Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Tuesday, July 5, 2005

See the Pyramids Along the Nile
Mood:

lazy
Topic: "Wishin' and Hopin'"
Fortune magazine recently identified "five idyllic places" to retire. No surprise to Frodo that none of the five spots happened to be in Texas. It was surprising in the fact that the United States of America, to whom all the world wants to come, and in whom the entire world seems to invest, was not represented at all. This made Frodo wonder where the most powerful man in the world will retire, since Crawford is ill-equipped for a man of such, shall we say, "significance?"

San Carlos de Barloche in Argentina was first on the list. Since Bush speaks Spanish there is a certain attractiveness for a place that might understand what he has been saying. Certainly his English has not helped him to this point. Bush would have to learn the Tango, and Frodo knows that chewing gum at the same time would eliminate that possibility.

Dubrovnik in Croatia was next. Come on, do you honestly think Bush has any idea who the head guy is there? Do you honestly think he could place Croatia on a map? Bush would never go to someplace he would always mispronounce not named "WARSHINGTON."

Boquette, Panama, is an automatic elimination, unless it came in a package deal to return control of the Canal to the US of A. No Republican will ever admit that Jimmy Carter did the right thing.

Merida, Mexico, is an intriguing thought. Frodo remembers that it was Fox whom Bush first forced to visit him in Crawford, and it was Fox who exhibited the same sensitivity to other ethnic groups that characterizes him as an acceptable host. Plus, Bush could come back across the border anytime he wanted to, and there would be total amnesty.

Phuket, Thailand. We all know exactly what Bush would say, and it wouldn't even be funny.

No, Frodo, thinks that Bush will stay in Texas. At least it will be good knowing that he won't be on American soil.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:27 PM EDT

Updated: Tuesday, July 5, 2005 9:31 PM EDT

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Friday, July 1, 2005

It's Only Me Pursuing Something I'm Not Sure Of
Mood:

surprised
Topic: "Iran's Tom Hayden"
Frodo has been comparing the pictures for a couple of days now, and has to admit that although there is a strong resemblance, it doesn't appear to be the same guy. That does not, however, mean that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was not elsewhere in the crowd. The Iranian President-Elect, and any role he may have played in the takeover of the American Embassy in Tehran in 1979, has caused Frodo to wonder what he would do if he were the American President (or if anyone with a shred of common sense were in said role).

"President Frodo."
"Yes Bob"
""Given the fact that the soon-to-be new Iranian President was directly involved in the takeover of the US Embassy in Tehran in 1979, what will be the response of the United States to his role on the world stage?"
"Bob, that act was a true terrorist act. Individuals acted against a monarchy at the behest of religious leaders. It would be as if the Reverend Jerry Falwell sponsored groups trying to unseat former President George W. Bush, and seized the Embassy of Spain. It is the kind of act which set the stage for lawless acts that followed all around the world. It is the act for which participants must be held accountable."
"Bob," said President Frodo, "I have asked the Attorney-General of the United States to initiate an investigation into the activities of Ahmadinejad in that unlawful incident and its' aftermath. If there is sufficient evidence of his direct involvement, the United States of America will seek his indictment before the World Court. The charge will be Terrorism."
"Further, should he be indicted, he will be tried, even "in absentia."
"President Frodo."
"Yes David."
"Would the United States seek his arrest?"
"Absolutely. He would be immediately taken into custody should he set foot in the United States. Further, the United States would seek his extradition from any country subscribing to the World Court."
"Mr. President."
"Yes John"
"Would the United States act on its' own to take him. . ."
"Absolutely not. We are a Nation of Laws, we will act in accordance with International Law."

There, dear reader, is why a nation subscribes to the tenets of the World Court. It is why we are a part of the civilized world, and not its' policeman, its' bully, its' self-appointed leader. Terrorism is our foe, and it is better to fight it than to join it.

That is the America that Frodo celebrates over this Fourth of July. God Bless America.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:07 AM EDT

Updated: Tuesday, July 12, 2005 9:22 PM EDT

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Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Early On a Frosty Morning, Look Away, Look Away, Look Away
Mood:

sad
Topic: "Run, old hare!"
"As he touched his spurs to the flank of his horse, the men surged forward, charging with him into the sheet of flame which blazed to meet them there among the blossoms letting fall their bright pink rain."

