Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Thursday, July 21, 2005

You Better Think, Think About What You Trying to Do to Me
Mood:

bright
Topic: "Pugnacious Maverick"
"If at the end of the First World War we had done what we promised the Arabs, which was to let them be free and have their own governments, and kept out of Arab affairs and just bought their oil, rather than feeling we had to control the flow of oil, I suspect this wouldn't have arisen," said Ken Livingstone, Mayor of the City of London. Livingstone offered a sweeping indictment of American and British policy which, he feels, have produced the current spate of terrorist attacks. Specifically he took aim at US officials who, "in the 1980's recruited and trained Osama bin Laden, taught him how to kill, to make bombs, and set him off to kill the Russians and drive them out of Afghanistan. They didn't give any thought to the fact that once he'd done that he might turn on his creators."

Frodo would like to remind Ken Mehlman that William Jefferson Clinton was not the President of the United States during any of the points referenced by Mayor Livingstone.

Frodo makes no pretense about his lack of interest in British politics. It has taken him since March to merely recall the name of the husband of Queen Elizabeth (For those of you equally stymied since first this question arose, research indicates that Caspar Milquetoasts' real name is Phillip--but Frodo still doesn't know if his name contains one or two "l's"). Frodo has long believed that were one to superimpose a map of European Overseas Colonies in 1914 over a map of the World in 2005, one would immediately identify all of the locations which have harbored a war, a revolution, or insurgent genocide since the end of World War II. Vietnam of course as "French Indo-China," and the "Belgian Congo" are prime examples of that theory.

The Mayor of London has won Frodo's heart by espousing a similar philosophical perspective on the world as it now exists. His problem however is the same as Frodo's. The political leader of his country can't see past those stupid-looking reading glasses he wears on his nose. His political leader mimics words, not thoughts. Frodo's political leader, when confronted by "two paths in a yellow wood," chose the one most traveled by, "and that has made all the difference."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:08 PM EDT

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Monday, July 18, 2005

I Was Feeling Kind of Seasick, the Crowd Called Out For More
Mood:

cheeky
Topic: "Sink or Swim"
Legolas and Frodo were friends long before Frodo moved to the Shire. Once upon a time, Legolas and Frodo both lived in the Land of Orleans. Adventurous souls that they were, and given their mutual interest in nature, it was not surprising that eventually they struck out on their own to fish the Grand Bayous of the Land of Orleans. It should be noted that the Elf and the Hobbit were truly outsiders and not properly outfitted for the Grand Bayous.

In Frodo's styrofoam sailboat, the two set out, paddling, into the Grand Bayous with their fishing rods, and a pound or two of raw shrimp for bait. They were more than 50 miles from the Grand City of the Orleans.

As the day wore on, and the sun and the humidity took their toll, Frodo was regretting ever having let Legolas talk him into the foolhardy adventure. The only saving grace was the absence of the Orc-like Gator who forsook the saltwater marshes for fresh water, or so he had been led to believe. Suddenly, in front of the adventurers a swarm of seagulls appeared as if by magic. They were circling and swooping into the water like acrobats in pursuit of the trapeze. By instinct, or because of "Animal Planet," both Frodo and Legolas knew that the birds were diving into a school of fish.

In a frenzy bordering on the miraculous, the school of "speckled trout" was everywhere around the sailboat, and every cast of the line landed a fish. Soon Frodo and Legolas realized that the fish were even biting a bare hook, so the frequency of flopping fish released into the boat increased incrementally. Fish flopped up and out, and neither of the adventurers cared, because three had already taken its' place.

Just as suddenly the birds were gone, and the froth disappeared from beneath the boat. The school had moved on, and the adventurers were left sitting with a boat full of fish, so full that the slightest wave would wash water into the heavily laden craft. The adventurers turned their tiny craft back toward the landing where they had left Frodo's motorcar.

It was a long and arduous trek, paddling a sailboat, whose riggings were useless in the still humidity of the Grand Bayous. As the sun set, and the sounds of the Grand Bayous came alive, Frodo realized that the levees which bordered their path also separated fresh and salt water. He realized that as he watched the Gators clamber over the levees into the salt water of the Grand Bayous. They smelled fish.

