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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
"One Down, More Comin'"
"One For the Good Guys"
"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
"Opportunity Sox" (3)
"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
"Osama Can You See?" (2)
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"Our Town" (8)
"Out Damned Spot (2)"
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"Pace Car" (3)
"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
"Passion Flowers" (5)
"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
"Patsy for America"
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"Permanent Vacation" (5)
"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
"Problems?" (4)
"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
"Punxatawney Bush"
"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
"Rumblin' Bumblin'" (3)
"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
"Sauron Psalms" (2)
"Sauron's Scythe" (4)
"Savin' Gas" (4)
"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
"Scooter" (2)
"Scott Free" (4)
"Sears and Loveaduck" (5)
"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
"Serendipity Strikes" (3)
"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
"Skull and Bones"(4)
"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
"Smellin' Roses"
"Smirk Jerk" (2)
"Smokin' Pesticide Dope"
"Smoochy Time" (4)
"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
"Sorcerer's Apprentice"
"Soul Train" (5)
"Souter Rules, Dude"
"Southern Ladies" (5)
"Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)
"Space Poop" (3)
"Speechifyin'" (4)
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"Spelling, -23" (6)
"Sperm Count" (3)
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"Spoonerized" (6)
"Spring Equal Knox" (3)
"St. George" (4)
"Stan & Ollie"(7)
"State Dinner" (3)
"States' Rahts" (3)
"Sticker Shock"
"Stolen Bases" (3)
"Stragedy" (2)
"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
"Strip Searched" (9)
"Stupidly" (5)
"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
"Subsidizing Seeds"(6)
"Sunday, Sunday"(9)
"Sunni Daze" (4)
"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
"Survey Says" (6)
"Sweet Georgia Brown"
"Swiss Miss" (5)
"Take a letter, dearie"
"Take It Off Baby" (5)
"Takes a Worried Man"(4)
"Talibanme Banana"(8)
"Talkin' Turkey" (3)
"Tax Driver" (9)
"Taxpayer Assistance (2)"
"Tea Olive" (7)
"Tear Down That Wall"(4)
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"Ten Cent Coke" (3)
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"Term Paper" (5)
"Terminal? Great!"
"Terre Bonne" (6)
"Terrible Swift Sword"(6)
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"Tess of the Dorghis" (8)
"Texas Exes" (8)
"Thank the Academy"(4)
"Thank You Rand Paul"
"Thank You, Molly" (2)
"Thanks, Dad" (3)
"Thar She Blows"
"That Looks Like Me"(5)
"That's the way it is"(5)
"Thawt Yuze a Toad"(7)
"The 60 Year Struggle"(5)
"The Atlanta Eye" (6)
"The Blue Dog"(11)
"The Boston Massacre"(9)
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"The Brotherhood Begins"
"The Eyes of Texas"
"The Forum" (2)
"The Future is Now (2)"
"The Garden of Good"
"The Good Book" (4)
"The Good Doctor"(6)
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"The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)
"The Important Stuff"
"The Italian Stallion"
"The Litany" (6)
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"The Non-Issue" (3)
"The Perfect Storm" (2)
"The Pre-Fellowship"(4)
"The Prophecy"
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"The Second Amendment"
"The Silver Sow Award"(3)
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"The Turtle" (3)
"The Union Label"(6)
"There is a Virginia" (2)
"They're He-ear" (4)
"Thin Ice, Frodo" (4)
"Third Strike Nuance (2)"
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"To Arms, To Arms"
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"Tom Bombadil isDying"(7)
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"Tom" (4)
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"Tora Bora Lora. . ." (2)
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"Tra La,Spring,Tra La"(6)
"Train Wreck"(8)
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"Travel Sucks" (4)
"Tree Fishin' (2)"
"Trees v. Forest"(9)
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"Trouble Sleepin'" (3)
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"Unconditional Surrender"
"Unconventional, you say?"(7)
"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
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"Untimely Events"
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"Vandals at the Gates"(2)
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"Veto Shmetoe (2)"
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"Video Thriller"(5)
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"Virgin Birth" (2)
"Virginia is 4 Lovers"(4)
"Virginia Lovers" (4)
"Vom Winde Verweht" (2)
"Vote for Steve" (2)
"Vote Frodo (Not)"(7)
"W is for Wuss""
"Wait 'til Next Year" (2)
"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
"Walkin' the Dogs"(8)
"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
"War on Middle Class"(2)
"War on Tara"
"Warm Bucket of Spit"(4)
"Was Miers His Attorney?"
"Watch Mr. Wizard" (3)
"Water Into Wine" (11)
"Water into Wine?"
"Watts da plan, Man?"(5)
"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
"We Will Rock You"
"Weather Channel Follies"
"Weddin' Down South" (3)
"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
"What is a Shimkus?" (2)
"What Mark Felt"
"What Schedule?" (2)
"What Time Is It (2)"
"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
"Wiccan I do for you?"(2)
"Wicked Pickett"
"Wide Stance" (4)
"Will better be?"(7)
"Willard" (7)
"Willie B had heart" (5)
"Winchester Women (2)"
"Wink at the Moon"
"Winter Solstice"
"Wishin' and Hopin'"
"Wither Channels" (5)
"Wither Weather"(9)
"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
"Worth Waiting For?"(5)
"Write a Letter" (7)
"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
"Wyomin' Gloamin'" (2)
"Xmas in Shreveport"(6)
"Yahoo" (4)
"Yankee Humor" (5)
"Yankee Ingenuity"
"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
"Yellow Peril" (3)
"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Ya Gotta Be a Man, Ya Gotta Take a Stand, Only The Strong Survive
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "The Perfect Storm" (2)

