Every Time I Try to Tell You, The Words Just Come Out Wrong
Topic: "Vacation Comin'" (2)
"Well Laura," he drawled, "here it is, almost August again, and time for our month-long vacation on the ranch. Ummm Ummm, I can almost taste the hot dogs and freedom fries."
"George W. Armstrong Custer Bush, do you think we really ought to spend so much time away from your job?"
"Darlin', you know that the Congress shuts down and them boys go out to get money and to play kissy-face back home. The newsboys go on vacations, re-runs are on the tube. Shoot, even the Supremes disappear until October, so why shouldn't we go and catch up on some of the important stuff we have to do around the ranch?"
"Well, you remember what happened last time? There we were flyin' back home after that awful Hurricane, and all those reporters were there taking your picture looking down on the floodwaters in New Orleans."
"I know, but Brownie's not around to screw up anything like that this time, and Snow-Job has replaced the little bald guy. Say what was his name, anyway? Snow-Job will put all the newsboys in a separate plane and pipe in the Faux News Channel to them all day. They'll sleep like babies, no matter what happens."
"I swear George, you ought to remember all that happened in August of 2001 while we were on vacation. That nasty bunch on the 9/11 Commission almost got you to admit that you weren't paying attention to the threats while you were on vacation for an entire month."
"Yeah we were kinda lucky that they allowed me and Dick to testify together, in secret, 'bout all that stuff. But you gotta admit Laura, that was probably the best thing for all of us, it got us re-elected."
"George, why don't we do something different this August? Just the two of us! We'll go somewhere exotic and . . ."
"Exotic? What are you tryin' to do, look like Monica Lavvinsky or somethin'?"
"I meant someplace exciting, not something dirty. You know, like maybe to Australia, or to Scotland?"
"You mean where the men wear them little dresses?"
"Kilts, Schmilts. I'm jes' lookin' forward to cuttin' some brush, ridin' my mountain bike, and maybe tippin' a few for old times sake."
"Same old story, eh? You tip a few for three weeks, and then you have to spend a week de-toxifying."
"Now darlin', you know I've been under a lot of pressure, and the American people want their President to relax and have some time to ponder the great issues of our time."
"And what do you propose that I do while you're having the exact same vacation again?"
"Well what did you do last year?"
"You mean you don't remember?"
"Oh sure, I remember, I remember. I remember everything. You think that crazy old hippie Mother will be camped out front again?"
"George, what are you going to do if this stuff in the Middle East blows up big time?"
"Now Laura, Dick and Condi can handle all that. Condi will go anywhere, any time, whenever I need her, as long as they sell women's shoes in the town. And Dick, Dick has promised me he won't even drink a beer while I'm gone, and his buddy Novack will be on vacation, so he won't have anybody to even talk to."
"Well, it's no use arguing, since you've got your mind made up, as usual. I guess I'll call the girls and see if they can't come and spend a few days with us."
"Girls? What girls?"
"Your daughters damn you, or have you forgotten them, too?"
"Oh no, I remember, I remember. Wasn't one of them kinda sensitive about me givin' her a neck rub a week or so ago?"
"That was the Prime Minister of Germany."
Frodo interrupts this episode of "As the White House Turns," for it is time for the President's nap, and Mrs. Bush has to see to the packing. Join us next time when Laura finds the bottles of Jim Beam in the doomsday briefcase.
Posted by loveysdaddyga
at 9:24 PM EDT
Updated: Thursday, July 27, 2006 9:41 PM EDT