Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Sunday, May 19, 2013

I'm Out of Touch
Mood:

caffeinated
Topic: "The Great Quixote" (9)

Frodo has always wondered if others think about being "out of step." Occasionally, he will hear someone disparage something or someone he particularly admires, and that doesn't bother him nearly as much as someone giving "rock star status" to something or someone that Frodo can't fathom. Frodo has written previously about "Don Quixote," and he has assumed that the cultural differences therein are the reason he believes this to be among the most boring books ever published. It does not however, explain the fact that he ranks "The Great Gatsby" similarly. In fact, only "Silas Marner"amongst all of English literature brings back horrific memories beyond those presented to Frodo by F.Scott Fitzgerald.

In recent days, science has reversed itself when the "happiness" and "self-satisfaction" considerations of the wealthy are put under the microscope. Until now, we have been lead to believe that "money can't buy happiness." Frodo has always questioned said principle, and is somewhat elated to find that science now supports his opinion (rare as that may be). This explains, at least in the mind of Frodo, that the ever-widening gap between rich and poor is probably nothing more than evasive propaganda emanating from those who have it, and don't wish to explain why they want to keep it. It also allows Frodo a little slack when he draws up a plan to distribute to the deserving his anticipated winnings in the Power Ball each and every time he plays.

Money is good. Money is something that one earns and uses to purchase needs and wants. Obviously, satisfying one's needs is paramount.

Perhaps that is why Frodo found such inspiration in "The Grapes of Wrath;" the struggle of hard-working people is to be admired. It may explain also why the Hobbit was unable to identify with the dry martini lifestyle featured in Gatsby. Robert Redford will always be "The Sundance Kid," and the new guys in the new movie release have captured nothing revolutionary in Frodo's opinion of Mitt Romney.

Frodo's point isn't really so nebulous. Rich people, for the most part, do suck, and the books they write about themselves have chapters too long for bathroom exposition.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:48 PM EDT

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Saturday, May 18, 2013

I've been Hurt, Hurt, Hurt, 'Cause You Cheated On Me
Mood:

accident prone
Topic: "Hopalong Frodo"(9)

In his fifteenth year, Frodo made an ill-advised maneuver upon the sands. His knee turned abnormally and the resultant swelling locked his leg in place for many days. Frodo was reminded of that old injury lo these many years past when the slightest twist brought about an inability to manage the simplest of motor skills. Frodo's chagrin has been matched by the watchful care provided by Sam, and frustration in the activities of Dandy and Tess. "What use," they think, "is a Hobbit who cannot walk, much less run?"

The unfortunate injury, not unlike the silver lining upon the clouds blowing past his window to the wind, provides Frodo with an opportunity to catch up on a number of internal assignments including this posting. The capacity to be outside is a driving force in the activities of the Hobbit, so this "catch up" time, although frustrating, offers him the appearance of organization.

Frodo also did a little research, resulting from the trivial television performance of the House Ways and Means Committee. William Loeb and Michael Dolan were names from Frodo's past which came to mind as he watched the public humiliation of Steven Miller, soon-to-be the Ex-Acting Commissioner of the Internal Revenue Service. "Billy" Loeb, as the highest ranking civil servant in that organization during the Nixon Administration, was the man who raised his middle finger to H.R. Haldeman and told him that he would not initiate investigations of any of the Presidential enemies list. He added that he would leave said meeting and go directly to the office of the Washington Post if necessary. Frodo discovered, as he had feared, that this very brave civil servant passed away in 2006, at the age of 94.

Mike Dolan works for KPMG in a very senior position. Serving as Acting Commissioner on more than one occasion, Mike endured the last major "scandal" involving the Internal Revenue Service during the early years of Ronald Reagan's tutelage. Mike began his Congressional Record testimony with the words "I'm Sorry." Mike knew that most of the assertions of poor service and harassment laid before him were basically false, but without the permission of the taxpayer to disclose the facts and circumstances of the case, it would be illegal for him to even acknowledge awareness of the cases at hand. Unsurprisingly, none of the ten or so complainants gave their permission to such a disclosure. Mike Dolan is the supreme example of "grin and bear it."

Watching that little twit from Kansas or that corpulent fool from Texas (aren't they all?) or the puddle-jumper from Pennsylvania each expend their five minutes of fame in ignorance of the facts while on CSpan, Frodo put his index finger down his throat and puked. Our nation, it seems, turns it's lonely eyes toward those unwilling to seek the truth. Frodo knows that this, too, shall pass, it's just a shame that it is at such cost.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:41 AM EDT

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Monday, May 6, 2013

Jim Dandy to The Rescue, Go Jim Dandy
Mood:

lazy
Topic: "Honey Dew List"(9)

Ever since his return to the Shire after the assault on Mount Doom, Frodo has met each challenging day with a plan for success. Until today, that is. It is unseasonably cold and rainy in almost all of Middle Earth, with the kleinstadt Seattle noted as the warmest spot in all the land. Frodo has been left with minor assignments that have been on the "to do" list for countless months, simply because their relative unimportance is exceeded only by the boredom they generate. Frodo has been saved the humility of a "lost day" only by the similar level of boredom achieved by the largest of his Shire residential assistants.