Legolas and Frodo were not prepared to sacrifice their catch without a struggle, nor were they totally stupid. They bent their backs into the waters in perfect rhythm, and watched the red eyes skimming the surface behind them, watching and waiting for a mistake. There was a shared sense of purpose by the adventurers, and they pulled the sailboat onto the landing with hardly a member of the catch lost to the pursuers. Without words, Frodo held the plastic bags while Legolas poured in the fish, and emptied the remaining ice in the cooler kept in Frodo's trunk. The red eyes were present the entire time.

When Frodo and Legolas returned home, long after Mid Night's Eve, Sam was a flurry of recrimination. Even worse was Sam's pronouncement that cleaning the fish was not part of Sam's assigned duties, and that Frodo and Legolas had all night to accomplish the task. Frodo felt it appropriate to omit some of the details of the adventure, and to seek out a couple of sharp knives. Legolas made the mistake of suggesting a few recipes for speckled trout stuffed with crabmeat. It was a bloody scene.

Many days have passed, but still Frodo and Legolas talk of that one shining moment when the fish bit on bare hooks, and the number was so great that no one bothered to count just how many there were.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:29 PM EDT

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Sunday, July 17, 2005

It's a Small World After All
Mood:

cool
Topic: "Great American Hero"
"Hugh Thompson."

"So that is the answer Oh great Carnak, and we, thy unworthy servants, are supposed to guess the question?"

"Correctamundo, oh camel breath."

Frodo still misses Johnny Carson, and the way he could turn something from one end to another, and something very serious would become so very funny. Frodo will do his best to take the name of a real guy, and see if he can't say something appropriate about a real hero.

In her new book, "Stoic Warriors: The Ancient Philosophy Behind the Military Mind," Nancy Sherman reports on her interview with Hugh Thompson. For those of you old enough to remember, the name will come soon. For those of you under age 40, Frodo will explain.

Lt. William Calley of Georgia led a troop of American soldiers into a tiny hamlet called My Lai. For whatever reason, the Americans lined the villagers, including unarmed men, women, and children, in front of a ditch and they began to machine gun them into eternity.

Hugh Thompson, from the same small town in Georgia, was piloting a helicopter and observed the on-going massacre. Thompson brought the helicopter to a landing alongside the American troops, and he ordered his side gunner to open fire on Calley's men if they blocked his efforts to halt the massacre at My Lai.

Frodo has long believed that the massacres at Kent State and at My Lai were among the worst moments in his lifetime.

Hugh Thompson returned to Vietnam, and to the village of My Lai some 30 years later. A frail, aging woman who had survived the massacre rushed up to meet Hugh Thompson. Through an interpreter she asked him "Why didn't the people who committed the murder come back with you," and there was a pause while the interpreter completed the sentence, and Thompson erroneously thought he already knew what the end of the sentence would be, "so that we could forgive them?"

At that point, Thompson recalled to Sherman, "I totally lost it. How could this woman have compassion in her heart for someone who was so evil. She's a better person than I am."

Frodo has heard of the incredible confrontation between Calley and Thompson, two boys from the same town in Georgia, in the same tiny hamlet in Vietnam, in one of the darkest of all moments. It proves that it is a small world, after all.

Hugh Thompson made it a better place. Frodo has always wanted to meet Hugh Thompson's son, and like the fictional minister in a little town in Georgia to have him stand respectfully when his father, not unlike Atticus Finch, walked by.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:04 PM EDT

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Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Suicide is Painless
Mood:

caffeinated
Topic: "Forbidden Fruit"
Frodo often thinks about things that no one talks about. Sam once said to Frodo that every family has a "secret" that they never discuss, although everyone knows about it. "It" might be an aunt that has a real taste for John Barley-Corn, or a niece who happens to like girls as much as Frodo, or an uncle who died very suddenly, and without much explanation to the Hobbits and the Halflings.

No word imported into the English language ever carried the nuance of "kamikaze." Pilots who celebrated their religion by sacrificing themselves against the impending fleet of the Allies were kamikaze. The number of ships, and sailors, lost in the final weeks and months of World War II were staggering, but the psychological impact was enough to loosen the bond on the most destructive force imaginable. Hiroshima and Nagasaki occurred because "kamikaze" was a reality for which the Allies had no defense. Kamikaze ended only when the Emperor told the people of Japan that to continue the struggle would be an evil act.

