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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
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"Obama Doctrine" (5)
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"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
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"Pat bin Laden"
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"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
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"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
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"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
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"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Politics-PulleyTicks"(8)
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
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"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"PPSI?"
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
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"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
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"Promises to Keep"(9)
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"Proud Walter" (5)
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"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
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"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Quadrillions?"
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"Quayle Hunting"
"Que?"
"Queen of Memphis"
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"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
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"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
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"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
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"Rocket Man" (5)
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"Run, old hare!"
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"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
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"Sheep in Mindanao?"
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"Social Security" (7)
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"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
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"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
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"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
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"Thar She Blows"
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"W is for Wuss""
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"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
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"Water into Wine?"
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"We Make a Better Day"(5)
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"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
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"Well, Duh!"
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"West Wing Redux" (2)
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"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
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"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
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"Who dat?" (2)
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"Who Torted?"
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"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Whopper"
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"Winchester Women (2)"
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"Winter Solstice"
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"Wither Weather"(9)
"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
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"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
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"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
MoveOn.org
The Return of the King
BarackObama.com
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Friday, March 2, 2007
My Dreams Aren't As Empty As My Conscience Seems To Be
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "Supportin' da Troops"(3)

Frodo sat in stunned silence as he watched the on-the-spot reports follow the first-person stories as they assembled  the insignificant life intermingled with the wasted lives, and introduced the general incompetence of the judicial, military, and civilian leaders.  The daily detritus was taking liquid form on Frodo's forehead.  Finally, when all the words that could be spoken had been, Frodo rose from his chair, turned slowly, and proceeded, step-by-step, toward the humming light fixture on his desk.  He called up the box marked "Favorites," and he pushed the key that brought "Google" to the surface.  He typed in the words "Walter Reed Base Closing Report," and pushed the key that demanded a response.

"Sam," said Frodo, "Let's suppose that your were the Commandant of the Walter Reed Army Medical Hospital when it was recommended, just a few short months ago, that the facility be closed, in order to save money.  Would you be hesitant to spend money to repair the plumbing, paint the walls, or even mow the lawn very often?"

"Hmm, I see where you're going with this.  You're making the point that the same geniuses who got us into the Pre-emptive War were the same ones responsible for the ramshackle facilities made available for out-patient care.  I guess my question is why it hadn't already been closed, along with most of the other bases recommended for closure in the same report?"

"Sam, I have no doubt that these 'geniuses', as you call them, were just as overwhelmed with the number of amputations, the neurological problems, the debilitating injuries, as they were by the insurgency itself in Iraq, and by the return of the Taliban in Afghanistan.  Now, in their defense, I truly believe that they did their best to get the best medical care and treatment possible for the influx of patients.  What galls me, however, is that Rupert Murdoch's minions from Faux News were also called in to show the Incomparable Moron pinning purple hearts onto the pillows of the wounded.  Time-and-again we would be reminded that the President was there 'all the time' to visit the troops and to thank them for their service."

"If he was there so much, I suppose you're asking, was that one room the only place he went?"

"Sam, I've been thinking about our last trip to Germany."

"Mr. Frodo, I've been thinking the same thing.  All the Germans we met assured us that they had no idea what was going on in those camps during World War II."

"Sam, do you know how far it is from Dachau to Munich?"

"How far?"

"About the same distance as it is from the Walter Reed Army Medical Hospital to the White House."   


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:16 PM EST
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Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Ya Got Mud On Your Face Ya Big Disgrace
Mood:  loud
Topic: "Nixon Agonistes" (3)

Donald Rumsfeld, Richard Cheney, Pat Buchanan, when they were young, all served on the White House Staff of Richard M. Nixon; and Frodo was naive enough to think that the damage that Nixon did to our nation ended with his death.  Buchanan subsequently became  the only one of the three to seek the highest office in the land.  Fortunately, the Convention of the American Independent Party, which nominated him, was only covered by the Comedy Channel.  Rumsfeld could easily have been nicknamed "Boomerang" since he spent the rest of his professional life reurning to serve the collection of Republican losers who have followed "Tricky Dick" into the White House.  Cheney remains, and periodically rises from the crypt to remind us all that anbody can become Vice President.

