Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

If You Don't Know Me By Now You Will Never, Never Know Me
Mood:

down
"Professor Frodo, don't you think that tax cuts benefit the economy?," asked the youthful questioner of the visiting scholar from the Shire.

"Yes, and sometimes No," responded the pipe-smoking visiting scholar from the Shire.

"Well my Father says that extending tax cuts allows business to invest in their employees, create efficiencies, and improves productivity. That, he says, benefits American business, and that is all of us. What do you say to that?'" smirked the weasel-lipped legacy student from Texas.

"Well, your Father is certainly correct, sometimes," theorized the visiting scholar from the Shire.

"Jorge," said Frodo, "let me give you a little hard data from Bloomberg.com which you can extrapolate for yourself. In fact, I'll give you the data, and a brief interpretative statement, and your assignment will be to analyze it and to propose a proper course of action by the Executive Branch. We'll pretend that you are the President of the United States."

Snickers and uproarious laughter from the fellow membership of Skull and Bones fills the lecture hall. One unattributed comment is heard from the rear, "Right, Jorge will be President and gets a DUI while on his way to the Inaugural." More laughter, louder.

Professor Frodo frowns and the snickers die down.

"Jorge, the first two charts I'm putting on the blackboard reflect the percentage of total income earned by the "Top 20%" and the "Bottom 60%" income earners of the American populations in 1985 and in 2005."

Top 20%       Bottom 60%
1985 45.6     29.9

2005 50.4     26.6

"Now, add in the following for the ratio of CEO annual earnings as compared to the annual earnings of the average American worker in the years 1976, 1993, and in 2005."

CEO Earnings Compared to Average Worker

1976 36 times greater

1993 131 times greater

2005 369 times greater

"Jorge, Bloomberg.com utilizes these statistics to support the hypothesis that there is a growing gap between rich and poor in America. In fact, the actual quote from this financial news source is 'serious national concern.'"

"Now, do you still feel that extending tax cuts, which predominantly benefit the "Top 20%", is without danger to the stability of the country? Could it not be argued that the rich are getting richer, and that the poor are getting poorer? What would you do if you were President of the United States?"

Every head in the lecture hall turned to the seat occupied by the young man from Texas.

He snored softly.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:36 PM EST

Updated: Tuesday, December 19, 2006 8:29 PM EST

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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

If You've Got Soul Then Everybody Knows That It's Alright
Mood:

hug me
Topic: "Belling the Cat" (2)
Frodo and Gimli rang the bells, in harmony, for the soldiers of the Salvation Army again this past Saturday. Armed with the knowledge of eye contact, and preying upon the flashing smiles of toddlers, the Hobbit and the Dwarf brought forth echoes of clappers from the halls of the retail stores they surrounded. Offering the bell to a toddler to ring always produces a toothy grin and a parents' grudging need to offer coins for the kettle. Smiles and "Merry Christmas Y'All" make families skip into the parking lots with imaginary snowflakes blowing across their dreams of Christmas Day to come.

Frodo was interested in the "take," at first, but then he began to remember just how much fun it is to sing a little song, dance a little dance, and make little Hobbits laugh. More than anything else though, Frodo was humbled by the actions of one little boy, his Mom, and his Dad. The little boy was carrying a coffee can that he and his parents had been using as a collection point for extra pennies and nickels, all year long. Santa's little helper poured the entire contents into the kettle that the Hobbit and the Dwarf conveniently placed on the ground for easy access.

Santa's little helper may not know, today, that people displaced by Hurricane Katrina will benefit because of his coffee can. He may never have a chance to see hot meals being served to hungry people with no place to live. It is very unlikely that he will ever have someone walk up to him and remember him as Santa's little helper. What he will have is a memory, at Christmastime, that makes families, and days such as these so much a part of the Citizens of Middle Earth.

