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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"OkefenokeeArtichokee"(3)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
"One Down, More Comin'"
"One For the Good Guys"
"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
"Op-Ed"
"Opportunity Sox" (3)
"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
"Osama Can You See?" (2)
"Our God Is Better" (3)
"Our Town" (5)
"Our Town" (8)
"Out Damned Spot (2)"
"Out of Kilter" (5)
"Out of the Ashes" (4)
"Overdue Books" (3)
"Pace Car" (3)
"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
"Passion Flowers" (5)
"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
"Patsy for America"
"Peaceful Easy Feelin"(3)
"Peacetakescourage" (3)
"Permanent Vacation" (5)
"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Politics-PulleyTicks"(8)
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"PPSI?"
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
"Problems?" (4)
"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
"Punxatawney Bush"
"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Quadrillions?"
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Que?"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Revoltin'Development"(5)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"RNC--2036"(8)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"RSVP"
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
"Rumblin' Bumblin'" (3)
"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
"Sauron Psalms" (2)
"Sauron's Scythe" (4)
"Savin' Gas" (4)
"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
"Scooter" (2)
"Scott Free" (4)
"Sears and Loveaduck" (5)
"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
"Serendipity Strikes" (3)
"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Simba"(8)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
"Skull and Bones"(4)
"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
"Smellin' Roses"
"Smirk Jerk" (2)
"Smokin' Pesticide Dope"
"Smoochy Time" (4)
"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowed-in"(9)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
"Sorcerer's Apprentice"
"Soul Train" (5)
"Souter Rules, Dude"
"Southern Ladies" (5)
"Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)
"Space Poop" (3)
"Speechifyin'" (4)
"Speedy Gonzales" (3)
"Spelling, -23" (6)
"Sperm Count" (3)
"Spiro T. Palin" (4)
"Spoonerized" (6)
"Spring Equal Knox" (3)
"St. George" (4)
"Stan & Ollie"(7)
"Startin'fromScratch"(6)
"State Dinner" (3)
"States' Rahts" (3)
"Sticker Shock"
"Stolen Bases" (3)
"Stragedy" (2)
"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
"Strip Searched" (9)
"Stupidly" (5)
"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
"Subsidizing Seeds"(6)
"Sunday, Sunday"(9)
"Sunni Daze" (4)
"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
"Survey Says" (6)
"Sweet Georgia Brown"
"Swiss Miss" (5)
"Take a letter, dearie"
"Take It Off Baby" (5)
"Takes a Worried Man"(4)
"Talibanme Banana"(8)
"Talkin' Turkey" (3)
"Tax Driver" (9)
"Taxpayer Assistance (2)"
"Tea Olive" (7)
"Tear Down That Wall"(4)
"Teflon Causes Cancer"
"Ten Cent Coke" (3)
"Tennessee Stinks" (6)
"Term Paper" (5)
"Terminal? Great!"
"Terre Bonne" (6)
"Terrible Swift Sword"(6)
"Terrible Two's" (2)
"Tess of D'Uberville"(8)
"Tess of the Dorghis" (8)
"Texas Exes" (8)
"Thank the Academy"(4)
"Thank You Rand Paul"
"Thank You, Molly" (2)
"Thanks, Dad" (3)
"Thar She Blows"
"That Looks Like Me"(5)
"That's the way it is"(5)
"Thawt Yuze a Toad"(7)
"The 60 Year Struggle"(5)
"The Atlanta Eye" (6)
"The Blue Dog"(11)
"The Boston Massacre"(9)
"The Boys of '63" (8)
"The Brotherhood Begins"
"The Eyes of Texas"
"The Forum" (2)
"The Future is Now (2)"
"The Garden of Good"
"The Good Book" (4)
"The Good Doctor"(6)
