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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
"One Down, More Comin'"
"One For the Good Guys"
"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
"Opportunity Sox" (3)
"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
"Osama Can You See?" (2)
"Our God Is Better" (3)
"Our Town" (5)
"Our Town" (8)
"Out Damned Spot (2)"
"Out of Kilter" (5)
"Out of the Ashes" (4)
"Overdue Books" (3)
"Pace Car" (3)
"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
"Passion Flowers" (5)
"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
"Patsy for America"
"Peaceful Easy Feelin"(3)
"Peacetakescourage" (3)
"Permanent Vacation" (5)
"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
"Problems?" (4)
"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
"Punxatawney Bush"
"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
"Rumblin' Bumblin'" (3)
"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
"Sauron Psalms" (2)
"Sauron's Scythe" (4)
"Savin' Gas" (4)
"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
"Scooter" (2)
"Scott Free" (4)
"Sears and Loveaduck" (5)
"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
"Serendipity Strikes" (3)
"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
"Skull and Bones"(4)
"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
"Smellin' Roses"
"Smirk Jerk" (2)
"Smokin' Pesticide Dope"
"Smoochy Time" (4)
"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
"Sorcerer's Apprentice"
"Soul Train" (5)
"Souter Rules, Dude"
"Southern Ladies" (5)
"Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)
"Space Poop" (3)
"Speechifyin'" (4)
"Speedy Gonzales" (3)
"Spelling, -23" (6)
"Sperm Count" (3)
"Spiro T. Palin" (4)
"Spoonerized" (6)
"Spring Equal Knox" (3)
"St. George" (4)
"Stan & Ollie"(7)
"State Dinner" (3)
"States' Rahts" (3)
"Sticker Shock"
"Stolen Bases" (3)
"Stragedy" (2)
"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
"Strip Searched" (9)
"Stupidly" (5)
"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
"Subsidizing Seeds"(6)
"Sunday, Sunday"(9)
"Sunni Daze" (4)
"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
"Survey Says" (6)
"Sweet Georgia Brown"
"Swiss Miss" (5)
"Take a letter, dearie"
"Take It Off Baby" (5)
"Takes a Worried Man"(4)
"Talibanme Banana"(8)
"Talkin' Turkey" (3)
"Tax Driver" (9)
"Taxpayer Assistance (2)"
"Tea Olive" (7)
"Tear Down That Wall"(4)
"Teflon Causes Cancer"
"Ten Cent Coke" (3)
"Tennessee Stinks" (6)
"Term Paper" (5)
"Terminal? Great!"
"Terre Bonne" (6)
"Terrible Swift Sword"(6)
"Terrible Two's" (2)
"Tess of D'Uberville"(8)
"Tess of the Dorghis" (8)
"Texas Exes" (8)
"Thank the Academy"(4)
"Thank You Rand Paul"
"Thank You, Molly" (2)
"Thanks, Dad" (3)
"Thar She Blows"
"That Looks Like Me"(5)
"That's the way it is"(5)
"Thawt Yuze a Toad"(7)
"The 60 Year Struggle"(5)
"The Atlanta Eye" (6)
"The Blue Dog"(11)
"The Boston Massacre"(9)
"The Boys of '63" (8)
"The Brotherhood Begins"
"The Eyes of Texas"
"The Forum" (2)
"The Future is Now (2)"
"The Garden of Good"
"The Good Book" (4)
"The Good Doctor"(6)
"The Great Quixote" (9)
"The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)
"The Important Stuff"
"The Italian Stallion"
"The Litany" (6)
"The Longest Day" (5)
"The Non-Issue" (3)
"The Perfect Storm" (2)
"The Pre-Fellowship"(4)
"The Prophecy"
"The Real Rhett" (4)
