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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
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Monday, August 28, 2006
Don't Stop Thinkin' About Tomorrow
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Littlest Angel" (2)

Walt Disney had one of the great creative minds of the twentieth century.  Just ask Anaheim, Orlando, Paris, or anyone who has ever seen "The Lady and The Tramp," and all doubt will be erased from your mind, dear reader.  Frodo was among those who sat enthralled before a screen in living black-and-white as Fess Parker and Fred MacMurray expanded his imagination from historical to hilarity.  It was in this context that first he met Angel Macias.

"The Littlest Angel" was the story of a baseball team from Monterey, Mexico, that made its' way to the Little League World Series in Williamsport, Pennsylvania, more than 40 years ago.  The team was led by its' star pitcher, Angel Macias.

Frodo often thinks of the fame that engulfed a 12 year-old-boy and wonders why Frodo remembers something so innocuous as one television show more than a generation later.  Perhaps it is because Frodo did not expect the story to end there, perhaps, he thought, he would soon see Angel as the opposing pitcher in a Major League Game of great consequence.  The anonymity that encompassed the later existence of Angel Macias is probably the greater lesson for Frodo.

Tonight Frodo watched the little boys of Japan lose to the little boys from Columbus, Georgia, in the latest rendition of the Little League World Series in Williamsport, Pennsylvania.  The Columbus team was led by its' star pitcher, and everyone seemed to glow in his dominance.  The few minutes made available to this young boy pass quickly from the pages to the footnotes, that is if we have learned anything from the experience of Angel Macias.  It is, after all, but a game, and the real winner is the one who remembers not who won or lost, just that they were little boys, whose tomorrows are far more important than what they do today.   

  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:43 PM EDT
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Friday, August 25, 2006
It Gets Hotter Than a Hoochie Coochie
Mood:  surprised
Topic: "One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
One year ago today Hurricane Katrina was crossing the Florida peninsula and settling in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico, and she was gathering strength. On the same day George W. Armstrong Custer Bush was clearing brush as he neared the end of another of his vacations from hard work. Michael Brown was busy issuing memos and wondering where he might have lunch. Antoine "Fats" Domino was relaxing in his modest home in the area known as the Ninth Ward, in New Orleans. Aaron Brown was preparing for his nightly chair of the day's events for CNN. Frodo trudged upward on Mount Doom, just as he had done the day before.

Hurricane Katrina struck Hancock County, Mississippi, head on, and swung in the direction of Lake Ponchartrain, which is the geographical north shore of the City of Orleans. The scene was set for the event that annually caused so many to mount hurricane tracking charts on the walls of "rec" rooms. A hurricane would raise water levels to the danger level and threaten the levee system itself, if the hurricane spun into Lake Ponchartrain.

If you've ever driven or flown in an easterly direction past the City of Orleans that high rise bridge to the Northeast of downtown spans where the first levee broke. The water spilled through that section of the Parish and engulfed all of the area between until it reached the Mississippi River to the South of downtown. The Ninth Ward and St. Bernard Parish are the points of reference at this point.

Almost five miles back from that break the 17th Street Canal separates Orleans Parish from Jefferson Parish. The second break occurred here, and the floodwaters poured into the Lakefront section of Orleans and on toward the Ninth Ward.

Frodo, like most of us, felt that the City had been spared. He did not yet know that the levees had broken once the hurricane itself moved out of Lake Ponchartrain and headed inland. Watching Aaron Brown one evening, he heard the impassioned reporting of Jeanne Meserve, and the impact of her words hit home.

The realization that comes when disaster strikes the homes and hearts of people and places that are part of your Shire, dear reader, is better than tomato juice and a raw egg. One gets sober very quickly.

One year ago today, Frodo felt that the City of Orleans would always be there, calling to him to come home and dance in her streets. Sam has said that going back now would be too painful.