The Vice President of the United States has just returned from an important mission on the other side of the world.  Accompanied by one of the top spooks at the CIA, he dropped in on the military dictator currently manning the nuclear button in Pakistan.  Sitting down, mano-a-mano, the Veep explained, in no uncertain terms, that if the good General wanted to keep on receiving regular support payments from Uncle Sugar, he had better start doing something significant to curtail the "surge" of Taliban and al Qaeda performers passing into Afghanistan.  To dispell any claims of disbelief, the current "Tricky Dick" was armed with the Intel.

Unfortunately, as Frodo learned from an unimpeachable source, Mr. Musharraf did not share the Vice President's assessment of the situation.  Although Frodo had to rely on a translator, he was able to garner the substance of the Pakistani leader's response to Mr. Cheney.

"Mr Vice President, please place those intelligence reports someplace where the sun does not shine."

"In addition, Mr. Vice President, since there have been multiple attempts on my life by members of my military, my intelligence service, my fellow citizens, as well as by those who share my faith, it is quite possible that your theory about my half-baked attempts to stem the terrorist flood can be equated to the old adage which, I believe, goes like this: 'That dog don't hunt.'"

"Also, Mr. Vice President, your money is no good in Pakistan.  In fact, given the rather dismal balance of payments situation under your distinguished leadership, it goes without saying that the Yankee Dollar ain't what it used to be.  Perhaps you should consult with someone who has private industry experience with an organization that makes money by means other than sucking the government teat?"

"Finally, Mr. Vice President, I have it on good authority that every world power who has ever attempted to conquer the indigenous peoples of Wazeristan and the other tribal provinces on the Afghani-Pakistan border have had their heads handed back to them, on platters.  I suggest that if you think that will be my fate, you are sadly mistaken.  I also suggest that if you plan to take action yourself, you might suggest to Mr. Bush that you pack a lunch.  It is likely you will be there most all day."

Frodo was on the tarmac as Air Force Two lifted off.  He heard that Mr. Cheney told the Faux News reporter "embedded" with him on the mission that the talks had been "productive." 

Frodo wonders if the plane touched down at San Clemente.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:20 PM EST
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Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Now My Life Has Changed In Oh So Many Ways
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Terrible Two's" (2)
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring, commenced publication on February 28, 2005.

"A very, merry Unbirthday. . ."

"The Italian Stallion" is no more, and Frodo misses his friend with each passing shadow, and every meal that leaves a piece of ham, untouched, on his plate. "Frodo and Jesus" allowed Frodo to grieve at the funeral of Pvt. Jesus Fonseca, while George W. Bush opted not to attend, again. "Chingachgook Lives" took Frodo and Mick, the Wonder Dog, deep into places where good friends go, together. "We Will Rock You" nearly brought about an international incident when the male members of an obscure little English village took umbrage at Frodo's description of their set-to with the BBC. Many other titles conjured up factual events or Frodoian figments of imagination which this self-anointed, latter-day Samuel Clemens impersonator fetched from the cornices of a bizarre creative psyche.

At the end of the first year, Creedence Clearwater Revival took note of Frodo's passage. Here, at the end of the second year, the Beatles appropriately point out that the path before Frodo is obscured by the disappearance of independence in the haze. All of Middle Earth is threatened. The Ring remains under the control of those who have neither appreciation nor understanding of its' awesome power. Frodo's task is not complete.

The wood before us is yellow, and there are divergent paths. May we wisely choose. If we are fortunate enough, dear reader, to meet again on this day, may our hopes and our dreams unite in another song.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:19 PM EST
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Monday, February 26, 2007
I Guess You're Just What I Needed
Mood:  suave
Topic: "And the Winner Is" (2)

"Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Mr. Frodo, and tonight I will be hosting the 60th Annual Art History Awards.  That's right, tonight several truly gifted artists will be recognized for their achievements when they receive the prized 'Felix' to mark their place among their peers.  The Awards are voted upon by the members of the Academy, and the results tabulated by abacus before placement in a mayonnaise jar which is maintained on the front porch at Funk & Wagnalls'."

"Yes Mr. Frodo, and welcome to you and to each of our guests visiting us here at the Tower of Cirith Ungol," said Shelob, who eyed Frodo from her web.

"Well, let us not delay, for we have many awards, and the time available should be the property of the award winners.  May I have the first envelope please?"

"Mr Frodo, this first envelope recognizes the most outstanding performance by an artist in a free-standing environment," said Shelob.  "The nominees include Michelangelo, for the Sistine Chapel. . ."

