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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
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Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Please Tell Me Who I Am?
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Maynard G. Krebs" (7)

Being Frodo is fun, except when it's not.  Sometimes doing things usually enjoyable just becomes work, at least that's what the streetwalker told Fropdo the first time he asked.  Perhaps that will explain, dear reader, why the Hobbit failed to add to the cacophony during the recent past.  He served better by not talking at all.

Every night, it seemed, the Hobbit found himself wavering somewhere between total anxiety and  self-assurance.  The value of his home in the Shire, the potential income losses mounting on the apparent horizon, the aging of Fiona and Mick, the Wonder Dog, a representative form of government that seemed only responsive to those with intelligence quotients hovering just below sea level, and never enough hours in the day to get the things done that required completion prior to a nervous breakdown.

So Frodo just shut the hell up, and tuned out, enmeshing himself in somewhere between thirty and forty books.  Not all were worth a tinker's damn, but some were.  He hasn't discussed any of them with anybody, he was just pulling a mental beach-trip to absorb words and thoughts, experiences, wishes, and yes, a dream or two.  After all, that is what the Hobbit originally said he would become, and truly, it is what he most enjoys.  Expect no apologies those who search for the Hobbit, and those who honor his additions to their efforts.  He is still here, and he is ready to be more than what recent days have shown. 

For those who have wondered about the condition of the Shire in this the most aggressive of growing seasons, there are tiger mosquitos beneath every blade of grass, and weeds behind every trunk of tree.  These plagues upon our existence, not unlike Newt Gingrich himself, keep Frodo from enjoying his time thereabouts. 

After all is said and done, getting away from reality is why God invented "Round-Up."  It is a shame that he didn't distribute it in the State of Texas before he put on a warning label.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:02 PM EDT
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Thursday, June 30, 2011
Everybody Has To Meet His Waterloo
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: "Frodo and Revere?"(7)

Frodo was pleased to learn from the replay of the "Jimmy Kimmel Show,"available to all who can Google, that he is a part of the segment on American History.  According to Michelle Bachmann's revisions, Paul Revere rode through the countryside of New Hampshire, in order to warn Frodo so that he could escape beyond Mount Doom.  At least that is what Frodo has been able to interpret before he breaks down amid peals of laughter.

American humor grows in subtlety.  Napoleon is also present in a segment, since  he would certainly have an interest in anybody from Waterloo and that would include an Accounting graduate of Oral Roberts University who has been trained to never acknowledge an error on her part.  She later married a "Christiian Counselor" who has been identified as one who addresses those of the homosexual persuasion as "Barbarians."  For those who may not not know, Mr. Michelle is the fat guy with the flat top who "dances" with MABELLE (now AT&T) in those countless re-runs of her recent speech in her hometown.

During that speech, MABELLE noted that her hometown (so close to her heart we are sure) of Waterloo, Iowa, was also the hometown of John Wayne.  Surprisingly, THE John Wayne is from another community a couple of hundred miles away.  John Wayne GACY, however, one whose notoriety includes the title of "serial killer," lived right up the street from our presidential wannabee.

Methinks the segment should also have included Thomas Paine, in deference to Frodo's friends who once alleged to be Republicants ("These are the times that try men's souls. . .").  By the by, Frodo offers that he is unable to name a single Accountant who has ever been President of anything (except for groups of other Accountants).  There is, of course, a reason for that.



Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:12 PM EDT
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Sunday, June 26, 2011
See What Condition My Condition Is In
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "UR Number Is Up" (7)

For reasons which will soon be fairly obvious, Frodo has been playing a mind game.  What is the earliest date that can be historically confirmed which he can cite without anything other than the power of memory?

Frodo began with "In 1492, Columbus sailed the Ocean blue..."  Surely he thought, he remembers, with specificity, earlier events in human, if not Hobbit, history.  Quite obviously, he could include either the year NULL or the year 33 A.D. but there are few willing to stake reputations with precision upon either of these exact dates.  To continue the exercise, without befouling his credibility, Frodo decided to bypass the ideologues and consider only those dates which are confirmed by the historical record.  The B.C. dates leave him confusing mythology and Alexander, among others, so perhaps he'll confine himself to the entirety of the past 2011 years.  