Frodo notes that Sam has a coffee can that is almost empty. Lessons learned dear reader, lessons learned.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:00 PM EST

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Sunday, December 10, 2006

Give Me Just a Little More Time
Mood:

sharp
Topic: "Frodo Study Group" (2)
Saddam Hussein has been sentenced to death and, sooner or later, somebody is planning to hang the old boy. Can you imagine, dear reader, what Iraq will be like, given the present circumstances, on that day?

The lock-step analyses of the Bush Administration and the Baker-Hamilton Study Group have, or will have soon, concluded that the major role for US Forces must move from combat to training. This, of course, assumes that both combat and training will be continuing endeavors between the present and the eventual "draw down" dates. Wouldn't it make more sense, dear reader, to minimize the combat role during the training phase?

Negotiating with ones' adversaries is not an uncommon event, and negotiations have produced documents as notable as the Magna Carta, for example. The United States spent many long hours in negotiations with the North Koreans in order to cease the fighting on the border of that member of the "Evil Axis." Negotiating with leverage, i.e. holding a trump card behind your back, and knowing that you have it, is as successful in Poker as it is in Nuclear Brinksmanship.

Given these observations, Frodo provides the following suggestions to Sauron as input to the "recommendations" he is analyzing, along with the ISG input, from his Generals "in the field" and from "his staff."

Set a date for the removal of all "Coalition" troops from Iraq. The date will precede the scheduled execution date of Saddam Hussein. Inform the Maliki Government that all in-country US troops will immediately be made available, embedded in Iraqi forces if so desired, to train and supply their Iraqi counterparts as their principal role and responsibility. The Governments of Syria and Iran will be informed of the final date of total troop drawdown, and offered the opportunity to participate in the schedule for implementation.

Frodo's plan defines who is doing what and when, and for the first time, why. Iran is a nation-state which is predominantly Persian Shiite. Syria is a nation-state which is predominantly Sunni. Since Iraq is a predominant conglomeration of Non-Persian (Arabic) Shiites, and Sunnis, the theoretical outside sponsors of insurgency (Iran and Syria) will be faced with the prospect of their present allegiance being torn asunder by their non-sectarian interests within Iraqi borders. Imagine Syria, for example, trying to defend the life of Saddam Hussein in order to appease their brothers in Iraq. Iran, on the other hand, will find itself dealing with many of the same Shiite Militia who currently exist, because the Persian and Arabic distinctions are as deep as are those of Sunni and Shi'ia. Didn't know that did you, dear reader? The bad news is neither does George W. Bush.

Setting a definite date, according to the Neo-Cons, would only mean that the insurgents will wait until the US is gone and then waltz into Baghdad. Well, not if the US Forces take advantage of the "lull" in fighting that is assumed and devote their maximum effort to training and supply. Then, the US will have done everything possible to help prepare the Maliki Government to take responsibility. Most importantly, they will know the date of the "final exam."

Frodo suggests November 11th, 2007. At the eleventh hour. Bagpipes would be nice.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:27 PM EST

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Saturday, December 9, 2006

Did You Ever See a Robin Weep
Mood:

quizzical
Topic: "I Could Cry" (2)
A cold day in the Shire is a very lonely day. The smallest of birds flit from tree-to-tree, and an occasional squirrel hangs upside down from a bird feeder stuffed with sunflower seeds. Beyond that the endless blue skies are silent, and nothing moves against the icy backdrop of shriveled vines and drooping plants.

Nothing, however, deters Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog, from their romp in pursuit of tennis balls and alien sniffs in the Shire. They tire quickly this morning and do not complain when Frodo turns and heads back to the warmth of the morning hearth. On the trail there is a pile of feathers, and Frodo is drawn to the point of recognition. One of the many songbirds which populate the Shire has met its' end, either from a feral feline or from the predatory avian skies. The coloration of the feathers tells Frodo that a towhee ended its days on this spot. There is no blood, nor any bone, simply feathers scattered in a circle almost as large as a basketball. There is nothing by which the perpetrator could be identified. There is only silence.

