Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Suspicion Torments My Heart
Mood:

accident prone
Topic: "Two Steps Back" (4)

Hobbits are not immune to human stupidity. Despite the best of intentions, and purity of heart, a Hobbit may say something inappropriate, even when he knows better. Afterward, while amidst the miracle of self-butt kicking, the Hobbit can be grateful only for the fact that his poor choice of words did not come from one who was a candidate for political office. The feeling lives long thereafter however that he was the victim of a broader conspiracy.

Bilbo approaches the 91st year, and it is evident that the Ring still weighs heavily on the mind of Bilbo. Winning an argument seems to be much more important than coming to terms with the end of life. Perhaps it is fear, perhaps not, but Bilbo seems intent on soiling all others even when no purpose is served. It is as if there is one final attempt to attain redemption by casting aspersions on all others. The anger is not only uncharacteristic of Bilbo, it is demeaning to the legacy of one to whom Frodo owes so much.

The Ring also has an impact on Frodo. Defending those under assault by Bilbo causes Bilbo to feel that Frodo is being disloyal, or a participant in treachery. Frodo then finds himself striking at Bilbo, pointing out the error in the words of Bilbo, striving only to bring an end to harsh words and speculative conclusions. Silence would certainly have been a wiser choice, but the pull of the Ring is why Sauron lives even in the hearts of men of goodwill, and, sad to say, in the Hobbit.

Soon it must be that Frodo will stand on a hillside, in order to wish Bilbo safe passage to a land beyond the Shire. Apologize he will to all others in order to wipe the presence of the Ring from the memory of those who stand with him on that day. Fear he has that his words will be heard only in the wind, and that which Antony lamented about Caesar will be proven true, once more. Sadly, Frodo knows that day will begin with a scarlet sky, and ships will be strewn all about. Frodo will try to be a good steward, but he cannot help but rue the part he must play.

Defeating the Ring is much, much more than simply getting rid of a king without clothes.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:58 PM EST

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Saturday, January 3, 2009 - 10:33 PM EST

Name: "Merry Little Bitty Tear"

Once when Frodo installed Bilbo’s first computer, Merry had a few very pleasant email exchanges with her. The change that has come upon Bilbo is of the mind, not of the heart. Best to dwell on her heart and ask others to do the same.

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Saturday, January 3, 2009 - 11:59 PM EST

Name: "Eowyn"

After all I've gone through with the changes in my parents, and now my mother, in the last 15 years at least, I can really really understand your sorrow and frustration and fear of this thing called aging and dying. It's a nightmare.

All you can do is turn the limelight from yourself to her, and try really hard to go with it. Forget yourself, forget the euphemisms, and--well, grow with it. She's the loser here. She's struggling to maintain her dignity as she loses her life. What are you doing? If your wife were dying would you be saying the same things?

We can never "catch up" with our parents, as they are set off in age. And there's the rest of it. But, as you said, for now you can call and she will answer the phone. The conversation can be about any old thing. What would you prefer life--and death--to be? Good luck. I try to just hold my own and enjoy every communication I have with my mother, though it may not make the sense it made before, it's all there is to be for the rest of my life.

They lead us through life. And they are doing it now. We hate what we have to understand, but it's got to be understood. Better they tell us than we find it out from strangers.

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Sunday, January 4, 2009 - 12:10 AM EST

Name: "Eowyn"

And, think of yourself later, stripped of every last person in your life who "remembers how things WERE" , and all you have are people younger who don't want to go where you are yet. You're a frightening thing, a burden, not right. Rest assured I sympathize very very much, going through this too. Know what you mean. The most important thing for the success of the rest of Your life is not to be sorry for how you saw it from a younger age, but to go to where she is and be there. Don't fight it.

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Sunday, January 4, 2009 - 10:56 PM EST

Name: "Eowyn"

Sorry to load up your comments, but I thought of a tip that might help--YOU--don't talk to her when she's just woken. This sounds like a small thing, but for some unexplainable reason as the mind breaks down all this paranoid speech comes out likity split, clearly and with purpose as they wake up suddenly. Go figure. I've just learned not to do it. You may have "normal" conversations if you avoid this time. You may find the most unreasonable conversation would not have happened 20 minutes later if the staff had her up and around. Bilbo is normal for her age. Her mind is giving out like any other part of the body. Remember those mind/body arguments we all had 30 years ago?

I remember when I was at my mother's facility passing by a table at which a son was talking to an administrator. He was so shocked and lamenting the changes in his mother, "I see my mother, but when I hear what she says it's not her." Any change, any surprise, anything they have to do NOW it's awful. "That's just dementia," the staff says. And I have to add that while I always thought the facilities were horrible from what I've seen they are not. These people are tirelessly cheerful and truly helpful in every sense.

Talk to others, maybe at the facility where your mother lives. Find a way to talk to her as often as possible. There are no more "perks" for her than that her son calls, or her relatives visit. When I spent a couple weeks in the spring and fall in the facility in the guest room I got to know these things from being there 24 hours a day. All of them at their different stages. They are us, but at a different stage. Very hard to see those we depended on have problems. They have the same problem with it because they are losing control but know it. Good luck. This is your major assignment--for yourself as well as her. Just give me back the '70's.

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