Dandy is a mountain dog. He is happiest when he establishes himself in a pastoral mode atop the highest hilltop, boulder, or pinic table. From such a position of paramount presence he is able to observe the slightest movement by enemy combatants, wolves, squirrels, or Mr. Beau Neau McKitty. He will retreat to a lower level when in pursuit or whenever Tess forays too close to his perch. Should none of these responsibilities occur within a reasonable amount of time, he will seek out friend Frodo and nip him in the groin, thereby enlisting Frodo's participation in canine olympic trials.

While Dandy and Tess nap prior to the commencement of their favorite television show (cuddled up on the couch with Sam and "General Hospital"), Frodo is downloading his digital camera to his computer. Today, the task is photographs, forcing Frodo to make quality judgments about moments in time going back several months. Suddenly, Frodo remembered why he had relegated the tasks involved to such a low priority. There stood Mick, the Wonder Dog, in all his statuesque nobility, nose to the wind, one last time. Frodo's eyes grew misty, and he lingered long and breathless over the countenance of his old friend in what now seems a time so long past.

Just then Dandy entered the room in possession of "chewies" earlier distributed to both Dandy and Tess. Dandy made it clear that he wished to take all the valuables to the backyard of the Shire, and to surreptitously make mental notes of where he would relocate the entirety of treasure. Haste was indicated, especially since Tess was still napping.

"Yoicks, the fox," thought Frodo, as the two conspirators quietly tippy-toed through the basement and into the soggy landscape. Once their task was accomplished, Dandy looked up at his hero and he laughed, in the way that only a brigand can laugh, while making mischief. Every day it seems has its blessings, it's just that sometimes it takes a black heart in order to create a wry grin. Dandy and Frodo are well on the way to terrorizing the innocent whenever duty calls.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:53 PM EDT

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Thursday, May 2, 2013

Good Times Never Seemed So Good
Mood:

party time!
Topic: "Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)

In the land that used-to-be but never was, the Hobbit and the Fellowship learned that failure to impress best took place beneath the sun and upon the sand. The beach afforded them the opportunity to wash away their pain in the surf. Later they could stroll the boardwalk, and sneer at the tight little butts that continued walking, in the other direction. Eventually they'd split a six-pack of tall boys and consume English's Chicken boxes, each of which fed "10-12 hungry people."

Frodo thought about those immortal days of yesteryear while straining against the leashes of Dandy and Tess. Sam walked head down, in search of protective armor which once offered relative safety to indistinguishable living creatures. The empty vacation beaches are a marvel unto themselves, but Frodo actually thought he heard the Drifters talking about hot dogs and french fries, out of the sun. Rubbing his eyes he was startled by the long porch and the thousands of rocking chairs peopled by those who contentedly rocked hour upon hour in Frodo's memory.

How the Fellowship laughed at the thought of rocking the days away on the porch of the Plimhimmon. There were waves to catch, tans to develop, subs to consume, and girls everywhere. How droll they thought, that even a single moment would be spent in a wooden rocking chair in the shade no less. Never once did any think of the day that would inevitably come when they might actually seek one for themselves.

This would not be such a day for Frodo. The hotel disappeared in the mist, and Dandy found something gross upon which to roll, while Tess decided that it actually looked tasty. Sam added the thirty-fifth empty scallop shell to the collection, and Frodo looked out to sea.

From the park he could hear a carousel. He wished.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:26 PM EDT

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Friday, April 19, 2013

Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird is The Word
Mood:

accident prone
Topic: "Seems Like Yesterday"(9)

Repetitive old Frodo, thinking back amongst the halcyons when little Peeper first joined the Shire, setting the stage for the current representative of the avian democrats. Sydney was but six months old, and soon found himself as the tutee in all matters regarding fertility. Sad it was when Sydney eventually found himself all alone, except that is when it came to dinner time. He watches himself in a full-length mirror and eats whatever he wants whenever. Sydney is also subject to fits of screech that rival any chalkboard.

