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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Honeycomb Won't You Be My Baby
Mood:  smelly
Topic: "Caterpillar Quandry" (3)

Frodo's penchant for wildflowers has been frequently documented.  It may have started when he became aware of the fact that certain wildflowers were targeted by certain butterflies, and that he could manage the presence of butterflies in the gardens of the Shire.  "Passion flowers" are a particular favorite of the Hobbit, and the bright orange "Frittalaria" are the butterflies that flock to this year's record production of the purple and white flowers.  A cacophony of color and movement needs only a little background music to produce something almostly reminiscently psychedelic in the afternoon sunshine.

Moments like this give rise to questions so far unanswered.  What happens to butterflies in the winter?  Frodo is cognizant of the fact that caterpillars now munching on the passion flower leaves will roll up into a cigar-like construction and thereby produce a hatchling butterfly.  The butterfly will feed from the nectar produced by the the passion flowers, and then they disappear.  Monarch butterflies, we know, migrate to some place in Mexico, although it will take them four or five generations each way.  But what about Frodo's Frittalaria, or his Swallowtail?  Are they simply sunning themselves on some beach in nearby Florida?

Mr. Beau Neau, the denizen of the Shire, has taken a special interest in the fluttering movements above his head.  On more than one occasion, Sam has found a "gift" inside the dog door, and butterfly wings have been included among these trophies.  Frodo's angered gaze does not go unnoticed, and the would-be hunter turns away, seemingly offended that he would be observed doing anything so trivial.  Perhaps Frodo has taken one small step to protect the balance of nature, hopefully it will yield further charms in the gardens of the Shire in years to come.

Thoughts such as these are common when, at last, the heat breaks and the windows are left open all night long.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:51 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, September 18, 2007 10:52 PM EDT
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Sunday, September 16, 2007
Those Were The Days My Friend, We Thought They'd Never End
Mood:  vegas lucky
Topic: "Da Juice Is Back" (3)

Frodo loved the circus.  More than anything else it was the ladies on those flying trapeezes with tight-fitting costumes that flew through the air into the grasping arms of some gay guy from Turkey, without a net.  It was cool, and anyone today subjecting themselves to some sort of computer game without the benefit of something so very sensual might as well grab onto their own gay Turk and head for the Men's Room in the Minneapolis Airport.  They don't , in the words of Jon Stewart, "know dick."

OJ Simpson is back in the news.  How Frodo has truly missed all the cast of "Judicial Acres." Who can today believe that bi-racial prosecuting attorneys, who had their own tryst while on the job, appearing before an Oriental Judge, using white male police detectives, one of whom has since relocated to Idaho, with a defense team consisting of everyone who has ever appeared with Nancy Grace, living or dead, failed to convict a guilty man, even with DNA evidence?

How wonderful it was to be so carefree to know that the majority of all incompetents were confined to employment in the California Justice System?   Would that life were so simple now?

In the spirit of the circus, and without benefit of a net, Frodo is going to do his best to see how many of the characters in the "Trial of the Century" he can recall.  Now remember, dear reader, this is entirely from memory, so if you want to add to the list, you must do so without benefit of "Google" or any other artificial supplement.

First, there was OJ, then Johnnie Cochran, Christopher Darden, Judge Itoh (first name forgotten), Mark Fuhrman, LA County Coroner Fong (?), AC Cowlings (who drove the white Bronco), Shapiro was another defense attorney, and, of course, Kaito whatever, the space cadet who lived in OJ's garage.

Aaarrrgh!  What was the name of the other Prosecuting Attorney?  You know, the one with the hideous mole above her lip?  What about the other detective, he was bald, with a mustache?  There was another couple of Defense Attorneys, oh yeah, Allen Dershowitz, and some other guy, who always talked through his nose?