Frodo is very sensitive to any glorification of War. Shelby Foote however, described the Civil War as America's "Iliad," and he transfigured the people and the places into prose. He made the reader remember that these were once human beings who walked on our roads, smelled our roses, and tasted the water in our springs. Mr. Foote passed away yesterday at age 88 in his hometown of Memphis.

Shelby Foote came to the Shire on television with 89 appearances in the 1990 PBS documentary about the War. He wore a gray-and-silver beard , had sorrowful eyes, and held the grave countenance of a general who had seen too much. Listening to his description of an event, the reader could almost smell the pipe or the glass of bourbon staring back at him from the writer's table. He did not glorify War, he told its' anecdotes.

The sentence which opens this tribute described the bayonet charge into a peach orchard led by A.S. Johnston. Johnston was struck by a "minnie ball" and bled to death on the battlefield. Now go back and read that sentence again, then close your eyes. The fallen soldier in your minds' eye is a portrait painted there by Shelby Foote.

In a typical vignette, he told about a soldier in Pickett's Brigade who came across a rabbit as he entered the field. The rabbit scampered deep into the woods away from the Yankee guns on the far side of the open field. "Run, old hare! If I was an old hare, I'd run too," said the soldier. The soldier did not run and he died.

Frodo will miss Mr. Foote. Frodo always wanted to buy him a glass of bourbon, and to watch an episode of "As the World Turns," with him, which he watched every single writing day. His book, "The Civil War: A Narrative," took eleven years in composition, and it is twice as long as The Bible. In 1999, the book was named as "Number 15" in the list of the 20th century's 100 best works of nonfiction written in English. He wrote it in long hand, with an ink pen; at least 500 words every single day.

There is a bottle in the library. A taste will be appropriate. Frodo gave up smoke a long time ago, so he will close his eyes and see if he can remember the taste.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:36 PM EDT

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Monday, June 27, 2005

Get Your Motor Running, Get Out on the Highway
Mood:

rushed
Topic: "Runaround Tsu"
Frodo takes special pleasure in those accomplishments which stand the test of time. A few weeks ago, Mr. Kozo Haraguchi, a Japanese national, ran the 100 meters in 22.04 seconds.

"22.04 seconds? Are you crazy Frodo? The world record is somewhere around 9.1 seconds. That may be the slowest time I've ever heard recorded for the 100 meters," so said Legolas. "The way I figure it," he said "your speed demon was cruising in at about 4 miles an hour over a distance shorter than a football field."

"I know my friend,' saith Frodo, "but you need to consider that it was raining, and that Mr. Haraguchi was afraid that he might fall. After all, it was the first time that he had ever run competitively in the rain."

"Is there something I'm missing in all of this?" said Legolas.

"Oh, didn't I tell you that Mr. Haraguchi is 95 years old?" said Frodo. "He broke the world record for the 100 meters in the 95-99 years of age grouping" (previously held by Erwin Jaskulski of Hawaii at 24.01 seconds).

Frodo notes that Mr. Haraguchi also holds the record in the 90-95 age bracket, when he covered the same distance in 18.8 seconds back in 2000. This was the same year that George W. Bush became President. Five years later, he is also running around in circles.

Frodo is trying to picture what George W. Bush will look like when he turns 95. No matter what state he's in at that time (e.g. animal, vegetable, or mineral), he will be the penultimate example of how dope affects the outcome of a race.

Tomorrow night he addresses the American people to explain how we're winning the War in Iraq. The Braves play the Marlins, and the NBA Draft is on ESPN. It is nice to have alternatives in case he forgets to submit his resignation.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:55 PM EDT

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Sunday, June 26, 2005

Fighting Soldiers From the Sky, Fearless Men
Mood:

sad
Topic: "Curious, George?"
James Webb completed a tour in Iraq that lasted a year and a week. He suffered a back injury resulting from an explosion. He is no longer able to stand up straight, and he hobbles around on legs that no longer support him properly. He also suffers from sleep-busting dreams, popping painkillers during the day, and anxiety about how he will pay next month's mortgage payment. Webb received a medical discharge on February 4th, 2005, and he subsequently was shipped home and filed for disability benefits. He was told "We'll get back to you in eight months."

