Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Tuesday, September 5, 2006

Who's That Walkin' In These Woods
Mood:

cheeky
Topic: "Crikey" (2)
The first time that Frodo remembers watching Steve Irwin on some cable channel, he was attempting to find and capture each of the 10 deadliest snakes in the World. The first thing that Frodo noticed was that he was defying all of the conventional wisdom picking up each snake by the tail. He explained that it was not only safer than attempting to pin the snake and pick it up behind the head, but that it decreased the possibility that the animal would be harmed. Frodo stopped and paid attention.

The next time, when Frodo summoned Sam to watch this bizarre behavior, Irwin demonstrated why he was dubbed "The Crocodile Hunter." Frodo and Sam became regular viewers, not only because of the magnetic appeal of this young man, but because so much of the show took place in the "Outback" of his native Australia. Frodo did not know that viewers all over our small blue planet were doing exactly the same thing.

This past week, 44-year-old Steve Irwin was killed accidentally by a stingray while filming a segment for his television show off the Great Barrier Reef of Australia. As news reports indicate, the actual piercing of his heart by the barbed tail of the stingray was captured on video tape. It goes without saying that Irwin, had the accident struck another, would probably have argued to broadcast exactly what transpired. Frodo has no doubt that there would have been viewership far beyond those who actually watched Katie Couric this evening.

The effect that broadcast television has on the behavior of its' viewers has always fascinated Frodo. An example of the subtle influence that is woven into life by television occurred recently to Frodo at Lake Lovey. Frodo walked outside the cabin, alone strangely enough, and noticed movement in the driveway. For only the second time in more than 15 years, Frodo was confronted by an actual honest-to-Pete Copperhead.

The snake was about 4 feet long, and was slithering toward the rear of the cabin and the leaf camouflage of the deciduous forest. Anxiety was replaced by stupidity, and Frodo bent to pick up the snake by its' tail, something he had never before even contemplated. For some reason a small voice in the back of Frodo's head screamed, "Are you frickin' crazy?" Frodo was startled enough that he neglected to contemplate the danger posed to Mick, the Wonder Dog, or to Sam, for that matter, as he hesitated and allowed the snake to disappear into leaf cover. In two shakes of a lambs' tail, all sign of the snake had disappeared. Hopefully, Frodo's presence was akin to that of a Way Station and the traveler went on his way, far away.

Sam is not happy with Frodo over that faux pas to this day. Sam does not want Frodo to spend more time watching "Animal Planet." The situation is not a great deal different from Bilbo having forbidden young Frodo from ever watching "Peyton Place."

Frodo will miss Steve Irwin, and he finds it hard to believe that he will have to watch "Animal Cops" in his bedroom with a cover over the TV and the sound turned way down.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:23 PM EDT

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Sunday, September 3, 2006

I Think I'm Going Out of My Head Over You
Mood:

irritated
Topic: "Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
Frodo's father was a member of Tom Brokaw's "Greatest Generation." Serving as an enlisted man in George Patton's Third Army, he admired anybody and everybody who did their best to bring the War to a quick conclusion. He also had a grudging admiration for the manner in which the Germans had organized power and the civil accomplishments which served both military and civilian purposes. The Autobahn being the most obvious example.

Hitler, as history tells us, became the penultimate "micro manager" of his day. To the consternation of his commanding generals, Hitler took a more active role in military decisions as the situation worsened. In time, the pressure became so great that his mental health was being questioned by almost everyone with whom he came into contact. Eventually, for fear of the total destruction of their nation, members of the military, including Field Marshal Erwin Rommel, attempted to assassinate Hitler. It was the commanding generals who were most acutely aware of the pending disaster as Hitler issued commands for entire armies to stand and die when the situations were hopeless.

Frodo suggests that we now "fast forward" from 1944 to 2006, and change scenes from Berlin to Washington. Donald Rumsfeld, a "micro manager," replaced generals when they disagreed with him on the number of troops required. Six retired generals, having served directly under Rumsfeld, have called for him to be replaced as Secretary of Defense. A public affairs initiative has been launched by the Pentagon because it is felt in those circles that the "good news" about the Pre-Emptive War is not being adequately covered by those who dislike Rumsfeld, and quite obviously his boss.

Rumsfeld has taken to expressing the view, and the Republicans are speaking in political support, that those who disagree on policy decisions are akin to those who sought to appease Hitler in the late 1930's. Those who disagree aren't aware of the dangers of Fascism, in his mind. Frodo feels that Rumsfeld knows too well the definition of Fascism.

