Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Heaven Knows It Wasn't You Who Set Me Free
Mood:

caffeinated
Topic: "Hang 'em High" (2)

One of Frodo's earliest playmates' father seemingly enjoyed catching young Frodo in the logical conundrum. Time and again, over the years, he would ask Frodo a topical question, then retreat into silence while the ubiquitous Frodo dug himself a hole from which he would be unable to escape. He would then turn the issue around, and dissect Frodo's opinion into bread crumbs. For many years Frodo thought his friends' father to be a wicked man who took his frustrations out on innocent Halflings. It was only recently that Frodo came to realize that he was being intellectually challenged by one who respected the forthrightness of the young Frodo. Too soon it seems, we become too old to address things which confront us when we are too young to comprehend.

Adolf Eichmann was one of the worst human beings who ever trod the small blue planet. The young Frodo was fascinated by his capture in South America, and watched intently on his black-and-white to see the evil one squirm before an Israeli system of justice. Frodo, unquestioningly, felt that Eichmann should be subject to hideous treatment as some matter of recompense for the horrors inflicted on innocent people.

Frodo's friends' father one day asked Frodo his opinion of the trial, and what should happen to the evil Eichmann. Frodo spoke authoritatively of the crimes committed, and suggested penalties consistent with the principles of justice, as he understood them at the time. Frodo was surprised when the responding question was, "Well, how would that be legal?"

"Sir, what could you mean? Eichmann is being tried before a jury. . ."

"Of his peers?"

"Well, no, but by citizens of the country. . ."

"Frodo, that country did not exist when the alleged crimes were committed."

"Well, that's true, but. . ."

"Frodo, listen to yourself, you are trying to justify a process and a punishment based on emotion, not on law. You are going along with the mob who want revenge, not legal punishment. Israel has no right to try and punish Adolf Eichmann, because Israel did not come into existence until the atrocities had been committed."

The conversation of so many years ago came back to Frodo again this evening when he considered the pending dissolution of the electoral product of the semi-State now known as Iraq. The deposed tyrant, Saddam Hussein, has been tried, and convicted, and sentenced to death, by a government that may not exist at any point within the next several hours or days. The question then becomes, what is the legal status of Saddam Hussein? Can he be held to account if the government which tried him no longer exists? Can he be punished by an entity entirely different from that which adjudged him? Does the process have to be repeated, but under an entirely different set of rules and aggrieved parties?

Frodo thinks his old antagonist would quickly recognize that if the Iraqi government intends to take any truly "legal" action, then they better act quick. If they tarry too long, George W. Bush may not get his revenge.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:34 PM EST

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Monday, November 27, 2006

I Never Will Forget The Way You Look Tonight
Mood:

crushed out
Topic: "Emperor's Clothes" (2)
Frodo enjoys making fun of people who deserve it. The Atlanta Falcons stink, as a football team, and every player they have is paid, at a minimum, hundreds of thousands of dollars. Most of the players receive tens of millions of dollars, and they never have to use their brains at all. The people who provide the monies for their salaries nearly all make considerably less than the miniumum guaranteed to every player, and now, those people are pretty angry. So what happens, the biggest "star" on the team shoots them "the bird," twice. This "athleticism" merits mockery and derision, but the Falcons are not the target of Frodo's wrath tonight. Frodo has absolutely had it with Laura Bush and her stupid pants.

Is it because Laura is the only person in the Bush family who actually wears pants? Is it because she has varicose veins and she is hiding the discolored little zig-zags on her limbs? Is it because she has a special deal with some foreign textile manufacturer? Is it because she's dropped a few pounds and she thinks she appears more shapely when climbing the ladder up into Air Force One? Is it because her daughters have donated all of her dresses to Goodwill?
Frodo, and other inquiring minds, want to know; why all the pantsuits?

