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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
"On Her Code?" (4)
"On Vacation, I'm Sure"
"One Act Play"
"One Down, More Comin'"
"One For the Good Guys"
"One More Round" (4)
"One Orbit of the Sun"(2)
"Only 434 More to Go" (2)
"Opportunity Sox" (3)
"Or the Yellow Peril?"(6)
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"Our Town" (8)
"Out Damned Spot (2)"
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"Pace Car" (3)
"Painted Toenails?"(4)
"Panic Attack"(10)
"Pants on Fire"
"Parade of Horribles"(4)
"Part Two" (5)
"Pass the Malais" (4)
"Passion Flowers" (5)
"Past is Prologue" (3)
"Pat bin Laden"
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"Peaceful Easy Feelin"(3)
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"Permanent Vacation" (5)
"Persons of the Year"
"Philadelphia Bunnyface?"
"Philosopher Kings" (4)
"Pickled Cabbage?"
"Picture of Frodo"(5)
"Pilot Wales" (2)
"Pirate Booty"
"Pit Bull Revenge"(4)
"Pius Baloney I" (7)
"Place of Good Abode" (3)
"Plaque 42W, Line 12"
"Play It Again, Sam"
"Play Melancholy Baby"
"Play the Frodo Game"(6)
"Playin' Possum" (3)
"Poland Parole Patrol"(5)
"Polish or Polish?"
"Poll Results Just In"
"Poly Sci 101"(9)
"Poor People"
"Pope for a Day" (10)
"Pope-a-Dope" (5)
"Popeil Veg-o-matic"
"Potty Training" (3)
"Power Surge"(9)
"Pray for, Gas?" (4)
"Pray With Me Henry" (2)
"Pre-emptive Passages"(2)
"Preemptive Invasion"
"Presidential Erection"
"Problem, Officer?" (3)
"Problem, Officer?" (5)
"Problems?" (4)
"Promises Made" (3)
"Promises To Keep" (5)
"Promises to Keep"(9)
"Proud I Am"
"Proud Walter" (5)
"Proxy Server Error" (4)
"Prudent" (10)
"Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)
"Pugnacious Maverick"
"Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)
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"Puppy Angel" (2)
"Purple Pill Please" (2)
"Putin Tang" (3)
"Qaddafi Wins, For Now"(7)
"Qualified? Yeah Right!"
"Quayle Hunting"
"Queen of Memphis"
"Queen of the Damned"
"Quittin' Time" (8)
"Quoth the Raven"(7)
"QVC and Dorothy"
"Qwest For Truth (2)"
"Radio and TV"(7)
"Rain, Rain, Go Away?"(4)
"Rainy Day in Georgia(2)"
"Raptor Rapture" (7)
"Read All About It" (5)
"Real Men Don't Shop"(4)
"Rechargin' da Shire"(11)
"Recycled Air (Gasp)" (2)
"Red Sky at Morning" (3)
"Red Sky at Morning"(5)
"Reduced Flow Flush"(5)
"Reimers' Rhymers"(5)
"Remember These?"
"Remembering Jessica" (2)
"Remote Outpost" (7)
"Render Unto Wright" (4)
"Reverend LeRoy" (3)
"Rice on Hot Tin Roof(2)"
"Rick Santa Anna"(5)
"Right Not Privilege" (4)
"Road to Damascus"
"Road Trip" (5)
"Roads Scholar" (8)
"Rocket Man"
"Rocket Man" (5)
"Rockets Red Glare" (5)
"Rocks Rox"(8)
"Roger the Dodger"(4)
"Roger Williams Sucks"(2)
"Rooty-Toot" (6)
"Rose Garden Promises"(4)
"Royal Portrait" (2)
"Rubber Ducky" (2)
"Rubio's Cube"(6)
"Rules" (6)
"Rules" (7)
"Rumblin' Bumblin'" (3)
"Rumsfeldstiltskin" (2)
"Run Eddie, Run" (5)
"Run Far, Run Fast"(7)
"Run Forrest, Run"
"Run, old hare!"
"Runaround Tsu"
"Runs in the Family" (3)
"Rwanda Go Home?"(6)
"S'long Sarong (2)"
"Sabato Knows" (2)
"Sam Shopping" (2)
"San Juan de Capistrano"
"Sandy Hook" (8)
"Santos v. Vinnick"
"Satire-Apology to Mick"
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"SAWB" (3)
"Say Cheese"(7)
"Say It Ain't So,Jo"(4)
"Say It Ain't So,Joe" (2)
"School Holiday" (4)
"Science Marches On"
"Scooter" (2)
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"Sears and Loveaduck" (5)
"Second Line (2)"
"Second of Two" (4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(4)
"Seems Like Yesterday"(9)
"Seen Any Blue Swans?"(3)
"Selective Service"(8)
"September Twelfth"(5)
"Serendipity Strikes" (3)
"Serge is Working?" (3)
"Serious,For A Change"(6)
"Seven Samurai" (5)
"Sex or Gender?"
"Sexiest Man Alive"(5)
"Shaken, not stirred"(10)
"She is No Ma Kettle"
"Sheep and Museums"
"Sheep in Mindanao?"
"Shenandoah Rangers"(7)
"Shenandoah" (6)
"Shire Sunset"
"Shock and Awe" (4)
"Shoot 'em, Vern"
"Side by Side" (7)
"Sidin' With Anemone"(4)
"Silence of the Lambs"(2)
"Silent, but deadly"(6)
"Sing It Again" (4)
"Sink or Swim"
"Sir A Gut" (3)
"Six Days on the Road"
"Skull and Bones"(4)
"Skunk Cabbage" (3)
"Sleepy Time (2)"
"Slippin' and a Slidin'"
"Sludge Stimulus" (5)
"Small Businesses-Ha!"(6)
"Small Gray Planet"(2)
"Small Victories"
"Smellin' Roses"
"Smirk Jerk" (2)
"Smokin' Pesticide Dope"
"Smoochy Time" (4)
"Snazis" (2)
"Snow Tan"(11)
"Snowiches" (6)
"So Who's Sluggo?" (2)
"Social Security Reform"
"Social Security" (7)
"Socrates and Friends"(5)
"Soldier of the King"
"Soldier of the Storm(2)"
"Solitary Isolation" (3)
"Solving a Problem"(9)
"Somethin' Borrowed"(5)
"Something in Commons"(5)
"Sometimes Life Sucks"(4)
"Sorcerer's Apprentice"
"Soul Train" (5)
"Souter Rules, Dude"
"Southern Ladies" (5)
"Sow's Ear from Silk"(5)
"Space Poop" (3)
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"Spoonerized" (6)
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"Stan & Ollie"(7)
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"Sticker Shock"
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"Stragedy" (2)
"Stragedy" (8)
"Strangerthan fiction"(6)
"Strip Searched" (9)
"Stupidly" (5)
