Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Heal The Sick, Raise The Dead
Mood:

a-ok
Topic: "Obama's Generals"(5)

"President Obama Sir, we have a problem."

"A problem, you say? I'm not sure we can limit our challenges to the singular Press Secretary Frodo."

"Sir, this guy Winfield Scott, as Commanding General of the Army, is a dinosaur. There is no way we can meet the challenges of the latter-half of the 19th Century with him in charge of the Armed Forces."

"Well Frodo, if you'll recall, the cornerstone of my election campaign was the issue of change. General Scott has served his country well, but I'm kind of leaning to this guy McClellan to replace him."

"McClellan? Are you crazy? That guy is the closest thing to Caesar's Cassius."

"He does have a 'lean and hungry' look, doesn't he?"

"Sir, he's a back-stabber, who uses words like 'bi-partisan' while he rips your heart out from behind."

"Well what about Ambrose Burnside? He's a patrician, and those prominent 'sideburns' bring attention as soon as he enters a room."

"Yeah, but he is as dumb as a stump, and is probably better off working on a farm in Crawford, Texas."

"Where?"

"Never mind. How about 'Fighting Joe' Hooker? As they say, 'he takes no prisoners,' and he will quickly win the trust of the soldiers themselves."

"I just keep coming back to McClellan."

"Lord God Almighty, anybody but McClellan. How about George Meade?"

"I'm afraid we could hand him certain victory, and he'd stop to water his horse."

"Well, no arguments there. You could try Henry Halleck."

"Halleck? He could be in that job for three years before his secretary would recognize him."

"Ha, that's good. You know, you could take a turn on the kids Sheridan or Sherman?"

"Well, you mentioned the problem there. Neither one of them are barely prepared for anything beyond one Army, much less all of them. I just wonder if McClellan isn't capable of growing into the job?"

"Sir, I'm telling you, that guy is a snake, and he will end up challenging you and your authority as leader of the free states."

"You know, maybe we need to get back once again to what we said we were going to do, and make a complete change."

"Sir, I'm telling you, doing nothing is not an alternative. Winfield Scott can't handle it, and relying on somebody like McClellan to follow your orders would destroy all of your political capital with your supporters, and God knows we've lost almost all of them already. In fact, some of the newspapers are reporting that you might not win re-election."

"I didn't take this job to stay in it the rest of my life."

"I know Sir, but my point is that people are questioning your ability to lead, particularly in this, the greatest potential crisis of confidence our young country has ever faced."

"Frodo, I know all of that. I fully intend to live up to my committments, and one of those was to try and end the violence, the enmity that exists between North and South. I may stumble a time or two, particularly with a General like McClellan, but, hopefully, the principles outlined by our fledgling democracy in our blessed Constitution and Declaration of Independence will temper the ill will that divides our nation."

"Sir, that's why I'm here."

"I, too, Mr. Frodo."

"Excuse me Sir, I have a problem to take up with General Scott before you meet with him."

"Oh, and what is that?"

"I'm not sure, it has something to do with one of our Generals who has been drinking on the job."

"Ha. Sounds like he may be the only one with a shred of sense."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:23 PM EDT

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Tuesday, August 18, 2009

One Love, One Heart, Let's Get Together And Feel All Right
Mood:

mischievious
Topic: "Reimers' Rhymers"(5)

Frodo feels no sorrow noting the passing of one who lived a bit longer than 96 years. He was struck however by his immediate recognition of the man's words, if not his name. The retired actor and TV announcer, Ed Reimers, died at his daughter's home in Saratoga Springs, New York, on Sunday. For 22 years, starting in 1957, Reimers was best remembered for his words on behalf of his employer, "You're in good hands with Allstate."

What tickled Frodo's fantasy however were the obituary-like references to his other assignments as the voice of something well-known during Frodo's Hobbithood. It seems that Reimers also served as the announcer for the black-and white Western "Maverick" which made James Garner its star. Frodo chuckled when reminded that Reimers also served as the announcer for the TV Game Show "Do You Trust Your Wife?"

