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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
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"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
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"Play Melancholy Baby"
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"Poll Results Just In"
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"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
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"Promises to Keep"(9)
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"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
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"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
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"Quoth the Raven"(7)
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"Rocket Man" (5)
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"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
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"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
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"Selective Service"(8)
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"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
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"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
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"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
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"Six Days on the Road"
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"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
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"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Sunday, June 23, 2013
People Everywhere Just Want to be Free
Mood:  sharp
Topic: "Bottom Ten"(9)

Texas, it should be apparent to any who have ever read anything penned by the Hobbit, is the absolute worst place in the world.  Frodo believes that every resident inside the geographical boundary thereof is either brain dead or absent the resources to depart.  The facts involved caused Frodo to muse over the other states that have absolutely no appeal to the Hobbit.  So, for the record, and with apologies to the people trapped within these borders through no fault of their own, the next nine follow.

Oklahoma, Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas, South Carolina, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, and Utah arguably complete the "Bottom Ten" list headed, of course, by Texas.  There are other states of dubious distinction, Arizona, West Virginia, Georgia, North Dakota, and Indiana which come readily to mind, but given the fact that 30% of Middle Earth has already been identified as individual toilet bowls, the Hobbit will halt here.

The Hobbit feels a certain obligation to provide a sense of scope to these ratings.  Note that any state absent either mountains or a seashore is automatically identified as unfit for Hobbit habitation.  The "Tea Party," the Mormon Church, the Southern Baptist Convention, Newt Gingrich, and the Koch Brothers are also institutions needing "institutionalization" as opposed to the presence of the Hobbit.

Despite the just, plain evil that exists in this list, no one, no where, can compare to the land that gave us George W. Bush, Rick Perry, Jerry Jones, John Connolly, Willie Gomert, Sam Stockman, and a trailing entourage beyond description.  Let it simply be said that it is always a good day on the outside of these terrible places and the people who stay there.    

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:22 AM EDT
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Thursday, June 13, 2013
I Hear You Knocking, But You Can't Come In
Mood:  bright
Topic: "Snowed-in"(9)

Frodo has advocated, from time-to-time, that there is no problem confronting the citizens of Middle Earth which is, in-and-of-itself, unique.  From natural disasters to despotism, from scientific discoveries to the plague there are no new problems, only a changing capacity to respond.  With this thought in mind, Frodo has marveled at the discourse concerning the contract employee formerly directed by Booz, Allen & Hamilton who has admitted to violating the top secret security clearance issued to him by the National Security Agency.  Most interesting has been the variance between those who believe the young man has committed treason, and those who applaud him for disclosures which seemingly protect the national right to privacy.

Recognizing that his life has changed forever, the young man has set upon the task of finding himself a new homeland.  Communicating from Hong Kong, and its proximity to the Chinese mainland, gives an automatic direction toward those hackers/hackees who recognize the value of data mining in the face of one's major economic opponent.  At the same time, our subject himself suggested other possible ports in his personal storm including, of all places, Iceland.

Frodo remembered from his past voyages in that part of Middle Earth that said suggestion is particularly appropriate.  The USAF base at Keflavik has long been a presence of protection and rescue services for this NATO ally.  Said factoid would make it a remote possibility that the Icelandic government would grant sanctuary to one sought by the most powerful nation on our small blue planet.  However, the truth is that Iceland has a proud history of dealing with individuals, be they undesirables or merely of questionable morality.  It is obvious that our violator may not know of what Frodo speaks.

There is no capital punishment in Iceland.  What they do is take an individual out into the very middle of this barren landscape, and leave him.  No one has ever returned.

Mr. Snowden's "genius" in information technology would be put to the max.  Unfortunately the "Escape" button would be frozen, as would he.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:56 PM EDT
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Sunday, June 9, 2013
What The World Needs Now
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "Sunday, Sunday"(9)

Frodo has purchased a new motorcar.  There is no pleasure greater than the flawless performance of something new and sleek, that smells good and draws the attention of friends and neighbors.  Unless, of course, one fails to eliminate winning the Power Ball from consideration.

