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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
"One Down, More Comin'"
"One For the Good Guys"
"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
"Opportunity Sox" (3)
"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
"Osama Can You See?" (2)
"Our God Is Better" (3)
"Our Town" (5)
"Our Town" (8)
"Out Damned Spot (2)"
"Out of Kilter" (5)
"Out of the Ashes" (4)
"Overdue Books" (3)
"Pace Car" (3)
"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
"Passion Flowers" (5)
"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
"Patsy for America"
"Peaceful Easy Feelin"(3)
"Peacetakescourage" (3)
"Permanent Vacation" (5)
"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
"Problems?" (4)
"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
"Punxatawney Bush"
"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
"Rumblin' Bumblin'" (3)
"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
"Sauron Psalms" (2)
"Sauron's Scythe" (4)
"Savin' Gas" (4)
"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
"Scooter" (2)
"Scott Free" (4)
"Sears and Loveaduck" (5)
"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
"Serendipity Strikes" (3)
"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
"Skull and Bones"(4)
"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
"Smellin' Roses"
"Smirk Jerk" (2)
"Smokin' Pesticide Dope"
"Smoochy Time" (4)
"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
"Sorcerer's Apprentice"
"Soul Train" (5)
"Souter Rules, Dude"
"Southern Ladies" (5)
"Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)
"Space Poop" (3)
"Speechifyin'" (4)
"Speedy Gonzales" (3)
"Spelling, -23" (6)
"Sperm Count" (3)
"Spiro T. Palin" (4)
"Spoonerized" (6)
"Spring Equal Knox" (3)
"St. George" (4)
"Stan & Ollie"(7)
"State Dinner" (3)
"States' Rahts" (3)
"Sticker Shock"
"Stolen Bases" (3)
"Stragedy" (2)
"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
"Strip Searched" (9)
"Stupidly" (5)
"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
"Subsidizing Seeds"(6)
"Sunday, Sunday"(9)
"Sunni Daze" (4)
"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
"Survey Says" (6)
"Sweet Georgia Brown"
"Swiss Miss" (5)
"Take a letter, dearie"
"Take It Off Baby" (5)
"Takes a Worried Man"(4)
"Talibanme Banana"(8)
"Talkin' Turkey" (3)
"Tax Driver" (9)
"Taxpayer Assistance (2)"
"Tea Olive" (7)
"Tear Down That Wall"(4)
"Teflon Causes Cancer"
"Ten Cent Coke" (3)
"Tennessee Stinks" (6)
"Term Paper" (5)
"Terminal? Great!"
"Terre Bonne" (6)
"Terrible Swift Sword"(6)
"Terrible Two's" (2)
"Tess of D'Uberville"(8)
"Tess of the Dorghis" (8)
"Texas Exes" (8)
"Thank the Academy"(4)
"Thank You Rand Paul"
"Thank You, Molly" (2)
"Thanks, Dad" (3)
"Thar She Blows"
"That Looks Like Me"(5)
"That's the way it is"(5)
"Thawt Yuze a Toad"(7)
"The 60 Year Struggle"(5)
"The Atlanta Eye" (6)
"The Blue Dog"(11)
"The Boston Massacre"(9)
"The Boys of '63" (8)
"The Brotherhood Begins"
"The Eyes of Texas"
"The Forum" (2)
"The Future is Now (2)"
"The Garden of Good"
"The Good Book" (4)
"The Good Doctor"(6)
"The Great Quixote" (9)
"The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)
"The Important Stuff"
"The Italian Stallion"
"The Litany" (6)
"The Longest Day" (5)
"The Non-Issue" (3)
"The Perfect Storm" (2)
"The Pre-Fellowship"(4)
"The Prophecy"
"The Real Rhett" (4)
"The Second Amendment"
"The Silver Sow Award"(3)
"The Splurge" (4)
"The Turtle" (3)
"The Union Label"(6)
"There is a Virginia" (2)
"They're He-ear" (4)
"Thin Ice, Frodo" (4)
"Third Strike Nuance (2)"
"This Day in History"(3)
"This, Too, Shall Pass"
"Three A.M." (4)
"Three Siblings" (4)
"Three Votes Short" (3)