"50 Cent, for the graffiti on the side of the A-Train in the New York City Subway and. . ."

"Wyland, for the Great Whales on urban buildings across America. . ."

"And the winner is. . .oh, I'm so nervous. . .Michelangelo, for the Sistine Chapel."

"Thank you Shelob, thank you Mr. Frodo.  Thank you to all the members of the Academy.  Most of all I'd like to thank God and to all the little people who offered me so much support during my time painting on the ceiling."

"Wasn't that thrilling Shelob?"

"Oh yes Mr. Frodo, I'd just love to have that magnificent work all over the chambers of my den."

"Well, what's next?"

"This award Mr. Frodo is for the Most Statuesque Presentation in Stone."

"The nominees are Michelangelo, for the David. . ."

"Rodin, for the Thinker and. . ."

"My Lin, for the Vietnam Veterans Memorial."

"And the winner is. . .Michelangelo. . .for the David. . .all 17 feet of him."

"Thank you, once again, to the Academy and to all of you, including my Mother, who was there for me when no one else was.  I owe you everything."

144 commercials, and seven hours later. . .

"Mr. Frodo, how did the 'Felix' get its' name?"

"Shelob, it is only fitting that the Academy recognize one of the truly great combinations of artistic performance by multiple character actors.  The 'Felix' is the perfect combination to the 'Oscar.'

"This brings us to the final award for this evening, I believe, doesn't it Mr. Frodo?"

"Indeed it does, Shelob, and this award is for lifetime achievement in the Arts by a multi-functional performer."

"The nominees are Michelangelo. . ."

"Leonardo da Vinci. . ."

"Pablo Picasso. . ."

"Tupac Shakur and. . ."

"John Lennon."

"And the winner is. . ."  

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:39 PM EST
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Sunday, February 25, 2007
You've Got to Walk That Lonesome Valley
Mood:  down
Topic: "Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
Captain Kenneth Hutnick, Company H, 121st Infantry, Georgia Army National Guard, is a business friend of Frodo. This week he kissed each of his three daughters and his wife good-bye as he returned to Iraq for his second tour of duty. Each of these four young ladies has a different perspective on why Ken is leaving them again. Frodo felt it was important to merely reiterate what he was told about each of them.

Katie is 5, she doesn't remember Dad's first deployment, and after hearing Dad's promise that he would be back to walk her to school on her first day, she accepted the fact that he was merely "going to work."

Erin is 2, and proving that there is nothing terrible about being young enough to be oblivious to the comings-and-goings of people who love you so much.

Ashlyn is 27 days old, and Ken has timed his furlough to be here at this time. He holds and holds and holds the little one until he has to turn and go.

Suzanne kissed her husband good-bye on the front porch of their home in Alpharetta. She watched her father-in-law drive her husband to the Subway station, and she turned back to manage the tasks which would be her sole responsibility for months to come.

Ken is a big fan of Major Dick Winters, the true-life hero of Easy Company (101st Airborne) immortalized in "Band of Brothers." He and his father, a two-tour Vietnam Vet, talk military banter on their drive together. When the car stops, Ken steps out and looks back long enough to say "I love you Dad." His father immediately responds, "If you're going to be like Dick Winters, remember that he came home."

Frodo and his friend Ken might disagree a great deal about almost everything associated with this Pre-emptive War, its' management, its' consequences; frankly, Frodo does not know, and it would make no difference to him if he did.

Ken Hutnick is a good man and a good daddy. If anything happens to him, it will be an unfathomable loss to us all. To Frodo, this damn war is not worth that. To Ken, leaving is merely the first step in coming home.





Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:04 PM EST
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Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Hold On Loosely, But Don't Let Go
Mood:  down
Topic: "Scooter" (2)
Mick, the Wonder Dog, has lost every vestige of patience with Scooter. Despite the innocent appearance and joyful expressions, his constant intrusions upon the peace and serenity of the Shire require a defensive posture. Aggression follows when there is an attempt to mark or otherwise infringe upon that which is the responsibility of the Wonder Dog. Frodo feels exactly the same way.

