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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Thursday, August 19, 2010
That's Why I'm Leavin'
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Imagine,General Newt"(6)

"Soldier, come here now!"

"Yessir, Sergeant Frodo here, Sir."

"Sergeant, what exactly is going on over there?"

"Over where, General Sir?"

"Those men in uniform, over there, in the hallway, here in the Pentagon, they're all on their knees."

"Yessir General, those men are praying."

"Praying?  I've never seen anybody pray like that, and there are lots of Jews and Catholics in Pennsylvania, where I'm originally from."

"Those soldiers are Muslims, General Sir, and they are called to prayer five times each day."

"Muslims?  Here?  In the Pentagon?  After their brothers crashed an airplane right over there, and killed all them innocent people on 9-11.  Who allowed this travesty to occur?"

"General Sir, those are officers and enlisted men of the United States, in fact, several of their comrades were among those killed and wounded on that terrible day."

"Well, if you ask me, I think we now have some idea of how that whole thing got to take place."

"Sir?  What are you saying?"

"Well, first of all, it is insulting to those who survived the attack to have those who committed that horrible crime to even be in this building, much less putting on a display of their exhibitions.  But, dodn't you think it is likely that our security was jeopardized by them giving their fellow towelheads information about our nation's defenses?"

"Sir, I don't believe that for a minute.  I know some of those soldiers, and they are good soldiers, good Americans."

Well, soldier, now you know why you're a Sergeant, and I am a General."

"If you'll excuse me Sir, I have to return to my duties."

"Just you remember what I said.  What did you say your name was, boy?"

"Frodo Sir, Sergeant Frodo."

"Well, Sergeant Frodo, that's a pretty strange name, you're not one of them are you?"

"No Sir, I am a Hobbit."

"A Hobbit eh, is that something like a midget?"

"Sometimes Sir, when I hear uninformed people utter unimaginable drivel, I realize how small I become when I don't stand up for truth, and for justice.  I realize then that it may cost me great pain and grief, but for anyone to question the integrity of people like those soldiers over there, just because of their faith, it becomes too much for even I, the smallest and the weakest."

"You are very naive, soldier."

"Perhaps Sir."

"If I didn't know better, I'd think that. . ."

"That Sir, is your problem.  You don't know better.   Now, if you'll return my salute of the rank, I'll be on my way.  Understand, Sir, that the salute has nothing to do with you, just your rank.  And Sir, rest assured I will have a difficult time forgetting what you have said.  Especially when I see soldiers, on their knees, in prayer."


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:35 PM EDT
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Sunday, August 15, 2010
But It's Over Now
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Chipper" (6)

One does not have to know very much about baseball in order to recall that the Atlanta Braves were, for a very long time, the absolute worst team in the game.  The benefit of consistent ineptitude is that the worst teams get to select first when amateur players become eligible to sign with professional teams, but poor selections and injuries meant that the Braves were on a treadmill that offered hope, but little change.

One year however, something changed.  The Braves were torn between a pitcher from Southern California who appeared to be the revitalization of both Dizzy Dean and Christy Mathewson, and a shortstop named Larry Wayne Jones, Jr.  The pitcher, in his arrogance, stated that he had no interest in being drafted by a losing team, so he would be most pleased if the Atlanta Braves looked elsewhere.  Thus opportunity came in the name of a shortstop, known then, and now forever, as "Chipper."

Chipper suffered a torn ACL soon thereafter, but surgery, and rehabilitation restored his ability, although his speed afoot notably decreased.  The Braves management, most notable Manager Bobby Cox, asked "Chipper" if he wouldn't mind giving third base a try, a position which requires quickness, but puts a lot less demand on the knees.  It wasn't long until he became the regular third-baseman, and it seemed to miraculously occur at the same time that the guys around him started to play a whole lot better, as a team.

Today, "Chipper" is the last player on the gallant Braves regular line-up who was a regular performer on the 1995 World Champion Atlanta Braves.  During his tenure, the gallant Braves won 10 of their 14 consecutive league championships, a record unmatched by any professional sport, anywhere, ever.

Frodo fell in love with "Chipper" for a couple of reasons.  First off, the fans in New York who attended baseball games at Shea Stadium (home of the Mets) thought they were getting his goat by chanting "Larry, Larry, Larry" whenever he strode to the batter's box.  Unfortunately for them, "Larry" has hit more home runs, driven in more runs, and had the highest batting average attained by any regular opponent in Shea Stadium.  He also named one of his sons "Shea."  How cool is that?

