Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Saturday, March 13, 2010

I'm Over My Head, But It Sure Feels Nice
Mood:

energetic
Topic: "Not North Carolina" (6)

During the 1984-85 college basketball season, Frodo and Sam were being held as Prsioners of War in Philadelphia. The only socially redeeming aspect of that time was to be an observer of the rivalry between the teams at Villanova and at Georgetown University. Georgetown, led by John Thompson and his super-star Patrick Ewing, were successful combatants in their two regular season games against their arch-rival group of mackeral snappers. Rollie Massimino led a rag-tag group of inner-city kids all the way through the NCAA tournament, only to find themselves, once again, paired against the behemoths from Georgetown. The predictions, virtually unanimous, were that Villanova would get its come-uppance in the National Championship game, the third meeting between the two teams in the same season, and all would bow to the powers of the Hoyas.

Frodo was not so sure. Frodo, in fact, grew increasingly confident that the Villanova team, and their inspired coach, were saving their best for Georgetown. Frodo, given the eventual outcome, was viewed as a borderline psychic by some, and a virtual basketball genius by others. It was, however, the last successful prediction by Frodo in the outcome of the basketball pools now known almost universally as "March Madness."

Frank Mandel was a witness to the Frodo Magic. Every year since, he calls Frodo the very night that selections are made for the tournament, and the two old friends go over their respective charts, convinced, at last, that they are on the precipice of a return to that magical night of yesteryear. Last year, they both picked North Carolina. Yawn, like that really didn't count, since it was a year-long walkaway for the tar-footed supermen.

This year, Frodo is rolling the dice. There is no doubt that the Yellowjackets of Georgia Tech have the most talented athletes in the nation, but that fact is countered by the unbelievable inconsistency of America's youngest team. They can play like nobody's business for 20 or so minutes, then, without any explanation, can throw the ball away, fail to score, and appear totally befuddled, with their pants on the ground. Their coach, the Barack Obama lookalike Paul Hewitt seems absolutely impervious to the application of teamwork and sound judgment to those whom he attracted to the South's pre-eminent technical training institute. Frodo has got to be out of his mind for this prediction.

Ah, but that is why it is fun. If they lose, nobody will remember Frodo's madness. If they do, indeed, win, then Frodo will never let you forget.

Hey, Frodo could also have picked Vermont.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:27 PM EST

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Friday, March 12, 2010

I'll Do Funny Things If You Want Me To, I'm Your Puppet
Mood:

not sure
Topic: "Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."--Isaac Newton (Sir, to the uninitiated).

The Laws of Newtonian Physics have a certain applicability to human behavior. Taking the example above, Frodo knows that if he were to walk up to any member of any "Tea Party" organization and call that person an "anal opening on a mammalian" that he could reasonably anticipate some level of indignant response (albeit borderline intelligible). Extrapolating the action to the theory, Frodo can say that certain behaviors are going to result in something which is either predictable or which should have been expected.

Let's consider, says Frodo, the apparently thoughtless announcement by the Government of Israel that they were planning to proceed with the construction of housing on the West Bank, while the Vice President of the United States was present in their country. The United States had not been notified of the decision and, in fact, Biden was there to encourage further negotiations on this and other matters producing discord in the Middle East. One might assume that this was a faux pas.

If one made such an assumption, then one is demonstrably naive.

Frodo asks one to consider that visit, not so long ago, when the young President made his first sojourn to the Middle East. Not only did President Obama visit several Arab nations, but he also delivered a brilliant manifesto regarding the policy of the United States to work closely with all parties in the region in pursuit of peace. The fact that he did not visit Israel, who legitimately feels itself to be America's closest ally in the region, was a tactical decision made, apparently, to add a level of credibility to the hand offered to suspicious Muslims, around the world. It also pissed off the Israelis, big time.

It was a slap in the face to the Israelis that the President visit their geographical neighbors, and not even stop by and say "Howdy-Doo."

So why would anybody be surprised that the proud, if not obstinate, Israelis didn't feel it necessary to remind the United States that one turn deserves another? We may still be friends, even if we have a little tussle in the grass from time-to-time, but neither party should take the other for granted. The Vice President was the vessel.

President Obama is the recipient of an equal, and opposite, reaction. All of a sudden that great speech he made begins to drift off into the sands of time. Frodo suggests that the President strongly consider what Sir Isaac had to say when struck by an apple falling from a tree. He might also wear a helmet and count his fingers when next he shakes the hand of Mr. Netanyahu.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:31 PM EST

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Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Don't Know Where To Go, Who To See? God, I Gotta Get Away From Here
Mood:

down
Topic: "Media Reporting" (6)

Dr. Frodo, King of the Behavioral Scientists, quotes tonight from a recent study by the University of Georgia. Surprisingly, the study does not involve sports, alcohol, or groping, but that is not the reason that Frodo took note of its content. The report found that media reporting during the the recent presidential campaign did little to clarify the public perception of President Obama's faith.