"The Great Quixote" (9)
"The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)
"The Important Stuff"
"The Italian Stallion"
"The Litany" (6)
"The Longest Day" (5)
"The Non-Issue" (3)
"The Perfect Storm" (2)
"The Pre-Fellowship"(4)
"The Prophecy"
"The Real Rhett" (4)
"The Second Amendment"
"The Silver Sow Award"(3)
"The Splurge" (4)
"The Turtle" (3)
"The Union Label"(6)
"There is a Virginia" (2)
"They're He-ear" (4)
"Thin Ice, Frodo" (4)
"Third Strike Nuance (2)"
"This Day in History"(3)
"This, Too, Shall Pass"
"Three A.M." (4)
"Three Siblings" (4)
"Three Votes Short" (3)
"Thriller" (9)
"Thunder Road"
"Thy Name be Peace" (2)
"Tie a Yellow Ribbon" (3)
"Tiger By The Tail" (5)
"Time to Cut Brush" (3)
"Time With Friends" (3)
"Times A' Wastin'" (3)
"Title IX Disaster" (5)
"To Arms, To Arms"
"To the Hoop (2)"
"Together Again" (3)
"Tokyo Rush" (5)
"Tom Bombadil isDying"(7)
"Tom Bombadil Returns"(9)
"Tom" (4)
"Top Two Percent" (7)
"Tora Bora Lora. . ." (2)
"Torah, Torah..."(6)
"Toro, Andalay,Toro (2)"
"Touchdown Swabbie" (3)
"Tovarich" (4)
"Tra La,Spring,Tra La"(6)
"Train Wreck"(8)
"Transparency" (4)
"Travel Sucks" (4)
"Tree Fishin' (2)"
"Trees v. Forest"(9)
"Trekking Mount Doom" (2)
"Tripod Hackers?"(9)
"Trojans?"
"Trouble Sleepin'" (3)
"Truckin' for Isaiah" (3)
"Truly,Totally, Nuts"(3)
"Tuesdays with Nancy"(4)
"Tullahoma Tequila (2)"
"Tumbler" (3)
"Turkey Day Walkabout"(2)
"TW3" (3)
"Tweety Pie" (2)
"Twenty to Life" (5)
"Twismas Tunes" (5)
"Twisted Sister" (4)
"Two Americas" (4)
"Two Americas" (9)
"Two Steps Back" (4)
"Two Thousand, Ate" (4)
"Unademdaze" (4)
"Unborn in the USA" (6)
"Unbroken Circle" (7)
"Unconditional Surrender"
"Unconventional, you say?"(7)
"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
"Unmarked Grave" (6)
"Untimely Events"
"UR Number Is Up" (7)
"Vacation Brouhaha" (3)
"Vacation Comin'" (2)
"Vandals at the Gates"(2)
"Vat of Chocolate"(6)
"Vero Possumus" (4)
"Veto Shmetoe (2)"
"Vick Drops, Cough!" (3)
"Video Thriller"(5)
"Vinson Can Gogh"(6)
"Virgin Birth" (2)
"Virginia is 4 Lovers"(4)
"Virginia Lovers" (4)
"Vom Winde Verweht" (2)
"Vote for Steve" (2)
"Vote Frodo (Not)"(7)
"W is for Wuss""
"Wait 'til Next Year" (2)
"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
"Walkin' the Dogs"(8)
"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
"War on Middle Class"(2)
"War on Tara"
"Warm Bucket of Spit"(4)
"Was Miers His Attorney?"
"Watch Mr. Wizard" (3)
"Water Into Wine" (11)
"Water into Wine?"
"Watts da plan, Man?"(5)
"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
"We Will Rock You"
"Weather Channel Follies"
"Weddin' Down South" (3)
"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
"What is a Shimkus?" (2)
"What Mark Felt"
"What Schedule?" (2)
"What Time Is It (2)"
"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Whopper"
"Whosdalederofdaclub?"(4)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
"Wiccan I do for you?"(2)
"Wicked Pickett"
"Wide Stance" (4)
"Will better be?"(7)
"Willard" (7)
"Willie B had heart" (5)
"Winchester Women (2)"
"Wink at the Moon"
"Winter Solstice"
"Wishin' and Hopin'"
"Wither Channels" (5)
"Wither Weather"(9)
"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
"Worth Waiting For?"(5)
"Wrinkly,White-haired"(4)
"Write a Letter" (7)
"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
"www.arlinbuyert.com"(9)
"Wynot"(6)
"Wyomin' Gloamin'" (2)
"Xmas in Shreveport"(6)
"Yahoo" (4)
"Yankee Humor" (5)
"Yankee Ingenuity"
"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
"Yellow Peril" (3)
"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
MoveOn.org
The Return of the King
BarackObama.com
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
I Felt So Happy I Almost Cried, And Then He Kissed Me
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: "Chutzpah Hooters" (4)