The other reason has to do with Frodo's father, who died before Chipper ever made it to the big leagues.  Frodo's dad loved Dale Murphy, the gentle giant who tried harder than anyone but always came up smiling.  Frodo's father was very ill, but he would call Frodo and ask "What's wrong with Murphy?," seemingly every time his favorite player failed to hit three or more home runs per game.  Frodo truly wishes he could've talked about "Chipper" with his dad.  That would have been cool, too.

This past week, while leaping for a batted ball off the bat of a Houston Astro, Chipper fell to the earth upon his injured leg after throwing the baserunner out in a brilliant play.  He had the tendon of a cadaver implanted to replace the newly-torn ACL in an operation yesterday.  Recovery will take six months, so his further participation in the pennant run of the first-place gallant Braves is ended.

"Chipper" says he will come back for one more season.  He is 38 years old, and no player, at age 39, has ever come back to play again after such a debilitating injury.  In addition, the only manager he has ever had in the major leagues, the irrepressible Bobby Cox, has already announced his retirement upon the completion of this season.  The will, and the determination of the athlete, may simply not be enough, for one more year.


P.S.  That pitcher from Southern California was a "coke head" and he has been in drug rehabilitation programs for more than a dozen years.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:57 PM EDT
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Saturday, August 14, 2010
How Can I Hurt When Holdin' You?
Mood:  suave
Topic: "Lime is on my side" (6)

Frodo's Aunt Blanche will always be remembered for the phrase, "It is always 5:00 somewhere."  The magic hour closes in on Frodo this wickedly warm Saturday in August, as he culminates his labors of love in the gardens of the Shire.  Soon he will gather his favorite cocktail glass, a bottle of Roses' Lime Juice, any good bottle-contained European or Slavic Vodka, a sliced lime, about a pound of shaved or chipped ice, and a stirrer purloined from one of any number of favored bars located in well-remembered locations throughout Middle Earth.  The result, a Gimlet, is one way to truly define the Hobbit.

James Bond would say, "Shaken, not stirred." 

Frodo says, "On the rocks, if you please."

A gimlet, straight-up, is nothing more than a martini before viagra.  Absent the presence of green-tinted ice, and a solitary droplet of moisture in search of a coaster beneath, there is no romance in the refreshment that satisfies thirst, and relaxes the senses better than any this time of year.  Frodo prefers to remain seated, with a view of a setting sun clouded by flashes of lightning in the faraway lands beyond the canopy of the Shire.  There is always music, the best of friends, and Sam.

It is now 10 minutes past five o'clock. 

Time's a wastin'. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 5:11 PM EDT
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Friday, August 6, 2010
I Can't Tell You Who To Sock It To
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Terrible Swift Sword"(6)

Frodo repeats himself only when he forgets that he has already told a tale or three.  That is, until now. 

The Men of Gondor spent a luncheon with a whole gaggle of West Point graduates.  The guest speaker was the man who is now the last remaining survivor of the flight of the Enola Gay; he who served as Navigator.  The tale that was told that day contained intrigue, history, comedy, and it left Frodo in awe.  He stood in silence afterwards, listening to the comments of those who approached the Navigator.  One Marine, now a bit less formidable than he was in 1945, told of his days on Okinawa, awaiting the orders to land on the Japanese mainland, and how grateful he was for the gift of life he had been given by those who ended the War before that fateful day arrived.  One, from the men of Gondor, asked about the horror that happened upon a basically civilian population, and if it was a memory that haunted the crew thereafter.  The responses were heartfelt, and honest.

Frodo never knew that the mission was potentially a suicide-run.  The amount of time available to the Enola Gay was considered not sufficient to allow the ship to out-run the enormity of the explosion.  It was truly hair-raising to listen as the Navigator spoke about the passage of time, and the uncanny skill of a pilot with only moments to spare.

Frodo has thought many times about that meeting, and he listens with an open-mind to those who have deep opinions, and great pain to share, about the events that took place and led to that day, 65 years ago.  Frodo believes that he was in the presence of the Man who has, indeed, come closest to the hand of God.  Despite the rantings of those who feel a calling to clarify what God said, it was this one Man who truly witnessed "the terrible swift sword," the ending, if you will, as opposed to the beginning. 

