Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Blamin' It On The Nights On Broadway
Mood:

cheeky
Topic: "Silent, but deadly"(6)

"General MuckConnell, what do we do now? We've tried the Senate Parliamentarian, and that didn't get to first base. We filed lawsuits in 13 different states and even Chief Justice Rubber Butt couldn't come up with a precedent. We've tried to prove that the Bill will provide Viagra to Child Molesters. Nothing, it seems, will stop this juggernaut of Socialism. What do we do now?"

"Well, Corporal Cannotnor, I think Lieutenant Boner has a pretty decent suggestion. We'll get Governor Gentle and some of his computer genies to cut off their Google."

"Say what?"

"Google boy. We cut off their ability to ask questions and get answers. We need to learn from them Chinamen and just let out the information we want them to know."

"You mean to the Democrats?"

"No boy. I'm talkin' about our new found allies in the War Against Knowledge, the Sleaze Bag Party."

"You mean we cut off the internet to the Sleaze Bags and feed them what we want them to believe, then turn them loose."

"Now ya got it, ain't that right Boner?"

"Yessir General MuckConnell, we let them loose with Blech and Dimball leading the chants for the audio portion of the Friends at Faux News who will edit all the videotape."

"That's good Lieutenant Boner. Do we need to concern ourselves with the 'Mainstream Media' or them Commies on MSNBC?"

"Nosir General MuckConnell, we'll just use some of them same guys we used in Mississippi when Steve Allen had that Jamaican Jigaboo Harry Belafonte on his TV Show back in the 50's."

"I remember that," said Cantnotnor, "didn't they toss chains over the wires and cut off the TV reception everywhere in the State.?"

"Sure did boy. Sure was easier to cut off the news when it had wires attached, and there weren't none of this 'why-fie' and stuff like that."

"Lieutenant, have the buses from South Carolina, Texas, and Wasilla arrived yet?"

"Yessir General, and just like you suggested, the crowd is as diverse as we could possibly make it. Tomorrow mornin' we'll have white people, some with shoes even, and some very well fed. We will arrange for some to bathe in the Reflecting Pool, and we'll have some of them wax false teeth for those who might be interviewed by Dingleberry or Rudely."

"Well, that sounds fine. I guess it's 'Onward Christian Soldiers'" from here?"

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:01 PM EDT

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Thursday, March 18, 2010

It's Up To You To Do What Davy Crockett Said
Mood:

blue
Topic: "Medal of Honor" (6)

Frodo shuffled his feet, trying to establish some level of comfort, while seated in one of the desks designed for elementary school children. Even the Hobbit was uncomfortable in something this small. When finally called upon, he rose from the desk vowing to never again attempt a return to something some totally confining. He cleared his throat as he addressed the panel of educators.

"Ladies and gentlemen, in the entire history of Cobb County, Georgia, the single most significant historical event to have occurred within these boundaries took place when our ancestors were engaged in that great struggle which threatened to rend our nation. During those days, a group of Union soldiers and sympathizers slipped into this community incommunicado, and in what has since been dubbed 'The Great Train Robbery,' they stole a locomotive and headed due north with the hope of disrupting military transportation and destroying the railroad behind them."

Frodo had their attention, and he rose upon his tiptoes as he got to the crux of his speech. "These men were led by a civilian, from Ohio, named James J. Andrews, which explains why historians refer to the action as the 'Andrews Raid.' Those of you here today know that the Raiders were eventually captured just short of the Tennessee State Line, and were brought before the Confederate Military. Andrews and the other civilians in the band were executed as spies. Several of the soldiers had been killed in the action itself, and the remainder were sent to military prisons. Many people are unaware of the fact that several of the surviving soldiers were the very first recipients of what has since become America's greatest military honor, the Medal of Honor. The heroic Andrews, of course, was a civilian and was therefore not included in this number."

With little dabs of moisture in his eyes, Frodo then said, "Let me express my gratitude to you for considering my suggestion to name the newly-created School of the Shire the 'James J. Andrews Memorial School.' There is, at this time, no marker, no statue, no memorial to either Andrews or any of the heroes he lead in service to our country. Wouldn't it be grand to invite the descendants of Mr. Andrews to our community for the dedication? Wouldn't it be even grander to also invite Fess Parker, the immortal 'Davy Crockett', who played Andrews in the Disney movie about the raid? Can't you imagine how fondly our community would be portrayed by this act? A community in the heart of the rebel stronghold would stop to honor the first recipients of the Medal of Honor, and 'Davy Crockett' would be there, too."

Frodo received a nice round of applause. Afterwards, several of the judges came up to him and congratulated him for his presentation and for the wisdom of his appeal.

The school was named for the farmer who sold the land to the county for the construction of the school. A man who never completed the third grade.