"Stupor Bowl Sunday"(2)
"Subsidizing Seeds"(6)
"Sunday, Sunday"(9)
"Sunni Daze" (4)
"Supportin' da Troops"(2)
"Supportin' da Troops"(3)
"Survey Says" (6)
"Sweet Georgia Brown"
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"Take a letter, dearie"
"Take It Off Baby" (5)
"Takes a Worried Man"(4)
"Talibanme Banana"(8)
"Talkin' Turkey" (3)
"Tax Driver" (9)
"Taxpayer Assistance (2)"
"Tea Olive" (7)
"Tear Down That Wall"(4)
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"Ten Cent Coke" (3)
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"Term Paper" (5)
"Terminal? Great!"
"Terre Bonne" (6)
"Terrible Swift Sword"(6)
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"Tess of D'Uberville"(8)
"Tess of the Dorghis" (8)
"Texas Exes" (8)
"Thank the Academy"(4)
"Thank You Rand Paul"
"Thank You, Molly" (2)
"Thanks, Dad" (3)
"Thar She Blows"
"That Looks Like Me"(5)
"That's the way it is"(5)
"Thawt Yuze a Toad"(7)
"The 60 Year Struggle"(5)
"The Atlanta Eye" (6)
"The Blue Dog"(11)
"The Boston Massacre"(9)
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"The Brotherhood Begins"
"The Eyes of Texas"
"The Forum" (2)
"The Future is Now (2)"
"The Garden of Good"
"The Good Book" (4)
"The Good Doctor"(6)
"The Great Quixote" (9)
"The Grumpy Dwarf"(9)
"The Important Stuff"
"The Italian Stallion"
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"The Non-Issue" (3)
"The Perfect Storm" (2)
"The Pre-Fellowship"(4)
"The Prophecy"
"The Real Rhett" (4)
"The Second Amendment"
"The Silver Sow Award"(3)
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"The Turtle" (3)
"The Union Label"(6)
"There is a Virginia" (2)
"They're He-ear" (4)
"Thin Ice, Frodo" (4)
"Third Strike Nuance (2)"
"This Day in History"(3)
"This, Too, Shall Pass"
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"To Arms, To Arms"
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"Tokyo Rush" (5)
"Tom Bombadil isDying"(7)
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"Tom" (4)
"Top Two Percent" (7)
"Tora Bora Lora. . ." (2)
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"Tra La,Spring,Tra La"(6)
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"Travel Sucks" (4)
"Tree Fishin' (2)"
"Trees v. Forest"(9)
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"Tripod Hackers?"(9)
"Trouble Sleepin'" (3)
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"Unconventional, you say?"(7)
"Underdog Shmunderdog"(4)
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"Untimely Events"
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"Veto Shmetoe (2)"
"Vick Drops, Cough!" (3)
"Video Thriller"(5)
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"Virgin Birth" (2)
"Virginia is 4 Lovers"(4)
"Virginia Lovers" (4)
"Vom Winde Verweht" (2)
"Vote for Steve" (2)
"Vote Frodo (Not)"(7)
"W is for Wuss""
"Wait 'til Next Year" (2)
"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
"Walkin' in the Woods"(5)
"Walkin' the Dogs"(8)
"Walkin' the Walk"
"Wall of Libertad"
"War on Middle Class"(2)
"War on Tara"
"Warm Bucket of Spit"(4)
"Was Miers His Attorney?"
"Watch Mr. Wizard" (3)
"Water Into Wine" (11)
"Water into Wine?"
"Watts da plan, Man?"(5)
"Wayne Johnson"(4)
"We Make a Better Day"(5)
"We Sank a Truck"
"We Will Rock You"
"Weather Channel Follies"
"Weddin' Down South" (3)
"Wedding Bell Blues"
"Weeds Way Is Up?"(5)
"Weepy Seepy Peepee"(3)
"Welcome Home, Soldier"
"Well, Duh!"
"Well, Poop"(8)
"West Wing Redux" (2)
"What Goes Around" (6)
"What if JR Shot Back"(9)
"What is a Shimkus?" (2)
"What Mark Felt"
"What Schedule?" (2)
"What Time Is It (2)"
"What We Have Here (2)"
"What Would Mitt Do?"(3)
"What's A Cubit?"
"What's a Sgarbi?" (5)
"What, Me Worry?"
"What, Me Worry?" (3)
"Where Sun Doan Shine"(8)
"Where's Frodo?" (5)
"Where's my puppy?"(4)
"Where's the Beef?"
"Where's the Fire?"(5)
"Whither Frodo?"
"Whitman's Sampler"(6)
"Who Dat Say Who Dat?"
"Who dat?" (2)
"Who did it?" (2)
"Who Torted?"
"Who Was That Guy?" (5)
"Who's In Line?"(6)
"Who's We, White Boy?"(3)
"Why are you here"?(3)
"Why are you here?" (3)
"Why Black Folks Cheered"
"Wiccan I do for you?"(2)
"Wicked Pickett"
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"Will better be?"(7)
"Willard" (7)
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"Winchester Women (2)"
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"Winter Solstice"
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"Wither Channels" (5)
"Wither Weather"(9)
"Wither Weather?"(4)
"WMD in the Shire"(6)
"Words To Live By"(7)
"Workin' on Night Moves"
"Worst Candidate Ever"(8)
"Worth Waiting For?"(5)
"Write a Letter" (7)
"Writer's Block" (2)
"Wrong Again, Frodo"(3)
"Wyomin' Gloamin'" (2)
"Xmas in Shreveport"(6)
"Yahoo" (4)
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"Yankee Ingenuity"
"Yella Rose a Taxes"(4)
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"Yes, No, Who Knows?" (2)
"You Betcha" (6)
"You Put Your Eye Out"(2)
"You Snake in the Grass"
"You Take the High Road"
"Zimmerman Noted"(6)
"Zinni in Bloom (2)"
"Zounds, Sounds!" (5)
"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Monday, September 14, 2009
She Made Me Think Of Things I'd Never Thought Of
Topic: "Fashionable Frodo" (5)

