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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Be-Bop Baby, She's The Gal For Me
Mood:  smelly
Topic: "Act I, Scene I" (8)

In the months to come, Frodo is doing something a bit different.  Along with his continuing commitment to the vignette, he is adding a serial perspective.  The story therein is a mixture of truth and hypothesis, for the accusation is a serious one and the crime cannot be proven, given all that we now know.  Frodo will intersperse the serial in truly eclectic fashion with his perspectives which have truly caught the English-speaking imagination, or so Frodo himself imagines.  The next scene of the serial may follow immediately upon the end of its predecessor, or it may tumble into view days thereafter.  Serials will always be identified as a scene from an act upon the stage of life, and death.

The story is about murder.  Frodo lost someone near and dear whose death was hastened by greed.  The story, for want of a better placement, truly begins in the times before the Great Depression.  We all know that childhood is always difficult, but when there was not enough food, nor time for parental affection, siblings relied on one another in a manner too extreme for most of us today to fathom.  Not for many years did Frodo come to understand that the six siblings who would become known to him experienced deep personal resentments despite the apparency that suffering together would seemingly bring them closer over time.  

One of the six died in the Great War.  One other brother died freakishly during Frodo's tenth year, leaving one brother, and three sisters behind.  The remaining brother may never have learned to read or write.  One of the sisters accepted a life on the farm, much like that which she had known throughout her childhood.  The two remaining sisters were determined to go beyond, and they relied heavily on one another in search of youthful opportunities. The crux of our mystery, and the apparent crime, is documented as follows.

The boy rode a motorcycle, and he had taken notice of the first sister without having any knowledge of the one who would sooner become his wife.  The first sister thought he was a "nice guy," but surely not "her type."  She had a good feeling about the introduction of the boy on a motorcycle to her sister, and he seemed to rev up to the idea.  The Great War intervened, but they married when he was called to duty, and she waited at the stateside base for nearly three years.  In the meantime, sister number one prowled the field of available single, or temporarily unattached, boys home on leave, and looking for a "good time."  Frodo always felt that she did her part to serve the troops.

Act I, Scene II to follow. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:49 PM EDT
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Sunday, June 17, 2012
Was in The Spring, Then Spring Became a Summer
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Lost Weekend"(8)

Our topic today, dear reader, emanates from the title of an old movie, that dealt with alcoholism as a public issue in the way that we once dealt with all public issues.  We made a movie.  We no longer make movies, instead we make cartoons.  Cartoons about alcoholism would probably not be taken too seriously, so that means that we have to deal with our less pleasant issues from an entirely new visage.

Frodo watched as the gallant Braves were shut out for both of the baseball games played with the Orioles from Baltimore.  The Braves are never shut out two games in a row.  Perhaps such an uncommon occurrence is what started this downward spiral on the weekend now past?  Frodo is fearful of such thought since it makes him sound a bit like the late and oft-lamented Andy Rooney.

Frodo has previously written of his admiration for all things Grecian, so it is unsurprising that the continual clatter leading up to their most recent election held him spellbound.  Since Frodo leans heavily to the left, it was very uncharacteristic for him to root for the right-wingers in this instance.  Stability in the financial markets, reflecting well upon the efforts of the current American administration however, add significantly to the likelihood of victory before the Dark Gate.

On the other hand, we watch with sheer disdain over the pending transmittals from those who now sit where once those who returned Dred Scott to slavery once sat.  With an expectation of equal stupidity, Frodo anticipates the Affordable Care Act to drip through the fingers of justice as if it were but one more hanging chad, or another "Super Pac" filling Romney's mind with visions of sugar plums.  This is the worst Court, ever.

The Shire has also been invaded by dueling riding lawn mowers on either side of Frodo's residence therein.  Appropriate it is, he supposes, that these monstrosities should appear within minutes of each other on this the fortieth anniversary of the movie that introduced "Dueling Banjos" to all the world.