Let's see, Martin Luther, hmm?  How about Joan of Arc?  Yoicks, how about on the Field at Runnymede, in 1215, when John became signatory to the Magna Carta?  Not bad, Frodo went back almost 270 years with no challenge whatsoever.

Attila the Hun?  The Spanish Armada?  Julius Caesar?  Gosh, this is tougher than imagined.   Even remembering the sequence of events gets difficult when one hasn't thought about such things for a long time.  Then Frodo had an epiphany.

This is the one thousand and sixty-sixth posting by Frodo (there have been more, but technical eccentricities sent some brilliant commenatary to an undeserved and premature terminal visit to the ethernet).  The Battle of Hastings ushered William the Conqueror and the Norman horde into the lands that had belonged to the  Angles and the Saxons in, get this, 1066.  

Getting almost another 200 years so easily spoils the Hobbit.  The New York Times Crossword calls.

Maybe he oughta cut back on the caffeine, too?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:18 PM EDT
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Saturday, June 25, 2011
If You Would Pardon Me, I'e Like To Say We're Doing All Right
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Radio and TV"(7)

The average is that on fifty-three occasions annually, the temperature at the Airport in Atlanta wil exceed ninety degrees.  On an evening such as this, there are only two things that meet the justifiable criteria of life in the Deep South.  The first is listening to the gallant Braves on the radio, this evening brought to you from the "June swoon" in San Diego, where the temperature is somehere below seventy.  The magic of the Internet, and the visual perspective of God's truly great game, fall short of the breathless expressions of Don Sutton and Joe Simpson, as they create an audio wonderland for those with an imagination, and a true love for a game that separates generations with its' history.  The alternative activity is to sip some bourbon, over ice, as one reacquaints onesself wth the "Pirate Latitudes" of Michael Crichton or "Ford County" as penned by John Grisham.

To read, or to listen to the radio.  One might believe that Frodo has rejected the scientific marvels of the twenty-first century and has placed his faith in "apps" that were there when he was borne, and one might not be far from the truth.  Despite his adherence to speed and quality in business, when it comes to leisure, Frodo still likes to "sit and thinks."  Combining these activities slows life down even more, and that is what appeals most to the Hobbit these days.  It taskes no great mind to note that the passage of days exceeds the prospect for those to come. 

Through the window, from the back porch, Frodo can watch the dance of the magicians as they torment the hearts of our fellow citizens.  When the picture changes to those who service our motorcars, primed is the Hobbit to flash through a page or two in consideration of legal misfortune in Mississippi.  All of this, and two faithful dogs kicking as they chase rabbits of a bygone era.  These are, despite what others may say, words that never leave the heart of the Hobbit, "the good old days."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:27 PM EDT
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Friday, June 24, 2011
Who Do, Who Do You Think You're Fooling?
Mood:  smelly
Topic: "Moody Blue"(7)

The Yerkes Primate Center at Emory University has seemingly always been in the crosscurrents of ethics and science.  The closest living relatives to mankind, including a Hobbit or two so it seems, are the subjects of experimentation aimed at the destruction of disease and the extension of life for those in the higher order.  The experiments are painful and grotesque, despite the efforts of those whose motives are clear and clean.  Frodo has shed many a tear thinking about whether or not it is the right thing to do.  From the promontory of one with time on his hands, Frodo states a willingness to surrender a year or so of his own life, if it meant that his conscience would be cleansed.  It goes without saying that the aging process may change that perspective.  Frodo acknowledges the potential for true hypocrisy

Interesting it is that a rhesus monkey has, according to local news sources, escaped from the facility and his whereabouts are currently unknown, for want of a better term.  Absent in the reporting are any of the queries which first come to mind with such an occurrence.  The public is merely warned to call the authorities, and to avoid any contact with the escapee should anyone come into contact with this seeker of freedom.

Frodo takes note of the fact that the subject was reported missing on a Saturday.  The following day, former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich appeared on "Meet the Press."  The performance of the former Speaker was tantamount to one who overindulges on bananas, ice cream, beer, and interestingly enough, jewelry.  Several days later, the escapee was sighted near Tiffany's in the trendy Buckhead section of Atlanta.  The next day, former Speaker Gingrich clarified his "revolving accounts" to the complete comsternation of Bob Schieffer and anyone who has ever borrowed money for any purpose.