Frodo looks forward to the day when he can pay equal respect to the memory of the people who brought you that other travesty of justice; the Iraq War. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:19 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, September 16, 2007 8:19 PM EDT
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Saturday, September 15, 2007
Burn, Baby, Burn
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: "Who's We, White Boy?"(3)

Stan Sulak stood no more than 5'6" and in his suit-and-tie weighed no more than 145 pounds.  He was far from an imposing figure as he wheeled through inner-city neighborhoods in Chicago in his egg shell white, un-air-conditioned, Ford motorcar with US Government plates in the summer of 1969.  Newly authorized IRS employees were usually assigned "low-dollar" investigations on the assumption that if he (or she) screwed something up, then it would have very little consequence.  Revenue Officer Sulak, on the job just three months, was assigned an inventory of "Federal Beer Stamp" investigations.

The "Federal Beer Stamp" was required to be posted in any location that sold either beer or wine.  The stamp cost $24, and it was good for one year.  Should a stamp not be re-newed, and the applicant not respond to correspondence, then someone such as Sulak would be discharged to investigate, and to secure a renewal, collect the fee, and the resultant late-filing penalties and interest.

Sulak pulled up to the curb in a section of Southside Chicago where there were a number of bars.  Several of his investigations were along this particular street, so he parked and planned to walk door-to-door.  His shirt and suit pants were soaked clean through (air conditioning in a government motorcar was considered a 'luxury item' and was not permitted), so he left the passenger's side front window down an inch or so when he locked the motorcar.  He assembled the necessary paperwork and put the respective investigations in street address numerical order.  He walked to the door of the first establishment, noting that the name of the establishment was the "BPP of America," and entered. 

As his eyes adjusted to the relative darkness, he noted a number of individuals about the bar room silently staring at him.  Over the bar he noted the sign identifying the "Black Panther Party National Headquarters."  It should be noted at this point, dear reader, that Mr. Sulak  was unlikely to be identified upon first glance as a potential new recruit.  Sulak walked to the bar, climbed upon a stool, and asked to speak to the manager.  Actually, by all appearances the scene probably called for him to order a cherry limeade, with a straw.

A very large, and dark-complexioned, gentleman at the bar stood across from Sulak and so identified himself.  Utilizing some invective that escaped Sulak's immediate recognition, the manager inquired as to his identity and purpose.  Sulak carefully reached into his suit coat breast pocket and exhibited his Internal Revenue Service credentials, and said "I am Revenue Officer Stan Sulak with the Chicago District of the Internal Revenue Service, and I need to see your Federal Beer Stamp, please."

"My what?," said the astounded bar tender.

"Your Federal Beer Stamp.  It is about the size of a business envelope, and is required to be posted adjacent to the cash register in any establishment selling beer or wine."

A smile crept across the incredulous expression on the face of the bartender, "Well, looks like I happen to have misplaced my 'Federal Beer Stamp,' so am I to assume that some little white-assed midget is here to cuff me and take me 'downtown'?"  Laughter emanated from every throat in the room, except for Revenue Officer Sulak, who only smiled.

"No Sir, my mission is to secure a renewal of your Federal Beer Stamp, and to collect the fee, late-filing penalties, and of course, interest."

"Oh, of course, interest.  And exactly how much will all of this cost me?"

"Well, sir, the stamp costs $24, the penalty is 25% of the tax, and interest compounds at 6%.  The total as of today will be $30.66."

The bartender's mouth fell slightly ajar and he simply stared at Sulak for several moments.  No one spoke.

"You mean to tell me the US of A has sent a white-ass midget into the headquarters of the Black Panther Party to harass its members over thirty damn dollars?"

"And 66 cents," said Sulak.

The laughter continued unabated throughout the rest of Sulak's time in the bar.  Tears were shed by every person in the place while Sulak sweated over the blanks on the application and the completion of the receipt.  When finished, he adjusted his tie, slid off the stool, thanked his host, and exited gracefully onto the street outside.