Frodo has had many new (and some not-so-new) cars, but there is something different about this time, and it relates to the ever-changing technology which either adds to our freedom, or detracts from it, neither of which provide an encompassing response thereto.  Frodo was particularly attracted to the sun roof, which stretches all atop the vehicle, but in typical Frodo historiography, he began to push buttons before reading the instructions.  The ominous color and passing of clouds forced the need for Frodo to halt progress, and to enlist Sam into the fray.

As the Hobbits ventured further afield, they noted that the motorcar was not evidencing any leaks at all amid the downpour which followed them into the parking lot of the retail establishment.  Frodo was grateful.  They found neither was familiar with exactly how one not only turned the wiper, the air conditioning, and the radio off, but they were mutually unable to halt the engine itself.  Frodo felt like an inauspicious fool until noting the same occurrence in two or three other cars in the same parking lot.  Evidence, he supposes, that the economy is performing far better than alleged by Mitt Romney or John Boehner.

Frodo's new car does not have a key.  Instead he has a "bauble" which he carries in a pocket so that it can communicate with the locking system to disengage whenever Frodo ventures near the parked motorcar.  It is supposed to work thus in reverse, but Frodo was unable to verify that new feature upon his return to the parking lot.  Short of an emergency call to the dealership, Frodo found a secondary path and followed necessary instructions.

Sam was able to get the "media system" up and running.  It is filled however with celtic and highland claptrap, all of which draws Frodo away from true American musical artistry.  Frodo will learn how to override in the immediate future.

There is a television camera arears which, it need be added, was a primary attraction to the increasingly stiff-necked Hobbit who found this as an alternative to spinal dexterity lost moons ago.  Now Frodo can concentrate on the camera playback on his dashboard, and manuver in reverse without dimembering small children or fauna alongside the driveway.  Unfortunately, Frodo has already learned that concentrating on the dashboard discourages attention paid to the road ahead.  Sam's heart is in tatters already.

Frodo's father had amazing mechanical skills, but he was terribly close-minded to technology, having stated on numerous occasions that such devices were merely "one more thing to go wrong."  Frodo wonders what he would have thought of a "bluelink" telephone which completes calls without any charges for long distance.  In truth, he would probably have identified it as a "communist tool" somehow enriching Standard Oil of New Jersey.

Frodo's father would also have objected to the national origin of the automaker.  But that remains for another story, on another day.  Until then, one may find Frodo, pushing buttons, and wondering why he can't get the frost off the windshield.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:07 PM EDT
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Sunday, June 2, 2013
Does Anybody Really Know What Time It IS?
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Power Surge"(9)

Frodo was unsettled by the message from an old friend, telling him that her son didn't think that the struggle for civil rights was "all that bad."  Surely, there was no need for a brain surgeon or a rocket scientist to get involved in a debate that reflected ideological bigotry at the expense of human progress.  It was the rumble of thunder in the distance that brought the Hobbit to a halt, and seemingly made him remember that he was supposed to be limping on gimpy knees.

It does not seem that long ago when there was no water in the Shire.  Frodo was prevented from washing his motorcar or bringing relief to the scorched flora therein.  Now, however, it rains every day, tornadoes cast a scythe across the plains, temperatures rise with the stock markets, and fall, similarly, without explanation.  The only constant is the trembling of canine companions at the foot of Frodo, looking for him to bring a halt to the insanity.  Frodo, alas, has no answers to questions so basic, and still it rains.

For many days Frodo dreamed of a time when multiple targets at the end of an open road would beckon to receive the Hobbits and their companions.  When the great water dish in the sky grew too cold, the beaches would beckon, then a balance would be struck whenever the gardens of the Shire required Frodo's guiding hand.  How foolish was the Hobbit, for none of honor can retreat from the libertarian and the reactionary who avoid the simplest of truths, in the name of money and/or power.  Joseph McCarthy did not die, he was genetically re-tooled.