2400 people were surveyed at three different points during the campaign to see if exposure to news media helped to correct misperceptions. The survey asked the same people the same questions in October, September, and November of 2008. The study found that about 20 percent of Americans believed that then-Senator Obama was a Muslim despite news stories and fact-checking Web sites that attempted to debunk the rumor. The percentages stayed pretty much the same throughout the study, except, strangely enough, for the fact that there was movement within the people surveyed. Some people, it seems, who initially perceived Obama as Christian early in the study changed their minds, as did some others who initially perceived him as Muslim.

The study was able to conclude that respondents who were younger, less educated, less politically interested, politically conservative, or believed in a literal translation of the Bible were more likely to be among those who shifted their perception from Christian to Muslim. These people, the study summarized, are generally distrustful of the mainstream media and therefore more likely to believe just the opposite of what journalists have to say. Georgia Professor Barry Hollander is quoted as saying "With most forms of political knowledge, media should theoretically make you more accurate. In this case, media exposure had no effect. Ultimately the message here is that people believe what they want to believe."

At the University of Georgia, concludes Frodo, it is to hurry on down to the sports bar and get a look at the hooters.

We're Number One.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:18 PM EST

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Thursday, March 4, 2010

It Takes Two Baby
Mood:

vegas lucky
Topic: "Double Deal" (6)

Just about the time Frodo begins to exhibit concern about the state of the world, something comes along to remind him that the opposition, although loyal, is just about the dumbest collection of characters on God's green earth. By that, Frodo does not dwell on Karl Rove's assertion that the Bush Administration would "probably not" have gone to war in Iraq had they known there were no "weapons of mass destruction." Rather, it is the unbelievable antics of a nondescript Congressman who is about to slip into the state of ignominy that he has truly earned.

Nathan Deal, once a Democrat, but now a Republican, announced YESTERDAY that he was resigning his seat in the US House of Representatives in order to concentrate on his race for the position of Governor, in his home state of Georgia. TODAY however, Representative Deal announced a change of plans so that he could adequately represent the opinions of his constituents in looming climactic votes on healthcare reform.

Between these polar positions there stands a conversation with the National Republican Party, which asserted that they were "unaware" of Representative Deal's initial decision.

Representative Deal, it should be added, denies the allegations of his political enemies that he directed federal contracts towards businesses controlled by family members.

Frodo is struck by the changing of times down South. He remembers when his father would only buy a Zenith TV or a Pontiac motorcar. It was as if there were a vested interest between company and consumer, and by supporting one religiously there was a level of quality assurance to be assumed, forever. Now, there are Congressmen everywhere who were "one thing before they became another," and, not unlike the former presidential aspirant now mocked, "they were for it before they were against it."

It is very likely that healthcare reform will pass and soon be signed by the President of the United States. It is also likely that Nathan Deal will not only fail to win the governorship in Georgia, but he will lose the nomination of his own (now) party. He will also, of course, be out-of-luck should he, again, decide to withdraw from his congressional position. The only negative that Frodo evaluates from this turn of events is that there will be one more unemployed person in America, and he will be named Nathan Deal.

Some days, good things happen when you least expect it.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:56 PM EST

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Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Here's To You, Mrs. Robinson
Mood:

don't ask
Topic: "Strangerthan fiction"(6)

As discussed several days ago, the Speaker of the Georgia House of Representatives was forced to resign when his wife publicly disclosed his infidelity. Glenn Richardson, necessarily also represented a segment of Paulding County, Georgia, in the State House. A special election was held to replace Richardson, and what transpired from the electorate is almost difficult to explain.

Daniel Stout, a 29 year-old community banker, won a three-way election in the heavily-Republican electoral area. The election was decided by less than 5 percent of the county's voters. This, despite the fact that Stout was forced to explain the affair, which took place ten years ago, with his mother-in-law, while he was still married to her daughter. Stout, it should be noted, is a supporter of anti-choice legislation, smaller government, and lower taxes.

A representative of the local "Right to Life," and a mother of six, said she supported Stout in the election because she's been impressed by his solid second marriage. She dismissed the affair as a mistake of youth.

Stout did remarry in 2005 and he remains close to the daughter from that first marriage. The identity and the age of the daughter's mother was not disclosed.

Frodo is taking bets.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:47 PM EST

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Monday, March 1, 2010

You Better Take Care of Business Mr. Businessman
Mood:

down
Topic: "What Goes Around" (6)

Saint George, the subject of a discussion some months ago, is he who involved Frodo in the annual bell-ringing in behalf of the Salvation Army. He is one of the kindest, most community-minded individuals that Frodo has ever known. He participates in the annual census of the homeless in Atlanta, and can always be counted upon to offer time and service to worthy causes.

