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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
"One Down, More Comin'"
"One For the Good Guys"
"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
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"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
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"Our Town" (8)
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"Pace Car" (3)
"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
"Passion Flowers" (5)
"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
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"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
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"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
"Problems?" (4)
"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
"Punxatawney Bush"
"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
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"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
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"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
"Sauron Psalms" (2)
"Sauron's Scythe" (4)
"Savin' Gas" (4)
"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
"Scooter" (2)
"Scott Free" (4)
"Sears and Loveaduck" (5)
"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
"Serendipity Strikes" (3)
"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
"Skull and Bones"(4)
"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
"Smellin' Roses"
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"Smoochy Time" (4)
"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
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"Soul Train" (5)
"Souter Rules, Dude"
"Southern Ladies" (5)
"Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)
"Space Poop" (3)
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"Stan & Ollie"(7)
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"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
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"Stupidly" (5)
"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
"Subsidizing Seeds"(6)
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"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
"Survey Says" (6)
"Sweet Georgia Brown"
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"Take a letter, dearie"
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"Takes a Worried Man"(4)
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"Tax Driver" (9)
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"Tear Down That Wall"(4)
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"Terminal? Great!"
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"Terrible Swift Sword"(6)
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"Texas Exes" (8)
"Thank the Academy"(4)
"Thank You Rand Paul"
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"Thanks, Dad" (3)
"Thar She Blows"
"That Looks Like Me"(5)
"That's the way it is"(5)
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"The 60 Year Struggle"(5)
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"The Brotherhood Begins"
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"The Forum" (2)
"The Future is Now (2)"
"The Garden of Good"
"The Good Book" (4)
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"The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)
"The Important Stuff"
"The Italian Stallion"
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"The Perfect Storm" (2)
"The Pre-Fellowship"(4)
"The Prophecy"
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"The Second Amendment"
"The Silver Sow Award"(3)
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"The Turtle" (3)
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"Third Strike Nuance (2)"
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"To Arms, To Arms"
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"Tom Bombadil isDying"(7)
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"Tom" (4)
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"Tree Fishin' (2)"
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"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
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"Untimely Events"
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"Video Thriller"(5)
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"Vote Frodo (Not)"(7)
"W is for Wuss""
"Wait 'til Next Year" (2)
"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
"Walkin' the Dogs"(8)
"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
"War on Middle Class"(2)
"War on Tara"
"Warm Bucket of Spit"(4)
"Was Miers His Attorney?"
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"Water Into Wine" (11)
"Water into Wine?"
"Watts da plan, Man?"(5)
"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
"We Will Rock You"
"Weather Channel Follies"
"Weddin' Down South" (3)
"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
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"What Mark Felt"
"What Schedule?" (2)
"What Time Is It (2)"
"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
"Wiccan I do for you?"(2)
"Wicked Pickett"
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"Will better be?"(7)
"Willard" (7)
"Willie B had heart" (5)
"Winchester Women (2)"
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"Winter Solstice"
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"Wither Channels" (5)
"Wither Weather"(9)
"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
"Worth Waiting For?"(5)
"Write a Letter" (7)
"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
"Wyomin' Gloamin'" (2)
"Xmas in Shreveport"(6)
"Yahoo" (4)
"Yankee Humor" (5)
"Yankee Ingenuity"
"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
"Yellow Peril" (3)
"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Monday, August 14, 2006
Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair
Mood:  silly
Topic: "Clean Machine" (2)
Frodo knows what it is like to be accused of something he did not do. There are situations however, in which blame is supplanted by credit for acts not done. Tempting it is to stand in silence and receive accolades, for in some situations if Frodo doesn't get the applause, then hands are never clapped.

Debbie Phillips, President of the Putnam County, West (By God) Virginia, School Board, returned home one evening recently to find her house cleaned, top-to-bottom. Her husband denied any responsibility, as did her next-door neighbor. In fact, Ms. Phillips was unable to find anyone who professed any knowledge of the phantom housecleaning. Given the fact that her house had been locked, and the key remained in its' secret hiding place, she did the only reasonable thing. She called the police.