Scooter was a foster dog who wormed his way into the heart of Frodo's next-door neighbor, and erstwhile write-in candidate for Governor, Mr. Steve. Scooter is entirely peaceful, and maintains the bearing of one who is above the baser instincts of canine behavior. The creatures of the Shire, including Mr. Beau Neau, have taken delight in his presence, and have even found ways to mutually enjoy each others' company. That is, until Scooter decided that unannounced drop-in visits to Frodo's garage were appropriate. Adding to that, the occasional calling card proved to be more than Mick, the Wonder Dog, was prepared to ignore.

About the same time, the trial of "Scooter" Libby commenced in Washington, D.C. Frodo, in his zeal for justice, was often heard to scream something like "Fry the Snotty Bastard!" whenever mention was made of Libby on TV. Association, Frodo supposes, is what caused Mick, the Wonder Dog, to perhaps confuse the mention of the Cheney cloak-and-dagger bagman, with the unannounced presence of their next door neighbor. In any event, relations between the two canines has gone steadily downhill.

Now, Mick, the Wonder Dog, stands guard before his garage doors whenever Scooter strolls down the driveway. A slight snarl from his upper lip reveals a shiny set of canine molars prepared for action. A rumbling from deep in his thorax causes the most mild-mannered to take note of his displeasure. Scooter (the next door neighbor) heads toward another neighbor's yard, seeking relief. Scooter (the snotty bastard) had best be forewarned; enter the Shire at thy own peril. If a Hobbit doesn't kick your butt, then a Wonder Dog has his own methodology for making your memory improve.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:49 PM EST
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Tuesday, February 20, 2007
I Know It Sounds Absurd, Please Tell Me Who I Am
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Here Come da Judge" (2)
The NCAA has been making life very difficult for Colleges & Universities with team symbols and names which could be interpreted as demeaning, predominantly to Native Americans. The "Warriors," "Seminoles," "Chiefs," "Red Men," "Indians," and "Braves" are all team names for schools which the NCAA has threatened with sanctions and loss of scholarships if their use is continued. Frodo is not interested in matters such as this, simply because what is demeaning in some minds is flattery somewhere else. The best example being the Florida State "Seminoles," widely regarded among that tribe as a very positive image of an independent and determined people. What bothers Frodo however, is hypocrisy.

Dear reader, please consider for a moment the one position in the United States Government that is borne from the terminology used by Native American People. This one position is so highly regarded and recognized that the ultimate symbol of authority, by title, is cast upon the holder of that office. How can it be that in the instance of the United States Government it is okay to call someone by that title, but not okay for some college kid to be a member of a team bearing that title?

The answer is, to Frodo, that it is inconsistent. Frodo is therefore suggesting, nay, Frodo is demanding, that appropriate changes be made to that title so that all Americans are properly served and recognized. Degradation of people by adapting a title of honour and respect in the alien culture that destroyed their independence is arrogant and colonial. As it would be inappropriate to refer to the President of the United States as a Plantation Owner (even though there are distinct parallels), so it is in the instance identified by Frodo.

Figured it out, dear reader? If not, you'll understand why Roberts might be a little upset when Frodo starts calling him "Da Judge" and not "Chief".

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:07 PM EST
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Monday, February 19, 2007
There's an Old Piano And They Play It Hot Behind The Green Door
Mood:  chatty
Topic: "Citizen Soldiers" (2)
Stephen Ambrose wrote in "Citizen Soldiers," that the Germans and the British similarly replaced entire armies for rest. The Americans and the Red Army, he wrote, relied entirely on a system of replacements. By the time of the struggles in 1944-45, over fully half of all the front-line soldiers were individual replacements. The mixing of veteran and replacement in the same ranks became characteristic of the Americans, and spawned a plethora of new terminology and acronyms for the military; SNAFU and FNG come first to mind.

It must be recognized, specifically based on the review of these combat veterans, that there were flaws aplenty in the American methodology. It is not surprising that in today's military actions abroad, entire divisions come and go en masse between active duty and replenishment.

As stated many times, Frodo is not a soldier. Frodo, however, can't help but wonder, philosophically, if the demise of the "Citizen Soldier" of World War II has not proven to be a mistake. It goes without saying that the high cost of this Pre-Emptive War has fallen on the backs of relatively few families, and that an overwhelming number of Americans may not know anyone who has suffered the loss or injury of an immediate family-member. The unquestioned support of the homefront during World War II is not even on a comparable plane to the verbal exchange between those who "support" our troops, and those who "cut and run." Today, we have a lot less invested; all we expend is money. The ability of our "system" to adequately provide for and assist wounded veterans is, unbelievably, grossly, unacceptable. Frodo wonders if that would be the case if a few more Members of the recently-concluded 109th Congress had direct familial involvement.

