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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"A-Train"
"AAARRRGGGHH" (6)
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Balls"(10)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"bitch,bitch,bitch"(6)
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Bushenomics"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Checkmate"(5)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Colosseum"
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"DevelopmentalStudies"(4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"DroughtExitStragedy"(3)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"ERA"
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hatfield-vs-McCoy"
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Homeless"
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"Impregnated"(10)
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"MatriculationMadness"(5)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"McCan't"(9)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Memories"(10)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mudbums"(9)
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"Nevermore"(6)
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"Nkosi"
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
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Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Boston Ain't Your Kind of Town
Mood:  suave
Topic: "Je suis Frodo"(10)

Solemnly munching his Freedom Fries Frodo wondered about his future, indeed our future.  He remembers his father once telling him that the French were the most fearless of fighters, because they were fighting for their homeland upon their homeland.  Then he listened as dishonest and ignorant neo cons cajoled the French for failing to join them in their war against everyone with whom they disagreed.  Now he reads of the historical collapse of the French Colonial Empire at a place called Dien Bien Phu and the birth of something called the "domino theory."  All of this he notes occurred in the days that followed Frodo's first steps in Middle Earth.  It is not, coincidental, if you will.

It surprises Frodo not at all that the French are much like the Men of Gondor or the Riders of Rohan who independently battle the forces of the Ring.  When, finally, they begin to join together against the greater Evil they find themselves facing Orcs whose very cognomen suggests a disdain for knowledge.  Frodo calls them the "Ho Ho Koran".

In the Shire the tendency is to express contempt if not pure superiority over artists and sculptors.  In response the French have been rude and most concerned about the continuation of month-long vacations.  Frodo has been waiting for the inevitable conclusion that a wall must be built to protect the culture that is France.  

There are 5 million in France identified as ethnically-challenged.  This compares to 500,000 thousand Jewish who fear for their lives as a separate entity and who now consider solace in the land promised.  The housing needed in that circumstance exceeds the agreements now in place, thereby threatening the peace to an even greater degree.  Clear it is that the Ring is still at hand, worn by any who act independent of all the peoples of Middle Earth.  They march in darkness.

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:11 PM EST
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Thursday, December 11, 2014
Don't Be Cruel
Mood:  irritated
Topic: "Confusion Reigns"(10)

Frodo believes that Alzheimer's is an outgrowth of the Internet.  During the span in question he has changed "servers," "passwords," "user ID's," and countless other security devices on multiple and numerous occasions.  The result being that he is no longer able to distinguish one from the other, and he is unable to recall when, or even if, he made any of the alterations to his "profile."  Additionally, observations follow. 

Some inhabitants of Middle Earth have televisions that can be moved anywhere, according to their wildly amusing commercials, and they have no need for the cords which spin madly beneath Frodo's personal computer.  Frodo obviously does not qualify for this level of service.

Some of Frodo's neighbors have "high definition" pictures on their television screens.  Frodo has a tree in his next door neighbor's yard which obstructs the necessary satellite which is sufficient for "regular" service, but not for HDTV. 

Frodo has used the same e-mail address for so long that he is apparently totally overlooked by the "hackers".  Recently, he had his personal computer check-up, only to find that it had been more than 458 days since his "malware detector" had run a security scan which identified the presence of these miniature land mines.

Passwords will be the death of Frodo.  Smeagol has apparently created a thousand million passwords and placed them each on small pieces of paper and placed them all within the confines of Frodo's wallet.   There is no other logical explanation for more than five of any of these nonsensical conglomerations of letters and numbers which are beyond the definition of utility. 

Finally, there are electronic machines, all of which seemed to serve a distinct purpose in times past, which when now called upon seem to no longer possess either instructions or any definition of operational credence.  This past evening, Frodo broke down in tears while attempting to playback a DVD movie which required three separate remote controls, a VCR, and another device which blinked off-and-on without apparent purpose.  Sam, thank heavens, rescued the Hobbit once again.

