Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Thursday, September 7, 2006

You're Always Window Shopping But Never Stopping to Buy
Mood:

party time!
Topic: "Barely Defensible" (2)

Frodo is forced to admit that until yesterday he had never heard the name of Joe Cullen. That really isn't so strange because Frodo has not only never been to Detroit, but he's never had any interest in changing his status in that regard. Not until Sam first saw the movie "Somewhere in Time" did Frodo ever even consider visiting the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. To Frodo that part of Middle Earth only has two seasons; winter and the Fourth of July.

Joe Cullen is the Defensive Line Coach of the Detroit Lions Professional Football Team, that is, at least for the time being. It seems that Coach Cullen has come into conflict with the local gendarmerie in Dearborn on two occasions in the past two weeks. In the first instance Coach Cullen was charged with driving while intoxicated, a serious offense, but hardly earth-shattering since there were no apparent victims of Cullens' stupidity. The second incident however, merits at least a sideways glance.

According to the ticket itself, the Coach was "driving on a public street without any clothes on (NUDE)." The Lions' Management responded to an inquiry with an apology, and stated that alcohol was involved. Coach Cullen made no statement but did request treatment. No specific "treatment" was identified in the request.

Frodo can not stand by idly without rising (pun intended) to defend Coach Cullen. Obviously, Coach Cullen, while driving, was considering how best to defend against the offensive play, the "naked reverse." He would probably yell at his players to "Let it all hang out," and for each player to try and "strip the ball" from the opposing ball-carrier. If one of his players happened to be "faked out of his jockstrap," then he would make sure that they would "butt heads" during practice after the game.

The thing that will probably hurt the Cullens' defense however, is the "Hail Mary" that attracted the attention of passersby.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:42 PM EDT

Updated: Thursday, September 7, 2006 8:47 PM EDT

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Wednesday, September 6, 2006

For You've Touched Her Perfect Body With Your Mind
Mood:

spacey
Topic: "Intersex Village" (2)

Abnormally developed fish, possessing both male and female characteristics, have been discovered in the Potomac River in the District of Columbia, raising alarms that the river is tainted by pollution that drives hormone systems haywire. According to THE WASHINGTON POST, the cause of the abnormalities is unknown and it leaves experts to wonder what the problems in fish mean for the millions of people who tap water from the Potomac River. "I don't know, and I don't think anybody knows, the answer to that question right now: Is the effect in the fish transferable to humans?" said Thomas Jacobus, the general manager of the Washington Aqueduct.

Frodo notes that the first intersex fish were found three years ago, and that the documented occurrences are increasingly frequent. This has all come about since George W. "Armstrong Custer" Bush became President, and could be Nature's way of striking back at the "Gay Marriage" controversy. Perhaps the politicaly-initiated institutional bans will become moot if human beings are genetically altered.

Frodo is struck by the fact that the environmental changes seem to have begun in the area around our Nation's Capitol. Politicians would be among the first to find that their willies have shrunk and that their once proud voices are now reminiscent of Frankie Valli or, shudder, Little Richard. It deserves additional note that the National Press Corps, exhibiting few instances of testicular development in the past several years, is probably among the first groups to experience the resultant changes in sexual identity.

The Christian Coalition, the Family Research Council, the Heritage Foundation, and other right-leaning organizations have already been plagued by intersexual behavior both internally and within their extended families. Sadie Fields, Dick Cheney, and Newt Gingrich are all examples of those who doth protest too much while family members limp wrist their way into the NATIONAL ENQUIRER. Fitting it is, thinks Frodo, that such people should begin to experience the trials of their political strategy. With the need for additional troops in Iraq and the Administration ban on federally-funded stem cell research, it may behoove some to be very careful about that for which they have wished.

As the saying goes, "It is not nice to fool Mother Nature."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:01 PM EDT

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Tuesday, September 5, 2006

Who's That Walkin' In These Woods
Mood:

cheeky
Topic: "Crikey" (2)
The first time that Frodo remembers watching Steve Irwin on some cable channel, he was attempting to find and capture each of the 10 deadliest snakes in the World. The first thing that Frodo noticed was that he was defying all of the conventional wisdom picking up each snake by the tail. He explained that it was not only safer than attempting to pin the snake and pick it up behind the head, but that it decreased the possibility that the animal would be harmed. Frodo stopped and paid attention.