Hmmm, "Maverick," "Do You Trust Your Wife?," and "You're in good hands with Allstate." Sounds like the rudimentary construction of sentences in the South Carolina Governor's Mansion, doesn't it? Or maybe once upon a time in Alaska?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:17 PM EDT

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Sunday, August 16, 2009

Make Believe You Love Me, One More Time For The Good Times
Mood:

crushed out
Topic: "Boromir & Galadriel"(5)

This will be, perhaps, for those familiar, the last mention of these protagonists in this epic. Galadriel is no more, and not until she had passed was there a grandchild. Boromir was never able to be alone, and the divorced pastor's wife became his new companion, too soon, for some.

The son of Boromir & Galadriel is a philsopher, and his contacts with those outside his sphere are few. His concepts of sympathy and understanding fall prey to rational discourse on empiricism, and leave him in the loneliness that his father could never accept. It is his choice, and a world in which he is happy.

The daughter was born to rolls of baby fat and "orangeish" red hair. Frodo feared that she would be an ugly duckling for all her days, but she became the graceful swan with an angelic smile and an appreciation for Frodo's prose, even deeper than that of her mother. The daughter grew in latest of years from antagonist to the best of friendships with the declining Galadriel. Therein lies the tragedy of this tale, and the probable end thereto.

The divorcee contacted Boromir after the death of Galadriel, and less then three months later they met and discussed the pages in their respective lives, and how new chapters seemed blank. Not too long thereafter Frodo learned that it was the intent of Boromir and the Divorcee to wed. The daughter of Boromir and Galadriel was furious, and nothing that Boromir could say would assuage the pain. The immediate response being that Boromir was forbidden to ever see the grandchild, named for the gentle Galadriel.

Now, more than a year has passed, and last month Boromir and the divorcee were wed in another kingdom, far from the Shire. A reception was held in a very nice establishment not far from the Shire for the newlyweds this past eve, and Frodo, led by an ephemeral Sam, grasped the hand of his friend and hugged him as two old warriors are prone to do. Then he was introduced to the divorcee.

Frodo thought of his own mother. She was not the "sex kitten" he had anticipated, she was actually almost dowdy, and she spent more time talking about her days at Yale Divinity, than she did in affairs of the heart. Frodo, and Sam, in discussion after, both realized that there had been a dual human need for the sameness of relationship, as opposed to arousal, and that that had brought two people together, escaping loneliness and fearing a repeat of pubescent frustration.

Frodo remains frustrated and disappointed in the daughter of Boromir & Galadriel, for her failure to attend the reception, or to accept any reasoning discussion from any of the numerous guests who told Frodo of their sad experience in attempting to do so. Her pain, her grief, is so great, that she cannot find forgiveness; she will not even try.

Many years ago, when Boromir had violated the trust to love and honor, it was Frodo, alone, who spoke not to his friend, but waited for him to come and to talk. When that finally did happen, it cemented their bond as "brothers," and gave Galadriel great comfort in the support they shared with the Hobbits. No others shared that trust from both Boromir & Galadriel.

Now, Frodo would like to approach the daughter of Boromir & Galadriel, and to shake her until her sense returned. He must, however, do as he did before, and to wait until asked. His silent prayer this day is that the day does come, and that Frodo can talk, without crying. Some events in human terms go beyond the pale, but, Frodo supposes, that is why there is a heart located where there could just as easily be a second brain.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:57 PM EDT

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Thursday, August 13, 2009

It's Just a Matter of Time
Mood:

caffeinated
Topic: "September Twelfth"(5)

"Let's turn back," said Frodo, "to those thrilling days of yesteryear."

It will soon be eight years, and much has changed. Not unlike many of us, Frodo has been reflecting upon the history of those days, and their impact on the day at hand. The span of time between January 20th, 2001, and the Inaugural of George W. Bush as the 43rd President of the United States, to the events of the 11th day of September was just about a week short of eight months. During that time, the President had spoken to the nation on televison, and had declared that an extension of federal funding for stem cell research would be prohibited. Not unlike the major workings of the government itself, he also found time to vacation for the entire month of August. Rumblings about Social Security Privatization, and tyrannical regimes in other parts of the world were in preparatory abeyance. Tax rebates for the unwary, and tax cuts for the wealthy were in fact.

On the 12th day of September, with dust and debris all about, and shock on all our minds, questions were being raised. It does not matter who was asking or who was answering, for the responses were identical.