Frodo scans the skies for movement, but there is none. Although Frodo will miss the thrashing among the leaves which characterizes the towhee's search for food, and the characteristic "the tea" call, hawks and other predatory birds are part of the natural balance. On the other hand, feral cats are the result of the utter stupidity of human beings, and Frodo has little tolerance for the presence of either. If the assault on the towhee did emanate from this source, then Frodo has a right to grieve.

The balance, as Frodo calls it, is amazing. There seem to be fewer feral cats these days, so notes Frodo, in the areas around the Shire. Frodo suspects that it does not relate to the intellectual growth of mankind, but to his assault on the environment. As houses replace wooded lands, there are fewer natural habitats. Displaced are deer, bear, raccoons, among others and, most certainly, coyotes. Coyotes, once totally invisible, seem to be everywhere in the darkness, and small mammals, like cats, are easy picking. Nature it seems, has a new tool at her disposal to reduce the number of former human pets loosed on her preserve.

The towhee fell, opines Frodo, to meet the need. Either the predator who balances the natural order did as was intended, or the towhee attracted the aberrant who will be the discovery of the displaced predator.

It is a cold, and quiet, morning in the Shire. Every day is a lesson. Frodo has feeders to fill, dear reader. There is a hungry towhee somewhere near who can find space available amongst the fallen leaves of the Shire.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:58 AM EST

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Thursday, December 7, 2006

The Road Goes On Forever And The Party Never Ends
Mood:

special

The Pre-Emptive War of George W. Bush was most recently preceded by the Pre-Emptive War of the Empire of Japan. In the most recent instance the United States of America took the aggressor's step, as it similarly received the step of the aggressor 65 years ago this date, in infamy. Frodo recalls his presence just a few short years ago when Sam accompanied him to the Memorial just offshore from Ford Island. There was nothing superlative in Frodo's experience which overcame that which dwarfs the universal humility experienced by all who visit this platform over the USS ARIZONA. The loss of life, nay the loss of innocence, are felt by all who come here, regardless of their point of departure.

Frodo was concentrating on the slowly rising bubblets of oil. People about him had their own thoughts, and Frodo was not about to intrude. There was a gentleman with a camera, standing by himself, and glancing toward the USS MISSOURI, now tethered just behind the bier which is the monument to those resting below. His furtive eye contact with Frodo was both timid and hopeful. He lifted his camera in one hand toward Frodo, silently asking if Frodo would take his picture. Perhaps because Frodo stood alone, or maybe he thought Frodo younger than many of those who shared their time on that platform, but his eyes were translating words that separated him from all the rest of those at that place, at that time.

Frodo smiled and took the camera. With his back to the USS MISSOURI, the traveler from Japan stood solemnly and waited for the camera to click. When the photo was taken Frodo stepped forward and handed the camera back to the gentleman, and as the traveler bowed from the waist, so did Frodo. Frodo (pardon the phonetics here) said "Kaneechewah, " and the surprised Japanese traveler smiled and offered Frodo his hand. He said "Thank You." They boarded the tender together which carried them back across the harbor, and avoided eye contact the entire time. In a few hours the two travelers would board airplanes, heading in different directions.

Frodo wonders, to this day, if those few seconds are recalled as significantly, this day, as they were that day, on different sides of the small blue planet. Somehow, Frodo feels that he is mentioned, if not described, to many people, many times, half a world away.

Perhaps the treachery of War is something that non-participants, more than half a century later, can put to rest with their fathers. We had better hope that such will be the case 65 years from now.

"Day is done, Gone the Sun, From the Hills, From the Sky, All is Well, Safely Rest, God is 'Nigh."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:37 PM EST

Updated: Friday, December 8, 2006 10:18 PM EST

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Wednesday, December 6, 2006

Please, Please Baby, I Just Wanna Change My Mind. I Would Like to Start All Over Again
Mood:

sad
Topic: "Giving Way to Anger" (2)
6 out of 1,000 Americans presently stationed at the US Embassy in Baghdad speak Arabic with fluency. You read that correctly, six. Does Frodo have to dwell on the symbolism this single digit represents? The most powerful nation on the small blue planet has sent 1,000 people to its' far side to assist in the attainment of some objectives which virtually none of them can communicate to the people they are assigned to assist. Today, 10 Americans reported to the President that the effort is not successful. Concomitantly, 10 American servicemen also died on this day in Iraq.