Frodo will do better.  He will speak louder.  He will send money.  He will not suffer in silence listening to the prattle of those children who worship amid the flies on the head of a pig.  Others should do the same. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:07 PM EDT
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Thursday, May 23, 2013
Down the Mississippi, Down to New Orleans
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "Promises to Keep"(9)

He sat by his Mother's bed, as he told Frodo, and shortly before she passed asked him to promise her that he would enter the priesthood.  Frodo did not comment, he knew this was not the goal his friend had set for himself.  Perhaps that is why the two Hobbits moved on with their lives, never the twain to cross again.  Frodo, now much older, is indeed wiser, and he has directly avoided similar circumstances in his dealings with people who ask for promises.

Bilbo was a master of the harangue.  As the end time grew closer and closer, Bilbo repeatedly sought his committment to make sibling peace.  Frodo had no intention of so doing, at least while Bilbo lived, for Bilbo was much the reason that the next generation collapsed.  Despite best efforts subsequently, peace was "the next gale that sweeps from the North . . . bring the clash of resounding arms" and the conflict endures.  It may have been the first, but it was certainly not the last.

Frodo was fooled by one he thought a friend, but that did not stop him from finally making a death-bed promise.  His loyalty and affection for the now departed's spouse erased the treachery of one who was prepared to ask a favor.  Frodo took the initiative however, without disclosing his knowledge of the actions so characteristic of the renegade.  Before the words were stated, Frodo said, "I will take care of her, and see that she is safe."  He responded back with relief and a smile, and the back slap which Frodo knew signaled only his relief, and not a scintilla of affection.

Today, the fortress is strong.  Safety, security, and the turning of a page to new levels of excitement and mental ingenuity are in her possession.  It was an overlong and overdrawn process, clear to Frodo at the very beginning, but obstructed by those with barely half enough information.  Frodo is sure that the source of the initial promise is pleased, but Frodo knows that he is now cleared for his final trial, most probably in the Seventh Circle (or in the Republican Caucus of the House of Representatives).  Now Frodo can go fishing with Sam, and never think of that prick again.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:08 PM EDT
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Sunday, May 19, 2013
I'm Out of Touch
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "The Great Quixote" (9)

Frodo has always wondered if others think about being "out of step."  Occasionally, he will hear someone disparage something or someone he particularly admires, and that doesn't bother him nearly as much as someone giving "rock star status" to something or someone that Frodo can't fathom.  Frodo has written previously about "Don Quixote," and he has assumed that the cultural differences therein are the reason he believes this to be among the most boring books ever published.  It does not however, explain the fact that he ranks "The Great Gatsby" similarly.  In fact, only "Silas Marner"amongst all of English literature brings back horrific memories beyond those presented to Frodo by F.Scott Fitzgerald.

In recent days, science has reversed itself when the "happiness" and "self-satisfaction" considerations of the wealthy are put under the microscope.  Until now, we have been lead to believe that "money can't buy happiness."  Frodo has always questioned said principle, and is somewhat elated to find that science now supports his opinion (rare as that may be).  This explains, at least in the mind of Frodo, that the ever-widening gap between rich and poor is probably nothing more than evasive propaganda emanating from those who have it, and don't wish to explain why they want to keep it.  It also allows Frodo a little slack when he draws up a plan to distribute to the deserving his anticipated winnings in the Power Ball each and every time he plays.

Money is good.  Money is something that one earns and uses to purchase needs and wants.  Obviously, satisfying one's needs is paramount.

Perhaps that is why Frodo found such inspiration in "The Grapes of Wrath;" the struggle of hard-working people is to be admired.  It may explain also why the Hobbit was unable to identify with the dry martini lifestyle featured in Gatsby.  Robert Redford will always be "The Sundance Kid," and the new guys in the new movie release have captured nothing revolutionary in Frodo's opinion of Mitt Romney.