He works in his garden, in the town of Stone Mountain, Georgia.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:30 PM EDT
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Tuesday, August 3, 2010
He's a Rebel And He'll Never Be Any Good
Mood:  down
Topic: "If" (6)

Personal and professional adversity often drive the Hobbit to Rudyard Kipling.  Considering the solace offered by his counsel, Frodo wonders how Al Gore and John Kerry handle losing to, him.  Surely the tumult and the turpidity of those subsequent years weigh heavily as guilt for not winning.  Of course, John McCain may have similar feelings, and that inspires the following as purported historical events herein prognosticated had he, indeed, been elected President.

Sarah Palin would have been impeached within two years based on her indictment for accepting illegal campaign contributions and gifts of fine clothing from top designers, most notably Sam Walton.

Joe Lieberman would have become Vice President.

Barack Obama would sign a contract with the Miami Heat.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average on the final day of McCain's first term would achieve the yearly zenith of 134.68, up 7.44 for the day.

The planet Earth would suffer a schism upon the detonation of a nuclear device on the floor of the Gulf of Mexico.

Hillary Clinton would spend more than 47 months residing in the States of Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina.

Hamid Karzai would enter into an alliance with a Mexican Drug Cartel.

The cumulative assets of the former General Motors, Ford, and Chrysler organizations would be sold to the newly-pardoned investment firm run by Bernie Madoff.  The check would bounce.

The Departments of Education, Health & Human Services, Commerce, Transportation, Interior, and Labor would be combined into a single Cabinet-level (the acronym being ECHLIT) organization, employing 18 people and housed in their new headquarters in Blackwater Falls, Minnesota.

"Let's see," said Frodo, "how does it go?  Oh yes, . . .you keep your head, when those about you are losing theirs. . ." 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:17 PM EDT
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Saturday, July 31, 2010
She Don't Often Say What She Really Means
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Heeere's Johnny" (6)

On this, the last day of the seventh month beyond the commencement of the second decade of the twenty-first century, and the day on which Chelsea Clinton says "Bye Daddy," Frodo found himself in an evocative mood.  Over his morning coffee, he scanned the print edition of the news of the day, and discovered a happening he would not otherwise have imagined.  It seems that a Mr. John L. Carson of Atlanta passed away, and since his obituary highlighted his involvement in the founding of the Georgia Music Hall of Fame, Frodo decided to learn a little something about the man.  What follows is a direct quote from the obituary:  "In addition to his son, Carson is survived by a daughter, Cindy Donegan, a number of grandchildren, and his widow, to whom he was married for 57 years, and who asked not to be named. . ."


Frodo decided to pay even closer attention to the article.

The burial it seems, is private.

His son, John Junior, is quoted as saying "I will always remember how as young children he took the role of 'Mr. Mom' while our mother worked at night." 

Aha.  So, maybe the unidentified widow of a 57-year marriage was a little peeved that she worked all night while Dad was strumming his 12-string?

Frodo also learned that the departed had raised more than $2 Million in order to fund the "Special Children's Christmas Fund" and "Children with AIDS" during his tenure as founder of the Atlanta Country Music Academy in order to further provide free music classes for aspiring singers (it should be noted that none of the successful graduates of the Academy were identified in the obituary).

Frodo concludes that some people, God bless 'em, are probably more interesting in death than they were in life.

Are you listening, Mr. Cheney? 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:54 PM EDT
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Monday, July 26, 2010
Young Man, Put Your Pride On the Shelf
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: "Serious,For A Change"(6)

The question becomes, would you want a 22-year-old from Oklahoma making life-and-death decisions that may impact on you and yours?  If Frodo were to stray from a serious topic, he would say that anybody dumb enough to live in the tornado capital of the entire fricking universe is not capable of either sound judgment or sane conduct.  Evidence to support such a conclusion is now public knowledge, thanks largely to someone who took the law into his own hands.

Frodo remembers the Berrigan Brothers and Daniel Elsberg with fondness for courage, and Frodo is grateful for the lives that they undoubtedly helped to save, on both sides of a terrible war.  What they did, that differs from the action taken by computer-savvy, self-appointed, vagabonds of justice, was to make public the intentional effort to deceive.  For an individual to make actual military engagement available for public scrutiny, while the activity between combatants continues, does portend a threat to the safety of American and Coalition forces.

That, dear reader, could be the kid who used to deliver your newspaper.  Or the young guy (or gal) who felt his country's call to help protect her from the insanity of the 9-11 murders.  It is not right, in a nation of 300 million people, for one to act in the fervor of conscience or righteous indignation, without taking full responsibility for the consequences of such independent action.  That is why we have elections.  That is why we have ascended to the pinnacle of civilization, despite the madness of our partisan feelings toward one another.