"The Second Amendment"
"The Silver Sow Award"(3)
"The Splurge" (4)
"The Turtle" (3)
"The Union Label"(6)
"There is a Virginia" (2)
"They're He-ear" (4)
"Thin Ice, Frodo" (4)
"Third Strike Nuance (2)"
"This Day in History"(3)
"This, Too, Shall Pass"
"Three A.M." (4)
"Three Siblings" (4)
"Three Votes Short" (3)
"Thriller" (9)
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"Tie a Yellow Ribbon" (3)
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"Time to Cut Brush" (3)
"Time With Friends" (3)
"Times A' Wastin'" (3)
"Title IX Disaster" (5)
"To Arms, To Arms"
"To the Hoop (2)"
"Together Again" (3)
"Tokyo Rush" (5)
"Tom Bombadil isDying"(7)
"Tom Bombadil Returns"(9)
"Tom" (4)
"Top Two Percent" (7)
"Tora Bora Lora. . ." (2)
"Torah, Torah..."(6)
"Toro, Andalay,Toro (2)"
"Touchdown Swabbie" (3)
"Tovarich" (4)
"Tra La,Spring,Tra La"(6)
"Train Wreck"(8)
"Transparency" (4)
"Travel Sucks" (4)
"Tree Fishin' (2)"
"Trees v. Forest"(9)
"Trekking Mount Doom" (2)
"Tripod Hackers?"(9)
"Trouble Sleepin'" (3)
"Truckin' for Isaiah" (3)
"Truly,Totally, Nuts"(3)
"Tuesdays with Nancy"(4)
"Tullahoma Tequila (2)"
"Tumbler" (3)
"Turkey Day Walkabout"(2)
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"Tweety Pie" (2)
"Twenty to Life" (5)
"Twismas Tunes" (5)
"Twisted Sister" (4)
"Two Americas" (4)
"Two Americas" (9)
"Two Steps Back" (4)
"Two Thousand, Ate" (4)
"Unademdaze" (4)
"Unborn in the USA" (6)
"Unbroken Circle" (7)
"Unconditional Surrender"
"Unconventional, you say?"(7)
"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
"Unmarked Grave" (6)
"Untimely Events"
"UR Number Is Up" (7)
"Vacation Brouhaha" (3)
"Vacation Comin'" (2)
"Vandals at the Gates"(2)
"Vat of Chocolate"(6)
"Vero Possumus" (4)
"Veto Shmetoe (2)"
"Vick Drops, Cough!" (3)
"Video Thriller"(5)
"Vinson Can Gogh"(6)
"Virgin Birth" (2)
"Virginia is 4 Lovers"(4)
"Virginia Lovers" (4)
"Vom Winde Verweht" (2)
"Vote for Steve" (2)
"Vote Frodo (Not)"(7)
"W is for Wuss""
"Wait 'til Next Year" (2)
"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
"Walkin' the Dogs"(8)
"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
"War on Middle Class"(2)
"War on Tara"
"Warm Bucket of Spit"(4)
"Was Miers His Attorney?"
"Watch Mr. Wizard" (3)
"Water Into Wine" (11)
"Water into Wine?"
"Watts da plan, Man?"(5)
"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
"We Will Rock You"
"Weather Channel Follies"
"Weddin' Down South" (3)
"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
"What is a Shimkus?" (2)
"What Mark Felt"
"What Schedule?" (2)
"What Time Is It (2)"
"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
"Wiccan I do for you?"(2)
"Wicked Pickett"
"Wide Stance" (4)
"Will better be?"(7)
"Willard" (7)
"Willie B had heart" (5)
"Winchester Women (2)"
"Wink at the Moon"
"Winter Solstice"
"Wishin' and Hopin'"
"Wither Channels" (5)
"Wither Weather"(9)
"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
"Worth Waiting For?"(5)
"Write a Letter" (7)
"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
"Wyomin' Gloamin'" (2)
"Xmas in Shreveport"(6)
"Yahoo" (4)
"Yankee Humor" (5)
"Yankee Ingenuity"
"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
"Yellow Peril" (3)
"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Monday, April 27, 2009
So Afraid of Dying That It Never Learns To Live
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: "Benny and the Jets"(5)