The next time, when Frodo summoned Sam to watch this bizarre behavior, Irwin demonstrated why he was dubbed "The Crocodile Hunter." Frodo and Sam became regular viewers, not only because of the magnetic appeal of this young man, but because so much of the show took place in the "Outback" of his native Australia. Frodo did not know that viewers all over our small blue planet were doing exactly the same thing.

This past week, 44-year-old Steve Irwin was killed accidentally by a stingray while filming a segment for his television show off the Great Barrier Reef of Australia. As news reports indicate, the actual piercing of his heart by the barbed tail of the stingray was captured on video tape. It goes without saying that Irwin, had the accident struck another, would probably have argued to broadcast exactly what transpired. Frodo has no doubt that there would have been viewership far beyond those who actually watched Katie Couric this evening.

The effect that broadcast television has on the behavior of its' viewers has always fascinated Frodo. An example of the subtle influence that is woven into life by television occurred recently to Frodo at Lake Lovey. Frodo walked outside the cabin, alone strangely enough, and noticed movement in the driveway. For only the second time in more than 15 years, Frodo was confronted by an actual honest-to-Pete Copperhead.

The snake was about 4 feet long, and was slithering toward the rear of the cabin and the leaf camouflage of the deciduous forest. Anxiety was replaced by stupidity, and Frodo bent to pick up the snake by its' tail, something he had never before even contemplated. For some reason a small voice in the back of Frodo's head screamed, "Are you frickin' crazy?" Frodo was startled enough that he neglected to contemplate the danger posed to Mick, the Wonder Dog, or to Sam, for that matter, as he hesitated and allowed the snake to disappear into leaf cover. In two shakes of a lambs' tail, all sign of the snake had disappeared. Hopefully, Frodo's presence was akin to that of a Way Station and the traveler went on his way, far away.

Sam is not happy with Frodo over that faux pas to this day. Sam does not want Frodo to spend more time watching "Animal Planet." The situation is not a great deal different from Bilbo having forbidden young Frodo from ever watching "Peyton Place."

Frodo will miss Steve Irwin, and he finds it hard to believe that he will have to watch "Animal Cops" in his bedroom with a cover over the TV and the sound turned way down.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:23 PM EDT

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Sunday, September 3, 2006

I Think I'm Going Out of My Head Over You
Mood:

irritated
Topic: "Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
Frodo's father was a member of Tom Brokaw's "Greatest Generation." Serving as an enlisted man in George Patton's Third Army, he admired anybody and everybody who did their best to bring the War to a quick conclusion. He also had a grudging admiration for the manner in which the Germans had organized power and the civil accomplishments which served both military and civilian purposes. The Autobahn being the most obvious example.

Hitler, as history tells us, became the penultimate "micro manager" of his day. To the consternation of his commanding generals, Hitler took a more active role in military decisions as the situation worsened. In time, the pressure became so great that his mental health was being questioned by almost everyone with whom he came into contact. Eventually, for fear of the total destruction of their nation, members of the military, including Field Marshal Erwin Rommel, attempted to assassinate Hitler. It was the commanding generals who were most acutely aware of the pending disaster as Hitler issued commands for entire armies to stand and die when the situations were hopeless.

Frodo suggests that we now "fast forward" from 1944 to 2006, and change scenes from Berlin to Washington. Donald Rumsfeld, a "micro manager," replaced generals when they disagreed with him on the number of troops required. Six retired generals, having served directly under Rumsfeld, have called for him to be replaced as Secretary of Defense. A public affairs initiative has been launched by the Pentagon because it is felt in those circles that the "good news" about the Pre-Emptive War is not being adequately covered by those who dislike Rumsfeld, and quite obviously his boss.

Rumsfeld has taken to expressing the view, and the Republicans are speaking in political support, that those who disagree on policy decisions are akin to those who sought to appease Hitler in the late 1930's. Those who disagree aren't aware of the dangers of Fascism, in his mind. Frodo feels that Rumsfeld knows too well the definition of Fascism.

Paranoia probably was the root cause of the insanity of Adolf Hitler which had become so very evident by the Fall of 1944. Insanity is probably the cause of the paranoia that has become so very evident in the conduct of Donald Rumsfeld in the late Summer of 2006. "Staying the Course" is not an option when brave and loyal young men and women die because an irrational leader is unwilling to recognize that his involvement is a major contributing factor to the ongoing, and unnecessary, carnage.

