Mood:  special

Frodo announced this past week that his wounds had taken a great toll, and that he would soon end this phase of his daily climb up Mount Doom, and that said action would take place by the end of the year.  Today, the President of the United States of America announced that the War in Iraq was over, and that all of our troops would be returning home by the end of the year.

Well damn, had he known that, Frodo would've landed a jet on an aircraft-carrier and announced  "Mission Accomplished," if that's what it would have taken to bring everyone home to Middle Earth, and not through Dover.

Frodo is having great difficulty in walking a straight line between his long-directed hostility toward those who made this foreign policy disaster a reality, and his desire to say something funny, to lighten the mood, if you will.  Recognizing the futility therein, he accidentally learned of a new book, or whatever one calls something on an IBook (whatever that is), called "Ten Letters," written by a Washington Post reporter Eli Saslow (which Frodo will pronounce as if someone had asked him to not talk quite so fast). 

"Ten Letters," is written about the ten letters that the President has selected from the roughly 20,000 pieces of correspondence received daily addressed to the President from just everyday folks, who find some reason to write to him, be it for assistance, an opinion, or just because they are worried about his hair turning gray.  Saslow says, slowly, that the President often responds in a handwritten letter and, in some cases, he has even sent personal checks, simply because somebody needed a helping hand.

No kiddin'

What an absolutely cool idea.  It makes Frodo remember Johnny Carson, and his annual opening of letters addressed to Santa Claus at The North Pole which the much-maligned USPS decided to forward to him to read.  There was always a letter from a kid, with not much beyond a big heart, who asked Santa for something for his sick Momma, or the kids across the hall who didn't have a Dad.

Frodo wonders what the President might do, if Frodo sent him a check in order to supplement his largesse or to spread some assistance just a little bit wider?  Frodo would trust his President to exercise his judgment, and maybe he could help those kids, you know, the ones "across the hall."

Stay tuned.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:37 PM EDT

Updated: Friday, October 21, 2011 9:53 PM EDT

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Mood:  sharp

Disdain is probably an appropriate word to describe Frodo's feelings whenever a political candidate starts talking about the "Founding Fathers."  In recent days John Quincy Adams, the 6th President, has been identified by one weak-minded twit as a contemporary of Adams, Jefferson, Washington, Franklin, Madison, Henry, Hamilton, and yes, even Aaron Burr.  What really begins to grind his butt is when one of the current escapees from a Psych Ward talks about what the FF (as we will identify them for future reference) believed or how they behaved.

Nearly every educated voter is aware of the fact that Thomas Jefferson was not only a slave owner, but he found special pleasures therein.  Few know however, that Jefferson also arranged for a chamber to be constructed to a depth of 16 feet below the newly-constructed "White House" in order to store his wine collection.  Franklin, Hamilton, and Burr, at the very least each made Bill Clinton's shenanigans seem mild, as they cuckolded in every direction, and in nearly every position.  

It would probably be disputed by nearly each of those who would be President that the newly-enacted Constitution was under constant threat of change, since nearly every political figure of the time thought the document to be imperfect and imprecise.  The current set of pretenders have already found instances appropriate to the allegation that the FF were devout Christians and that seeking God's wishes for a Christian Nation was the end-plan by the time of the coming election.  It is difficult to even imply Christianity given the writings of the individual FF, and most certainly the Deism of Jefferson suggests that the Constitutional references to an active Supreme Being  are inconsistent, at best.

It is not Frodo's intent to besmirch the good works and the sacrifice of those who risked "sacred life, honour, and fortune."  It is his point that we, dear reader, tend to somehow impose our values on the facts as they took place.  This leads him to the point of what follows herein, and what that is will be quoted to the end of this piece, and Frodo will offer no additional commentary.  Frodo will merely suggest that each read and consider, taking into consideration events taking place in Middle Earth as we speak.  Understand we must that the problems we face have been confronted before and most likely, to be confronted again by those who learn not.