This young man is no different than the young Californian who joined al-Qaeda, and took up arms against his fellow citizens.  Frodo is confident that he does not act imprudently when he supports a call for swift justice and an interminable sentence under the law which binds us all. 

Now, Mr. President, your most devoted of supporters asks that you again consider both the costs and the objectives of what has become an illustrated lesson in both how one nation is built, and how another is threatened beyond repair.  It is time.  Time to come home.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:37 PM EDT
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Thursday, July 22, 2010
Come On People Now, Smile On Your Brother
Mood:  loud
Topic: "Girls Night Out" (6)

Frodo made a suggestion to another member of the Fellowship the other day, and was promptly notified that his ideas are just that, his.  Frankly, Frodo had been hoping to entice a dialogue about the changing faces, and figures, of politics in America.  What better way to start than to get feminine input to commence the construction of verbs, nouns, and adjectives that will surely flow toward the male of any species who attempts to explain why women are responsible for the pending collapse of the American form of government?

Frodo also notes that it is hot outside, and that his exhausting week at Mount Doom is far from over.  That, dear reader, is his defense for not taking the time to document his findings, and thereby explain away the assault on his facts which is sure to follow.

100 years ago there weren't any women in politics.  Most women, it seems, were clad in garb resembling the tents today worn by those who fly in-and-out of Heathrow daily from Saudi Arabia in order to shop at Harrod's.  Frodo vaguely recalls that the first woman elected to the United States Senate, for example, was the widow of the incumbent from Arkansas who had the temerity to die in office without leaving a planned succession.  She, whose name escapes Frodo, as does nearly everything else he ever recalls about Arkansas, became the first of the "weaker" sex to win a direct election into that formerly august body.

When Frodo was much smaller, he recalls the name Margaret Chase Smith, from Maine, who was a Republican, but who, amazingly, seemed to have both a functioning mind and a beating heart (Frodo remembers a single long-stemmed rose lying across the Senate desk once used by John Fitzgerald Kennedy that awful day in November, long ago).  Today, to get  to the point after that little soiree back in time, there are two women, both directly elected to the Senate, who represent the State of Maine.  It is, almost, as if someone has discovered a way to clone the genetic code and produce politicians without any representation of sexual contact whatsoever.

A brief century has passed and now there are two, or is it three yet, female members of the Supreme Court.  The Speaker of the House for the first time is a female (although Frodo must confess that he has assigned an occasional reference to Newt Gingrich as a potential for exclusion from the military because of the existence of 'don't ask, don't tell').  Both Senators from California, one from Louisiana, one from Missouri, one from Washington, one from Minnesota, and two or three more up there in those States not necessarily important to Frodo's continuing dialogue, are also female.  Add in 'Congresspersons' from New York, California, Florida, Minnesota, and one or two from Tennessee, Texas, and assorted vagabond States, and one begins to wonder if the presence of testosterone isn't programmed into the 'death panels' wherein lie the remains of past representatives.

Now, let us consider the position of Guvnah.  After the infamous half-assed performance of Sarah Palin (Sleazebaggers please note that Frodo's reference is to the incumbent having served one-half of her elected term before getting bored or discovering that she would really have to read a book or do real work), Frodo has taken note of Arizona, South Carolina, Michigan, and New Hampshire, among others probably but, frankly, Frodo is getting a little bored himself.  Now (gasp) the reactionary homeland of Georgia has something named Karen Handel atilt with a windmill named Nathan Deal for the Republican nomination to replace the inimitable "Sonny" Perdue.

ASIDE:  Perdue bears an uncanny likeness to the character named "Curly" in the "Three Stooges," and Frodo cannot help but be reminded of "Larry" when he watches Handel parade about a podium.  The Lieutenant Governor, Casey Cagle, completes the triumvirate.

What Frodo truly fears is that the girls all get together, and come on down (sounds vaguely like an old game show, doesn't it?) to help their "sister" overcome the evil Roy Barnes.  A damned "slumber party," no less.  Imagine Sarah in her nightie, and Michele fixing s'mores, while the feminine Maharajah of South Carolina does her best to entertain a visitor from the Appalachian Trail who thought she would be spending a quality evening with the predecessor thereto.