Frodo traces all of this back to George's decision to take off his jacket, to appear before staged groups of zealots in his shirtsleeves in order to appear more like a "regular guy." You know, like a guy with whom you'd go out and "have a beer." Laura obviously felt the need to also come across as just "one of the guys." Frodo, for one, does not go and have a beer with anybody who wears anything that says "Armani" on it. Frodo is also somewhat reluctant to depend on a designated driver who has taken the pledge. The Bush attempt to apparently appear more like Wally and Beaver's Mom & Dad (remember Ward?) is actually, well, sort of "Bush League."

So to George and Laura, devotees of style and fashion, Frodo stands, cups his mouth, and goes "BOOOOOO."

This leaves Frodo, of course, as a target for the "flying fickle finger of fate." So be it, somebody has to tell those two they look like marionettes. What does one expect of people who never have to use their brains?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:24 PM EST

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Saturday, November 25, 2006

When I Think About All The Crap I Learned in High School
Mood:

bright

Frodo was convinced almost immediately that he would never experience any practical application of either Algebra or the diagramming of a sentence. To this day, he has no idea as to either the value of "x" or whether a preposition modifies an adjective. It has been a constant factor in his life, that some knowledge is simply not worth sharing.

George W. Bush was probably exposed to courses in both Political Science and World History. It is disturbing to Frodo that the future President of the United States may have made a similar determination about the utility of knowledge when it came to these subjects. It is certainly clear that he failed to absorb adequate cautionary data based in human experience. All of the academic discussions about "power vacuum" and "institutional value" in society were ignored. Replaced, as we all now know, by a seemingly messianic belief in the "freedom" of popular elections and majority-rule.

Much hope now seems to rest in the attractiveness of "consumerism" among young people, all around the world. In Iran, the ruling Mullahs are in apparent direct conflict with the youthful desire to dress, dance, and behave like their counterparts in more "Westernized" societies. In China, the communist system is challenged in the accumulation of wealth by individuals, and the desire for more and better property items by the agrarian segments of the general population. In America itself, young people have interest only in the cost and the availability of apparel, not in the manufacturing locale. What American teenager has lately expressed concern about his or her jeans being made in Sri Lanka? The world now changes because of the demand, and the availability of the resources that drive the demand.

It is a shame that George W. Bush has never seemingly comprehended that the factors for change at this point have very limited dependence on the traditional "freedoms" of political choice. Had he recognized the folly of the theory presented to him by political advisers and theistic soothsayers, he may well have changed the world with a song and a few bars of chocolate. Instead, he chose to ignore knowledge, and accept ignorance.

Bush and Frodo differ because Frodo learned the lessons, and has sought, albeit unsuccessfully, to apply them in a meaningful way. Bush dismissed the things with which he either disagreed or that disinterested him, and figured that his Daddy would be there to bail him out, if necessary. Too bad, thinks Frodo, that such a prominent character flaw was accepted by so many, and at such cost.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:13 AM EST

Updated: Saturday, November 25, 2006 11:18 AM EST

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Friday, November 24, 2006

Every One I Know, Every Where I Go, Runnin' on Empty
Mood:

rushed
Topic: "Black Friday" (2)

Today Frodo purchased a small refrigerator and two pairs of reading glasses, on sale. He purchased these necessities in mid-afternoon from one of America's most visited retail establishments, and he was in-and-out within fifteen minutes on what is advertised as the busiest shopping day of the year. As Frodo considered his commentary on what must be a disappointing scene, Sam advised him that this period is actually a traditionally good time to shop.

"The crowds have come and gone for the early-opening sale items," offered Sam, "and the increased staffing in the stores makes this lull almost heavenly for the accomplished shopper."

Frodo, as usual, was skeptical, and began to look for indicators that his long-predicted consumer spending collapse had actually begun. Frodo has long theorized that credit woes would eventually bring a halt to the purchasing power of the American Middle Class. Borrowing against home equity, reaching the credit limit on credit cards, and working multiple jobs would eventually, so thinks Frodo, catch up with a harried populace. Perhaps this "lull" was actually the beginning of what has seemed to be the logical conclusion to a mindless spurt of economic growth?

