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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
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"You Take the High Road"
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"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
His Blood Runs Through My Instruments
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Lox? Or Locks?" (7)

Frodo had established an exercise routine that took him to a gymnasium twice every week, and this had continued for more than four years.  Briefly, procedure dictated that once he changed from his street clothes, he would place them in a locker and snap his combination lock thereon.  When he returned from his workout, he would, from memory, spin the dial appropriately and retrieve his street clothes.  That is, that is how it took place until the day that Bilbo died.  Frodo could no longer recall the combination.

The ownership of the gymnasium was wise enough to keep a bolt-cutter for moments just such as these.

To this very moment, Frodo is unable to recall that combination.  Tonight, he was confronted with a question regarding a check written during the same time period, and he peered into the telephone handset as if it were the property of some alien force intent upon the consumption of brain matter in Hobbits.  Frodo rarely loses checks, but this was a mystery of time, as well as space.

Bilbo was convinced that lesser individuals, be they dark-skinned or Spanish-speaking, if not both, were intent on every imaginable felonious assault on the abode of Bilbo.  Every time there was a perceived threat, Bilbo would change every lock in the house.  Then Bilbo would lose one of the keys, and that meant that every lock would again be subject to change, and, since both Frodo and related Hobbits were great distances away, that meant that a set of keys would arrive, in the hands of a trusted postal person after every such incident.

When Bilbo's house was finally sold, it was no mean trick attempting to get appropriate keys to the trusted real estate property-disposer.  When finally able to end his involvement, Frodo disposed of several pounds of keys, and there is no exaggeration in this tale of woe by the Hobbit.  A few days ago, perhaps as the most subtle of jokes, Frodo received a package containing several pounds of keys.

How, if not where, to dispose of this final rememberance has confused Frodo as if it were a task of importance.  Perhaps he will take one key, each year, and include it in a Christmas card to she who sent him this gift.  Then again, he may put a key into each of the Christmas cards he sends, without explanation, thereby confounding everyone he knows.  More likely, alas, he will simply forget about this good idea, and leave all the keys in a single box, lock it, and throw away the key.  In the box there will be a note in Spanish. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:57 PM EST
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Sunday, January 15, 2012
I Come From a Land Down Under
Mood:  smelly
Topic: "Missionary Position" (7)

Only the area known as greater Salt Lake City contains a larger number of Mormons than does the area known as greater Washington, D.C.  Frodo, in his days before the Shire, grew up in the Nations Capital and, therefore not unsurprisingly, went to school with and got to be friends with, a goodly number of Mormons.  As a general rule, he found his peers to be in great physical shape, athletic, attractive, good students, and hard working.   They also did not drink or smoke, rarely danced, but seemed to have a tendency to produce babies during their teenaged years.  Frodo always somewhat assumed that there was a need to let off steam.

Frodo specifically recalls a brother and a sister whose paths crossed his own.  The sister was extremely attractive, and Frodo was filled with juvenile lust in her direction.  Frodo shamed himself more than once in his head-long pursuit thereof, teaching him the lesson that even the best of men will throw themselves in front of a train if the temptation is thus so great.  Frodo's association with the brother was certainly less intense, since he had to admit that much of that friendship was probably an avenue to potentially curry favor with his sister.

Soon after graduation from the highest school, Frodo's friend announced that he was going on a "mission."  Frodo intitially thought this was his friend's methodology to escape the "draft," which was a much greater threat than any today can imagine.  Beyond that, Frodo did not think much about a "mission," nor did he have much interest, since his lust had waned toward the sister of his friend in lieu of more achievable conquests.

As circumstances sometimes permit, Frodo found himself studying in Germany, not far from where his friend was involved in his "mission."  Note that Frodo was immune from the "draft" while his studies continued so Frodo became rather accomplished in that regard.  Frodo found where his friend was living, and went to visit him.  When he arrived, Frodo was also introduced to the team-mate (for want of a better term) who lived and worked with his friend on their religious endeavors.  There was an immediate and concentrated effort therein to "recruit" Frodo, and it did not sit particularly well with the Hobbit.  It also became abundantly clear that there was a very strong resistance to other religious groups who tend to recruit members from other denominations, most notably the "Catholics."

During the visit, Frodo lapsed frequently into the kind of jargon that dominates teenaged conversation, which often utilize words not suitable for mixed company, if you will.  It became very clear that the team-mate of Frodo's friend was uncomfortable with almost everything about Frodo, language notwithstanding.  After a single night with the two "missionaries," Frodo found an excuse to end the visit early and return to his studies.  Frodo has never seen, nor spoken with, his teenaged friend since those days so many years ago.  Frodo has always assumed that he was deemed to be "not worth the effort."

