Topic: "Unconventional, you say?"(7)
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Frodo the Magnificent will guess the question from the answers on the paper inside this envelope which has been stored in a hermetically-sealed mayonnaise jar on the back porch of Funk & Wagnall's since Noon today."
"Alright dog breath, and may a camel with dropsy fly up your nose."
"And the answers are. . .a drum roll if you please. . .1960, 1964, 1968, and 1980."
"Hmm, 1960, 1964,1968, and 1980. Are those the years in which your ex-wives respectively filed for divorce, oh anointed one?"
"And may the Great Speckled Bird fly in condescending and descending circles until it disappears in a swishing sound into the hands of your wife's attorney, too."
"Please, oh Lion of Libya, inform us of the question to which the answers are 1960, 1964, 1968, and 1980."
"What three Presidential Nominating Conventions even remotely offered the potential for theatre as great as does the 2012 Republican Convention?"
"Is this a serious question?"
"In 1960, the Democratic Nominee for President, Adlai Stevenson, threw the issue of a Vice-Presidential contender to the floor, and Estes Kefauver defeated the junior Senator from Massachusetts (in the only election he ever lost), John Kennedy. It was a hoot!"
"In 1964 the Republicans, in turn, decided that Barry Goldwater, with vice as a virtue, would upend Nelson Rockefeller for the Presidential top-spot simply because he had married a divorcee named Happy. Republicants it seemed, believed in the sanctity of the institution of marriage, that is untiil Reagan, and Nancy, came along."
"In 1968, the Democrats, again, battled on the floor of the convention and in the streets of Chicago outside before settling on George McGovern and Tom Eagleton as their ticket, and McGovern was set up to offer his acceptance speech beginning at 1:30 AM (2:30 in the East), later to discover that Eagleton had received "electric shock therapy" and Sargent Shriver was hand-picked as the last man standing for the Veep nomination."
"Then, in 1980, Jimmy Carter, the incumbent Democrat, faced a floor challenge from Ted Kennedy, and the fearful Democrats proceeded to disembowel themselves amongst the 21% interest rates, and the 400-plus days of hostage-holding in Iran."
"These great spectacles whimper in silence as we contemplate Herman Cain and Ricky Perry, sharing 29% of the Republican faithful, and Mitt Romney accounting for another 17%. Can you imagine how this collection of racists, morons, clowns, and losers are going to deal with 56% of a party faithful which calls themselves a "Tea Party"? Frodo is bouncing up-and-down, from left foot to right, as he recalls the greatest of cheers from another Convention, in another time."
"Can you say, 'Four More Years'? If so, then recognize that it will take the Republicants at least that long to make a decision.
Amanda Knox looks like a winner to Frodo.