The gentleman, seated in a wheelchair, accompanied by a fellow entrepreneur, greeted his audience and said into the microphone "It is time for Congress to rejuvenate America."  Frodo looked up, in partial recognition of the gravelly-voiced speaker, and in order to take note of what was being broadcast on his black-and-white.  As the story line unfolded, Frodo's interest in any indication of activity toward economic recovery was readily apparent, but there was also a sparkle in the corner of his eye.

The speaker, and former resident of Gwinnett County, Georgia (frequent readers will remember the "Runaway Bride," 'the Barbie Bandits," and other evidences of sub-human behavior in this locale) was making a televised appeal for government assistance to an economically-depressed segment of American industry.  With rapier precision, he was advocating the committment of $5Billion to provide a stimulus to "the adult entertainment industry."  The speakers' name was Larry Flynt.  The former publisher of "Hustler" magazine was accompanied by the President and CEO of "Girls Gone Wild," the artful presenter of boobs from Bourbon Street to Panama City.  Frodo was entranced.

It is sometimes difficult, according to Frodo, to separate legitimate opinion from satire.  A businessman who was permanently paralyzed by a failed assassination attempt would seem to be a logical advocate for an industry which attracted the venemous effort on his life.  Remembering also, thought Frodo, that Flynt offered a $1Million reward for information to anyone who could provide definitive evidence of sexual misconduct by the inquisitors of William Jefferson Clinton.  The reward was claimed by the ex-wife (one of) Bob Barr (R-GA) who was then serving as one of the main accusators, who subsequently ran for the Presidency himself, as a "Libertarian" no less. 

Frodo is no fan of either Larry Flynt or Bob Barr.  Frodo is an adult who enjoys entertainment however.  Therein lies the conundrum. 

Although it is highly likely that Mr. Flynt revels in a periodic attempt at fifteen minutes or so of fame from time-to-time, Frodo also notes the public service that such satire offers to the citizenry of Middle Earth.  It gets us all thinking about stimulus, economic or otherwise. 

Didn't Lynda Lovelace hail from somewhere around Tupelo? 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:58 PM EST
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Monday, January 5, 2009
Hollywood Could Offer More, So She Left The Boy next Door
Mood:  sharp
Topic: "Down Below Back Home"(4)

Several days ago an earthen dam broke in Tennessee, spilling tons of coal sludge into the free-flowing nearby waterways.  The resultant environmental impact appeared horrific, but that was quickly minimized by any and all public comment from the responsible government agencies.  Frodo snorkled over the denials, knowing full well that, over time, it would be found that chemical imbalances in the watershed would come to light.  What caught his attention in this instance was the location, variously reported as either Kingston or Harriman.  Frodo doesn't know anybody, as best he now knows, who lives in Kingston, but he does have a friend with roots in Harriman.

Frodo's friend attended the College of the Shire with Frodo.  Upon graduation, he became a minister, and is now actively retired.  Frodo has always felt a bit guilty about his friend's chosen profession, fearing that his friend turned to the task of salvation because of his association with the youthful and unrestrained Frodo Baggins.  Frodo has been assured that is only partly correct.

