Frodo, Keeper of the Ring

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Wider Than a Mile
Mood:

a-ok
Topic: "He Took De Bait" (8)

"Ms. Crawdaddy, I have a complaint."

"What's the problem this time, Mr. Romney?"

"Well, even after he called me names and said I wasn't telling the truth, he said my numbers didn't add up."

"Now, now Mr. Romney, just put your head here on my shoulder and everything will be OK."

"How can I? You helped him. I'm a numbers expert and my numbers do add up."

"Here, blow your nose in my hankie and we'll get back for the next question once Mrs. Romney stops glaring at the President."

"Yeah Anne, kick him in the balls if he does something evil like answering a question again."

"Is there anything else Mr. Romney?"

"Well yes, I do have a question."

"And what might that be?"

"Just who is this guy Ben Gazzi that Obama keeps talking about?"

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:03 AM EDT

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Sunday, October 14, 2012

Cat's In The Cradle
Mood:

caffeinated
Topic: "Lois, I Never Lie"(8)

"Good Evening, my name is Connie Crawdaddy and I am your moderator for this, the Second 2012 Presidential Debate. Our format for this evening is as a 'Town Hall', in which members of our studio audience who identify themselves as Independents have been selected, at random, to address questions to our candidates. With that, let us begin with our first question. Sir, would you stand and identify yourself?"

"I am standing."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I just couldn't see you."

"No problems. My name is Frodo, and I am, after all, merely a Hobbit, and my home is the Shire."

"Go ahead please, Mr. Frodo."

"My question is for Mr. Romney. Sir, the phrase 'since the Great Depression' has probably been used during this campaign more than any other phrase or sentence. As we know, the Great Depression actually started on the 29th day of October 1929, almost exactly 83 years ago. The incumbent President, Mr. Hoover, did not return to office in the election of 1932, and his successor, Mr. Roosevelt, oversaw an aggressive program of governmental infrastructure development to create jobs and stimulate the economy. Progress was slow, but steady. Eventually, the Republican opposition regained enough influence to reduce spending and increase tax revenue. In fact Mr. Romney, their arguments at the time sound almost exactly like your '5 Point Plan for the Economy'. Unfortunately, this direction then produced a 'double dip' in the recessionary cycle, and the 'Great Depression' continued until the very beginnings of World War II, in 1941. It was the need for expanded wartime manufacturing which actually answered the need for manpower and got capital flowing again. My question, and I apologize for the time spent getting to it, but what would you do, hypothetically, should you win this election, if after adopting your course of action the nation slipped into a 'double dip' situation such as was experienced in the mid-1930's?"

"Well, Mr. Fredo is it?"

"Frodo."

"Yes Mr. Frodo, I'm confident that nothing like that would occur under my plan. A number of Economists. . ."

"Mr. Romney, the point need be made that the only experience we have from a historical point of view is that what you propose did produce a return to recession. How can you argue with history?"

"As I was saying, panels of Economists have assured me that cutting taxes to the 'Job creators' will get our economy to a level where we can produce 12,000,000 new jobs. . .?

"Mr. Romney, please return to my question. What would you do if all your advisers were wrong, and history repeated itself?"

"Well, my Administration would be flexible. . ."

"Enough to increase taxation on the wealthy, and expand government services and projects to put people to work, like Mr. Roosevelt, and Mr. Obama, did?"

"Connie, I recognize there are a lot of people here who would like to ask questions. Can we move on? I think Mr Playdough has gotten an adequate response.

"That's Frodo."

"Yes, well thank you for your questrion, and as I was saying about Libya. . ."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:42 AM EDT

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Sunday, October 7, 2012

I Ran All The Way Home
Mood:

energetic
Topic: "Newest Friend"(8)

There are many lessons in life, and Frodo has tried very hard not to repeat his errors. Invariably, when he fails to learn from his own history, he creates obstacles which dwarf Hoover Dam. Or sometimes it just feels like it.