It was not his fault.

He had not been President long enough.

The prior Administration had been distracted and failed to dispose of the problem in its infancy.

The Intelligence apparatus failed.

The security of the nation had been weakened in the budget cutbacks initiated by his predecessor.

Too much freedom had been extended to the republic thereby threatening the safety of us all.

Yada, yada, yada. Joe Scarborough, Karl Rove, Mary Matalin, Peter Jennings, Hillary Clinton, Donald Rumsfeld, Colin Powell, Dennis Hastert, Rudy Guiliani, Tom Daschle, Kaye Bailey Hutchinson, Clarence Thomas, George Allen, Chuck Norris, and you, dear reader, and if not you, certainly someone in your family, utttered one, if not all of the reasons why it wasn't his fault.

After September 12th it became his mantra.

In just about a month, it will be eight years. The Bush Administration is a fading memory, pleasing few. The new President is being hoisted with his own mantra nearly a full month ahead of the grace period granted his predecessor. At this point, in the midst of an opposition continuing the displeasure of election defeat, President Obama has had his nationality, his loyalty, and his integrity questioned by those who feel that he is responsible for all their perceived ills. Few, if any, repeat the arguments spoken on behalf of his predecessor, although consideration thereto need be uttered.

The prior Administration had eight years to deal with a pending economic tsunami, but their intelligence apparatus failed. The deregulation of the banking system alone made all of us vulnerable to machinations we couldn't even define. A monetary deficit, unparalleled in scope, the product of wars of choice and unseemly tax cuts, hinders the necessary capital expenditures which any recession places on society. The threat is just as grave as it was eight years ago, albeit in very different ways.

Frodo wonders why one guy didn't feel any blame at all on September 12th, and another guy is blamed for everything from swine flu to Mrs. O'Leary's cow? If there were any fairness in life or politics, nobody would blame Barack Obama for anything that has happened or been initiated prior to September 12th, 2009.

What gives Frodo so much hope, and so much confidence, is the fact that, unlike his predecessor, Barack Obama has learned not to take it personally, and to accept criticism as input. Not unlike the Corporate CEO demonized during this period of economic challenge, Obama knows that his direct involvement at a premature moment is the error of the unwary. Wisdom guides him to amass the input into a democratic product, which he can then stand and present as something truly American.

Think Frodo is overly optimistic? Listen to Rush Limbaugh (for five minutes, if you can breathe through your mouth that long), and hear him lament that which is bound to come.

Frodo would love to see that happen on September the 12th, when our nation finally casts its lonely eyes on Joe DiMaggio. If it happens the next day, so be it. Frodo doesn't want to have any more dates to memorize.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:21 PM EDT

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Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Your Voice As Warm As a Sweet Summer Breeze
Mood:

bright
Topic: "Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)

Frodo once heard an actor define the "Self-made man as a horrible example of unskilled labor," something he has never forgotten. Bill Gates, who never finished his degree program at Harvard, and went on to become, for a time being anyway, the "richest man in the world," is an example of a self-made man who seemingly defied the definition. Gates, who founded MICROSOFT, just happened to have a technical disposition as well as a working knowledge of circuits and causal relationships which made the rigors of academia just a bit excessive. Other examples speak for themselves.

Rush Limbaugh dropped out of Southeast Missouri State University.

Sean Hannity dropped out of Adelphi University, and, for good measure, NYU.

Glenn Beck, after graduation from high school, started to work in radio stations (thereby negating the efficacy of even attempting to matriculate).

Bill O'Reilly graduated from Marist College, received a Master's (Broadcast Journalism) from Boston University, and a Master's in Public Administration from Harvard.

Considering the public record, Frodo concludes that enrolling at Harvard is not a bad thing, but graduation is to be avoided. By the same token, marginal high-school or college students who join the Radio Club should be encouraged to enlist in the military. A mouth, it seems, without discipline or enlightenment, is nothing more than a terrible vessel of waste.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:28 PM EDT

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Monday, August 10, 2009

Close That Door Richard, I Just Seen The Thing
Mood:

irritated
Topic: "Here Kitty-kitty"(5)

Troup County surrounds West Point Lake, and is only about an hour south of the Atlanta airport on the Alabama State line. This past November 16th, an unidentified deer hunter, herein referred to as "Rufus" for the sake of simplicity, was sitting in a "tree stand" waiting for Bambi's Dad to wander into his sights. A "tree stand," for the uniniated, is a chair, with a safety belt, which these bulbous athletes use to rest their tired feet, and to camouflage as much of their torso as possible. In this case, Rufus was about to be confronted with the only thing that fell outside his realm of preparation, i.e. a decision.