Tess, not unlike most Shire residents past and present, has been fascinated by the swooping cockatiel vaulting from cabinet top to the shoulder of the Hobbit and back again. Unsurprising it was that she finally nade contact with the target. Sam was quick to the scene, but age combined with shock bodes ill for the continuing good fortune of Frodo's friend from down under. He moves about his cage, and he squawks at the Hobbit from time to time, but he did not eat any this day, and his head appears to lean noticeably left. He has not tried to fly to familiar perches in Sam's kitchen.

It is hard to be angry with Tess. It is easier to write things off as the simple expectation of friends who come and go in each of our many lives. Sydney may look, and scream, like normal in the morrow, but his stay in the Shire is not endless no matter. Frodo will miss his calls to cousins who flit about the Shire in desperate search of the wealth that is Sydney's without effort. He has served his responsibilities well, and he actually smiles at Frodo whenever the Hobbit whistles his favorite tune, "Peeper, Peeper, Peeper."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:05 PM EDT

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Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Look At The Night, Now It Don't Seem So Lonely
Mood:

don't ask
Topic: "The Boston Massacre"(9)

Frank Shorter won a Gold Medal when he finished first in the marathon at the 1972 Olympics in Munich. He has often remarked about the horror he saw that first day when the ski-masks appeared on the balcony. Forty one years later, Frank Shorter ran in yesterday's marathon in the City of Boston. His first thoughts, as he relaxed just beyond the finish line, were "Oh no, not again." It is unlikely that anyone else in the entire world played such an active role in both events.

Frodo was close by when the 1996 Olympics yielded something more than the skills of Edwin Moses and the insanity of Eric Rudolph. Hawkeye Pierce and those who portray him for real performed admirably and ran to assist the really wounded, as if they really were dressed in fatigues and unloading choppers while "Suicide is Painless" accompanied their acts of heroism.

There it was, as Frank Shorter said, and young Martin Richard was declared dead by the young surgeon, only moments after hugging his favorite runner, at the finish line. Oh no. Hawkeye Pierce had to yield to Father Mulcahy, again.

It may be a long, long time before that which motivated the perpetrator is known. After all, Boston is the home of the real "Tea Party," and it was the 15th of April and our taxes were all due, and the Government of North Korea was celebrating, and the Saudis announced that they were authorizing women to drive motorcars, and the Governor and the President were both black. Surely, thinks one, that one or more of these arguments justify the end of small lives by small explosions.

The very first marathoner collapsed, and died, as he delivered the message that motivated the first 26.2 mile trek. Frodo has always thought that someone would have to be crazy to follow in those footsteps. Perhaps he has learned that the real craziness is in the throngs that watch, with nothing else to do, again. Henry Blake's lament lives for all time.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:53 PM EDT

Updated: Tuesday, April 16, 2013 10:57 PM EDT

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Saturday, April 13, 2013

I'm Your Puppet
Mood:

incredulous
Topic: "Tax Driver" (9)

Frodo once truly believed that state and local governments were preferable tools in legislative hands than those wielded by the federalists. He has amended his opinion upon reflection. The examples he cites require minimal explanation, to wit.

From his earliest memories, Frodo has always been aware of the privileges available to diplomats in a foreign land. As long as he can remember, Frodo has known that thousands of unpaid parking tickets are amassed annually in places like Washington, New York, and Missoula, Montana. All of that, of course, is to guarantee ready access so that misunderstandings are minimized and prompt action can be taken as necessary in resolution of potential conflicts. These privileges, rankling as they may be to locals, are universal in application and therefore not a major problem, usually.

Fulton County, Georgia, houses one of five Indian Consulates in the State of Georgia. Note that Frodo uses the word "houses" reflecting that the question of ownership is at the crux of the issue under discussion herein (the diplomatic terminology is anticipated). Thirty days after the Indian Government moved into the newest of its consulates, they received an invoice for unpaid property taxes from Fulton County.. Thirty days thereafter, the property was sold. The Indian Government, as one might imagine, is claiming "diplomatic immunity."

Pakistani officials are laughing their asses off.

Carnival Cruise Lines has suffered quite a number of operational failures over the past many months. On more than one occasion, the US Coast Guard or other agency have been called upon to assist in the rescue of its citizenry drifting aimlessly, with out plumbing, in transient waters. The Coast Guard has invoiced Carnival Cruise Lines for services rendered. Carnival has responded that it was the duty of the US Coast Guard to respond in keeping with hundreds of years of maritime law. Indirectly, the response being that the Coast Guard should not be looking for a check in the mail.

Frodo wonders just who is going to show up the next time the good folks at Carnival run aground, without working toilets.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:05 PM EDT

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Thursday, April 4, 2013

Has Anybody Here Seen My Old Friend
Mood:

quizzical
Topic: "Strip Searched" (9)

It was very quiet in the bus stop where male students gathered in the early morning hours for burgers and fries. An important man had died this day, representing one more loss on one more day when losses mounted beyond comprehension. Someone asked Frodo what it all meant, and what he felt would happen as a result of events this day.