"Suicide bomber" is a sanitary statement, stripped of any relationship to religion, or to duty. This evening, a young child was captured in a suicide vest in Palestine, and stripped of his weaponry. The media reports that his mother had been promised $23 for his sacrifice. Frodo has no idea if this is true, or if it even approximates what he actually said to his captors. What Frodo does know is that there is no reference to religion, to patriotism, or even to hatred of Israel. He is reported as having acted for money.

Evidence is now clear that the tragic bombings in London were conducted by suicide bombers. Frodo has listened to the reports, cried with the grieving families, and waited for preliminary information before speaking. It is clear that there is no defense, even in locales so frequently targeted for violence as London or Haifa, and that little has been done which lessens the threat of death and disfigurement to innocent peoples. It is not enough to say that government has done all it can.

For more than 60 years, two generations, the World of Middle Earth has been confronted by those who view death as a transition, rather than as an end. Death is not viewed in such circles as "loss," it is "entrance."

Kamikaze pilots were usually Shinto. Suicide bombers are most often Shiia Muslim. Those who celebrate the end of life as entrance to Heaven are Christian. Frodo supposes that these murderers are just giving us what we want.

Frodo truly hopes that those who murder innocents never enter an afterworld. Pain and nothingness are what Frodo believes are their just reward. Frodo also hopes that talking about suicide as a waste, a loss, the absence of reason, will convince others that it is not a "secret" worthy of any family anywhere. No sacrifice, no atonement, no reward, just a stupid and senseless act decried by all religions.

To date, no Islamic cleric anywhere in the world has issued a FATWA against those who committed, much less those who supported, the attacks of September 11, 2001. The "suicide" which was unleashed upon innocent people has never been officially condemned as unholy. There is no "Emperor" to call upon the faithful to lay down their arms. There is only the clerics, the one societal institution to which the faithful pay obedience. The clerics, who represent the one thing for which the faithful are willing to die.

Frodo wonders why a behavioral scientist, posing as Secretary of State, doesn't see the obvious?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:21 PM EDT

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Monday, July 11, 2005

Do the Monkey Now
Mood:

blue
Topic: "Don't Feed the Animals"
There is a battle for life and death which has received even less coverage in the media than either the "Downing Street Memo" or the e-mails of Karl Rove. The conflict is the result of the throngs of camera-toting tourists who have crowded into the most scenic parts of South Africa and who have ignored all the warning signs that threaten fines for feeding the baboons. The animals have gotten used to the treats, and become increasingly aggressive in their search for more. A half loaf of discarded bread, for example, will provide a baboon with more nutrition than what could be obtained in four hours of foraging.

Jenni Trethowan of "Baboon Matters" manages nine monitors who try and keep baboons away from population centers, thereby reducing the potential for conflict with humans. The humans, says Ms. Trethowan, are sick of having their kitchens ransacked by primates who have an uncanny ability to break into houses. Twenty-one baboons were slain by humans in 1999, and eight were lost in 2004. It is believed that there are somewhere around 270 surviving baboons in 30 different troupes in the general area.

Diana Head, a resident of "Pringle Bay," a seaside village, removed all the gutters from her home and electrified a fence around her house after she found baboons trying to force open her upstairs windows. The entire village was under virtual siege last year after baboons repeatedly raided the local store and a children's nursery. "Things," she said, have gotten a bit better "because the dominant male baboon who led the raids and specialized in removing sliding glass doors, apparently has been replaced by a more placid baboon."

With deference to those who decry evolution as the process which produced modern man Frodo, who holds a unique position himself in that chain, cannot help but comment on this conflict between species of mammalian.

The well-intentioned imperialists gave more wealth to the inhabitants of the Middle East than could ever have been unilaterally amassed. This disturbance to the normal order of things is at the heart of conflict between these distant cousins. When the well-intentioned tried to lessen the reward or to change the rules, violence ensued. Frodo notes that the baboons had enough good sense to change leaders, and that sadly, dear reader, is where the similarity ends.

It seems to Frodo that George W. Bush would probably be pretty good at removing a sliding glass door. Were he in charge of that troupe, he would be recognized as an effective leader. That is, until all the baboons were gone.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:26 PM EDT

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Friday, July 8, 2005

You've Got the Magic Touch
Mood:

energetic
Topic: "What, Me Worry?"
Last night, a 21 year-old white boy named Jeff Francoeur played his first game as a Major League Baseball Player. He hit a home run late in the game, and cemented the Braves victory over the Cubs from Chicago (You know, Chicago, the place that only has two seasons, Winter and the Fourth of July).