The following is a transcript of how the telephone call to the City's 911 System may have actually happened:

"Hullo Mrs. Phillips, Sgt. Pyle here, what can I do for you this evening?"
"I see, uh huh. So you had someone break-in to the house while you were at work, is that right? Well, is anything missing?"
"Was there any damage done then?"
"Any sign of forced entry?"
"Well, if nothing is missing, and there is no sign of any damage, what makes you think somebody broke in?"
"I beg your pardon? Could you repeat that?"
"The house has been cleaned?"
"The beds have been made, the kitchen floor mopped, the toilets scoured, the windows washed, the living room vacuumed, and a thorough dusting throughout the house."
"Mrs. Phillips, you're telling me that neither your husband nor any of your friends admit to the cleaning, and the reason you're calling 911 is to go on record that somebody must have entered the house using your hidden key, and cleaned your house without permission. Then, they evidently returned the key to its' hiding place, and didn't even leave you a note?"
"Mrs. Phillips, have you had to confiscate any marijuana or anything from any students so far this school year?"
"No Ma'am, I'm just asking questions so that my Captain doesn't ask me that question?"
"Yes ma'am. Thank you for calling, and we'll keep an eye out for anyone cleaning without permission."

Several weeks later Mrs. Phillips was interrupted at work by a telephone call from her son who was home alone. It seems that a cleaning lady had parked her car out front, removed the key from its' secret hiding place, and entered through the front door. She then proceeded to mop the kitchen floor.

The facts determined by the Police Department were that the cleaning service had been hired by a neighbor one street over, with the same house number, who, conveniently it seems, chose exactly the same location for hiding a key at their house as did Mrs. Phillips at her house. Mrs. Phillips chose not to prosecute under auspices of the Patriot Act, or to challenge the legal status of any of the cleaning crew.

Frodo, had he been Mrs. Phillips husband, would have taken credit for the phantom cleaning, and later placed a $10 bill under the rock where the key was kept as a token of his gratitude to the perpetrator.

Frodo knows that some gifts, once given, cannot be taken back.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:33 PM EDT
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Sunday, August 13, 2006
I Ran All The Way Home
Mood:  down
Topic: "Changin' Channels" (2)
Mike Wallace, as previously indicated, has interviewed everybody. Frodo never felt that Mr. Wallace was intimidated or overtly personal in the attempt to provide information about a celebrity or political figure. He was simply very direct in his questioning. One of his most famous interviews was with the Ayatollah Khomeini, in which he quoted to Khomeini former Egyptian President Anwar Sadat as saying that Khomeini was "crazy." Perhaps that is why the current Iranian Head of State agreed to meet with Wallace for tonight's episode of "60 Minutes."

He was ready for Wallace. Calm and collected, always smiling, he made the kind of points that Civil Engineers (of which he is one, and all of whom, no matter the nationality, seem to be markedly conservative) would appreciate. He left Wallace with the argument that Israel as a presence in the Middle East is improperly placed. The Jewish State, he argued should be in Germany, or in America, but that there is no valid reason for the country to exist in that part of the world. Wallace, missed the opportunity because he was irritated that the little greaser had avoided one of his earlier questions.

Later on he obtained a "carte blanche" from Wallace to address the failure of the Bush Administration to even respond to his letter to the President of the United States. He sucked Wallace in to feeding him the point that he was merely trying to tell the President of the United States that his "behavior" was not in the best interests of world peace.

He never referred to Wallace's Faith, and Wallace was unable to draw him into some sort of remark which all the world would interpret as Anti-Semitic or threatening. Although Wallace recovered to avoid an early termination to the interview by flattering his subject, he was unable to crack the "force field" with which his subject had surrounded himself. Mike never got off the defensive.

Frodo supposes, as he indicated in his discussion about Joe Lieberman, that he should add journalists to his list of people who sometimes don't know when their best days are now distant memories. Staying too long can be embarrassing, and tonight's show proved that conclusively. Besides, the Redskins are playing their first exhibition game on another channel, and Frodo needs a bit of an escape from one more egg on the face of CBS News. And Katie ain't even on yet!