All inferences to conspiracy aside, it had to be entirely coincidental on the day that the custodial staff at the Yerkes Primate Center was chastized for the incident of the missing monkey, former Speaker Gingrich's staff resigned, en masse.  The former Speaker it seems had deigned a cruise through the Greek Isles to be far more important than saving the republic. 

Frodo notes that the Greek government seems to have had more than a little trouble handling things since.  Perhaps it might be to Mr. Papandreaou's benefit to search through a few garbage bins on Santorini or Rhodes in order to locate the trail of the clear link between man and monkey.  He should then avoid any contact, and call the authorities.  Frodo hopes that Americans exercise equal prudence.  

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 7:44 PM EDT
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Saturday, June 11, 2011
Who Can Turn The World On With a Smile?
Mood:  silly
Topic: "Deja Who?"(7)

The gentleman looked at Frodo for the longest time, and then he said "Mr. Frodo, I know that I know you.  We have met somewhere before, or I have been graced by your presence in another time and place, but I know you."  Frodo wasn't really sure what to say, since he had absolutely no point of reference.  Frodo brought the room down with laughter when he said (tongue-in-cheek) "Well Kind Sir, Frodo did once work as a Federal Prison Guard, perhaps it was at that point in your life?"  The stranger laughed too, but he kept staring at Frodo, trying to recall the moment, if you will, when paths once crossed'

Deja vu, it is.  The sense that one has been somewhere, or met someone, perhaps in a previous life.  Frodo has had a recent bout with this mystery, and he laughs as he brings it to your perusal, dear reader.  Imagine that it is Saturday night, and the familiar tune introduces the main characters in a television drama that will rule the waves for a decade or more, and that the "stars" therein, are replaced by the current crop of clowns who happen to be the principals in the Republicant competition to challenge President Obama.

Ted Baxter is portrayed by Newt Gingrich.

Phyllis is Michelle Bachmann.

Tim Pawlenty is Carlton, the Doorman.

Murray is Donald Trump.

Gordy is Herman Cain.

Sue Anne Nivens is Sarah Palin.

Mr. Grant is John McCain, of course (he hates "perky").

Chuckles, the Clown (who died) is Mitt Romney.

Mary and Rhoda were almost sane, therefore Frodo's play is incomplete.  He will, of course, accept suggestins. 

Tell Frodo that life does not also imitate art. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:55 PM EDT
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Monday, June 6, 2011
So Close, So Close And Yet So Far
Mood:  sad
Topic: "Frances Died Today"(7)

Frodo remembers freckles, and the bare legs of an athlete, visible to her fellow freshman at the College of the Shire.  They smiled, and chatted, and it was the beginning of a friendship that lasted from that day until her final one.  Frodo will associate every single day he spent or recollected about at the College of the Shire with Frances.  They were friends, and that, above all else, is what Frodo laments.

They could have.  They would have.  They should have.

Frances was the best basketball player of her gender at the College of the Shire.  She was always afront of the fast break, and learned quickly how to follow the ball to the boards for a tip-in.  When pressured by one bigger and stronger she tried anyway, and got up off the floor with the determination of one who must have had Irish amongst her forebears.  Frodo had little patience for Title IX activities, but watching Frances play was worth the price of admission, so Frodo managed to be in the stands unless academics, or alcohol, established other priorities in the maturation of the Hobbit.  She always smiled and acknowledged his attendance.

They could have.  They would have.  They should have.

When the time came to join fraternal organizations, Frodo and Frances pledged to brother-and-sister societies.  They hugged each other, knowing that the opportunity for ribald celebration had just been enhanced, and the smiles shone all around.  Circumstances, and friendships, pulled them both into temporary affiliations which, at the time, seemed to dictate a certain propriety.  Despite their friendship, they never got the chance to run the roads together, alone.

They could have.  They would have.  They should have.

Frodo recollects one evening, when he stopped in the Student Union after an evening in which he had not yet achieved a comatose state.  He rocked all alone in a booth in the back, and bobbed his head to a song on the jukebox, if memories are worthwhile, "Stormy," it was.  He noticed Frances and friend Leslie looking at him from across the room and they were smiling and laughing at their "brother," knowing that he was on a non-academic level at moments such as these.  On purpose they turned away in their tight pants and exited through the glass doors with "come hither" smiles peeking behind the trailing shoulders.  It is a moment and an icon in the soul of the Hobbit.