Scott Shannon frequently accompanies Frodo while jaunting about the Shire in his motorcar.  Not only is the music wonderful, but Shannon has been everywhere, and done everything, and when it comes to telling stories about the artists and the art, there is none better.  Every storyteller however, is subject to the sometimes witty reposit of a faithful companion, and what follows is akin to Tonto responding to the Lone Ranger's lament that being surrounded by hostile Indians may bring their eventual demise ("What you mean 'we', kemo sabe?").

Shannon recounted a recent bank robbery in California, and subsequent questioning of witnesses by the local gendarmerie, which yielded an unheard of consistency in description.  Nearly all of the witnesses to the hold-up remarked upon the striking beauty of the robber, but none could seem to give any detailed physical description.  Eventually, said Shannon, one of the police officers commenced to query a rather effeminate gentleman who had witnessed the evil-doer from across the street as she made her hasty getaway.

The witness disclosed that the tall and leggy African-American bandit wore a tight fitting pink gown, with pearls, and an off-white kerchief about the throat.  The shoes were white and open-toed.  A matching broad-brimmed hat with a red ribbon about the base, upon which the felon maintained its placement with her left hand while holding a derringer, pointed at a bank teller furiously stuffing bills into a shopping bag from Saks Fifth Avenue.

Shannon paused, for a fatal moment, before adding the punch line to the story, and it gave his broadcasting sidekick the opportunity to add in a rhetorical huff, "White, after Labor Day?"