Paranoia probably was the root cause of the insanity of Adolf Hitler which had become so very evident by the Fall of 1944. Insanity is probably the cause of the paranoia that has become so very evident in the conduct of Donald Rumsfeld in the late Summer of 2006. "Staying the Course" is not an option when brave and loyal young men and women die because an irrational leader is unwilling to recognize that his involvement is a major contributing factor to the ongoing, and unnecessary, carnage.

If he had a brain, he'd walk.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:22 PM EDT

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Friday, September 1, 2006

So Never Leave Me Lonely, Tell Me You Love Me Only
Mood:

lyrical
Topic: "Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
Max Steiner is not a familiar name on its' own, but coupled with the opening credits on films like "Gone With the Wind," "Sergeant York," "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre," "Casablanca," "King Kong," "Dark Victory," and "Jezebel" the winner of three Academy Awards and the composer of the musical score for more than 250 films is familiar to every person over the age of consent who has ever seen a movie. There is no doubt that "The Searchers," the magnificent film directed by John Ford and starring John Wayne, contains Frodo's favorite score.

The magic of the Internet allowed Frodo to find that the Film Music Archives at Brigham Young University had produced a CD with the score from "The Searchers." Having almost memorized certain aspects of the dialogue, Frodo had often sat before the TV screen with his eyes shut just to drink in the audio. The violins and guitars are beyond reproach, and the use of the antique spinet almost sounds like the haunting balalaika of "Doctor Zhivago." Frodo took advantage and ordered his own personal copy of the score.

Frodo traveled alone for several hours yesterday, and the magical score from "The Searchers" accompanied him. Interstate 75 has never known such glorious tones. Frodo had visited, probably for the last time, the gallant Howard, Sam's father. It was the gallant Howard who held their hands together, then stepped aside, the ultimate act of gallantry.

As the score and the film conclude, Ethan walks away from the porch into the swirling dust to the words of the "Sons of the Pioneers," who sing "A man will search his heart and soul, go searchin' way out there, his peace of mind, he knows he'll find, but where oh lord, lord where, ride away, ride away."

Let's go home Debbie.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:55 PM EDT

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Monday, August 28, 2006

Don't Stop Thinkin' About Tomorrow
Mood:

energetic
Topic: "Littlest Angel" (2)

Walt Disney had one of the great creative minds of the twentieth century. Just ask Anaheim, Orlando, Paris, or anyone who has ever seen "The Lady and The Tramp," and all doubt will be erased from your mind, dear reader. Frodo was among those who sat enthralled before a screen in living black-and-white as Fess Parker and Fred MacMurray expanded his imagination from historical to hilarity. It was in this context that first he met Angel Macias.

"The Littlest Angel" was the story of a baseball team from Monterey, Mexico, that made its' way to the Little League World Series in Williamsport, Pennsylvania, more than 40 years ago. The team was led by its' star pitcher, Angel Macias.

Frodo often thinks of the fame that engulfed a 12 year-old-boy and wonders why Frodo remembers something so innocuous as one television show more than a generation later. Perhaps it is because Frodo did not expect the story to end there, perhaps, he thought, he would soon see Angel as the opposing pitcher in a Major League Game of great consequence. The anonymity that encompassed the later existence of Angel Macias is probably the greater lesson for Frodo.

Tonight Frodo watched the little boys of Japan lose to the little boys from Columbus, Georgia, in the latest rendition of the Little League World Series in Williamsport, Pennsylvania. The Columbus team was led by its' star pitcher, and everyone seemed to glow in his dominance. The few minutes made available to this young boy pass quickly from the pages to the footnotes, that is if we have learned anything from the experience of Angel Macias. It is, after all, but a game, and the real winner is the one who remembers not who won or lost, just that they were little boys, whose tomorrows are far more important than what they do today.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:43 PM EDT

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Friday, August 25, 2006

It Gets Hotter Than a Hoochie Coochie
Mood:

surprised
Topic: "One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
One year ago today Hurricane Katrina was crossing the Florida peninsula and settling in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico, and she was gathering strength. On the same day George W. Armstrong Custer Bush was clearing brush as he neared the end of another of his vacations from hard work. Michael Brown was busy issuing memos and wondering where he might have lunch. Antoine "Fats" Domino was relaxing in his modest home in the area known as the Ninth Ward, in New Orleans. Aaron Brown was preparing for his nightly chair of the day's events for CNN. Frodo trudged upward on Mount Doom, just as he had done the day before.

Hurricane Katrina struck Hancock County, Mississippi, head on, and swung in the direction of Lake Ponchartrain, which is the geographical north shore of the City of Orleans. The scene was set for the event that annually caused so many to mount hurricane tracking charts on the walls of "rec" rooms. A hurricane would raise water levels to the danger level and threaten the levee system itself, if the hurricane spun into Lake Ponchartrain.

