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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
"One Down, More Comin'"
"One For the Good Guys"
"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
"Opportunity Sox" (3)
"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
"Osama Can You See?" (2)
"Our God Is Better" (3)
"Our Town" (5)
"Our Town" (8)
"Out Damned Spot (2)"
"Out of Kilter" (5)
"Out of the Ashes" (4)
"Overdue Books" (3)
"Pace Car" (3)
"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
"Passion Flowers" (5)
"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
"Patsy for America"
"Peaceful Easy Feelin"(3)
"Peacetakescourage" (3)
"Permanent Vacation" (5)
"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
"Problems?" (4)
"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
"Punxatawney Bush"
"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
"Rumblin' Bumblin'" (3)
"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
"Sauron Psalms" (2)
"Sauron's Scythe" (4)
"Savin' Gas" (4)
"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
"Scooter" (2)
"Scott Free" (4)
"Sears and Loveaduck" (5)
"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
"Serendipity Strikes" (3)
"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
"Skull and Bones"(4)
"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
"Smellin' Roses"
"Smirk Jerk" (2)
"Smokin' Pesticide Dope"
"Smoochy Time" (4)
"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
"Sorcerer's Apprentice"
"Soul Train" (5)
"Souter Rules, Dude"
"Southern Ladies" (5)
"Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)
"Space Poop" (3)
"Speechifyin'" (4)
"Speedy Gonzales" (3)
"Spelling, -23" (6)
"Sperm Count" (3)
"Spiro T. Palin" (4)
"Spoonerized" (6)
"Spring Equal Knox" (3)
"St. George" (4)
"Stan & Ollie"(7)
"State Dinner" (3)
"States' Rahts" (3)
"Sticker Shock"
"Stolen Bases" (3)
"Stragedy" (2)
"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
"Strip Searched" (9)
"Stupidly" (5)
"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
"Subsidizing Seeds"(6)
"Sunday, Sunday"(9)
"Sunni Daze" (4)
"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
"Survey Says" (6)
"Sweet Georgia Brown"
"Swiss Miss" (5)
"Take a letter, dearie"
"Take It Off Baby" (5)
"Takes a Worried Man"(4)
"Talibanme Banana"(8)
"Talkin' Turkey" (3)
"Tax Driver" (9)
"Taxpayer Assistance (2)"
"Tea Olive" (7)
"Tear Down That Wall"(4)
"Teflon Causes Cancer"
"Ten Cent Coke" (3)
"Tennessee Stinks" (6)
"Term Paper" (5)
"Terminal? Great!"
"Terre Bonne" (6)
"Terrible Swift Sword"(6)
"Terrible Two's" (2)
"Tess of D'Uberville"(8)
"Tess of the Dorghis" (8)
"Texas Exes" (8)
"Thank the Academy"(4)
"Thank You Rand Paul"
"Thank You, Molly" (2)
"Thanks, Dad" (3)
"Thar She Blows"
"That Looks Like Me"(5)
"That's the way it is"(5)
"Thawt Yuze a Toad"(7)
"The 60 Year Struggle"(5)
"The Atlanta Eye" (6)
"The Blue Dog"(11)
"The Boston Massacre"(9)
"The Boys of '63" (8)
"The Brotherhood Begins"
"The Eyes of Texas"
"The Forum" (2)
"The Future is Now (2)"
"The Garden of Good"
"The Good Book" (4)
"The Good Doctor"(6)
"The Great Quixote" (9)
"The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)
"The Important Stuff"
"The Italian Stallion"
"The Litany" (6)
"The Longest Day" (5)
"The Non-Issue" (3)
"The Perfect Storm" (2)