When the entire radio network regained control, Shannon sheepishly explained that the witness also indicated that the robber was actually a man.  Then again, what would one expect?


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:17 PM EDT
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Sunday, September 13, 2009
You Know That It Would Be Untrue, You Know That I Would Be a Liar
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)

"Good morning, our guest for the first half-hour of BEAT THE PRESS is Representative Joe Wilson (R-SC), and he will receive questions from Frodo Baggins of the Shire News Service."

"Thank you David, I'd also like to thank all the members of the Academy and. . .oh, excuse me, wrong set of note cards. Er, Mr. Wilson, have you considered apologizing to the President of the United States on the floor of the House of Representatives for your intemperate remarks last Thursday during the President's speech to the Joint Houses of Congress?"

"Suh, Ah think my apology to the President which ah made immediately after my emotional comments is adequate."

"Well, Sir, a number of elected officials, both Republican and Democratic, have expressed their disgust at your apparent lack of respect for the Office of the President, and have stated publicly that since your racist comments were uttered on the House Floor, it would therefore be appropriate for a formal apology to emanate from the same location."

"I verruh much object to your use of the word 'racist,' since there was nothing said which could anyway be construed as 'racist'."

"Sir, in the entire history of our country, no member of Congress has previously uttered comments of this nature against a sitting US President in public.  Given the fact that President Obama is the first President with a definable African-American ancestry. . ."

"Boy, you need to be careful with where you're goin' here.  I want yew ta know that some of my best friends are Nigras.  We love our Nigras here in South Catrolina.  Our Nigras are the happiest Nigras in the whole world.  In fact, my Mammy had me raised by a Nigra lady right over there in McClellanville."

"Your mother was African-American?"

"Now see, there ya go again.  Talkin' like yew ackshally know what people means.  My "Mammy" was an ole Nigra lady that wet-nursed me while my Mother was workin' three jobs in order to help send me to college."

"Congressman, can we get back to my origiinal question?"

"Wassa matter boy, can't you heer good?  Ah already said that my apology was apparently adequate, and we need to move forward, and not waste time lookin' back."

"Mr. Wilson, you've apparently received more than $1 Million in political contributions since the incident.  Don't you feel that the motivation for these contributions is likely to be 'racist', and secondly, can you tell us if the bulk of these contributions are from in-or-out-of the State of South Carolina?"

"Boy, if that isn't proof of how you people from inside the Beltway are out-of-step. . ."

"Uh, Congressman, I am from the Shire, and this is the first time I have been in Washington in over three years."

"Yes, well, as ah was sayin', those contributions are pennies, nickels, and quarters, saved up by hard-workin' South Carolinians who could've given that money to their churches, but saw a need to 'Stand up for America', and to help protect the best healthcare system in the world."

"Congressman Wilson, what will you do if the entire House votes to censure you for your remarks, and if you are directed to apologize, appropriately?"

"Well, jes let Ms. Nancy Puloosey try.  Looka here boy, donchew know that Fort Sumter still sirs out there in the middle of Charleston Harbor, and that if it means that the fight for right has to start again, in South Carolina, then so be it."


"Boy, I knows that Jorjuh, and Alabamya, Texish, and Eyediho will follow our lead, and we'll hang that Nigra from a sour apple tree."

"You mean. . .?"

"States Rights Boy,  Don't have nuthin' to do with the President bein' a Nigra, it has to do with States Rights."

"Excuse me."

"Where ya goin' boy, was the truth too much fer ya?"

"I'm going to go to the very first military enlistment office I can find.  Our country needs me."

"Hee hee, well, we'll whip your asses fer good, this time."

"Well thank you everyone for a very spirited discussion.  That's all we have time for now on BEAT THE PRESS, but stay tuned for our next segment, with former the Prime Minister of Great Britain, Tony "the poodle" Blair, discussing his new book "George & Me and a Dog named Blue."




Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:05 PM EDT
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Saturday, September 12, 2009
Ain't Got No Friends To Go Our Bail
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Birmingham Jail" (5)

"Sometimes I sits and watches.  Sometimes I just sits."--author unknown. 

Many years ago, Frodo was in one of those elongated sessions whose functional purpose was to develop the professional skills of the Hobbit.  Amid a tour of the administrative records available in Jefferson County, Alabama, Frodo happened upon the gentleman whose responsibility was the local penal system.  The gentleman happened to be the brother of the recently-dismissed Manager of the Atlanta Braves Baseball Team.  It was an interesting and star-crossed discussion between two baseball fans, which ended with an invitation to Frodo and his companions (none of whom were Members of the Ring) to tour the Birmingham Jail.  Given that training sessions lasting more than 55 minutes generally suck beyond all comprehension, the invitation was readily accepted.