The Men of Gondor recently took a tour of the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta.  Initially, Frodo was surprised that tours are even available, since he had never met anyone who had ever participated in one, and he was even more surprised to learn that there is a small museum, open to the public, including a gift shop.  It struck Frodo as a sign of our time that all of these public facilities are on the other side of a security check which is far more ornate than any airport this side of Kabul.  The tour was, in truth, kind of "lame," in that it mostly consisted of topical views of the campus, passages through conference facilities, and a whirlwind passage through the museum.  There were no glass-enclosed viewing areas of brilliant people mixing the contents of vial and beaker, and the tour guide was unable to tell Frodo if the "haz-mat suits" are destroyed or are somehow disinfected and used again. 

Frodo had recently completed Ken Follett's tour through the Middle Ages, and was very mindful of the impact of the Black Death, the greatest plague known to Man or Hobbit.  Topically, the current outbreak of the "Swine Flu" as a pandemic, has given even greater credence to the lessons learned, or ignored, by those susceptible to an ill-defined virus.  It seems that the "Church" had almost as many ill-educated demagogues in the 14th Century as it does today.  Perhaps, thinks Frodo, a little criticsm of those whose words are taken literally by millions is appropriate at this point.

During the time of the Black Death, the political influence of the clergy extended over the medical decisions made by practitioners and researchers.  Such things as simple breathing masks were often forbidden, simply because no precedent existed in the texts viewed as blessed.  In fact, many accepted treatments, such as bloodletting, were more damaging to the patient than if nothing at all had been done.  It can be truthfully argued that these insular thought patterns contributed immensely to the death toll throughout Western Europe.

In our experience, the current Pope, whom we shall call "Benny," has argued, as previously discussed, that such simple things as condoms serve little purpose simply because their use may conflict with the dogma of those respecting literal translations of anything.  Benny's influence, sadly, has been picked up by the curent leader of the African National Congress, who, in response to criticism of his multiple bastardizations, argued that he did not require a condom because he always showered completely after sex.  Ignorance, it appears, spreads even more virulently than do the organisms responsible for our lamentation, past and present.

Those who believe, such as the dedicated scientists and researchers of the CDC, that disease is something more than the "will of God," are often defined as "secularists."  Indeed, the label is extended by the presently limp philosophers of the Church to all of those who reject the literal instructions of the modern-day bloodletters.  It is helpful to Frodo that, once again, the Church has helped Frodo to define himself.  Again however, it is a reflection of the negative, as opposed to the potential influence that religion can have in one's life.

Frodo gives thanks everyday that there are people like those who serve all of humankind.  He also can't help but hope that Benny develops some sort of rash on his butt that keeps him from sitting too long on the throne.  Until that time, Frodo will continue to wear the button he picked up at the CDC gift shoppe, the one with a charicature of a polio cell with a diagonal red line slash across indicating its' total elimination, by the combined efforts of God and Man.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:36 AM EDT
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Sunday, April 26, 2009
I Was Almost Persuaded
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Don't Cut My DSL" (5)

Frodo has been doing his absolute best to help stimulate the economy.  Despite the cost involved, Sam and Frodo have taken advantage of the competitive factors in labor and supplies in order to have major changes made to their home in the Shire.  99% of the project proceeded famously, leaving only the concluding tasks to be presented for Sam's approval.  It is not often that anyone realizes that Sam is equally adept whether outfitted in a flak jacket or in the wrestling garb of a Sumo warrior.  Pity, dear reader, he who presents himself as PJ.

Note also that this presentation commenced several days ago, and it was rudely interrupted by one of the more fearsome hail storms to ever present itself in Frodo's environs.  Frodo and Sam, in recognition of a ceremony which took place 39 years ago, against a betting line that did not exceed 39 days, subsequently retreated to Lake Lovey in order to re-charge their collective batteries, and to take note of the new goslings trailing behind the Canadians who have found the charms therein to their liking.  These newborns seem to make all cares disappear.

Sam was unable to connect with the Home Shopping Network, and she brought this to Frodo's attention.  Frodo worked backwards from the PC itself and found that the DSL line was severed where the workmen had been the day before.  Frodo alerted the telephonic megalith and they immediately dispatched a highly-paid technician.  He confirmed Frodo's diagnosis. 

The workmen involved were an international group of specialists outfitted in chutes and ladders.  Upon their first day at work, Frodo was struck by their similarity to the Seven Dwarves, seemingly athroat with a version of "Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho" as they fell down in worship of Sam and the vocational gift presented to them by the Hobbits.  Later, upon the discovery of the severed DSL line, it was disconcerting to note an absolute inability of anyone to admit a working knowledge of anything akin to "mea culpa."  It was at this point that the Yankee Overseer, and marketing genius, PJ, arrived and attempted to bring order to the cacophony before him.  His first mistake was to argue with Sam.

Since Sam had been wise enough to withhold all payment, including for supplies, it was soon concluded that it was unlikely that either Sam or Frodo had been involved in the damaged DSL.  An agreement was grudgingly accepted by the severely-chastized PJ.  Things definitely went downhill from that point however, when Sam took advantage of PJ's presence in order to review all of the prior day's labours.  What they found, although not the most serious of miscues, was coupled with PJ's repetition of the biggest mistake on the same day.