Frodo's point isn't really so nebulous.  Rich people, for the most part, do suck, and the books they write about themselves have chapters too long for bathroom exposition.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:48 PM EDT
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Saturday, May 18, 2013
I've been Hurt, Hurt, Hurt, 'Cause You Cheated On Me
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Hopalong Frodo"(9)

In his fifteenth year, Frodo made an ill-advised maneuver upon the sands.  His knee turned abnormally and the resultant swelling locked his leg in place for many days.  Frodo was reminded of that old injury lo these many years past when the slightest twist brought about an inability to manage the simplest of motor skills.  Frodo's chagrin has been matched by the watchful care provided by Sam, and frustration in the activities of Dandy and Tess.  "What use," they think, "is a Hobbit who cannot walk, much less run?"

The unfortunate injury, not unlike the silver lining upon the clouds blowing past his window to the wind, provides Frodo with an opportunity to catch up on a number of internal assignments including this posting.  The capacity to be outside is a driving force in the activities of the Hobbit, so this "catch up" time, although frustrating, offers him the appearance of organization.

Frodo also did a little research, resulting from the trivial television performance of the House Ways and Means Committee.  William Loeb and Michael Dolan were names from Frodo's past which came to mind as he watched the public humiliation of Steven Miller, soon-to-be the Ex-Acting Commissioner of the Internal Revenue Service.  "Billy" Loeb, as the highest ranking civil servant in that organization during the Nixon Administration, was the man who raised his middle finger to H.R. Haldeman and told him that he would not initiate investigations of any of the Presidential enemies list.  He added that he would leave said meeting and go directly to the office of the Washington Post if necessary.  Frodo discovered, as he had feared, that this very brave civil servant passed away in 2006, at the age of 94.

Mike Dolan works for KPMG in a very senior position.  Serving as Acting Commissioner on more than one occasion, Mike endured the last major "scandal" involving the Internal Revenue Service during the early years of Ronald Reagan's tutelage.   Mike began his Congressional Record testimony with the words "I'm Sorry."  Mike knew that most of the assertions of poor service and harassment laid before him were basically false, but without the permission of the taxpayer to disclose the facts and circumstances of the case, it would be illegal for him to even acknowledge awareness of the cases at hand.  Unsurprisingly, none of the ten or so complainants gave their permission to such a disclosure.  Mike Dolan is the supreme example of "grin and bear it."

Watching that little twit from Kansas or that corpulent fool from Texas (aren't they all?) or the puddle-jumper from Pennsylvania each expend their five minutes of fame in ignorance of the facts while on CSpan, Frodo put his index finger down his throat and puked.  Our nation, it seems, turns it's lonely eyes toward those unwilling to seek the truth.  Frodo knows that this, too, shall pass, it's just a shame that it is at such cost.



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:41 AM EDT
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Monday, May 6, 2013
Jim Dandy to The Rescue, Go Jim Dandy
Mood:  lazy
Topic: "Honey Dew List"(9)

Ever since his return to the Shire after the assault on Mount Doom, Frodo has met each challenging day with a plan for success.  Until today, that is.  It is unseasonably cold and rainy in almost all of Middle Earth, with the kleinstadt Seattle noted as the warmest spot in all the land.  Frodo has been left with minor assignments that have been on the "to do" list for countless months, simply because their relative unimportance is exceeded only by the boredom they generate.  Frodo has been saved the humility of a "lost day" only by the similar level of boredom achieved by the largest of his Shire residential assistants.

Dandy is a mountain dog.  He is happiest when he establishes himself in a pastoral mode atop the highest hilltop, boulder, or pinic table.  From such a position of paramount presence he is able to observe the slightest movement by enemy combatants, wolves, squirrels, or Mr. Beau Neau McKitty.  He will retreat to a lower level when in pursuit or whenever Tess forays too close to his perch.  Should none of these responsibilities occur within a reasonable amount of time, he will seek out friend Frodo and nip him in the groin, thereby enlisting Frodo's participation in canine olympic trials.

While Dandy and Tess nap prior to the commencement of their favorite television show (cuddled up on the couch with Sam and "General Hospital"), Frodo is downloading his digital camera to his computer.  Today, the task is photographs, forcing Frodo to make quality judgments about moments in time going back several months.  Suddenly, Frodo remembered why he had relegated the tasks involved to such a low priority.  There stood Mick, the Wonder Dog, in all his statuesque nobility, nose to the wind, one last time.  Frodo's eyes grew misty, and he lingered long and breathless over the countenance of his old friend in what now seems a time so long past.