Frodo has thought a lot about Willard Romney of the Church of Latter Day Saints (LDS, to the uninitiated) and of Frodo's particular knowledge of the people and their motivations.  Frodo theorizes that Willard is on a "mission" (be it far different from the one oft-mentioned by Bros. Belushi and Ackroyd in "The Blues Brothers").  Willard, to Frodo, has taken on the task of bringing the "word" of Joseph Smith, the angel Gabriel, et al to the larger population of Middle Earth, and he will bear any burden, or pay any price in order to further that goal.  That includes saying anything, or advocating any position, regardless, in order to win that which he has set out to accomplish.

Frodo has no intention of documenting a treatise against the religious beliefs of others.  Nothing herein will be nailed to the front door of any church, synagogue, or temple.  Rather, Frodo simply offers, based on his own experience, that there are those among us in Middle Earth with a different agenda, and it is his opinion that Willard Romney is out there to help increase membership under the watchful eye of Gabriel and his horn.  To get there, he will say or do anything (and who is to say that he hasn't?).   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:49 AM EST
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Monday, January 9, 2012
When You Get Lost Between The Moon And New York City
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "Pius Baloney I" (7)

"Mister Frodo, is today the day when you've been granted an audience with the new Pope?"

"No, it's tomorrow after, of course, the College of Cardinals meet and vote on a new Father of the Holy See."

"I see."

"The puffs of white smoke will rise toward Heaven when the leadership has decided who will ascend to the papal throne, and then after the first Papal Bull is issued, the Holy Father will extend audiences."

"No bull?"

"Actually, the bull will just be hitting the fan.  It is then that the Koch Brothers and the Investment Bankers of Bain & Company from Mordor will be first in line to receive the papal blessing, and to place their orders for service during the term of the favored candidate Pius Baloney I."

"So where do you fit amid this list of the powerful and the productive?"

"Frodo has a gift to bring."

"A gift?  What could Frodo possibly lay before a King?"

"A Ring."

"You mean, THE Ring?"

"Of course.  After all, if the leading contender Pius Baloney I did indeed say that it was not his life's ambition to succeed to the throne, then he would be a worhy keeper of the Ring, in order to prevent the Koch Brothers and the Investrment Bankers of Bain & Company from Mordor taking over Middle Earth."

"Mr. Frodo, what has come over you?  Have you failed to note that all of the contenders for the papal throne are flawed, including Pius Baloney I?  Each of the contenders have proven unworthy, and especially Pius Baloney I.  That is why it is so important that you continue to stand as you have, for Aragorn."

"Of course that is how Frodo feels, but how can he be expected to suffer the burden of the Ring, when he sees that many amid the lands of Middle Earth actually draw pleasure and favor from he who is Pius Baloney I, and his competitors?  Perhaps they deserve Pius Baloney I."

"Mister Frodo, do not lose heart.  You know, as do I, that Pius Baloney I will be seen as he is, traversing the Vatican without garments of any kind.  The Riders of Rohan, the Men of Gondor, the Elves, the Dwarves, and a world of Hobbits will again stand with you before the Black Gate, for Aragorn."

"Orcs are many, and we are few."

"Look Mr. Frodo, the heavens are sent a message of black smoke.  That means that no decision is this day reached, and that we still have time to save ourselves from Pius Baloney I."

"Then we will fight on dear Sam, and Frodo will see that the Ring does not fall into the evil hands of the Koch Brothers and the Investment Bankers of Bain and Company from Mordor.  There will be no victory for Pius Baloney I this day." 






Posted by loveysdaddyga at 2:19 PM EST
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Sunday, January 8, 2012
Take It To The Limit, One More Time
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Ending Sams Patience"(7)

The house in the Shire sits upon a hill.  The gardens of the Shire slope downward from the rear, and that which was once known as a "deck" is now a full-fledged Florida Room.  Hobbits and their guests sit amid the canopy of the Dogwoods, bare at this time of year.

Sydney is the rarely-discussed avian who makes his home in the Shire.  During warmer weather, Sydney sits for hours just inches away from freedom, calling to those who speak languages not totally alien.  When Hobbits abound, and it is a tad warmer, Sydney will alight on the shoulder of Sam, and occasionally Frodo, and participate in conversation or eat potato chips which can be partially dispensed to canines beneath.