Saddam Hussein's appeal was denied today, thereby requiring under "Iraqi Law" that the death sentence be carried out within 30 days (January 25th).

George W. Bush will thrill the world with another "State of the Union" address on January 23rd.

George W. Bush has announced that he will decide, finally, his new and improved "stragedy" for the situation in Iraq "early in the New Year."

This confluence of events is not just ominous, it is life-threatening.  The momentum that can swing events careening toward the precipice are all in motion at the same time, and even the Prince of Peace can offer little but a respite. 

Frodo is standing, hands on hips, looking up at Mount Doom.  Despite the best efforts of the Fellowship, and the determined assistance of Sam, there is the equivalent of a 100-foot wave bearing down on the Hobbits of Middle Earth.  Countless brave men and women are in harm's way, facing assailants fore and aft, in the midst of an internecine struggle in a country that does not exist, and never has.  The artificial borders neatly drawn on maps are subject to ethnic and religious entanglements which threaten to drown thousands in uncontrolled violence and bloodshed.  No place is safe.

Not since the New Year of 1942 has there been an ominous moment that ensures little, if any, joy in the turning of the calendar.  As the American military monthly death count in December races to exceed the record that belongs to October, Frodo looks at January with the anxious eyes of one who foresaw disaster from the first day.  Frodo turns to Sam and says, "You ain't seen nothin' yet."

Would that Frodo, at long last, finally be proven incorrect.  That is Frodo's prayer.  Please join in.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:56 PM EST
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Monday, December 25, 2006
Say It Loud
Mood:  blue
Topic: "Blue Christmas" (2)
There are some who capture attention, just by walking into a room. When James Brown performed everyone paid attention to the stage, albeit not necessarily to the same things. For some, it was the lyrics that tied the beat into the mood and produced dialogue; and Papa had a brand new "bag." The costumes glistened without either rhinestones or a lack of good taste; they were surprisingly upscale. The choreography intermeshed the routine with the spontaneous and taking ones' eyes off the prize was therefore unthinkable. Finally, there was the music itself, whether it was to wail love's desire or to move the legs and hips of an audience, it never failed to offer an avenue for self-expression by the listener. Yes, dear reader, James Brown was a mighty man, and now he is no more.

Frodo remembers one aspect of this personality not covered well by the pundits this evening. James Brown was a peacemaker. He was used on several occasions by concerned levels of government to quell the emotions of the otherwise disenfranchised. His words were delivered in person or by the media to throngs threatening to turn to violence against injustice, and people listened to what he had to say. It is the greatest compliment Frodo can give on this day, to remember a man because he stood for peace and non-violence.

It goes without saying that James Brown was a flawed man, but artists are expected to experience depression and mood swings simply because of the creative process itself. Bad behavior is bad behavior however, and even James Brown had to pay the price for unacceptable conduct. That does not mean that he was any less an entertainer, or lacked musical artistry. James Brown took command of the changing tastes and emotions of his audiences and let them move to a new definition of the audio intake.

