Mood: accident prone
Topic: "Mount Mulch" (2)
Frodo has professed to be the smallest and the weakest, he has never offered himself as free of misjudgement. In his continuing effort to improve the Gardens of the Shire, Frodo is an advocate of the theory that "Change is Good." Subsequent to his failed attempt, not unique amongst the universe of attempts, to achieve perfection by spreading straw of the pine all about, Frodo decided to remove the last vestiges of the yellow pine forest which predated Frodo's presence in the Shire. Six 50-year-old trees encumbered the front half of the Garden, aka "The Eastern 40."
This past Saturday, in the searing heat, two regular workers and two undocumented aliens arrived as agreed in the Shire to cut down and dispose of the unwanted arboreal nuisance. Frodo did not properly assess the situation when asked if he wanted to retain the mulch. Frodo was more interested in practicing his fractured Spanish on the refugees from Guadalajara. Frodo evidently told the tree-cutters that he wanted to keep all of the mulch. Frodo should have been alerted to the potential problem when told that he was the first customer that the tree-cutters had ever had who wanted all of the mulch.
At the bottom of Frodo's driveway is the 20-foot-tall mound of pine remnants. It is as if Mother Nature is taking a bit of revenge upon poor Frodo for ordering the destruction of her creation. For four days, off-and-on, in searing heat, one wheelbarrow load at a time, Frodo has been shoveling and hauling pine mulch. The estimate is that there are still four trees in the mound.
The flower beds in the "Western 40" are mulchenized. A new walkway through the deciduous forest outside the fence has been fully mulchimated. Every perennial plant and shrub is now mulchatomic. Only the spacious wasteland of the "Eastern 40" remains to be mulchagraphed. Frodo estimates that at least one-and-a-half trees will remain in "Mount Mulch."
Sam has been rather silent throughout Frodo's ordeal. The suggestion that a sign spelling out "Free Mulch" would be seen as a righteous move has actually been met by the silence of the neighborhood. It is as if they are the White House Press Corps, shaking in their boots and afraid to critically question the judgment of the Incomparable Moron.
Frodo has never felt more like the President of the United States. He should have been paying attention.