Frodo does not have a complex telephone.  He does however seem to have a battery which has devised its own language, and borders on system collapse whenever Frodo may be rash enough to consider putting the device into use.  Frodo would like to swear here and now that he will never "upgrade" to these "I-pads" or whatever.  He thinks longingly of the hero passenger pigeon who saved the "Lost Patrol" during World War I and recognizes that he was not GPS-guided. 

 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:28 PM EST
Updated: Sunday, February 15, 2015 4:08 PM EST
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Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Thinking About the Things We Used to Do
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "Memories"(10)

10:55 AM.  October 29th.  Annually.

"Well, I know where I was X# years ago at this time."

The telephone call that established the basis for the Greenwich Median would emanate from Frodo's Mother wherever she might be at precisely the same time every year.  Changing time zones east-to-west eventually altered her precision for Frodo's physical location, but the thought never changed, during all those years.  Now it seems so long ago.

Frodo still receives digital and audio transmissions from many kind souls marking his relationships on his birthday, and it is difficult, to say the least, to record absences when so many remain ever present.  This year includes many newbies, and Frodo is sure that additions will continue at a frenetic pace throughout the year to come.  It is the telephone however, which rings not, that mobilizes his neurons and causes him to reach for a receiver that summons no Hobbit.  Perhaps the imagination is what distinguishes the difference between the celebrations of youth, and the lamentations of age.  If that be so, the Hobbit will talk with Mom for a few minutes, then gird himself for life's daily challenges.  The Ring lives on. 

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:15 PM EDT
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Saturday, September 27, 2014
Makes You Wanna Holler Heigh-de-Ho, Burns Your Tummy Don't Ya Know
Mood:  cool
Topic: "How Dogs Love Us" (10)

Several weeks ago, official canine protocols were violated by Dandy (successor to Mick, the Wonder Dog).  Independently, Dandy discovered a cache of spoiled food which he promptly proceeded to ingest.  Despite his protestations to the contrary, punishment commenced.  The following day, Frodo and Sam, accompanied by the entire canine contingent, including the miscreant Dandy, departed for holiday.  The transit took nearly seven hours portal to portal.  Upon arrival the contingent was released from their "hidey holes" and granted access to appropriate facilities.  Dandy reflected a serious level of diarrhea distress.  Over the next twenty-four hours, the suffering reached a worrisome level for the Hobbits.

On nine occasions overnight Dandy would enter the bedroom of the Hobbits whining in pain, seeking passage to the facilities out-of-doors.  Every time Frodo walked out with his friend helping him when possible and observing the increasingly ugly bloody product.  Frodo prepared himself to visit a nearby emergency veterinarian.  Sam convinced him to wait a full twenty-four hours, allowing the cycle to match the similar experiences of the Hobbits at various times in the past.  Frodo was not sure, but he acquiesced to the wisdom of Sam.

The following afternoon as Frodo lay nearly napping, Dandy entered the bedroom and jumped upon the bed.  He stretched his entire length of body upon the Hobbit and laid his head on the chest of Frodo.  Their eyes met, and Dandy commenced to lick Frodo upon the chest.  It was an uncharacteristic moment, and Frodo soon realized that an act of gratitude was taking place.  It was Dandy's way of telling Frodo that he felt much better, and he was, well, grateful, for the assistance.  Perhaps "I love you Frodo" was being communicated between species?

Several days later Frodo was introduced to a book written in 2013 by a scientist at Emory University.  It is entitled "How Dogs Love Us: A Neuroscientist and His Adopted Dog Decode the Canine Brain"(Gregory Berns).  The tale is of a scientist who was eventually able to obtain an MRI of his dog, in order to answer the questions ever wondered by man about his canine companion (Imagine getting any dog to endure 15 motionless minutes of mechanical sounds and movement in an MRI in order to take hundreds of comparative pictures, if you will).  Eventually, the scientist began to draw conclusions from the movements and responses in the canine brain patterns.  He feels strongly that dogs are "appreciative" of their human "masters" but he stops short of "love" as something his analyses could confirm.