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:41 PM EDT
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Thursday, August 10, 2006
Have You Ever Been Lonely, Have You Ever Been Blue?
Mood:  energetic
Topic: "Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
One of the great loves in Frodo's life is the inexplicable game of baseball. It was very hard for Frodo when he realized that there would be no more games to play. For the rest of his life he would be a spectator, a commentator, a "fan." No more desperate dashes with his back-to-the plate in the only plot of ground Frodo ever felt was his, center field. There are still times when Frodo would like one more afternoon, the way it used to be.

Politicians are a lot like athletes. They love the game, the thrill is never gone, and the "backroom" is like the "locker room." It is hard to let go of something so consuming. Just ask Joe Lieberman.

Lieberman professed that he was a great sports fan, and from that he had learned that the game is not over at half-time. Therefore, he reasoned, it was incumbent upon him to file as an Independent Candidate for re-election to a fourth term in the Senate of the United States. Unfortunately Joe has not yet realized that his best days as a politician are all behind him, and that he ran the risk of being the athlete who held on too long, and never acknowledged the dimunition of his effectiveness. He allowed his ego to supercede the needs of his teammates.

Recently, two old friends visited Frodo and Sam. One had been the pitcher and the other the left-fielder in the last game that Frodo played in center field. They reminded him of that last game, and how empty the fields are now without Frodo's chatter and winged feet in the alleys between right and left. They all laughed together when Frodo described his second-to-last at bat, when he took a high and tight pitch to deep center field which rolled far beyond the grasp of any fielder on the opposing team. Rounding third toward home, Frodo slipped and fell flat on his face only a few feet from home plate. As the startled opponents rallied and desperately tried to return the ball to the infield, Frodo crawled, on all fours, and miraculously slipped his hand onto home plate ahead of the catchers' tag. The stands, the players on both sides, and Frodo, erupted in laughter, and Frodo smiled with a grateful tear for what may have been his last hurrah.

Two innings later, the final inning, Frodo came to bat again, with his team trailing by a run. Everyone seemed to know that there was no more magic in that old bat he swung, and, silently, most were simply hoping that Frodo not make the last out. Frodo felt likewise. Frodo topped a ball into the ground into the hole between short and third, and he burst from the batter's box in one last sprint to first base. The shortstop fielded the ball cleanly, but lost his grip on the ball momentarily, and his throw to first was slightly off target. Frodo reached first on the shortstop's error. His friends and teammates applauded.

Moments like that are difficult to accept. Saying good-bye to a big part of Hobbit life is remembered first among all memories. Frodo feels for Joe Lieberman that he hasn't learned how to accept the applause, and to realize that even John Wayne knew when the last shot had been fired. It's never fair, but it is.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:33 PM EDT
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Wednesday, August 9, 2006
I Get The Blues Most Every Night, Since I Fell For You
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Mount Mulch" (2)
Frodo has professed to be the smallest and the weakest, he has never offered himself as free of misjudgement. In his continuing effort to improve the Gardens of the Shire, Frodo is an advocate of the theory that "Change is Good." Subsequent to his failed attempt, not unique amongst the universe of attempts, to achieve perfection by spreading straw of the pine all about, Frodo decided to remove the last vestiges of the yellow pine forest which predated Frodo's presence in the Shire. Six 50-year-old trees encumbered the front half of the Garden, aka "The Eastern 40."

This past Saturday, in the searing heat, two regular workers and two undocumented aliens arrived as agreed in the Shire to cut down and dispose of the unwanted arboreal nuisance. Frodo did not properly assess the situation when asked if he wanted to retain the mulch. Frodo was more interested in practicing his fractured Spanish on the refugees from Guadalajara. Frodo evidently told the tree-cutters that he wanted to keep all of the mulch. Frodo should have been alerted to the potential problem when told that he was the first customer that the tree-cutters had ever had who wanted all of the mulch.

At the bottom of Frodo's driveway is the 20-foot-tall mound of pine remnants. It is as if Mother Nature is taking a bit of revenge upon poor Frodo for ordering the destruction of her creation. For four days, off-and-on, in searing heat, one wheelbarrow load at a time, Frodo has been shoveling and hauling pine mulch. The estimate is that there are still four trees in the mound.

The flower beds in the "Western 40" are mulchenized. A new walkway through the deciduous forest outside the fence has been fully mulchimated. Every perennial plant and shrub is now mulchatomic. Only the spacious wasteland of the "Eastern 40" remains to be mulchagraphed. Frodo estimates that at least one-and-a-half trees will remain in "Mount Mulch."