Sam's beloved Florida Room had been used to support ladders utilized by the Seven Dwarves to scale the rooftop.  Unfortunately, in six separate instances the ladders had initially come to rest upon the bare screens, and tearing ranged from the size of a marble, to the size of a softball.  PJ, reflecting a critical judgmental error, speculated that the damage may not have been caused by his workers.  Squirrels, in nearby dogwood trees, may have parachuted onto the screens in search of exotic entries into the Shire itself.  This was too much for Sam to bear, and the mien appeared as if it were cast from one of the Witches, pot astir, in Macbeth.  PJ was now in full receipt of a spell which ensured double trouble.

PJ's activity of the next several hours encompassed every conceivable conciliatory act dictated to him by the kindly Plantation Owner with whom Sam had struck the original agreement for services rendered.  PJ, at least Frodo assumes, had been threatened with testicular surgery by the voice at the other end of the cellphone.  Tone aside, the message was clear, and received.

On the morrow, after dawn breaks, will come the installation of new screens, and a new shutter, replacing one which had been mysteriously broken, we assume, by a coyote in pursuit of a bunny rabbit who bumped up against the shutter while attempting escape.  Sam will pass judgment, and Frodo will sit silent, while his live-in imitation of Judge Sirica questions each of the Watergate burglars.

The President should be advised that an international incident may be at hand.  The second 100 days appears no less challenging.      

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:06 PM EDT
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Monday, April 20, 2009
And They Call It Puppy Love
Mood:  blue
Topic: "A Dog Named Bo" (5)

In 1981 Jimmy Stewart, while a guest on the "Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson," read a poem he had written as a heartfelt goodbye to an old friend.  Twenty-eight years later, one can find "A Dog Named Bo" on YouTube, if there is an insurmountable need to shed a few tears for old times and friends, not forgotten.  Recognizing the fact that another dog, with the same name, now resides in the White House, Frodo found it necessary to remind himself just how important some milestones become, and how quickly time passes.

Frodo doesn't really know what to think about Chinese Water Torture dogs, mainly because he had never even heard the name of the breed until speculation began to mount aout the identity of the newest inhabitant of the Obama household at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.  The dog, given as a gift by the Kennedys of Massachusetts Bay Colony, looks a lot like a poodle with a perm, or dare we say, an Afro.  As explained frequently, allergies required that something non-threatening to sinus cavities was a prerequisite for consideration of a Presidential appointment, much less Senate confirmation.  Given all the hoopla, Frodo is confident that the candidate was fully vetted, and all taxes paid.

Excitement, as opposed to good judgment, accompanied the introduction of Bo to the White House Press Corps.  Before Helen Thomas could interject a single biting query, the candidate decided to head in another direction, dragging the athletic Mrs. Obama as if she were a chew toy tethered to a tennis ball.  The "Dog Whisperer" was, in all likelihood, being dialed by the Secret Service for an immediate consultation before the evening news cut to commercial.  What happened next is something that made Frodo think of that poem by Jimmy Stewart.

The President took the leash, and the two of them, man and dog, took off running, together, and they were laughing all the way.  Although one wore leather shoes,  it was an anointment of equals that caused Frodo to realize that this promise kept was a virgin act.  This was Barack Obama's first dog.

Bo will sleep in the bed of little girls.  He will sit patiently by the front door, waiting for the girls to get home from school.  He will play tug and hide-and-go-seek endlessly with them.  He will pursue them all around the White House lawn, and even track in mud if summer showers chase them inside.  All of that will be true, but it will be by the side of the President that he will walk when they are alone.

There is a tie that binds man and dog.  It is something that the President will not expect, but it will happen, as sure as rabbits will arise from the trails at Camp David.  One day, when it is least expected, it will be just the two of them, and words will no longer be necessary.  They will see it in each others' eyes, and they will laugh together just as they did when first they ran upon the White House lawn.

Republicans don't have dogs.  They prefer reptiles.         