Today, Fess Parker died. Few people will ever understand why a coonskin cap now rests this eve upon the front gate of the School of the Shire.

Frodo doesn't need it anymore.

Davy Crockett said, "Be sure you're right and then go ahead."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:52 PM EDT

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Sunday, March 14, 2010

Hey, Won't You Play Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song
Mood:

smelly
Topic: "Unmarked Grave" (6)

Henrietta Lacks died at age 31. Cervical Cancer took the life of a young mother. Her final days on our small blue planet were spent under the watchful eyes and treatment of those at Johns Hopkins. The finest treatment in the world was made available to a black woman, with five children, whose grave is unmarked today.

Without her knowledge, and during her treatment, cells were removed and used to create new cells, outside her body. This was the first instance in all of human history that cells were duplicated outside the human body. Years of research had gone into the effort to duplicate human cells, but not until this moment had any results been forthcoming. In her honor, these cells were dubbed "HELA" cells, and are today the cornerstone of many medical research products, including the vaccine subsequently developed by Dr. Jonas Salk. The utilization of these cells has not only advanced human life, but it has produced a great deal of income for an awful lot of people.

The five children of Henrietta Lacks, and their off-spring, were totally unaware of any of this until a medical researcher recently contacted the family in order to document additional genetic studies. It should go without saying that a sense of pride exists in that family. It should also be noted that one of those children owes more than $100,000 in unpaid medical bills because he does not have the financial resources to afford healthcare insurance coverage.

An anonymous source has donated sufficient funds for a marker to be placed on the Roanoke, Virginia, gravesite of Henrietta Lacks.

If we are fortunate enough to finally enact a measure of healthcare insurance reform in our great land, it will be as if another Mother's gift is made available to at least one of more than 30 million now uninsured. Marking her grave is the least we can do.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:52 AM EST

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Saturday, March 13, 2010

I'm Over My Head, But It Sure Feels Nice
Mood:

energetic
Topic: "Not North Carolina" (6)

During the 1984-85 college basketball season, Frodo and Sam were being held as Prsioners of War in Philadelphia. The only socially redeeming aspect of that time was to be an observer of the rivalry between the teams at Villanova and at Georgetown University. Georgetown, led by John Thompson and his super-star Patrick Ewing, were successful combatants in their two regular season games against their arch-rival group of mackeral snappers. Rollie Massimino led a rag-tag group of inner-city kids all the way through the NCAA tournament, only to find themselves, once again, paired against the behemoths from Georgetown. The predictions, virtually unanimous, were that Villanova would get its come-uppance in the National Championship game, the third meeting between the two teams in the same season, and all would bow to the powers of the Hoyas.

Frodo was not so sure. Frodo, in fact, grew increasingly confident that the Villanova team, and their inspired coach, were saving their best for Georgetown. Frodo, given the eventual outcome, was viewed as a borderline psychic by some, and a virtual basketball genius by others. It was, however, the last successful prediction by Frodo in the outcome of the basketball pools now known almost universally as "March Madness."

Frank Mandel was a witness to the Frodo Magic. Every year since, he calls Frodo the very night that selections are made for the tournament, and the two old friends go over their respective charts, convinced, at last, that they are on the precipice of a return to that magical night of yesteryear. Last year, they both picked North Carolina. Yawn, like that really didn't count, since it was a year-long walkaway for the tar-footed supermen.

This year, Frodo is rolling the dice. There is no doubt that the Yellowjackets of Georgia Tech have the most talented athletes in the nation, but that fact is countered by the unbelievable inconsistency of America's youngest team. They can play like nobody's business for 20 or so minutes, then, without any explanation, can throw the ball away, fail to score, and appear totally befuddled, with their pants on the ground. Their coach, the Barack Obama lookalike Paul Hewitt seems absolutely impervious to the application of teamwork and sound judgment to those whom he attracted to the South's pre-eminent technical training institute. Frodo has got to be out of his mind for this prediction.

Ah, but that is why it is fun. If they lose, nobody will remember Frodo's madness. If they do, indeed, win, then Frodo will never let you forget.

Hey, Frodo could also have picked Vermont.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:27 PM EST

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Friday, March 12, 2010

I'll Do Funny Things If You Want Me To, I'm Your Puppet
Mood:

not sure
Topic: "Psychiatrist,5 cents"(6)

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."--Isaac Newton (Sir, to the uninitiated).

The Laws of Newtonian Physics have a certain applicability to human behavior. Taking the example above, Frodo knows that if he were to walk up to any member of any "Tea Party" organization and call that person an "anal opening on a mammalian" that he could reasonably anticipate some level of indignant response (albeit borderline intelligible). Extrapolating the action to the theory, Frodo can say that certain behaviors are going to result in something which is either predictable or which should have been expected.