If you've ever driven or flown in an easterly direction past the City of Orleans that high rise bridge to the Northeast of downtown spans where the first levee broke. The water spilled through that section of the Parish and engulfed all of the area between until it reached the Mississippi River to the South of downtown. The Ninth Ward and St. Bernard Parish are the points of reference at this point.

Almost five miles back from that break the 17th Street Canal separates Orleans Parish from Jefferson Parish. The second break occurred here, and the floodwaters poured into the Lakefront section of Orleans and on toward the Ninth Ward.

Frodo, like most of us, felt that the City had been spared. He did not yet know that the levees had broken once the hurricane itself moved out of Lake Ponchartrain and headed inland. Watching Aaron Brown one evening, he heard the impassioned reporting of Jeanne Meserve, and the impact of her words hit home.

The realization that comes when disaster strikes the homes and hearts of people and places that are part of your Shire, dear reader, is better than tomato juice and a raw egg. One gets sober very quickly.

One year ago today, Frodo felt that the City of Orleans would always be there, calling to him to come home and dance in her streets. Sam has said that going back now would be too painful.

One year ago today, Frodo was stung by the Sword of the Black Rider.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:38 PM EDT

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Thursday, August 24, 2006

Pain In My Heart Caused By You
Mood:

caffeinated
Topic: "Osama Can You See?" (2)
Frodo has spent much of the past twenty four hours listening to people who knew of what they spoke. Last evening, Christiane Amanpour's production "In the Footsteps of bin Laden," was televised on CNN. This morning, Tom Friedman talked live with Don Imus on the MSNBC show "Imus in the Morning." These two journalists have spent much of their lives visiting, observing, and talking with people in the Middle East. They know a lot of stuff, and they have personal contacts which allow them to gather even greater input.

Frodo learned last night that the attack on 9/11 was not viewed universally within the radical fundamentalists of Islam as a great victory. Many of bin Laden's peers felt that the assault on the United States would unleash the "800 pound gorilla," and result in catastrophic damage to the assets of their movement. According to her sources, Amanpour reported that this dialogue has been the major reason that no further attacks have so far been unleashed against the United States. Although planning for another assault is underway, and one cleric has already authorized al Qaeda to commit the deaths of up to "10 Million" American civilians in such an attack, the political discourse within radical Islam continues. The tapes released by al Qaeda are basically political propaganda spouting bin Laden's position.

Frodo wonders if George W. Armstrong Custer Bush, now on phase II of his month-long vacation (this time in Maine with his parents), knows that his efforts to prevent another assault on America have been basically irrelevant?

Tom Friedman first travelled to the Middle East when he was 16 years old. He has always sounded much like Gandalf when he discusses the make-up of this part of our small blue planet. Friedman has used the term "vacuum" time-and-again when discussing the institutional changes initiated by the Iraqi incursion, explaining that one must replace a broken brick with a new brick, or the whole wall will collapse upon itself. Frodo's analogy here is his own.

Friedman has concluded that there is no further role for the military arm of the United States in what has basically become an internal and civil conflict. Our military stands amidst what has basically become a struggle within Islam itself. A struggle between those who desire secular government, and those who desire a fundamentalist state. At the present time the US military serves no role other than to support one of these positions against the other. It is a more dangerous world because of our presence there, and Friedman grows increasingly pessimistic with each passing day.

Frodo has thought about the position of 130,000 brave young Americans, with Sunnis to the left of them, Shiites to the right of them, volleyed and thundered. Into the Valley of Death, in obedience to their Commander, ride the many hundred.

All it takes is a malignant ideologue who justifies the death of so many as "pay back" for many years of supplying and supporting those who committed "atrocities" against Islam. For this is exactly the position of those who follow bin Laden. There are now "a thousand" who would sacrifice themselves in a short flight into the Mess Hall of the largest concentration of US troops in Iraq. That is not the course for us to stay. In contrast to the Commander-in-Chief, Frodo argues that staying there will be the "disaster."

God grant Frodo's wish that he is wrong.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:10 PM EDT

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Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I'll Be Your Love Until The End of Time
Mood:

lucky
Topic: "Buckwheat Breathes" (2)

A 36 year-old graduate student at the University of California, Berkeley, conceptually, causes apoplectic fits for some people. "Professional student" Michael Park was doing research on Mount Diablo, a 3900 foot peak just east of San Francisco, last year when he found a plant no one had observed since it had been declared extinct in 1936. The Mount Diablo buckwheat was discovered in the same park where conservation groups brought the peregrine falcon back from near-extinction in 1989. In fact, 12 of the 650 plants which occur in the park are found nowhere else on our small blue planet.