One year ago today, Frodo was stung by the Sword of the Black Rider.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:38 PM EDT
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Thursday, August 24, 2006
Pain In My Heart Caused By You
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "Osama Can You See?" (2)
Frodo has spent much of the past twenty four hours listening to people who knew of what they spoke. Last evening, Christiane Amanpour's production "In the Footsteps of bin Laden," was televised on CNN. This morning, Tom Friedman talked live with Don Imus on the MSNBC show "Imus in the Morning." These two journalists have spent much of their lives visiting, observing, and talking with people in the Middle East. They know a lot of stuff, and they have personal contacts which allow them to gather even greater input.

Frodo learned last night that the attack on 9/11 was not viewed universally within the radical fundamentalists of Islam as a great victory. Many of bin Laden's peers felt that the assault on the United States would unleash the "800 pound gorilla," and result in catastrophic damage to the assets of their movement. According to her sources, Amanpour reported that this dialogue has been the major reason that no further attacks have so far been unleashed against the United States. Although planning for another assault is underway, and one cleric has already authorized al Qaeda to commit the deaths of up to "10 Million" American civilians in such an attack, the political discourse within radical Islam continues. The tapes released by al Qaeda are basically political propaganda spouting bin Laden's position.

Frodo wonders if George W. Armstrong Custer Bush, now on phase II of his month-long vacation (this time in Maine with his parents), knows that his efforts to prevent another assault on America have been basically irrelevant?

Tom Friedman first travelled to the Middle East when he was 16 years old. He has always sounded much like Gandalf when he discusses the make-up of this part of our small blue planet. Friedman has used the term "vacuum" time-and-again when discussing the institutional changes initiated by the Iraqi incursion, explaining that one must replace a broken brick with a new brick, or the whole wall will collapse upon itself. Frodo's analogy here is his own.

Friedman has concluded that there is no further role for the military arm of the United States in what has basically become an internal and civil conflict. Our military stands amidst what has basically become a struggle within Islam itself. A struggle between those who desire secular government, and those who desire a fundamentalist state. At the present time the US military serves no role other than to support one of these positions against the other. It is a more dangerous world because of our presence there, and Friedman grows increasingly pessimistic with each passing day.

Frodo has thought about the position of 130,000 brave young Americans, with Sunnis to the left of them, Shiites to the right of them, volleyed and thundered. Into the Valley of Death, in obedience to their Commander, ride the many hundred.

All it takes is a malignant ideologue who justifies the death of so many as "pay back" for many years of supplying and supporting those who committed "atrocities" against Islam. For this is exactly the position of those who follow bin Laden. There are now "a thousand" who would sacrifice themselves in a short flight into the Mess Hall of the largest concentration of US troops in Iraq. That is not the course for us to stay. In contrast to the Commander-in-Chief, Frodo argues that staying there will be the "disaster."

God grant Frodo's wish that he is wrong.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:10 PM EDT
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Tuesday, August 22, 2006
I'll Be Your Love Until The End of Time
Mood:  lucky
Topic: "Buckwheat Breathes" (2)

A 36 year-old graduate student at the University of California, Berkeley, conceptually, causes apoplectic fits for some people.  "Professional student" Michael Park was doing research on Mount Diablo, a 3900 foot peak just east of San Francisco, last year when he found a plant no one had observed since it had been declared extinct in 1936.  The Mount Diablo buckwheat was discovered in the same park where conservation groups brought the peregrine falcon back from near-extinction in 1989.  In fact, 12 of the 650 plants which occur in the park are found nowhere else on our small blue planet.

Frodo was rather taken by the ecological significance of Mount Diablo and the state park of the same name.  It seems that the park squats at the nexus of two small mountain ranges and the San Francisco Bay.  The park has an unusual "blend" of rocks, soils, and growing conditions according to local scientists.  Frodo was immediately sensitive to the words "blend" and "San Francisco" used to describe these environmental conditions.  Perhaps Frodo exhibited a little too much of his natural cynicism.