Sam has been rather silent throughout Frodo's ordeal. The suggestion that a sign spelling out "Free Mulch" would be seen as a righteous move has actually been met by the silence of the neighborhood. It is as if they are the White House Press Corps, shaking in their boots and afraid to critically question the judgment of the Incomparable Moron.

Frodo has never felt more like the President of the United States. He should have been paying attention.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:59 PM EDT
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Monday, August 7, 2006
You Can Go Your Own Way, Don't Go Away
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: "Martyr Magic" (2)
Frodo is barely able to imagine exactly how difficult life must have been in the Shire in the Year of Our Lord, 1597. Given the fact that much of the geography is reclaimed swamp and wetland, and that mosquitos are everywhere today, the absence of repellants in that atmosphere must have been, if one will pardon the expression, ungodly. The news that five Spanish missionaries killed by Indians on the Georgia coast in 1597 are now recognized as martyrs, and potentially saints, caught the attention of Frodo. His admiration however, was short-lived.

Pedro de Corpa, Francisco de Verascola, and three of their Franciscan associates were living among the Guale Indians near the present coastal community of Brunswick. De Corpa made his feelings known to the Guale Chief that his son, named Juanillo, should discontinue the Guale tradition of bigamy. De Corpa told the chief that "the Church" would not condone such behavior.

Frodo thought of George W. Armstrong Custer Bush and his "Crusade" to bring democracy to the heathens of the Middle East.

The Guale were not terribly enthused about the opinions of De Corpa and his associates. The next morning, while the Franciscans were at prayer, the Guale attacked and beat them to death. They subsequently beheaded de Corpa, and placed his head on a pike.

Frodo thought about what the "Iraqi people" might do to Bush if they could get their hands on him.

The archeologist involved in the analysis of the human remains is hoping that enough information about de Corpa and his associates is uncovered to justify their beatification. This would, of course, require proof of at least one "miracle" in their names.

Frodo does not believe that a miracle took place in 1597. It would have been a miracle if the Spaniards had left the Guale well enough alone in their own land. The striking parallel is that 409 years have passed, and the quality of leadership has not changed much at all. The invention of mosquito repellant has not improved the judgment of self-righteous ideologues who eventually even piss off those they try to help.

Besides, Saint George is already taken.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:25 PM EDT
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Saturday, August 5, 2006
I Wonder, Wonder Who
Mood:  d'oh
Topic: "Graffiti Government" (2)

Should someone ask, Frodo has been considering how he would resolve the mess that has been made of Middle Earth.  It started, he believes, with the single most memorable phrase in any of the collected speeches mouthed by George W. Armstrong Custer Bush.  The "Axis of Evil" was, in all honesty, not really that outrageous a concept when defined as the most visible threats to peace and stability.  The allegation that Iraq, Iran, and North Korea were somehow linked as part of a global network of anything other than stupidity was a dumb idea then, and it is a dumb idea now.  What is even more bizarre is the approach taken to deal with each of the points of conflagration.

Much has been written and broadcast of late about the differences between the "Iraqi Nation" and Iran.  So let Frodo voice his ideas using North Korea, wrapped in its' own enigma,  to serve as his point of demonstration.

North Korea is an entity that thrives on its' isolation.  Very few know anything at all about the people there, much less what they think, or how they live.  The government, which truly is a less than benevolent oligarchical dictatorship, maintains its' power because it insulates the citizenry from the outside world.  The only information they get is that whatever lies outside their borders is a large and festering threat to the immediate health and safety of those protected by the great leader.     All North Koreans fear the outside world because they believe that the outside world wants to steal their cache of rotting cabbage.  

The current philosophical approach taken in order to deal with North Korea is, ta da, that's right, isolation.  Every time North Korea does something to piss somebody off, the first, and only, suggestion, is to embargo, blockade, or otherwise punish the government.  Would it not, argues Frodo, make more sense to merely pack up all the excess grain, corn, and other agricultural products which are maintained by the world's largest food producer and deliver them to the Chinese-North Korean border?  At that point set up a sound system, and begin broadcasting into North Korea that people can come and get all the free food they want.  Eventually, even the North Korean Army would find itself bereft of troops willing to prevent starving people, including themselves, from this largesse by the "demons" from the outside.  In time, and at very little cost to the outside world, the North Korean government would have to change its' proverbial tune, or the people would change it for them.