Tonight the Braves found themselves tied with the Brewers of Milwaukee, when young Jeff Francoeur was again scheduled to bat. The Manager of the Braves, Bobby Cox, called the young man back to the bench, and substituted another 21 year-old white boy named Ryan Langerhans as a "pinch hitter." Langerhans hit a ground ball through the infield for a single, driving in the game winning run.

How did Cox know to do that? Is he actually Gandalf? Has he devised some magic potion, or perhaps a chant that energizes and inspires those around him? Whatever it is he needs to make sure that its' potency is not limited to the world of games between Hobbits and Halflings.

Frodo thinks Bobby Cox should be named Chief of Staff in the White House. John Scheurholz, the General Manager of the Braves, should replace George W. Bush. Pat Corrales, the Braves Bench Coach, whose job it is to position the team defensively, should replace Rumsfeld. Terry Pendleton, the Braves Hitting Coach, should become the new Secretary of State. Leo Mazzone, oh the famous "Rockin' Leo," Pitching Coach, should be Secretary of the Treasury. How many times has he made a "silk purse" out of a pitcher nobody else wanted? Additionally, Skip Caray, the crotchety son of Harry Caray, and the Dean of the Braves Announcers, is the man for Press Secretary.

Frodo would miss these guys very much. We all have to do our part however. This is the only way to replace those losers in the White House with real winners.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:58 PM EDT

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Thursday, July 7, 2005

I Got Rhythm, I Got Music
Mood:

lyrical
Topic: "Harpo Speaks"
The Rabun Gap-Nacoochee School may not mean much to you dear reader, but it might if Frodo told you that it is "Foxfire." It is the famous school in the mountains of North Georgia which is dedicated to the preservation of the arts and crafts of America's past. The series of books, entitled "Foxfire," have won world acclaim and are found in almost any library not managed by the Christian Coalition, the State of Texas, or Karl Rove.

Frodo noted that the annual harp camp was held this past week at "Foxfire" for the members of the Urban Youth Harp Ensemble. The 23 students, who range in age from 12 to 17, generally use one of the 11 harps owned by the Ensemble. Three of the students however have harps at home, and since even a used harp costs more than $2,500 that is not a small matter. What is neatest is that those three harps were paid for by the "Chasing the Dream" Foundation of Mr. Hank Aaron. That's right, the guy who hit 755 home runs.

Teacher Remy Johnson has as her main focus the reading of music, as opposed to memorizing each tune. The repertoire of the Ensemble includes classical selections by Bach and the pop song "Stand by Me." Ten of the students are boys, and they are helping to break the stereotype that the instrument is for girls.

"We stay to it," said Master Devon Boyd, 13, "To sit down and strum it, it's amazing. It is such a soothing sound." The time that these halflings spend devoted to the harp at camp is more than a semester of practice would yield in the school year.

An instrument as old as time itself, the harp represents the finer, more genteel aspects of music. Frodo is disappointed in himself that he never paid closer attention.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:14 PM EDT

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Wednesday, July 6, 2005

Just Like the Girl That Married Dear Old Dad
Mood:

spacey
Topic: "Is it in the Water?"
Remember the "Runaway Bride?" Well, now Atlanta is blessed with the "Chasity (sp) Belt." Frodo was amused to learn that a Clark Atlanta University Co-Ed named Chasity Lewis, reported missing on June 26th, turned up, surprisingly enough, in the Atlanta City Jail. The errant scholar it seems had been arrested for disturbing the peace, and had refused to identify herself to arresting officers. She was being held as "Jane Doe."

According to police reports, neighbors had complained that Chasity was walking back and forth along the street screaming and yelling. "Neighbors" is a relative term since the arrest took place six miles from her residence. Six days later her Mother, a resident of San Francisco, filed a "Missing Persons" Report with authorities in Atlanta. A search of her home yielded evidence that she had not planned to be absent from the location for any length of time, but there was no indication of her whereabouts. Eventually, someone (not identified) noticed a similarity between "Jane Doe" and TV newcast photos of the missing student of higher learning.

Chasity's relieved Mother identified her daughter on the telephone and promptly flew to Atlanta to be reunited and to find out what had happened. Unfortunately Mom had to leave the next day because she is a juror in an ongoing trial in San Francisco. She did, however, indicate that she plans to return to Atlanta as soon as possible.