"In 1785, when Jefferson was Ambassador to France, he wrote James Madison a revealing letter from the royal palace of Fontainebleau, where the king and queen were enjoying the hunting season.  Jefferson told Madison how, while strolling in the countryside, he had met a ragged woman who had two children to feed and no bread.  Jefferson described the vast acreage of the king's demesne and told Madison he thought the grossly unequal distribution of property that prevailed in aristocratic Europe was a curse.  They must see to it that it never happened in America.  The earth was given as 'a common stock for men to labour & live," Jefferson declared.  The future happiness of America depended on giving as many people as possible at least 'a little portion' of land.  "The small landholders,' Jefferson wrote, 'are the most precious part of a state.'" --from "Duel, Alexander Hamilton, Aaron Burr and The Future of America," written by Thomas Fleming, 1999.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:26 PM EDT

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Mood:  crushed out

Frodo was again asked "the" question.  Again, he was appreciative, flattered, and dismissive.  Frodo might enjoy helping run a campaign, for somebody else, but he would be less effective than his friend "Falzone for America."  Frodo might also compose a lot of good arguments to help support the best candidate in almost any electoral contest, but Merry of the Fellowship is a professional and would grab the jugular of the lesser opponent and rip it out of the physical body.  It is not that Frodo lacks leadership skills or the qualifications to meet such a challenge, it's just, well, he likes talking to himself.

Frodo, understand this dear reader, is no Tom Eagleton.  Frodo likes sitting atop a keyboard and telling it what he wants it to say in response.  Sometimes, he has found, he comes up with some pretty solid stuff, and that comes without having any idea where he was going when he started to type.  If Frodo were not tone deaf, he could aver that he composes, musically, and that the lyrics come tied to a tune, or vice-versa.  Frodo imagines, for example, that Pete Seeger knew what the words were going to be, and that he placed the music with the flowers picked by young girls, every one.  Frodo does something similar, and that is why a few words from the artistry of this generation open the mind of the reader herein.

It has been argued that Frodo does not have the courage (he will not argue if the word "money' is used instead) exhibited by those who do run, even if they are buffoons.  One said, specifically, that all of Frodo's "big words" become "just talk," if he does not stand up for the working man, or those who fall well below the 1% level that so many young people reference these days.

Doris Kearns Goodwin has, to Frodo's knowledge, never held political office.  Neither have Robert Frost nor Thomas Friedman, but who among us has failed to stop, and to listen, to what each has to say?  Frodo should be so fortunate to command the respect that the words that emanate from those keyboards elicit.  That is what Frodo wants, to make the reader do whatever he wants, to laugh, to cry, to think, and to come back time and again.

Besides, he could only run for re-election once, then he'd have to get a job.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:51 PM EDT

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Mood:  d'oh

Herman, or as Sarah Palin has said "Herbert," Cain would be flabbergasted to know that the identical pronunciation of his economic reform plan (9-9-9) into German is translated as "No-no-no."  Frodo took a few minutes out of a busy day in order to actually read some of this tripe, and he has to admit that it is even more bizarre than Cain himself. 

For those who have been on Neptune, or Kandahar, for the past week or so, they may have missed Cain's accelerating commentary on a tax reform package that consists of 9% corporate taxes, 9% individual income taxes, and 9% federal sales taxes.  Cain alleges that an employee of Wells Fargo in Ohio has assured him that the plan is viable.  The first problem noted is that it does not produce enough revenue to meet current demand.

That is an easily dealt with problem if one simply removes both Social Security and Medicare from the current federal budget, which is exactly what Cain suggests.  He adds that churches, state & local governments, volunteers, etc. should have the responsibility for meeting these needs, and that how they would accomplish this would be a testimonial to the exceptionalism of Americans.  Frodo notes that it would also require Divine Intervention.

The second problem deals with fairness.  We know now that Warren Buffet paid federal income taxes at a rate of 16.9% last year, and that under the 9-9-9 plan his taxes, and those of all who report under the vaunted "top 1%" total, would pay but 9%.  The 40% or so of Americans who make too little to provide for their families, and who now pay no federal income tax at all, would pay 9% of their gross income (since all deductions would be eliminated).  The result being that the onus shifts, truly, to the poor and the middle-class, while the wealthiest Americans get a pronounced tax cut.  Imagine, dear reader, a person living now on Social Security Disability, who would lose the income, and then be taxed on any largesse shown by their Church or friends.

Frodo stopped reading.  It is, as he has heard from Joe Scarborough (among others) that this guy Cain meets the true definition of "cowboy."  He is just making this crap up as he herds the cattle to slaughter. 