When the Vietnam War was over, and the Selective Service mechanism was disbanded, Frodo rejoiced. The conflict between those who are soldiers, and those who are not, it seemed, would be forever resolved in Middle Earth. Soldiers would serve as they saw fit, Hobbits would be good citizens, and the Age of Aquarius was at hand.

Frodo was a fool.

Today, Frodo feels that the Draft should be re-instated, and that universal service should exist in the United States, as it does in Israel, in France, and in all those nations who recognize that War requires a total national investment, or it will become too inexpensive. If not, then passing references to activity outside the "Green Zone" will continue to be meaningless, and flights into Dover will increase exponentially.




Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:54 PM EST
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Sunday, February 18, 2007
A Little Bitty Tear Let Me Down, Spoiled My Act as a Clown
Mood:  smelly
Topic: "Nielsen Ratings" (2)
The partially mummified body of Vincenzo Ricardo, 70, of Hampton Bays, New York, was found in a chair in his living room. The chair was located in front of Mr. Ricardo's television set, which was still on, according to authorities with the Suffolk County Medical Examiner. Mr. Ricardo, said Dr. Stuart Dawson, had been dead more than a year. There was no clear evidence of foul play.

It should be noted that, once the television set was turned off, ratings for "The O'Reilly Factor," and Faux News, in general, dropped more than 50% in overnight ratings recorded by A.C. Neilsen. Frodo concludes that this verifies the "Olbermann Theory" that at least half of all regular viewers of the Rupert Murdoch productions are brain dead.

As the title of this submission reads, Frodo can't help but step back from the humor, and contemplate life for an old man, all alone, whose absence is not noted by anyone for over a year. In reality, there are probably a good number of Vincenzo Ricardo's out there, as there surely will be even more in days to come. It is much to think about. Perhaps Frodo will give Bilbo a call this evening; just to check in. Although Frodo is sure that Bilbo will not be watching Bill O'Reilly, there are many like him who rise the bile in otherwise healthy television viewers, and they may be unable to call for help.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 4:32 PM EST
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Saturday, February 17, 2007
There's Something in The Air Tonight
Mood:  energetic
Although spared his predicted snowfall, the Shire is bitterly cold as Frodo, Fiona, and Mick, the Wonder Dog, engage in their traditional soccer match on Saturday morning. It is one of those frozen moments, soundless, with no movement except for the red-shouldered hawk circling, silently. Grey skies overhead however do not sit for Frodo's mood, for yesterday was the day, that which offers hope and optimism; thoughts of blue skies and puffy summer clouds. Pitchers and catchers reported for Spring training. The gallant Braves begin their quest for the return to greatness.

On countless days such as this Frodo and Strider, or Frodo and Faramir, or Frodo and anyone who could catch-and-return, would gently lob the first Rawlings product of the coming season. The energy encapsulated by frozen ground would burst the rugged seams of adolesence, which could not be controlled by any gymnasium. To chase the ball at breakneck speed, with a blur of green beneath his feet, is a true life scenario captured first in print by McCammon in his definitive book, "A Boy's Life." To run fast enough that soon the land would separate from the churning limbs and Frodo would soar, higher and higher, into that which separates heaven from earth. To return only when the ball lands softly in the webbing, and the throw must be returned.

Mick, the Wonder Dog, now breathes puffs of vapor as he returns a tennis ball to the hand of his best friend. Eagerly, he anticipates another sprint to that canine land which separates reality from dreams. Frodo knows that ancient athletes are limited by the cold, and that the limp or soreness which begins this day may last for many weeks. That applies especially to Hobbits and Wonder Dogs.

There is however, a sudden sound not unlike that of bat meeting ball, and Frodo wonders if Chipper Jones may have just laced a line-drive through a drawn-in infield? Mick, the Wonder Dog, assumes it to be a rabbit rising from the brush.

A limb falls from an old pecan tree, and Fiona leads the way home. The once-athletes trudge, sullenly, to tasks requiring their attention, but not their dreams.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:35 AM EST
Updated: Monday, February 19, 2007 8:58 PM EST
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