Frodo had probably never seen so many black people compressed into one building in his entire life, before or since.  Depression and angst deepened in the Hobbit as he listened to the cheerful warbling of his new-found friend who exulted in the sparkling clean facility housing those whose actions mandated confinement.  Frodo had little to say, and dropped back to the further reaches of the touring group.

Eventually, the entire group was brought into a single large room, with a line of individual cells against the rear wall.  One of the empty cells was smaller than all the rest, and it was apparent that it was designed for a single occupant.  When all were gathered therein, Frodo, now being far-removed from the tour guide, was standing in front of the single-occupant cell.  The Tour Guide waited untill all was quiet, then proudly announced that Frodo was standing in front of the cell that had housed Martin Luther King.  He asked if anyone would like to share in that experience.

Frodo pulled the door opened, entered the cell, and sat down on the metallic floor.  Frodo recalls only the peeling paint, and the rust-colored undercoat.  The structure was cool to the touch.  The Tour Guide slammed the door shut, and everyone laughed.  Except Frodo.  Frodo closed his eyes and let his thoughts broadcast a feature film into his memory.  When the door was opened again, Frodo just sat there, etching a few moments into his soul. 

When the tour was completed, Frodo thanked his host, and walked out into the sunshine.

The Men of Gondor joined Frodo yesterday, a day that seemingly symbolizes quiet reflection, in a tour of the home into which Martin Luther King was borne.  Sitting on Auburn Avenue, the home cost King's father $3500 when it was purchased and the property yet remains owned by his survivors.  All of the nearby homes are owned by the US Park Service, have been restored to their historic grandeur, and are held as rental housing with the Park Service as landlord.  Those few blocks look, as much as possible, just like they did when young Martin was formative.

After lunching at nearby "Thelma's" on ribs and black-eyed peas, cornbread, and sweet tea, Frodo noted the omipresent panhandlers and homeless up and down Auburn Avenue.  Every corner, except those in the museum and restored areas, was crowded with black faces, gaunt and drawn.   Each seemed to have his (or her) own approach to a potential target like Frodo.  The object being to engage him in conversation, make eye contact, and then secure some "spare change."

Driving back to Mount Doom in his motorcar, Frodo thought only of how crowded that single jail cell in his memory now seems to have become.  There was no sunshine, just a gray sky, and a roadsign pointing to "75 North," toward home. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:18 AM EDT
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Friday, September 4, 2009
Time Has Stood Still Since We've Been Apart
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Escalator Escalatin'"(5)

Frodo is not one for serials.  Readers, to paraphrase Forrest Gump, are never sure what they're going to get when they click on the appropriate links to the Hobbit.  Except this time.

The Hobbit is increasingly concerned about events in another part of the world, again.  This, perhaps because of clamor in the media about all sorts of domestic issues, is not receiving enough careful analysis by the inhabitants of Middle Earth.  Frodo believes that the "heavy lifting" on healthcare reform is done, and that what remains is implementation.  Not to discount the importance of the issue, but Frodo, as explained a bit below, thinks another worm from the flick "Tremors" is in pursuit of the protagonists of truth and justice.

Reports this morning of 90 more Afghan deaths, 40 of whom are civilians, by "coalition" efforts underscore Frodo's concern.  Frodo knows, dear reader, that you know that there are 58,000 (give or take) American troops in Afghanistan right now.  Frodo also knows that you know, dear reader, that there is a very distinct probability that these numbers will increase significantly in days to come.  What Frodo also believes however, dear reader, is that you didn't know that there are 72,000 American mercenaries, also, in Afghanistan, at this very moment.  These are "employees" of firms with familiar sounding names, e.g. Halliburton, Blackwater, et al.

Anticipating your mental questioning, know that these "employees" are not subject to the terms of the Geneva Convention.  What's more, there is no distinct definition as to their duties and responsibilities.  That means that they can use deadly force if there is a perception of threat to life or property, and that their conduct is often intermingled, in the minds of the Afghani civilian population, with that of the regular Armed Forces.  The "employee" of Blackwater who sprays a truck with an automatic weapon is not viewed as an "employee," he is viewed as an American.  Perhaps it is better to refer to him as an "Ugly American." 

The reference above to a great narrative that is now more than forty years old is intentional.  The fact that there are more "employees" in Afghanistan than there are American soldiers should make everyone stop and ask the questions that are now running through your head, dear reader. 

Frodo is a believer in the fact that War should be expensive.  War should drain national wealth, it should cost many lives, it should produce immeasurable suffering.  For Frodo believes that the only way that History has shown the successful prevention of War is by the exposure of its terrible potential result.  It is a bad idea to seek to make War cost-effective by, for example, out-sourcing the responsibility for War to an "employee."  There is no room for "the best and the brightest" graduates of MBA School in the decision-making process leading to War.