Now grab your socks, because here comes the kicker. At this moment there are 43 other individuals in the Atlanta City Jail identified only as "Jane Doe?"

You can't make up stuff like this.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:33 PM EDT

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Tuesday, July 5, 2005

See the Pyramids Along the Nile
Mood:

lazy
Topic: "Wishin' and Hopin'"
Fortune magazine recently identified "five idyllic places" to retire. No surprise to Frodo that none of the five spots happened to be in Texas. It was surprising in the fact that the United States of America, to whom all the world wants to come, and in whom the entire world seems to invest, was not represented at all. This made Frodo wonder where the most powerful man in the world will retire, since Crawford is ill-equipped for a man of such, shall we say, "significance?"

San Carlos de Barloche in Argentina was first on the list. Since Bush speaks Spanish there is a certain attractiveness for a place that might understand what he has been saying. Certainly his English has not helped him to this point. Bush would have to learn the Tango, and Frodo knows that chewing gum at the same time would eliminate that possibility.

Dubrovnik in Croatia was next. Come on, do you honestly think Bush has any idea who the head guy is there? Do you honestly think he could place Croatia on a map? Bush would never go to someplace he would always mispronounce not named "WARSHINGTON."

Boquette, Panama, is an automatic elimination, unless it came in a package deal to return control of the Canal to the US of A. No Republican will ever admit that Jimmy Carter did the right thing.

Merida, Mexico, is an intriguing thought. Frodo remembers that it was Fox whom Bush first forced to visit him in Crawford, and it was Fox who exhibited the same sensitivity to other ethnic groups that characterizes him as an acceptable host. Plus, Bush could come back across the border anytime he wanted to, and there would be total amnesty.

Phuket, Thailand. We all know exactly what Bush would say, and it wouldn't even be funny.

No, Frodo, thinks that Bush will stay in Texas. At least it will be good knowing that he won't be on American soil.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:27 PM EDT

Updated: Tuesday, July 5, 2005 9:31 PM EDT

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Friday, July 1, 2005

It's Only Me Pursuing Something I'm Not Sure Of
Mood:

surprised
Topic: "Iran's Tom Hayden"
Frodo has been comparing the pictures for a couple of days now, and has to admit that although there is a strong resemblance, it doesn't appear to be the same guy. That does not, however, mean that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was not elsewhere in the crowd. The Iranian President-Elect, and any role he may have played in the takeover of the American Embassy in Tehran in 1979, has caused Frodo to wonder what he would do if he were the American President (or if anyone with a shred of common sense were in said role).

"President Frodo."
"Yes Bob"
""Given the fact that the soon-to-be new Iranian President was directly involved in the takeover of the US Embassy in Tehran in 1979, what will be the response of the United States to his role on the world stage?"
"Bob, that act was a true terrorist act. Individuals acted against a monarchy at the behest of religious leaders. It would be as if the Reverend Jerry Falwell sponsored groups trying to unseat former President George W. Bush, and seized the Embassy of Spain. It is the kind of act which set the stage for lawless acts that followed all around the world. It is the act for which participants must be held accountable."
"Bob," said President Frodo, "I have asked the Attorney-General of the United States to initiate an investigation into the activities of Ahmadinejad in that unlawful incident and its' aftermath. If there is sufficient evidence of his direct involvement, the United States of America will seek his indictment before the World Court. The charge will be Terrorism."
"Further, should he be indicted, he will be tried, even "in absentia."
"President Frodo."
"Yes David."
"Would the United States seek his arrest?"
"Absolutely. He would be immediately taken into custody should he set foot in the United States. Further, the United States would seek his extradition from any country subscribing to the World Court."
"Mr. President."
"Yes John"
"Would the United States act on its' own to take him. . ."
"Absolutely not. We are a Nation of Laws, we will act in accordance with International Law."

There, dear reader, is why a nation subscribes to the tenets of the World Court. It is why we are a part of the civilized world, and not its' policeman, its' bully, its' self-appointed leader. Terrorism is our foe, and it is better to fight it than to join it.

That is the America that Frodo celebrates over this Fourth of July. God Bless America.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:07 AM EDT

Updated: Tuesday, July 12, 2005 9:22 PM EDT

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