The Mount Diablo buckwheat has been successfully grown both in the laboratory by artificial means and by natural propagation in the little patch where it was discovered.  Seed has been collected and can be kept in storage for as long as 100 years.  A  preventative is thereby created to offset the danger of a natural, i.e. earthquake, disaster or a man-made screw-up like an errant campfire.   All the bases have been covered to ensure that the Mount Diablo buckwheat only goes to extinct status one time.

Frodo has never seen Mount Diablo, but he is very familiar with much of the Southern Appalachians, home to the most diverse grouping of plants anywhere.  There are probably 650 different plants in Frodo's front yard at Lake Lovey, dwarfing the entire botanical population of the Mount Diablo park.  The difference may be that the University of California, Berkeley, sits next to Mount Diablo and it seems to produce students of nature and mankind.  The University of Tennessee, Knoxville, sits near Lake Lovey, and they hope to go to the Peach Bowl this year, and to sing "Rocky Top" until they turn orange. 

Funny how some people define "values," isn't it, dear reader?  

 

 

  

 

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:42 PM EDT
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Sunday, August 20, 2006
What a Difference a Day Makes, 24 Little Hours
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: "Who did it?" (2)
Sam is at the bedside of the gallant Howard. His operating systems are signing off one-by-one, and if the analogy were carried to the extreme, he would be an undisturbed blue screen. Preparations for this moment have ensured that no one will attempt to salvage the hard drive.

Frodo remains at the Shire, coordinating activities there and doing his utmost to maintain the strength of the American economy. The creatures of the Shire all miss Sam, as does Frodo. Frodo wishes for Sam that this last cycle of life will be a peaceful moment for the gallant Howard, and not revert to the nuance of a Dylan Thomas poem ("Rage, Rage, Against the Light; Do Not Go Gently Into That Good Night.").

Once, after the gallant Howard first stood all alone, he came to the Shire to spend time with Sam and Frodo. He loved the Shire because of its' devotion to native plants and restless little natives. Not unlike Frodo, for whom he always had great affection, the gallant Howard knew far more about the out-of-doors than he did the in-of-doors. So when the occasion arised that Sam was not present, and dishes needed washing, the operation of an automatic device was unfamiliar to them both. Being relatively intelligent Hobbits, they figured that the mysteries of such a device were not unsurmountable. That proved to be correct, however the solution to perform the actual cleansing selected by the two miscreants proved faulty.

Remember the movie, "Mister Roberts?" Henry Fonda played the lead and Jack Lemmon played Ensign Pulver, Laundry & Morale Officer, in this adaptation of a great Broadway play. In the movie Pulver finally blew up the Laundry and doused the entire ship in soap suds, remember that scene?

Frodo and the gallant Howard were confronted by a similar scene when the soap suds started pouring out of the automatic dishwasher from every conceivable crevice at an alarming rate. It took several minutes for the two of them to finally figure out how to halt the unwanted production of the glorious bubbles. By that time however, all of Sam's kitchen was covered in at least three feet of bubbles. It should be noted that the creatures of the Shire had all mysteriously vacated the in-of-doors and had been out-of-doors as soon as they had become aware of the joint efforts of Frodo and the gallant Howard in the first place.

Finally, the kitchen was devoid of bubbles, and, in fact, the kitchen to Frodo's eye, looked cleaner than at any moment prior. The two cavaliers decided amongst themselves that they would simply omit the afternoons' events from their discussions with Sam. It was as it is in the common parlance, "No harm, no foul."

Frodo was betrayed by the grinning gallant Howard, who announced to Sam and all the world that "your boy" (referring to Frodo) had quite a time while Sam was in absentia.

Sam received flowers and several expensive gifts. Frodo glared at Howard of the big mouth. Then he started to laugh.