Newest Friend is a handsome lad. His tri-colors are smooth and silky, neither too long nor too short. There are small flecks of white at the very tip of his long and gracefully twisting tail, and his noble head brings to mind the ebony that graced the countenance of Shaka Zulu. There is a collie-colored brown on each of his feet, interspersed with his white socks and spots thereon. His cognomen plays true to his bearing as a "dandy." He will, for editorial purposes alone, be referred to here as the Newest Friend.

Frodo has forgotten that ten months of canine existence represent the absolute peak of curiosity and exhuberance. Plantlife, religiously treated until now, lies scattered about the Shire. Multi-colored bruises arise, ominously, from the conflagrations of Hobbit skin and shiny front teeth. Voices grow hoarse from repetitive phraseology including words like "come," "sit," and, of course, "No."

There is a personality, and a purpose. The latter being to take note of, to chase, perchance to capture, every single squirrel resident on this slope of the Continental Divide. On four occasions, so far, there has been such breakaway pursuit. It has ended, so far, with an endurance effort by the Hobbit to regain possession before tragedy strikes.

Frodo has always been successful in his efforts to train his canine associates, but now, as time destroys his weaponry, he must admit to the need for some professional help.

What comes to mind is the relationship between the late and lamented Princess Fiona, "the most beautiful girl in the world," and Mick, the Wonder Dog. They had each other as foils whenever the Hobbit failed to meet their collective needs for attention. Sam, evidently, agrees with Frodo, and has already begun to implment ideas about what to name what follows. Sam has been concerned that Frodo may simply collapse on the byways of the Shire in pursuit of similar long-distance efforts generally afforded to Ethiopians who have not eaten in the past two years.

Perhaps the lesson is simple enough, and just maybe the Hobbit isn't as forgetful of struggles long past as alleged. Maybe having two new friends was part of a "stragedy." Let's just not mention that to Sam.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:41 PM EDT

Updated: Sunday, October 7, 2012 9:43 PM EDT

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Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Higher Than Any Bird Ever Flew
Mood:

sharp
Topic: "Worst Candidate Ever"(8)

George McClellan.

That is the answer to the question presented to "Carnac the Magnificent" by his friend, the Hobbit. The question itself was to name any candidate for a nationally-elected position with less capability for meeting the requirements thereto than Willard Mitt Romney?

George McClellan was fired, twice, by Abraham Lincoln. Despite an overwhelming differential in strength, McClellan was slow to move in order to take advantage over opposing rebel forces. Rather than "take the advice of his commanders in the field," Lincoln kept replacing McClellan until he found a general, Ulysses Grant, who could humble the gallantly under-manned rebels. McClellan, who held himself in much higher esteem, decided to accept the Democratic Nomination to oppose President Linccoln in the election of 1864.

McClellan took on a President whose entire administration was devoted to preserving the Union, and winning a horrible war. McClellan should have beaten the incumbent, simply because, he argued, it was taking too long and was costing too much. Many stories have been told of the enmity that developed between the two, but uppermost was Lincoln's opinion of a warrior who would not fight, and who let caution be his guide.

Lincoln narrowly defeated McClellan. As the war ended of course, Lincoln lost his life, and McClellan, well, he was elected Governor of New Jersey.

It is hard to say which one suffered the most.

There's always Mexico, Mitt.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:30 PM EDT

Updated: Tuesday, October 2, 2012 8:34 PM EDT

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Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Who Are You, Who, Who?
Mood:

incredulous
Topic: "A Three Hour Tour"(8)

"Hurry Mr. Frodo, you'll want to see this story about this Richard Nixon lookalike on the black-and-white," said Sam.

"Richard Nixon? Sam, that's not Richard Nixon, but I certainly understand why you felt it was. I think it is someone dressed as the cartoon character General Halftrack, Commander of Camp Swampy in Beetle Bailey. Youy know, the commander who was so insignificant that he never heard from the Pentagon."

"Ha Mr. Frodo, very funny, but you have to admit that whoever it is, he certainly looks like the proverbial 'deer in the headlights'."

"I've got it, don't you recognize him as the character played by Jim Backus on 'Gilligan's Island'?"

"You mean the one who was married to Lovie?"

"Thurston Howell III, for sure."

"You know Mr. Frodo, what bothers me is that this guy will receive millions of votes to be President of the United States."

