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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Every Man Has Gotta Have a Party Doll
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "Skull and Bones"(4)

In 1886, 36 Chirachua Apaches surrendered to Gen Nelson A. Miles.  Imprisoned in Fort Sill, Oklahoma, their leader, a man named Geronimo, died of pneumonia in 1909.  Nine years later, while stationed at Fort Sill, a group of Army volunteers from Yale University dug up the grave and took possession of the Skull and some of the bones.  Among the participants was a man named Prescott Bush.

In 2005, a Yale historian discovered a letter written in 1918 by one member of the group, Winter Mead, and sent to another, F. Trubee Davison.  In that letter it was written that the skull of Geronimo, other remains and artifacts were taken from the burial site.  Mead wrote "The skull of the worthy Geronimo the Terrible, exhumed from its tomb at Fort Sill by your club and Knight Hauffer, is now safe inside the T---- together with . . .femurs, bit and saddle horn."

This past Tuesday, on the 100th anniversary of the death of the Apache leader, his descendants filed a lawsuit seeking to have the remains returned for proper burial near his birthplace in southern New Mexico's Gila Wilderness.  The lawsuit named President Barack Obama, Defense Secretary Robert Gates, and Army Secretary Peter Green as defendants, along with Yale University and "Skull and Bones".  The latter defendant is, of course, the secret society chartered by the University, whose membership, restricted to 15 Yale Senior Class enrollees annually, is a marker for the most elite.  Members swear an oath of secrecy, and it is this organization which is not only alleged to have committed this sacreligious travesty, but to have hidden the crime from authorities ever since.

Members of "Skull and Bones" include FORMER Presidents George H.W. Bush and George W. Bush, and current United States Senator John Kerry (D-MA). 

Frodo has done some really dumb things in his time, not all of which took place while he was in college, although that was the period during which most truly stupid acts did occur.  Frodo has however, never robbed a grave, nor has he withheld information about a grave robbing.  It is incomprehensible to Frodo that anyone, much less two FORMER Presidents and a sitting United States Senator have remained mute, for any reason, about the remains of another human being illegally, and irresponsibly, removed from their burial site.

What a commentary, thinks Frodo, that Prescott Bush would have participated in the grave robbery, and that both his son and his grandson would particpate in the cover-up.  In Frodo's mind, should the lawsuit find for the plaintiffs, it would be a fitting judgment for the Court to order the exhumation of the remains of Prescott Bush, and the placement of the "skull and bones" on public display aside the sewage plant at Yale University. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:52 PM EST
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Wednesday, February 18, 2009
How He Got Here I Don't Know, But Man You Ought To See Him Go
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Roger the Dodger"(4)

The Men of Gondor, some of whom are familiar dear reader, include one dubbed as our topic tonight indicates.  The Dodger is the youngest of all the members, and is probably the wealthiest.  Using his time as if there were a specific limit identified to him once he passed puberty, the Dodger both reads and talks on the telephone while amassing an unbelievable number of miles on a treadmill.  He consumes food as if there were a stopwatch in the hands of an observant waiter.  His manuvering of an oversized motorcar brings beads of sweat to those who ride with him the first, and only, time.  Speed is a part of everything in the life of the Dodger.

His investment advice to professional athletes, successful businessmen, and that scourge of scourges, the wealthy inheritors, yields success ratios far beyond industry standards.  Utilizing, as he explained to Frodo, "index funds" based on foreign companies and foreign investments, the Dodger has been able to steer his clients into growth markets of all kinds.  Even in the current worldwide turmoil, the Dodger's clients have lost far less than the norm.  His own little company is now one of the twenty-five largest investment advisors in the entire US of A.  

Given all of this, Frodo would not change places with the Dodger for all of the tea in China.

Listening to him explain the break-up of his first marriage, and the absence of any communication for years with his progeny gives quick insight into the psyche of one driven by time.  The Dodger is heartfelt in his affection for the Men of Gondor, for they may actually be the only people who like him for who and what he is, as opposed to what he can provide.  The Dodger, to a fault, insists on paying for lunch, admissions, anything associated with the outings of the group.  Intrigue is often associated with these payments, since the Men prefer to each pay their own way, but the Dodger feels this is how he can repay the kindness of camaraderie.