They could have.  They would have.  They should have.

Frances married one of Frodo's "brothers."  Frodo married one of her "sisters."  They were friends every single day, but Frodo, tonight, also wishes that when they could have, and they would have, that they should have. 

Adieu Frances, adieu.     

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:41 PM EDT
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Thursday, June 2, 2011
Ride Your Pony
Mood:  amorous
Topic: "Run Far, Run Fast"(7)

On Tuesday it will be two weeks since a stage 2 malignant tumor was removed from the hip of Mick, the Wonder Dog.  While under anaesthesia at that time, 11 of his teeth were also removed.  The veterinarian reported that the tissue samples from the area do not indicate the presence of any more cancer.  He felt scientifically safe in his assessment that there is a 95% likelihood that the cancer will not return.  His stitches, 15 in all, will be removed on Tuesday.

Mick, the Wonder Dog, turned 14 on Mother's Day.  Since his surgery, he has borne a "soft collar" to prevent the canine tendency to lick and scratch at the offending stitches and scarring.  He has attempted neither.  It is as if, to Frodo, he has an awareness of the seriousness of the situation, and that he senses a personal responsiblity for regaining strength. 

When Frodo returns daily from Mount Doom, Mick, the Wonder Dog, has regained enough agility to come down stairs on his own, and to greet Frodo by the gate to the gardens of the Shire.  He cries, out of happiness, almost every time.  When Frodo sits in front of the computer at night, he comes in and places his nose in Frodo's lap, and he lingers for gentle scratching on his ears and neck, and for the meeting of eyes that speak for both parties. 

Tomorrow they travel to Lake Lovey, and it is brutally hot.  Mick, the Wonder Dog, would normally be looking for opportunity to swim with Frodo, following in his wake to assure himself that Frodo will land safely ashore.  With the stitches still in place, it is critical that the potential for infection receive utmost consideration.  This means that there will be no swimming on this trip, and that walks along the shore will be short and closely escorted.

That's okay.  It just means that two old dogs will read a couple of books, and play a few "reindeer games."  Chances are there will be more than one instance of ear-rubbing between friends.  We'll swim next time.   

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:08 PM EDT
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Monday, May 30, 2011
Let's Get Together And Feel All Right
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: "Dandy Dale" (7)

Dale was a Blackhawk Helicopter Pilot.  He is the President of the local West Point Alumni Chapter.  He is a third-generation American whose family settled around Chicago after emigrating to the United States from Poland.  He is the Principal of his own Financial Planning Firm, and he is a Libertarian.  He is also one of the Men of Gondor, and he is Frodo's friend.

Dale has been responsible for Frodo meeting and getting to know many people whose stories have been chronicled by the Keeper of the Ring (including the Navigator on the Enola Gay, and one who has been granted the Medal of Honor).  It is appropriate that, on this day, Frodo notes the service, the dedication, and the pride that rests in the actions and the deeds of this heroic young man.  The Men of Gondor can count on Dale, as did every person who ever served under him, to be there as promised, and to do that which is expected.  Frodo stands with his hand over his heart.

Frodo is not a fan of Libertarians (for those who have read most of these pages in full, it is known that he refers to them as "Librarians," since they seem to see the world as if it were merely an extension of the Dewey Decimal System).  In the days after September 11th, 2001, Frodo was one of what seemed like a miniscule number who believed that his country was acting prematurely in the thrust to war against Saddam Hussein.  Dale was aghast that Frodo took the position he did, and Frodo remembers the look of shock and disdain in the eyes of his friend.  Frodo heard him say that he did not know any other "men" who expressed the same opinions as Frodo.  Despite a lifetime of reciting poems about "sticks and stones," Frodo felt a deep hurt, which he cannot forget, as this tale enlivens.

Dale flew helicopters in the Caribbean in pursuit of drug smugglers.  This seemingly dangerous assignment, according to Dale, ended up as just one of many excursions to dozens of beaches.  The "War on Drugs" is a terrible waste of resources, for it accomplishes very little, and enters the government into activities which do not, according to Dale, follow the premises of the Founding Fathers.