"Puma concolor" properly identifies a subspecies of the American Mountain Lion known as the "Florida Panther." There are fewer than 120 of these creatures still alive on our small, blue planet, predominantly because of the ancestors of the intrepid Rufus. What Rufus saw beneath him that day proved to be a 140 pound, four-year-old male, who had wandered over 650 miles from the last remaining territorial expanse of these endangered creatures, presumably in search of his own home. We know all of these facts because of the autopsy performed on the panther by veterinarians at the Southeastern Cooperative Wildlife Disease Study at the University of Georgia.

Frodo recognizes that a 140 pound panther does present a certain level of threat, but to a fat guy in a tree, with a high-powered rifle? That's right sports fans, our good ole boy Rufus didn't know what it was, so the only thing to do was to kill it.

Frodo is hopeful that Rufus is not in anyway involved in the current unrest in the discourse about Health Insurance Reform. We can't be sure however, since what wildlife law enforcers have refused to do is identify Rufus, much less charge him with any crime whatsoever. To, Frodo, it is worth noting that it wasn't all that long ago that no charges would've been filed against someone like Rufus who might've shot at a black man, who probably weighed more than 140 pounds, and could probably climb a tree.

The victims get equal justice in Georgia, despite the written word in the book of laws.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:00 PM EDT

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Thursday, August 6, 2009

Kicks Just Keep Getting Harder To Find
Mood:

lyrical
Topic: "Mooosic" (5)

Frodo thinks a lot about music, and how much it means to the world around him. Although he would never be caught dead walking around with some sort of personal music machine, he does have his places and his times where music fills the air. Driving in his motorcar, when a Scott Shannon broadcast has faded from clarity, provides him with an opportunity to catch up on CD's composed by friends and artists alike.

Sam's dear friend Allen, a taxidriver in Edinborough, whose dream is to someday sing with Kenny Rogers, sends compilations of concerts recorded in castles strong. Somehow, Frodo never thought about the Scots-Irish heritage in reverse, and how much it seems to move those tough guys whose ancestors had no love for anything like a British Invasion.

Patsy and Joe were friends at the College of the Shire whose entire romance flourished as they danced to the music, and now they compile an annual masterpiece which is valued throughout the known world. For more than twenty-five years they send precious friends a CD with songs not presented to the general public within the scope of aging memory. Every tune is as fresh as if it were dripping from the lips of Otis, and his band, who made John Belushi scream "Toga, Toga."

There are, of course, theme productions, and single artist compilations, usually purchased at deep discount, which rarely age well. It matters not to Frodo, for even Buck Owens can stir a TV memory with friends, playing karaoke and drinking beer, at the top of their lungs, before jungles and yellow men took them away, forever. Disco music can be dangerous while driving, but the aging John Travolta sparks great amusement from those who peer in the window labeled "Obama-Biden" and see the white boy grin back.

If Frodo were a Congressperson, planning to spend the next several days speaking to his constituents about Health Care Reform, he thinks he would bring a sound system with him. It is an adage that music soothes the savage beast; even, he imagines, cows and turkeys.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:07 PM EDT

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Wednesday, August 5, 2009

My Love Is Like a Story Book Story
Mood:

cheeky
Topic: " Putin' Out" (5)

Frodo was deeply engrossed in the news of the day, and almost missed an apparent off-hand comment from the former Governor of Alaska. Sarah Palin announced that there was no truth to the rumor that she and Todd were contemplating divorce. Now Frodo is no authority on matters of this nature, but he learned a long time ago that a denial by a politician of something contemplated by absolutely no one generally precedes an event of some magnitude. As he raised his eyes toward the black-and-white, the picture was changing to images of the masculine symbol of mighty Mother Russia. It was another series of shots of Putin, bare-chested again, and his tensed "pecs", on horseback, and on display.

How could Frodo have missed the signs?