The Dodger is intensely intelligent, but his opinions are shaped partially, and often come up incomplete.  He believes, for example, that all of the enmity between the Muslim World, and those who appear as their opponents is based only on the status of women.  Despite all argument which indicates that such an opinion is partially correct, the Dodger will continue in diatribe regardless of the evidence presented.

Did Frodo mention that the Dodger is originally from Texas?

The Dodger is definitively a reactionary in his political beliefs.  Frodo appreciates the value of differing opinions, and has always listened to the Dodger when he speaks, even when he violently disagrees.  The discourse between the two is always respectful and engaging.  Frodo often speaks with clarity in defense of the Dodger when others mock his proclamations of unabated truth.   Not unlike each member of the Men of Gondor, Frodo finds a reason, or two, to enjoy the company of those who just want to break out of the routine for a few hours, and reminisce about past hours spent in a locker room.

Dear readers remember that Frodo had left the Men of Gondor.  Frodo's explanation for his return has been that he did not want to lose the opportunity to observe as the Dodger, like a shooting star, flamed out over Planet Earth.  It will be a sight to see.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:36 PM EST
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Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Roll Over Beethoven, Tell Tschaikovsky The News
Mood:  happy
Topic: "Tuesdays with Nancy"(4)

"So nice of you to join me again this week dearie."

"Well, like, duh, Mrs. Reagan.  I mean who wouldn't want to sit down and have tea with, like, the wife of our greatest non-living President?"

"That's so sweet of you to say, and I do enjoy our visits together."

"Y'know Mrs. Reagan, my Mom is plenty jealous.  She's all the time, like, making comments about how nobody took an interest in her, and tried to help her along."

"Does she then tell you that she had to walk to school, bare-footed, through snow, and rain?"

"Hah, you got it y'know, like, she didn't even have a fur coat up there in Alaska."

"Well don't you let it bother you.  Our little chats will remain our little chats."

"Like in Vegas."

"Yes, dear, just like in Las Vegas.  Now tell me, how's your baby this week.  Done teething yet?"

"Oh, y'know, the baby's, like, fine, but I'm serious about my Mom, she's a real pain in the butt."

"All Mothers and Daughters have those disagreemets, that's why we're always known as 'Daddy's little girl,' don't you suppose?"

"Yeah, for true, I know, y'know, but, like she's trying to make me into a campaign poster for her."

"How do you mean?"

"Well, see, y'know, like she went ballistic when I told that lawyer with the nose job, y'know, on the interview that abstinence was like, y'know, unrealistic."

"No dear, I don't know."

"Well, like it is y'know."

"Dear, you could've just said 'No.'"

"Well, it was a lot more fun just saying 'Oh."

"What else did your Mother get upset about?"

"She nearly blew a gasket like, when I said that having the baby was my choice, not hers, y'know."

"I suppose that may make it a little difficult for her when the next election comes around."

"Well is that, like, all my fault?"

"No dear, none of that is your fault.  You are 18 now."

"Yeah, in only three more years, I'll be able to drink."

"Or shoot wolves from airplanes?"

"I think I'd have to say 'No.'"

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:22 PM EST
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Thursday, February 12, 2009
Tomorrow We May Not Be Together
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "OK Baptist Chorale" (4)

The following relates to a 57-42 vote in the Arkansas House of Representatives on Wednesday.  That august body approved a bill allowing concealed handguns in churches.  The bill now goes to the State Senate (for true).

Occupying all of the pews on the right-hand side of the OK Baptist Church in Bonanza, Arkansas, were the followers of former Arkansas Governor, Michael Huckleberry.  The left-hand side of the wooden structure was populated by those who retained a certain fondness for the performances of former Governor Woodrow Jackson Clanton.  The Huckleberrys and the Clantons were similarly united in celebration nearly every Sunday in the largest house of worship in Bonanza.  Since nearly every person in town was named either Huckleberry or Clanton, there was little purpose in even counting those who gathered elsewhere.