Frodo has to back off an earlier comment whence he took a cheap shot at Arkansas.  True it is that Frodo never thought he would ever miss Wilbur Mills.  Ole Wilbur knew where women belonged, and he had his ways and means.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:27 PM EDT
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Monday, July 19, 2010
Nobody Knows Like Me
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Rules" (6)

Amid his bureaucracy phase, Frodo often joined with his comrades in a mockery of the world in which they lived.  The Harvard Law of Behavior, for example, was often used to describe their joint efforts to make life better for the American taxpayer ("Under carefully controlled laboratory conditions, human beings behave as they damn well please").  The Hobbit felt fully justified applying his considerable creative abilities to such a worthwhile task.  That explains, he supposes, his affinity for the the Newtonian Law of Government, which states that "Work expands to fill the time available for its conclusion."

All of this becomes particularly relevant now that the WASHINGTON POST has finally done something to make people remember that it is still published and delivered daily.  Frodo must admit that he misses Ben Bradlee and still gets chills when Hal Holbrook smokes a cigarette with Bob Redford while Dustin Hoffman follows the money.  When the POST gets something right, it really gets it right, and today, Frodo is cheering for his old friend.

Frodo has referred to the Department of Homeland Obscurity with disdain since first the megalith was dumped on the taxpaying public by the dynamic duo of Cheney and Bush, or is that Abbott and Costello?  The largest civilian agency in the History of Man combined everything from the Secret Service to the Federal Emergency Management folks into a plethora of unrelated, uncontrolled, bells, whistles, and quarterly reports on progress toward equal employment opportunity.  Each report was, of course, first addressed to an Assistant Regional Director under the aegis of the Interim Assistant Commissioner for Operations.  Frodo knows, because he was one, an Assistant Program Manager, on detail from his permanent responsibility as a District Director.

What that means is that Frodo could catch a bus home at 3:30 and nobody would miss him.

Imagine, if you will, what it must be like to take the wisdom of the "9-11 Commission," and produce an intelligence function that makes the word "redundancy" seem almost as pithy as the word "transparency?"  People actually get paid for dreaming up these words, and then devoting their entire work effort to their implementation in manuals and transmittals which no one ever reads, ahead of time.  This obfuscation of responsibility was exactly what Cheney and Bush produced, despite their assertions to the contrary.  The WASHINGTON POST came out in print today with its study of the ineffectiveness of the American Intelligence effort, which had taken them two years to conclude that we are less safe now, simply because we have an unbridled monster collating, but not integrating.

Frodo was hopeful when Lawrence O'Donnell interviewed Richard Clark, who has become the Master of "I Told You So."  Cark, however, seems to have gone over to the Dark Side, because he recommends an "Independent Commission" to cut through the fat and streamline the effort. 


Frodo remembers the other homily which guided him in his passage through the endless hallways to the third "morning meeting."  If he recalls close enough, it seemed to whisper "This, too, shall pass."



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:35 PM EDT
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Sunday, July 18, 2010
Tomorrow May Rain So I'll Follow The Sun
Mood:  lucky
Topic: "Allah Be Praised" (5)

Two notes of Explanation:

Farid Tan is from Singapore, and he is the President of a Bank.  Farid and Frodo became acquainted during the course of business, and maintain an easygoing, but respectful dialogue.  Farid is a Muslim, and he prays five times each day.  If he has one personal goal, it would be to own a franchise of Starbuck's.

Bilbo is dying.  She who begat Frodo requires oxygen twenty-four hours per day, every day.  The demand approaches its zenith, and that which would follow for the sake of sheer survival would involve a ventilator.  Bilbo has formally requested that such a course of action not be taken.  Somewhere in the span of one-to-six months, the presence of carbon dioxide in her system will be dominant, and she will decline, rapidly.  Until that time, she will probably fall under hospice care in her assisted living residence.  Frodo and Sam are nearby, and Bilbo enjoys three meals per day, the gallant Braves on her black-and-white, and telephone calls from people she will not see again, as far as we know.

"Mr. Frodo, this is Farid.  How is your Mom?"

"She is 92 years old, so each and every day is an adventure.  Thank you for asking, for she is doing as well as we could expect, if not more."

"We do what we must do.  Do we not?"

"Indeed, we do."

"I will remember her in my prayers this afternoon, and in the days that follow."

"Thank you.  She will be very pleased to hear that.  I don't believe that a prayer to Allah in her name is something which she has known before.  It will be a fine gift."

"Do not worry about our business needs.  They will be here for us at another time."

"Thank you."

"Salaam Alaikam Mr. Frodo, and Bilbo."

"Salaam Alaikam Mr. Tan." 


Middle Earth is a wondrous place.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 4:58 PM EDT
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