Frodo spoke with his friend this day to inquire about the status of his old homestead.  Frodo learned that the property damage all took place "down below" his friend's farm.  Frodo puzzled over that response, pointing out that if the damage had taken place "up above," then the farm would either be entirely submerged or could be otherwise taken as a symbol of heavenly retribution upon the earthly tenants. 

Frodo was assured that the damage had actually taken place outside of Harriman, and that the "city" was named in the news reports just so that the "media" could accentuate the relevance of the story.  It seems that the actual events all took place in the suburbs.

Now Frodo understands much of the public concern about the nature of news reporting, and how some people feel that whatever the media says is eternally biased.  Frodo's friend was asserting however, that the media referred to Harriman simply because it gave greater depth to the human interest of the story, than to accuracy.  Frodo supposes his friend would've preferred to hear the location described as rural eastern Tennessee.  To wit, uttered Frodo, "Balderdash!"

Among the reasons that Frodo never pursued a career in journalism, beside a tendency to use language which brought a flush to the countenance, was the specificity he chose in descriptive matters.  In this case, Frodo could have reported that "15 houses were washed downstream but nothing of value was destroyed."  More likely, his friend pointed out, Frodo would have written that the loss of "the Sarah Palin Trailer Park" would temporarily improve SAT scores in the local high school.  Frodo, it seems, would indeed have been a member of the "liberal media."

He supposes that it is truly a good thing that he did not choose to follow his friend into the ministry.  God only knows, and that is the reason why.

 

 

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:14 PM EST
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Saturday, January 3, 2009
Suspicion Torments My Heart
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Two Steps Back" (4)

Hobbits are not immune to human stupidity.  Despite the best of intentions, and purity of heart, a Hobbit may say something inappropriate, even when he knows better.  Afterward, while amidst the miracle of self-butt kicking, the Hobbit can be grateful only for the fact that his poor choice of words did not come from one who was a candidate for political office.  The feeling lives long thereafter however that he was the victim of a broader conspiracy.

Bilbo approaches the 91st year, and it is evident that the Ring still weighs heavily on the mind of Bilbo.  Winning an argument seems to be much more important than coming to terms with the end of life.  Perhaps it is fear, perhaps not, but Bilbo seems intent on soiling all others even when no purpose is served.  It is as if there is one final attempt to attain redemption by casting aspersions on all others.  The anger is not only uncharacteristic of Bilbo, it is demeaning to the legacy of one to whom Frodo owes so much.

The Ring also has an impact on Frodo.  Defending those under assault by Bilbo causes Bilbo to feel that Frodo is being disloyal, or a participant in treachery.  Frodo then finds himself striking at Bilbo, pointing out the error in the words of Bilbo, striving only to bring an end to harsh words and speculative conclusions.  Silence would certainly have been a wiser choice, but the pull of the Ring is why Sauron lives even in the hearts of men of goodwill, and, sad to say, in the Hobbit.

Soon it must be that Frodo will stand on a hillside, in order to wish Bilbo safe passage to a land beyond the Shire.  Apologize he will to all others in order to wipe the presence of the Ring from the memory of those who stand with him on that day.  Fear he has that his words will be heard only in the wind, and that which Antony lamented about Caesar will be proven true, once more.  Sadly, Frodo knows that day will begin with a scarlet sky, and ships will be strewn all about.  Frodo will try to be a good steward, but he cannot help but rue the part he must play.  

Defeating the Ring is much, much more than simply getting rid of a king without clothes.   

 

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:58 PM EST
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Friday, January 2, 2009
Clowns To The Left Of Me, Jokers To The Right
Mood:  amorous
Topic: "Transparency" (4)

Frodo seems to be thinking a lot about words these days.  "Transparency" is one that he must admit he had never considered in its' most recent context.  Before, transparency had an application to vision through packaging of some sort, and was therefore not a relevant point of discussion for anyone save some optical techie.  Times, however, have indeed changed.