This was a different Sunday however.  Years of disagreement regarding such issues as paternity, maternity, fraternity, and statolatry had spilled over from Saturday night into Sunday morning.  Fate it was that had determined this to be the same Sunday in which concealed handguns were first allowed in the churches of Bonanza.  At least that is how it was reported in the local newspaper, "The Bonanza Gold", published by the Cartwright family.

According to the newspaper, services opened that fateful Sunday morning with the OK Baptist Chorale singing "A Closer Walk With Thee."  More prophetic words could not have been chosen to chronicle what would follow.  One of the Huckleberrys apparently took offense at the stare put upon him by one of the Clantons, who was probably just trying to figure out if that was a banana in the pocket of Old Man Huckleberry, or what.  In any event, the Old Man removed all doubt by pulling a .44 Magnum out of said pocket and created an abdominal entry into the liver of the unidentified Clanton.  This sparked a certain amount of consternation among the assemblage, according to the newspaper.

"Wild Bill" Clanton was the first to respond.  His sons gathered about him and they simultaneously proceeded to pepper the Huckleberrys with hollowpointed bullets.  Witnesses in defense of the Clantons later testified that the "hollow points" were filled with a family "secret sauce" which was later used to flavor the chicken prepared for the afternoon church social.

The Huckleberrys retaliated under the leadership of "Ike" Huckleberry, who had, at one time, been the Pastor of that very congregation.  Ike produced an antique German Luger from underneath the orange armband he wore so well, and he took deadly aim at the posterior of "Mother" Clanton.  Mother Clanton was Secretary to the Town Mayor (who happened to attend the church on the other side of the tracks that run right through Bonanza to this very day).  Mother Clanton survived the assault despite the fact that Wild Bill seemed to be drawing fire from the Huckleberrys as he saddled up closer to Mother Clanton.

Once the gunfire ceased, probably resulting from a shortage of ammunition, since it was the first Sunday under the new law, the assemblage gathered out by the river, and cleaned their weapons.  The Pastor, having suffered a superficial wound, was not inclined to proceed with the usual dunkings and hallelujahs that fateful Sunday.  Once the chicken dinner was served, things got peaceable once more, although several of the Huckleberrys seemed somewhat disturbed by the aroma of the secret sauce adorning the chicken.

Monday mornings edition of "The Bonanza Gold" carried the byline of the cub reporter who witnessed much of the happenings that day.  The banner headline read "Gunfight at the OK Chorale."  The editorial page was dominated by the words of the publisher, Old Man Cartwright, who wrote that the truly righteous should put their true faith in God, not guns.

Frodo says, "Amen."    




Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:46 PM EST
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Wednesday, February 11, 2009
I Want You To Show Me The Way
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: "Tear Down That Wall"(4)

Frodo is sensitive to criticism.  It is easy enough to find fault with almost anything, and criticism, whether of a novel or an appropriations bill, if constructively presented and received, offers great value to society.  The tail of the dog is that every once in a while, the critique requires specificity, and specificity usually requires an alternative to what is already on the table.

On this day, Frodo called the former Governor of Louisiana, the not-so-Honorable Edwin Edwards, who is occupying space in a fully-funded facility of the United States Government, in order to seek out his opinion of the financial stimulations underway by the current administration.  Edwards' high-roller status in Las Vegas is well-known, so Frodo felt that one who has proven to have no fear of losing a gamble would be an excellent critic of that upon which so much of our present national interest is hinged.

"Thank you for taking my call, Governor."

"It is my pleasure, Mr. Frodo.  Now, in exhange for what is it that you require?"

"Sir, I'm not sure I have anything to offer you, I have no gifts to bring (pa-rum-bum-bum-bum-bum), I thought you might simply enjoy someone seeking your opinion."

"Well, ask away, and we'll see what it might or might not be worth to you."

"Governor, the President has proposed a stimulation to the current worldwide recession, to the tune of about $800B, knowing, and even publicly offering, that should it fail, then his administration, and, in fact, the entire financial system of the free world may collapse.  What do you think about a gamble so similar to "letting it ride" while attempting to draw against an Inside Straight, if you will?"

"Well, first off Mr. Frodo, Ah do not accept your analogy, on something so very basically easy to resolve."