"The Pre-Fellowship"(4)
"The Prophecy"
"The Real Rhett" (4)
"The Second Amendment"
"The Silver Sow Award"(3)
"The Splurge" (4)
"The Turtle" (3)
"The Union Label"(6)
"There is a Virginia" (2)
"They're He-ear" (4)
"Thin Ice, Frodo" (4)
"Third Strike Nuance (2)"
"This Day in History"(3)
"This, Too, Shall Pass"
"Three A.M." (4)
"Three Siblings" (4)
"Three Votes Short" (3)
"Thriller" (9)
"Thunder Road"
"Thy Name be Peace" (2)
"Tie a Yellow Ribbon" (3)
"Tiger By The Tail" (5)
"Time to Cut Brush" (3)
"Time With Friends" (3)
"Times A' Wastin'" (3)
"Title IX Disaster" (5)
"To Arms, To Arms"
"To the Hoop (2)"
"Together Again" (3)
"Tokyo Rush" (5)
"Tom Bombadil isDying"(7)
"Tom Bombadil Returns"(9)
"Tom" (4)
"Top Two Percent" (7)
"Tora Bora Lora. . ." (2)
"Torah, Torah..."(6)
"Toro, Andalay,Toro (2)"
"Touchdown Swabbie" (3)
"Tovarich" (4)
"Tra La,Spring,Tra La"(6)
"Train Wreck"(8)
"Transparency" (4)
"Travel Sucks" (4)
"Tree Fishin' (2)"
"Trees v. Forest"(9)
"Trekking Mount Doom" (2)
"Tripod Hackers?"(9)
"Trouble Sleepin'" (3)
"Truckin' for Isaiah" (3)
"Truly,Totally, Nuts"(3)
"Tuesdays with Nancy"(4)
"Tullahoma Tequila (2)"
"Tumbler" (3)
"Turkey Day Walkabout"(2)
"TW3" (3)
"Tweety Pie" (2)
"Twenty to Life" (5)
"Twismas Tunes" (5)
"Twisted Sister" (4)
"Two Americas" (4)
"Two Americas" (9)
"Two Steps Back" (4)
"Two Thousand, Ate" (4)
"Unademdaze" (4)
"Unborn in the USA" (6)
"Unbroken Circle" (7)
"Unconditional Surrender"
"Unconventional, you say?"(7)
"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
"Unmarked Grave" (6)
"Untimely Events"
"UR Number Is Up" (7)
"Vacation Brouhaha" (3)
"Vacation Comin'" (2)
"Vandals at the Gates"(2)
"Vat of Chocolate"(6)
"Vero Possumus" (4)
"Veto Shmetoe (2)"
"Vick Drops, Cough!" (3)
"Video Thriller"(5)
"Vinson Can Gogh"(6)
"Virgin Birth" (2)
"Virginia is 4 Lovers"(4)
"Virginia Lovers" (4)
"Vom Winde Verweht" (2)
"Vote for Steve" (2)
"Vote Frodo (Not)"(7)
"W is for Wuss""
"Wait 'til Next Year" (2)
"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
"Walkin' the Dogs"(8)
"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
"War on Middle Class"(2)
"War on Tara"
"Warm Bucket of Spit"(4)
"Was Miers His Attorney?"
"Watch Mr. Wizard" (3)
"Water Into Wine" (11)
"Water into Wine?"
"Watts da plan, Man?"(5)
"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
"We Will Rock You"
"Weather Channel Follies"
"Weddin' Down South" (3)
"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
"What is a Shimkus?" (2)
"What Mark Felt"
"What Schedule?" (2)
"What Time Is It (2)"
"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
"Wiccan I do for you?"(2)
"Wicked Pickett"
"Wide Stance" (4)
"Will better be?"(7)
"Willard" (7)
"Willie B had heart" (5)
"Winchester Women (2)"
"Wink at the Moon"
"Winter Solstice"
"Wishin' and Hopin'"
"Wither Channels" (5)
"Wither Weather"(9)
"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
"Worth Waiting For?"(5)
"Write a Letter" (7)
"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
"Wyomin' Gloamin'" (2)
"Xmas in Shreveport"(6)
"Yahoo" (4)
"Yankee Humor" (5)
"Yankee Ingenuity"
"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
"Yellow Peril" (3)
"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Love Is All Around
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "GOP Convention" (3)