Likely it is that this is merely a cyclical presentation of Frodo's opening thought, i.e. movies have been replaced by cartoons, since a great movie like "Deliverance" (which that same year lost "Best Picture" to "The Godfather") is compared to two overweight, middle-aged men, on riding lawnmowers.  It certainly gives a more vibrant reference to the dialogue therein, reference Ned Beatty and "Squeal like a pig."

Frodo may not be Andy Rooney, but there are times when he feels like Twain.   


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:51 PM EDT
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Sunday, June 10, 2012
All My Ex's Live In Texas
Mood:  loud
Topic: "Marvelous Mac"(8)

During their very first year of operation, Marv Throneberry was the regular first baseman for the New York Mets of MLB.  As only the NYC Press can do, Throneberry, who was prone to an error-filled performance throughout his career, became a crowd favorite because of his miscues.  As the anti-hero, who never stopped trying to be good, he became famous as "Marvelous Marv."  He also had a brother in MLB, Faye, Throneberry, of course.

In June of 1944, a young American fighter pilot was shot down and killed near the small town of Las Ventes, in France.  His widow, in Oklahoma, received the obligatory letter from the appropriate sources, informing her of his death, and the promise of additional information.  That promise, unfortunately, was not kept.

As late as 2005, the widow, who never re-married, communicated with her Congressperson, Rep. Mac Thornberry (R-TX), seeking any additional information about the demise of her husband.  The obviously distraught Congressperson communicated by letter and informed the widow that there was no new data regarding the status of her MIA.  A relative of the widow found that hard to believe, and picked up the telephone.

It took merely a few days to learn that the young pilot lies buried in the American Cemetery in Normandy, and that he has been there for years, after his body was transferred from its original burial site in Las Ventes.  It was also learned that the town square in Las Ventes is named for the young hero, who died to help save the town of Las Ventes, France, and the whole damn world for that matter.  In Las Ventes, there is a wreath-laying ceremony, every year, going back to the very end of the War, for this young man, the husband of our heroine.  She has, at the invitation of the village, visited, and was escorted to both his present burial site as well as the very spot where her late husband crashed.

Congressperson Thornberry has written a letter of apology.  He and his office have refused to make any public statement, and there has been no further communication with the widow.  Congressperson Thornberry, Frodo adds, chairs the House ARMED SERVICES COMMITTEE.  The widow has stated that she has forgiven Congressperson Thornberry.

Frodo has taken great libertyin the past with his disapproval of all things Texan.  It should go without saying that there is a sense of outrage which Frodo truly hopes becomes evident to Congressperson Thornberry.  It is the incompetence in acts such as this which unite Americans in their dismay toward the Congress of the United States.  Frodo, admittedly, is not nearly as gracious as the heroine herein, but he would be satisfied if there is at least one Texan who votes in the upcoming election against "Marvelous Mac" for the single reason that he didn't even try to do a good job.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:12 PM EDT
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Saturday, June 9, 2012
When I Grow Up to be a Man, What Will I be
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: "Selective Service"(8)

Frodo has been thinking about the greatest athletes of his time.  Edwin Moses, Hershall Walker, Secretariat, and Muhammad Ali are four random names that deserve consideration, although another objective observer may omit all of Frodo's suggestions for various reasons.  One of the reasons just might deal with the issue of national service.

"I ain't got nothin' against them Cong" were the words formulated by he once known as Cassius Clay after  adopting the Islamic Faith and the name, Muhammad Ali.  The words were mouthed once it became clear that the United States Government was going to prosecute him for failure to enter military service.  Ali's barristers argued that his newly-adopted religious consciousness prevented him from taking arms.

Ali's action resulted in both the administrative loss of his title as "Heavyweight Champion of the World," and his subsequent imprisonment.  Once his punishment was served, Ali returned to the ring and won back the championship title.  He truly became, as a result of his actions, the most famous man in the world.  It was Ali, standing alone, who lit the Olympic Torch in order to open the 1996 Summer Games, in Atlanta.