"Mr. Frodo, this entire mess can be solved by striking, aggressively, at the very root of the problem.  You do know what that root is, don't you?"

"Well, most economists point to housing as the core problem, both as the source of the debt and the inability to set value."

"Ah agree with that Mr. Frodo.  So wouldn't it make sense to you, to ignore everything else, and eliminate that part of the problem?"

"And how would we do that?"

"Increase the demand for housing.  Fill up all of those foreclosed properties.  Sell every empty house to a new homebuyer.  Put all of your unemployed back to work building even more houses."

"Okay, but where is the demand going to come from?  Nobody has any money, and nobody can get a mortgage to buy a house that nobody knows what it is worth."

"Boy, oh boy.  How quickly y'all move from one problem-to-another without ever solving anything."

"So what are you telling us to do, Governor?"

"Damn boy, just open the borders."


"Tear down that damn dumb wall y'all built on the southern border, and let all them Mexicans and Salvadorians come on in."

"You mean to open our borders to unlimited immigration?"


"But wouldn't that increase the chance of terrorism at home?"

"Could be."

"Aren't most of those people dirt poor?"

"Some are awfully rich."

"Like the drug cartels?"

"Could be.  But wouldn't all those people need housing?"

"Well, sure, but. . ."

"But nothing, they could get jobs just building houses for each other, and they'd create lots of new jobs for those here who are out of work."

"But, but who would pay them?"

"Boy, ya got two choices, either you, and all the rest of the taxpayers pay them, or you let the rich Mexicans and Salvadorians run their own capitalist enterprise.  No matter what, you'd have a whole bunch of new Americans who own their own home, and provide for their own families."

"Sir, I have to object.  We can't just let a whole bunch of criminals into the country willy-nilly."

"Boy, who do you think settled Australia?"

"Well, you have a point there."

"Don't you know that your whole darn country was made from people who ran away from debtors prisons, or worked off their passage to America by working as indentured servants?"

"Yeah, that is so."

"Well, then, what in the hell are you doing asking me about an inside straight when the first thing you should be doing is tearing down that stupid wall?"

"Governor, you are extremely persuasive.  You have given me something I need to think about."

"Give?  Son, we are now at the point where I tell you what I want for solving your problem."

"And what would that be?"

"There was a reall purty gal in one of those pictures on DEMWIT a couple of days ago.  How bout gettin' me her direct telephone number?"

Well, the President did ask each of us to help, didn't he?




Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:15 PM EST
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Sunday, February 8, 2009
At First I Thought It Was Infatuation, But It's Lasted So Long
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: "New Life, Old Leaves"(4)

Detritus has been deposited in the Gardens of the Shire by cold daily winds for what seems like the longest of seasons.  Wet and rotting leaves find their way into every nook.  Even the industrious Hobbit has found good reason to let the swirl be, and to seek other tasks closer to the hearth.  Then, with little warning, the clime dawns sunny and warm for the first time in the New Year, and the luxury of first one day, leads then to the deeds undone upon the second.  It is then that Frodo finds the rising bulbs, hidden beneath winter's mask, and notes the first color on the forsythia.

The old rake seems aware of its task, and performs seemingly independent of the untested shoulders.  Soon the tarpaulin is piled high with that which covered all the Earth, and Frodo strains with the long pull to the hillside below.  Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog, frolic for a moment, then realize that scattering more leaves is not a playtime agenda.  They need wait a while before joining the Hobbit on an excursion to inspect the activity in like-minded corners of the Shire.  For it is true that, despite all that is to be done, these first warm days are mostly occupied by uncovering what lies below, and an inspection of the possibilities.

The full moon that builds upon the day is dubbed "a raccoon moon," for reasons that Frodo knows not.  He has always suspicioned that it is an anniversary of the first sighting of a woodland creature.  It is one mystery easily solved he supposes, but Frodo is content with merely knowing that it is.  That which brings life back, and lessens the challenge of survival is something to be celebrated, not analyzed.  Soon the tasks at hand will be so voluminous that Frodo will bypass nearly all of his opportunities to free-lance, and maintenance will be his assignment.  Only the heat of the day will then bring him to pause and note that the detritus now warms a birthing salon, for coats of many colors.