"Thriller" (9)
"Thunder Road"
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"Tie a Yellow Ribbon" (3)
"Tiger By The Tail" (5)
"Time to Cut Brush" (3)
"Time With Friends" (3)
"Times A' Wastin'" (3)
"Title IX Disaster" (5)
"To Arms, To Arms"
"To the Hoop (2)"
"Together Again" (3)
"Tokyo Rush" (5)
"Tom Bombadil isDying"(7)
"Tom Bombadil Returns"(9)
"Tom" (4)
"Top Two Percent" (7)
"Tora Bora Lora. . ." (2)
"Torah, Torah..."(6)
"Toro, Andalay,Toro (2)"
"Touchdown Swabbie" (3)
"Tovarich" (4)
"Tra La,Spring,Tra La"(6)
"Train Wreck"(8)
"Transparency" (4)
"Travel Sucks" (4)
"Tree Fishin' (2)"
"Trees v. Forest"(9)
"Trekking Mount Doom" (2)
"Tripod Hackers?"(9)
"Trouble Sleepin'" (3)
"Truckin' for Isaiah" (3)
"Truly,Totally, Nuts"(3)
"Tuesdays with Nancy"(4)
"Tullahoma Tequila (2)"
"Tumbler" (3)
"Turkey Day Walkabout"(2)
"TW3" (3)
"Tweety Pie" (2)
"Twenty to Life" (5)
"Twismas Tunes" (5)
"Twisted Sister" (4)
"Two Americas" (4)
"Two Americas" (9)
"Two Steps Back" (4)
"Two Thousand, Ate" (4)
"Unademdaze" (4)
"Unborn in the USA" (6)
"Unbroken Circle" (7)
"Unconditional Surrender"
"Unconventional, you say?"(7)
"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
"Unmarked Grave" (6)
"Untimely Events"
"UR Number Is Up" (7)
"Vacation Brouhaha" (3)
"Vacation Comin'" (2)
"Vandals at the Gates"(2)
"Vat of Chocolate"(6)
"Vero Possumus" (4)
"Veto Shmetoe (2)"
"Vick Drops, Cough!" (3)
"Video Thriller"(5)
"Vinson Can Gogh"(6)
"Virgin Birth" (2)
"Virginia is 4 Lovers"(4)
"Virginia Lovers" (4)
"Vom Winde Verweht" (2)
"Vote for Steve" (2)
"Vote Frodo (Not)"(7)
"W is for Wuss""
"Wait 'til Next Year" (2)
"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
"Walkin' the Dogs"(8)
"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
"War on Middle Class"(2)
"War on Tara"
"Warm Bucket of Spit"(4)
"Was Miers His Attorney?"
"Watch Mr. Wizard" (3)
"Water Into Wine" (11)
"Water into Wine?"
"Watts da plan, Man?"(5)
"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
"We Will Rock You"
"Weather Channel Follies"
"Weddin' Down South" (3)
"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
"What is a Shimkus?" (2)
"What Mark Felt"
"What Schedule?" (2)
"What Time Is It (2)"
"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
"Wiccan I do for you?"(2)
"Wicked Pickett"
"Wide Stance" (4)
"Will better be?"(7)
"Willard" (7)
"Willie B had heart" (5)
"Winchester Women (2)"
"Wink at the Moon"
"Winter Solstice"
"Wishin' and Hopin'"
"Wither Channels" (5)
"Wither Weather"(9)
"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
"Worth Waiting For?"(5)
"Write a Letter" (7)
"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
"Wyomin' Gloamin'" (2)
"Xmas in Shreveport"(6)
"Yahoo" (4)
"Yankee Humor" (5)
"Yankee Ingenuity"
"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
"Yellow Peril" (3)
"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Friday, April 6, 2007
Turn Around, Look At Me
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "Past is Prologue" (3)
As he strolled downhill, Frodo looked at the line of pine trees to his left, and then stared back toward the creek running through the open field straight ahead. He knew every inch of that which he saw. He had been here before. Then again, he had read Bruce Catton's great book "Andersonville" when he was only 12 years old. Perhaps the impact made on the young Hobbit's mind had created this sense of deja vu as he toured the site of the horrid prison camp in rural South Georgia. The entire concept of reincarnation has haunted Frodo all his days, and the feeling persists. In what follows this day, Frodo will explore a few potential instances in the continuum of a troubled soul.