Minneapolis is as close to sterile as urban life in America can ever hope to become.  It is hard to imagine that there is any minority group larger than that of those born in Canada.  Diversity is something that comes into the discussion when one considers visiting the "twin city" of St. Paul.  So why should anyone be surprised that the world's greatest collection of overweight, predominantly male, lily-white, mostly retired, sexual deviants choose Minneapolis for the site of the Republican National Convention?

Frodo has been listening to the speculation regarding Senator Larry Craig  (R-Idaho) (who just happens to be overweight, male, white, almost retired, and of questionable sexual appetite) with some modicum of attention.  Wouldn't it be "amusing" for Senator Craig to attend the Convention, flying in we suspect from Boise, and to be caught on camera passing through the airport in Minneapolis, and find it necessary to use the Men's room? 

Minneapolis was also the scene of the tragic bridge collapse which ended the lives of 13 people just a few short days ago.  Perhaps our suddenly fiscally-concerned President will comment on the state of domestic spending for the relatives of those who died on a public thoroughfare?  Frodo is not sure that such a speech will "fill the coffers" of those responsible for funding the gala affairs of Republicans in Minnesota.

Frodo now understands why Republicans look back at Ronald Reagan with such reverence.   When he screwed up, it wasn't on purpose. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:20 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, September 4, 2007 10:54 PM EDT
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Saturday, September 1, 2007
And The Little Congregation Prayed For Guidance From Above
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: "Reverend LeRoy" (3)

Occasionally, Frodo will see something in a newspaper which immediately makes him think of you, dear reader.  All it seemingly takes is one sentence for him to recognize, as if he were Lou Costello, that he has been handed a straight line by Bud Abbott, and that a comic wisecrack immediately follows.  As you glance over the details of the news event that follows, see if you, dear reader, can't come up with the pregnant line.

Thomas W. Weeks of Atlanta, 40, Pastor of the Global Destiny Church in Duluth, Georgia, was arrested last week and subsequently indicted for assault and battery on his estranged wife, Juanita Bynum, a national evangelist.  It should be noted that Duluth is in Gwinnett County, home of both the "Runaway Bride" and  "the Bank Robbery Bimbos."  Weeks, it seems, had recently been served with court papers indicating that his church was $50,355 in arrears on back rent.  At the same time, Weeks owed more than $48,000 to an advertising firm for failing to maintain payments on a billboard purchased to advertise his ministry.  This past June, Weeks was evicted from his multi-million dollar home, and his Bentley motorcar has not been seen in the area for several weeks.

The ATLANTA JOURNAL-CONSTITUTION reports "money problems may have been what sparked the alleged attack."  Well, duh; no Pulitizer for journalistic insight this year fellas!

In any event, after meeting with Bynum to discuss the "personal business," Weeks allegedly, in the parking lot in front of a downtown hotel, "beat, choked, and stomped Bynum into the ground" and threatened to kill her.

Although he pleaded not guilty to the charges, this past Sunday, Weeks stood before his congregation and issued a public apology for his conduct.  Now dear reader, here comes your big chance.  What do you think he said? (Scroll down after a short pause)

Correctamundo.  "The Devil Made Me Do It."

Oh Flip, how Frodo misses you and "Killer." 






Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:35 AM EDT
Updated: Saturday, September 1, 2007 12:05 PM EDT
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Thursday, August 30, 2007
I Been Waiting For This All My Life
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: "Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)

Frodo once knew a man who purchased a home in the suburbs, and encumbered himself with a 30-year fixed-rate mortgage on $18,000.  The same man never possessed a credit card; paying cash or writing a check for every single transaction in his life.   Frodo has several credit cards, although he pays the entire balance due each and every month.  Frodo has also financed and re-financed his home in the Shire in order to take advantage of dropping interest rates.  It should be added that he has borrowed against the value of the house on two occasions in order to satisfy very sizable expenses, but paid off the resultant second mortgages shortly thereafter.  The man mentioned in the first sentence of this paragraph thought Frodo was a spendthrift and that he ran risks far too reminiscent of those who neglected margin calls in 1929.  By that time in his life, he was an old man.

Frodo stood in front of a subdivision near the Shire noting the advertising sign out front.  The sign reads, "Priced in the $900's."  Frodo has tried, on several occasions to compute the monthly payment on a traditional 30-year fixed-rate mortgage, with 10% down, at current rates for such a piece of property.  Small beads of sweat form all along his declining hairline.

