Mood:  celebratory

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Frodo the Magnificent will guess the question from the answers on the paper inside this envelope which has been stored in a hermetically-sealed mayonnaise jar on the back porch of Funk & Wagnall's since Noon today."

"Alright dog breath, and may a camel with dropsy fly up your nose."

"And the answers are. . .a drum roll if you please. . .1960, 1964, 1968, and 1980."

"Hmm, 1960, 1964,1968, and 1980.  Are those the years in which your ex-wives respectively filed for divorce, oh anointed one?"

"And may the Great Speckled Bird fly in condescending and descending circles until it disappears in a swishing sound into the hands of your wife's attorney, too."

"Please, oh Lion of Libya, inform us of the question to which the answers are 1960, 1964, 1968, and 1980."

"What three Presidential Nominating Conventions even remotely offered the potential for theatre as great as does the 2012 Republican Convention?"

"Is this a serious question?"

"In 1960, the Democratic Nominee for President, Adlai Stevenson, threw the issue of a Vice-Presidential contender to the floor, and Estes Kefauver defeated the junior Senator from Massachusetts (in the only election he ever lost), John Kennedy.  It was a hoot!"

"In 1964 the Republicans, in turn, decided that Barry Goldwater, with vice as a virtue, would upend Nelson Rockefeller for the Presidential top-spot simply because he had married a divorcee named Happy.  Republicants it seemed, believed in the sanctity of the institution of marriage, that is untiil Reagan, and Nancy, came along." 

"In 1968, the Democrats, again, battled on the floor of the convention and in the streets of Chicago outside before settling on George McGovern and Tom Eagleton as their ticket, and McGovern was set up to offer his acceptance speech beginning at 1:30 AM (2:30 in the East), later to discover that Eagleton had received "electric shock therapy" and Sargent Shriver was hand-picked as the last man standing for the Veep nomination."

"Then, in 1980, Jimmy Carter, the incumbent Democrat, faced a floor challenge from Ted Kennedy, and the fearful Democrats proceeded to disembowel themselves amongst the 21% interest rates, and the 400-plus days of hostage-holding in Iran."

"These great spectacles whimper in silence as we contemplate Herman Cain and Ricky Perry, sharing 29% of the Republican faithful, and Mitt Romney accounting for another 17%.  Can you imagine how this collection of racists, morons, clowns, and losers are going to deal with 56% of a party faithful which calls themselves a "Tea Party"?  Frodo is bouncing up-and-down, from left foot to right, as he recalls the greatest of cheers from another Convention, in another time."

"Can you say, 'Four More Years'?  If so, then recognize that it will take the Republicants at least that long to make a decision. 

Amanda Knox looks like a winner to Frodo. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:36 PM EDT

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Mood:  suave

Continuing with an (ahem) indepth analysis of the last Presidential Administration to produce a budgetary surplus, Frodo now presents a little Republicant masturbatory magic as he details the cuts to spending proposed by the Clinton Administration as they took control.  Following are the program cuts and revisions proposed over five years, or so.

Federal Crop Insurance ($551M)

Economic Research Service ($61M)

Trade Adjustment Assistance Program ($30M)

State Justice Institute ($51M)

Nuclear Reactor Research (None)

Advisory Commissions ($41M)

Rural Electrification ($374M)

Farmers Home Administration ($31M)

Bureau of Export Administration ($27M)

Health Profession Assistance Grants ($87M)

Wastewater Treatment Projects ($4.1B)

Appalachian Regional Commission ($20M)

Community Investment Program ($1.2B)

Tennessee Valley Authority ($188M)

Honey Subsidies ($32M)

Farm Subsidies ($1B)

Wool & Mohair Subsidies ($212M)

Savings from Program Cuts and Revisions, and from elimination of certain selected subsidies (cumulative):  $8.005B.  There were, of course, many other monetary issues involved, but these were cuts specified ahead of time.

During the Administration of George H.W. Bush (only 4 years, thank God), the deficit was increased by approximately $3Trillion.  The proposed spending reductions of the Clinton Administration identified above, represent about 3% of the increase in the deficit produced by the first, and, unfortunately, not the last, of the Bushes.  The fact that 8 years later the deficit was actually shrinking is a testament to substantive budgetary responsibility.  The elimination of Wool and Mohair subsidies in and of itself, was not enough to turn the ship of state. 

President Clinton would remark, after the mid-term elections, that he got the message, and "that the era of Big Government was over."

The Department of Homeland Security however wafted in the wings, and Wool and Mohair became fashionable once again.   About $9Trillion was being printed for something called the "Neo-Cons" (for those who have forgotten already, Frodo reminds you that they were the "Tea Party" with only the capacity to diagram sentences to distinguish them therefrom).    