John, the brother of Richard the Lion Heart, had accomplished little but, by birth, he was entitled to rule in the absence of the King. While he sat upon the throne the Kingdom weakened. Civil unrest grew as the gulf between the landed gentry and the farmers of the feudal system widened. The rights of the free born were under assault, and fear was the tool used by the illegitimate king to maintain his power.

George, a child of privilege sought glory before power. Once the great Civil War had come to a close, and his rank was reduced from General, he sought assignment to the Western frontier, where a savage land and peoples seemed ready to fall before the sword. The hero of such a conflict could return to Washington and take command. He did not do his homework, and he attacked without fully understnding his enemy. When those about him urged caution, he pressed on, and fell with all those who followed at the Little Big Horn.

Perhaps Heinrich, or Wolfgang, or Ernst, the name is forgotten, believed so firmly in the strength of leadership that he deified the commands given to him. An ideological obsession drove him into the face of the storms, when he did not have adequate clothing or equipment. The glory of the Fatherland was worth any sacrifice. It was a battle that could not be won, and the Siege at Stalingrad ended his quest.

Perhaps other roles were played, falling more neatly into the breaks in time represented by the three examples cited. There is, to Frodo, too much to be coincidence when the instances of folly throughout history lead so directly to the President of the United States. Should we survive the current experience, Frodo dreads what is to follow.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 5:05 PM EDT
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Thursday, April 5, 2007
Put Me On a Highway, Show Me a Sign, Take It To The Limit, One More Time
Mood:  suave
Topic: "Problem, Officer?" (3)
Some events beg to be described as regional in nature; generally because the landscape or the psyche of the inhabitants requires it. Such is, dear reader, the subject of this evening's vignette repast.

Officer Brad Gregg of the Sylvania, Alabama, Police Force was on routine patrol. He had just reported his "20" (that means location, and was learned by Frodo in one of his first-favorite TV shows, "Highway Patrol" starring Broderick Crawford), and was slowly contemplating a stop at either the Donut Dinette or Pat's Bar-B-Que. Without warning he felt a "thump" on the side of his police cruiser. He immediately pulled to the shoulder of the road in order to investigate.

As he exited the cruiser, he noticed Melissa York on horseback standing in the middle of the road and staring at the dent on the rear door of the police cruiser. Before the startled officer could say anything, Ms. York rallied her senses (and those of the horse) and took off at full gallop heading North on State Route 522.

Officer Gregg flipped on his siren and proceeded to pursue the fleeing equine and rider. The conversation with his dispatcher went something like this: "Edna, this is Brad. I am on State Route 522, heading North, and approaching the Donut Dinette."

"So what else is new?," queried the dispatcher.

"I am in pursuit of a hit and run rider on horseback."

"You're whut?"

"I am in pursuit of a female rider on horseback who is fleeing from the scene of a traffic accident."

"A woman? Well I declare. Just what sort of accident are we talkin' about cheer?"

"The suspect ran into the back door of my police cruiser."

"Brad, you hold on now, here's the Chief, I'm gonna turn the mike over to him in just a minute. Do you need back-up?"

"Well, I don't think so, but let me tell you this, she is certainly riding erratically."

"Brad, this is Chief Wallace."

"Hey Berne."

"Hey Brad, what do you mean she's riding erratically?"

"Chief, she's riding real fast, singing at the top of her lungs, and every few yards she's tossin' off an article of clothing."

"What's she singing?"

"Wait now Chief, she's pulled the horse up and has come to a stop. I'm goin to step out of the cruiser and grab the reins of the horse."

"You be careful now, y'hear?"

A few anxious moments must have passed like an eternity in command central.


"Yes Brad."