"Well, even worse is the fact that just four short years after the Administration of the Incomparable Moron, the GOP produces the worst major party nominee for the office in anyone's memory."

"Yeah, and the inescapable evidence happens on the 225th Anniversary of the Constitution of the United States."

"Do you think Sarah Palin would be smart enough to play Ginger?"

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:14 AM EDT

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Saturday, September 15, 2012

Still Crazy, After All These Years
Mood:

quizzical
Topic: "Stragedy" (8)

David Ignatius of the Washington Post is a quiet thinker. Frodo enjoys his reporting, and often irritates people around him by silencing the entire room when Ignatius speaks. Of late, Mr. Ignatius has been provided access to communiques (E-mail, that is) received or initiated by the late, and unlamented, Osama bin Laden. Listening to Ignatius discuss his findings with Chris Matthews the other day, Frodo picked up a factoid which deserves, for many reasons, to be passed on amongst all who reside in Middle Earth.

Bin Laden was personally irritated by the descriptive "War on al Qaeda" as opposed to a "War on Islam". Bin Laden was noted to comment frequently that the President of the United States had managed to shift the nature of the struggle away from the continuing objective as defined by bin Laden, and bin Laden was urging his associates to shift the mind-set back to a "War on Islam."

Frodo notes the outbreak of violence against the West by extremist factions throughout the Arab world these past few days, and wonders if bin Laden's words might not be echoing back from that location where he now "sleeps with the fishes." Quixotic it may be that at the same time, there are those, relying entirely on an absence of fact, who may be seeking to argue that the President of the United States created a "War on Islam."

Mr. Ignatius has evidence to the contrary.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:34 AM EDT

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Monday, September 3, 2012

Burn Baby Burn
Mood:

cool
Topic: "Texas Exes" (8)

Every once in a while something preposterous strikes the attention of Frodo requiring him to put his considerable editorial efforts to work for the sake of institutional clarity. Perhaps, in 10,000 years or so, someone, or something, takes note of what follows herein, and feels the presence of a lightbulb brightening the path.

Jennelle Carrillo, according to her attorney, Michael Wash, in order to observe a Dallas Cowboys scrimmage, sat down upon a bench outside the Cowboys Stadium and Mausoleum created by Dallas owner Jerry Jones. A weather official stated that the outside temperature was 101 degrees when she made her unfortunate decision to rest thereon. The black marble bench was located in full sunlight. There were no warnings posted as to the advisability of such reckless action under such severe conditions.

A year later, the woman filed suit against the Cowboys, and Jerry Jones, alleging that she did not realize the extent of burns to her buttocks until she received medical attention. Treatment included hospitalization and skin grafts.

Long-time readers know that Frodo is no fan of either Jerry Jones, the Dallas Cowboys, Texas, barristers, or people with a "sore ass." His challenge would be, were he so inclined, to rule against all parties involved. He would do so however, only after learning of the physical location source for the skin grafts

Are ya ready for some football?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:52 AM EDT

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Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Those Were The Days My Friend, We Thought They'd Never End
Mood:

lyrical
Topic: "RNC--2036"(8)

"Good Morning from the scene of the 2036 Republican National Convention, and Welcome to 'Morning Willie.' I'm your co-host, Willie Geist."

"Joining us on the set today is Mika Brzenski, who was the original co-host on our predecessor show 'Morning Joe.' Mika is joining us this morning to help commemorate the final appearance of Joe Scarborough at this same point in the 2016 campaign and the unfortunate accident which brought about the untimely demise of our old friend and colleague."

"Good Morning Willie. I still can't believe it's been 20 years."

"Well, neither can former Governor Chris Christie."

"Can we play the tape back one more time?"

"Here it is, see Joe pulling out the chair for Governor Christie and how he slipped ever so slightly on the grease from the taco the Governor had been eating. Who'd have ever believed that someone would be crushed to death on our set like that?"

"On to happier times, Willie, didn't I hear you talking with your guest yesterday, the wise and wonderful Mr. Frodo, about the most bizarre coverage of a Republican Convention in your memory?"