Such was the setting a few days ago when Sydney, with his back turned to the gardens of the Shire, sat atop the shoulder of Sam noting not that stealth was the weapon of a potential enemy.  It rose as a dark shadow, visible from a singular ocular point to Hobbits facing the gardens.  The immature Coopers (or Red-Tail, one cannot be too sure) hit the glass-enclosed screens with both talons drawn.  Bouncing off, the startled predator struck a second time, leaving a small rip in the screens protecting the glass.  At this point he sought a second breath on a limb less than a yard from the hand of Frodo.  The Hobbits were agog, and Sydney, the target, never knew how little separated him from an unwilling participation in snack-time at Hawk Haven.

In the days that followed, Sydney has been going through a bit of a personality change.  Perhaps it is the fact that Frodo seems to be in the environs more than in the past.  It could be that the shortness of the days has disassembled his internal clockings.  Then again, it could be the more frequent naps taken by his companion Mick, the Wonder Dog, that causes him to worry about life in the Shire.  Whatever, the result is the continuous shriek of a bird that needs the "Bird Whisperer."

Sam has suggested giving Sydney his freedom, knowing full well that "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose" (which makes Frodo wonder about what exactly JJ meant)?

Sam has also suggested giving Sydney to some sort of cockatiel rescue group.

Noted amid all of this is the fact that the shrieking is giving Sam pause, and only the assurance is offered that there will be no domesticated avian contingent in the next generation of residents in the Shire.  The possibility does exist, given Sam's current state of mind, that Sydney will spend more time in the Florida Room in order to become fully aware of the dangerous path he treads.

Few it is, thinks Frodo, who realize just how damn lucky we be.  Be glad Sam is on our side.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:47 PM EST
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Thursday, January 5, 2012
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Say Cheese"(7)

The past three years have witnessed the closing of 68 banks in the State of Georgia, more than any other.  Since states such as New York, California, Texas, and Florida are among those which are far larger than Georgia, academic questions are just as important as those which bear legal standing.  The resultant loss of jobs in Georgia is somewhat greater than 5400.  The fiscal loss to taxpayers, in fairness, is lessened by the fact that the FDIC is a self-insurance tool financed by banks themselves.

At its zenith, the company founded in Rochester, New York, by a man named George Eastman, employed 145,000 people in the manufacture of chemicals and film products.  Today, Eastman Kodak employs but 19,000 people, and the stock sells for less than a roll of film.  Most of the retirees will suffer significant reductions to the health and wellness benefits they earned through years of service.  Major facilities in places like Tennessee and Texas have already been sold off, or re-structured.  Bankruptcy is imminent.

This "restructuring" brings Frodo to his point.  Not unimportant it is that closing 68 companies in Georgia loses 5400 jobs, while closing just one in New York nets losses of about 126,000.  However, it is important to note that some of these losses are mandated by stupidity, rather than by technology.

Remember the name, dear reader, "RJR Nabisco"?  The result of huge merger and acquisition activity by corporate management and investment bankers (shudder), this "cigarette company," needed capital in order to develop a nictoine-free cigarette.  The easiest route to obtain enough capital was to buy another company, fix it up (as one might do with a foreclosed house these days), and sell it.  The way one "fixes up" an acquired company is to get rid of all the employees, and sell the assets to somebody who will re-staff the company with cheaper, if not foreign, labor.  That explains why a "cigarette company" bought a "cookie company," that is, to get cash, and to hell with the workers (and the cookies).

Frodo thinks it is important for people to know that one Willard Romney was such a performer during his years at Bain & Company (an investment bank).  He amassed net worth of approximately $157 million, making him the wealthiest single individual to ever run for the American Presidency.

Note that nobody ever produced a nicotineless cigarette.  Thousands of people lost jobs, and Willard got rich, "working in the real world."

For once in his life Newt Gingrich is right.  Romney is a liar, and worse.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:54 PM EST
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Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Big Girls Don't Cry
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Michelle, my Belle"(7)

Frodo rarely wastes two swipes of the artist's brush in a title and a topic of similar reference, however the magnitude of the return of the Hobbit to the cathode ray tube requires something akin to fireworks across the skies.  How else to emphasize an accountant's reference to "Obamacare" eleven times during the course of a concession speech? Rather than congratulate each of the seven male contenders who out-polled her, in her "Home State" no less, or to wish each of them well if not endorse one above the others, the "non-pol;itician" who has "represented" Minnesota for five completed terms left her class at the front door, again.

In the entire history of our small blue planet, no "Accountant" has ever been in a leadership position of any kind, except as one in charge of other accountants.  No accountant has ever been President.  No Accountant has been Secretary of State.  No Accountant has been Commissioner of the National Football Leage.  No Accountant has won an Academy Award.  No Accountant has ever walked on the Moon.