Today, with tears in his eyes, Frodo laughs again about a moment in time that will always symbolize the friendship of Frodo and the gallant Howard. Turning on the dishwasher will never have quite the romance it did on that day, not so long ago.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:52 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, August 21, 2006 9:51 PM EDT
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Tuesday, August 15, 2006
You're No Good, Baby, You're No Good
Mood:  sharp
Topic: "Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
In the movie "Groundhog Day," Bill Murray keeps awakening to a repeat of the day before. After almost six years of George W. Armstrong Custer Bush and his moronic gaffes in both his choice of words and his actions, George Allen is almost more than anyone could imagine. Could there be some sort of divine plan to punish mankind by repeating the past eight years with eight more years of imbecilic cowboy boots and insensitive perceptions of the outside world? Frodo is considering another cup of coffee, this one laced with something pronounced.

Here are two goons, children of privilege, both of whom found ways to avoid basic military service as well as any prosecution for their youthful peccadillos. The first goon is now 1,202 days into his proclamation that the foray into Iraq is "Mission Accomplished." It should be noted for historical reference that more than 62% of respondents now feel(remember, 1,202 days after everything was successfully concluded)that the entire effort was ill-advised. The second goon, before an all-white crowd of supporters deep in the mountains of Appalachia, singled out the only dark-skinned attendee (a travelling cameraman for his Senate rival)as a "Macaca." He subsequently apologized, stating that even though he called the young man one, he had no idea what it was.

Bullshit.

There are times when Frodo feels that the most banal can be applied without being obscene. The Mission is not accomplished Mr. President. The young man is not a North African Negroid Senator. Your joint apologies, re-statements, and clarifications are just plain bullshit.

Perhaps the wasteland of the media is now simply so huge that it is impossible for any politician to avoid the human slips and errors reflected in poorly-conceived policies or attempts at humor. If so, then the literal skill of John Kennedy, or Franklin Roosevelt, or even Abraham Lincoln might also be tarnished if each had been subject to the same scrutiny. Frodo chooses to believe otherwise. Guys like Bush and Allen are just so full of misinformation that it spills out all around both of them. Smells bad, too.




Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:07 PM EDT
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Monday, August 14, 2006
Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair
Mood:  silly
Topic: "Clean Machine" (2)
Frodo knows what it is like to be accused of something he did not do. There are situations however, in which blame is supplanted by credit for acts not done. Tempting it is to stand in silence and receive accolades, for in some situations if Frodo doesn't get the applause, then hands are never clapped.

Debbie Phillips, President of the Putnam County, West (By God) Virginia, School Board, returned home one evening recently to find her house cleaned, top-to-bottom. Her husband denied any responsibility, as did her next-door neighbor. In fact, Ms. Phillips was unable to find anyone who professed any knowledge of the phantom housecleaning. Given the fact that her house had been locked, and the key remained in its' secret hiding place, she did the only reasonable thing. She called the police.

The following is a transcript of how the telephone call to the City's 911 System may have actually happened:

"Hullo Mrs. Phillips, Sgt. Pyle here, what can I do for you this evening?"
"I see, uh huh. So you had someone break-in to the house while you were at work, is that right? Well, is anything missing?"
"Was there any damage done then?"
"Any sign of forced entry?"
"Well, if nothing is missing, and there is no sign of any damage, what makes you think somebody broke in?"
"I beg your pardon? Could you repeat that?"
"The house has been cleaned?"
"The beds have been made, the kitchen floor mopped, the toilets scoured, the windows washed, the living room vacuumed, and a thorough dusting throughout the house."
"Mrs. Phillips, you're telling me that neither your husband nor any of your friends admit to the cleaning, and the reason you're calling 911 is to go on record that somebody must have entered the house using your hidden key, and cleaned your house without permission. Then, they evidently returned the key to its' hiding place, and didn't even leave you a note?"
"Mrs. Phillips, have you had to confiscate any marijuana or anything from any students so far this school year?"
"No Ma'am, I'm just asking questions so that my Captain doesn't ask me that question?"
"Yes ma'am. Thank you for calling, and we'll keep an eye out for anyone cleaning without permission."