Frodo has been plagued however, by a single phrase in a single song for many years. Have you, dear reader, ever seen anyone dance the "Jump Back Jack?" Alas, perhaps on some dance floor somewhere Frodo will be taken by the hand and taught the solution to what portends to be one of those mysteries which live on after all of us. It would be wrong to make something up on his own and simply call it the "Jump Back Jack", because Frodo knows that James would be watching him, and laughing. Hobbits have big feet.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:47 PM EST
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Saturday, December 23, 2006
I Really Wanna Know You, But It Takes So Long My Sweet Lord
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "Billy World" (2)
Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) took his family cross-country in order to visit "Wally World." Imagine, dear reader, someday taking your family to visit a barn with a glass-entry in the shape of a cross, within which you will first be greeted by a talking cow who will lead you through the exhibits to the burial spot of the Reverend Billy Graham and his wife Ruth. Frodo supposes that you will then be able to buy a "Billy Graham Loved Me" Tee Shirt, and a Slurpee for the long ride home.

Franklin Graham, the 54-year-old son of Billy and Ruth, the developer of said project, is in conflict with his brother Ned and his three sisters over the eternal plans for their mother and father. Add in the fact that Ruth is totally against being buried in the theme park, wanting only to be buried next to her husband near their mountain cabin home. Billy, so we are told, is torn between the wishes of his wife and his belief in his son's judgment.

Frodo notes that Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker developed a theme park near Rock Hill, South Carolina, during their heyday. "Billy World" would be located just outside Charlotte, North Carolina, the home of NASCAR and few other tourist attractions. The Carolinas, which provide a buffer between the Atlantic Ocean and the American coastline, are a prime locale for such creations which some might feel make a mockery of the faithful. "Frankly," says Frodo, "given the perspective of global warming, doesn't it make sense that all these yahoos should be congregated in an area that could be destroyed by rising floodwaters?"

Charlton Heston is in pretty bad shape these days, so Franklin Graham may want to carefully consider whom he might call upon to part the floodwaters should the inevitable overtake the eternal. The Messianic leadership circles are badly thinned by sex and deviant sex shenanigans in recent times. In fact, such a task might actually have to be outsourced. It may not sit too well with the faithful if Arnold Schwarzenegger, Wesley Snipes, or Katie Couric were chosen to portray divine guidance.

Frodo is compelled to point out that there is another place on the little blue planet where religious people go to sanctify their faith on the bier of the divine. It is called Mecca; only there they don't sell Slurpees.

The Sioux Indians, who called themselves "the human beings," buried their great Chief Crazy Horse in a secret spot, undiscovered to this day, in the lands that had been their tribal home. Silly Indians, look at all the admission charges they lost.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:57 PM EST
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Thursday, December 21, 2006
I Fooled Around And Fell in Love
Mood:  happy
Topic: "Virgin Birth" (2)
Parthenogenesis is a process of asexual reproduction. Eggs become embryos without male fertilization, and parthenogenesis has been observed in about 70 species. As Christmas approaches, scientific explanations of current events make Frodo pay special attention to the details at hand. Flora, a Komodo Dragon at the Chester Zoo in England, has become pregnant on her own, and is scheduled to deliver seven little Komodren shortly. Parthenogenesis has never before been noted in Komodo Dragons.

At 8 years of age Flora is sexually mature. Having been raised entirely in captivity, she has never been exposed to a male Komodo Dragon. In May, Flora laid 25 eggs, a not uncommon event among many species, but the shocker came when it was determined that several of the eggs were fertile. DNA testing proved that only the genetic presence of the "Mother" existed in the offspring-to-be.

Parthenogenesis is an "either-or" occurrence in all previously observed instances. The Komodo Dragon is the first creature capable of reproducing both sexually and asexually. This survival weapon is not only important in a world where the remaining 4,000 Komodo Dragons include only 1,000 males, but it gives the Komodo a "tool" that separates it from all "higher" forms of life.

Don Imus, the bizarre but entertaining host of "Imus in the Morning," has been, of late, querying each of his male guests about any sexual relationship involving Mary Cheney, the daughter of the Vice President of the United States. Imus is conducting a personal investigation in order to determine the true parentage of the pregnant admitted lesbian.