Curiously, the so-called "universities" named after or by Jerry Falwell, Oral Roberts, or Bob Jones (among others) produce an awful lot of accountants.  Michelle Bachman matriculated therein.  Perhaps, as Frodo surmises, that is because accounting is taught in absolutes, and that is characteristic of these students.  There are debits, or there are credits.  There is no gray, or anything in between.  God either said it, or he didn't.  There is nothing to be interpreted.

It is a good day when one with such a simple view of life slips back into the irrelevance of accounting.  One more step is taken toward the crest of Mount Doom.

It would've been a perfect day if the proverbial white woman with a stick up her butt hadn't tried to dance, again.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:37 PM EST
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Saturday, December 17, 2011
Ir's Been The Ruin Of Many a Poor Boy, God I Know I'm One
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "He Ate the Olive!"(7)

When the time came for the Hobbit to become a member of Sigma Eta Xenophon at the College of the Shire, he had absolutely no idea what to expect from the process known as "pledging."  He knew only that these were those with whom he wished to associate himself, and he was pleased and proud to be so affiliated.  It did not take long however, for those in his "pledge class" to jointly agree that there were certain boundaries across which they would not proceed.  That fact, above all others, is what unites them to this very day; it was not what they did, it was what they promised each other not to do.

After many sleepless nights, the primordial drumbeat of "Oompah, Oompah, Oompah-pa-pa" was a welcome refrain from the "Assume the position, Pledge."  Wearing only an athletic supporter, the Hobbit bounced foot-to-foot around what had to be a 50-pound block of ice, upon which there rested but a single olive.  He was instructed, as had been so many before, and others to follow, to stop dancing roundabout when the chanting halted, and to square himself over the block of ice so that both cheeks would surround the olive.  If he were successful in securing the olive, then he would be excused in order to observe the efforts of his fellow pledges, one-by-one. If unsuccessful, he would have to eat the olive.

What neither the Hobbit nor his fellow pledges could know was that his brothers-to-be would switch the olive, since it was virtually impossible for any pledge shaped even remotely akin to a human being to hold the olive in the area between cheeks.

Frodo could have rested upon that block of ice for hours on end.  The heat, rising from his scarred buttocks, melted away, and the chunk of ice was but a fraction of its prior self under the futile effort he expended in order to secure the olive.  Laugh he did, when he realized the chicanery of his brothers-to-be.

Then came he of the lean and lanky build who, upon learning of the expectations of the feat, set upon the futile task of securing the olive amid the skinniest cheeks imaginable.  Even with the "Oompah" chant proceeding at a fever pitch, he realized that there was no purpose served by a task so far beyond reality that he picked up the olive and tossed it aloft.  Immediately, the room went silent, and as if in slow motion, the roomful of young men watched as the real olive was caught in his mouth and allowed to slide down the throat of the pledge into a gullet transformed by history.

Despite the passing of a half-century, "the" pledge is known to, and remembered, by all.  Known he is to God and observers as "he who swallowed the olive." The serious questions asked about the wisdom, or lack thereof, which some feel important to the process of maturation, are remembered, even if not practiced, by men who serve you this day dear reader, as physician, teacher, apostle, and in a manner that leaves you grateful for having crossed their path.  Read you the obituary, some day, of one identified as "he who swallowed the olive," and know that each of us has done something stupid, but that laughing about it is what makes the memorial process so much richer than simply singing songs and memorizing Chaucer's greatest lines. 

Oompah, Oompah, Oompah-pa-pa.  Perhaps chanting, and olives, are the items which bring us back, from time-to-time, to the roots of our very being.  Perhaps that is what scares us.  Perhaps.       

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:33 PM EST
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Thursday, December 15, 2011
And The Times Will Be Our Time, And The Grass Won't Pay No Mind
Mood:  special
Topic: "Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)

"How can a day which marks the end of a war be anything other than special?" asked Frodo. 

Frodo thought a lot today about a young man once named Jesus Fonseca, who was born in Mexico but grew up near the Shire, and who died from a sniper's bullet somewhere in the arid rain forests of Iraq.  Frodo neither knew his name nor heard the story of his short life, but the printed obituary was an open invitation for anyone, if not everyone, to attend and pay their respects.  Frodo felt it was his place to be there, and to share in the grief of Pvt. Fonseca's friends and family, going hime.

George W. Bush was not there, nor was Dick Cheney.  Paul Wolfowitz must've had something else important to do that day, Rumsfeld and Rice were probably working on a revised strategic policy or something similar.  Phil Gingrey, Saxby Chambliss, and Johnny Isaakson, the Congressional representatives, Frodo's sure, must've sent their regrets, too.