"The lady's name is Melissa York, and she just failed a breathalyzer."

"Do you need any assistance?"

"No Sir, I handcuffed her and put her in the rear of the cruiser, just about the time she felt a need to throw up. I'll tie the horse onto my back bumper and drive back into town real slow. I intend to charge her with fleeing the scene of an accident, but I'm not real sure if a DUI applies?"

"Why not?"

"Well, she wasn't really driving."


"Yes Chief?"

"Come on in."

"10-4, over and out."

With the sun sinking slowly from the western sky, the spirit of Broderick Crawford headed south on State Route 522 as Ms. Melissa York continued her stunning rendition of Gene Autry's "I'm Back in the Saddle Again." She was charged this time yesterday with Driving Under the Influence.

Somewhere nearby a barrister breaks into a full-faced grin. Frodo would pay real money to see Nancy Grace prosecute this one.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:09 PM EDT
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Wednesday, April 4, 2007
We'd Love To Take You Home With Us
Mood:  flirty
Topic: "Missionary Position" (3)
"Happy" Rockefeller is a name that Frodo will never forget. She probably had more to do with preventing a husband from becoming President of the United States than almost any other woman in American History. The Republican Party had, at that time, never nominated a candidate for the Presidency who was married to a divorcee. True to form, and principle, the Republican Party nominated Barry Goldwater for the Presidency rather than her husband, Nelson Rockefeller. Tough love, especially for someone named Happy.

Dear reader, the principle, if not the practice seems to have dissolved somewhere around 1980, when Jane Wyman's former husband had married the divorcee Nancy Davis and changed her last name to Reagan. Since that time, the Party which routinely espouses principles which it cannot practice, and certainly "family values" comes first to mind, seems to have embraced the philosophy in marriage that "If at first you don't succeed, then try, try again."

One needs to examine the performance of the four leading contenders for the Republican Presidential nomination in 2008. Two of the four have committed adultery (which for the benefit of Rep. Lynn Westmoreland (R-Ga) is one of the Ten Commandments he was unable to recall during his appearance on 'The Colbert Report'). Newt Gingrich and Rudy Giuliani are both on their third marriage.

Frodo wonders how many Secretaries of State there would be during a single-term Gingrich Presidency, given his proven ability to make solid personnel judgments?

Senator John McCain (R-Az) is sinking in the polls faster than a speeding bullet. The fact that he has only been married twice actually seems to be working to his detriment. Maybe he could improve his election chances by dumping his current wife? Who knows, thinks Frodo, isn't Britany Spears available? Maybe he could invite her to attend Cabinet Meetings.

The real question mark in all of this is this guy Mitt Romney, who used to do something in Massachusetts, but he's actually from Utah, and is a practicing Mormon. The boy has only been married one time. Who would have ever thought that the only monogamous candidate the Republicans could find would turn out to be a Mormon?

Eventually, somebody is going to ask the guy if he wears boxers or briefs.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:01 PM EDT
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Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Bend Me, Shape Me Any Way You Want Me
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Form 666" (3)
Frodo is irregular. This state of mind has absolutely nothing to do with his physical well-being. Frodo is simply going through his annual ritual of manhood; when he goes mano-a-mano against George W. Bush in the preparation of his own Federal Income Tax return. Nancy Pelosi and the Congressional Democrats may not be able to cut-off funding for the Iraqi occupation, but Frodo, in his own small way, damn well can do so.

This year Frodo has a new weapon, and it is the Federal Telephone Excise Tax Deduction. Rather than take the formula prescribed for all taxpayers by the good folks at the IRS, Frodo opted to compute his deduction by counting up every penny he actually paid for this long-time little addition to his telephone bills. In so doing, Frodo legally removed over $400 from the Crawford War Machine. It took Frodo the better part of six-and-a-half hours to do the computation and complete the form. As is often stated, War is Hell!

Sam is an accomplished contributor to noble causes, and this year Frodo required that every donation be by check or credit card. Every nickel that goes to the "Defenders of Wildlife" et al, will provide that much less for bullets or to increase the ferocity of a Civil War on the other side of the world. It took many hours to merely translate the checkbook notations from the original WESTRON (common in Middle Earth during the Third Age), and Sam is avoiding Frodo like the plague.