May Frodo, and you, dear reader, enjoy your raccoon moon.  It will be a long time coming, again.  Look up and share the night sky with all those who thought enough about the world in which we live that they could help us chronicle this great gift.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:09 PM EST
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Saturday, February 7, 2009
You Know It Don't Come Easy
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)

Frodo is a capitalist.  Henry Ford, Andrew Carnegie, Steven Jobs may or may not be nice guys, but they each, individually, assumed the majority of the fiscal and the emotional risk in order to create and grow business opportunities for themselves, and for countless millions around the small blue planet.  Frodo recognizes that some succeed in spite of themselves, and others fall prey to simple bad luck.  What they have in common is that they tried, they worked hard, they worried, and they reaped from that which they had sown.  Frodo will never decry the wealth and accoutrements that accompany hard-won success, despite his empathy for those who fall along the sidelines.  For those who inherit wealth, Frodo has no interest, and he hopes that they are taxed at maximum rates.

Frodo is also, as discussed many times before, a behavioral scientist.  He recognizes that simple causal relationships cannot necessarily scientifically define human behavior.  It is, impossible, in Frodo's way of thinking to say, for example, that "if you give a person enough money, he will spend half of it, and save the rest."  There are simply too many "unknowns" to apply either history or predictive polling to test such an assumption.

The internecine struggle in the United States Senate over the President's Stimulus proposals has provided Frodo with input regarding the strengths of capitalism as well as the folly of human behavior.  Larry Kudlow, of CNBC, has been the object of some interest by Frodo, and after listening to parts of his show last night, Frodo is as mad as a hornet, and is prepared to tell that pompous derelict exactly why.

First off, Kudlow has never met a suit "off the rack."  He appears as if everything from his perfectly-knotted tie to his color-conscious shirt has been applied to his torso as if it were Saran Wrap.  Physically, absent the tonsorial applications, he could be a homeless guy on Peachtree Street.  There is absolutely nothing attractive about him, except the outer wrappings.  He is shrill, and he interrupts.  He makes Chris Matthews look attentive.

Last evening, Kudlow had a bevy of fiscal market experts at hand, nameless to be sure, discussing the impact of spending one's way out of a recession.  Among those receiving queries from the grand poobah of Brooks Brothers was some chickee with long brown, straight hair.  The hair was so long that it offered the possibility of toilet application in an emergency.  Kudlow was wandering off on a tangent, but he asked the chickee to whom a CEO owed his loyalty first, to his share-holders, or to his country?

Frodo could not believe the Ann Coulter-type response, i.e. "to his shareholders."

But what really pissed Frodo off was the fact that Kudlow absolutely imitated "de Tar Baby."  He say nuttin'.

Mr. Kudlow, how many CEO's are there in Arlington Cemetery?  Would it be proper for a CEO to request a deferment from military service in order to oversee an acquisition?  Are there any committments that truly take precedence over your country's call?  Do you really believe that Jeff Immelt owes a greater allegiance to those of us who own GE stock, than to his country?  

Mr. Kudlow, your extremely bad judgment; your tolerance of an  uninformed and irrational response by a nameless chickee with no mind whatsoever puts you on a special pedestal in the Frodo Hall of Fame.

Larry Kudlow, you are an Orc, but well-dressed, adds Frodo.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:38 AM EST
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Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Don't Hang Up, No, No, Oh Don't You Do It Now
Mood:  chatty
Topic: "Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)

Frodo, in all seriousness, has little patience with scofflaws, and that is particularly so when it comes to the issue of taxation.  Frodo is, however, not of such an ideological mindset as are those whose entire political philosophy hinges on their personal tax liabilities.  Frodos' life experiences have included some unique exposure to the process of taxation, and he is one who truly believes that "Taxes are the price we pay for liberty."  His opinions and his knowledge are much better than most.