Sarah said that Putin was flying over all of the time, and that she was watching from her front porch. Now, here he is, for the second time, in something like GQ, strutting his stuff.

Does the Appalachian Trail run from South Carolina through Alaska to Siberia?

Sarah resigns her position as Groovenator of Alaska, closing out her responsibilities with a rambling love poem that could be best scored with the music from a balalaika (and the irrepressible William Shatner doing his best Rod McKuen imitation). She then fails to show up for her scheduled appearance to honor Ronald Reagan (which is not much different from the Pope missing Easter Sunday entirely).

Hey, isn't that the same guy ticketed on the next Alaskan Airlines plane that sat up all night outside John Edwards' hotel room for the National Enquirer?

Inquiring minds want to know (wink) (wink).

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:14 PM EDT

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Tuesday, August 4, 2009

There in The Edge of Darkness Stands The Peace Train
Mood:

d'oh
Topic: "Darth Dick" (5)

The following conversation was monitored by employees of the United States Department of Justice, authorized under the Patriot Act, and protected by the Memos of John Yoo. Sergeant Frodo Baggins presiding.

"How ya been Dick?"

"Just fine. Are you calling to tell me that you've changed your mind about Scooter?"

"No Dick."

(click)

(redial) "Listen to me just a minute will ya, I've got something that'll really catch your house on fire."

"Whose idea was it?"

"Mine."

(click)

(redial) "Dadgum it, this'll give you a chance to go one up on Gore, Clinton, and Obama, all at the same time."

"Hmm. I'm listening."

"I want you, the former Vice President, to go to North Korea as my, the former President, as my Special Emissary."

(click)

(redial) "Lissen here, this is the one thing you can do to get your approval ratings back above mine."

"Are you drinking again?"

"Dick, I want to put you on one of them unmarked passenger jets, free of any pre-flight security checks, carrying your favorite thirty-aught-six, and to blast that little pecker to Hell when he walks up to greet you in Pyongyang."

"Let me get this straight. You want me to kill Jong Dong Ill or whatever his name is right there on the tarmac?"

"That's right. But here comes the best part, then one of the flyboys, who's been back there keepin' the engine runnin', unfurls my old 'Mission Accomplished' banner from the tail of the plane. You waddle back on board and the plane taxis right out of North Korean airspace before anybody realizes what's happened."

"I am absolutely stunned."

"Oh, oh, I almost forgot, and on the plane will be the entire cast of 'Fox and Friends' who will broadcast live over the South China Sea, interviewing the Man who kept his country safe. In fact, ole Glenn Beck hisself will be there to shed a tear as he salutes the end of another part of the 'Axis of Evil'."

"Why wouldn't you do this yourself?"

"Dang Dick, you know you're a better shot than me, and besides you'd have a hoot shootin' at something other than quail or drunken barristers."

"What do you think the (gasp) President would say or do once I landed back in the States?"

"Who said anything about returning to Obamaland?"

"Where would I go then?"

"Ole Brother Rick Perry and me've already arranged that, we'd bring you right here to Texas for the announcement of our Secession."

"Texas is going to secede?"

"You mean we haven't already?"

Transmission interrupted.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:37 PM EDT

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Saturday, August 1, 2009

I've Got Some Red Roses For a Blue Lady
Mood:

smelly
Topic: "A Touch of Class"(5)

Doorbell Ringing.

"Hello, who is it?"

"Candygram."

That is the way the skit would begin, Jane Curtin would then open the door to Chevy Chase in a shark suit while the theme music from "Jaws" played in the background. Frodo smiled as he thought about the scene on the porch at the home of Ms. Lucia Whalen this past Friday. He wondered if the delivery person realized the significance of the task at hand, or if it was simply one more stop to make before returning to hearth and home.

Frodo believes that the dozen red roses, and a simple handwritten apology, wasn't something out of the ordinary for any florist. The fact that it was sent from Dr. Henry Louis Gates, Jr. to the lady who called 911 while observing a forced entry into the house down the street made it a rather "special delivery."

It also gave Frodo solace, knowing that, despite all our differences, and our rants and our raves, some of us do indeed have class.

What will Glenn Beck have to say?

Probably?

How about, "Candygram."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:16 PM EDT

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