Frodo has learned that the number of cases BACKLOGGED for processing by the Veterans Administration has now grown to more than 340,000. Now, obviously, not all of these are wounded veterans of the Iraqi insurgency, but for Mr. Webb, it is an emergency. Webb goes to a local hospital for physical therapy, which is paid by his wife's medical insurance. The strain on their marriage rests in the fact that she provides all their income, mothers three children, and is fighting foreclosure on their home.

United States Senator Larry Craig (R-Idaho), chairman of the Committee on Veterans Affairs said resources were adequate to take care of veterans' needs. Veterans groups lobbied Congress to add $2 Billion to the $80 Billion supplemental Military Appropriation specifically for veterans healthcare. The measure failed to pass.

Mr. Webb's mother sought assistance from a local veterans group seeking assistance for her son. The group attempted to intercede on Webb's behalf, but the Veterans Administration responded that Webb would have to wait his turn. The spokesman for the veterans group said "Army people are poor people. We are not high on any totem pole."

Emotion aside, Frodo has a question for you, dear reader. What do you think Governor Jeb Bush had to do to get the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) to hire hundreds of temporary employees to process damage claims from hurricanes in Florida?
Frodo would never suggest that such assistance was unneeded, he simply wonders why it mattered so much in comparison to a backlog of benefits claims on behalf of wounded soldiers?

Florida voters live in nice houses and Florida voters contribute a lot of money to politicians. Frodo supposes that they are pretty high on the totem pole. James Webb still has trouble sleeping, worrying about how he'll deal with tomorrow. Before he was discharged, the Army took his weapon from him while he was being treated at a stress clinic.

What we know is that soldiers wounded in Iraq and Afghanistan are surviving severe injuries at higher rates than in any previous war. Many of the most severely wounded are facing lifelong rehabilitation for amputations and trauma. The New England Journal of Medicine has reported that 1 in 6 of every returning soldier will suffer post-traumatic stress disorder.

What we hope is that none of them will need help for at least eight months after they get home. Frodo wonders if George W. Bush thinks about this problem "every single day?"

Frodo never thought that he would have to include James Webb under the umbrella of the "smallest and the weakest." Frodo is ashamed that such is the case.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:45 PM EDT

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Saturday, June 25, 2005

Hush My Darling, Don't Fear My Darling
Mood:

incredulous
Topic: "M-G-M Material"
Part of Frodo believes that there is always something rational to explain a miracle. The Red Sea parted, probably, because of the confluence of tidal factors. A Star appeared to Wise Men, probably, because the orbits of heavenly bodies converged together in a predictably occasional event. Then, there is always the nagging assertion that sometimes events simply transcend reason.

A few weeks ago a young girl was kidnapped and beaten by her abductors. The seven men were trying to force the young girl into marriage. In her land, more than 70 percent of all marriages begin with abductions such as this. In this case, the girl refused the opportunity provided to her, so the stalwart males proceeded to beat the hell out of her. Apparently, the disturbance attracted three of the approximately 1,000 lions who wander freely in the deserts of Ethiopia. The abductors fled, leaving the young girl bloodied and whimpering to the "mercy" of the lions.

The lions stood guard over the young girl. They stayed with her until police and relatives found her outside the town of Bita Genet. They never harmed or threatened the young girl, they simply guarded her from further harm until proper help arrived.

Stuart Williams, a wildlife expert with the Rural Development Ministry in Ethiopia, stated that "A young girl whimpering could be mistaken for the mewing sound from a lion cub, which probably explains why they didn't eat her."

The black-maned lions are Ethiopia's National Symbol. Despite a recent crackdown, hunters kill the animals for their skins, which can fetch more than $1,000 even in this impoverished nation.

If Frodo were a lion, he probably would have voted to give humankind one more chance. "Friends," he would say, "we could eat this child, and fend off starvation for several days. We might then be blamed for her death, and thereby further inflame the hunter's zeal."

"Friends, let us observe this human child, and protect her until the members of her pride come to claim her. This would be at least one human, of which there are more than 70,000,000 in this land, who would know that our lives are important."