So Frodo tuned in the news. The lead story was the continuing, surging, insurgency in Iraq, and the cycle of violence that has brought civilization in that part of our small blue planet to a grinding halt. All as predicted by Frodo, sadly, before the first invading troop set foot on the soil of the former Iraqi totalitarian state. The next story was all about "Black Friday," (as it is known in commercial circles) signifying the importance of the beginning of the Holiday Shopping Season. The conclusion, on every channel Frodo could capture, was that the early indications reflected strong demand, fostered by reduced prices and increased availability. The third story was totally lost on Frodo.

Mount Doom was a lonely place as Frodo and Sam pulled into the parking lot, planning to take the mini-refrigerator into Frodo's office. All of the businesses, most of which are small, were closed as if "Black Friday" were a legitimate holiday, and that no one really needed to work, including Frodo. Even the housepainters, who maintain a covey of immigrants working seemingly without pause, were nowhere to be found.

Frodo noticed the message light on his telephone, and was smugly ready to predict a number of inquiries for potential business opportunities until he noted that there was but a single message on voicemail. It was a reminder for Frodo that he would be "ringing the bell" for The Salvation Army in two weeks, as he and his friend Abe had done last year. Last year the "take" was phenomenal, and Frodo noted that so much of that generosity was based on the tragedy of Hurrican Katrina. Perhaps Frodo will truly have something to offer about the actual state of the American Economy when he reports on the events of that day, December 9th?

Frodo will ring the bell loud and hard, and he will return the Holiday Greetings of all who smile and drop coins into the bucket. Here's to hope that both of the lead stories on that day will prove Frodo wrong. Hope, that is what these days are supposed to signify, aren't they?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:06 PM EST

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Thursday, November 23, 2006

Take Another Shot of Courage
Mood:

suave
Topic: "Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
In addition to natural wonders, Frodo has a number of establishments, shall we say, created by Man, which call him to enter and to explore. The prime example would be "Rick's American Bar" in Casablanca, where Frodo would be "shocked" by the gambling, and enthralled by the singing of "Le Marseille." In London, "221-B Baker Street" leads to the door where Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce imitate Holmes and Watson. Frodo has a case that would challenge even the Master of Deductive Reasoning. What Halfling would not want to enter the parlor at the "Mustang Ranch," and to consider all of the possibilities, whether or not Dolly Parton was involved?

"Harry's Bar," in Venice, was a new one for Frodo. Two charming ladies from Chicago first mentioned its' existence to Frodo when they introduced the term "Bellini" into his vocabulary. This particular cocktail, unique to Harry's, was the mixed drink to have in a land known for its' wines. Frodo inquired of his authentic Italian Tour Director, Enrico, about the location of said establishment. Asking a Neapolitan about anything on the East Coast of Italy is to invite a comparative discourse which wanders from the intent of the original query. Eventually Frodo and Sam were directed to the proper street, which was as precise a piece of information as they could expect to receive.

Harry's is not a big place, and there were lots of people milling about searching for an appropriate place to sit. Frodo found a large corner booth and pushed Sam to the far side. Eventually they were joined by two Americans, two retired school teachers from Rollins, Wyoming, who were traveling in the same tour as the Hobbits. All four were in search of the "Bellini" of fable and fame.

The waiters were all clad in white westcoats and the gentleman who approached Frodo knew what Frodo wanted before he was able to inquire. Bellinis, Frodo was told, were made from fresh white peach nectar and sparkling wine. The drink cost 14 Euros. Frodo quickly computed 14 times $1.30 and determined that this once-in-a-lifetime drink would set him back approximately $36.40, since he was also paying for Sam.

"What the heck," said Frodo, "it's only this play money, anyway."

