Mood:
not sureTopic: "Yellow Peril" (3)
The Shire is abloom. An abnormally warm winter has been followed by an incredibly warm spring, and nearly every thing that blooms has done so; all at the same time. Pussywillow and forsythia, generally the first to bloom are in their glory immediately adjacent to the dogwoods, who routinely follow a full month behind. As beautiful as it indeed happens to be, the downside is that the pollen counts in the Shire are reaching record highs. Today, the fourth highest pollen reading ever recorded is responsible for the watery eyes, the dribbling noses, the general lackadaisical approach to pulmonary functions, and the crush of crowds at the Pharmacy of the Shire. On top of it all however, is the dreaded "yellow peril."
Pine trees produce a pollen so thick that it forms clouds which can obstruct satellite TV at certain times, or so it seems . The US Weather Service alleges that the pine pollen is not a contributor to respiratory problems and therefore does not compute in the pollen readings. It is, however, everywhere, and it coats everything.
Mick, the Wonder Dog, has a peculiar Asian tint to his coat. Mr. Frodo's motorcar, usually a deep blue, when mixed with the "yellow peril," would be an excellent mobile advertisement for the lawncare company "Tru-Green." The gazebo, due to miniature footprints in the pollen, is revealed as a haven for chipmonkeys, seeking shelter from the wily Mr. Beau Neau. The feline companion to Frodo and Sam noiselessly stirs up little puffs of yellow as he prances across the gardens of the Shire.
Sam is absolutely miserable. The tireless taskmaster is drained of energy and succumbs to the temptations of mid-afternoon TV and pithy expose' magazines. Sam reports that Anna Nicole Smith is still dead, in case you had missed that news flash.
Frodo finds that the "yellow peril" actually adds a bit of color to his now naturally dull tonsorial display. If the light strikes the shining dome correctly, it is almost as if there is a reversion back to the halcyon days of blonde, and beautiful. Those were the days when Frodo dreamed of a career playing professional volleyball on the beaches of Malibu, and perhaps becoming the plaything of a former centerfold. Did Frodo mention, by the way, that Anna Nicole is still dead?
Walking in the gardens is bearable, especially with the knowledge that the tiger mosquito larvae, soon to open, are completely intact because of the mild winter. Azaleas and rhododenron are wondrous attractions for an evening stroll, at least for now.
This global warming stuff is a pain in the butt and, assumedly, soon to be in other private locations.