Frodo waxes on the transition from athletics to conscience because of the price that Ali paid for his beliefs.  At the time, even Frodo believed that he deserved to be stripped of his title, and punished for failing to bear arms in service to the nation that gave him, in spite of massive countercurrents, the path to greatness.  Now, Frodo feels otherwise. 

Ali was targeted for racial and religious reasons.  His perceived arrogance was a major frustration for the Luddite elements of his time.  This Frodo truly believes.  For how else can one explain the fact that Willard Mitt Romney failed to bear arms in service to his country and received no penalty or prosecution for his religious consciousness?  Romney, as most know, received "deferrals" in order to serve as a "missionary."  Perhaps this was Romney's way of saying that he "didn't have anything against them Cong," either?

There is no doubt that Muhammad Ali was a greater athlete than Willard Mitt, as there is certainly an absence of argument to the fact that he is a better citizen and champion of his beliefs.  Just ask the Romney off-spring, who serve no one. 

The apple, it seems, does not fall far from the tree. 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:23 AM EDT
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Saturday, June 2, 2012
In My Midnight Confessions
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Land Ho"(8)

Richard Land is a corpulent, flatulent, obsequious, sorry-ass excuse for anything beyond the definition of what was once affectionately referred to as a "turd blossom."  Frodo is not alone in his revulsion for the "ethics chief" of the Southern Baptist Convention, especially after Land was caught in the act of plagiarism.

Richard Land accused the President of the United States, and other black leaders, of shamefully exploiting the death of Trayvon Martin for purely political gain.  Now, Frodo does not decry anyone's opinion, even when subjectively incorrect, as long as it adds to the judicial discourse between people who respect one another.  In the case of Mr. Land however, it is clear that he may have to refer back to the spelling lesson offered by Aretha Franklin in order to project any level of respectful dialogue.  Mr. Land's opinion and attack on the President it seems, was copied word-for-word from an editorial in the WASHINGTON TIMES.  An editorial in which Mr. Land was not a contributor.

This overweight, obnoxious, belligerent, cowardly piece of crap did not have the courage, much less the moral compass to formulate his own words.  To the credit of the "Board of Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission," of which he is Chairman, Land was reprimanded and his radio show was canceled. 

Now he should be fired.  And that is the opinion of one Hobbit who is worried about anyone losing a job, except for a liar.  Wouldn't it be great if David Gregory had the balls to bring the toad onto "Meet the Press," and offer him some grape juice? 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:57 PM EDT
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Thursday, May 24, 2012
You Lay Your Bets And You Take Your Chances
Mood:  blue
Topic: "Pulitzer Means Squat"(8)

Frodo sat down with Mr. Charles Ferguson, Editor of the New Orleans Times-Picayune, and discussed the impact of political endorsements by a major metropolitan newspaper.  Since this was the theme of Frodo's Master's Thesis, he was hoping to discover that Ferguson was a hack, on somebody's payroll, and that Frodo would win a Pulitzer Prize for his investigative effort therein.  Frodo learned that Ferguson was a Neiman Fellow, and an Honors Graduate of Harvard University.  He was also a good guy, a brilliant journalist, and somebody who loved the City of Orleans just as much as the Hobbit.

Frodo thought of Mr. Ferguson this day.  It was announced yesterday that the New Orleans Times-Picayune would only be hard-copy published three times each week.  The City is now the only, but perhaps merely the first, major metropolitan market in all of Middle Earth to be without a daily newspaper.  Surely, the powers that be are strenuous in their argument that on-line publishing will be constant, and that the flow of information will be instantaneous, but that does not satisfy the Hobbit at all.

The New Orleans Times Picayune won a Pulitzer Prize for its 2006 reporting of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.  Without power, water, or public services nearly the entire staff stayed at their desks, answered questions, and sought answers.  They were notified, after the fact, yesterday, that nearly all of them will either lose their jobs, or have their work-hours significantly reduced.

The New Orleans States-Item, the afternoon daily newspaper, was acquired by the Times-Picayune several years ago.  The States-Item was the only major metropolitan newspaper to endorse George McGovern for the Presidency in his race against Richard Nixon.  Now a Pulitzer Prize winning newspaper, and the subordinate segment which first saw the devil in that drawing room are changed, if not something totally different.