Notice how the most bizarre always seem to publish a book just about the time they go "rogue" or visit with a financial representative from a bank that received a TARP bailout?  Note also that it was Little Ricky's wife who said this evening, "Anybody who buys into 9-9-9 needs to call 9-1-1."

Amen, sister, amen.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:12 PM EDT

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Mood:  quizzical

In the time before time, Willard was the name of a TV weatherman who also masquaraded as a clown.  He became the foremost characterization of Ray Kroc, who needed an icon for his hamburgers and french fries.  Not long thereafter, "Willard" was the agnomen of a diabolical black rat who turned on cinema leadership after developing an appetite for human flesh.  Finally, there has come a politician, seemingly running an endless campaign to dispose of his inheritances, who also bears the moniker.  Search as he can, Frodo is unable to recall another instance of the name "Willard" during the tenure of Middle Earth.  Perhaps because the three are a clown, a rat, and a politician the logical assumption has become that prospective parents may do better by choosing something tamer than that which is shortened to "Mitt."

Frodo has this mental picture of the potential candidate for the Republicant nomination, wearing a pair of white shoes, white socks, white slacks, a white button-down shirt, and a white cardigan sweater, which bears a large blue monogram of the letter "W."  Showing all 162 of his pearly whites, he dances to the choreographed ditty which goes "Lean to the left, Lean to the right, Stand up, Sit down, Fight, fight, fight!"  This frog is a cheerleader, and nothing more.

The rat was a leader of other rats.

The clown laughed constantly, even though he may never have gotten the weather forecast correct.

Perhaps it is just as well that there are so few named "Willard," because complimentary characterizations thereof are few and far between.  Let us be grateful that our cheerleader doesn't commence with "Push 'em back, push 'em back, harder, harder. . ." in his own commentary on the collapse of our middle class-sciety.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:43 PM EDT

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Mood:  chillin'

An "Arab Spring" has given way to an "American Autumn."  Frodo infers that the predictable, if not observable, disappointment that follows a popular "coup d'etat" is indistinguishable from an aggregation of dreamers waiting in line at McDonald's in order to use the bathroom.  The fall of Hosni Mubarak now yields internecine conflict between Muslims and Coptic Christians, and Frodo foresees similarly the inevitable collapse of the tent cities that house those writing songs and carrying signs, "that voices never share."

Freedom is not inexpensive.  Access to freedom has been enhanced by information, or social media as some would call it.  What is not conveyed is how human beings deal with disappointment; disappointment in both the speed and the quality of reform.  What happens today in Cairo is sure to be repeated, in the near term, in all the lands that ring the Mediterranean.  What few realize is, that on a matter of scale, the same thing is taking place wherever there are people without jobs, frustrated by class favoritism, without the fiscal resources to join the "1%".

Eric "Eddie" Cantor has to be the reincarnation of Marie Antoinette.  To hear a politician refer to these people in tent cities as a "mob," is not far afield from a salutation as a "cult."  There is no evidence of rocks or Molotov cocktails in the air, which is not to argue that such will always be the case.  There is a need however to get in the face of those who have dominated the distribution of wealth, and to awaken them to the fact that the people of the tent cities are not terribly different from those who today seek to end the life of Qadaffi. 

Michael Bloomberg is an excellent Mayor of New York City, and he is as pragmatic as they come these days.  He feels, strongly, that all of this will just "go away" when the weather turns colder, and moisture is in the air.  Frodo is not so sure.  To go home, with no job and no prospects, is not what "American exceptionalism" conveys.  It is Frodo's belief that increasing adversity threatens the pastoral umbrage that most take of those who sit in tent cities and disavow "greed" and any or all of the deadly sins.  Making love, this time, is not an alternative.

Somebody is going to do something stupid.  It happened to "bonus marchers," it happened to "freedom riders," and it happened in Chicago, when the chant became "The whole world is watching."  The whole world, it seems, is caught up in the broken promises, and the unimaginable avarice of those who felt that they could get away with it. 