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:46 PM EDT

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Mood:  sharp

Frodo is in one of his moods, not surly mind you, but one of those instances where he does a lot of something over an extended period of time.  In this case it involves tossing lots of stuff, that which should have been tossed the first dozen or so times it was handled but which was mysteriously saved until the next mood took action.  Amid the fervor, he came across the "Nation" section of the ATLANTA JOURNAL-CONSTITUTION dated February 19th, 1993.

He had no idea, to anticipate your query, dear reader, that is until he opened it.  Therein he found the Economic Plan put forth by newly-ordained President William Jefferson Clinton, and its "impact" on Middle Earth.  What follows is the "reaction" shown by various groups to the new President's plan to grow the economy.

The Poor:  Most poor people are relieved that President Clinton is taking steps to protect them from tax increases and to help them with job training and social programs.

The Middle Class:  Some in the middle class resent not getting the promised tax break, but many more are glad to see a greater burden falling on the wealthy.  They know a healthy economy is in their best interest.

The Rich:  They don't seem particularly angry as a class.  They realize the deficit has to be brought under control, and they are the ones best able to handle the load.  Some even admit that tax cuts that favored the wealthy during the Reagan and Bush administrations may have gone too far.

The Elderly:  They criticized President Clinton's proposals to raise Social Security taxes and Medicare premiums.

Small Business:  Small business operators like the investment tax credit and capital gains changes but are deeply worried about tax increases, entertainment deduction cutbacks and paperwork.  Overall they favor deficit reduction and fear that spending increases will outstrip tax increases.

Large Business:  Big companies approve of deficit reduction and a shift in focus from consumption toward investment.  But these executives worry that a corporate income tax hike will stifle a nascent economic recovery--especially if the increase isn't mated to specific government spending cuts.

If what stands above surprises you, then listen to the following:  "Two Valdosta businessmen faxed a simple message to Democratic Rep. J. Roy Rowland, 'We'll support tax increases only if the spending cuts are two-to-one'."

Two-to-one?  In one of the Republican Presidential Election Candidate Debates earlier this year, all nine participants voted "NO" when asked if they would support tax increases with spending cuts of ten-to-one. 

Quite obviously, some things have changed, and some have not.  Newt Gingrich was House Minority Whip, and Monica Lewinsky was learning, well, how about practicing?

Frodo has much more to say about the Clinton Economic Plan from the documents at his disposal, and he thinks all your "rowdy friends" may find them of interest.  Let 'em know.  We do have to get Frodo out of his mood, and into something meritorious for a change, don't we? 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:09 PM EDT

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Mood:  accident prone

In April of the year 2010, Marine Captain Scott Sciple drove the wrong way on an Interstate Highway near Tampa and plowed head-on into another car.  According to court records, his blood alcohol level was more than three times the legal limit.  He had also earned three Purple Hearts and a Bronze Star for heroism in both Iraq and Afghanistan and had nearly died of blood loss resulting from a severe head trauma.  Earlier that evening Sciple had blacked out into a "disassociative episode" caused by brain damage and post traumatic stress disorder.

The driver of the other car was killed.  His name was Pedro Rivera, and he was a mechanic, driving home with his wife after helping a friend whose car had broken down.  Mr. Rivera is survived by his wife, two children, and three stepchildren.

Sciple is currently in Tampa's jail psychiatric ward award awaiting trial.  Prosecutors refuse comment.  Sciple's father received a telephone call from his son after the crash and he quotes his son thusly, "I don't know why I wasn't killed any of the times I was wounded.  I wish I had been.  At least it would have been honorable, and an innocent man would not have died."

The widow is angry at the military for failing to treat Sciple's disorder.  Remarkably, in September of 2010 the Marine Corps agreed with her and wrote internally that "It is folly to expect a wounded mind to diagnose itself, yet our Marines still depend on an anemic system of self-diagnosis and self-reporting. . .this investigation reveals a disturbing vulnerability in the support we provide our combat veterans suffering the invisible wounds of post traumatic stress disorder."