Frodo is well-known, and oft-quoted, for his proclamation that "Change is Good."  He wonders however, in this case, if he isn't witness to the creation of merely another 24-hour cable news network.  Could there be another whole group of attractive talking-heads out there, eager to make a name for themselves by seeing which can yell the loudest, or speak over the conversation most often, to further separate the citizen from any level of interest in the community in which they all live?  Perhaps that gentleman at the table in the back of the bar, sipping a glass of single-malt, is thinking about that graduate student he once met, wondering whatever happened to him.  Ferguson probably hopes that the Hobbit went on to become a personal care physician, in Taiwan.  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:05 PM EDT
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Tuesday, May 22, 2012
You Make My Dreams Come True
Mood:  spacey
Topic: "Falcon" (8)

"The time will come when diligent research will bring to light things which now lie hidden.  A single lifetime, even though devoted entirely to the sky, would not be enough for the investigation of so vast a subject. . .And so this knowledge will be unfolded only through long successive ages.  There will come a time when our descendants will be amazed that we did not know things that are so plain to them. . .Many discoveries are reserved for ages still to come, when memory of us will have been effaced.  Out universe is a sorry little affair unless it has in it something for every age to investigate. . .Nature does not reveal her mysteries once and for all."--From the first century, Book 7 of 'Natural Questions' authored by he known as Seneca.

The United Federation of Planets it was which Frodo accepted as that beyond his time, which would go where no man has gone before.  Surely, it would be a governmental body, lead by its best and its brightest soldiers and scientists, who would unite in the conquest of the 400 billion stars that comprise the Milky Way.  To his great embarrassment, the Hobbit made an assumption too big to fail. 

Armstrong and Cernan were among those who testified before the Congress of the United States (certainly a come-down from the United Federation of Planets) in order to maintain the status quo of NASA and the superiority of Middle Earth in Space.  In the end, it was the resources of a South African named Musk who, though chagrined by his heroes and their opposition to his private enterprise that won the day, and set a non-governmental business to the forefront of the cosmos.

It is as we have become.  The incentive for exploration can no longer simply be in the search for truth, it requires that there be investors, who seek a return, and that all effort be driven by their motive.  Perhaps Columbus, appearing before the crowned heads felt much the same way, knowing that he would have to return with something of value, as well as an opening to the future of all mankind. 

Still, it will be oh so strange to see the surface of Mars, and the logo of Lockheed where our flag might have been.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:42 PM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, May 23, 2012 11:42 AM EDT
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Monday, May 21, 2012
I Mean It From The Bottom Of My Heart
Mood:  cool
Topic: "American Cemetery"(8)

Frodo long ago made himself a promise to someday walk through the American Cemetery above the Beaches at Normandy.  In the interim, he has another visit to another cemetery on the agenda, and it isn't that far away.

The British Cemetery at Ocracoke, North Carolina, is 2,290 square feet of British territory on American soil.  HMS Bedfordshire, a fishing trawler converted to an escort ship for convoy duty, was sunk by the German U-558 on May 11, 1942, and the entire crew was lost.  Three days later, bodies began to wash ashore at Ocracoke. 

More than 400 ships were lost to German U-Boats during those dreadful days in the first six months of 1942.  Returning the crew of the Bedfordshire to their own Shire was not possible.  The crew was buried in a corner of the Ocracoke cemetery, and the land was later deeded to the Commonwealth War Grave Commission.  Technically, the crew was buried on home ground.  The grounds are maintained by the US Coast Guard, and the "Union Jack" flies, proudly, over her sons.

Twice, British and Americans fought on the soil in which these men now rest.  A lot to think about for the Hobbit.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:49 AM EDT
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Saturday, May 19, 2012
Give Me The Hot Stuff Baby Tonight
Mood:  on fire
Topic: "Rocks Rox"(8)

Santa Ana, California, is not very far from Camp Pendleton.  The passing of Donna Summer was perhaps noted in a truly bizarre manner by a lady walking on the beach, who happened to stop and pick up a few colorful stones and place them in her pants pocket.  Suddenly, she was on fire.