Frodo said that Washington D.C. would burn. He hoped he was wrong, but he knew he wasn't. In the days that followed, Frodo's father was trapped within the confines of the building where he worked, unable to leave to go home, and not allowed to return. Eventually, he received a special pass allowing him to travel back-and-forth from his place of employment to home. Frodo wishes he had saved that pass, for it would be a marker in history we all, sadly, would like to forget.

The murderer escaped that day and was on the run for many days. When captured, he was extradited to the land that would treat him as an innocent man, until it proved otherwise. This very day Frodo learned something not previously made public knowledge. James Earl Ray was strip-searched and the entire process was filmed, and aired for the first time just a few hours ago. Frodo wasn't shocked by the nudity, he was stunned that nobody even knew of the existence of said data. Why, wonders Frodo?

What, Frodo asks, does it say to us, if not about us, that we keep secrets from one another? The suspicion that guides what we think about the integrity of our system is hurt more by information undisclosed than by all the ills wrought upon us by McCarthy, Hoover, Cheney, and Woodrow Wilson's personal physician.

How sad it is that, despite the suffering we have known, we accept the fact that our elected officials add content to legislation, anonymously. Other elected officials are authorized to prevent specific executive appointments for no stated reason. Potential evidence is hidden for generations or more, and no one asks why. Perhaps the fabled balance of power in our system is nothing more than lack of trust. If this is the case, then someone else's father will some day also require a special pass into our nation's capitol.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:38 PM EDT

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Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Blue on Blue, Now That We Are Through
Mood:

irritated

Former US Senator Howard Baker (R-TN) is probably best-remembered for his participation in the Watergate Hearings more than 35 years ago. His "What did the President know, and when did he know it?' is a phrase that will continues to live in infamy. During the same period in time, he was also quoted wishing that any of the Watergate participants had been elected to any political office at least once in their lives. The implication being, of course, that none would have acted so irresponsibly had they some measure of accountability to the general electorate. Frodo has been thinking about that quite a bit of late.

If Frodo were to ask, dear reader, you to identify the Republicant miscreant with the greatest responsibility for tax policy in all of Middle Earth, would you not likely respond with the name Grover Norquist?

Similarly, would you not identify Wayne LaPierre as he who comes first to mind when one considers the folly of gun legislation?

Rush Limbaugh has received on-air apologies from sitting members of Congress whenever he takes umbrage with something at variance from conservative dogma.

Ann Coulter has documented the electoral process in the Republicant Party beginning with a bypass of potential victory in order to nominate Mitt Romney, and to therefore lose.

Frodo's point is clear, at least to him, that nearly every strategic or operational political responsibility position therein is "manned" by an individual who has never run for any position in the public forum. To begin identifying political figurines beyond that group results in one more "wish list" candidate for 2016. Strange it is that names like Moynihan, Kennedy, Ervin, Rayburn, Mansfield, Eisenhower, Goldwater, Simpson, Jackson, and yes, even Baker are no longer the points fixe for policy and implementation.

With what we've got, it is clear that the loyal opposition should require what's left to receive remedial training.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:36 PM EDT

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Saturday, March 30, 2013

Monday, Monday Can't Trust That Day
Mood:

celebratory
Topic: "Good Friday It Was"(9)

Sometimes, cards dealt are the cards to play. On Good Friday, Frodo met another doctor, a nice man to be sure. Suggested by another, the new doctor deals in blood, and there were apparently some concerns therein. The decision being that Frodo would do nothing, but come back in three months. The new doctor said, simply, that he wanted to make sure that doing nothing is the right thing.

Frodo asked him if he were a Republican, and they laughed.

The "platelet count" seemed high to Frodos regular doctor. It seemed high to the new guy, also, but from a relative point of view, it was not a concern. Frodo felt a whole lot better, as did Sam. Instead of promising to never consume more than 4 ounces of spirits at a single setting, the Hobbit put a severe dent in a Jack Daniels namesake, saluting pure fate at every lapse in the toasting thereto.

The new doctor asked Frodo if he were a Republican. Frodo told him those were fighting words, and they laughed once again.

That evening Frodo ran his fingers across the pate of the noble Dandy, promising him that they would soon swim in the big water dish in the sky. They looked up to the stars, together, grateful that time was still on their side, and that Sam would be there when they came back to shore.

Dandy may not yet know what a Republican is, but he knows what he doesn't like.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:36 PM EDT

Updated: Saturday, March 30, 2013 8:40 PM EDT

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