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:25 PM EDT
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Friday, April 17, 2009
Let Me Go, Let Me Go, Let Me Go, Lover
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: "Rick Santa Anna"(5)

It has been quite some time since the word "secession" has been bandied about in Middle Earth.  In fact, Thurgood Marshall was probably a member of the Supreme Court when someone like, oh, let's say, the then Governor of Texas decided that the "sovereignty" granted unto the State by the 10th Amendment was threatened by all sorts of undesirable elements.  Frodo understands the political theater taking place in front of him.  After all, Kay Bailey Hutchinson may not be as attractive as Rick Perry, but, in contrast to most Texans, she does appear capable of distinguishing between an adjective and a verb.  The danger is that the issues in a gubernatorial election are again subordinated to the inane and trite proclamations of the unknowing, seeking to lead the incapable.

Frodo, as most know, does not hold anything "Texan" in high regard.  In fact, no regard might better describe the feeling he has as to what is represented by the void between New Mexico and Louisiana.  In keeping with the spirit of the Constitution itself, Frodo has proposed that Texans be limited to but 3/5ths of a vote.  Frodo is sure that a Constitutional scholar such as Governor Perry will recall the precedent.

Perhaps the "Frodo Proposal" will give added impetus to those who feel that Texas can provide for itself.  President Obama will be glad to assist; in fact, his first action will probably be to call up the Texas National Guard, and to assign the troops to a facility in Ohio.  The plethora of military installations in Texas, the result of continual "earmarking" by the somewhat less than distinguised vote-winners to seats in Congress, will necessarily be re-assigned to Michigan.  Pennsylvania wil offer the world a more receptive format for other federal facilities, including the newly-name "Ed Rendell Space Center" located in Lancaster County.  It is obvious that there are huge politically viable reasons for taking Governor Perry up on his idea.  In fact, there are such benefits to the nation as a whole, that the "Frodo Proposal" should be put forth as a non-negotiable demand.  Either accept the 3/5 vote, or try to avoid letting the door bounce off your butts.

A world without Texas would be like a day conceived in sunshine.   Good idea, Rick.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:59 PM EDT
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Monday, April 13, 2009
Meet Me At Midnight Mary, And Don't Let Anyone Know
Mood:  cool
Topic: "A Taxing Story" (5)

Willie Williams lived somewhere in Memphis, Tennessee; Frodo's job was to find out where.  The last address Frodo had was over a year old, and the current residents swore that no one by that name had ever made their acquaintance.  Frodo walked up-and-down that street, asking everyone who would speak with him if they were acquainted with Mr. Williams.  His last employer of record had severed him many months before.  The Post Office had no change of address.  There were over 100 Willie Williamses listed in the Memphis Telephone Directory, but none answerable to Frodo's quest. Anxious to please, Frodo was coming to the disappointing conclusion that he was going to have to close the assignment as temporarily "Unable to Locate," and to move on.

The dawn brought one of his co-workers by his desk, with a timely query.  "Mr Frodo," he asked, "weren't you looking for a guy named Willie Williams?"

"Why, yes," murmured Frodo, not wishing to broadcast his frustration too  far into his circle of co-workers, "Why do you ask?"

"Did you see this article in this morning's paper?," as he handed Frodo the "State & Local" section of the Memphis Commercial-Appeal.

Frodo noted a story about the brutal murder of a liquor store owner, not very far from the last address of Frodo's quarry.  Frodo dribbled coffee down his chin when he noted that the suspected assailant was named Willie Williams.

Later that day, after discussing the possibilities with his Supervisor, Frodo placed a telephone call to the Sheriff of Shelby County, Tennessee.  Frodo introduced himself and asked if the individual in his custody might have a social security card, or any documentation that could verify his identity.  The Sheriff informed Frodo that the suspect had no such documentation on his personage when arrested.  Frodo was afraid of that, for he was already aware that he would now have to go to the facility where Mr. Williams was being detained, and to interview him, in person, in order to determine if he was the Willie Williams Frodo had been assigned to find.

Frodo's more experienced partner accompanied Frodo to the facility.  Frodo had already been informed that he would be entering the same facility which had housed James Earl Ray during the trial which sent him to prison for life for the murder of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  Frodo was first struck by the fact that everything was green.  The walls, the clothing worn by the inmates, the tint to the lighting, and, Frodo recalls, even the leering grin given to him by the Jailer who checked his identification, appeared almost mossy green.

Frodo and his partner were seated at a bar-like structure separated by a very thick glass-like substance.  For several minutes they waited in silence, Frodo nervously reading and re-reading his file notes.  Without warning, the door at the rear wall on the other side of the glass opened and in walked the biggest man Frodo had ever seen in his whole life.  Willie Williams was in handcuffs and shackles, and if he was an inch, he was at least 6'8" tall, and weighed more than 275 pounds, without chains.  Two guards, one at each arm, guided him toward Frodo, and if he could have, Frodo would have, peed, right there.