We've been there, done that.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:28 AM EDT
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Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Tell All The Folks In Russia And China, Too
Mood:  loud
Topic: "Bleached Bones" (5)

Alexander the Great conquered the known world by the time he was 33 years of age.  Scrounging for a little perspective, Frodo noted that his forward progress was halted by the nickel defense utilized by the Camels of Afghanistan.

Crucified between his 33rd and 34th years, Jesus of Nazareth and his Band of Reknown arranged concerts and sent thank-you notes to their fans in Ephesus, Rome, and other campuses throughout the world as they knew it.  There is no record of any performance in Kabul.

Frodo read the James Michener book "Caravans" several years ago, and has subsequently paid homage to the writer who describes exactly how it has come to be that certain locations on our small, blue planet are so truly desolate.  It should be noted that he also wrote "Texas," which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that he therefore was not required to write a book entitled "Hell."  This book was enough to convince Frodo that the Khyber Pass would not be included in his popularly-defined "bucket list."

What this little discussion does reflect is Frodo's increasing concern over the presence of Hobbits, Riders of Rohan, Dwarves, and Men of Gondor in a place that even Jesus didn't think was worth any of his 33 years.  Frodo is even more concerned that the greatest military leader of almost any age had his butt kicked by guys who looked much then as they do today.  The difference being that now they have RPG's and IED's (Frodo hopes that he has not confused his acronyms and erroneously described something inter-uterine).

It is easy to accept that the pursuit of mindless Orcs is a challenge which remains from the mishandling of the Incomparable Moron and his Puppeteer from Transylvania.  There is however, little evidence that the dissenters from the Koran remain in Afghanistan.  Those getting killed do include an awful lot of people who haven't done anything to anybody.  So what in the blazes are we doing there?  Why does Frodo spend time scanning the obtuaries to see if some kid he knows has just been blown to pieces?

If Frodo is wrong, then he errs on the side of the good guys.  He'd prefer not to see his healthcare dollars consumed by the Veterans Administration. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:18 PM EDT
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Sunday, August 30, 2009
Afraid And Shy, I Let My Chance Go By
Mood:  down
Topic: "Tokyo Rush" (5)

Iva Ikuko Toguri developed an existing American import business, which continues some 61 years after she last went on trial for treason.  "Tokyo Rose" was the moniker given to the voices that drifted across lines of battle separating the "Greatest Generation" from the homeland they defended.  History has proven that there was no single voice dubbed "Tokyo Rose," in fact, the title itself was created by the soldiers who were subject to the broadcasts from behind enemy lines.  After the War, Toguri admitted to being "Tokyo Rose" in order to receive food and consumer products from reporters and military investigators (perhaps adding credence to the fact that one will admit to almost anything if enough pressure is applied).

Frodo has long contemplated the impact of radio on the psyche of those who spent countless hours listening to it.  Frodo has commented often on his long trips by motorcar, in the dead of night, listening to "John R" and "Jerry" .  It was the music that drew Frodo, but it was the romance of faraway places with strange sounding names that kept him tuned in.  Similarly, it was 78 RPM records in English played to lonesome boys in trenches halfway around the world that made an audience for "Tokyo Rose."  Today however, there is no music at all.

Frodo commits about 10 minutes a week to the airings of Rush Limbaugh.  Over the past couple of years, Frodo has come to believe that a goodly number of the call-ins to Limbaugh come either from those at work who travel by car and use their cellphone, or are "shut-in" for any number of reasons.  The universe that responds to the verbal diatribe have rejected the call of music during mid-day, and instead seek to voice the frustrations which accompany daylight hours.  Frodo does not seek to carry this theory to all of "talk radio," only to the Limbaugh audience to which he has paid attention.

Frustration is a breeding ground for outrageous behavior.  A simple germ of veracity, wrapped in the preposterous, is the formula used by Limbaugh to extend his influence.  Although he plays no music, he offers the entertainment that comes with the self-righteousness to which all are susceptible.  Who among us, dear reader, doesn't occasionally feel "put upon" by elements of our world, beyond our control?  This, argues Frodo, is not a great deal of different from the Hobbit dreaming of kisses in the dark or a soldier boy who wanted to go home and make babies.  It is "those guys" who make it difficult for us in radioland, and Rush Limbaugh keeps reminding people that they lost a sale, or have arthritis, and he alone understands their pain.

Tokyo Rush.  Call a spade a spade.  Pass it on.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:48 AM EDT
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Friday, August 28, 2009
Who Is The Coolest Guy, What Is, What Am?
Mood:  cool
Topic: "Mohair Sam" (5)

All of Middle Earth is looking back tonight, in hopes of moving forward in days to come.  Sad it is that some events are overshadowed when eras collide, and choices are made, that are much bigger than whatever channel one watches on the black-and-white.  Frodo planned, as a result, to walk away from his gallant Braves in order to listen to the impossible dream, then to take note, dear reader, of something you probably never knew, but now may never forget.