He should have asked Frodo, and Dandy.  Sometimes you just know. 

  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 12:02 PM EDT
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Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Stuck On You
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: "Impregnated"(10)

The gardens of the Shire and the environs thereof are awash in the coming beauties of autumn and the sinking sunlight of shorter days and longer nights.  Frodo finds some new joy almost everyday.  However, there is a problem, Houston.

There are little green sticky-to-its which seem to afflict the Hobbits, including the canine contingent.  These invisible monsters mate with every sock or plumed tail which presents itself anywhere adjacent to the presence of chlorophyll.  When the opportunity finally presents itself to physically remove each one of these refugees from an old icebox, the process is marred by the casual discovery of yet another gathering of the sexually-transmitted diseased.  The little bastards are everywhere, and they seem to offer evidence to the existence of climate change, due to the apparent increase in their presence.  Why else would a mindful supreme presence continue to manufacture these little turds?

Frodo loves a walk in the woods, but he has grown fearful of the threat encompassing his pulmonary passages and the potential risk of a headlong fall down a mountain trail while bending to remove a sticky-to-it.  Dandy, successor to Mick, the Wonder Dog, plants his front paws in the sand and refuses to enter the paths of green which tempt him whenever the plague subsides.  Until such time, nature will remain a darkening temptress, and the persistent little sexual transmitters wait for even a passing deer or bear to fall victim.

Hmm, Frodo wonders what would result should he place 25 or so amid the bird feeders currently deluged by squirrels?  Possibly they'd eat them, then again, they probably wouldn't.

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:53 PM EDT
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Sunday, September 14, 2014
I Believe in Miracles
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: "Back inthe Saddle Again"

Baseball players have an off-season.  Republican Members of Congress never, well hardly ever, show up for work at all.  Given that level of precedence it seems only logical that Frodo decided to stop and take a deep breath.  He came to the conclusion that the struggle for the Ring requires his participation, so those who just sort of hoped that he "go away" are sorely disappointed.  Frodo is just going to be a little bit smarter and patient, and, hopefully, funnier.

Since last he visited, Frodo has found that the once charismatic e-mail is falling swiftly to the Facebook, the LinkedIn, and other communication tools which are giant steps beyond WKBW in Buffalo, WLS in Chicago, and WOWO in Fort Wayne, which are all preferences of the Hobbit's past.  That, Frodo figures, is why he has not been the subject of deluge by worried followers who have wondered about the silence.  Citizens of Middle Earth do not need the Hoibbit to tell them how to vote, or to interpret the wisdom of some in opposition to the foolishness of most.  The Men of Gondor and the Riders of Rohan need a good laugh, a tender memory, or even a tear or two to give each of them a moment to similarly take a deep breath, and thus to decide the path in the yellow wood.  Frodo has returned, and he will stay.

Has anyone heard about the lady from Nantucket?


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:04 PM EDT
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Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Back in the USSR
Mood:  smelly
Topic: "Prudent" (10)

Dana Carvey is a comedic actor who is best remembered for his mimicry, particularly on "Saturday Night Live," whence cometh characters such as"the Church Lady" and "the first President Bush."  Frodo picks on him this day because of his frequent use of the term "prudent".

President Obama now faces the miasma of Foreign Policy, which seems to absorb every American President in the latter stages of administration.  His opponents appear so intent upon the political that the unity which such decision-making requires begins to disappear even when the decisions are unequivocally in the national best interest.  Frodo was struck by the fact that one supporter of the President used the term "prudent" to describe the wisdom exercised by President Obama.  Frankly, Frodo wishes he had used another word.

Norman Schwarzkopf had Saddam Hussein in his sights and could have taken him out except for the fact that it was deemed to be "not prudent."  Had that decision  been reversed, there would have been a much earlier determination that there were no "weapons of mass destruction".  Similarly, no one would have paid any attention to the "Neocons" who argued for war against Saddam Hussein, and relaxed the effort to destroy bin Laden.  Those decisions, obviously, underscore the meaning of "prudent".