Indeed, as the seasons change, as change they must, the promise of Spring now confronts the harsh reality of Winter.  The Ring has not been destroyed, and the threat to Middle Earth is as it was in the beginning of the book.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:26 PM EDT

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Mood:  vegas lucky

Frodo's barefooted feet were cold every single day for eight weeks.  Miserable enough was he that he pledged never to complain about hot, humid, and dry ever again, and fearful he became that he would break said promise.  Cool it was this day in the Shire, and Frodo was not the only one busily preparing for the coming end to the finest days of sky so blue.  Mostly it was the birds who will stay with Frodo in the months to come, but the transients, the squirrels, and the chipmonkeys watched the Hobbit trim, plant, and harvest.  Taking notes they were, remembering where the bright red berries would remain and the location of water and seed would be endless.

There is much in the Shire to please John Locke.  For there is a Social Contract that unites the diversity that will share each other in companionship, no matter their origin.  Perhaps it was in a setting like this that the great thinker first noted the need for sharing skills and resources, and he then applied that to the world of Man.  

Mick, the Wonder Dog, watches Frodo and drifts off into a nap when the breeze lightens and aromas grow still.  Fiona would have taken a position with physical contact upon the most comfortable appendage of the Hobbit, but alas, those days are gone (although there is the strangest sensation causing Frodo's foot to tingle).  Frodo does not mind sitting alone in the Gardens of the Shire, for Mick, the Wonder Dog, will siddenly wake up and realize that he has been absent without leave, and rush, as he can, to Frodo and seek forgiveness.  Such moments are appreciated beyond description.

Frodo has made a life's decision about the days to come.  His life is seasonal too, and he recognizes that he has wearied of the daily tasks that have consumed his resources.  In order to better serve Middle Earth, and to assure the destruction of the Ring, he needs to marshal the time, as Gandalf so wisely counseled him, to best use that which is given him.  Soon the telephone will grow silent, and those who sought the Hobbit for purposes other than that which serve but them will have to find another.  It will be an expansion of life's adventure, and it may drive Sam to drink.

Change, as the Hobbit says so often, is good.  Steve Jobs proved that, if one paid close attention to his words at Stanford.  It is time to step from one line, into another, and to do one's best to keep the feeders full and all the promises intact.  John Locke, methinks, would be proud of Frodo.     

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:51 PM EDT

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Mood:  irritated

Robert Jeffress, Senior Pastor of the First Baptist Church of Dallas, Texas, with more than 10,000 cretins in his pews every Sunday, is an asshole.

Frodo feels relatively secure in this opinion not simply because Jeffress lives in the ugliest city in America.  Frodo's fatigue with the megaplex of Dallas itself does not rival his disdain for the entirely artificial geographical collection of cow manure and fossil fuels which is the base for the northernmost territory of Mexico.  Texas is the point at which God places the tube when he feels the need to give the world an enema.  Frodo now knows that Brother Jeffress is not even allowed to hold the tube, for fear that because he himself is an asshole that God may get confused and insert the tube in Jeffress mouth.

It is the latter fact that partially explains why Brother Jeffress has taken it upon himself to distinguish the faith exhibited by Mitt Romney as that of a "cult."  Brother Jeffress, who identifies himself as "evangelical," would probably subscribe to the same credo as those who marched as soldiers going to war with the phrase "Gott mit uns."  The unanswered question to be asked would be if he were clad in either black or brown?

Frodo has known a number of people who happened to be Mormons.  Generally, he found them to be hard-working, devout, family-oriented, in great physical shape, and the kind of people he would welcome should they move into the grounds of the Shire.  Respecting their beliefs has nothing to do with any interest in content; remember, says Frodo, that was an argument put forth by those who performed the Spanish Inquisition.  Perhaps they, also, were evangelicals.

Frodo finds it hard to fathom that a needle-nosed lemur like Jeffress receives any credibility whatsoever based on the argument that every one of the 16,000,000 Southern Baptists is viewed more favorably by our Maker than is Mitt Romney, or any of the others who identifies himself as Mormon.   The last guy making such an argument had something to do with the words "Arbeit macht frei."

Frodo is willing to bet that Jeffress favorite singer is Hank Williams, Jr.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:46 PM EDT

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Mood:  celebratory

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Frodo the Magnificent will guess the question from the answers on the paper inside this envelope which has been stored in a hermetically-sealed mayonnaise jar on the back porch of Funk & Wagnall's since Noon today."

"Alright dog breath, and may a camel with dropsy fly up your nose."

"And the answers are. . .a drum roll if you please. . .1960, 1964, 1968, and 1980."

"Hmm, 1960, 1964,1968, and 1980.  Are those the years in which your ex-wives respectively filed for divorce, oh anointed one?"