Several weeks later Mrs. Phillips was interrupted at work by a telephone call from her son who was home alone. It seems that a cleaning lady had parked her car out front, removed the key from its' secret hiding place, and entered through the front door. She then proceeded to mop the kitchen floor.

The facts determined by the Police Department were that the cleaning service had been hired by a neighbor one street over, with the same house number, who, conveniently it seems, chose exactly the same location for hiding a key at their house as did Mrs. Phillips at her house. Mrs. Phillips chose not to prosecute under auspices of the Patriot Act, or to challenge the legal status of any of the cleaning crew.

Frodo, had he been Mrs. Phillips husband, would have taken credit for the phantom cleaning, and later placed a $10 bill under the rock where the key was kept as a token of his gratitude to the perpetrator.

Frodo knows that some gifts, once given, cannot be taken back.





Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:33 PM EDT
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Sunday, August 13, 2006
I Ran All The Way Home
Mood:  down
Topic: "Changin' Channels" (2)
Mike Wallace, as previously indicated, has interviewed everybody. Frodo never felt that Mr. Wallace was intimidated or overtly personal in the attempt to provide information about a celebrity or political figure. He was simply very direct in his questioning. One of his most famous interviews was with the Ayatollah Khomeini, in which he quoted to Khomeini former Egyptian President Anwar Sadat as saying that Khomeini was "crazy." Perhaps that is why the current Iranian Head of State agreed to meet with Wallace for tonight's episode of "60 Minutes."

He was ready for Wallace. Calm and collected, always smiling, he made the kind of points that Civil Engineers (of which he is one, and all of whom, no matter the nationality, seem to be markedly conservative) would appreciate. He left Wallace with the argument that Israel as a presence in the Middle East is improperly placed. The Jewish State, he argued should be in Germany, or in America, but that there is no valid reason for the country to exist in that part of the world. Wallace, missed the opportunity because he was irritated that the little greaser had avoided one of his earlier questions.

Later on he obtained a "carte blanche" from Wallace to address the failure of the Bush Administration to even respond to his letter to the President of the United States. He sucked Wallace in to feeding him the point that he was merely trying to tell the President of the United States that his "behavior" was not in the best interests of world peace.

He never referred to Wallace's Faith, and Wallace was unable to draw him into some sort of remark which all the world would interpret as Anti-Semitic or threatening. Although Wallace recovered to avoid an early termination to the interview by flattering his subject, he was unable to crack the "force field" with which his subject had surrounded himself. Mike never got off the defensive.

Frodo supposes, as he indicated in his discussion about Joe Lieberman, that he should add journalists to his list of people who sometimes don't know when their best days are now distant memories. Staying too long can be embarrassing, and tonight's show proved that conclusively. Besides, the Redskins are playing their first exhibition game on another channel, and Frodo needs a bit of an escape from one more egg on the face of CBS News. And Katie ain't even on yet!


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:41 PM EDT
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Thursday, August 10, 2006
Have You Ever Been Lonely, Have You Ever Been Blue?
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
One of the great loves in Frodo's life is the inexplicable game of baseball. It was very hard for Frodo when he realized that there would be no more games to play. For the rest of his life he would be a spectator, a commentator, a "fan." No more desperate dashes with his back-to-the plate in the only plot of ground Frodo ever felt was his, center field. There are still times when Frodo would like one more afternoon, the way it used to be.

Politicians are a lot like athletes. They love the game, the thrill is never gone, and the "backroom" is like the "locker room." It is hard to let go of something so consuming. Just ask Joe Lieberman.

Lieberman professed that he was a great sports fan, and from that he had learned that the game is not over at half-time. Therefore, he reasoned, it was incumbent upon him to file as an Independent Candidate for re-election to a fourth term in the Senate of the United States. Unfortunately Joe has not yet realized that his best days as a politician are all behind him, and that he ran the risk of being the athlete who held on too long, and never acknowledged the dimunition of his effectiveness. He allowed his ego to supercede the needs of his teammates.