This evening, Frodo is very sad. Tomorrow he will be angry, but tonight Frodo is sad. Sad that 25,000 of his fellow Citizens of Middle Earth are identified as casualties more than 1300 days after the effort was identified as "Mission Accomplished." Sad that the hopes and dreams of a better life for people who suffered under tyranny are dashed by anarchy. Sad that resources so important to the health and prosperity of the entire world have been lost, forever.

Frodo cannot help but wonder if George W. Bush realizes that these 79 recommendations are nothing more than a collective "trip to the woodshed" by people with the best of intentions and highest respect for the office of the Leader of the Free World? Sad is Frodo because he knows the answer to his own question.

Tomorrow, Frodo will be angry because six staffmembers of the American Embassy in Baghdad will be very busy communicating the recommendations of ten Americans. Tonight, Frodo is sad because ten more angels are on their way home.

The upshot is, that as Frodo agonizes, George W. Bush has already gone to bed. Sadness will, indeed, give way to anger.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:30 PM EST

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Monday, December 4, 2006

That's Why I'm Easy, I'm Easy Like a Sunday Mornin'
Mood:

chillin'
Topic: "Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)

Delta Airlines is in the midst of a fight against a hostile takeover. Hoping to emerge from Chapter XI Bankruptcy stronger and better able to confront the challenges of competition, the company has recently initiated several new direct flights to overseas locations. Frodo and Sam, upon the conclusion of their recent travel soiree', had the occasion to travel aboard one of these ballyhooed innovations.

It is true that, inexplicably, Frodo and Sam were each served a complimentary miniature bottle of wine, and that it it was, indeed, a pleasant addition to the experience. Ten hours passes so much quicker when the senses are numbed.

It is also true that a complimentary headset allowed Frodo to "surf" the pre-packaged music provided by the "good skies" guys. It was also not too big a turn-off that much of the music had been imported from the Otis Elevator Company. Ten hours also passes quickly while day-dreaming about replacing Emmitt Smith on "Dancing With the Stars."

However, Frodo needs to note that it seems as if the seats are allowed to retract even further than in earlier days. The uncouth Neanderthal in front of Frodo kept her dead butt resting on Frodo's knees for the entire flight. Remember, dear reader, Frodo is a Hobbit, and the extent of his legs is not extraordinary.

The worst part, without a doubt, is the continual re-cycling of air throughout the passenger sections of the plane. Frodo now understands that the relative humidity in these cabins approximates that of the desert Southwest, and that more than 25% of all passengers on extended flights report sinus and bronchial discomfort within 48 hours. It also did not help Frodo that the passenger sharing the three-across seats with Frodo and Sam coughed and hacked his way across the entire Atlantic Ocean. It should be noted by the TSA that this individual appeared to be Arabic.

Frodo is very concerned about safety in the air. Given his recent experience, and the subsequent cold and sinus infections which struck both of the tandem Hobbits, Frodo is proposing that the Department of Homeland Security should screen pre-boarding passengers to identify infectious subjects. Who is to deny the possibility that a terrorist might intentionally infect himself/herself with something communicable? The nomenclature might be for a "Suicide Sneezer," if you will.

If all goes well, they might also consider screening out anyone planning to retract their seat from an upright position.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:51 PM EST

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Sunday, December 3, 2006

There's a Killer On The Road
Mood:

loud
Topic: "Kodak Moment" (2)

Jim Webb probably has as much interest in having his picture taken with George W. Bush as Frodo has in having a photograph taken with Smeagol. The Senator-Elect from the State of Virginia was roundly assaulted by Columnist George Will for his apparent snub of the congeniality initiated by Sauron. Webb, claims Will, responded to the Presidential inquiry of "How's your boy?," with a shortarm reference to the need to get all of the troops home from Iraq. Sauron, with his nose now bent out of joint, followed up the retort with something to the effect that that was not his question, he wanted an answer to "How's your boy?" At that point Webb evidently told him that it was none of his business, or something along that line.