Adjusting to the sunlight, he heard the lock on the door behind him engage.  It was then that he noticed his egg shell white, un-air-conditioned, Ford motorcar, with US Government plates, had had its tires replaced by cinder blocks.  Noting that the only telephone booth in sight was obviously inoperative, and that there were a paucity of apparently concerned citizens about, Sulak decided that his best course was to, as inconspicuously as possible, walk the 36 blocks back to his office.

Arriving at that location a little after five o'clock, Sulak found that the door was locked.  Being a relatively new employee, he had not been issued a key.

Frodo recounts the Saga of Stan Sulak for two reasons.  It is appropriate to recognize that there are a lot of Stan Sulak's who serve their country under often difficult circumstances.  For Frodo however, this story carried the lesson that one should always have an "exit strategy" when embarking upon any enterprise.

It is too, too bad that many more senior government officials today never got to know Stan Sulak.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:41 AM EDT
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Tuesday, September 11, 2007
And You Can Tell Everybody That This Is The Song
Mood:  special
Topic: "A Day At The Beach" (3)

The Men of Gondor gathered on a Friday in September, 2001, in order to discuss the events of that Tuesday, and to measure the seeming impact on the trails which lay ahead.  Frodo positioned himself at the end of the table, so that he could pay specific attention to what was spoken.  He was disappointed by how poorly thought-out, if not irrelevant, most of the words seemed to be as they related to the continuum of time and history.  When his turn came, Frodo pulled a sheet of paper from his pocket, and ironed it on the table with his palm.  Frodo spoke softly.

"A little more than two years before Frodo's birth, a man from Indiana,  whose profession it was to issue battlefield dispatches from the global conflagration, verbally captured the horror and the detritus that remained in the days after the Allied Invasion of Europe commenced.  The words that follow here were from those dispatches read by actor Tom Hanks ("Saving Private Ryan") at the recent dedication of the D-Day Museum in New Orleans.  Frodo would ask the Men of Gondor (and you, dear reader) to close eyes and to imagine walking with Frodo as we trail the author along  a strip of sand in Normandy on July 16th, 1944.  Let us see what he saw."

 "I took a walk along the historic coast of Normandy in the country of France.

 It was a lovely day for strolling along the seashore.

 Men were sleeping on the sand, some of them sleeping forever.

 Men were floating in the water, but they didn't know they were in the water, for they were dead. . .

 I walked for a mile and a half along the water's edge of our many-miled invasion beach.

 You wanted to walk slowly, for the detail on that beach was infinite.

 The wreckage was vast and startling.

 The awful waste and destruction of war, even aside from the loss of human life, has always been one of its outstanding features to those who are in it.

 Anything and everything is expendable.

 And we did expend on our beachhead in Normandy during those first few hours. . .

 Men and equipment were flowing from England in such a gigantic stream that it made the waste on the beachhead seem like nothing at all, really nothing at all. . .

 But there is another and more human litter.

 This is the strewn personal gear, gear that will never be needed again, of those who fought and died to give us our entrance into Europe. . .

 Here are socks and shoe polish, sewing kits, diaries, Bibles, and hand grenades.

 Here are the latest letters from home, with the address on each one neatly razored out-one of the security precautions enforced before the boys embarked.

 I picked up a Bible with a soldier's name in it, and put it in my jacket.

 I carried it a half mile or so and then put it back down on the beach.

 I don't know why I picked it up,

 or why I put it back down."

Ernie Pyle was felled by a sniper but a few weeks later on an island in the Pacific.  He is buried in the "Punchbowl Cemetery" near Honolulu.

Frodo does not know why these words gave him solace on that day, nor does he know why they do so now. 




Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:35 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, September 11, 2007 10:13 PM EDT
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Monday, September 10, 2007
Something Deep Inside Cannot Be Denied
Mood:  hug me
Topic: "The Turtle" (3)

Frodo stood with his impatient associates at the rear gate, all staring at the obstacle in their path.  A box turtle was uniquely positioned so that his shell prevented the gate from opening, and Frodo could not readily figure out how to end this stalemate.  Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog, looked to Frodo to solve this problem quickly, for there was tennis ball to be played, and soon the morning shadows would fall prey to the late summer sun.

Frodo's fingers managed to push the turtle back enough for Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog, to fly through to the grassland beyond while Frodo tarried to examine this uninvited, but not unwelcome, visitor to the Shire.  After making sure that the sealed Humvee was without damage, Frodo placed him in a secure spot underneath a hedge, and out of the line of fire from the canines who would return and perhaps decide that a new chew toy had been made available.

Later that day, Frodo noted that the turtle was still in the same location.  Head held erect, he seemed to be studying the flora in his vicinity.  The next day he remained in virtually the same spot, although facing in a leeward direction.  The following day there was movement of less than a meter, and the direction placed his head into the wind, signaling perhaps that the inevitable vagabond was about to disappear.  Sure enough, the visitor was nowhere to be found the next day, although Frodo examined roundabout for any sign.

Frodo was in the eleventh grade when he read "The Grapes of Wrath," and true it is that few words have had the impact on the Hobbit to rival the collection wrought by John Steinbeck.  Frodo can still see, to this day, the blue mimeograph that asked him the question about what the turtle represented as it crossed the road amidst the traffic that threatened his progress.  Frodo thinks of that turtle often, and wonders if such visitors to the Shire today come to remind him that no one promised him a rose garden.  If however, on his travels, he comes upon one, he may have the luxury to visit.

The task atop Mount Doom, dangerous unto itself, is fraught with peril; so noted by Tom Joad and the Hobbit.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:33 PM EDT
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Sunday, September 9, 2007
There Will Be An Answer, Let It Be
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: "Betray Us" (3)

What ever happened to Colin Powell?  Frodo was thinking about the military strategist and former Secretary of State just the other day, and wondered why he wasn't the one charged with the responsibility for assessing the progress of "Plan B" in Iraq?  After all, having also served as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and participated in the decision-making process to the pre-emptive War in the first place, would seemingly make him better qualified than anyone in all of Middle Earth.  Instead, an Ivy Leaguer (Frodo wonders if he was a "Legacy" at Princeton?) with rumored political aspirations, whose name was entirely unknown outside of military circles when the debacle began, gets the job. 

Is it because Colin Powell is black?

Could it be that a white guy from Texas might not want to once again hand a "sales job" to a black guy?  Particularly one whose credibility was damaged by the incorrect assessments handed him prior to the American invasion of Iraq.  Is it possible that Petraeus was specifically chosen because his vocational bias would be more acceptable in this effort to delay the American withdrawal to those predominantly white males who make up the "core" of the Republican Party?  The Incomparable Moron has consistently referred to the "commanders on the ground" (which begs the question, where else would they be?) as those whose judgments guide his decisions.  He has neglected to complete the sentence however, since such counsel is adhered to only when it seemingly complies with his predispositions.

There is such an air of predictability to what will emanate from the "Petraeus Report," that the political efforts of the rational opposition to rally their own set of conflicting and contradictory reports adds to the obfuscation of the facts.  The strategic effort to confuse the public, and to "sell" them on a particular policy, will tie the hands of the Congressional opponents to the flawed policy of the "surge."   Despite the limited vision of Senator McCain, and those who allege that the "surge" is working, the fact remains that the peoples in the land called Iraq do not want us there; they see us as occupiers.   To this day our soldiers do not know who it is that is shooting at them.  With the passage of time, all that we know is that the shooters hit their targets with increasing frequency.   General Petraeus might as well be teaching target practice.





Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:13 PM EDT
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Saturday, September 8, 2007
Cherish The Night
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "No-No, No" (3)

There are times, as an athlete, when one can do no wrong.  For whatever reason there are moments when every fly ball will be caught, every jump shot will hit nothing but net, every pass sticks to outstretched fingers.  Simply knowing that one will not fail is beyond explanation.  Fleeting though such moments may be, sit-ups and wind sprints seem like a measly investment against such reward.  Frodo had experiences such as these, so he understands and appreciates watching others enjoy their moment.

John Smoltz, a "gallant Brave," is 40 years old,  and at the virtual end of the physical capacity to play professional baseball.  In this year when disappointment permeates the accomplishments of his team-mates, Smoltz has pitched well.  Last night, confronted by the inferior opposition from Washington, Smoltz made his "slider" seem as if it were slowly rolling across a tabletop before falling straight down to earth.  The befuddled batters from the District of Columbia swung weakly at where the ball had been, and stared at the emptiness called for the third strike, time-after-time.  Despite all his success, Smoltz had never pitched a "no-hitter," but by the end of the fourth inning, everyone was anticipating the opportunity for the master of the pitching mound.

Smoltz struck out 10 Washington batters through seven innings, and had thrown the ball 109 times to his catcher, and still he had allowed no safely hit ball to fall.  He also had a head cold, and his magnificent strength was ebbing, noticeably, when the last batter was out in the seventh.

The first hitter in the eighth inning was not a star, but he was a good hitter.  He "fouled off" several pitches from Smoltz, knowing that Smoltz was weakening.  Finally, a pitch failed to fall as crisply as its predecessors and the fortunate Washington player slashed the horsehide-covered sphere into right field in front of the frenetic charge of Jeff Francoeur. 

The silence was broken by the slow march of the Manager, Bobby Cox, to the mound.  He took the ball from Smoltz, patted his shoulder, and sent the exhausted pitcher back to the dugout.  It goes without saying that the fans stood and cheered the gallant effort as Smoltz walked slowly off the field, with a moment to be shared in his memory for the remainder of his days.  When Smoltz has his last moment on this earth, he will wish that it could be watching his last pitch elude the swing of the batter and hearing the great umpire yell, "Strike Three."  Frodo knows.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:36 AM EDT
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Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Nowhere Man, The World is at Your Command
Mood:  lazy
Topic: "Vacation Brouhaha" (3)

Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert, respective stars of "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report," will both be returning from two weeks of re-runs next Monday, and are they going to be miffed.  Not only did the White House arrange for Alberto to resign while they were on vacation, but Senator Larry Craig, the publication of "Dead Certain," and a half-dozen Iraq progress reports (Frodo asks forgiveness for using the words "Iraq" and "progress" in the same sentence) reached the public eye.  Frodo, often tempted by conspiracy theories, senses that this particular spate of bizarre events were accumulated for release while the premier satirists of political America were out-of-town.  The good news is that Frodo has full faith and confidence in their ability to make up for lost time.

While thinking about clowns, Frodo was reminded that Fred Thompson will announce his candidacy for the GOP nomination before Stewart and Colbert return to the air waves on Monday next.  The single best piece of news, outside of a rare victory by Frodo's "gallant Braves" this afternoon, is the fact that Jack will take over for Fred as District Attorney on "Law and Order."  Sam Waterston is an accomplished actor, who made Frodo believe that he fell into a pile of skeletal material in Cambodia.  He also left Frodo with an ache in his heart when Jill died in an automobile accident, and Lenny Briscoe joined him in the bar.  Some actors have that gift.

Fred Thompson lobbied for abortion rights.  Didn't know that, did you, dear reader?  Before he won the Senate seat of James Sasser (D-TN), Thompson got paid a lot of money to exert influence on politicians for a number of issues which will appear problematical when brought forth during a political campaign.  Frodo knows this because he listened to the slimy weasel Dick Morris, who worked on Thompson's first Senate run, disclose these facts to Bill O'Reilly on Faux News (Frodo listens to some of this crap and passes the information on to the Stewart and Colbert).  Should Thompson eliminate the rest of the lightweights contending for the GOP nod,  his "trophy wife" will have to hire a Nicaraguan Death Squad to eliminate all the groupies who sullied their blue dresses in pursuit of her hubby.  The Christian Ecumenical Community is about to experience a spiritual hernia, and Frodo is sure that many will soon be asking themselves "WWJD?"