Let's consider, says Frodo, the apparently thoughtless announcement by the Government of Israel that they were planning to proceed with the construction of housing on the West Bank, while the Vice President of the United States was present in their country. The United States had not been notified of the decision and, in fact, Biden was there to encourage further negotiations on this and other matters producing discord in the Middle East. One might assume that this was a faux pas.

If one made such an assumption, then one is demonstrably naive.

Frodo asks one to consider that visit, not so long ago, when the young President made his first sojourn to the Middle East. Not only did President Obama visit several Arab nations, but he also delivered a brilliant manifesto regarding the policy of the United States to work closely with all parties in the region in pursuit of peace. The fact that he did not visit Israel, who legitimately feels itself to be America's closest ally in the region, was a tactical decision made, apparently, to add a level of credibility to the hand offered to suspicious Muslims, around the world. It also pissed off the Israelis, big time.

It was a slap in the face to the Israelis that the President visit their geographical neighbors, and not even stop by and say "Howdy-Doo."

So why would anybody be surprised that the proud, if not obstinate, Israelis didn't feel it necessary to remind the United States that one turn deserves another? We may still be friends, even if we have a little tussle in the grass from time-to-time, but neither party should take the other for granted. The Vice President was the vessel.

President Obama is the recipient of an equal, and opposite, reaction. All of a sudden that great speech he made begins to drift off into the sands of time. Frodo suggests that the President strongly consider what Sir Isaac had to say when struck by an apple falling from a tree. He might also wear a helmet and count his fingers when next he shakes the hand of Mr. Netanyahu.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:31 PM EST

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Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Don't Know Where To Go, Who To See? God, I Gotta Get Away From Here
Mood:

down
Topic: "Media Reporting" (6)

Dr. Frodo, King of the Behavioral Scientists, quotes tonight from a recent study by the University of Georgia. Surprisingly, the study does not involve sports, alcohol, or groping, but that is not the reason that Frodo took note of its content. The report found that media reporting during the the recent presidential campaign did little to clarify the public perception of President Obama's faith.

2400 people were surveyed at three different points during the campaign to see if exposure to news media helped to correct misperceptions. The survey asked the same people the same questions in October, September, and November of 2008. The study found that about 20 percent of Americans believed that then-Senator Obama was a Muslim despite news stories and fact-checking Web sites that attempted to debunk the rumor. The percentages stayed pretty much the same throughout the study, except, strangely enough, for the fact that there was movement within the people surveyed. Some people, it seems, who initially perceived Obama as Christian early in the study changed their minds, as did some others who initially perceived him as Muslim.

The study was able to conclude that respondents who were younger, less educated, less politically interested, politically conservative, or believed in a literal translation of the Bible were more likely to be among those who shifted their perception from Christian to Muslim. These people, the study summarized, are generally distrustful of the mainstream media and therefore more likely to believe just the opposite of what journalists have to say. Georgia Professor Barry Hollander is quoted as saying "With most forms of political knowledge, media should theoretically make you more accurate. In this case, media exposure had no effect. Ultimately the message here is that people believe what they want to believe."

At the University of Georgia, concludes Frodo, it is to hurry on down to the sports bar and get a look at the hooters.

We're Number One.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:18 PM EST

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Thursday, March 4, 2010

It Takes Two Baby
Mood:

vegas lucky
Topic: "Double Deal" (6)

Just about the time Frodo begins to exhibit concern about the state of the world, something comes along to remind him that the opposition, although loyal, is just about the dumbest collection of characters on God's green earth. By that, Frodo does not dwell on Karl Rove's assertion that the Bush Administration would "probably not" have gone to war in Iraq had they known there were no "weapons of mass destruction." Rather, it is the unbelievable antics of a nondescript Congressman who is about to slip into the state of ignominy that he has truly earned.

Nathan Deal, once a Democrat, but now a Republican, announced YESTERDAY that he was resigning his seat in the US House of Representatives in order to concentrate on his race for the position of Governor, in his home state of Georgia. TODAY however, Representative Deal announced a change of plans so that he could adequately represent the opinions of his constituents in looming climactic votes on healthcare reform.

Between these polar positions there stands a conversation with the National Republican Party, which asserted that they were "unaware" of Representative Deal's initial decision.

Representative Deal, it should be added, denies the allegations of his political enemies that he directed federal contracts towards businesses controlled by family members.

Frodo is struck by the changing of times down South. He remembers when his father would only buy a Zenith TV or a Pontiac motorcar. It was as if there were a vested interest between company and consumer, and by supporting one religiously there was a level of quality assurance to be assumed, forever. Now, there are Congressmen everywhere who were "one thing before they became another," and, not unlike the former presidential aspirant now mocked, "they were for it before they were against it."