Frodo has long-believed that George Will pays deference to George W. Bush because Bush traded Sammy Sosa to the hapless Chicago Cubs. Will thinks he owes Bush.

For one, Frodo was quite proud of the soon-to-be Senator. Without a single obscenity, Webb let the President know that his attempt at personal interest in relation to one of the very few offspring of any political personage involved in the pre-emptive war was not a welcome area of discussion. Frodo has been trying to think how he might have responded had the Incomparable Moron asked him a similar question, in order to not have offended Mr. George Will.

"How's your boy?"

"Thank you for asking Sir. He's actually doing quite well as I understand. He has been on R & R in Argentina. Evidently, Argentina is a good place for a single young guy to go sow 'a few wild oats,' if you know what I mean."

"Argentina, you say?"

"Yessir, evidently he had quite a time with a couple of chickies from back in Texas somewhere, and they just about wore him out."

"Is that Senator-to-be Corker I see over there?"

"Listen George, from what I hear those two girls picked up a lot from their old man, wink wink!"

"Well, I certainly hope that your boy gets home safe and sound."

"Oh I know you do. You see Commander-in-Chief, little Jenna left her purse under the bed, and my son sent it to me. Those girls must have told you that they had some interesting items in that purse. I understand they reported it stolen."

"I beg your pardon? What are you talking about?"

"Do you want to tell the American people about the surgical procedure little Jenna went through in Buenos Aires, or do you want me to release it directly to The Washington Post?"

"Uh, I'll tell you Mr. Frodo, why don't you and the Mrs. join Laura and me out at the ranch in Crawford this weekend?"

"Mr. President, I am just so pleased and proud that you are so sincere about working with the incoming Congress in an impartial, nonpartisan effort to get things accomplished."

"You'll come then?"

"Not on your life you hairless lizard. Now get this, you will accept the Baker Commission Report as submitted, and will proceed with the complete adoption of their recommendations on Iraq immediately."

"But. . ."

"Butt this, you will reverse your position on government funding for Stem-Cell Research tomorrow, and then you will announce that the government will no longer seek to eliminate the Estate Tax."

"You can't do things like that to the President. . ."

No, maybe Frodo couldn't, but if it meant saving the life of somebody's son from this stupid, nonsensical, useless War, then what Frodo might actually do would truly surprise George Will, that is, if he has a conscience.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:33 PM EST

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Saturday, December 2, 2006

You're The Warmest Thing I've Ever Found
Mood:

hug me
Topic: "Puppy Angel" (2)
Fiona Richie is the host of a show on National Public Radio called "Thistle & Shamrock." As Frodo jests, the show does not trace the history of rock music and its' impact on 21st Century American culture. In fact, the show does feature the Celtic roots of music familiar to most Americans. Sam is a devotee of the show, and Frodo feigns attentiveness whenever they are jointly trapped in the motorcar and Sam commands the radio. The show, seemingly, has been on since the demise of the last Ice Age.

Some years ago, Frodo and Sam visited the local PetSmart on "Adoption Day," sponsored by the Paulding County Humane Society. Lovey, the noble Border Collie, was aging, and both Frodo and Sam were thinking about a "trainee" for the noble Lovey. Frodo took note of a small brown puppy with blue eyes, being held over the shoulder of an adoption volunteer, and he pointed it out to Sam. The contact was immediate, and very moving. When Frodo agreed that this could be an addition to the travelers of the Shire, Sam began to cry and to mouth the words "Thank You" to Frodo. It was a look that Frodo immediately burnt onto the DVD of his memory machine.

The blue eyes did not remain, replaced by a more descriptive devilish tint on the chocolate-colored miniature mix. Over the years the puppy grew to the 20-pound category and was forever classified as a "miniature chocolate lab" whenever queries as to the "type" were received.

