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" Citizen Soldiers" (5)
" Putin' Out" (5)
" Thin Ice"(9)
""I Ain't Got Much" (5)
""Soft Memories" (7)
"$100, Are You Sure?" (5)
"0 Preservative Added"(2)
"105 Minute Workday"(9)
"16 Percent Factor"(3)
"176,000,000 to 1"(8)
"26 Damn Dollars"(6)
"3 Percent Turnout" (2)
"37 Come 11" (5)
"3:10 to Yuma" (7)
"50 Weeks of Reality TV"
"501 (c)(4)"
"54 Pounds" (8)
"8.8 Pounds"(6)
"A Capitol Idea" (6)
"A Code in My Node"
"A Course is a Course"(2)
"A Day At The Beach" (3)
"A Dog Named Bo" (5)
"A Hobbit of an Idea"
"A Man's Army"
"A Patriot Act" (7)
"A Patriotic Act"
"A Perfect World"
"A soldier booed?'(7)
"A Space Odyssey" (4)
"A Taxing Story" (5)
"A Thousand Campfires"(4)
"A Three Hour Tour"(8)
"A Touch of Class"(5)
"A Waisted Day" (5)
"A Woman Scorned"
"Aagh,I'll Pay,I'll Pay"
"Abe Wong, of Gondor"(5)
"Act I, Scene I" (8)
"Act I, Scene II" (8)
"Act I, Scene III" (8)
"Adjustable 2nd Card"(3)
"Adjusting Policies"
"Adjusting the Clock"(8)
"Aegean Adventure" (2)
"Ah ah ah Stayin' Alive"
"Airline Highway" (5)
"Alan Scott" (7)
"All Aboard"
"All Bets Are In" (2)
"All Charged Up"
"All Good Things" (4)
"Allah Be Praised" (5)
"Almost Heaven" (2)
"Alpha Dog"(7)
"Alright, Who Did It?"(7)
"Also Sprach Frodo" (4)
"Always Wear Gloves" (3)
"AM Radio Next?"
"America's Toilet" (6)
"American Cemetery"(8)
"An Admission"
"An Apple A Day" (7)
"An Hour A Day" (6)
"An Ugly American"(4)
"Anchorman" (6)
"And the Winner Is" (2)
"Andy Griffith Redux"
"Another Single Woman?"
"Another Three-namer"(5)
"Another Time/Place"(4)
"Anvil Throwin' Time"(8)
"Apocalypse Now?" (3)
"Aragorn" (4)
"Armored Dildos" (3)
"As Far As We Know" (2)
"Ask Ann Landers" (3)
"Assembly LineDancing"(4)
"Astronaughty" (2)
"Atlanta Times Three"
"Augmentation" (2)
"Augustus Agonistes" (5)
"Aurora Borealis" (8)
"Autumnal Observances"(2)
"Avast You Lubbers"(6)
"Baby Doctors (2)"
"Baby Fiona"(7)
"Baby Nathan Yahoo"(10)
"Back Door Basra (2)"
"Back inthe Saddle Again"
"Bad Boys, Bad Boys"
"Bad Time for Bonzo" (3)
"Balance of Nature" (3)
"Balance of Payments"(5)
"Balancing the Budget"
"Ballamer" (4)
"Bang the Drum Slowly"
"Bank Prank" (5)
"Baptists are Pussies"(7)
"Barbed Wire Escape (2)"
"Barbie Banditos" (3)
"Barely Bearble"(7)
"Barely Defensible" (2)
"Barry Me Not (2)"
"Bathroom onna Right"(3)
"Beach Music" (7)
"Because It Is Hard" (4)
"Beechwood 4-5789"(6)
"Belling the Cat" (2)
"Ben McGee" (3)
"Benny and the Jets"(5)
"Berlusconi in Love"(6)
"Best be straight Boy"(5)
"Best Day/Worst Day"(6)
"Best in the South" (5)
"Best in the World?"(5)
"Betray Us" (3)
"Bettah than Etta"(4)
"Better Man" (3)
"Better Than Pong"
"Big Time Sports" (3)
"Big Words,LittleMind"(6)
"Bilbo's Birthday (2)"
"Bilbo's Little Boy"(5)
"Bilbo's Revenge" (5)
"Bill and Hillary (2)"
"Billy World" (2)
"Bimini Babes" (3)
"Bird is the Word" (3)
"Birmingham Jail" (5)
"Birthday Baggins"
"Birthday Buddies" (7)
"Birthday Memory" (4)
"Birthin' No Babies" (3)
"Bishop to King's Castle"
"Black Friday" (2)
"Black Gold, Texas Tea"
"Black Hole Blues" (4)
"Black Jack"
"Black Russians" (6)
"Black Widow" (3)
"Blackboard Jungle"
"Blame Game" (3)
"Bleached Bones" (5)
"Blitzkrieg Bellini" (2)
"Blood and Swash" (3)
"Bloopers" (5)
"Blue Christmas" (2)
"Bo's Birthday"(5)
"Bob Sikes' Cut"(9)
"Bob, Bob, Bobbit" (3)
"Bobby, not Ben"(6)
"Bon Air Bellicose" (4)
"Bon Giorno" (6)
"Bona Lisa" (5)
"Bonds-v-Skvara" (3)
"Boo Boo Poo Poo"(9)
"Boromir & Galadriel"(5)
"Bottled in Thyme"(7)
"Bottom Ten"(9)
"Bovine Stem Cells?"