Charles Barkley attended Auburn University on a basketball scholarship, and gained fame as the "Round Mound of Rebound."  A full-scale analysis of Frodo's memory bank at that time would respond favorably to the keywords, "overweight," "mutant," "dumb," "jock," "Alabama," and "black."  A Google search would today reveal that Barkley went on to the National Basketball Association (that paragon of learned scholars) and became a multi-millionaire retiree who spread his verbosity throughout the land as a broadcaster.

Barkley, to say the very least, has become quite the center of controversy.  Known throughout as someone who said exactly what he thought (the refreshing nature of which is dependent upon a certain level of subjective knowledge), Frodo took note of Barkley's willingness to make people angry.  His criticism of under-achieving athletes and coaches was not mind-altering, but Barkley did strike a receptive cord when he began to express political opinion.

Charles Barkley announced that he was a Republican, and that he had disdain for those who did not share his belief in the value of hard work.  Coming from a multi-millionaire who owed his fortune to a child's game, that was a tad bit more hypocrisy than Frodo could stand.  What was really interesting however, were his tittering references to being able to do better than the current leadership in the political realm.

Last week, Barkley announced to Campbell Brown (since nobody watches that show) and the wire services that he was going to return to his home State of Alabama and run for Governor in 2014 (state law requires 5 years of legal residence for eligibility).  His timing might have been a little better.

On New Year's Eve the announcements began to accumulate as "Breaking News" on all the cable channels (Frodo is unable to comment on the reporting by Faux News).  The Governor-to-be, it seemed, had been arrested and charged with DUI in his current home State of Arizona (home to John McCain, among others).  With the latest reports it was disclosed that Barkley had another passenger in his motorcar when arrested (not his wife, it was added).  When asked if he had been drinking, he responded as we have come to expect, honestly, forthrightly.  When asked why he was driving so erratically, Barkley again responded without equivocation.

It seems that about a week ago Mr. Barkley had had an encounter with that same passenger in his motorcar, and had been given the best (for the record, and reflecting good taste, the terms "oral sex" were substituted by the reporting institutions) he had ever had.  He was driving erratically because he was in a hurry to pull off the road and to once again suffer the same experience.

Although he finds the results somewhat amusing, Frodo prefers to return to his prior understanding of "transparency," and to hope that neither Henry Paulson nor Ben Bernanke are performing a similar act upon our collective organs.   As for Mr. Barkley, Frodo would pay real money to be an observer of the 2014 gubernatorial contest in Alabama.

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:46 PM EST
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Thursday, January 1, 2009
Memories And Elephants Are Playin' In The Band
Mood:  chatty
Topic: "The Good Book" (4)

Arrogance is omnipresent, and even the smallest and the weakest must recognize its' individual tendencies.  Frodo cannot understand why anyone would ever be less than enthusiastic about a movie, a song, or a book that he happens to add to his favorites list.  What's more, Frodo can grow cross with someone who does not pay proper homage to something he recommends.  Frodo believes that such people are either (1) Republicans, (2) Dallas Cowboy fans, (3) Terrorists,  (4) barristers, or any combination thereof.  The fact that such a person may also own or possess a "blackberry," an "I-Pod," or a telephone that transmits photographs of approaching tornados means that Frodo is not as tolerant of others as he would like to think.

This diatribe is leading Frodo to the conclusion that he should actually consider a few resolutions for the New Year.  Added in is Frodo's reaction to the picture of President-elect Obama on vacation in Hawaii, demonstrating some pretty solid "abs."  Frodo had abs once, and he'd like to think that he isn't so far removed from that stage of physical presence that he couldn't re-discover their existence.  This identifies another character flaw in the Hobbit, that which we call "wishful thinking."  Biblical scholars might simply note that Frodo is an admitted sinner in this demonstration of coveting his neighbor's abs (how clever is the Hobbit, you ask?).