If he had a brain, he'd walk.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:22 PM EDT

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Friday, September 1, 2006

So Never Leave Me Lonely, Tell Me You Love Me Only
Mood:

lyrical
Topic: "Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
Max Steiner is not a familiar name on its' own, but coupled with the opening credits on films like "Gone With the Wind," "Sergeant York," "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre," "Casablanca," "King Kong," "Dark Victory," and "Jezebel" the winner of three Academy Awards and the composer of the musical score for more than 250 films is familiar to every person over the age of consent who has ever seen a movie. There is no doubt that "The Searchers," the magnificent film directed by John Ford and starring John Wayne, contains Frodo's favorite score.

The magic of the Internet allowed Frodo to find that the Film Music Archives at Brigham Young University had produced a CD with the score from "The Searchers." Having almost memorized certain aspects of the dialogue, Frodo had often sat before the TV screen with his eyes shut just to drink in the audio. The violins and guitars are beyond reproach, and the use of the antique spinet almost sounds like the haunting balalaika of "Doctor Zhivago." Frodo took advantage and ordered his own personal copy of the score.

Frodo traveled alone for several hours yesterday, and the magical score from "The Searchers" accompanied him. Interstate 75 has never known such glorious tones. Frodo had visited, probably for the last time, the gallant Howard, Sam's father. It was the gallant Howard who held their hands together, then stepped aside, the ultimate act of gallantry.

As the score and the film conclude, Ethan walks away from the porch into the swirling dust to the words of the "Sons of the Pioneers," who sing "A man will search his heart and soul, go searchin' way out there, his peace of mind, he knows he'll find, but where oh lord, lord where, ride away, ride away."

Let's go home Debbie.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:55 PM EDT

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Monday, August 28, 2006

Don't Stop Thinkin' About Tomorrow
Mood:

energetic
Topic: "Littlest Angel" (2)

Walt Disney had one of the great creative minds of the twentieth century. Just ask Anaheim, Orlando, Paris, or anyone who has ever seen "The Lady and The Tramp," and all doubt will be erased from your mind, dear reader. Frodo was among those who sat enthralled before a screen in living black-and-white as Fess Parker and Fred MacMurray expanded his imagination from historical to hilarity. It was in this context that first he met Angel Macias.

"The Littlest Angel" was the story of a baseball team from Monterey, Mexico, that made its' way to the Little League World Series in Williamsport, Pennsylvania, more than 40 years ago. The team was led by its' star pitcher, Angel Macias.

Frodo often thinks of the fame that engulfed a 12 year-old-boy and wonders why Frodo remembers something so innocuous as one television show more than a generation later. Perhaps it is because Frodo did not expect the story to end there, perhaps, he thought, he would soon see Angel as the opposing pitcher in a Major League Game of great consequence. The anonymity that encompassed the later existence of Angel Macias is probably the greater lesson for Frodo.

Tonight Frodo watched the little boys of Japan lose to the little boys from Columbus, Georgia, in the latest rendition of the Little League World Series in Williamsport, Pennsylvania. The Columbus team was led by its' star pitcher, and everyone seemed to glow in his dominance. The few minutes made available to this young boy pass quickly from the pages to the footnotes, that is if we have learned anything from the experience of Angel Macias. It is, after all, but a game, and the real winner is the one who remembers not who won or lost, just that they were little boys, whose tomorrows are far more important than what they do today.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:43 PM EDT

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Friday, August 25, 2006

It Gets Hotter Than a Hoochie Coochie
Mood:

surprised
Topic: "One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
One year ago today Hurricane Katrina was crossing the Florida peninsula and settling in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico, and she was gathering strength. On the same day George W. Armstrong Custer Bush was clearing brush as he neared the end of another of his vacations from hard work. Michael Brown was busy issuing memos and wondering where he might have lunch. Antoine "Fats" Domino was relaxing in his modest home in the area known as the Ninth Ward, in New Orleans. Aaron Brown was preparing for his nightly chair of the day's events for CNN. Frodo trudged upward on Mount Doom, just as he had done the day before.

Hurricane Katrina struck Hancock County, Mississippi, head on, and swung in the direction of Lake Ponchartrain, which is the geographical north shore of the City of Orleans. The scene was set for the event that annually caused so many to mount hurricane tracking charts on the walls of "rec" rooms. A hurricane would raise water levels to the danger level and threaten the levee system itself, if the hurricane spun into Lake Ponchartrain.

If you've ever driven or flown in an easterly direction past the City of Orleans that high rise bridge to the Northeast of downtown spans where the first levee broke. The water spilled through that section of the Parish and engulfed all of the area between until it reached the Mississippi River to the South of downtown. The Ninth Ward and St. Bernard Parish are the points of reference at this point.