Frodo knows that every candidate for national political office, and every consequential national political appointee is screened for conformance with the tax laws of the United States.  The IRS receives a "Type X" request, which carries a mandatory 3-day response, for every potential candidate or nominee, resulting in certification of "fact-of-filing."  Within the process, the subject "taxpayer" suffers a review of returns to identify any questionable inclusions or exclusions.  At this point, information is shared with the appropriate State and/or Local tax authorities so that complete compliance is assured.  If there is indication of something which may be problematical, the appropriate notifications are made and the nomination may be terminated.  Additionally, a more comprehensive review may be ordered should substantial noncompliance be uncovered.

An example of how such information is used can be found as it relates to Eleanor Holmes Norton (D-District of Columbia).   According to information published in the WASHINGTON POST and other media, when first selected to serve as the non-voting Member of Congress, Mrs. Norton was found to have not filed District of Columbia Income Tax Returns for 12 years, consecutively.  Mrs. Norton and her spouse each claimed that they thought the other had taken the appropriate action.  The Nortons filed the delinquent returns, paid all applicable penalties and interest, and then filed for divorce.  Mrs. Norton remains as the District of Columbia's Member of Congress.  Mr. Norton has been lost to history.

Had it been up to Frodo, Eleanor Holmes Norton would never have served a single day as a Member of Congress.  The argument that two attorneys, which is what the Nortons both were by profession, would be unaware of their joint failure to file income tax returns flies beyond credibility, especially when it continued for 12 consecutive years.  She should have shared a cell, at least, with Martha Stewart.

Tom Daschle served in the Legislative branch, representing South Dakota, for approximately 30 years.  At some point in time, his rank elevated him to to allow certain additional benefits.  To wit, he gets a bigger office, he is allotted more funds for his staff, and so on.  Included in these increased benefits is the service of a government-owned motor car, and a driver.  Said benefits are not included as "income" to Mr. "public employee" Daschle under the Internal Revenue Code.

Not too terribly long ago, Mr. Daschle was defeated in a re-election bid by John Methune (R-SD).  As the law permits, the "civilian" Tom Daschle received several lucrative private industry employment opportunities.  One of the benefits he received from his new employer was, you guessed it, a motor car, and a driver.   Incredibly, the value of such service is treated as "income" to a "civilian" under the Internal Revenue Code.  The failure by Mr. Daschle to include the benefit as "income" in three consecutive tax returns became the crux of the need for him to belly up more than $140K in additional taxes, penalties, and interest.

Frodo does not look to offer excuses for anyone.  However, it could be argued that Mr. Daschle, if he prepared his own return, may simply have either been unaware of the taxability of something he'd had for years, as non-taxable, or he forgot about including it after so many years of not having to do so.  If Mr. Daschle, and this is certainly most likely, had someone else prepare his return, it is entirely conceivable that he failed to include the information about the car and driver to his tax preparer.

Frodo notes that it took quite a while for this information to come to the fore, which would indicate that the IRS discovered the problem only after going into Mr. Daschle's returns in depth.

The true point of this discussion lies in the complexity of the Internal Revenue Code.  Frodo does not endorse flat, fair, or national sales taxes of any size, shape, or proportion.  He does recognize however that what we have is a process that can end up causing any one of us significant embarrassment.  And if you are wondering what Frodo would have done had he the power to do so, he would have suggested to Mr. Daschle that he withdraw his name from nomination.  And he would have felt like shit for so doing.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:19 PM EST
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Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Tramps Like Us, Baby We Were Born to Run
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "No Googling Allowed"(4)

"Mr. President?"

"Yes, Special Advisor for Pre-Employment Vetting, Mr.  Frodo, what do you need?"

"I screwed up, Sir."

"In what way?"

"Sir, I was absolutely convinced that the former Democratic Leader of the United States Senate, a man with a thirty-year track record in public life, was an absolute 'slam-dunk' as our Secretary of Health & Human Services nominee.  I let you down.  I let the country down by not pursuing tax issues to the Nth degree.  I should have. . ."

"Mr. Frodo, we don't have time to look back and lament our mistakes.  We need to learn from them, to go on, and not to repeat them.  That includes you, as well as me."

"Thank you, Sir.  Do you have any thoughts for me as we begin considering other candidates?"