Adjustable rate mortgages were the avenue that allowed Frodo to purchase his first piece of real property, so he comprehends the transition to mortgage products which offer opportunity to the first-time buyer.  Reflecting his upbringing, Frodo converted that loan to a fixed-rate at a lower rate some years into that transaction.  The problem, and what has given Frodo night sweats for some time, are the "products" which have given buyers access who never purchase equity, but only pay interest on the loan amount.  There are many buyers who gamble that the value of the property would continue to grow, and that this inflation in value would allow them to someday sell the property at a price far above the loan amount.  That is sort of like the guys who didn't expect their margins to be called in October of 1929, or so it seems to Frodo.

The number of foreclosed properties is skyrocketing all across Middle Earth.  The mortgages on those properties were almost always sold to another company in a "package" with many other loans that carried a combined face value in the tens of millions, and beyond.  When the values of the properties no longer increased, and the borrower was unable to keep up the payments, then the purchaser of the loans lost some really big money.  These purchasers needed cash to meet their obligations, and to prevent them from dumping these packages at any cost.  Really big investors were then circling over the carcasses and could infuse cash by "investing" in the company holding the packages.

Frodo thinks often of a book he once read called "The Octopus," written by Sinclair Lewis.

Frodo is very much an advocate of free enterprise, of investment in good and growing companies, and in the ideas of those who are searching for new and better ways of doing everything.  He is, however, not stupid.  Like the old man who thought him a spendthrift, Frodo learned that the process rarely works for those blinded by greed and an unwillingness to start with a two-bedroom, one bath "starter" in a settled neighborhood.

That piece of property mentioned in the first paragraph, which was originally a two-bedroom starter, mortgaged by Frodo's father in 1953 and sold in 1969, recently sold again for $7 Million.  Had he not already passed, Frodo's father would have had a heart attack.       

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:34 PM EDT
Updated: Thursday, August 30, 2007 9:27 PM EDT
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Monday, August 27, 2007
The World is Full of Wondrous Things It's True
Mood:  cool
Topic: "NFL Trade" (3)

Commissioner Rice approached the microphone, cleared her throat, and stated thusly, "The Atlanta Falcons have announced a trade with the Justice Department of the United States.  Michael Vick will be the new Attorney General and Alberto Gonzales (also known as 'Da Judge') will quarterback the Falcons in their Pre-Season Game this evening against the Cincinnati Bengals."  Congressmen Phillip Gingrey (R-GA) and Thomas Price (R-GA) stood behind the Commissioner holding the respective sleeves of a Falcons Jersey with the Number "7" and the name "Gonzales" prominently displayed for all to see (Gingrey, it should be noted, was standing on Price's foot as he attempted to wrest possession of the jersey from the dimunitive Price). 

At the same time, Interim Acting White House Special Assistant for Legislative Affairs John McCain was announcing that Vick was selected for this critical assignment because he is the only person assured to remain in position for the next 12 to 18 months.  In addition, Vick also announced today that he had "found Jesus," thereby qualifying him for executive responsibilities (It was later noted that "Jesus" coincidentally was the moniker given to a pit bull who had escaped from the "BadNewz" Kennels several months ago).

The Owner of the Falcons, Arthur Blank, chose to purchase the Atlanta Falcons when he and his partner, Bernie Marcus, sold their joint venture, Home Depot (Marcus spent his money building the world's largest mausoleum for dead and dying rare fish, known as 'The Georgia Aquarium').  Blank had provided Vick with the largest contract ever awarded to a professional football player.  When questioned by reporters, Blank stated only that Gonzales would be offered a contract significantly less than that which Vick had signed.  When asked his opinion, Gonzales stated that he could not recall any discussion of that nature.  Blank looked wistfully at the Aquarium building, perhaps wishing that he and Bernie had reversed roles.

As might be expected, on the first play from scrimmage, Gonzales forgot what play had been called, and fumbled.

Vick announced that all US Attorneys in Virginia were being fired


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:43 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, August 27, 2007 10:15 PM EDT
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Sunday, August 26, 2007
I'm So Tired of Bein' Alone
Mood:  silly
Topic: "Ben McGee" (3)

Frodo is a story tellin' fool, and occasionally he comes upon one that simply tickles his fancy which, if he don't put it down, he will forget, and that would be a shame.  In that regard, and with recognition of the source of this story having appeared to Frodo in the book "In Search of Willie Morris," by Larry L. King, Frodo recounts the edited tale of Ben McGee.

