Topic: "Problem, Officer?" (3)
Some events beg to be described as regional in nature; generally because the landscape or the psyche of the inhabitants requires it. Such is, dear reader, the subject of this evening's vignette repast.
Officer Brad Gregg of the Sylvania, Alabama, Police Force was on routine patrol. He had just reported his "20" (that means location, and was learned by Frodo in one of his first-favorite TV shows, "Highway Patrol" starring Broderick Crawford), and was slowly contemplating a stop at either the Donut Dinette or Pat's Bar-B-Que. Without warning he felt a "thump" on the side of his police cruiser. He immediately pulled to the shoulder of the road in order to investigate.
As he exited the cruiser, he noticed Melissa York on horseback standing in the middle of the road and staring at the dent on the rear door of the police cruiser. Before the startled officer could say anything, Ms. York rallied her senses (and those of the horse) and took off at full gallop heading North on State Route 522.
Officer Gregg flipped on his siren and proceeded to pursue the fleeing equine and rider. The conversation with his dispatcher went something like this: "Edna, this is Brad. I am on State Route 522, heading North, and approaching the Donut Dinette."
"So what else is new?," queried the dispatcher.
"I am in pursuit of a hit and run rider on horseback."
"I am in pursuit of a female rider on horseback who is fleeing from the scene of a traffic accident."
"A woman? Well I declare. Just what sort of accident are we talkin' about cheer?"
"The suspect ran into the back door of my police cruiser."
"Brad, you hold on now, here's the Chief, I'm gonna turn the mike over to him in just a minute. Do you need back-up?"
"Well, I don't think so, but let me tell you this, she is certainly riding erratically."
"Brad, this is Chief Wallace."
"Hey Brad, what do you mean she's riding erratically?"
"Chief, she's riding real fast, singing at the top of her lungs, and every few yards she's tossin' off an article of clothing."
"What's she singing?"
"Wait now Chief, she's pulled the horse up and has come to a stop. I'm goin to step out of the cruiser and grab the reins of the horse."
"You be careful now, y'hear?"
A few anxious moments must have passed like an eternity in command central.
"The lady's name is Melissa York, and she just failed a breathalyzer."
"Do you need any assistance?"
"No Sir, I handcuffed her and put her in the rear of the cruiser, just about the time she felt a need to throw up. I'll tie the horse onto my back bumper and drive back into town real slow. I intend to charge her with fleeing the scene of an accident, but I'm not real sure if a DUI applies?"
"Well, she wasn't really driving."
"Come on in."
"10-4, over and out."
With the sun sinking slowly from the western sky, the spirit of Broderick Crawford headed south on State Route 522 as Ms. Melissa York continued her stunning rendition of Gene Autry's "I'm Back in the Saddle Again." She was charged this time yesterday with Driving Under the Influence.
Somewhere nearby a barrister breaks into a full-faced grin. Frodo would pay real money to see Nancy Grace prosecute this one.