll from the paper towel dispenser, and thought about something he had heard, a long time ago, in a place now far away.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, eyed him suspiciously, knowing that something wonderful was about to happen.  Frodo brought one end of the roll up to his mouth, and pointed the other in the general direction of the Wonder Dog.

"Rooty-Toot," said he, and the Wonder Dog's mouth fell ajar as he noted Frodo's voice coming out of the far end of the paper towel toll.  "Rooty-Toot," repeated Frodo, over and over again, until the Wonder Dog finally established that he would have to grab the paper towel roll from Frodo's mouth, and run off with it in order to determine how Frodo had gotten his voice inside the roll.  The laughter from Sam was matched only by the sparkling eyes of the major participant in this new, and most exciting of games in the Shire.

Some days later, Sam asked Frodo what had caused him to think of using the paper towel roll in order to throw his voice.  Frodo said, "Sam, I give all the credit to Jimmy Dean."

"The sausage guy?" queried Sam.

"Jimmy Dean had a TV Show back in the 50's, sponsored by Wilkins Coffee, which was, of course, the product that introduced the 'Muppets'.  In addition to a little yodeling and a little cowboy-type stuff, Jimmy Dean would tell stories and participate in skits as the 'Muppets' moved from the commercials onto the main stage."


"So one year, and Frodo guesses it had to be just before Christmas, he heard Jimmy Dean talk about Christmas in the place where he had lived as a little boy, which was a community so small that it only had one store, which also happened to be a gas station."

"Yeah," said Sam expectantly, if not bored.

"There was but a single bathroom in the back of the station, and people had to take turns using it.  We kids always looked forward to Christmas because it took about a year for the single roll of toilet paper to be all used up, leaving only the inside roll which we would purloin from one another and run all over God's Creation bellowing "Rooty-toot, Rooty-toot" through that roll."

It was the present we kids all wanted; to get this year's "Rooty-Toot."

Sam just stared at Frodo, "How do you remember these things?"

Jimmy Dean, aged 81, died today.



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:55 PM EDT
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Sunday, June 13, 2010
Whatever Happened to Randolph Scott?
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Key Word Apology" (6)

Key words are used by search engines to provide a high percentage response to a general inquiry.

An apology is a response that admits to an error or misdeed.

Frodo has never before considered an apology that utilizes key words in order to maximize the scope therein.  See what you think.

Walter Fitzpatrick, a resident of Sweetwater, Tennessee, and a military retiree (rank unknown), was arrested in early April after he tried to put a Monroe County grand jury foreman under citizen's arrest (somehow the lilting voice of Don Knotts is ringing in Frodo's ear).  Having been rather hostile to the government ever since he faced court-martial two decades ago, Fitzpatrick was trying to get the grand jury foreman to indict President Obama, alleging that he is not a U.S. citizen.  In fact, Fitzpatrick issued 24 of his own "warrants" demanding that certain federal, state, and local officials be subject to his citizens arrest (there's that voice again).

Darren Wesley Huff, a resident of Dalton, Georgia, was arraigned in Knoxville, Tennessee, on Friday and charged with transporting a firearm in furtherance of a civil disorder.  Mr. Huff, it seems, was stopped for a traffic violation by state troopers who noted the presence of a pistol on Mr. Huff's hip.  Mr. Huff, according to the police report, stated that he had an AK-47 in his trunk and that he was on his way to the Monroe County Courthouse in Madisonville, Tennessee, in order to help take over the courthouse in support of the aforementioned Mr. Fitzpatrick.  Since Mr. Huff had a gun permit, the state troopers were prepared to let him go until he informed them of his intentions.  Mr. Huff also indicated that he was a member of the "Oath Keepers," which the Southern Poverty Law Center has identified as an extremist anti-government group

Mr. Huff pleaded not guilty to the complaint filed by the FBI.  The complaint further indicated that Mr. Huff had appeared, along with a dozen or so other armed men, outside the Monroe County Courthouse on Thursday, the day before his arrest.  He indicated to FBI agents at the time that he was prepared to "die for his rights."

Frodo is a son of the South.  He knows the towns of Sweetwater, Knoxville, Dalton, and Madisonville.  He appreciates their charms and their foibles.  He is also humiliated by the fact that the school systems in these communities produce people such as Fitzpatrick and Huff.  He is ashamed that parents could exercise so little wisdom in teaching children proper behavior.  He wants to apologize to people in other parts of Middle Earth, who have to be horrified by characters of this ilk.

It is at this point that Frodo had an epiphany.  Why not maximize the potential for those searching the world-wide web to stumble across the stupidity of these clowns?  Frodo hereby lists "keywords" which are identified for the purpose of defining to as many as possible that Fitzpatrick and Huff, and all the rest of their "Oath Keepers" are merely:  ignorant, moronic, stupid, insane, obtuse, dull, delusional, backward, deceitful, repulsive, repugnant, vicious, dangerous, contemptible, criminal, freakish, fraudulent, slow, and, oh well, you get the point.

And for those of you who have just found Frodo.  Hi!  Ya'll come back now, y'heah.      

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:28 PM EDT
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Saturday, June 12, 2010
Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la, Live For Today And Don't Worry About Tomorrow
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)

"Sir Alfred of Wayward, this is Frodo, Keeper of the Ring."

"To what do I owe this pleasure, and could you please be brief, I do have this issue in the Colonies, you know?"

"I understand your Majesty, and empathize with anyone who has to contend with those pesky Americans."

"Indeed, and what can I do for our distinguished visitor from the Shire."

"Well Sir, having once lived in the City of Orleans, Frodo understands the importance of British Petroleum to the local economy, and the need for a continuing relationship.  It is just that fact that disturbs him when he considers the reality of this continuing unpleasantness surrounding the Horizon Spill."

"In what way, might I ask?"

"Wayward Old Boy, don't you realize that the oil well you've dug connects with every dome of oil in the world?  You've tapped into all of the oil that there is on this small, blue planet, and that that damn well is not going to stop until all of the oil reserves that exist are expunged/"


"SO!  Don't you get the message, this well will keep pumping crude into the Gulf of Mexico until there is no more oil at all."

"Oh pish-and-tush.  The relief wells will connect in August, and then the little shrimpee barbies can get back to business there in lower Alabama, or whatever they call that dreadful place.  You do know that we have to pay our employees 'tropical duty pay' for tolerating that climate?"

"That's what I thought, you aren't aware that those wells will most likely run like the present process, only there will be three, rather than one, spouting uncontrolled into the ocean."

"Who told you that?  Where do you get such information"

 "Wayward, Wayward.  It is right there in the e-mails sent by the employees on Horizon, just before the explosion."

"Was there."


"Was there, I said."

"What do you mean?"

"Those systems suffered damage after the explosion, and have been lost."

"What kind of damage?  The e-mails were received and logged in portals throughout the company. "

"The systems suffered oil damage."

"That's impossible.  But what's more important is the fact that you do seem to be aware of the fact that you have been tapping into every oil well in the world, and that now all of that oil is gushing into the Gulf of Mexico, and we can't stop it."

"As I said, so?" 

"Your Lordship, I implore you to consider the impact if this information became public knowledge."

"Impact?  What impact?  It would take 50 years for issues such as these to wend their way through the British judicial processes.  By that time, I don't think that either of us will have much to worry about."

"I'm appalled."

"My dear Frodo, have you considered the price of a barrel of oil if all that remains is that which has been skimmed from the Gulf in our tankers?"

"You're suggesting that this was not an accident?"

"My boy, the Sun never sits on the British Empire."


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:52 PM EDT
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