Topic: "Darth Dick" (5)
The following conversation was monitored by employees of the United States Department of Justice, authorized under the Patriot Act, and protected by the Memos of John Yoo. Sergeant Frodo Baggins presiding.
"How ya been Dick?"
"Just fine. Are you calling to tell me that you've changed your mind about Scooter?"
(redial) "Listen to me just a minute will ya, I've got something that'll really catch your house on fire."
"Whose idea was it?"
(redial) "Dadgum it, this'll give you a chance to go one up on Gore, Clinton, and Obama, all at the same time."
"Hmm. I'm listening."
"I want you, the former Vice President, to go to North Korea as my, the former President, as my Special Emissary."
(redial) "Lissen here, this is the one thing you can do to get your approval ratings back above mine."
"Are you drinking again?"
"Dick, I want to put you on one of them unmarked passenger jets, free of any pre-flight security checks, carrying your favorite thirty-aught-six, and to blast that little pecker to Hell when he walks up to greet you in Pyongyang."
"Let me get this straight. You want me to kill Jong Dong Ill or whatever his name is right there on the tarmac?"
"That's right. But here comes the best part, then one of the flyboys, who's been back there keepin' the engine runnin', unfurls my old 'Mission Accomplished' banner from the tail of the plane. You waddle back on board and the plane taxis right out of North Korean airspace before anybody realizes what's happened."
"I am absolutely stunned."
"Oh, oh, I almost forgot, and on the plane will be the entire cast of 'Fox and Friends' who will broadcast live over the South China Sea, interviewing the Man who kept his country safe. In fact, ole Glenn Beck hisself will be there to shed a tear as he salutes the end of another part of the 'Axis of Evil'."
"Why wouldn't you do this yourself?"
"Dang Dick, you know you're a better shot than me, and besides you'd have a hoot shootin' at something other than quail or drunken barristers."
"What do you think the (gasp) President would say or do once I landed back in the States?"
"Who said anything about returning to Obamaland?"
"Where would I go then?"
"Ole Brother Rick Perry and me've already arranged that, we'd bring you right here to Texas for the announcement of our Secession."
"Texas is going to secede?"
"You mean we haven't already?"