Frodo's prized Motorcar is used for business, and Frodo is sacrosanct in the methodology with which he separates personal from professional use. This year, given the increased costs of fuel under the leadership of the decidely self-divined reincarnation of George Armstrong Custer, Frodo goes nowhere that doesn't have a potential business application. If he is able to swing a "three-martini lunch" along the way, he considers that another contribution to bringing the boys (and girls) home before Christmas. He also toasts the "Decider" with every sip.

All of this struggle with Forms 1040, 6251, Schedule C, and Publication 17 take a great deal of time and effort. That makes Frodo very irregular in his attention to you, dear reader, and for that Frodo is very apologetic. Sometimes however, we have to choose our priorities when our country needs us. Wouldn't it be great if Frodo could end up sending George a bill? He should pay, big time.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:21 PM EDT
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Friday, March 30, 2007
I'm Goin' Away With My Friend
Mood:  amorous
Topic: "Barbie Banditos" (3)

It wasn't so long ago that Frodo told you the story of the "Runaway Bride," the little "chiquita" who got cold feet and blew out of town just before her wedding heading for parts unknown. When finally constrained by lack of funds, she concocted a story about being kidnapped. Remember that? Remember the eyes; how she always looked like she had just sniffed a line of "blow"? Let Frodo remind you, dear reader, that she was from Gwinnett County, Georgia, a territory that gives us 96% Republican turn-out for elections, is almost as white as the gardenias that flower in front of their strip malls, and is named for a guy who signed the Declaration of Independence (but nobody seems to know why). Frodo now has one to top that, and guess where the "stars" in this little melodrama come from?

Two teen-aged girls walk into a Kroger Store, smiling and giggly, wearing designer sunglasses (remembering the eyes of the "Runaway Bride"), and they approach the teller line at the Bank of America branch tactically placed inside the grocery store. They are on video security cameras the entire time. They hand the teller a hand-written note demanding money. They walk away with $10,966. The local media begin to report the story of the "Barbie Bandits," and the video tape of their escapade appears on television screens nationally.

Despite the sunglasses, which proved that even residents of Gwinnett County can learn, the case began to take a few bizarre turns. The stars of the video turn out to be Heather Johnson (19) and Ashley Miller (18), both of whom graduated from Gwinnett County High Schools in 2006 (NOTE: by trading positions with either or both the State of South Carolina and the District of Columbia, Georgia schools are never ranked higher than 49th among 51). Since graduation, both of the alumni had been employed at an establishment quaintly dubbed "Shooter Alley," where they were registered as "exotic dancers." An acquaintance, Michael Chang (27) put the fallen angels into contact with an individual named Benny Allen III (22). Mr. Allen, it seems, was then employed by the Bank of America in a branch located, coincidentally, in a Kroger store.

However it occurred, a plot was established for the four parties involved to make an unauthorized withdrawal from Mr. Chang's employer. Unfortunately, the young ladies had not developed sufficient writing skills in 12 years of Gwinnett County public education to allow them to construct an intelligible demand note. Mr. Chang had to help them write the note when they called him at the bank. Several minutes later, the telephone rang again, and Mr. Chang had to provide directions to the Bank branch since his associates had gotten lost and arrived at the wrong bank.

Several days later, at a routine traffic stop, local police stopped a vehicle carrying Mr. Chang and the young ladies in question. Police found ecstacy tablets and marijuana wrapped inside a wadded-up piece of paper. The piece of paper had directions to the Bank of America branch written thereon. In addition, on the floorboard of the motorcar, the officers found another wadded-up piece of paper, on which was written a "draft" of the demand note. Ms. Johnston had more than $1,000 stuffed into her bra, according to police detectives. The investigators also found receipts for newly-purchased clothes and from a posh beauty salon.

While questioning the young ladies in order to fully account for all the missing money, the detectives reported that Ms. Johnston told them they gave "a lot of money to the homeless." Johnston's parents sat beside their family Minister at the hearing for probable cause. The Mother was quoted as saying, "she got caught up with the wrong kind of people. . ."