Ben McGee was a black man from Texas who died and was met at the Gates of Heaven by the Lord.  Reading from the Book of Good Deeds the Lord was truly impressed by the works of this gentle man, and he asked to Ben to return to the earth to continue a bit longer.

"Oh Lord," said Ben McGee, "please don't send me back there.  You've never been to Texas.  You don't know what it's like!"

"Well Ben," the Lord said, perhaps a bit sternly, "I think you should go back and continue your good work among your people.  I would hate to put that in the form of an order, but I need someone in Texas with a good heart."

Ben McGee sighed and said, "Well Lord, if I agree to go back to Texas, will you go with me?"

Ben stood there, silent, while the Lord paused and considered the options.  "Well. . . . .," said the Lord, " I'll go as far as Shreveport."

With apologies to all the good people of Mississippi, and gratitude to Merry for making Frodo laugh.  LOL, isn't that right?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:43 PM EDT
Updated: Sunday, August 26, 2007 9:03 PM EDT
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Saturday, August 25, 2007
The Evil Woman, Hey, Hey, Hey
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "Space Poop" (3)

On the 29th of October, 1978, in Frostbite, Florida, a Space Alien, full of Space Junk Food, defecated on the planet Earth.  From those droppings sprung young Travis Henry.

Twenty-eight years later, Travis "Space Poop" Henry is a running back for the Denver Broncos with a $25 Million contract (which computes to a base MONTHLY salary of $50,000).  After supposedly attending class at the University of Tennessee (sometimes referred to as "The Kindergarten of the South") where he "majored" in SOCIOLOGY, "Space Poop" was drafted by the Buffalo Bills, and subsequently traded to first the Tennessee Titans and now the Denver Broncos.  Along the way "Space Poop" found time to father 9 children by 9 different women in North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Florida, and other states, too numerous to mention.  Various judges have ordered "Space Poop" to pay child support in 7 different cases so far.

In an extremely unique ruling, DeKalb Superior Court Judge Clarence Seeliger has noted an inability of "Space Poop" to keep current on mandated child support, and therefore required that he establish a $250,000 trust fund in the name of his now three-year old son.  "Space Poop," who is unmarried, "has some concerns and is weighing his options" according to his barrister (Frodo prefers the use of this word as opposed to the more conventional "attorney," simply because it sounds more like "bastard"), Shiel Edlin (Frodo kids you not).  His barrister reports that, although he received a $1 Million bonus to sign with Denver earlier this year, "He doesn't have any money.  The guy has significant financial issues."  The barrister slaving on behalf of the mother of the three-year-old reports that after taxes were subtracted from the bonus, "Space Poop" spent the remainder on a new Mercedes and gold jewelry.

If these facts, dear reader, aren't enough to make you agree with Frodo's depiction of MISTER Henry as "Space Poop," then get this.  Under court-mandated custody arrangements, in order to save time, "Space Poop" proposed gathering all 9 children TOGETHER and letting them attend training camp for two weeks with dear, old Dad.  Now that would be a families reunion, wouldn't it?  Barrister Edlin, acting in support of his client said, "I know these are a lot of kids, and there might be some questions about it, but he's a really committed father."

Dear reader, Frodo does not know Judge Seeliger, but he thinks the establishment of a trust fund, requiring the payment of child support up front, is the solution to a very big problem.  If you have a mind, why not contact your State Representative and suggest something similar where you live?  Maybe there will be something good to be found in "Space Poop" after all.

In the meantime, Frodo sincerely hopes the Denver Broncos, and the University of Tennessee, go winless in the upcoming season.  Not unlike Michael Vick, there is a lot of "reprehensible" behavior out there, and nothing will change until we make them pull up their pants.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:54 PM EDT
Updated: Saturday, August 25, 2007 1:29 PM EDT
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Friday, August 24, 2007
How Much Does It Cost? I'll Buy It
Mood:  silly
Topic: "Bird is the Word" (3)

Lynn Oberkrom and his family were not doing anything particularly unusual last Monday evening.  Gathered together in their Stockbridge, Georgia, backyard, they were grilling hamburgers and hot dogs for dinner.  Lynn then noticed a severed human finger lying under a table. 