It is very likely that healthcare reform will pass and soon be signed by the President of the United States. It is also likely that Nathan Deal will not only fail to win the governorship in Georgia, but he will lose the nomination of his own (now) party. He will also, of course, be out-of-luck should he, again, decide to withdraw from his congressional position. The only negative that Frodo evaluates from this turn of events is that there will be one more unemployed person in America, and he will be named Nathan Deal.

Some days, good things happen when you least expect it.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:56 PM EST

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Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Here's To You, Mrs. Robinson
Mood:

don't ask
Topic: "Strangerthan fiction"(6)

As discussed several days ago, the Speaker of the Georgia House of Representatives was forced to resign when his wife publicly disclosed his infidelity. Glenn Richardson, necessarily also represented a segment of Paulding County, Georgia, in the State House. A special election was held to replace Richardson, and what transpired from the electorate is almost difficult to explain.

Daniel Stout, a 29 year-old community banker, won a three-way election in the heavily-Republican electoral area. The election was decided by less than 5 percent of the county's voters. This, despite the fact that Stout was forced to explain the affair, which took place ten years ago, with his mother-in-law, while he was still married to her daughter. Stout, it should be noted, is a supporter of anti-choice legislation, smaller government, and lower taxes.

A representative of the local "Right to Life," and a mother of six, said she supported Stout in the election because she's been impressed by his solid second marriage. She dismissed the affair as a mistake of youth.

Stout did remarry in 2005 and he remains close to the daughter from that first marriage. The identity and the age of the daughter's mother was not disclosed.

Frodo is taking bets.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:47 PM EST

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Monday, March 1, 2010

You Better Take Care of Business Mr. Businessman
Mood:

down
Topic: "What Goes Around" (6)

Saint George, the subject of a discussion some months ago, is he who involved Frodo in the annual bell-ringing in behalf of the Salvation Army. He is one of the kindest, most community-minded individuals that Frodo has ever known. He participates in the annual census of the homeless in Atlanta, and can always be counted upon to offer time and service to worthy causes.

More than a year ago, Saint George and his Honey had scheduled a vacation cruise commencing in Chile, circling the South American continent, and ending in Miami. The beginning leg of their journey was a flight from Atlanta to Santiago, where they would spend a night or two in a hotel and spend the free day touring the charm of the city, before boarding ship.

The trip began innocently enough, and after their arrival and check-in at their hotel, the good people decided to take a walk out the front door of the hotel in order to get their body clocks in operation. Not ten feet outside, Honey was knocked to the pavement by a thief absconding with her handbag. The result was a broken hip, ribs, and significant, unidentifiable pain in her lumbar region. She was rushed to a hospital, and spent the next five days in intensive care, rather than beneath an umbrella on the deck of a cruise ship. The refugee from justice escaped.

Honey still limps noticeably, according to Saint George, and she is generally confined to a wheelchair. Sometimes, thinks Frodo, bad things do happen to good people.

Frodo has been watching the devastation and the carnage surrounding the earthquake and tsunami which has stricken Chile. Frodo knows that neither Saint George nor Honey share his feelings this evening, but he can't help but hope that something bad has happened to that jerk that caused so much pain.

Frodo, too, is imperfect. He is merely a Hobbit.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:06 PM EST

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Sunday, February 28, 2010

Devil Or Angel? I Can't Make Up My Mind.
Mood:

chatty
Topic: "It's A Trap" (6)

There is a debate tonight in the sovereign State of Mississippi, in order for the student body at Ole Miss to determine whether or not to replace "Colonel Reb" as mascot of the school's sports teams. Despite the "political correctness" of the decision, it struck Fropo's fancy that some true soul-searching was evident whence he noted the competition.

Admiral Ackbar, the fishy-faced rebel commander from the original "Star Wars" movie was supported by students who felt that the movie score would provide an outstanding back drop for halftime.

Sir William Wallace, the rebel Scot commander portrayed by Mel Gibson in "Braveheart," who also tends to be the namesake of more than one Scottish-descended Confederate.

Spartacus, the commanding leader of a slave revolt against mighty Rome, portrayed by Kirk Douglas in the movie of the same name.

Vince Everett, the rebellious character portrayed by Elvis Presley in the movie, "Jailhouse Rock," who might also offer a few tunes for halftime.

Appropriate it is, thought Frodo, that the audio and the visual art form are the apparent sources for the distinguished nominees. What bothers him however, is that "Spartacus," for example, was produced in 1960, meaning therefore that votes were submitted by "students" as old as 60.

Is it any wonder that the Ole Miss sports teams suck?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:18 PM EST

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