Frodo stood next to the Honor Guard, a black woman of magnificent composure and grace.  She alone saw the tear in the eye of the Hobbit.  Jesus Fonseca was just a baby.

The next day, Jesus Fonseca's remains were caissoned to a little village in the country of his birth.  The country for which he died sort of waved good-bye as he passed through on his final journey. 

Tomorrow, there will be arguments about a continuing resolution, how to pay for a tax cut, and which of the contestants are ahead in elections to come.  No one, save Frodo, will long remember Jesus Fonseca, and the fact that a mere baby died in support of a nation that wants to deport everydody who doesn't fill out the proper forms or speak without an accent.  Fitting it is, that in broken Spanish, Frodo mouths the words "Vaya con Dios Jesus Fonseca, muchas gracias."

Welcome home.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:19 PM EST
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Wednesday, December 14, 2011
You've Got Your Troubles, I've Got Mine
Mood:  sharp
Topic: "3:10 to Yuma" (7)

It is purely happenstance when Frodo finds himself with the opportunity to stand amid hustle and bustle and count noses, or is that smell roses?  No matter, because he will long remember what it is like to look around, in the world's busiest airport, and to just say "Hello" to passersby.  When eyes don't meet, he takes note of the physique, the eyes, the clothing, and tries to wonder what it is that worries this person.  Are these truly the 99% that everyone seems to be talking about, or has Frodo accidentally found himself shrouded by the world's wealthiest.  Truly, the parking lots are all filled, and every seat in every aircraft is accounted for, so who are all these people, and where are they going?

Asking them is not practical.  The last time he tried that approach was in his fifth year, when he stood outside the windows named Woodward & Lothrop and watched the trains travel between the puppets on 14th Street.  People watched Frodo, and they smiled.  They asked him questions, and he replied.  "Santa is going bring me a train."  Frodo was kind of hoping that one of today's passersby would respond to his greeting with what they wanted for Christmas, too.

Frodo learned today that six members of the family named Walton have a combined net worth that is greater than 30% of all the roughly 300 million people who live in the US of A.  Six people.  Six people who have more money than almost 100 million of their fellow countrymen.  And those six sell things for which the almost 100 million give money, in return, which goes back to the six people.  Frodo, as he thinks about it, thinks he understands what is on the mind of all the people who walked by him this day, and who said nothing.  Frodo thinks he understands what it is that worries these people, the 99% if you will.

They were expecting cake. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:53 PM EST
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Monday, December 12, 2011
Gonna Use My Arms, Gonna Use My Legs
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)

Sir Isaac Newton (of apple fame), remarked that "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction" to define one of the principles of physics.  Frodo is a subscriber to the fact that most such laws translate nicely into human events.  In this case, for example, some human behavior impacted others and the entire mood of the day was changed.

The Men of Gondor give of their time each year in order to "ring the bell" for the Salvation Army in front of a mega-Walmart on one Saturday in December.  The event was scheduled as usual long ahead of time, so that adequate coverage would take place throughout the daylight hours.  Time and responsibility this year however, interjected themselves and suddenly there were not enough hands to meet the demand.

Frodo was distraught.  Gandalf told him, long ago, that his greatest challenge would be to best use the time that is given to him.  He was prepared to work from early morn if it would be necessary, simply because the cause is so important.  It would be the best use of his time, and certainly of the others who were able to join him as scheduled.

"I'll help you, Mr. Frodo," piped Sam from outside the window.  "I can bundle up nice and warm, and if you will allow me to share time with you, I'll see if I can't be as strong and brave as any of the Men of Gondor."  Frodo smiled at the thought of Samwise greeting and winning the hearts of gentle passersby.  "It is a date," he said, and this past Saturday it was Frodo and Sam, together, on behalf of the good people at the Salvation Army.

"Do you want to ring the bell?", queried Sam to the little Hispanic girl, who slipped a dollar bill into the slot atop the kettle.  "Oh, look at this one coming up here."  "How are you?"  "Can you put those coins in all by yourself?"  "Wow, you must really do good in school", said Sam, chattering to the smallest of faces.  To those bigger in size, Sam sparkled with compliments and blessings for their generosity.  Throughout the early afternoon the Hobbits did their best to spread a little joy, and collect a few farthings in difficult times for so many.  "Merry Christmas" was mouthed a thousand times beyond the milennium to all who passed. 

These moments were "the best of times."  Gandalf would be very proud of both Frodo and, most especially,  Samwise. 



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:51 PM EST
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