Frodo looked up at the expressionless man and started to speak.  Unfortunately, his voice rose approximately six octaves and he positively squeaked his query "Sir, are you the Willie Williams who formerly lived at 13407 Vinton Avenue?"

The giant's eyes brightened and he roared in laughter, "No, but while you're here, where the Hell's my refund?"  

Frodo could not exit quickly enough.  He concluded his report later that afternoon, admitting that he had "temporarily" been unable to locate the assigned Willie Williams.  Frodo learned later that the last Willie Williams he had come to know was sentenced to 55 years in prison.

Frodo is somewhat chagrined to admit that, to this day, he has no idea whether or not that gentleman ever got his refund.  If, at the conclusion of his sentence, that Willie Williams comes looking for that junior IRS guy about his long-ago refund, Frodo hopes that he has covered his tracks as well as Mr. Williams' namesake.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:49 PM EDT
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Saturday, April 11, 2009
Be Nothing Left After The Hurricane
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Jim Crow" (5)

"Watch Michael Crow eat Crow because of Jim Crow.  How's that for succinct and to the point?", Frodo asked Samwise.

"I couldn't have done better myself, Mr. Frodo," responded Samwise.

The President of Arizona State University, Dr. Michael Crow, is a judgment-challenged nincompoop.  He has the apparent intelligence quotient of a bullfrog, and has done damage to both the reputation of a major academic institution and concomitantly given credence to the continuing existence of racism as a behavioral factor in American social policy.  The burlesque performed by an academic administration in order to justify the lunatic ravings of those who would deny awarding an honorary degree to the President of the United States whom they invited to their own Commencement exercises absolutely defies logic.  There is no need for Frodo to further explain the circumstances.

Frodo asks only if Michael Crow is able to see Russia from his verandah?

Would someone please tell him that he can pick up his certificate from CBS for his winning entry in David Letterman's "Stupid Pet Tricks"?


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:26 PM EDT
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Thursday, April 9, 2009
Heard It In A Lo-of-ve Song
Mood:  sharp
Topic: "Copy Cat Chinese" (5)

Frodo first started to pay attention in classrooms when the topic du jour was some place where Frodo had never been.  This might explain why mathematics ranked somewhere below getting stuffed into a locker by fifth-graders.  Had Frodo known, for example,  that some of the greatest mathematicians emanated from faraway places, with strange-sounding names, he might have actually had some interest in the topic.  Unfortunately, Mrs. Kessler did not share Frodo's theories on educational achievement, and the rote memorization of fractions continued to plague the Hobbit. 

One of the earliest lessons today recalled by Frodo, was that the Japanese made things faster, and cheaper, than Americans.  Mr. Wissler explained that Orientals were great at copying things, and that once given the design of a mighty Detroit automobile, they could make a copy and ship a much cheaper, and smaller, model to America.  Since the Japanese were smaller, probably because they only ate rice and fish-heads, they would alter the design to fit their needs, and sell the rest of their inventory to other Orientals.  Frodo was thus acclimated to the theory that Americans were smarter, but that the Japanese were hungrier.  Their products were also "Japanese," meaning that they were likely to fall into pieces before the product was fully unwrapped.

Of late, there has been a lot of talk about how America is being changed into "socialism."  Obviously, the economic crunch has brought about a number of actions designed to bring cash assets into a cash-starved system both quickly, and thoroughly.  The involvement of government in the private sector has given fodder to the loyal opposition who go to great lengths to argue against this particular course of action.  It goes without saying that, absent any plan of their own, the "Party of No" has become the mantel which they must bear.

China announced plans on Wednesday to build thousands of new hospitals and to put a new clinic into every village within the next three years.  It will cost a whole lot of money.  It seems that this is the first step taken by the Communist Government in order to implement universal health care in that country.  The plan has been in preparation for more than a decade it seems, and is in response to this, the largest area of public complaint in the People's Republic, the high cost and the poor availability of health services.  Frodo was struck not only in the timing, but in the substance of the plan.  America, it appears, is not alone in recognizing a big problem, and Americans have many of the same concerns as the Chinese.