The Beach Boys, not unlike many performers, were constantly approached by total strangers who just happened to be aspiring songwriters, having composed, coincidentally, the next major chart-buster for the chroniclers of the little deuce coupe.  One of those actual approaching aspirants went on to ignominy, rather than songwriting, his name was Charles Manson.

For reasons such as the above, it is understandingly very difficult for performers to meet each other in a casual setting.  After many attempts, and a long period of time, 44 years ago this evening, the most influential artists in all the world met, for the first time, informally, in the Los Angeles suburb of Bel Air.

The young men from Liverpool ducked down so that their motorcar could pass safely through the throng of young ladies gathered outside the gates of the rented California mansion.  When the group entered the room where he was, they noticed the musical instruments scattered all about, and after greetings were shared they sat down and mutually wondered what would come next.  Elvis finally said to John, "Well, if all you're going to do is stare at me, I think I'll go to bed."

After George returned from a little smoke around the pool, Elvis picked up a guitar, perched upon a bar stool, and started to strum a song making its round of poular radio of the day.  Paul remarked, "Hey, he's one of my favorites."

"Mine too," said Elvis, and after randomly securing scattered instruments, the Beatles joined in a jam session commencing with a rendition of "Mohair Sam," recorded by Charlie Rich.

"Charlie Rich?  You mean the guy who sang 'The Most Beautiful Girl,' 'Behind Closed Doors,' and had that bizzaro hair-do," queried Frodo?

Elvis Presley and the Beatles, perhaps the greatest assemblage of performing artists in the Post-War World, gathered together in friendship for the first time 44 years ago this evening, and they played and sang a Charlie Rich song together.

If that don't beat all.

Just a damn good thing they didn't watch Hee-Haw.

"Well-who is the hippie that's happenin' all over our town?  Tearin' up chicks with the message that he lays down.  Who is the coolest guy, what is, what am?  That's fast-talkin'-slow walkin'-good lookin' Mohair Sam. . ."

(1975 performance available on YouTube)


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:54 PM EDT
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Sunday, August 23, 2009
Lay Your Head Upon My Pillow
Mood:  hug me
Topic: "Elizabeth I" (5)

In jest, if not in truth, Frodo and Sam have always responded to inquiries about Fiona's parentage as "she is a minature Chocolate Lab."  Satisfying some, but mystifying most, that the twenty-nine pound brown mound of reknown is of a breed that until that point in time was unknown, has given special interest to those who go beyond in order to learn her name.  Children, especially little girls, immediately relate to her as the Princess from Shreck ("the most beautiful girl in the world") and would be disappointed to find out that the name emanates from a PBS disc jockey.  Some things in childhood are best left unsaid.

Fiona is clearly Sam's dog, however adventure beckons with Frodo, and weekends, either at Lake Lovey or in the Shire, are spent in close proximity to the leader of the pack.  Two weekends ago, Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog, rode in the back seat of Frodo's motorcar in order to explore the Appalachian stronghold sans the presence of Sam.  Unbeknownst to Frodo until his return to the Shire, Fiona picked up some sort of infection, or bite, and spent the next several days biting on her own butt.  The resulting loss of hair and discoloration gave Frodo and Sam great concern, but the trusty associates at the Shire Veterinary Clinic were prompt to respond with a planned course of treatment.

When Frodo returned from his labors that day at Mount Doom, he was greeted by Fiona wearing one of those Elizabethan-style plastic funnels around her neck.  Frodo's first words to Sam were "Error Will Robinson, Error," for he surely assumed that the very determined canine would make short work of this alien contraption.  All knowingly, he observed as she bumped into chairs, plants, Mr. Beau Neau McKitty, and almost everything in the planned trajectory of her travels about the Shire.  Surely, he felt, this monstrosity will be in pieces when Frodo awakened the next morning, or so he thought.

Just before retiring each evening, Frodo takes Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog, outside for the last urinary dispatch before bed.  Usually, Fiona goes directly to the lowest-mounted of the bird feeders in the Gardens of the Shire, in order to check on alien life forms attempting felonious activity.  The result generally being that once alerted the mouse, or mice, who have broken into the "squirrel-proof" feeders, flee ahead of Fiona and her efforts at the restoration of justice.  This time, however, something unique happened when Fiona snapped at the targeted mouse, and found that the escaping miscreant was trapped within the geographic scope of the collar, and the snapping molars of Fiona, the Merciless.

Frodo was stunned to watch sweet, little Fiona swing the mouse violently about in her jaws, and then to spit the lifeless carcass at the feet of Frodo.   Frodo had never before gazed into the countenance of one so similar in attitude to Attila the Hun.