At this point Frodo feels compelled to offer the first of two editorial comments. "Excuuuuse me, but your daughter IS the wrong kind of people."

It should be noted, finally, that the police investigation has failed to turn up any trace of the sunglasses worn during the escapade. Frodo adds his other editorial comment at this point, "And who says that Gwinnett County teenagers aren't smart, hiding the evidence like that?"

Frodo's greatest fear is that all four of the miscreants will be spending the next several years doing nothing other than watching the Fox News Channel, uninterrupted.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:37 PM EDT
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Thursday, March 29, 2007
Clowns To The Left Of Me, Jokers To The Right
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "Jonestown Redux" (3)

Make no mistake, Frodo is a "Bush-Basher." Frodo cannot stand to look at the smarmy smirker, much less pay attention to his whining, ideological, clap-trap. Before he goes to bed each night, Frodo gets down on his knees and prays for pustules to break out all over the body of George W. Bush so that he suffers, standing or sitting, day or night, for the remainder of his life. The damage he has done is incalculable.

There is a purpose for the preceding paragraph. Frodo is in receipt of information from an acquaintance who is deeply engrossed in the conspiracy theories surrounding the attacks on the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. Included in the data is the inference that the late Senator Paul Wellstone (D-MN) was "silenced" by Dick Cheney for speaking out. Barack Obama and John Edwards are cited, along with other "good liberals," as part of the "controlled dominant paradigm" who would be "toast" if they came forward and spoke against the military-industrial complex. All of this supports, so Frodo's acquaintance alleges, his contention that the events of September 11, 2001, are part of a much larger, much more insidious, cabal.

Horse hockey! With all due respect for the beliefs of others, and for the depth of their sincerity, Frodo has never believed that a Georgia Congressman was blown out of the sky in a commercial airliner by the Communist Chinese because of his political beliefs. Yet, there are countless "Conservatives" who believe that the loss of all those lives was part of some action sponsored by the United Nations, just to silence one deranged Congressman.

Dwight David Eisenhower, a Republican for the love of Pete, warned, in his Farewell Address, about the influence of big business and government. John Fitzgerald Kennedy was assassinated by a Communist sympathizer who was eliminated by a small-time hoodlum before he could be tried, and the hoodlum died from terminal cancer before anybody could figure out his motivations. How inspiring words and tragic events intersect produces a conflagration of theoretical hyperbole, garnished with a little fact and a lot of imagination.

Frodo believes that there are times when there is nothing left to do but to go to someone whom everyone trusts. There are, even in our translucent society, certain people who transcend our differences and to whom we listen, even if we don't all agree with his opinions.  Frodo asks, what would Bill Bradley say?  An All-American athlete, a Rhodes Scholar, a United States Senator, a Presidential candidate, an accomplished author, married to one woman; a man who represents all of the things that we all hope to represent.  Does anyone truly believe that Bill Bradley could be bought off by some cabal of business ideologues, regardless of their nationality?  Would Bill Bradley be involved with anyone who threatened our way of life, our great nation?  Would he not speak up, would he fear any man?

It is past time to let the craziness out of our systems; from all sides.  It is time to recognize that drinking the grape juice doesn't accomplish anything.  We may never agree on the route to take, but we all seek the common good, however it may be defined.  Frodo believes that all of us can figure that out, except of course, for the re-incarnation of George Armstrong Custer who resides at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.  He, truly, is a lost cause. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:15 PM EDT
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Wednesday, March 28, 2007
What's Your Name?
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Firing US Attorneys" (3)
Frodo's essay that follows could be called a lot of things. What it is, is entirely factual. What it will not do is make you feel better about the way your government is run. After completing this brief read, you may meet Frodo outside the Offices of the Attorney General of the United States. At that point you will be offered either a pitchfork or a flaming torch. There are sufficient trees about the Tidal Basin to support a public lynching. Perhaps that is what it will take to bring sufficient pressure upon the appropriate individuals to recognize the harm done to our nation by incompetent political appointees, and their elected sponsors.