So are the Chinese becoming more "capitalistic," or are they merely, once again, copying the Americans.  To Frodo, the argument of "socialism" in the American government carries even less credibility today than it did yesterday.  It may also indicate that people are much the same, no matter what they eat for lunch.  Mr. Wissler, were he still around, would have been man enough to change his lesson plans.  Mrs. Kessler, on the other hand, would have sent Frodo to the Principal's Office, again.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:23 PM EDT
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Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Wrap Me In Your Arms And Rock Me Baby
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "Change is Good" (5)

Frodo spanked Mick, the Wonder Dog, yesterday.  Sam spanked Fiona today.  Mr. Beau Neau McKitty bounds down the stairs at a feverish-pace in order to exit any door he hears being opened into his savannah in the Gardens of the Shire.  Sydney flies into the living room every time he takes note of workers peering through windows into his aerie in the kitchen.  The entire Shire is in disarray, and the curious misbehavior of its inhabitants is a reflection of a change in the regular order of things.  Frodo believes fervently that change is good, but there are times when the momentary supercedes the long-term, and one can't help but wish that things were as they have always been.

The entire exterior of Frodo's home is systematically being removed, and replaced by a new, improved, material.  That means that for the past three days strange beings have been pounding and ripping all about.  Despite the high price, and the definite requirement to continue cutting costs, Sam convinced Frodo that the need was great and that it would help restore the economy.  Sam is extremely persuasive.

Mick, the Wonder Dog, ran into trouble because he took note of salsa carelessly set aside by those who had therefore extended him an open invitation to join in their mid-day respite.  Despite Frodo's warnings, and the subsequent red and yellow upchuck deposits on Sam's nice carpeting, Mick, the Wonder Dog, continued in the forbidden quest which produced the corporal punishment, duly issued.  The chastized look in the eyes of Mick, the Wonder Dog, is not something quickly forgotten.

Fiona decided that since no one was paying her sufficient attention that the opportunity for an unsupervised "walkabout" would never be greater.  Besides, she figured, she could hear Sam's call, and would return post haste if so summoned.  Unfortunately, she evidently wandered out of earshot, and did not return at any point even close to Sam's expectations.  To be punished by Sam is the absolute low point in Fiona's charmed life.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, huddled in fear that he, too, might be the object of Sam's furor, for what he might not know, but being close to Fiona at such a point is bound to bring fear into the hearts of creatures, innocent or otherwise.

Beau Neau McKitty is convinced that chipmonkeys and lizards with blue-tails are running amuck in his backyard.  He peers through window glass, softly meowing at every perceived movement, as if to plead his case for parole.  The workmen however, leave gates wide open, necessarily so, and the danger of a feline on the loose is beyond the comprehension of the Hobbits.

Sydney screams until the entire universe gathers to threaten him with imminent freedom.  There is no fury to match the wrath of a caged bird who wants something other than what presently exists. 

The work continues for days to come, although most of the banging and ripping has ended.  Caulking, painting, and small-trim tasks will eventually bring the project to a close.  Until then there will be fitful naps and delayed dinners, each causing a certain amount of consternation in the habits of those whose body clocks run on a schedule unmatched at Grand Central Station or Hartsfield-Jackson Airport.  The eyes are everywhere, staring at Frodo, asking why he has permitted the torment of those who call him their friend.

Sigh.  Frodo knows how Barack Obama must feel.  Maybe he should've run on a platform of keeping things in the middle of the road, instead.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:15 PM EDT
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Sunday, April 5, 2009
Ya Got Me Rockin' And a Rollin'
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Revoltin'Development"(5)

What, Frodo asks, was accomplished by setting fire to a hotel in Strasbourg, France?  Why set tires on fire, and create a plume of black smoke that hovers over the environment?  Who would break all the windows in a bank there that hovers on the edge of bankruptcy?  When did all the conceivable reasons for holding a protest march become a "cafeteria plan" (join us, and pick your poson)?  Where have all the flowers gone?  Frodo would simply like to know the story behind those who march in his place, a generation too late?

"Maybe," says Frodo, "they simply don't get it.  They are so self-centered, that they don't understand the issues.  They see every injustice as an intertwined principle, justifying violence and anarchy.  There is no attempt to put things in their rightful place, like there was when, first things first, we had to end a war."