Acting entirely appropriately, he did what Frodo would have done; he called the police.  He should have known better.

When investigators from the Rockdale County (home turf of reactionary Congressman Lynn Westmoreland) Sheriff's office showed up, they began to collect forensic evidence.  Pictures were taken of the finger and a complete search of the Oberkrom household was performed.  The finger was taken and delivered to the DeKalb County (Representative Westmoreland has not seen fit to push for a facility of this nature in his conservative district) Medical Examiner's office for tests.  Deputies concurrently used dogs and a Georgia State Patrol helicopter (need it be noted that Representative Westmoreland doesn't see the necessity of such a vehicle in his district) to search the nearby woods for approximately three hours.

The finger arrived in Medical Examiner Woody Hall's laboratory in a sealed plastic bag.  Outwardly the finger appeared normal, although it was caked with dirt, leading one officer to speculate that it may have been brought into the backyard by the family dog.  No statement had been taken from "Baker," the family schnauzer.  When Hall removed the finger from the bag and cleaned it, in order to take a fingerprint, he noted something odd.  The finger was made of rubber.

A telephone call brought the dogs back in from the search, and the helicopter returned to its pad at State Patrol headquarters.

It was a middle finger. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:39 PM EDT
Updated: Friday, August 24, 2007 8:59 PM EDT
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Wednesday, August 22, 2007
If You Got a Nickel, Won't You Lay Your Money Down
Mood:  chatty
Topic: "Hello? Central?" (3)

To imply that Frodo's mind wanders from time-to-time is not an epiphany.  He readily admits that the most innocent of observances will instantly recall an event or time which helped to shape his Hobbithood.  The consideration of Mother Nature is similarly what must have struck the fancy of Charles Darwin, the imagination of Samuel Clemens, and certainly the curiosity of Benjamin Franklin.  Why, pray tell, can't Frodo then be afforded the luxury of social commentary based on the considerations of life in the Shire?

While proceeding at a snail's pace in his motorcar to and from Mount Doom, Frodo has had plenty of time to notice those who steer the consumers of fossil fuel.  He has noted that the physical characteristics of some pilots are extremely similar depending on the size and style of the motorcar.  Although not universally true, it is indeed highly probable that a "mini-van" of any make or model, of any color whatsoever, with a noticeably wide rear end, is directed by a past puberty female, probably also past that of her offspring, who is talking on a cell phone.  Frodo has noted this in 22 of the last 25 such motorcars to block his path this past day.

Carl Reiner and Alan Arkin starred in one of the truly great comedic films of all time, "The Russians are Coming, The Russians are Coming."  For memory sake, remember dear reader that the Soviet submarine ran aground off the coast of "Glockester," where Reiner and his family were vacationing.  In their attempt to avoid detection and escape without causing an international incident, the Soviet sailors had to paralyze communications on the island.  In this case, at that time, there were no cell phones, and the sailors were able to bind and gag the local telephone company operative, in a chair hanging from the wall on a hook.  When the islanders discovered the presence of the perceived invaders, their inability to communicate led first to the proverbial "Keystone Kops" chase scenes, and then to the poignant conclusion which left a lump in the throat of every one who has ever loved a movie.

Frodo's point is that none of the events at "Glockester" can ever again occur as a believable framework in truth or ficition because of the little piece of technology that seems to occupy the ear of every inattentive driver on America's highways.  Every teen-ager on the island would've had a cell phone to call in the Marines, the Air Force, and anybody else that would've acted to blow that submarine right out of the water.  In addition to the fact that there is no more Soviet Union, there is a whole generation out there that will never understand why Frodo's eyes sparkle when he hears "One-ringy-dingy; two ringy-dingy; Hello, is this the party to whom I'm speaking."

Ernestine, please come home.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:08 PM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, August 22, 2007 10:44 PM EDT
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Monday, August 20, 2007
I've Seen a Lot About What The World Can Do, And It's Breaking My Heart in Two
Mood:  sad
Topic: "Genesis Ignored" (3)

Frodo is in one of the funks of depression.  It is not serious, but a reflection of disturbing news upon disturbing news.  Watching "Nature" on the black-and-white last evening, Frodo observed the courage and the selfless determination of so many people working on behalf of the creatures stranded by Hurricane Katrina.  Tears on his cheeks, glistening in the reflected light, praying that "Thunder" and others somehow survived.  Frodo wanted to kiss the hand of a veterinarianess from Boston who forsook home and family to do what she must.  Then he heard the numbers; 250,000 pets had been left behind, and 15,000 had been rescued.  Save yourself a little mental exercise dear reader, that is 6%.