What would Jerry do?  (And there's another topic for conspiracy theorists, who whacked Falwell?).


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:00 PM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, September 5, 2007 9:38 PM EDT
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Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Love Is All Around
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "GOP Convention" (3)

Minneapolis is as close to sterile as urban life in America can ever hope to become.  It is hard to imagine that there is any minority group larger than that of those born in Canada.  Diversity is something that comes into the discussion when one considers visiting the "twin city" of St. Paul.  So why should anyone be surprised that the world's greatest collection of overweight, predominantly male, lily-white, mostly retired, sexual deviants choose Minneapolis for the site of the Republican National Convention?

Frodo has been listening to the speculation regarding Senator Larry Craig  (R-Idaho) (who just happens to be overweight, male, white, almost retired, and of questionable sexual appetite) with some modicum of attention.  Wouldn't it be "amusing" for Senator Craig to attend the Convention, flying in we suspect from Boise, and to be caught on camera passing through the airport in Minneapolis, and find it necessary to use the Men's room? 

Minneapolis was also the scene of the tragic bridge collapse which ended the lives of 13 people just a few short days ago.  Perhaps our suddenly fiscally-concerned President will comment on the state of domestic spending for the relatives of those who died on a public thoroughfare?  Frodo is not sure that such a speech will "fill the coffers" of those responsible for funding the gala affairs of Republicans in Minnesota.

Frodo now understands why Republicans look back at Ronald Reagan with such reverence.   When he screwed up, it wasn't on purpose. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:20 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, September 4, 2007 10:54 PM EDT
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Saturday, September 1, 2007
And The Little Congregation Prayed For Guidance From Above
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: "Reverend LeRoy" (3)

Occasionally, Frodo will see something in a newspaper which immediately makes him think of you, dear reader.  All it seemingly takes is one sentence for him to recognize, as if he were Lou Costello, that he has been handed a straight line by Bud Abbott, and that a comic wisecrack immediately follows.  As you glance over the details of the news event that follows, see if you, dear reader, can't come up with the pregnant line.

Thomas W. Weeks of Atlanta, 40, Pastor of the Global Destiny Church in Duluth, Georgia, was arrested last week and subsequently indicted for assault and battery on his estranged wife, Juanita Bynum, a national evangelist.  It should be noted that Duluth is in Gwinnett County, home of both the "Runaway Bride" and  "the Bank Robbery Bimbos."  Weeks, it seems, had recently been served with court papers indicating that his church was $50,355 in arrears on back rent.  At the same time, Weeks owed more than $48,000 to an advertising firm for failing to maintain payments on a billboard purchased to advertise his ministry.  This past June, Weeks was evicted from his multi-million dollar home, and his Bentley motorcar has not been seen in the area for several weeks.

The ATLANTA JOURNAL-CONSTITUTION reports "money problems may have been what sparked the alleged attack."  Well, duh; no Pulitizer for journalistic insight this year fellas!

In any event, after meeting with Bynum to discuss the "personal business," Weeks allegedly, in the parking lot in front of a downtown hotel, "beat, choked, and stomped Bynum into the ground" and threatened to kill her.

Although he pleaded not guilty to the charges, this past Sunday, Weeks stood before his congregation and issued a public apology for his conduct.  Now dear reader, here comes your big chance.  What do you think he said? (Scroll down after a short pause)

Correctamundo.  "The Devil Made Me Do It."

Oh Flip, how Frodo misses you and "Killer." 






Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:35 AM EDT
Updated: Saturday, September 1, 2007 12:05 PM EDT
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