Absent the desire to introduce himself to equipment salvaged from Abu Ghraib and offered for sale on cable channels which seem to run all night and never offer programming, Frodo can be further identified as lacking in initiative.  This may actually be demonstrated in his preference for warmer climes, and thereby explain his increasing tendency to wander neither as far nor as fast as in his younger days.  He gets concerned when he finds himself involved in something that is merely transitionsal, with no true end in sight.  Mowing the lawn, raking leaves, washing the motorcar, are all tasks which seem only to breed rather than to conclude.  Frodo is very concerned about over-breeding.

In sum, Frodo can be arrogant, he can be contradictory, and he most certainly can be lazy.  His true concern is that he is closer to George W. Bush than he ever imagined.   

Frodo resolves to be better. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:10 PM EST
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Wednesday, December 31, 2008
You Been So Good To Me, You Know You Make Me Wanna Shout
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Two Thousand, Ate" (4)

There are but moments left until a cosmic rotation is completed by the spherical juxtaposition of planetary objects which occurs every 365.25 days, approximately.  Tina Fey might add, "And I can see Russia from my house." 

Obfuscation, to Frodo, is the word that best documents the systemic occurrences on the small blue planet in the year that is about to end.  Whether it be a failed President, or a failed campaign, there are those who refuse to recognize the loser's role.  Instead of muttering "Shut up and deal," they instruct us to wait two decades, or longer, in order to note properly the role that history will assign to the facts upon which they have already decided.  Time, they hope, will cloud the memory and "obfuscate" the facts.

The economy, whatever that word means, sucks.  The Chinese are not selling enough toy dolls whose heads fall off and also carry exorbitant amounts of lead paint in their construction.  The Saudis are shocked by the precipitous decline in oil prices, to equal a level more than double that when the Incomparable Moron first entered office.  Americans have had their credit cut off and are no longer able to support the expansion which fueled the somnambulism of the subject juxtaposition the past ten times it has occurred.  The resulting regulatory products will last until another libertarian steps forward and argues without history, in order to "obfuscate" the facts.

A war against terrorism, or stateless nihilists if the truth be known, continues, and continues, and continues.  The victory sought by those who never understood what the battle was all about in the first place, will be followed, in time, by the dissolution of order and the continuation of dogmatic civil struggle.  The colossal misjudgments and predispositions of foolish people will disappear from the vision of those who will pay an even greater price.  What happens then will "obfuscate" the balance of power that once isolated dictators and brigands from prominence anywhere in the world, instead of unifying them as viable opponents to world order.

Frodo enjoys walking in the winter woods with Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog.  The grand deciduous forests open themselves to full examination, as if they were the skirts of Marilyn, blown forever above her knees.  When he tires of searching for visual quarry, Frodo can discuss great philsophical questions, and cruel fate with his attentive companions.  Frodo and all his friends conclude that 2008 was the worst of times, despite a scattered victory or two upon the landscape, and that for a guiding word in the moments which swiftly approach, let it be, simply, Hope.   

    


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:05 PM EST
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Thursday, December 25, 2008
I Made a Big Mistake Honey
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Out of the Ashes" (4)

750 years ago, Polynesians, with rats in their canoes, were the first humans to inhabit New Zealand.  Later came the Europeans, bringing cats, dogs, rabbits and other creatures who ran riot, eating the local wildlife, or stealing their lunch.  Today, New Zealand has one of the worst bio-depletion rates in all the world; more than 30 percent, some 51 species, of native birds for example, no longer exist.

Individuals, businesses, colleges and local governments have joined to form a nonprofit trust wildlife sanctuary known as Kaori.  One of their programs is an effort to restore one square mile of land within the sanctuary to its pre-human state.  As described by the curator of the threatened species program, the lush forests were once "populated by some pretty weird and unusual primitive animals."  At the crux of this gargantuan effort stands the fate of New Zealand's national emblem, the kiwi.

The squat, flightless bird looks like the product of a tryst between an anteater and a hamster.  It has furlike plumage with a quill-like beak, and a rather nasty demeanor to boot.  The bird is however, New Zealand's bald eagle, appearing on the currency, and lending its name to the fruit as well to the New Zealanders name for himself, as in "I'm a kiwi, mate, and proud of it."