Dale stood with Frodo on a warmish December day not too long ago, and said to him, "Have you had a colonoscopy?"  Frodo admitted that it was something he had been deferring.  "What's the matter Mr. Frodo, don't you love Sam?  Do you have no feelings for your friends?"  Frodo went and had the procedure, and all indications were that it was a good thing he did. 

It just goes to show that sometimes our friends are close at hand, even though they may be our harshest of critics, it doesn't mean that they dislike us.  Although it remains a small, blue planet, it is loaded with people who will be there when you really need a friend, or a soldier.  Frodo is glad that there are soldiers, as he is glad that there are those who farm, for he would not be very good at either.  Frodo has learned much from his friend, and he trusts that the feeling will always be mutual. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:14 PM EDT
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Saturday, May 28, 2011
When You're In Love With a Beautiful Woman
Mood:  happy
Topic: "Stan & Ollie"(7)

Visualize Laurel and Hardy.  The setting is the Shire, and the protagonists are Sam, and friend Vonda, who periodically visits in order to assist Sam with the toils of housemaidery.  The antagonist is feline Beau Neau McKitty, who has frequented the Shire ever since the passing of the gallant Howard.  The impetus is the "dog door" which allows the uncontrolled comings and goings of Shire residents who are not tall enough to turn a doorknob.  That, of course, applies to cats as well as dogs.  Scene one,  Act onebegins as Beau Neau McKitty exits the dog door in order to patrol the fenced outdoors in lionesque fashion.

Beau Neau McKitty is obviously grateful for his admission into the Shire.  So grateful in fact that from time-to-time he finds it appropriate to bring Sam a token of his esteem.  Scene two begins with Sam and Vonda working in the food preparation area as Beau Neau McKitty announces his arrival from the outdoors and promptly spits a live chipmonkey at Sam's feet.  This is where the visualization of Stan Laurel & Oliver Hardy becomes relevant.

Scene three is the harried discussion between Stan and Ollie about how best to retrieve the present, and to return him, or her, to the great outdoors, without hurting the feelings of Beau Neau McKitty.  The first plan is to herd the visitor out the door.  The second plan is to drive the visitor out from under the stereo.  Plan number three is to corner the visitor into the downstairs bathroom, and to turn out the lights and barricade the door until Frodo comes home.  Beau Neau McKitty, it may be added, now slinks off into the loge and naps until dinnertime or thereabouts.

Act two begins when Frodo does indeed return from his labors upon Mount Doom.  Vonda has long since departed to her province beyond the Shire so Frodo is forced to call upon Sam to assist him in his interpretation of the great Frank Buck, whose motto was, of course, "Bring 'em Back Alive."  Frodo was quite hesitant to engage the assistance of this Stan Laurel wannabe in such a daunting endeavor.  He had no idea how Sam would react solo, without Ollie to assist.

Scene two begins with an argument about top-billing in the drama.  Frodo orders Sam to stand in the doorway of the bathroom and to throw a blanket over the visitor as he/she dashes from cover behind the bidet.  Sam, or Stan, refuses that role, preferring to do the chase initiation, thereby requiring that Frodo trip the snare and gather up the guest/visitor/present (select one).

Scene three begins with Frodo's smile, from ear-to-ear, as he imagines what is to follow, and how it will be recorded for posterity.  In a matter of moments the chipmonkey made a dash for the door, in order to disappear between Frodo's legs and obtain more suitable surroundings.  Frodo reacted as planned, and managed to cover the chipmonkey with the blanket and to neatly sccop his quarry therein.  With Sam dancing from toe-to-toe, Frodo carried the prize out-of-doors, and shook him into the freedom afforded by the flora of the backyard Shire.  All parties were satisfied with the result.

Sam turned to the conquering hero Hobbit, and told him that Vonda had been promised a report on what had just transpired, as Act three commenced.  Frodo suggested that Sam call Vonda and tell her that Frodo had found bloody little footprints running from the bathroom and out into the driveway to where Vonda's motorcar had been parked.  Strangely, he contrived, the footprints ended there, suggesting that the chipmonkey had made his escape by hitching a ride with Vonda.  Frodo imagined the sound thus transmitted across telephone lines as a shriek, and the commencement of another comedy now involving Vonda's husband Daryl.  The play comes to a conclusion as Sam impugns Frodo's sensse of humor while noting his prowess as protector of the Shire.

Exit, stage left.      

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:28 AM EDT
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