North Korea would be confronted, in this suggestion, as a single entity, and not as part of some cabal of faceless sub-human creatures.  It is evidently quite difficult for the authors of the "Axis of Evil" to recognize that these are human beings, and not Orcs.

That, dear reader, is Frodo's suggestion.  In order to deal with the human problems that confront all of Middle Earth, we must first set our own minds to deal with other people and to recognize that their needs are not really that different from our own.  Lamentable it is that the present course was set in motion by those who were similarly isolated within their own borders.    

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 5:14 AM EDT
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Wednesday, August 2, 2006
Come on People Now, Smile on Your Brother
Mood:  sad
Topic: "As Far As We Know" (2)

Marine Corporal Phillip E. Baucus, 28, was killed in the line of duty in Iraq this past Saturday.  His uncle, United States Senator Max Baucus (D-Montana), made the announcement on Tuesday.

"As far as we know," said Frodo to Sam, "Corporal Baucus is the only family member of any Member of Congress, any Justice of the Supreme Court, or of any elected or appointed official in the Adminstration itself, who has been a casualty of the Pre-Emptive War."  

"As far as we know," said Sam, "his nephew was very dear to him."

"As far as we know, he will be interred in Arlington," said Frodo.

"As far as we know, the President of the United States will be on vacation at his ranch in Crawford, where he goes every August," added Sam.

"As far as we know, George W. Armstrong Custer Bush will go down in history as one of only two Presidents who failed to attend a single military funeral during his term of office," offered Frodo.  Sam had a  quizzical look for Frodo.

"Bill Clinton?"

"Clinton attended services for the young men killed in Somalia."

"George Washington?"

"As far as we know, Washington attended services for several military officers who had served under him during the Revolution."

"Who, then?"

"John Tyler."

"Well, as far as we know," said Sam, "Bush feels that his presence would be a 'distraction' for the family of the decedent.  What was Tyler's reasoning?"

"At his Inauguration Tyler suffered exposure to the severe winter weather, caught pneumonia, and died within thirty days."

"Mister Frodo?"

"Yes Sam?"

"Do you think we could stand together for just a few moments in honor of Corporal Baucus?"

"As far as we know Sam, we will not stand alone."  




Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:47 PM EDT
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Tuesday, August 1, 2006
Bird Bird Bird, Bird is The Word
Mood:  lucky

"Mister Frodo, what is that bird doing there by your foot?," asked Sam.  Frodo was totally oblivious to the inquiry, but glanced to his left to see a yellow hook-beaked bird looking up at him, expecting some sort of attention.  Frodo slowly extended his arm and index finger toward the feet of the bird, and it promptly roosted on his finger.  Thus began the odyssey of a new species residing in the Shire.

 "Peeper" was later identified as a Lutino cockatiel which, according to the Vet, was worth about $80.  The Pet Shop increased the capital investment exponentially, since cages, toys, food, treats, vitamins, and medicines for avian residents were not part of the pet arsenal.  The lovely lady spoke her name most distinctly, and was quickly accepted by all residents.  Rocky and Punkin', the feline contingent at the time, thought she was interesting, but of little consequence to the monarchy.  Everyone else just admired her graceful swoops throughout the kitchen area, and watched as she taught Frodo how to play the "Peepie Game" (during which she would open her mouth in a yawn, then wait for Frodo to respond in similar fashion, before her beak was agape again, again, and again).

Distress built around the eggs, however.  Peeper would lay two or three eggs, and  then act every bit the expectant mother over the infertile progeny.  Time and time again, until both Frodo and Sam realized that she required companionship more than popcorn.  The Pet Shop owner identified Frodo on sight and immediately began computing the cumulative numbers now required for the purchase of a top-of-the-line Cadillac.  Although Peeper was probably four or five years old at this point, the Pet Shop only carried younger birds.  The predominantly grey cockatiel to be known as "Sydney," (reflective of his native land) was only six-months old.