Frodo wonders if Capt Sciple would have been booed by the audience at the "Debate" held in Orlando a few days ago?  All he knows is that the statue purported to be that of blind justice in American courtrooms, really depicts something much more poignant.  The lady is not blind, but her eyes are flush with tears.  No matter how the toll is enumerated when the wars against terror cease, the total will omit two; shown here, known to few. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:06 PM EDT

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Mood:  lazy

There are six games remaining in the 2011 schedule of the gallant Braves against the world, and none of them are being played this evening.  Concomitantly, there is another of those infernal "debates," this time emanating from Florida, in which eight men and one woman seek to play Gotcha on beams delivered into the living rooms of those unfortunate enough to have lost favor with Netflix in recent days.  So illustrated is Frodo's quandary this eve, on some channels there is nothing worth watching, while on others there is nothing to be watched, and Frodo is not excited about either prospect.

Mick, the Wonder Dog, has drifted into his before bedtime nap.  Sam is reading a book on loan from the library which has something to do with Sweden, and does not appear interested in anything that might involve Frodo.  Considering the wealth of postings on favorite internet sites not recently reviewed by the critic du jour, it would seem logical that the Hobbit drop little pearls of wisdom for friends named Merry and Pippin, but he is even a little lackadaisical toward their talented and thoughtful musings.  So what does he do, dare you ask too?  He pushes and pushes and pushes the buttons on the remote control.

Chester A. Riley (played by William Bendix), used to say "What a revolting development this is," and Frodo is reminded of this phrase as he thrashes from news to sports to comedy to movies to reality (a misnomer, for sure) to advertisements for all the country music ever recorded or for the company that will buy all of your golden heirlooms.  Surely, he thought, that on at least one of the satellite stations there must be something that will challenge the Hobbit out of his malaise.

Since the end is in sight for further adventures in Space during the lifetime of the Hobbit, even the NASA Channel is merely broadcasting a picture of the Moon.  Frodo decides to hone in, and see if there is something digitally-enhanced which replaces the sheer spectacle of said lifeless rock from observation in the cool open air.  He immediately thinks of the story told by Jonathan Winters, perhaps the funniest man who ever lived, about working in a nearby hardware store.  One day, said he, a map of the Moon was found laying open upon a desk in the storeroom.  As he glanced thereon, he noticed a whole box of those little pushpins with plastic heads, in different colors, nearby, and that set his comic mind to work.  He took the map out and hung it in a prominent position above the cash register.  He then took a couple dozen of the little pushpins, all the red ones he could find, and he began to place them in random spots all over the map.  He then went about his chores just as several potential customers entered the store.

Eventually, one of the customers, each of whom was to be mimicked by the aspiring comic, came up to the register with his purchases and confronted the Moon map with red pushpins scattered thereabouts.  He whispered to Winters, "What's the story on the map of the Moon with the red pins in it?'

"What are you talking about?", responded Winters,

"Why, the map right there behind your head," said the customer.

"Are you feeling all right Oswald?" since that was the name of the shopper, "There's nothing back there."  As the staggered customer turned and walked away Winters pointed his finger at his own head and turned it like a gyroscope in the universally-accepted method to indicate less than rational behavior.

One-by-one, each of the customers received a different story from Winters.  To some, he acknowledged the presence of the map, but denied any significance which wasn't labelled "Top Secret" by the Air Force.  Slowly, as each customer left, Winters noted their return, with a neighbor or close friend in tow.  Before long, and as it approached closing time, the tiny hardware store was host to the largest crowd in that town in many years.  Nobody wanted to leave until they got a good look at the map and prepared themselves for future discussions about the Moon map in the hardware store.

Frodo smiled as he thought about the simplicity of comic genius, and the vicissitudes of human behavior upon which it is based.  He got up from his keyboard, and he wandered toward the black-and-white, now tuned in to the Republicant debate, and he pressed a few post-it notes (all red, of course) on the screen. 

A few minutes later, Sam entered the room.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:25 PM EDT

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Mood:  don't ask

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz are names that are swiftly succumbing to the pull of times past and the ignominy of non-recognition in the pace of change we are experiencing in all types of media.  For the sake of brevity, Frodo will merely point out that this husband-wife comedy combo whetted the appetites of those captured by the first step beyond radio.  The show, "I Love Lucy," was loosely based on the premise of a Cuban Bandleader and his red-haired wife with Irish roots in her red hair trying to make their way in 1950's Manhattan.  The producers had the wisdom to let the talented performers perform, and to take the rest of America with them as they moved to California, and eventually to a farm in New England.

"Little Ricky," their off-spring who was almost actually born on-air, was portrayed by an actor who took over the role of a growing boy on the show.  The actual "Little Ricky" briefly appeared some years later as part of a rock-n-roll group known as "Dino, Desi, and Billy."  History however was not kind, and little remains of his presence in the public discourse this day.