"And may the Great Speckled Bird fly in condescending and descending circles until it disappears in a swishing sound into the hands of your wife's attorney, too."

"Please, oh Lion of Libya, inform us of the question to which the answers are 1960, 1964, 1968, and 1980."

"What three Presidential Nominating Conventions even remotely offered the potential for theatre as great as does the 2012 Republican Convention?"

"Is this a serious question?"

"In 1960, the Democratic Nominee for President, Adlai Stevenson, threw the issue of a Vice-Presidential contender to the floor, and Estes Kefauver defeated the junior Senator from Massachusetts (in the only election he ever lost), John Kennedy.  It was a hoot!"

"In 1964 the Republicans, in turn, decided that Barry Goldwater, with vice as a virtue, would upend Nelson Rockefeller for the Presidential top-spot simply because he had married a divorcee named Happy.  Republicants it seemed, believed in the sanctity of the institution of marriage, that is untiil Reagan, and Nancy, came along." 

"In 1968, the Democrats, again, battled on the floor of the convention and in the streets of Chicago outside before settling on George McGovern and Tom Eagleton as their ticket, and McGovern was set up to offer his acceptance speech beginning at 1:30 AM (2:30 in the East), later to discover that Eagleton had received "electric shock therapy" and Sargent Shriver was hand-picked as the last man standing for the Veep nomination."

"Then, in 1980, Jimmy Carter, the incumbent Democrat, faced a floor challenge from Ted Kennedy, and the fearful Democrats proceeded to disembowel themselves amongst the 21% interest rates, and the 400-plus days of hostage-holding in Iran."

"These great spectacles whimper in silence as we contemplate Herman Cain and Ricky Perry, sharing 29% of the Republican faithful, and Mitt Romney accounting for another 17%.  Can you imagine how this collection of racists, morons, clowns, and losers are going to deal with 56% of a party faithful which calls themselves a "Tea Party"?  Frodo is bouncing up-and-down, from left foot to right, as he recalls the greatest of cheers from another Convention, in another time."

"Can you say, 'Four More Years'?  If so, then recognize that it will take the Republicants at least that long to make a decision. 

Amanda Knox looks like a winner to Frodo. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:36 PM EDT

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Mood:  suave

Continuing with an (ahem) indepth analysis of the last Presidential Administration to produce a budgetary surplus, Frodo now presents a little Republicant masturbatory magic as he details the cuts to spending proposed by the Clinton Administration as they took control.  Following are the program cuts and revisions proposed over five years, or so.

Federal Crop Insurance ($551M)

Economic Research Service ($61M)

Trade Adjustment Assistance Program ($30M)

State Justice Institute ($51M)

Nuclear Reactor Research (None)

Advisory Commissions ($41M)

Rural Electrification ($374M)

Farmers Home Administration ($31M)

Bureau of Export Administration ($27M)

Health Profession Assistance Grants ($87M)

Wastewater Treatment Projects ($4.1B)

Appalachian Regional Commission ($20M)

Community Investment Program ($1.2B)

Tennessee Valley Authority ($188M)

Honey Subsidies ($32M)

Farm Subsidies ($1B)

Wool & Mohair Subsidies ($212M)

Savings from Program Cuts and Revisions, and from elimination of certain selected subsidies (cumulative):  $8.005B.  There were, of course, many other monetary issues involved, but these were cuts specified ahead of time.

During the Administration of George H.W. Bush (only 4 years, thank God), the deficit was increased by approximately $3Trillion.  The proposed spending reductions of the Clinton Administration identified above, represent about 3% of the increase in the deficit produced by the first, and, unfortunately, not the last, of the Bushes.  The fact that 8 years later the deficit was actually shrinking is a testament to substantive budgetary responsibility.  The elimination of Wool and Mohair subsidies in and of itself, was not enough to turn the ship of state. 

President Clinton would remark, after the mid-term elections, that he got the message, and "that the era of Big Government was over."

The Department of Homeland Security however wafted in the wings, and Wool and Mohair became fashionable once again.   About $9Trillion was being printed for something called the "Neo-Cons" (for those who have forgotten already, Frodo reminds you that they were the "Tea Party" with only the capacity to diagram sentences to distinguish them therefrom).    

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:46 PM EDT

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