Kiwis actually came down from the trees as birds, choosing never to go back, and were therefore fodder for the ecological disasters that accompanied mankind to their home turf.  In the year 2000, little spotted kiwi, the smallest and rarest of the species, were released into the Kaori mainland from a breeding sanctuary on a small island off the coast of new Zealand.  Within a year, the first chick was born, and today the park expects to count nearly 40 new offspring.

This vignette is offered on this day for a very special reason.  That first spotted kiwi chick was named for a character in a certain movie, filmed in New Zealand.

Merry Christmas, dear reader, from Frodo, nasty demeanor and all. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:00 AM EST
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Sunday, December 21, 2008
We've Got So Much To Share, Like Walkin' In The Rain
Mood:  special
Topic: "More Than Some" (4)

Frodo stood proudly next to the red kettle, and rang his bell for the Salvation Army.  Donations are down for these dedicated people, as they are for almost everybody who depend on others for their resources.  A warm afternoon and only a few shopping days left brought a bevy of shoppers past Frodo and his friends, where even those who passed by were greeted with smiles and best wishes.  It is the height of the Season for Frodo, and the following explains why.

The little boy rode in the shopping cart facing his Mom.  He smiled at Frodo and waved as they made their way into the Wal-Mart.  Later, as they came out of the store, his Mom stopped the cart and looked the little boy square in the eye as she pulled her wallet out of her purse.  "This is about sharing," she said to him.   "Sharing  is what is truly important."  Frodo and his friends stood and watched as she folded the $10 Bill and handed it to the little boy, who stretched out of his seat and pushed the money into the kettle.

When he looked up and smiled at Frodo, Frodo handed him the bell, and asked him if he'd like to ring the bell.  With a burst of vigor and holiday spirit, he taught Frodo a thing or two about how a bell ought to be rung.

As he handed the bell back to Frodo, his Mom looked into his eyes and said, "We may not have much, but we have more than some.  That is why we share."

There is a little boy, somewhere in Middle Earth today, who may not have much, but he is very, very rich.      


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:23 AM EST
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Saturday, December 20, 2008
Ain't You Hip Now What The New Breed Say, It Ain't No Drag
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: "Speechifyin'" (4)

"Mr. Frodo, please."

"May I ask who's calling?"

"Yes, he doesn't know me, but my name is Jon Favreau, and I need his help."

"Just a minute, Mr. Favreau, I'll get him for you."

"Frodo?"

"Yes Sam?"

"There's a young man here to see you.  Says his name is Favreau."

"What's he selling?"

"All he has with him is a laptop," said Sam, smiling at the buzz cut.

"I'm Frodo, what can I do for you, Mr. Favreau?"

"Mr. Frodo, I am a speechwriter, and I'm experiencing my first real case of writer's block.  I've been told that you are never at a loss for words, and that you might give me some advice."

"Well, this is sort of an unusual request.  For whom do you write speeches?"

"Barack Obama."

"I beg your pardon, did you say President-Elect Obama?"

"Yes Sir, I've been writing for him since 2004, and never seeming to have any problems at all, until now.  I just seem to have frozen up since a recent conversation with Bill Burton, who said to me "Dude, what you're writing is going to be hung up in people's living rooms!"  I realized then," said Favreau, "that if you start thinking about what's at stake, it can get paralyzing."

"Interesting.  I assume that we're talking about the upcoming Inaugural Address?  Well, what have you done in the past as a sort of creative process?"

"Well, I stay on the move, drink a lot of double espresso shots and Red Bull, for up to 16 hours at a time, and completely close out all of my other responsibilities.  This speech is different however."

"I see.  What has the President-Elect said to you about the speech, and what other input have you received?"

"Well Barack and I spent an hour together with David Axelrod, and Barack told me that the speech should be no longer than 15-20 minutes, and then we all agreed that the theme should be, 'this moment we're in, and the idea that America was founded on certain ideals that we need to take back.'  I then met with Peggy Noonan, who wrote for Reagan, David McCullough, the historian, and I've listened to hours of recordings from prior Inaugural addresses."