Frodo notes a certain similarity in the appearance and the demeanor of the Komodo Dragon and the Cheney family. The long winter nights in Wyoming make for very strange bedfellows, supposes Frodo, and it is certainly the most sparsely distributed population in all of the lower 48 states. Imus may want to consider genetic testing.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:43 PM EST
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Wednesday, December 20, 2006
But It's Only Make Believe
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: "You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"Wanda Hickey's Night of Golden Memories" was Frodo's initial confrontation with a fearless comic chronicler of the Twentieth Century in America. Despite all evidence to the contrary, PLAYBOY magazine was widely-read by those seeking additional information about John Dillinger, why toes curl during sex, and what caused Jimmy Carter to "lust in my heart." Jean Shepherd was introduced to Hobbits and Elves alike beside the glistening likenesses of Barbi Benton and all her sisters-in-air-brush-magic.

Ralphie was Shepherd's character who desperately wanted a Red Ryder BB-Gun for Christmas, and his adventures that winter caught the imagination of an entire generation who were not ashamed to admit that they, too, had stuck their tongue on at least one frozen flagpole. The TV adaptation of Shepherd's short story is a part of television viewing as real as either Jimmy Stewart, Ed Asner, or Natalie Wood. Darren McGavin portrayed the Father of "Everyman" who had failed to recall a single item of desire while seated on Santa's knee. Who among us can ever forget the display of the only thing that Ralphie's Dad had ever won?

It was reported recently that the house, in Cleveland Ohio, which was the backdrop for that marvelous TV production, was sold via E-Bay, over the Internet, for $150,000. The purchaser has converted the house into a museum, charging $5 for the tour, and opened an obligatory gift shop across the street. Amidst the Tee shirts, the bulls-eye targets, and the snowsuits with bunny feet, there is one mail-order item which is making the venture into a real money maker. As of this writing more than $700,000 in orders of "leg lamps" have been shipped to purchasers around the world. These duplicates of McGavin's display in the front window have become a cult classic.

Frodo eventually got his Red Ryder BB-Gun, he beat the hell out of the neighborhood bully after years of misery, and he always thought that the little house on Buchanan Street would make a great museum. He thinks of these things every time he thumbs through an old copy of PLAYBOY.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:44 PM EST
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Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Oh Me, Oh My I'm a Fool For Ya Baby
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Sam Shopping" (2)

The Discovery Store at the Towne Center Mall and Mausoleum has always come through for Frodo in the past.  On any given workday, prior to lunchtime, he could slip away from Mount Doom long enough to wander aimlessly through the mercantile establishment and find something appropriate, if not interesting, for Sam's Christmas present.  The choices available for 2006 however, appear either redundant or juvenile.  There is nothing which catches the eye, or the imagination of a Hobbit.  Frodo is in big trouble.

In Seasons past, Frodo "discovered" a rotating, blue light caller identification device that is visible from across a room.  The device clearly identifies the source number and name which accompanies the intrusive ringing during dinnertime.  With this device, Frodo and Sam will never know who tries to keep calling them from Nacogodoches, Texas, and they are much happier as a result.  The updated version of this same device was all over the display floor.

Another time Frodo "discovered" a motorized device which trims, buffs, polishes, waxes, and anything else that one may do to the nails and cuticles on their appendages.  The practical application of this device is similar to a Swiss Army Knife, in that there are so many options that it may take years for one to master all of the tools at ones' disposal.  The only difference between Sam's device and the newer model seems to be that the newer one is a 5-speed automatic, while Sam's is a manual transmission. 

The majority of the adult display floor was devoted to a massaging device which is installed into the rear of a luxurious (rich Corinthian) leather chair.  Supposedly it vibrates in a manner which results in a complete breakdown of all tension and stress.  Frodo did not doubt that at all, for it bears a striking resemblance to the device utilized in many Southern States to execute death penalty recipients. 

What really concerned Frodo is that all of the "adult" devices which have served him well in prior visits have suffered loss of floor presence to "juvenile" items.  Although Frodo finds  the "virtual volcano" fascinating, he is not sure that there is any kind of practical application for the Shire.  The same may be said for nearly any of the portable updated "transistor radios" which Frodo scorns as camouflauge from the real sounds of the world around him.

The challenge, dear reader, is formidable.  Frodo has already considered, and rejected, clothing, jewelry, aromatics, food items, live animals, exercise machinery, furniture, and reading material.  All of these items could be interpreted as critical of the present state of bliss that is associated with the relationship of the two Hobbits.  An exercise bike, for example, may be interpreted as a signal that one has partaken of too much fudge during the holiday season.