Almost five miles back from that break the 17th Street Canal separates Orleans Parish from Jefferson Parish. The second break occurred here, and the floodwaters poured into the Lakefront section of Orleans and on toward the Ninth Ward.

Frodo, like most of us, felt that the City had been spared. He did not yet know that the levees had broken once the hurricane itself moved out of Lake Ponchartrain and headed inland. Watching Aaron Brown one evening, he heard the impassioned reporting of Jeanne Meserve, and the impact of her words hit home.

The realization that comes when disaster strikes the homes and hearts of people and places that are part of your Shire, dear reader, is better than tomato juice and a raw egg. One gets sober very quickly.

One year ago today, Frodo felt that the City of Orleans would always be there, calling to him to come home and dance in her streets. Sam has said that going back now would be too painful.

One year ago today, Frodo was stung by the Sword of the Black Rider.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:38 PM EDT

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Thursday, August 24, 2006

Pain In My Heart Caused By You
Mood:

caffeinated
Topic: "Osama Can You See?" (2)
Frodo has spent much of the past twenty four hours listening to people who knew of what they spoke. Last evening, Christiane Amanpour's production "In the Footsteps of bin Laden," was televised on CNN. This morning, Tom Friedman talked live with Don Imus on the MSNBC show "Imus in the Morning." These two journalists have spent much of their lives visiting, observing, and talking with people in the Middle East. They know a lot of stuff, and they have personal contacts which allow them to gather even greater input.

Frodo learned last night that the attack on 9/11 was not viewed universally within the radical fundamentalists of Islam as a great victory. Many of bin Laden's peers felt that the assault on the United States would unleash the "800 pound gorilla," and result in catastrophic damage to the assets of their movement. According to her sources, Amanpour reported that this dialogue has been the major reason that no further attacks have so far been unleashed against the United States. Although planning for another assault is underway, and one cleric has already authorized al Qaeda to commit the deaths of up to "10 Million" American civilians in such an attack, the political discourse within radical Islam continues. The tapes released by al Qaeda are basically political propaganda spouting bin Laden's position.

Frodo wonders if George W. Armstrong Custer Bush, now on phase II of his month-long vacation (this time in Maine with his parents), knows that his efforts to prevent another assault on America have been basically irrelevant?

Tom Friedman first travelled to the Middle East when he was 16 years old. He has always sounded much like Gandalf when he discusses the make-up of this part of our small blue planet. Friedman has used the term "vacuum" time-and-again when discussing the institutional changes initiated by the Iraqi incursion, explaining that one must replace a broken brick with a new brick, or the whole wall will collapse upon itself. Frodo's analogy here is his own.

Friedman has concluded that there is no further role for the military arm of the United States in what has basically become an internal and civil conflict. Our military stands amidst what has basically become a struggle within Islam itself. A struggle between those who desire secular government, and those who desire a fundamentalist state. At the present time the US military serves no role other than to support one of these positions against the other. It is a more dangerous world because of our presence there, and Friedman grows increasingly pessimistic with each passing day.

Frodo has thought about the position of 130,000 brave young Americans, with Sunnis to the left of them, Shiites to the right of them, volleyed and thundered. Into the Valley of Death, in obedience to their Commander, ride the many hundred.

All it takes is a malignant ideologue who justifies the death of so many as "pay back" for many years of supplying and supporting those who committed "atrocities" against Islam. For this is exactly the position of those who follow bin Laden. There are now "a thousand" who would sacrifice themselves in a short flight into the Mess Hall of the largest concentration of US troops in Iraq. That is not the course for us to stay. In contrast to the Commander-in-Chief, Frodo argues that staying there will be the "disaster."

God grant Frodo's wish that he is wrong.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:10 PM EDT

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Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I'll Be Your Love Until The End of Time
Mood:

lucky
Topic: "Buckwheat Breathes" (2)

A 36 year-old graduate student at the University of California, Berkeley, conceptually, causes apoplectic fits for some people. "Professional student" Michael Park was doing research on Mount Diablo, a 3900 foot peak just east of San Francisco, last year when he found a plant no one had observed since it had been declared extinct in 1936. The Mount Diablo buckwheat was discovered in the same park where conservation groups brought the peregrine falcon back from near-extinction in 1989. In fact, 12 of the 650 plants which occur in the park are found nowhere else on our small blue planet.