"Oh indeed, and we all agreed it was the 2012 Convention but it was Mr. Frodo who made us remember especially why it was so bizarre."

"2012. That was Willard Mitt Romney, the Harold Stassen of modern political candidacy, wasn't it?"

"Correctomundo, did you remember any of the specifics recalled by the Hobbit?"

"Well, it didn't take me long to recall Anne Romney's proclamation that the theme song of the GOP should be 'All We Need is Love,' and to be followed simply minutes later by Governor Christie who decried that dedication and replaced it with "R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find Out What It Means to Me."

"That made the whole world aware of the fact that Romney couldn't even get his surrogates to sing the same tune."

"Well, how do you think Anne Coulter will do in this current race for the Republican nod.?"

"I was kind of wondering if she might pull out a chair for Christie when he appears on our show tomorrow?"

"I'll bring donuts."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:59 PM EDT

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Saturday, August 25, 2012

Rocket Man
Mood:

a-ok
Topic: "Wink at the Moon"

There is a bright and beautiful half moon in the skies over the Shire this eve. Frodo and Newest Friend stood side-by-side, one looking for squirrels, the other doing as suggested by the family of one whom Frodo never knew. Frodo tried to explain to Newest Friend why the man named Armstrong was so important, and why Frodo felt that a "wink at the Moon" was something he would rather do, recognizing that squirrels in the tree-tops deserve attention, too.

Frodo took a picture that night long ago with an extremely complicated camera which captured images to be shown on a slide projector. He followed the instructions of "Uncle Walter," so that he could forever capture the moment about which more than 40 billion humanoid eyes had dreamed throughout the Ages. The moment in July, 1969, when Frodo, his sister, and both his parents joined all the world on the cathode ray tubes that satisfied dreams and deeds beyond all the achievements of Man and Hobbit alike.

Frodo has no idea where that slide is this night. It matters not, for he will always remember where he was and what was said. May he also remember winking at the Moon, and the rustling of squirrels in the treetops of the Shire, standing there with Newest Friend, of whom much remains unsaid.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:13 PM EDT

Updated: Sunday, August 26, 2012 11:26 AM EDT

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Thursday, August 9, 2012

Everything's Gonna Be All Right
Mood:

rushed
Topic: "Joe Soptic" (8)

Joe the Plumber was a guy who really bugged Frodo. Given his experience even listening to the misinformation provided by this cartoon character, it is not surprising that Frodo is very hesitant to pay homage to first-person testimonials on political issues. However, when Eric Erickson, Rush Limbaugh, and Ann Coulter apparently simultaneously lose the capacity to formulate Frodo has to take a closer look.

What he learned was that Willard Mitt's speechwriter, who held the same position in behalf of John McCain, had noted that the topical former steelworker would have been eligible for affordable healthcare had he been a resident of Massachusetts and "RomneyCare," and that perhaps his wife would also have survived her terminal cancer. This in response to a soon-to-be issued advertisement chastizing Romney for the typically heartless activity which made Romney a gazillionaire in the first place. The conservative harpies attacked the employment status of the speechwriter, utilizing words like "moron" to describe the apparently unapproved statements. Almost immediately the argument was made that this was simple back-tracking by Willard Mitt, and was an approved statement after all.

By dawn's early light nearly all of the talking heads, including those routinely supporting the President, were condemning the fact that anyone would use a campaign add to purloin the reputation of a candidate. No one, Frodo supposes, remembers the "Swift Boat" assault on John Kerry.

Frodo wishes to back-up just a few entries and remind you, dear reader, he has taken the position in support of the principle that a drowning opponent should be thrown an anchor, not a life preserver. Even if, and Frodo is not so stating, there are flaws in the story, how will Coulter, Limbaugh, and Erickson clarify their positions before the American electorate?

Joe Soptic looks like a guy who has been dealt one of the bad hands evident in the lives of so many. He differs from Joe the Plumber in that he simply characterizes the thought that Willard Mitt doesn't comprehend the price that others pay when you sacrifice your soul for a few sheckels. For that reason, Frodo is comfortable with what has been said.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:02 PM EDT

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