"Boy, I Say Boy"
"Boycott BP"
"Breaker, Breaker" (4)
"Breakin' rules" (7)
"Breaking News" (7)
"Brer Fox (2)"
"Bridge at Andau"(11)
"Bring Back Ross" (2)
"Bring the Bowl"
"Broken News"(10)
"Brother of the Ring"
"Brownback Mountain"
"Brownie Hawkeye"
"Buckwheat Breathes" (2)
"Bumper Sticker"
"Burn Baby, Burn" (3)
"Bush in the Bullrushes"
"Bush Baby, Bush (2)"
"Bush is Chinese?" (2)
"Bush Press Conference"
"Bush-Bashers Be We (2)"
"Busman's Holiday(2)"
"Butt...Butt...Butt" (3)
"Butterflies? Sheesh!"
"Buttermilk Drops" (3)
"Buy a Subaru" (11)
"Buy Stock in America"(6)
"Cabin Fever" (5)
"Cain Not Able" (7)
"Cake in the Rain"
"Cake in the Rain"(3)
"Call Me Ishmael" (3)
"Callista, an Albino?"(7)
"Camp Pleasant" (2)
"Can She Name Them?(2)"
"Can You Hear Me Now?"
"Canaan Conspiracy"(6)
"Candygram" (4)
"Captive Audience"(6)
"Caramel or Carmel?"(3)
"Carolina Cougar(2)"
"Carolina Curmudgeon" (5)
"Cartoon Characters" (3)
"Case of Packy Stann"(3)
"Cash crash crashed?"(5)
"Cat Fight" (5)
"Caterpillar Quandry" (3)
"Causal Relationships"(9)
"Cause It's One, (2)"
"Ceramic s"
"Ch-ch-changin'" (4)
"Change a'comin" (5)
"Change is Good" (5)
"Change?" (3)
"Changin' Channels" (2)
"Chapter 13"
"Chariots of Fire"
"Chariots' a' Comin'"(4)
"Chassahowitzka" (2)
"Chauncey Gardner"(7)
"Chemical Alley" (6)
"Cheney of Fools" (2)
"Cherem" (3)
"Chew my Gazebo, Willya?"
"Chief Noc-a-Homa" (3)
"Chingachgook Lives"
"Chipmonkeys Alert (2)"
"Chipper" (6)
"Christian Balls"(10)
"Christian the Lion"(4)
"Christian Valuelessness"
"Christmas Communique"(3)
"Christmas, 1936" (2)
"Chutzpah Hooters" (4)
"Cilled a Bar?" (3)
"Cindy, oh Cindy"(4)
"Citizen Soldiers" (2)
"Clark and Lois (2)"
"Classified Ads are Cool"
"Claymore Gregg" (3)
"Clean Machine" (2)
"Clean up in Aisle 4!"(4)
"Climb It Chains" (8)
"Clinton Cuts" (7)
"Clone Chipper,Please"(4)
"Cockatiel Lounge" (2)
"College of the Shire"(6)
"Combat Kelly (2)"
"Come On Baby"(8)
"Come on Down" (3)
"Comin' Clean" (5)
"Comin' Home" (3)
"Commencement (2)"
"Comparables" (6)
"Condi for President" (3)
"Cone of Silence" (4)
"Conflagration" (3)
"Confusion Reigns"(10)
"Congress Goes to War (2)
"Congress' Schmidthead"
"Conspiracy Theory" (4)
"Copy Cat Chinese" (5)
"Country Roads" (7)
"Crawford Convention" (2)
"Crikey" (2)
"Crime and Punishment(2)"
"Crotch Rocket Delite"(4)
"Cult of the Wild"(7)
"Curious, George?"