Oh incorrect you are if you believe all of that.  For Frodo has cast his investigative skills to the winds and discovered that "Little Ricky" is not far away from us at all.  Frodo believes that "Little Ricky" moved to Texas, and joined the political campaign of Albert Gore, Jr.   After that venture proved unsuccessful, he butted heads with the local power structure, and converted to Republicantism (which is sort of like a cross between Zoroastrianism and Hinduism, in that you have to keep talking about 'the good old days' and walk knee-deep in bullshit).  Since Texas is fertile ground for personas long on bullshit and short on substance, he quickly became governor.  That's right dear friends, "Little Ricky" is now the world's greatest living authority on appeasement, and kissing up to Jewish voters.

His parents would be so proud.

Frodo believes he goes to the same hairdresser as John Edwards.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:34 PM EDT

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Mood:  bright

Frodo's practice is to never make predictions, particularly when the political variables are so, well, variable.  Predictions are a self-fulfilling prophecy for those who combine a point in time with the short-term problems that seem to dominate the dialogue, at least when it comes to politics.  Perhaps that is why Frodo has not gone out-of-his-element to offer excuses, or to try to define a grand strategy in behalf of President Barack Obama.  He finds himself changing his own mind no less than twice per day as to the absence or the soon-to-be-appearance thereof.  Better, he feels, to sit silently and let others pass oral gas.

Rules are meant to be broken however, and Frodo feels like a few lines about the political landscape crafted by him may actually add some value.

Barack Obama is either the weakest leader in the history of mankind or he has developed a long-term strategic plan to establish a national course of action that will extend beyond his second term in the White House.  He will either be a one-term President, or he will be recognized as Lincolnesque for generations to come, or maybe Clintonesque if we don't get adequate rainfall in Texas.

Speaking of Texas, Frodo casts credit upon those who have coined the phrase "Read my lips, no new Texans."  As Frodo has noted before, 100% of the political figures who have made their way to Washington from the outback of Northern Mexico have been duds, at best.  John Connolly remains Frodo's prime example, since the late governor was the only Secretary of the Treasury in the entire history of our great land to declare personal bankruptcy.  Note that "Little Ricky" is running a $27B deficit, and has been described by political consultants to his own party as being almost as adept at forming complicated thoughts as a chimpanzee attempting to open a locked piece of baggage.

Frodo was struck this past week by the interview of former President Carter by Rachel Maddow.  He raised his eyebrows when he heard Carter say that the loss of support from that part of the American electorate which happened to be Jewish was the reason for his defeat by Ronald Reagan.  Considering that there are a whole bunch of people in New York right now, who are doing their darndest to force the US of A into an untenable position between the Israelis and the Palestinians, there is sufficient reason for progressives/liberals/rational citizens (pick one) to be alarmed.  There is however the saving grace of our buddy "Little Ricky" who has organized his thoughts as only he can in order to brand the President with the "appeasement" word he happened to discover when playing Scrabble with Bonzo at the Dallas Zoo.

The point, dear reader, is that there is more than a year to go before lines form outside government buildings not already shuttered in order to balance budgets.  Despite the unease, nay, the worry, that afflicts so many, the stock market DJI numbers reflect a gain of more than 5000 points since Obama took office.  There is no Henry Paulson out there to seek the end of judicial review.  GM is selling cars.  Frodo hasn't seen a pothole in the last 90 days or so. 

Frodo is full of hope.  He is also laughing his ass off at Sarah trying to avoid conversations about Glen Rice (anybody wanna bet that Todd has a little winkie?).  What is it they say Sarah, "Once you go black. . .?" 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:20 PM EDT

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Mood:  blue

There was a time when four friends strolled down the street named Bourbon in the city called Orleans, and in a sudden uncontrolled burst one began to shuffle and jive.   He was damn good.  Elbows moved consonant with knees, and feet flew in a montage of steps and slides that included Gene Kelly, Elvis Presley, and Michael Jackson.  A crowd formed all about, and Frodo swore that people laughed and pitched money in appreciation.  He was so damn good.

This day, the same four gather together but the street and the city are far different, and oh so far away.  A heart is giving out, and even the memories of those so carefree are threatened by the melding of electrical impulses into soft tissue.  Unfair it is, especially when there is so much to remember, especially because so much was so very damn good.

The four first gathered in an early model Mustang, Frodo and Sam in the back-seat, at a drive-in movie.  Frodo was being introduced into the group as the final member of the foursome.  It was awkward, for the Hobbit had needs, hormonal needs, and he didn't know how to behave.  Those in the front seat, Frodo learned later, were even more bereft, due to the fact that to actually sit and watch a drive-in movie was not something they had previously exxperienced, particularly with noises in the back seat.   Everything ever they had  done together was just so, so, well, damn good, and gay.