Dear reader, Dayana Mendoza, the reigning "Miss Universe," put forth her opinion on the debacle that is Guantanamo, and perhaps offered a truthful insight into why some people just want to set fire to everything.  Ms. Mendoza, sponsored by the USO, visited the detainee camps and reported on that "It was a lot of fun!. . .We visited the detainees camps and we saw the jails, where they shower, how they re-create themselves with movies, classes of art, books. . . I didn't want to leave, it was such a relaxing place, so calm and beautiful."

Several days later, Mendoza's comments were replaced with an officious comment on the blog that her "comments had been in reference to the hospitality she received while meeting the members of the US military." 

Yeah right, like in the showers?

Frodo would like to ask one of the insurgents at Strasbourg why they haven't chosen Guantanamo as a site for a demonstration of their righteous indignation?  Admittedly, American citizens might be prohibited from attendance, but that doesn't mean all the rest of our revolutionaries du jour couldn't soak up a few rays while they tried to put an end to America's latest humiliation.  The Americans in this crowd could really follow in the footsteps of Walden Pond if they peacefully disobeyed the laws of their own land and traveled to Cuba, and just sat down at the gates of our national shame.  Makes you wonder why they haven't, since nobody seems to have a clue as to what they were doing in Strasbourg?

Water boarding, to some, must be what they do at Big Sur.      

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:14 PM EDT
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Friday, April 3, 2009
Used To Daydream In That Small Town
Mood:  chatty
Topic: "Promises To Keep" (5)

When Frodo was a lonely graduate student in the City of Orleans, he got to know a number of foreign students.  Like Frodo, they didn't have much money, and their loved ones were half-a-world away.  Most Americans avoided any relationship with foreign students, simply because there was nothing to be gained.  You couldn't understand half of them, and the other half glared at you behind your back, according to Frodo.

Gabriel Bach lived on the same floor as Frodo, and they were students in the same department.  By accident, they mutually shared the opinion with each other that the Department Chair didn't have an elevator going all the way up his anatomy.   They immediately took a liking to one another.  Gabriel had red, curly hair, already receding, and a full beard, also red.  He carried about 10 pounds too much on a frame over six feet tall.  Frodo would never have guessed him to be French, until he heard him talk.

One Sunday evening, as Frodo carried a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, and a Barq's Root Beer back to the dormitory, he met Gabriel coming out in another direction.  Frodo recognized Chito, from the Phillipines, the greasy guy from Manchester, England, and the wild-eyed Chinese Physics guy whose name Frodo never did learn to pronounce.  Gabriel explained that it was "Lutheran Night," and they were all going to the Lutheran Student Center for dinner.  Subsequently, after many questions, Frodo learned from the foreign students that each of the student activity centers sponsored by religious faith-groups offered a free dinner each week to any student who attended a prayer service that evening.  Monday it was the Methodists, Tuesday the Episcopalians, and so on, with the total coverage being six dinners, family-style American food, for free (Saturdays were uncovered, for obvious reasons).  All you had to do was pray.  Frodo can do a pretty good imitation, he learned. 

When Mardi Gras came early in March, Frodo carried a bottle of cheap wine with him as he wandered the French Quarter all alone amid the most-festive environment in all of Middle Earth.  Frodo missed Sam very much, and he was content to drown his loneliness.  While he sat alongside the docks of the river, he heard his French "amie" call to him, as he and what appeared to be one-half of the entire United Nations were running, hand-in-hand, through the crowds, singing songs and celebrating their inebriation while Frodo concealed his.  Gabriel grabbed the Hobbit's hand and pulled him along as they all sang something that sounded like "100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall," in a dialect discernible to no one.

It was a sad day for Frodo when he loaded his trunk of books into the taxi that would take him to the airport at year-end.  Gabriel was staying in order to attend summer sessions (in the City of Orleans, gasp).  The illness of Frodo's father was such that Frodo was pretty sure that his academic career faced an uncertain conclusion a degree before his plan.  Frodo knew that Gabriel was a life-long resident of a town called Strasbourg, in France, and he promised his friend that he would someday come calling.  That promise seemed to satisfy them both.

Frodo thought of his promise this day.  He searched the faces in the crowds of young people in the small town on the French-German border who had come to see the new American President, and to ask him questions.  Frodo realized that he was probably looking for a young boy or girl with red hair, and hoping that one of them might ask the President if he knew someone named Frodo.  Frodo will keep his promise, but until then, he can perform that imitation prayer hoping that he does not end up like Helene Hanff, arriving too late at Charing Cross Road.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:49 PM EDT
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