Recently, two old friends visited Frodo and Sam. One had been the pitcher and the other the left-fielder in the last game that Frodo played in center field. They reminded him of that last game, and how empty the fields are now without Frodo's chatter and winged feet in the alleys between right and left. They all laughed together when Frodo described his second-to-last at bat, when he took a high and tight pitch to deep center field which rolled far beyond the grasp of any fielder on the opposing team. Rounding third toward home, Frodo slipped and fell flat on his face only a few feet from home plate. As the startled opponents rallied and desperately tried to return the ball to the infield, Frodo crawled, on all fours, and miraculously slipped his hand onto home plate ahead of the catchers' tag. The stands, the players on both sides, and Frodo, erupted in laughter, and Frodo smiled with a grateful tear for what may have been his last hurrah.

Two innings later, the final inning, Frodo came to bat again, with his team trailing by a run. Everyone seemed to know that there was no more magic in that old bat he swung, and, silently, most were simply hoping that Frodo not make the last out. Frodo felt likewise. Frodo topped a ball into the ground into the hole between short and third, and he burst from the batter's box in one last sprint to first base. The shortstop fielded the ball cleanly, but lost his grip on the ball momentarily, and his throw to first was slightly off target. Frodo reached first on the shortstop's error. His friends and teammates applauded.

Moments like that are difficult to accept. Saying good-bye to a big part of Hobbit life is remembered first among all memories. Frodo feels for Joe Lieberman that he hasn't learned how to accept the applause, and to realize that even John Wayne knew when the last shot had been fired. It's never fair, but it is.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:33 PM EDT
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Wednesday, August 9, 2006
I Get The Blues Most Every Night, Since I Fell For You
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Mount Mulch" (2)
Frodo has professed to be the smallest and the weakest, he has never offered himself as free of misjudgement. In his continuing effort to improve the Gardens of the Shire, Frodo is an advocate of the theory that "Change is Good." Subsequent to his failed attempt, not unique amongst the universe of attempts, to achieve perfection by spreading straw of the pine all about, Frodo decided to remove the last vestiges of the yellow pine forest which predated Frodo's presence in the Shire. Six 50-year-old trees encumbered the front half of the Garden, aka "The Eastern 40."

This past Saturday, in the searing heat, two regular workers and two undocumented aliens arrived as agreed in the Shire to cut down and dispose of the unwanted arboreal nuisance. Frodo did not properly assess the situation when asked if he wanted to retain the mulch. Frodo was more interested in practicing his fractured Spanish on the refugees from Guadalajara. Frodo evidently told the tree-cutters that he wanted to keep all of the mulch. Frodo should have been alerted to the potential problem when told that he was the first customer that the tree-cutters had ever had who wanted all of the mulch.

At the bottom of Frodo's driveway is the 20-foot-tall mound of pine remnants. It is as if Mother Nature is taking a bit of revenge upon poor Frodo for ordering the destruction of her creation. For four days, off-and-on, in searing heat, one wheelbarrow load at a time, Frodo has been shoveling and hauling pine mulch. The estimate is that there are still four trees in the mound.

The flower beds in the "Western 40" are mulchenized. A new walkway through the deciduous forest outside the fence has been fully mulchimated. Every perennial plant and shrub is now mulchatomic. Only the spacious wasteland of the "Eastern 40" remains to be mulchagraphed. Frodo estimates that at least one-and-a-half trees will remain in "Mount Mulch."

Sam has been rather silent throughout Frodo's ordeal. The suggestion that a sign spelling out "Free Mulch" would be seen as a righteous move has actually been met by the silence of the neighborhood. It is as if they are the White House Press Corps, shaking in their boots and afraid to critically question the judgment of the Incomparable Moron.

Frodo has never felt more like the President of the United States. He should have been paying attention.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:59 PM EDT
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