Michael Vick will plead guilty in a Federal Court on Monday next.  He will admit and take responsibility for the interstate transit of dogs for the purposes of gambling and fighting.  This plea, after initially denying any involvement whatsoever, will result in a felony conviction and time in a penitentiary.  The gifted athlete will likely never play professional football again.   He is evidently going to admit that he "executed" dogs who did not exhibit sufficient ardor in the ring.

Frodo once incensed a roomful of fellow graduate students when he argued that the Holocaust was not an "inhuman" aberration, rather it evidenced "humanity."  Frodo said that there are so many recorded instances of terror and cruelty in the History of Man that it cannot therefore be argued that such behavior is irregular.  "It is," he stated, "clear that Man accepts violence and torture as normal conduct, not insanity."  Frodo gets depressed because this argument is evidenced factually, time and again.  Whether it be "water boarding" or "dog fighting," there are too many arguments in support of such conduct to look upon these acts as anything other than routine.  

The Space Shuttle will be passing overhead in a few minutes, since the threat of Hurrican Dean requires an earlier return.  The Space Station may also be observable as a result.  Frodo feels a need to peer into the heavens tonight.  Maybe everybody does. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:40 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, August 20, 2007 9:16 PM EDT
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Friday, August 17, 2007
Though We're Apart You're Part of Me Still
Mood:  hug me
Topic: "Birthin' No Babies" (3)

Prissy entered Frodo's life in the home town of country music.  Strangely enough, she seemed to look the other way whenever Frodo warbled the words of Hank Williams or Johnny Cash.  It was as if she had heard all the country music she could stand, and there had to be something more appealing.  It was about that time that first she noticed people wearing hats.

Driving along on any downtown street, small town or big city, Prissy seemed to notice black people with floppy hats.  In those days floppy hats were the fashion to go along with the defining notes of disco, and Prissy took exception to the dictates of the moment.  Sitting alongside Frodo in his motorcar, she would rise up and raise holy havoc with any passer-by who fit her definition of fashionably egregious.  Frodo suffered many stares of anger from innocents startled by a combination dachshund and beagle under his titular control.  Frodo learned to accelerate from stoplights at a rate which would bring envy to anyone name Earnhardt or Waltrip.

Despite her concern with appearances, Prissy seemed to enjoy the soft and melodic tones of soul music.  She would sit upright far back in the passenger-side seat of Frodo's motorcar, and grin ear-to-ear whenever Johnny Mathis or Marvin Gaye told her that they dreamed of her at night.  The country girl had found something close to her roots, but different enough to open doors she'd never before considered.  Prissy was a lot like America after Elvis came along.

One night Frodo and Sam found Prissy on her side breathing each breath as if it would be the last.  Although she was well up in her teens, she'd been in for her physical but a week before, and was pronounced in good shape.  Driving his motorcar as if every second counted, Frodo carried Prissy into the emergency facilities of his veterinarian, whom Frodo long ago dubbed "Dr. Two Porsches."  The doctor fitst checked her blood and turned to Frodo with an astonished look, saying "Mr. Frodo, your dog is diabetic."

Reminded that her blood had been checked but a week before, and was found normal,  the two-leggers merely stared at one another.  Then Prissy began to gag.  In a matter of seconds she began to throw up the most beautiful purple mixture all over the tile floor of "Dr. Two Porsches."  As Sam cuddled the now spent canine, Frodo and the doctor looked at the product on the floor.  "Blueberries," he said, "she devoured a ton of blueberries."  Sam and Frodo both recalled the disposition of a baked product they had ben unable to finish.  The little beggar had made her way into the garbage and devoured the entire pie.

As the relieved family headed home, it was Fats Domino on the radio, and they all joined him in the chorus.  Frodo thinks of that little dog to this day, and he remembers how he found that thrill.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:15 PM EDT
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