More than a year ago, Saint George and his Honey had scheduled a vacation cruise commencing in Chile, circling the South American continent, and ending in Miami. The beginning leg of their journey was a flight from Atlanta to Santiago, where they would spend a night or two in a hotel and spend the free day touring the charm of the city, before boarding ship.

The trip began innocently enough, and after their arrival and check-in at their hotel, the good people decided to take a walk out the front door of the hotel in order to get their body clocks in operation. Not ten feet outside, Honey was knocked to the pavement by a thief absconding with her handbag. The result was a broken hip, ribs, and significant, unidentifiable pain in her lumbar region. She was rushed to a hospital, and spent the next five days in intensive care, rather than beneath an umbrella on the deck of a cruise ship. The refugee from justice escaped.

Honey still limps noticeably, according to Saint George, and she is generally confined to a wheelchair. Sometimes, thinks Frodo, bad things do happen to good people.

Frodo has been watching the devastation and the carnage surrounding the earthquake and tsunami which has stricken Chile. Frodo knows that neither Saint George nor Honey share his feelings this evening, but he can't help but hope that something bad has happened to that jerk that caused so much pain.

Frodo, too, is imperfect. He is merely a Hobbit.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:06 PM EST

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Sunday, February 28, 2010

Devil Or Angel? I Can't Make Up My Mind.
Mood:

chatty
Topic: "It's A Trap" (6)

There is a debate tonight in the sovereign State of Mississippi, in order for the student body at Ole Miss to determine whether or not to replace "Colonel Reb" as mascot of the school's sports teams. Despite the "political correctness" of the decision, it struck Fropo's fancy that some true soul-searching was evident whence he noted the competition.

Admiral Ackbar, the fishy-faced rebel commander from the original "Star Wars" movie was supported by students who felt that the movie score would provide an outstanding back drop for halftime.

Sir William Wallace, the rebel Scot commander portrayed by Mel Gibson in "Braveheart," who also tends to be the namesake of more than one Scottish-descended Confederate.

Spartacus, the commanding leader of a slave revolt against mighty Rome, portrayed by Kirk Douglas in the movie of the same name.

Vince Everett, the rebellious character portrayed by Elvis Presley in the movie, "Jailhouse Rock," who might also offer a few tunes for halftime.

Appropriate it is, thought Frodo, that the audio and the visual art form are the apparent sources for the distinguished nominees. What bothers him however, is that "Spartacus," for example, was produced in 1960, meaning therefore that votes were submitted by "students" as old as 60.

Is it any wonder that the Ole Miss sports teams suck?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:18 PM EST

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Saturday, February 27, 2010

Oh Bla Di, Oh Bla Da, Life Goes On
Mood:

lucky
Topic: "Change a'comin" (5)

First there was the Goddess Athena, then she who was to be known as Merry, followed by Ted (who sailed with Odysseus), and others who happened upon the words of he who personified the Hobbit. Thus was born by suggestion he whose words, thoughts, and deeds, are chronicled upon the miasma of that which was once papyrus. The morrow will change a single number, as the tales of the Hobbit rapidly approach 1000 in total. The number, he supposes, will continue to grow.

It has been suggested that a "Best of Frodo'" would offer potential commercial success. Noted also is the desire by many Texans and other borderline lunatics to eradicate all trace of the offal which offends their sensitivities. What neither seem to realize is that the Hobbit is merely the most ancient of those who first walked upright, and gathered about a fire, to share warmth and to tell stories. Stories which brought laughter and tears to the camaraderie of those who struggled through each night in the simple hope to merely greet another morning.

One of those in the Fellowship told Frodo that he spent three hours one day simply reading the most current entry, and then the one prior to that, and so on. At that point he attempted to document the subject matter, for future reference. His conclusion was that, not unlike the words of Forrest Gump, one will never know what one gets in Frodo's box of chocolates, if, indeed, anything at all. It is that diversity which maintains the interest of the Hobbit himself, and allows him to open his soul to those similarly fixated by the infinite combinations of the written word.

There are great struggles before the Hobbit and the Fellowship, but he refuses to allow threat to dominate his attention to the footfalls which mark his journeys. He is fortunate that some choose to join him with sword and shield abreast to confront the power of the Ring. It is not for them alone that he composes, rather it is for himself, and the smiles that he sees in his mind's eye, from those who share the firelight.