Hearts are broken in Poker and in love, but it just seems wrong for one to just give out.   Surrendering a full life doesn't correlate with the soft memories of friendship and the laughter of youth.  Surely the three who remain are not the only ones who recall  the dancing fool?  There are probably many who recall the nights when all hearts were young and gay, and dancing was something that just happened out there on the street because he was so damn good.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:45 PM EDT

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Mood:  lyrical

The wisest of Hobbits, Samwise by name, has gebnes which extend back through Rob Roy and William Wallace.  On several occasions, Sam has seen fit to travel with the clansman with whom there has been an acquaintance extending back before Frodo stumbled through the front door.  On one of these soirees, they had the good fortune to call a cab, and to ingratiate themselves to the driver.  As good things sometimes go, that is leading one to another, there began an extended and fruitful friendship.

Alan Scott writes songs.  He happens to love the "Nashville Sound," and is the greatest fan of one known to those of us on this side of the pond as Kenny Rogers.  Sam, upon hearing several of the tapes of the Scott, corresponded with an old friend in the music business, and arranged to get some air time with some talent judges in Nashville.  It, unfortunately, did not lead into the kind of Cinderella story we would love to tell, but it certainly cemented the relationship of a cabdriver in Edinburgh to a couple of silly Hobbits.

Sam has returned to Scotland several times, and Alan has provided introductions to his family as well as transportation to many things and places that tourists rarely see.  Even when travel has not taken place, the friends exchange great package gifts three or four times per year.  Sam generally receives a few books, calendars, and five or six CD's of marching bands or tenors warbling alleged lyrics in a dialect which only Sam seems capable of comprehending.  In return, Alan receives gifts for his daughters, golf balls from the Augusta National Country Club, and CD's of tenors warbling alleged lyrics in a dialect which Frodo stopped understanding when Hank Williams, Sr. died.

Sam has a CD in hand by somebody named Rafferty, and another by somebody named Doogie, who, according to Sam, did the original composition for Daniel-Day Lewis in "Last of the Mohicans" ("I will find you"), which is certainly one of Frodo's favorite movies and is always interrupted by Sam's reminder to Frodo of Doogie's involvement therein.  As Frodo listens to the lyrical presentation, he suddenly develops a taste for warm, dark beer.

"Here's to ya, Mr. Scott."  Maybe someday, Frodo will sit with you and watch the film "Chariots of Fire" and you can tell him of the "Flying Scot" and a land of Middle Earth that beckons all who breathe free air.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:05 PM EDT

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Mood:  not sure

Perhaps it started when one of the group was injured, and Frodo first noted him in a futile attempt to become airborne.  If nothing else was clear, the truth was that he could not keep up with the others, and they were reluctant to leave him alone.  It might also have been one or two of twelve other reasons, but Frodo will accept his current hypothesis as the most, well, romantic.

The Shire attracts an avian contingent throughout the year, and during a time of drought, like now, Frodo's bird baths receive special attention.  Songbirds join with squirrels, chipmunks, and the crows, if that's what they are, for Frodo has never been able to separate crow from raven.  The predators, including Beau Neau, are highlighted by the presence of hawks, who are continually screeching and circling above waiting for an appropriate opportunity.  The presence of the crows, or ravens, means a special operatic performance is at hand whenever it strikes their fancy to gang up on a hawk who may threaten their young, or the wounded comrade mentioned above.  There never really seemed to be that many of them, but now it appears as if a dozen or more are near at hand at all times.

It did not take Werner Von Brauhn to comprehend the squawking of the crows, or ravens, signaling the presence of a hawk.  Soon, every creature disappears from the birdbaths, and the first movement one sees is the armada of black congregating in a tall pine.  The hawk will usually then make a run for it, and the entire group screams into pursuit, save the wounded warrior who seems to direct traffic from his grounded position.

Frodo wants to quote E.A. Poe at this point, but his memory is captive to but a single line, repeated often enough that Frodo would rather remain silent.  He is sure now that these must be crows, since the silence he would imagine in a night's rookery, with this group, is nevermore. 

Frodo and Sam, accompanied by Mick, the Wonder Dog, are en route to Lake Lovey in order to engage the final long weekend of summer.  Frodo will not be communicating since his ancient personal computer has fried its' modem.  The "dial up" service he has there, is therefore de jure defunct.  He will return next week to the Shire and continue his dialogues.  

He expects to be the target of scorn from the tall pines, where those hide who have longed for a full birdbath and the servitude which accompanies.  They are probably Republicans. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:08 PM EDT

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