Frodo was rather taken by the ecological significance of Mount Diablo and the state park of the same name. It seems that the park squats at the nexus of two small mountain ranges and the San Francisco Bay. The park has an unusual "blend" of rocks, soils, and growing conditions according to local scientists. Frodo was immediately sensitive to the words "blend" and "San Francisco" used to describe these environmental conditions. Perhaps Frodo exhibited a little too much of his natural cynicism.

The Mount Diablo buckwheat has been successfully grown both in the laboratory by artificial means and by natural propagation in the little patch where it was discovered. Seed has been collected and can be kept in storage for as long as 100 years. A preventative is thereby created to offset the danger of a natural, i.e. earthquake, disaster or a man-made screw-up like an errant campfire. All the bases have been covered to ensure that the Mount Diablo buckwheat only goes to extinct status one time.

Frodo has never seen Mount Diablo, but he is very familiar with much of the Southern Appalachians, home to the most diverse grouping of plants anywhere. There are probably 650 different plants in Frodo's front yard at Lake Lovey, dwarfing the entire botanical population of the Mount Diablo park. The difference may be that the University of California, Berkeley, sits next to Mount Diablo and it seems to produce students of nature and mankind. The University of Tennessee, Knoxville, sits near Lake Lovey, and they hope to go to the Peach Bowl this year, and to sing "Rocky Top" until they turn orange.

Funny how some people define "values," isn't it, dear reader?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:42 PM EDT

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Sunday, August 20, 2006

What a Difference a Day Makes, 24 Little Hours
Mood:

d'oh
Topic: "Who did it?" (2)
Sam is at the bedside of the gallant Howard. His operating systems are signing off one-by-one, and if the analogy were carried to the extreme, he would be an undisturbed blue screen. Preparations for this moment have ensured that no one will attempt to salvage the hard drive.

Frodo remains at the Shire, coordinating activities there and doing his utmost to maintain the strength of the American economy. The creatures of the Shire all miss Sam, as does Frodo. Frodo wishes for Sam that this last cycle of life will be a peaceful moment for the gallant Howard, and not revert to the nuance of a Dylan Thomas poem ("Rage, Rage, Against the Light; Do Not Go Gently Into That Good Night.").

Once, after the gallant Howard first stood all alone, he came to the Shire to spend time with Sam and Frodo. He loved the Shire because of its' devotion to native plants and restless little natives. Not unlike Frodo, for whom he always had great affection, the gallant Howard knew far more about the out-of-doors than he did the in-of-doors. So when the occasion arised that Sam was not present, and dishes needed washing, the operation of an automatic device was unfamiliar to them both. Being relatively intelligent Hobbits, they figured that the mysteries of such a device were not unsurmountable. That proved to be correct, however the solution to perform the actual cleansing selected by the two miscreants proved faulty.

Remember the movie, "Mister Roberts?" Henry Fonda played the lead and Jack Lemmon played Ensign Pulver, Laundry & Morale Officer, in this adaptation of a great Broadway play. In the movie Pulver finally blew up the Laundry and doused the entire ship in soap suds, remember that scene?

Frodo and the gallant Howard were confronted by a similar scene when the soap suds started pouring out of the automatic dishwasher from every conceivable crevice at an alarming rate. It took several minutes for the two of them to finally figure out how to halt the unwanted production of the glorious bubbles. By that time however, all of Sam's kitchen was covered in at least three feet of bubbles. It should be noted that the creatures of the Shire had all mysteriously vacated the in-of-doors and had been out-of-doors as soon as they had become aware of the joint efforts of Frodo and the gallant Howard in the first place.

Finally, the kitchen was devoid of bubbles, and, in fact, the kitchen to Frodo's eye, looked cleaner than at any moment prior. The two cavaliers decided amongst themselves that they would simply omit the afternoons' events from their discussions with Sam. It was as it is in the common parlance, "No harm, no foul."

Frodo was betrayed by the grinning gallant Howard, who announced to Sam and all the world that "your boy" (referring to Frodo) had quite a time while Sam was in absentia.

Sam received flowers and several expensive gifts. Frodo glared at Howard of the big mouth. Then he started to laugh.