Happy Birthday to us all, ye good and gentle souls.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:51 AM EST

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Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I Get Down On My Knees And Pray, We Won't Be Fooled Again
Mood:

irritated
Topic: "Tiger By The Tail" (5)

Frodo is acquainted with a "Groupie." She collects autographs. Frodo knows this because, as a gift, she gave him several signatures which, she thought, would be impressive to him and perhaps someday of pecuniary value. From time-to-time Frodo fingers through his inventory noting the primary presence of professional athletes and concert performers (Frodo divulging only that the names Presley, Simpson, and Woods are absent). Most recently, he considered the collection after listening to the CBS Evening News devote twelve minutes of broadcast time to the "Confessions of Tiger Woods," at the beginning of the show.

Frodo was struck by the commentary from one of the Woods' "conquests" who noted that "Tiger" had apologized to everyone except those in her particular grouping. She attempted to relate the rehabilitation process undergone by Mr. Woods as somewhat similar to the "twelve-step process" in which those addicted to alcoholic beverages participate. Her point being that the "addict" must first apologize to everyone

Frodo has not heard anyone make the point that the "Groupies" are everywhere, and that those in public life fall to temptation due to sheer volume, at least occasionally. Frodo has often thought about the distinction between "conquest" and "gift-giving." Cocktail waitresses, at least those in the acquaintance of Mr. Woods, surely, must be blessed, because of their proclivity to instill gifts upon those with whom they can share a few moments of fame, and perhaps receive an autograph. Frodo likes to feel that, as a virtual unknown, he earned it, the old fashioned-way(regretting only that he failed to work even harder in times past).

Frodo wandered into the subject-area not because he advocates or decries the "treatment" offered the apologetic protagonist, but because he wonders about the psyche of those who see themselves as innocents in the process. Some fruit falls from the branch before it is plucked, he supposes.

Wanna bet there isn't a political message in here somewhere?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:49 PM EST

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Thursday, February 18, 2010

I've Got a Brand New Pair Of Roller Skates, You've Got a Brand New Key
Mood:

don't ask
Topic: "Another Three-namer"(5)

"Commissioner Frodo, I would like to express my appreciation for your willingness to testify before this Committee, investigating the performance and subsequent recall of Toyota automotive products. . ."

"Uh, Senator Useless (R-GA), excuse me, but I am not here to testify about Toyota, or any other automotive issue."

"Oh, pardon me, Commissioner, I'm afraid that I got my teleprompter notes confused, I realize that you're here to discuss the Public Option. . ."

"Senator, I'm the Commissioner of Internal Revenue."

"Well, what are you doing here in this Healthcare Committee hearing? Is this another effort by the Administration to. . ."

"Senator, unless I am mistaken, this Hearing, which your office initiated, is intended to gather information about the events of this past Thursday in Austin, Texas."

"What happened?"

"That's why we're here."

"Why is that?"

"Senator, perhaps you'd like to consult with the Minority Chair, Senator Dimwit (R-SC), as to the purpose of this Hearing?"

A slight pause while a conversation takes place away from the microphones.

"I see now, Commissioner Frodo, you're here to help those of us concerned about America's security figure out exactly who this terrorist was that destroyed Federal Property in Austin, and what we can do to see that this Administration begins to do something about these threats to the safety of the American people."

"If that's your purpose, so be it Senator, but let me say that there is no evidence to support this tragedy as anything approaching anything other than the act of a person deranged."

"Hmph, I assume, Commissioner, that you've read the document prepared by Mr. Andrew Joseph Stack which he posted on the Internet prior to his alleged attack on the Austin District Office of the IRS?"

"I have read the document, Senator."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Is it true?"

"Is what true? There are more than 5,000 rambling words in the statement."

"Commissioner, you know damn well, that this letter was a cry for help by another Middle-Class American put upon by an oppressive giant behemoth called the Federal Government."

"Senator, I could not begin to speculate on the motivation of this individual, and, as you know, I am unable to comment on any knowledge I may or may not have about the dealings the IRS may or may not have had previously with Mr. Stack."

"Say what? You mean you won't tell this Committee what the Government did to drive this poor man to such an insane act? Is this another act of "transparency" under President Obama?"

"Senator, the Congress of the United States, in its wisdom, has issued laws and regulations which specifically prohibit any IRS employee from commenting on the tax affairs of any individual, absent the written approval of the taxpayer himself."

"Even if the taxpayer is dead?"

"That is correct."

"Well, that's a damn dumb law."

"Senator, since all of the tax laws and regulations under the Internal Revenue Code are initiated in Congress, it is probably impolitic of you to criticize your own work without accepting the blame for the confusion, the complexity, and the unfairness thereof. In the Shire, one might say that it would be fitting for the "fox to smell his own hole first'."

"The Committee thanks the Commissioner. . ."

"Senator, one more thing if you please, there is nothing keeping you from releasing information about who this guy was, and what his problems were."

The Senator's bad knee was bothering him, so he exited the Hearing Room without further comment.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:23 PM EST

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