"Frodo, you are a fool," so would say the lion named Rove. "Real lions drive humans away from their hunting grounds, we kill their young, and they never bother us. That is why we have the strongest prides and the best hunting lands. I, Rove, say 'Eat her and be done with it.'"

The third lion would pace all around the young girl, sniffing; smelling the blood, and listening; hearing the moans of pain. "Frodo is surely wise, but he is lean and he does not provide as well for his family as does Rove, who is well-fed with fat cubs. Is it not our purpose to provide for our own? This human child is small and provides little meat for us, or our prides, so why should we not go on about our hunt for more substantial game? There is no reason for us to stay here and look over the offspring of those who do not respect us, the symbol of this very nation of humans."

Just then human voices are heard nearby, so the lions stand their ground until they can observe the nature of the disturbance, and the size of the intruders. Seeing that they are many, and that they have guns, the three lions slip away over a sand dune and into the scrub brush below.

Frodo supposes that sometimes simple civil discourse brings solutions to even the biggest problems. That is a miracle that even science can't explain.

Four of the seven abductors have been captured. Frodo hopes it was by lions.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:58 PM EDT

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Thursday, June 23, 2005

Looking For a Home, Gotta Have a Home
Mood:

spacey
Topic: "Bishop to King's Castle"
The Supreme Court of the United States of America today ruled that a man's home may be his castle, but he is only a leaseholder. There is an anomaly to the fervor of those who are, well, fervent, in their disfavor with the 5-4 decision. The voting majority, it seems, were the progressive (i.e, generally sane) and the minority was Rehnquist, Scalia, Thomas, and O'Connor. The people most upset are those with the most extreme postures of both the right and the left in the general population. Those in the middle seem to think the Court ruled correctly.

Frodo is in a pickle. It is beyond his cognitive scale to recall the last time he agreed with Sandra Day O'Connor on almost anything. Frodo doesn't even like the way she does her hair. If any woman has ever met the definition of "frump," it is with the bobbed-do of an Arizona broad-rumped golfer in the mind's eye. Regardless, Frodo thought that she actually went beyond the greed of one protecting their own assets to actually make a valid point about the definition of freedom.

The home used to be protected from "unreasonable search and seizure," that is until the Patriot Act came along, and all of a sudden there were exceptions.

Today the home could fall to the concept of "eminent domain," because of the efforts of individuals which would yield "higher and better" use of the land, thereby benefiting the community as a whole.

Frodo is not a speculator when it comes to the direction of the law. In the Shire it is said that "the law follows the will of Hobbits by 25 years." Frodo notes that today one can "purchase" a home with no money down, and pay only interest for several years. The "ownership" of that home does not stand in the hands of the occupant. It belongs to the bank.

Wasn't there a problem in the 1930's with people owing a lot of money to banks, and the loss of farms in Oklahoma and places like that? Frodo remembers a book that told of the movement of the homeless to California. It was called "The Grapes of Wrath."

Frodo always admired Tom Joad. He just never thought he'd run into him on the road to America's future.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:08 PM EDT

Updated: Thursday, June 23, 2005 9:15 PM EDT

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Tuesday, June 21, 2005

It Ain't Me, It Ain't Me, I'm No Rich Man's Son
Mood:

on fire
Topic: "Plaque 42W, Line 12"
George W. Bush announced today that he will be going to Vietnam in 2006. Thirty-seven years too late, Frodo adds.

Will he wear his flight suit? Will he take a tour of the Cambodian border in a Swift Boat? Will he visit the "Hanoi Hilton"? Will he look for human remains near the wreckage of a downed fighter plane? Will he take a mountain bike ride on the Ho Chi Minh Trail? Will he stand on the airstrip at Khe Sanh and look for the spot where Max Cleland lost three of his limbs? Will he visit a Vietnamese Military Cemetery?

Frodo listened to George W. Bush announce that the Vietnamese Government was acting to ensure greater religious freedom. Frodo remembers that it was Buddhist Monks setting themselves on fire to protest the actions of the heavily Catholic South Vietnamese that exacerbated the enmity between North and South. Religious freedom, any freedom, doesn't usually come without a price. As George W. Bush would say, "It is hard work."