There are probably laws which apply to the sexual exploitation of juvenile birds, then again Peeper was only training Sydney  to develop the necessary skills of parenthood.  At least that could be a valid argument.  What was truly unique about the relationship that developed was that Peeper would never again talk to Frodo, or to Sam.  Peeper and Sydney, although they would never raise a family together, became inseparable mates in the cage.  They would groom each other for hours on end, and over the years it became obvious that Sydney had discovered a purpose for all his tools.

The inevitable occurred one morning when Peeper was found at the bottom of the cage.  Frodo and Sam had worried about this moment, and were sure that Sydney would begin to grieve uncontrollably.  After the ceremony in the Garden of the Shire, Sydney commenced his daily routine.  It was almost as if nothing had changed.  That is, until Sam noticed Sydney bowing his head alongside the yellow feeder in the cage, waiting for it to begin grooming him.  He squawked in frustration.  Whenever he felt the need, he would bow his head alongside the yellow feeder.

 Over time, Sydney realized that he could perch on the shoulders of Sam or Frodo, and eventually one of the dullards would begin to groom him with a finger tip.  He also discovered that Rocky, the aging and harmless remaining feline in the Shire, was a warm pillow next to the water dish on the floor.  The historical enemies became a source of comfort to each other.  Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog, began to realize that when Sydney landed on a table that meant he had spotted something edible.  He, to this day, will pick up whatever it may be, and carry it to the edge of the table and drop it to the floor below for the enjoyment of his flightless friends.

The loss of Rocky, and the entry of Mr. Beau Neau as his replacement has changed the rules somewhat.  The cat does not know what to make of the fearless aviator who seems intent on sharing his bowl.  Frodo and Sam are very wary.  The biggest change has been the loneliness.  Sydney, when suddenly he realizes that he is all alone, will begin to scream until someone, anyone, comes to pay him homage or to cover the cage promptly at 6:15 regardless of the time of year.  The subsequent discomfort for Sam, who is home while Frodo toils at Mount Doom, is too much to bear.   A declaration has been issued that there will be no further avian additions to the Shire.

 The exception to the rule would be in the event that a baby mourning dove should fall from a nest.  That, dear reader, requires an explanation for another time.



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:55 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, August 1, 2006 9:59 PM EDT
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Sunday, July 30, 2006
Her Lips Are Like a Volcano When It's Hot
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
There are nights when Frodo has dreamed about the languor of magnolia and its' aromatic presence on a hot summer evening. Sometimes the wild mimosa enjoins its' presence, and coupled with a sprig of mint that touches the nose as the head is tilted back, the beads of sweat and the buzzing tiger mosquitos are overlooked by memory. That is unless one is actually experiencing all of that, rather than dreaming about it. At that point one might actually begin to wonder what the gardens of the Shire would be like dressed in a gown of snow.

Frodo is a Southern Hobbit. The smells and tastes of the Shire affect Frodo as did those of Mississippi for William Faulkner and Willie Morris, Alabama for Harper Lee and Truman Capote, and the Georgia of Ferrol Sams and Flannery O'Connor. Condi Rice is of the neighborhood too, and seemingly driven in her ambition by the same experiences. Her mercurial rise to the highest position ever attained by a black female in any Presidential administration is a source of pride to all who have experienced the same smells and the same tastes.

Southern writers have been sexual deviants, alcoholics, social misfits, and journalists. Perhaps descriptions of life on a riverbank, or sex on sheets wetted against the heat, require an attention to detail that comes from experience. Similarly, for one involved in sensitive negotiations between warring factions, it may be that the naivete bred by success after success in life sets one up for colossal failure. The detail required is absent when one has not experienced the vagaries of treacherous relationships with friends or enemies.

Today, Condi Rice was filmed playing "kissy face" with the Israeli Defense Minister, a full eight hours after the Israelis had bombed the City of Qana in Lebanon. Rice was not aware when she went to the meeting, nor was she informed by her Israeli hosts, that many innocents had been killed, including dozens of children. The Arab world is outraged, all of the "allies" of the United States have issued condemnations of the Israeli action, and the United Nations is standing on the high ground looking down on the United States. The Prime Minister of Lebanon has refused, for now, to meet with Rice.