The four travelers toasted each other when their very conservatively sized libations appeared. Each remarked, after the first sip, that the drink was tasty. Frodo thought to himself that it tasted a little bit like an ice cream soda, without ice cream. Sam told Frodo later on that evening that the contents could be duplicated back at the Shire. Frodo was skeptical, perhaps because he was already attempting to justify the capital expenditure which had just been entered into his ledger.

Tonight, for Thanksgiving, Frodo and Sam shared Sam's effort at duplication of the Bellini. Sam had found a bottle of "Aste Spumante" and "Kern's Peach Nectar" at the Grocery Store. They mixed magically and were at least the match of, if not better than, Harry's Bellini.

Frodo is now computing how much he saved. Perhaps he can deduct the opportunity costs from his income tax return next April?

Oh well, at least the Hobbits have seen the inner sanctum in Venice, and the next time he tells the story Frodo will enchance it to reflect the presence of a former KGB Agent whispering into the ear of a mysterious stranger, in the back, in the corner, in the dark, while drinking a Bellini.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 6:25 PM EST

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Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Tricks You to Enter His Web of Sin
Mood:

mischievious
Topic: "Turkey Day Walkabout"(2)
When the gallant Howard fell ill, he asked Sam to care for his "Boy," an overweight and emotionally perplexed mixed parentage white cat. Until the very end he asked Sam about his "Boy," and how he was adjusting to life in the Shire. In truth, the newly-christened "Beau Neau" adapted to the Shire and its' inhabitants as if he were the proverbial bear in a honey tree.

The "dog door" offered a window through to an outside piece of our small blue planet in which Beau Neau could rightfully stake a claim. Recognizing the fenced perimeter as the border with unregistered alien lands provided the parameters of his protectorate. As previously noted, every edible chipmunk, mole, mouse, butterfly, salamander, spider, or otherwise unidentified species came directly under the tutelage of this new Lord and Master. By the same token, the fenced yard provided security as well as limitations to the totalitarian regime. Rules vocationally enforced by the inimitable Mick, the Wonder Dog, who warns Frodo of potential incursions or excursions.

Last night however, proved to be an exception to all the rules. Frodo had evidently not properly secured one of the gates providing egress to Mordor, and the indomitable spirit of Beau Neau was eventually drawn to this security flaw. When Frodo finally noticed what had happened, Beau Neau was not to be found, and the evening had turned to a cold pre-winter's darkness. Frodo and Sam called and searched by artificial light to bring the knight errant back to the safety of the Shire. Alas, it was all for naught.

Frodo had a restless night, awakened often by thoughts of marauding coyotes who have been disengaged from their traditional hunting grounds by the incursions of civilization. An overweight white cat would provide meaningful fare for an entire family unit. Frodo tried to think like a cat, and decided to leave the exit gate open, the light above the dog door on, and the rear door ajar. Frodo reasoned that Beau Neau may eventually retrace his steps and return to the Shire when hunger and cold took hold. Sam, totally distraught, retreated for the evening, and Frodo could hear whimpers throughout the night.

Came the dawn, and Frodo arose with Mick, the Wonder Dog, in order to engage in their morning run and observation of the tints above the sunrise. As they passed through the living room, they observed an overweight white blob asleep on the couch. Frodo patted the head of his Eminence, Lord and Master, and firmly secured the gate in the yard of the Shire as he joined Mick, the Wonder Dog, in a mutually enjoyable sprint in the early morning on the Day before Thanksgiving.

There is much joy on this day in even this smallest of blessings in the land of the Shire; home to Frodo, Sam, and all the creatures who come in from the cold and seek a warm place to sleep. Tomorrow the bounty is shared, and a contented purr will be a welcome addition to the symphony.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:26 PM EST

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Saturday, November 18, 2006

I Guess I'm Just a Stubborn Kinda Fella
Mood:

lyrical
Topic: "Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
For Frodo "Music Appreciation" was not something that he, well, appreciated. Listening to those who could carry a tune talk about their oboes and their trumpets made him wonder if any of them would ever be a part of the "Million Dollar Band" at the University of Texas, and if any of them would ever do anything that didn't involve Half-Time? The situation remained however, that Frodo was forced to identify a specific piece of music and to analyze it in order to satisfy a requirement that separated him from the next plateau in his progressive education.

