Topic: "Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Mister Frodo, is today the day when you've been granted an audience with the new Pope?"
"No, it's tomorrow after, of course, the College of Cardinals meet and vote on a new Father of the Holy See."
"The puffs of white smoke will rise toward Heaven when the leadership has decided who will ascend to the papal throne, and then after the first Papal Bull is issued, the Holy Father will extend audiences."
"Actually, the bull will just be hitting the fan. It is then that the Koch Brothers and the Investment Bankers of Bain & Company from Mordor will be first in line to receive the papal blessing, and to place their orders for service during the term of the favored candidate Pius Baloney I."
"So where do you fit amid this list of the powerful and the productive?"
"Frodo has a gift to bring."
"A gift? What could Frodo possibly lay before a King?"
"You mean, THE Ring?"
"Of course. After all, if the leading contender Pius Baloney I did indeed say that it was not his life's ambition to succeed to the throne, then he would be a worhy keeper of the Ring, in order to prevent the Koch Brothers and the Investrment Bankers of Bain & Company from Mordor taking over Middle Earth."
"Mr. Frodo, what has come over you? Have you failed to note that all of the contenders for the papal throne are flawed, including Pius Baloney I? Each of the contenders have proven unworthy, and especially Pius Baloney I. That is why it is so important that you continue to stand as you have, for Aragorn."
"Of course that is how Frodo feels, but how can he be expected to suffer the burden of the Ring, when he sees that many amid the lands of Middle Earth actually draw pleasure and favor from he who is Pius Baloney I, and his competitors? Perhaps they deserve Pius Baloney I."
"Mister Frodo, do not lose heart. You know, as do I, that Pius Baloney I will be seen as he is, traversing the Vatican without garments of any kind. The Riders of Rohan, the Men of Gondor, the Elves, the Dwarves, and a world of Hobbits will again stand with you before the Black Gate, for Aragorn."
"Orcs are many, and we are few."
"Look Mr. Frodo, the heavens are sent a message of black smoke. That means that no decision is this day reached, and that we still have time to save ourselves from Pius Baloney I."
"Then we will fight on dear Sam, and Frodo will see that the Ring does not fall into the evil hands of the Koch Brothers and the Investment Bankers of Bain and Company from Mordor. There will be no victory for Pius Baloney I this day."