Walter Anderson, the telecommunications entrepreneur who was indicted on what was to be the largest tax prosecution in American history, was sentenced this week. Anderson pled guilty to the overwhelming evidence amassed against him by both the District of Columbia, and the United States Government. Assistant Attorney General (Tax Division)EILEEN J. O'CONNOR announced the indictments and appointed KAREN E. KELLY of the Department of Justice and SUSAN MENZER of the US Attorney's Office as joint prosecutors in behalf of the United States.

US District Judge PAUL L. FRIEDMAN sentenced Anderson to serve 9 years in prison, and to repay the District of Columbia $23 Million. Unfortunately, Friedman ruled (US-v-Anderson, 05-66, US District Court, District of Columbia), he was unable to order Anderson to repay the US Government somewhere between $100 Million and $175 Million because the "Justice Departments's binding plea agreement" with Anderson cited the wrong statute.

The prosecuting attorneys, the Assistant Attorney General (Tax Division) and, presumably, the Attorney General himself, would have been responsible for at least the approval and review of the plea arrangement. The errors, not caught, have cost the taxpayers of the United States somewhere beyond $100 Million. That, dear reader, is money that you will pay.

Now, what exactly was it that was said about those eight US Attorneys who were fired for "poor performance?" Are you wondering why it took little Frodo, weighed down by the task of Ring destruction, to be the only one to bring this to your attention?

That, dear reader, is a $100 Million (or more) question. Now, would you rather have a pitchfork or a flaming torch?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:57 PM EDT
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Tuesday, March 27, 2007
I Remember When Rock Was Young
Mood:  chatty
Topic: "Peacetakescourage" (3)

Ava Lowery, 16, from Alexander City, Alabama, must be an Elf, for she is certainly the child of a Warrior in the gilded palaces of Justice.  This home-schooled redhead was featured in the March 27th edition of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution ( and Frodo took note of her Web Site (  Frodo is proud to announce that he has enlisted in her army.  Since her site averages better than 30,000 hits per day, "army" is an appropriate word in this instance.

Frodo accepts a derisive kick in the butt for his off-hand references to the absurd behavior of those Citizens of Middle Earth confined within the jurisdictional lines known as Alabama.  Ms. Lowery's fortitude, added to Frodo's long admiration for the singing group who penned "Christmas in Dixie," means that there must actually be intelligent life on the planetoid to the west of Georgia.  That would not be evidentiary based on the comments of US Senator Jeff Sessions (R-AL) who utters no wisdom before it has been blessed by the Incomparable Moron. 

Ms. Lowrey is not unknown to the public-at-large but, until today, Frodo had never before heard her name.  She reminds Frodo of an anonymous friend who posted to the Forum at many moons ago, identifying herself only as "Scout," from "Monroeville, Alabama."  Readers of Frodo recognize the character from Harper Lee, and sense Frodo's deep pride at any reference to a truly great piece of Southern literature.  It is Frodo's sincere hope that Ms. Lowrey continue to exhibit all of the courage and integrity of the aforenamed "Scout."  It should be noted that her father,  Atticus, was also an attorney.

16 years ago, when this child entered upon Middle Earth, there was another Bush pursuing War in the desert.  Since those of us who were there to welcome her into this world could do nothing to end the madness at that point, is it any wonder that a child leads us now? 

In a day bleak with news of death , destruction, fatal illnesses, treachery, injustice, and men without honour, Frodo is pleased to know that one so young will tend his garden for many days beyond.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:37 PM EDT
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Monday, March 26, 2007
I Was Thinking To Myself This Could Be Heaven Or This Could Be Hell
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "Yellow Peril" (3)

The Shire is abloom.  An abnormally warm winter has been followed by an incredibly warm spring, and nearly every thing that blooms has done so; all at the same time.  Pussywillow and forsythia, generally the first to bloom are in their glory immediately adjacent to the dogwoods, who routinely follow a full month behind.  As beautiful as it indeed happens to be, the downside is that the pollen counts in the Shire are reaching record highs.  Today, the fourth highest pollen reading ever recorded is responsible for the watery eyes, the dribbling noses, the general lackadaisical approach to pulmonary functions, and the crush of crowds at the Pharmacy of the Shire.  On top of it all however, is the dreaded "yellow peril."