"Have you drafted anything as yet?"

"Oh yeah, I gave Barack a draft about a week ago, and he edited and re-wrote parts, too.  He said to me, 'Don't worry, I'm a writer too, and I know that sometimes the muse hits you and sometimes it doesn't.  We'll figure it out together.'"

"So what is the problem, and what can I do?"

"I need a joke."

"A joke?"

"Yeah."

"You mean, like, 'Three guys go into a bar. . .'"

"No, I'm talking about something to take the edge off of a speech that will include everything from his autobiography (Dreams From My Father) to his address at the 2004 Democratic Convention (Big ears and a funny name).  Things are just so huge, and this is supposed to be a celebration."

"I see.  You don't really want a joke, you want something memorable, thematic, universal."

"For all the world to see."

"That's good."

"What is?"

"For all the world to see."

"Are you talking about something along the line of 'I'd like to buy the world a Coke, and keep her company.'"

"Kind of hard to just say something like that, isn't it?  It makes you want to sing along?"

"Wait man, are you saying Barack should sing a little song?"

"Or dance a little dance, and spray some seltzer in your pants."

"Poetry?"

"Robert Frost was on a podium like this one, a long time ago, and he captured the moment by reciting from memory what his 'old, tired eyes' could not read."

"So, is what you're saying that Barack need not zero in on the words as much as he needs to share the spirit of the words?"

"Isn't that what his whole campaign has been about, that which is behind the words themselves?"

"Good point Mr. Frodo."

"Do you know what I, Frodo Baggins, remember most from Barack's speech after winning the election?" 

"No, but I'm obviously interested."

"His stated love for those little girls, and the promise fulfillment of a puppy in the White House."

"Cool.  He may not be able to give us all a puppy. . ."

"But he can make us all want to go get one ourselves."

 

--Jon Favreau graduated from Holy Cross in 2003, and from a position in the Kerry campaign as a press assistant at age 23, was interviewed by the newly-elected Senator from Illinois for the position of speechwriter.  After 30 minutes together, predominantly engaged in a discussion about family and baseball, he was asked "What is your theory on speechwriting?"  His answer was "A speech can broaden the circle of people who care about this stuff.  How do you say to the average person that's been hurting: 'I hear you.  I'm there.  Even though you've been so disappointed and cynical about politics in the past, and with good reason, we can move in the right direction.  Just give me a chance.'"

--Barack Obama said, "I think this is going to work."

If only he would wear a tie. 

  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:22 PM EST
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Friday, December 19, 2008
They Know the 'In Crowd' Is Out Of Sight
Mood:  silly
Topic: "Wide Stance" (4)

Rarely does Frodo simply break into sheer ridcule, but there are just some circumstances where someone is so oblivious to the obvious that the real disservice would be to do or say nothing.  This, Frodo supposes, is why the little boy finally spoke up and said "The King has no clothes."

Today, the portraits of George W. and Laura Bush, commissioned entirely by private funds, were unveiled before their official hanging in the National Portrait Gallery in Washington, D.C.  To clarify, this is not the "official" portrait, commissioned by public funds, which will grace some empty space, and perhaps frighten children, in White Houses to come.  When the covers were pulled from the frames, Frodo immediately noted the ridiculousness of the George W. pose, and has been unable to stop laughing ever since.

The Incomparable Moron is pictured in an open-necked shirt, and he is seated, legs spread, as if he was in the midst of a regular daily bowel movement.  Frodo looked to see if perhaps the shoe of Senator Larry Craig was visible in the portrait.  Certainly, the 44th President was exhibiting, if nothing else, that he does indeed maintain a "wide stance."

As Frodo has continued to wipe the tears of laughter from his eyes, he has concluded that such a portrait is probably "apros pro."  The guy has been dumping on us for eight years; why should we remember him otherwise? 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:25 PM EST
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