Alas, only George W. Bush is as void of creativity to problem-solving as is the Hobbit.  Suggestions, anyone?   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:27 PM EST
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Monday, December 18, 2006
It Would Sure Do Me Good To Do You Good, Let Me Help
Mood:  loud
Topic: "Vandals at the Gates"(2)
One of the greatest Icons, not to be confused with Neocons, in the American South was the legendary football coach at the University of Alabama, Paul "Bear" Bryant. Frodo's favorite story about Bryant has to do with the two banquets held to honor the collegiate careers of quarterbacks Joe Willie Namath and Kenny Stabler. For the uninitiated, Namath was the Alabama quarterback for four years, and Stabler took over the helm afterwards.

At the banquet held to honor Namath after his final game at Alabama, Bryant said that Namath was the greatest quarterback in the history of the University of Alabama. The following year, after Stabler had amassed statistical accomplishments which dwarfed the performances of the now-sainted Namath, Bryant acknowledged Stabler as the "greatest quarterback in the last five years" at the University of Alabama.

Frodo recalls that story because of the testimonial offered by the Vice President of the United States, Richard Cheney (appropriately known as "Dick"), in behalf of out-going Defense Secretary Don Rumsfeld. Cheney referred to Rumsfeld as the "greatest Secretary of Defense in the history of the United States." This morning, Cheney was there to administer the oath of office to, presumably, the "best Secretary of Defense during this Administration," Robert Gates.

Frodo watched Tom Friedman on "Meet the Press" this past Sunday and, as the story goes, actually kissed the TV when Friedman spoke his mind. Friedman said that if all that were true, then "George W. Bush is a fool, or Dick Cheney is a liar." Friedman noted that Bush had fired Rumsfeld at one of the most intense periods in our national history. If, indeed, he was the best SOD ever, then Bush must be a fool. On the other hand, if he weren't the best ever, then Cheney lied.

Tom, push both buttons. These are not mutually exclusive states of being. Frodo wants to carry the current parlance even further by asserting that not only is this the "worst Presidential Administration" in our national experience, it is, in Frodo's opinion, the worst administered government produced in the Western World since the dawn of the Industrial Revolution.

Good luck Mr. Gates, and don't take any wooden nickels.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:18 PM EST
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Wednesday, December 13, 2006
If You Don't Know Me By Now You Will Never, Never Know Me
Mood:  down
"Professor Frodo, don't you think that tax cuts benefit the economy?," asked the youthful questioner of the visiting scholar from the Shire.

"Yes, and sometimes No," responded the pipe-smoking visiting scholar from the Shire.

"Well my Father says that extending tax cuts allows business to invest in their employees, create efficiencies, and improves productivity. That, he says, benefits American business, and that is all of us. What do you say to that?'" smirked the weasel-lipped legacy student from Texas.

"Well, your Father is certainly correct, sometimes," theorized the visiting scholar from the Shire.

"Jorge," said Frodo, "let me give you a little hard data from which you can extrapolate for yourself. In fact, I'll give you the data, and a brief interpretative statement, and your assignment will be to analyze it and to propose a proper course of action by the Executive Branch. We'll pretend that you are the President of the United States."

Snickers and uproarious laughter from the fellow membership of Skull and Bones fills the lecture hall. One unattributed comment is heard from the rear, "Right, Jorge will be President and gets a DUI while on his way to the Inaugural." More laughter, louder.

Professor Frodo frowns and the snickers die down.

"Jorge, the first two charts I'm putting on the blackboard reflect the percentage of total income earned by the "Top 20%" and the "Bottom 60%" income earners of the American populations in 1985 and in 2005."

Top 20%       Bottom 60%
1985 45.6     29.9

2005 50.4     26.6

"Now, add in the following for the ratio of CEO annual earnings as compared to the annual earnings of the average American worker in the years 1976, 1993, and in 2005."

CEO Earnings Compared to Average Worker

1976 36 times greater

1993 131 times greater

2005 369 times greater

"Jorge, utilizes these statistics to support the hypothesis that there is a growing gap between rich and poor in America. In fact, the actual quote from this financial news source is 'serious national concern.'"

"Now, do you still feel that extending tax cuts, which predominantly benefit the "Top 20%", is without danger to the stability of the country? Could it not be argued that the rich are getting richer, and that the poor are getting poorer? What would you do if you were President of the United States?"

Every head in the lecture hall turned to the seat occupied by the young man from Texas.