Pine trees produce a pollen so thick that it forms clouds which can obstruct satellite TV at certain times, or so it seems  .  The US Weather Service alleges that the pine pollen is not a contributor to respiratory problems and therefore does not compute in the pollen readings.  It is, however, everywhere, and it coats everything.

Mick, the Wonder Dog, has a peculiar Asian tint to his coat.  Mr. Frodo's motorcar, usually a deep blue, when mixed with the "yellow peril," would be an excellent mobile advertisement for the lawncare company "Tru-Green."  The gazebo, due to miniature footprints in the pollen, is revealed as a haven for chipmonkeys, seeking shelter from the wily Mr. Beau Neau.  The feline companion to Frodo and Sam noiselessly stirs up little puffs of yellow as he prances across the gardens of the Shire.

Sam is absolutely miserable.  The tireless taskmaster is drained of energy and succumbs to the temptations of mid-afternoon TV and pithy expose' magazines.  Sam reports that Anna Nicole Smith is still dead, in case you had missed that news flash. 

Frodo finds that the "yellow peril" actually adds a bit of color to his now naturally dull tonsorial display.  If the light strikes the shining dome correctly, it is almost as if there is a reversion back to the halcyon days of blonde, and beautiful.  Those were the days when Frodo dreamed of a career playing professional volleyball on the beaches of Malibu, and perhaps becoming the plaything of a former centerfold.  Did Frodo mention, by the way, that Anna Nicole is still dead?

Walking in the gardens is bearable, especially with the knowledge that the tiger mosquito larvae, soon to open,  are completely intact because of the mild winter.  Azaleas and rhododenron are wondrous attractions for an evening stroll, at least for now. 

This global warming stuff is a pain in the butt and, assumedly, soon to be in other private locations.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:20 PM EDT
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Friday, March 23, 2007
You Got Me So I Can't Sleep At Night
Mood:  down
Topic: "Call Me Ishmael" (3)
Frodo has posed a rhetorical question. He wants to know that if he asked everyone who ever reads these words, approximately how many whales they have seen, in the wild, during their lifetimes, what would be the total? Frodo is trying to quantify a figure. It is not as if he were asking about Sumatran Howler Monkeys or Kudu; animals known to be geographically confined or bordering on extinction. Although whales must rise out of their elemental existence to be seen, they do exist in every ocean of the world, and they must breathe air. So how many would we be talking about?

The "Nisshin Maru Research," a Japanese whaling ship, returned to port yesterday from Antarctica, with a catch of 508 dead whales.

508. A fire on-board the ship forced its' early return to port and prevented the crew of 149 from obtaining its' "authorized" kill of 860.

The meat will be sold for human consumption.

Frodo wonders exactly which humans to whom the Japanese will be selling the food? Surely, the reference cannot be that the meat is to be sold for Japanese consumption, for that would lead to the rhetorical answer that the Japanese are human.

508. Frodo believes, in his heart, that in the scores of his existence he does not know enough people to produce a grand total of as many as 508 whales seen by all of their eyes over the extent of all their lives combined. That is a staggering realization to the Hobbit. One Japanese ship, whose hunt was cut short, killed more whales in one hunt than Frodo and all the Citizens of Middle Earth known to him, have ever even seen.

Tree-hugging aside, it is hard not to gain a new respect for the warriors of Greenpeace. An organization called "Sea Shepherd," infuriated by the whaling, launched smoke canisters filled with chemicals and dropped ropes into the water hoping to entangle the propellors of the "Nisshin Maru Research." The Japanese argued back that the mission of the ship was to study data on whale populations and feeding habits for the International Whaling Commission. No mention was made that the proceeds of the meat sale would therefore be donated to that or any other "scientific" organization. Frodo is sure that must just be an oversight.

That word "dominion" just keeps coming up, doesn't it?

508. Frodo needs to take a walk.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:52 PM EDT
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