Some guy named Roger Williams recorded a piece called "Autumn Leaves" which, as Frodo reports, actually did catch his attention because of the rialto format which followed the piano keyboard as if leaves actually were tumbling across the landscape. Frodo used this piece for his analysis, and the teacher was adequately impressed with what was said to graciously allow Frodo to advance. Then again, it may actually be that the old crone would have done anything to get Frodo out of her hair.

Frodo once again recalled that long ago 45-RPM record when he today confronted the completed product of leaf-shedding in the Shire. Time and again Frodo raked and blew leaves onto the tarpaulin which he annually uses to drag the forested by-product into the woods beyond the Shire. Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog, who pined so for Frodo during his travels, even grew weary watching the monotony of load after load of fallen deciduous litter. Frodo was also concerned that the Saturday confrontations between the Wolverines, the Buckeyes, the War Eagles, the Tide, the Demon Deacons, and the Hokies might actually occur without his expert analysis and observations of each play. The "Energizer Bunny" in Frodo took full command. Now the Shire is leaf-free.

Frodo once observed that "Autumn Leaves" was designed for the piano, and that even the best saxophonist in all the world would be wasting effort in order to capture the symbolic same audio picture. The same may be said, so he supposes, for raking leaves in July. It would be a waste of time. Today, it made Frodo think about music, and that ain't a bad thing at all.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:05 PM EST

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Thursday, November 16, 2006

Some Things Look Better Baby Just Passin' Through
Mood:

smelly
Topic: "Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
From the Isle of Santorini to the cliffs over Dubrovnik, and counting all the passengers aboard, Frodo was only able to count ONE person who expressed distress over the results of the Mid-Term Elections. The opinion that, with Nancy Pelosi in position as "third-in-line to the Presidency," the future of America would be sorely tested was voiced only by an overweight, grey-haired, white, female American. Frodo did not let the comment pass unchallenged.

The President of the United States is viewed as an incompetent boob. Frodo knows because he asked people what they thought and, generally, if the English was adequate, he was able to surmise that people everywhere have been terrified of the misjudgments and deceptions. Individually, people everywhere have seemingly suppressed their opinions for fear that they might alienate someone on whom they depend for income. When their opinions were sought however, people opened their mouths and said what was on their mind.

Which brings Frodo to the point of this evening's diatribe that, in groups, Germans and Italians fully justify the fact that the world has gone to War against them with relish and frequency. Rudeness must be a required field of study for all their citizens before they are allowed to venture beyond their national borders. Lines are taught to be ignored, and the fact that a direct frontal assault on any individual in your way is patently acceptable behavior. Attempting to verbally re-adjust the situation is a non-factor in behavior, and placing one's hands on an unwelcome intruder results in a stare of defiance and feigned indignity.

Frodo found that, individually, all of these people were charming and eager to talk, but in groups, watch out! Frodo eventually took matters into his own hands and combined his own "bull-in-a-china shop" counter-offensive against the "Old Europe" with a single word, spoken in German. The word is "arschloch." For the equally offensive Italians Frodo simply didn't have the vocabulary to timely devise a verbal response which would command attention when uttered. The solution was to tactfully place his heel on the toes of the pusher and to bear down just enough to bring about a temporary withdrawal.

Frodo may be the re-incarnation of George S. Patton.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:53 PM EST

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Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Every Stop Is Neatly Planned For a Poet And a One-Man Band
Mood:

celebratory
Topic: "I'm Baaack" (2)
The gentleman and his wife sat all alone at an over-sized table adjacent to the buffet on Deck 11. Frodo and Sam were unable to find other available seating as they waited to be notified that their stateroom was available. Frodo asked the gentleman if he and Sam could join them while they ate their lunch. The man gestured to the vacant chairs and stated "Ist Frei." Given his masterful command of the German language, Frodo immediately knew that he and Sam had been invited to sit and eat.