"Well, in the spirit of cooperation, why don't we continue to look across the aisle?  Bob Gates is terrific for the Defense Department, so why don't we look to the Secretary of Health & Human Services, at least on an interim basis, from the Bush 43 White House?"

"Okay.  Sir, I can't seem to recall who that was?"

"That's funny, neither can I?"

The President hits his Blackberry and texts Vice President Biden, "Joe, who was HHS Secretary under Bush?"

A courier brings a hand-written message to the President, "Mr. President, the guy's name escapes me.  It was a guy, wasn't it?"

"Oh this is ridiculous.  Somebody has to know. Can't we just GOOGLE something like 'Bush HHS Secretary'?"

"The computer system has crashed again, Mr. President."


"Mr. President, can't we just call the former President at his ranch?"

"What time is it?"

"Oh right, it's after 10, he's in bed for sure."

"Do ya think Laura would know?"


"Where's Cheney?"

"Still at an undisclosed location we believe, Mr. President."

"Frodo, do you think Merry or Eowyn might know?  How about Annelle or Papamoka?  Sam?  Sam would know.  Sam knows everything."

"Mr. President, if any one of them knew, they have done everything since then in their power to forget."

"This is unbelievable.  Gone less than a month, and nobody can remember the name of a Cabinet Secretary responsible for everything from Social Security to Food Stamps."

"Uh, Mr. President?"


"Food Stamps come under the Department of Agriculture."

"Is that right?"

"Just don't ask me to name him, either?" 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:05 PM EST
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Saturday, January 31, 2009
Litlle Girl He's Never Dreaming Of You
Mood:  bright
Topic: "The Real Rhett" (4)

Funny it is, thinks Frodo, how one thing sometimes leads to another.  Many moons ago, while watching an original telecast of the series "MASH," Frodo noted that all of the contingent in the 4077th was gathered together to watch an old movie, in black-and-white, called "My Darling Clementine."  The showing was interrupted time-and-again by the serious tasks at hand in the comedic series.  Frodo not only laughed, but he wondered about this, as one of those old movies that he had never seen.

You know how it is, dear reader, we all have some book that we have heard about all our lives, but never read.  We all have at least one movie we have never seen, and are almost ashamed to admit it.  To Frodo, Wyatt Earp had always been Hugh O'Brian "strong, courageous, and bold," and to entertain any pretender, even Henry Fonda, was almost a sacrilege.  Tonight, Frodo had an opportunity to right a wrong, and he took advantage of it.

Some time ago, while traveling with the Men of Gondor, Frodo had the good fortune to visit the house of one named Margaret Mitchell, the author of what is commonly regarded as the greatest American novel.  The docent informed Frodo that most scholars speculate that it was the real Doc Holliday of the Wyatt Earp sagas who was the inspiration for the character Rhett Butler.  Because Ms. Mitchell died, tragically, in a motorcar accident before truly divulging all of the facts, this has remained a speculative item in American literary circles.

In "My Darling Clementine," produced not long after "Gone With the Wind" was first aired, the character of Rhett Butler was portrayed by Victor Mature.  Clark Gable, of course, was the quintessential rogue from Charleston in the most famous of all American movies.  Frodo was struck by the similarity between the portrayals of Rhett Butler by Gable and Mature.  Not having seen "Clementine" before, because of his arrogance, Frodo was unaware of the mystery which both men brought to bear in the portrayal of Captain Butler.  Some good, Frodo supposes, can be said to come out of the Korean War, and Frodo's interest therein.

The movie may indeed be the best of the old westerns that did not include John Wayne.  There are sweeping panoramas, in black-and-white of course, and camera pull-backs which portend a disappearance of time and episode.  Despite the title, the musical score was almost in absentia however, leaving Frodo almost palatal as he swooned lest he be carried away in silence. 

Time well-spent, and now it is on to a book, which he will find in the library, unread, and perhaps it will divulge the secret of how Mr. Caulfield dealt with the issue of farting in church.  Once again, Frodo already had a character in mind, and did not feel it necessary to detract from his own self-image.  Be thankful dear reader, that Frodo selected the leadership of Lord Tolkien in these adventures, lest he close each presentation not giving a damn. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:41 PM EST
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