Frodo likens what happened to the Secretary of State to a case of rectal rape. The Israelis realized that the bombing was a mistake, but they could not risk losing the apparent blessing of the Bush Administration. Recognizing the history of Rice, and her "husb," in being unprepared, they held their scheduled meeting with Rice as if nothing had happened. While she stood there, shaking hands and smiling, with the Israeli Defense Minister, CNN and Faux News were with all the rest of the media who were broadcasting the bodies wrapped in plastic.

Now that she knows that she has been taken advantage of, she is thinking about coming home. Maybe she ought to take the bus. She could open a window and maybe she'd start smelling the coffee. Until then, she's just one more loose lug nut on a vehicle careening out of control, heading toward a very deep ditch.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:44 PM EDT
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Thursday, July 27, 2006
Every Time I Try to Tell You, The Words Just Come Out Wrong
Mood:  lazy
Topic: "Vacation Comin'" (2)
"Well Laura," he drawled, "here it is, almost August again, and time for our month-long vacation on the ranch. Ummm Ummm, I can almost taste the hot dogs and freedom fries."

"George W. Armstrong Custer Bush, do you think we really ought to spend so much time away from your job?"

"Darlin', you know that the Congress shuts down and them boys go out to get money and to play kissy-face back home. The newsboys go on vacations, re-runs are on the tube. Shoot, even the Supremes disappear until October, so why shouldn't we go and catch up on some of the important stuff we have to do around the ranch?"

"Well, you remember what happened last time? There we were flyin' back home after that awful Hurricane, and all those reporters were there taking your picture looking down on the floodwaters in New Orleans."

"I know, but Brownie's not around to screw up anything like that this time, and Snow-Job has replaced the little bald guy. Say what was his name, anyway? Snow-Job will put all the newsboys in a separate plane and pipe in the Faux News Channel to them all day. They'll sleep like babies, no matter what happens."

"I swear George, you ought to remember all that happened in August of 2001 while we were on vacation. That nasty bunch on the 9/11 Commission almost got you to admit that you weren't paying attention to the threats while you were on vacation for an entire month."

"Yeah we were kinda lucky that they allowed me and Dick to testify together, in secret, 'bout all that stuff. But you gotta admit Laura, that was probably the best thing for all of us, it got us re-elected."

"George, why don't we do something different this August? Just the two of us! We'll go somewhere exotic and . . ."

"Exotic? What are you tryin' to do, look like Monica Lavvinsky or somethin'?"

"I meant someplace exciting, not something dirty. You know, like maybe to Australia, or to Scotland?"

"You mean where the men wear them little dresses?"

"Kilts, George."

"Kilts, Schmilts. I'm jes' lookin' forward to cuttin' some brush, ridin' my mountain bike, and maybe tippin' a few for old times sake."

"Same old story, eh? You tip a few for three weeks, and then you have to spend a week de-toxifying."

"Now darlin', you know I've been under a lot of pressure, and the American people want their President to relax and have some time to ponder the great issues of our time."

"And what do you propose that I do while you're having the exact same vacation again?"

"Well what did you do last year?"

"You mean you don't remember?"

"Oh sure, I remember, I remember. I remember everything. You think that crazy old hippie Mother will be camped out front again?"

"George, what are you going to do if this stuff in the Middle East blows up big time?"

"Now Laura, Dick and Condi can handle all that. Condi will go anywhere, any time, whenever I need her, as long as they sell women's shoes in the town. And Dick, Dick has promised me he won't even drink a beer while I'm gone, and his buddy Novack will be on vacation, so he won't have anybody to even talk to."

"Well, it's no use arguing, since you've got your mind made up, as usual. I guess I'll call the girls and see if they can't come and spend a few days with us."

"Girls? What girls?"

"Your daughters damn you, or have you forgotten them, too?"

"Oh no, I remember, I remember. Wasn't one of them kinda sensitive about me givin' her a neck rub a week or so ago?"

"That was the Prime Minister of Germany."


Frodo interrupts this episode of "As the White House Turns," for it is time for the President's nap, and Mrs. Bush has to see to the packing. Join us next time when Laura finds the bottles of Jim Beam in the doomsday briefcase.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:24 PM EDT
Updated: Thursday, July 27, 2006 9:41 PM EDT
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