The gentleman began to launch a series of interrogatories in Frodo's direction which seemed to somehow involve both Frodo's nationality and his knowledge of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Remembering approximately 50 nouns, 25 verbs, and a few colloquial expressions, Frodo commenced to introduce Sam to the couple from Goslar, Germany. Eventually Frodo was able to comprehend the facts that the gentleman had recently retired as Chief Homicide Inspector for the Federal Republic of Germany, that his daughter was now living in California, that he was a great admirer of Schwarzenegger, and that he thought George W. Bush was an absolute disaster.

Frodo was unable to convince the gentleman that his primary duty was to destroy the ring. The gentleman seemed to believe, given Frodo's broken grammar, that Frodo was an attorney. Frodo did everything he could to prevent the gentleman from thinking so ill of Frodo.

During the somewhat awkward conversation Frodo was able to engage the gentleman in several commentaries about life in Germany during the first quarter of the Twenty-First Century. Frodo learned that one of the biggest concerns held by Germans dealt with the issue of Immigration Reform. Somehow, Frodo had never imagined that Germany and Mexico were even aware that each other even existed. It seems that the problem in Germany actually has to do with the absorption of residents of what was formerly East Germany into a unified Germany.

The Communist Deutsche Demokratische Republik (DDR) had poorer roads, poorer public transportation, poorer schools, poorer health care, fewer jobs, fewer firefighters, and fewer public toilets than did its' counterpart in West Germany. The result, today, is that an extremely large portion of public funds go into the improvement of these public services in the formerly Communist sector, and most of those public funds are the taxes paid by current residents of the formerly Western Sector. Roads, schools, and other public services in the West suffer.

Frodo was talking to one slightly-pissed German taxpayer. In truth, this gentleman could have been any one of thousands of current residents in North Fulton County, Georgia, in the US of A. People who believe that their taxes go to subsidize someone else, while their needs are ignored by government. Frodo listened intently, while Sam smiled and continued to attack a salad with sufficient ferocity to constantly ensure a full mouth. Sam's knowledge of German begins and ends with the exchange rate, and how it impacts the capacity to purchase Birkenstocks.

Finally the signal was given that staterooms were available, so the travelers shook hands and headed in different directions. It is a smaller world every time one is reminded that different languages and longitudes are the only difference between Hobbits. Paying bills, providing for the family, planning for the future, remembering the past; these are things Frodo has in common even with soon-to-be unemployed Republican officeholders.

How sweet it is.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:05 PM EST

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Thursday, November 2, 2006

I'll Be Gone Five Hundred Miles When The Day Is Done
Mood:

lucky
Topic: "All Bets Are In" (2)
Frodo departs the Shire once again. A friend has told him that those whom he will visit are very angry with both Americans and Israelis. Frodo understands that anger.

An election will take place while Frodo is gone. It is an important election, but it is an election that has already been decided, at least that is Frodo's opinion. Frodo believes that anytime a large number of political incumbents are threatened, it is not the result of voters making a snap decision because they are unfamiliar with the candidates. It is an informed decision, a decision that reflects strongly held feelings.

The pollsters tell us that this evil, misguided, unnecessary war is the prime concern of the electorate, and that the loss of both Houses of Congress would be a stinging defeat for the President. Frodo accepts that theorem.

Frodo and Sam have already voted. When the election results are tabulated, Frodo and Sam will be amongst those people who are angry at Americans and Israelis. It will be a good time for Frodo to share a glass of wine with people whose ancestors first brought civilization to the Western World. Frodo will carry the message that it will not be his homeland that destroys that great gift.

It will be a good day when Frodo again returns to the Shire.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:50 PM EST

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