He snored softly.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:36 PM EST
Updated: Tuesday, December 19, 2006 8:29 PM EST
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Tuesday, December 12, 2006
If You've Got Soul Then Everybody Knows That It's Alright
Mood:  hug me
Topic: "Belling the Cat" (2)
Frodo and Gimli rang the bells, in harmony, for the soldiers of the Salvation Army again this past Saturday. Armed with the knowledge of eye contact, and preying upon the flashing smiles of toddlers, the Hobbit and the Dwarf brought forth echoes of clappers from the halls of the retail stores they surrounded. Offering the bell to a toddler to ring always produces a toothy grin and a parents' grudging need to offer coins for the kettle. Smiles and "Merry Christmas Y'All" make families skip into the parking lots with imaginary snowflakes blowing across their dreams of Christmas Day to come.

Frodo was interested in the "take," at first, but then he began to remember just how much fun it is to sing a little song, dance a little dance, and make little Hobbits laugh. More than anything else though, Frodo was humbled by the actions of one little boy, his Mom, and his Dad. The little boy was carrying a coffee can that he and his parents had been using as a collection point for extra pennies and nickels, all year long. Santa's little helper poured the entire contents into the kettle that the Hobbit and the Dwarf conveniently placed on the ground for easy access.

Santa's little helper may not know, today, that people displaced by Hurricane Katrina will benefit because of his coffee can. He may never have a chance to see hot meals being served to hungry people with no place to live. It is very unlikely that he will ever have someone walk up to him and remember him as Santa's little helper. What he will have is a memory, at Christmastime, that makes families, and days such as these so much a part of the Citizens of Middle Earth.

Frodo notes that Sam has a coffee can that is almost empty. Lessons learned dear reader, lessons learned.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:00 PM EST
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Sunday, December 10, 2006
Give Me Just a Little More Time
Mood:  sharp
Topic: "Frodo Study Group" (2)
Saddam Hussein has been sentenced to death and, sooner or later, somebody is planning to hang the old boy. Can you imagine, dear reader, what Iraq will be like, given the present circumstances, on that day?

The lock-step analyses of the Bush Administration and the Baker-Hamilton Study Group have, or will have soon, concluded that the major role for US Forces must move from combat to training. This, of course, assumes that both combat and training will be continuing endeavors between the present and the eventual "draw down" dates. Wouldn't it make more sense, dear reader, to minimize the combat role during the training phase?

Negotiating with ones' adversaries is not an uncommon event, and negotiations have produced documents as notable as the Magna Carta, for example. The United States spent many long hours in negotiations with the North Koreans in order to cease the fighting on the border of that member of the "Evil Axis." Negotiating with leverage, i.e. holding a trump card behind your back, and knowing that you have it, is as successful in Poker as it is in Nuclear Brinksmanship.

Given these observations, Frodo provides the following suggestions to Sauron as input to the "recommendations" he is analyzing, along with the ISG input, from his Generals "in the field" and from "his staff."

Set a date for the removal of all "Coalition" troops from Iraq. The date will precede the scheduled execution date of Saddam Hussein. Inform the Maliki Government that all in-country US troops will immediately be made available, embedded in Iraqi forces if so desired, to train and supply their Iraqi counterparts as their principal role and responsibility. The Governments of Syria and Iran will be informed of the final date of total troop drawdown, and offered the opportunity to participate in the schedule for implementation.

Frodo's plan defines who is doing what and when, and for the first time, why. Iran is a nation-state which is predominantly Persian Shiite. Syria is a nation-state which is predominantly Sunni. Since Iraq is a predominant conglomeration of Non-Persian (Arabic) Shiites, and Sunnis, the theoretical outside sponsors of insurgency (Iran and Syria) will be faced with the prospect of their present allegiance being torn asunder by their non-sectarian interests within Iraqi borders. Imagine Syria, for example, trying to defend the life of Saddam Hussein in order to appease their brothers in Iraq. Iran, on the other hand, will find itself dealing with many of the same Shiite Militia who currently exist, because the Persian and Arabic distinctions are as deep as are those of Sunni and Shi'ia. Didn't know that did you, dear reader? The bad news is neither does George W. Bush.

Setting a definite date, according to the Neo-Cons, would only mean that the insurgents will wait until the US is gone and then waltz into Baghdad. Well, not if the US Forces take advantage of the "lull" in fighting that is assumed and devote their maximum effort to training and supply. Then, the US will have done everything possible to help prepare the Maliki Government to take responsibility. Most importantly, they will know the date of the "final exam."

Frodo suggests November 11th, 2007. At the eleventh hour. Bagpipes would be nice.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:27 PM EST
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