Frodo prides himself in the cognomen creations applied to Shire additions. "Fiona" won quick acceptance from Sam, since it was clear that the two of them would spend many hours together listening to the pipers and purveyors of Robbie Burns.

Fiona, as noted previously, was a bit too much to handle for the noble Lovey, so she was soon followed by Fiona's permanent playmate Mick, the Wonder Dog. Fiona however, was always viewed as Sam's dog.

In recent times some things have changed. Fiona is less willing to travel with Sam on adventures in the motorcar when Frodo remains at home in the Shire. In fact, whenever Frodo curls up on a toadstool in order to watch his favorite teams get shellacked by ignorant vandals from Texas or some other brink of civilized society, Fiona is afoot, snoozing until Frodo screams an epithet at some injustice on the television screen.

At night, Fiona sleeps in her own bed, but finds a way to slip up next to Frodo somewhere around the dawn. Invariably she throws her rounded hind end up next to Frodo, with the result being a 50 degree increase in Frodo's body temperature. This, according to Frodo, is the animal with the highest degree of body heat known to science. Frodo, who sleeps with as little protection as possible, is continuously disturbed by the super-heated presence behind his knees.

Frodo has discussed this problem with Sam on numerous occasions. Frodo's references to "your" dog are not well-received given the recent tenor of Fiona's loyalties. Frodo is convinced that it is part of a vast canine conspiracy, in which Sam is merely a willing pawn. Mick, the Wonder Dog, imitates "de Tar Baby," and enjoys his uninterrupted head-out-of-the-window sojourns with Sam in the motorcar. Sam does not have to listen to competitive barking, and Fiona, well Fiona never misses a little extra support for her hips.

With the advent of Winter, the problem will not be without some benefit to Frodo. At the very least he has the time to think of a solution before Springtime comes again.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 5:52 PM EST

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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

The Lift is Up Where We Belong, Where The Eagles Cry On a Mountain High
Mood:

cool
Topic: "Aegean Adventure" (2)

When the wind blows around a volcanic outcropping, it is as if sails blossom in the mind. Mythology must have been born in moments such as those. Dreaming of far-off lands and great adventure happens today as it did for Homer and for Ovid. The Islands of Greece were to Frodo as Plymouth Rock must have been for Pilgrims, a place to experience with all of the senses.

Katokolon was once a simple village for fishermen. Today, as witness to thousands of visitors bent for the ruins of Olympia, Katokolon is predominantly a collection of shops gathering tourist coinage. Frodo was on a mission of great importance however, for the day preceded by one the anniversary of Sam's birth. Frodo desired a card, in Greek, spelling out the grand holiday as a special souvenir for his traveling companion and comrade-in-arms. Alas, the cards to be found were all of the postal type, and Frodo was distraught. A shopkeeper noted his distress, and although she spoke no English, and Frodo speaks no Greek, she did her best to assist him. Finally, she identified exactly what it was that was the object of Frodo's shopping. Although she did not have birthday cards in her inventory, she supposed that there may be some at a rival shop around the corner. After pointing Frodo in the proper direction, she stopped him and slowly enunciated two words in Greek to Frodo. She repeated them several times and Frodo finally understood that she was trying to teach him to say the two words. She taught Frodo to say "birthday card," in Greek.

A bit later Sam entered upon Frodo as he spoke the words to the shopkeeper around the corner. Sam sensed Frodo's disappointment at his lack of success, and encouraged him to sit at a table outside a bar and observe the setting sun on the small harbor. There was but a single fisherman, and he was slowly decapitating creatures in a plastic bucket at his feet. Frodo ordered an Ouzo, and was charmed by the licorice taste in a liquid turned milky by the presence of ice. The fisherman saw Frodo aim his camera, and he smiled. It is a grand picture.

Even in the midst of failure, Frodo found beauty, great taste, and humanity. Yasou.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:27 PM EST

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