Frodo was rather taken by the ecological significance of Mount Diablo and the state park of the same name. It seems that the park squats at the nexus of two small mountain ranges and the San Francisco Bay. The park has an unusual "blend" of rocks, soils, and growing conditions according to local scientists. Frodo was immediately sensitive to the words "blend" and "San Francisco" used to describe these environmental conditions. Perhaps Frodo exhibited a little too much of his natural cynicism.

The Mount Diablo buckwheat has been successfully grown both in the laboratory by artificial means and by natural propagation in the little patch where it was discovered. Seed has been collected and can be kept in storage for as long as 100 years. A preventative is thereby created to offset the danger of a natural, i.e. earthquake, disaster or a man-made screw-up like an errant campfire. All the bases have been covered to ensure that the Mount Diablo buckwheat only goes to extinct status one time.

Frodo has never seen Mount Diablo, but he is very familiar with much of the Southern Appalachians, home to the most diverse grouping of plants anywhere. There are probably 650 different plants in Frodo's front yard at Lake Lovey, dwarfing the entire botanical population of the Mount Diablo park. The difference may be that the University of California, Berkeley, sits next to Mount Diablo and it seems to produce students of nature and mankind. The University of Tennessee, Knoxville, sits near Lake Lovey, and they hope to go to the Peach Bowl this year, and to sing "Rocky Top" until they turn orange.

Funny how some people define "values," isn't it, dear reader?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:42 PM EDT

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Sunday, August 20, 2006

What a Difference a Day Makes, 24 Little Hours
Mood:

d'oh
Topic: "Who did it?" (2)
Sam is at the bedside of the gallant Howard. His operating systems are signing off one-by-one, and if the analogy were carried to the extreme, he would be an undisturbed blue screen. Preparations for this moment have ensured that no one will attempt to salvage the hard drive.

Frodo remains at the Shire, coordinating activities there and doing his utmost to maintain the strength of the American economy. The creatures of the Shire all miss Sam, as does Frodo. Frodo wishes for Sam that this last cycle of life will be a peaceful moment for the gallant Howard, and not revert to the nuance of a Dylan Thomas poem ("Rage, Rage, Against the Light; Do Not Go Gently Into That Good Night.").

Once, after the gallant Howard first stood all alone, he came to the Shire to spend time with Sam and Frodo. He loved the Shire because of its' devotion to native plants and restless little natives. Not unlike Frodo, for whom he always had great affection, the gallant Howard knew far more about the out-of-doors than he did the in-of-doors. So when the occasion arised that Sam was not present, and dishes needed washing, the operation of an automatic device was unfamiliar to them both. Being relatively intelligent Hobbits, they figured that the mysteries of such a device were not unsurmountable. That proved to be correct, however the solution to perform the actual cleansing selected by the two miscreants proved faulty.

Remember the movie, "Mister Roberts?" Henry Fonda played the lead and Jack Lemmon played Ensign Pulver, Laundry & Morale Officer, in this adaptation of a great Broadway play. In the movie Pulver finally blew up the Laundry and doused the entire ship in soap suds, remember that scene?

Frodo and the gallant Howard were confronted by a similar scene when the soap suds started pouring out of the automatic dishwasher from every conceivable crevice at an alarming rate. It took several minutes for the two of them to finally figure out how to halt the unwanted production of the glorious bubbles. By that time however, all of Sam's kitchen was covered in at least three feet of bubbles. It should be noted that the creatures of the Shire had all mysteriously vacated the in-of-doors and had been out-of-doors as soon as they had become aware of the joint efforts of Frodo and the gallant Howard in the first place.

Finally, the kitchen was devoid of bubbles, and, in fact, the kitchen to Frodo's eye, looked cleaner than at any moment prior. The two cavaliers decided amongst themselves that they would simply omit the afternoons' events from their discussions with Sam. It was as it is in the common parlance, "No harm, no foul."

Frodo was betrayed by the grinning gallant Howard, who announced to Sam and all the world that "your boy" (referring to Frodo) had quite a time while Sam was in absentia.

Sam received flowers and several expensive gifts. Frodo glared at Howard of the big mouth. Then he started to laugh.

Today, with tears in his eyes, Frodo laughs again about a moment in time that will always symbolize the friendship of Frodo and the gallant Howard. Turning on the dishwasher will never have quite the romance it did on that day, not so long ago.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:52 PM EDT

Updated: Monday, August 21, 2006 9:51 PM EDT

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