Just then Dandy entered the room in possession of "chewies" earlier distributed to both Dandy and Tess.  Dandy made it clear that he wished to take all the valuables to the backyard of the Shire, and to surreptitously make mental notes of where he would relocate the entirety of treasure.  Haste was indicated, especially since Tess was still napping.

"Yoicks, the fox," thought Frodo, as the two conspirators quietly tippy-toed through the basement and into the soggy landscape.  Once their task was accomplished, Dandy looked up at his hero and he laughed, in the way that only a brigand can laugh, while making mischief.  Every day it seems has its blessings, it's just that sometimes it takes a black heart in order to create a wry grin.  Dandy and Frodo are well on the way to terrorizing the innocent whenever duty calls. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:53 PM EDT
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Thursday, May 2, 2013
Good Times Never Seemed So Good
Mood:  party time!
Topic: "Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)

In the land that used-to-be but never was, the Hobbit and the Fellowship learned that failure to impress best took place beneath the sun and upon the sand.  The beach afforded them the opportunity to wash away their pain in the surf.  Later they could stroll the boardwalk, and sneer at the tight little butts that continued walking, in the other direction.  Eventually they'd split a six-pack of tall boys and consume English's Chicken boxes, each of which fed "10-12 hungry people."

Frodo thought about those immortal days of yesteryear while straining against the leashes of Dandy and Tess.  Sam walked head down, in search of protective armor which once offered relative safety to indistinguishable living creatures.  The empty vacation beaches are a marvel unto themselves, but Frodo actually thought he heard the Drifters talking about hot dogs and french fries, out of the sun.  Rubbing his eyes he was startled by the long porch and the thousands of rocking chairs peopled by those who contentedly rocked hour upon hour in Frodo's memory. 

How the Fellowship laughed at the thought of rocking the days away on the porch of the Plimhimmon.  There were waves to catch, tans to develop, subs to consume, and girls everywhere.  How droll they thought, that even a single moment would be spent in a wooden rocking chair in the shade no less.  Never once did any think of the day that would inevitably come when they might actually seek one for themselves.

This would not be such a day for Frodo.  The hotel disappeared in the mist, and Dandy found something gross upon which to roll, while Tess decided that it actually looked tasty.  Sam added the thirty-fifth empty scallop shell to the collection, and Frodo looked out to sea.

From the park he could hear a carousel.  He wished. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:26 PM EDT
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Friday, April 19, 2013
Bird, Bird, Bird, Bird is The Word
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Seems Like Yesterday"(9)

Repetitive old Frodo, thinking back amongst the halcyons when little Peeper first joined the Shire, setting the stage for the current representative of the avian democrats.  Sydney was but six months old, and soon found himself as the tutee in all matters regarding fertility.  Sad it was when Sydney eventually found himself all alone, except that is when it came to dinner time.  He watches himself in a full-length mirror and eats whatever he wants whenever.  Sydney is also subject to fits of screech that rival any chalkboard.

Tess, not unlike most Shire residents past and present, has been fascinated by the swooping cockatiel vaulting from cabinet top to the shoulder of the Hobbit and back again.  Unsurprising it was that she finally nade contact with the target.  Sam was quick to the scene, but age combined with shock bodes ill for the continuing good fortune of Frodo's friend from down under.  He moves about his cage, and he squawks at the Hobbit from time to time, but he did not eat any this day, and his head appears to lean noticeably left.  He has not tried to fly to familiar perches in Sam's kitchen.

It is hard to be angry with Tess.  It is easier to write things off as the simple expectation of friends who come and go in each of our many lives.  Sydney may look, and scream, like normal in the morrow, but his stay in the Shire is not endless no matter.  Frodo will miss his calls to cousins who flit about the Shire in desperate search of the wealth that is Sydney's without effort.  He has served his responsibilities well, and he actually smiles at Frodo whenever the Hobbit whistles his favorite tune, "Peeper, Peeper, Peeper." 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:05 PM EDT
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