Before the week of collar-wearing treatment was concluded, the corpus delicti count had reached three, and a probable temporary depletion of the vermin population was evident to even the casual observer.  Fiona had exhibited absolutely no problems in adapting to her new coiffure.

The collar has now been removed, and life is returning to normal, along with the fur all around Fiona's butt.  Fiona lies by Frodo's feet as he types these lines (she has always enjoyed being in the room while Frodo "chases the mouse").  Her feet kick in dreams, her nose twitches, and she shakes her head to-and-fro.  

Scratch one mouse at Heaven's Door.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:22 PM EDT
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Saturday, August 22, 2009
Heal The Sick, Raise The Dead
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: "Obama's Generals"(5)

"President Obama Sir, we have a problem."

"A problem, you say?  I'm not sure we can limit our challenges to the singular Press Secretary Frodo."

"Sir, this guy Winfield Scott, as Commanding General of the Army, is a dinosaur.  There is no way we can meet the challenges of the latter-half of the 19th Century with him in charge of the Armed Forces."

"Well Frodo, if you'll recall, the cornerstone of my election campaign was the issue of change.  General Scott has served his country well, but I'm kind of leaning to this guy McClellan to replace him."

"McClellan?  Are you crazy?  That guy is the closest thing to Caesar's Cassius."

"He does have a 'lean and hungry' look, doesn't he?"

"Sir, he's a back-stabber, who uses words like 'bi-partisan' while he rips your heart out from behind."

"Well what about Ambrose Burnside?  He's a patrician, and those prominent 'sideburns' bring attention as soon as he enters a room."

"Yeah, but he is as dumb as a stump, and is probably better off working on a farm in Crawford, Texas."


"Never mind.  How about 'Fighting Joe' Hooker?  As they say, 'he takes no prisoners,' and he will quickly win the trust of the soldiers themselves."

"I just keep coming back to McClellan."

"Lord God Almighty, anybody but McClellan.  How about George Meade?" 

"I'm afraid we could hand him certain victory, and he'd stop to water his horse."

"Well, no arguments there.  You could try Henry Halleck."

"Halleck?  He could be in that job for three years before his secretary would recognize him."

"Ha, that's good.  You know, you could take a turn on the kids Sheridan or Sherman?"

"Well, you mentioned the problem there.  Neither one of them are barely prepared for anything beyond one Army, much less all of them.  I just wonder if McClellan isn't capable of growing into the job?"

"Sir, I'm telling you, that guy is a snake, and he will end up challenging you and your authority as leader of the free states."

"You know, maybe we need to get back once again to what we said we were going to do, and make a complete change."

"Sir, I'm telling you, doing nothing is not an alternative.  Winfield Scott can't handle it, and relying on somebody like McClellan to follow your orders would destroy all of your political capital with your supporters, and God knows we've lost almost all of them already.  In fact, some of the newspapers are reporting that you might not win re-election."

"I didn't take this job to stay in it the rest of my life."

"I know Sir, but my point is that people are questioning your ability to lead, particularly in this, the greatest potential crisis of confidence our young country has ever faced."

"Frodo, I know all of that.  I fully intend to live up to my committments, and one of those was to try and end the violence, the enmity that exists between North and South.  I may stumble a time or two, particularly with a General like McClellan, but, hopefully, the principles outlined by our fledgling democracy in our blessed Constitution and Declaration of Independence will temper the ill will that divides our nation."

"Sir, that's why I'm here."

"I, too, Mr. Frodo."

"Excuse me Sir, I have a problem to take up with General Scott before you meet with him."

"Oh, and what is that?"

"I'm not sure, it has something to do with one of our Generals who has been drinking on the job."

"Ha.  Sounds like he may be the only one with a shred of sense."   


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:23 PM EDT
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Tuesday, August 18, 2009
One Love, One Heart, Let's Get Together And Feel All Right
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: "Reimers' Rhymers"(5)

Frodo feels no sorrow noting the passing of one who lived a bit longer than 96 years.  He was struck however by his immediate recognition of the man's words, if not his name.  The retired actor and TV announcer, Ed Reimers, died at his daughter's home in Saratoga Springs, New York, on Sunday.  For 22 years, starting in 1957, Reimers was best remembered for his words on behalf of his employer, "You're in good hands with Allstate."

What tickled Frodo's fantasy however were the obituary-like references to his other assignments as the voice of something well-known during Frodo's Hobbithood.   It seems that Reimers also served as the announcer for the black-and white Western "Maverick" which made James Garner its star.  Frodo chuckled when reminded that Reimers also served as the announcer for the TV Game Show "Do You Trust Your Wife?"

Hmmm, "Maverick," "Do You Trust Your Wife?," and "You're in good hands with Allstate."  Sounds like the rudimentary construction of sentences in the South Carolina Governor's Mansion, doesn't it?  Or maybe once upon a time in Alaska?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:17 PM EDT
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