Frodo hopes that "prudent" is replaced by "statesmanlike."  Bill Kristol would be apoplectic, as well he should.  The President knows what he is doing, and he is doing it well.

 


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 11:36 AM EDT
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Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Workin' in a Coal Mine
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: "Pope for a Day" (10)

"Mr. Pope?"

"Yes my son?"

"What, exactly, do you think your 'Big Guy' thinks about the Georgia State Legislature?"

"You mean those guys who assumed the responsibility for not funding healthcare assistance to more than 640,00 of their constituents?"  Even, as I understand it, the cost of which was to be totally funded by the Federal Government for the first three years and at a level not less than 90% annually thereafter?"  Is that what you're asking about?"

"Mostly, but I'm probably more curious about what your 'Big Guy' would say since the constituents are overwhelmingly poor, elderly, the very people if you will he demands that his followers service."

"There is a place for those who are hypocritical, who claim to follow him, and who ignore his teachings in reality."

"Texas?"

"Close, try again."

"Mordor?"

"Actually I was thinking of Gwinnett County.  We all know that God does not love those who live there."

"Are you saying that the Georgia State Legislature will reap as it has sown?"

"Have you noticed that none of them are underweight?  That diabetes increases exponentially?"

"Are they trulu that foolish?"

"The mortal sin my son, is greed."

"Any advice for me?"

"Delta is ready when you are."

  


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 3:04 PM EST
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Monday, March 3, 2014
Cherokee Nation, Cherokee Tribe
Mood:  vegas lucky
Topic: "Jack Crabb" (10)

"One hundred and eleven years ago, when I was ten years old. . .", Dustin Hoffman. portraying character Jack Crabb in the film "Little Big Man."

Ten years ago, Frodo stepped upon the world stage as "The Keeper of the Ring."  Logical it is that he comment on what the world may be like when one hundred and eleven more years have passed. 

There will still be a Texas, and therefore an ample suppy of nuts with guns.

There will still be a Constitution of the United States, however amended thirty-three more times (predominantly by Texans).

There will be no need for fossil fuels, except in those locations where people consume "long-neck bottles" of something that tastes like fossil fuel.

There will be more inmates in Texas prisons than there will be inhabitants in all of the fire ant mounds in the State of Mississippi.

The NRA Party will present the Official hooded mask costume to be worn by all the 250,000 attendees at the scene of their Convention in Dallas.

The number of schoolchildren victimized by gunfire in scholastic settings in Texas is reduced to zero (given the fact that the last public schools were closed before the end of the past century).

Jerry Jones will develop his fourteenth Dallas Cowboys Sadium at a cost of $1,000,000,000 to taxpayers, seating 500,000, and America's team will again be quarterbacked by veteran Tony Romo (hoping to finally make the play-offs).

Finally, Mexico will commence legal action against undocumented aliens from Texas seeking freedom and justice south of the border.

The Ring, it seems, will still be present as long as evil exists (see Texas, above). 

 

 

    


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:16 PM EST
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Friday, February 28, 2014
In Them Old Cotton Fields Back Home
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: "www.arlinbuyert.com"(9)

Boromir was a warrior, but amongst the fellows of the ring he was but a gentle giant.  After the lands of Middle Earth he emerged as a poet, if not a chronicler of lands like the Shire, where fields glistened in green rather than in the blood of its inhabitants.  Boromir was proud of the fact that his fields were rich and his sword was clean.

This summer Boromir will return home.  He has been invited to read his poetry to his former classmates, his neighbors, old girl friends, and  those with whom he practiced war games.  It will be a time of tears shed for those who walk unseen in the gardens at night, while farmers rest.  It will be a celebration of words and music to celebrate the land, and the farmer.

Warriors wait for another day.  This land was made for you and me.


Posted by loveysdaddyga at 1:07 PM EST
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