Frodo is certainly familiar with hot pants, and he is not so old that he fails to recall the sheer joy involved in the downing of a pair of pants.  Especially, hot pants.

Geologists have examined the stones and determined that one was laced with phosphorous, and that the resulting friction with another stone in the pants pocket of the unfortunate surfside stroller lit the rock as if it were, and it certainly was, a match.  Fortunately, her husband was nearby and the pants removal was ably performed within the ideological confines of even the Southern Baptist Convention.  The bad news is that the lady suffered third-degree burns and is confined to a hospital for at least a week.

Frodo is of two minds.  In the first case Frodo notes that no scientist or medical practitioner has stepped forward to note that anything like this has ever happened before.  Military officials have also flatly denied that the rock could've been artificially created at their facility.  The possibility exists therefore that this lady could truly be, well, hot.

It could also be the case that this is just one more episode in the on-going Republicant "War on Women."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:31 PM EDT
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Sunday, May 13, 2012
Rainy Days And Mondays Always Get Me Down
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "Mick's Day"(8)

Fifteen years ago, on this very day, Mother's Day, Mick, the Wonder Dog, was among a legion of puppies introduced onto this small, blue planet.  Several weeks later only two of the Australian Shepherd-Border Collie mix remained under the direct supervision of their mother.  His sibling was nearly all white, with black splotches, while Mick, the Wonder Dog, was just the opposite.  It is likely that the dwindling number of playmates was weighing heavily on his mind.  Possible it is that he was concerned about ever being adopted into a world of his own making.  Perhaps that is why he took note of Frodo's visit to the garage that had always been his home, and why he scampered to the Hobbit and promptly sat down on his foot, as if he were saying "Where the Hell have you been and why did it take so long, but no matter, let's go for a ride in your motorcar."

So it began. 

Today, again on Mother's Day, Mick, the Wonder Dog, begins every day with the same fervor and sense of purpose that guided him toward that worn-out sneaker upon the foot of a Hobbit a near lifetime ago.  Their adventures together have been chronicled far and wide, and near strangers frequently ask of him whenever the Hobbit is found in transit, alone.  Frodo explains that a second stage cancer, the pulling of eleven teeth, and the recent demise of his lifelong playmate, Princess Fiona, have weakened the endurance of his noble companion.  Usually, Frodo adds that it is now time for the post-breakfast nap, the pre-luncheon nap, the pre-dinner nap, or the post-dinner nap.  Truth it is that Frodo speaks, for his companion is unable to tarry long on paths well-travelled in days gone by.  Strength is preserved to serve the toothless smile, and the familiar nose-to-the-crotch of a Hobbit, his favorite game.

Mick, the Wonder Dog, has developed a fondness for a handfull of dry Cheerios in the early morning.  Samwise mixes an egg into his dinner every afternoon.  Properly tuned with more recommended culinary input, the Wonder Dog has good appetite, evacuates healthily, and occasionally leaps a few steps toward the Hobbit as if to say let's go for another ride in that motorcar. 

Frodo relishes these days and small matters of routine.  It is when it is rainy, and perhaps a bit cool, however, when the Hobbit is struck by moments of melancholy.  Such days are preferred by the Wonder Dog, since hot weather is something endured by one with a heavy coat. 

Doctor Porsches, the wealthy veterinarian, counseled Frodo that Mick, the Wonder Dog, for the first time in his life, has become the Alpha.  He has recommended that Frodo add to the menagerie of the Shire only when he is sure that such an addition would not add to the emotional baggage carried by one whose psychological status is partially responsible for his strong heart, and his continuing struggle for normalcy.  Frodo agrees.  So Frodo goes on walks alone most days, but he doesn't stop talking to his old friend.

Rainy days are just days for thinking about such things. 

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:19 PM EDT
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