George W. Bush wants John Bolton to "reform" the United Nations. Frodo remembers that it was the United States which failed to endorse the Geneva Accords of 1954. The Accords called for free and open elections in Vietnam. The United States objected because it was feared that the Communists would win the election. The United States of America stood against the right to vote. The United States lost almost 60,000 soldiers because we fought against freedom of religion and the right to vote.

Frodo believes that it is appropriate that George W. Bush go to Vietnam. Frodo hopes he apologizes for being just a little late.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:23 PM EDT

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Monday, June 20, 2005

Coming to America, Today!
Mood:

rushed
Topic: "50 Weeks of Reality TV"
When September came to the Shire, Frodo knew that he wanted to be the next Bert Parks. The fantasies of a young Hobbit were not wasted on one who sacrificed lust for ethics. Frodo could imagine what the decision-making process was truly like, but only when the Vanessa Williams controversy came to light was Frodo convinced that his fantasies touched upon reality. There was hanky-panky going on somewhere between the swimsuits and the talent portion of the show.

Frodo was distressed to learn that, with less than three months to go, no television network has picked up the broadcast rights for "The Miss America Pageant." Since the television contracts provide $5.8 million of the $6.9 million total revenue for the pageant, it is clear that the whole shebang (pun intended) is severely threatened.

Truth be told, the whole concept has gotten pretty dull, and that is why no network wants to cough up the cash to put on a show that not even Hobbits watch. What is interesting is that Mr. Art McMaster, CEO of the pageant, is promising to rework the entire framework of Miss America in order to adjust to the tastes of the viewing audience. Instead of a once-a-year special, McMaster is proposing several shows, akin to (gag) "American Idol."

Frodo imagines that such an initiative would require a panel of judges, capable of asessing the beauty, grace, talent, and sincerity of each candidate. Much like Paula Abdul apparently does as a judge on "American Idol." Given his willingness to serve when others hesitate, it seems only right that Frodo step forward to volunteer his services. 50 straight weeks is a daunting figure, but Frodo is up for it. Bert Parks, eat your heart out!

With all due respect to the intuition of friend Merry, it is true that Sam is once again, out of town.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:54 PM EDT

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Sunday, June 19, 2005

Willie, Mickey and the Duke
Mood:

energetic
Topic: "Glory Days"
"Tinker-to-Frodo-to-Chance" would be how history would have to re-write itself to accomodate the dreams of a Hobbit. Only the position fielded by the second baseman could serve the physical attributes of the smallest and the weakest. Perhaps that is why Frodo has always loved baseball, because it is the game that didn't exclude him.

In the Shire there is much invested in baseball. From the youngest years, fathers wait in interminable lines to register their sons in the best leagues in the choicest locations. Leagues and tournaments require travel to lands far beyond the Shire for children not yet in their teens.

There are no ballfields standing empty for a quick game between 8 or 9 good friends with one bat, and pieces of cardboard for bases. A horse-and-buggy is a more likely occurrence in the Shire than the kind of pick-up game that Frodo once knew. It is no longer a game, it is a development plan for professionals, and the stakes are enormous.

The Gallant Braves of the Shire are the social center of Summer in the South, and this year is unique among so many others. The Gallant Braves are riddled with injury, necessitating massive line-up changes just to field a team. Many of the players called up to play for the Gallant Braves are barely old enough to drink, much less vote. It has been a painful experience for the Gallant Braves to lose games because of inexperience.

Something is different, though, as the players have gotten used to each other. They are playing much better, and they are laughing. They are acting like they are supposed to be here, and they are enjoying it. Several of these young men are from the area around the Shire, and they are playing for the professional team in their home-town.

It is as if Frodo is watching the sons of some of those guys who used cardboard for bases, and only had one bat. Much has changed, but the smiles are the same.

Frodo may talk Sam into a night at the ballpark, and, in truth, there will not be a major objection. Sam noted on the first visit to Turner Field (built when Jane was in residence with Ted) that there were a more than adequate number of restrooms and stalls. Frodo, in order to avoid the "gender inequity in restroom availability legislation" which Sam has threatened to have introduced in the House of Representatives, does not propose outings without first determining the scope of facilities.

Sam will probably think the new guys are cute. Alas.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:24 PM EDT

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