Today, with tears in his eyes, Frodo laughs again about a moment in time that will always symbolize the friendship of Frodo and the gallant Howard. Turning on the dishwasher will never have quite the romance it did on that day, not so long ago.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:52 PM EDT

Updated: Monday, August 21, 2006 9:51 PM EDT

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Tuesday, August 15, 2006

You're No Good, Baby, You're No Good
Mood:

sharp
Topic: "Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
In the movie "Groundhog Day," Bill Murray keeps awakening to a repeat of the day before. After almost six years of George W. Armstrong Custer Bush and his moronic gaffes in both his choice of words and his actions, George Allen is almost more than anyone could imagine. Could there be some sort of divine plan to punish mankind by repeating the past eight years with eight more years of imbecilic cowboy boots and insensitive perceptions of the outside world? Frodo is considering another cup of coffee, this one laced with something pronounced.

Here are two goons, children of privilege, both of whom found ways to avoid basic military service as well as any prosecution for their youthful peccadillos. The first goon is now 1,202 days into his proclamation that the foray into Iraq is "Mission Accomplished." It should be noted for historical reference that more than 62% of respondents now feel(remember, 1,202 days after everything was successfully concluded)that the entire effort was ill-advised. The second goon, before an all-white crowd of supporters deep in the mountains of Appalachia, singled out the only dark-skinned attendee (a travelling cameraman for his Senate rival)as a "Macaca." He subsequently apologized, stating that even though he called the young man one, he had no idea what it was.

Bullshit.

There are times when Frodo feels that the most banal can be applied without being obscene. The Mission is not accomplished Mr. President. The young man is not a North African Negroid Senator. Your joint apologies, re-statements, and clarifications are just plain bullshit.

Perhaps the wasteland of the media is now simply so huge that it is impossible for any politician to avoid the human slips and errors reflected in poorly-conceived policies or attempts at humor. If so, then the literal skill of John Kennedy, or Franklin Roosevelt, or even Abraham Lincoln might also be tarnished if each had been subject to the same scrutiny. Frodo chooses to believe otherwise. Guys like Bush and Allen are just so full of misinformation that it spills out all around both of them. Smells bad, too.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:07 PM EDT

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Monday, August 14, 2006

Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair
Mood:

silly
Topic: "Clean Machine" (2)
Frodo knows what it is like to be accused of something he did not do. There are situations however, in which blame is supplanted by credit for acts not done. Tempting it is to stand in silence and receive accolades, for in some situations if Frodo doesn't get the applause, then hands are never clapped.

Debbie Phillips, President of the Putnam County, West (By God) Virginia, School Board, returned home one evening recently to find her house cleaned, top-to-bottom. Her husband denied any responsibility, as did her next-door neighbor. In fact, Ms. Phillips was unable to find anyone who professed any knowledge of the phantom housecleaning. Given the fact that her house had been locked, and the key remained in its' secret hiding place, she did the only reasonable thing. She called the police.

The following is a transcript of how the telephone call to the City's 911 System may have actually happened:

"Hullo Mrs. Phillips, Sgt. Pyle here, what can I do for you this evening?"
"I see, uh huh. So you had someone break-in to the house while you were at work, is that right? Well, is anything missing?"
"Was there any damage done then?"
"Any sign of forced entry?"
"Well, if nothing is missing, and there is no sign of any damage, what makes you think somebody broke in?"
"I beg your pardon? Could you repeat that?"
"The house has been cleaned?"
"The beds have been made, the kitchen floor mopped, the toilets scoured, the windows washed, the living room vacuumed, and a thorough dusting throughout the house."
"Mrs. Phillips, you're telling me that neither your husband nor any of your friends admit to the cleaning, and the reason you're calling 911 is to go on record that somebody must have entered the house using your hidden key, and cleaned your house without permission. Then, they evidently returned the key to its' hiding place, and didn't even leave you a note?"
"Mrs. Phillips, have you had to confiscate any marijuana or anything from any students so far this school year?"
"No Ma'am, I'm just asking questions so that my Captain doesn't ask me that question?"
"Yes ma'am. Thank you for calling, and we'll keep an eye out for anyone cleaning without permission."

Several weeks later Mrs. Phillips was interrupted at work by a telephone call from her son who was home alone. It seems that a cleaning lady had parked her car out front, removed the key from its' secret hiding place, and entered through the front door. She then proceeded to mop the kitchen floor.

The facts determined by the Police Department were that the cleaning service had been hired by a neighbor one street over, with the same house number, who, conveniently it seems, chose exactly the same location for hiding a key at their house as did Mrs. Phillips at her house. Mrs. Phillips chose not to prosecute under auspices of the Patriot Act, or to challenge the legal status of any of the cleaning crew.

Frodo, had he been Mrs. Phillips husband, would have taken credit for the phantom cleaning, and later placed a $10 bill under the rock where the key was kept as a token of his gratitude to the perpetrator.

Frodo knows that some gifts, once given, cannot be taken back.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:33 PM EDT

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