"Currahee" (5)
"Da Juice Is Back" (3)
"Dad" (5)
"Damages Done (2)"
"Damn Close" (4)
"Damn It To Hell" (5)
"Damn Lies" (7)
"Dandy Dale" (7)
"Danger Will Robinson"(5)
"Danger,Will Robinson"(8)
"Darth Dick" (5)
"Darwin's Company" (4)
"Das Boot"
"Das Ende" (6)
"Date With David" (2)
"Day of Infamy" (4)
"Day-O, Me Wan Go"(7)
"De Tar-Ball Baby" (6)
"Dead Honkey"
"Dearest Bilbo"
"Debits on the Left?" (2)
"Decisions, Decisions"(6)
"Deep and Dark" (5)
"Deep Shiite" (3)
"Degree of Separation"(6)
"Deja 1958 Over Again"
"Deja Who?"(7)
"Delano" (4)
"Diazinon Ditties (2)"
"Dick Clark Top 10(2)"
"Dimmer Switch" (6)
"Dirty Copter" (4)
"Do They Like Kool Aid?"
"Doctor, Mr. MD"(9)
"Dodged a Bullet"(7)
"Dogmobile" (3)
"Dogs Rule"
"Doing the Right Thing"
"Don't Cut My DSL" (5)
"Don't Feed the Animals"
"Dont Touch That Dial"(6)
"Doofus" (9)
"Doohan's Delight" (3)
"Doris Miller" (6)
"Dorothy Rose" (4)
"Double Deal" (6)
"Doubting Thomases" (3)
"Doug Williams"(4)
"Dover" (4)
"Down Below Back Home"(4)
"Downtown Cardinals"(9)
"Dr. Phil" (5)
"Dubai-Bye" (3)
"Dueling Banjos" (3)
"Dumb and Dumber" (3)
"Dumb As We Wanna Be"(3)
"Dumber Than Dirt" (3)
"Dumbest Politico (2)"
"Eager Uighurs" (4)
"Early Admission" (8)
"Eight Nine Four" (4)
"Elect Jeff Jackson"(10)
"Elizabeth I" (5)
"Emily Latella Lives"
"Emperor's Clothes" (2)
"End of the Line"
"Ending Sams Patience"(7)
"Engine Uprisin'" (4)
"Ensign Pulver"(5)
"EOTUS" (5)
"Equinox Approaching"(10)
"Equinoxious" (4)
"Escalator Escalatin'"(5)
"ESP" (6)
"Etchings, Anyone?"(5)
"Ethel Merman Lives"
"Eve, It's Oil!"
"Evenin' Govnah" (6)
"Everyday Miracles"
"Evil Thoughts" (3)
"Eye Opener" (3)
"Eyes of a Gorilla"
"Fair is Fare"(7)
"Falcon" (8)
"Fall Ball" (3)
"Fallin' Behind"(11)
"Falling Apart" (9)
"Fargo Felines" (5)
"Fashionable Frodo" (5)
"Father Ed" (3)
"Faux les Bas" (2)
"Female Insurgency (2)"
"Ferengi or Ferangi?" (3)
"Fergit? Hell No!"
"Film at 11"
"Findin' William"(11)"
"Firing US Attorneys" (3)
"First Freeze" (6)
"First Learn to Lose"
"First National Bank" (5)
"First Sentence" (8)
"Five Easy Pieces" (4)
"Float Yer Boat" (4)
"Flower Power (2)"
"Foe Years Old" (4)
"Follow the Money"
"Followin' Ava" (4)
"For More Years" (3)
"Forbidden Fruit"
"Fords and Dads" (2)
"Foreclosure Follies" (7)
"Foreclosure Notice" (6)
"Forest Primeval"(8)
"Form 666" (3)
"Forms For Everything"(6)
"Foundling Fathers"(7)
"Fourteen Years Ago?"(5)
"Fox Views" (3)
"Frack You" (7)
"Frances Died Today"(7)
"Fred's Dead Head" (3)
"Free at Last"
"Free Hidden Telecast"(4)
"Freedom? Hell No" (3)
"Friend by Your Side" (3)
"Friend by your Side" (4)
"Friendly Persuasion" (5)
"Friends of Bill" (7)
"Frist Friends"
"Frodo and Housman" (2)
"Frodo and Jesus"
"Frodo and Revere?"(7)
"Frodo And Truckers (2)"
"Frodo Dissents" (6)
"Frodo Not Foggo (2)"
"Frodo of Arabia(2)"
"Frodo Op" (5)
"Frodo Regrets"
"Frodo Study Group" (2)
"Frodo visits Bilbo"
"Frodo's Almanac"(9)
"Frodo's Bad Day"
"Frodo's Book Club"(5)
"Frodo's Dilemma" (3)
"Frodo's Faux Pas" (3)
"Frodo's Final Four" (3)
"Frodo's Foreign Policy"
"Frodo's Hall of Fame"(4)
"Frodo's Newer Friend"(6)
"Frodo's Retirement"(8)
"Frodo's Revenge"
"Frodo's Revenge"(7)
"Frodo's Solutions" (6)
"Frodo's Xmas Story"(6)
"Frodo, James Frodo" (3)
"Furriners" (4)
"Gainful Employment" (3)
"Galadriel Is No More"(3)
"Gandalf's Challenge (2)"
"Garland Duesenberry" (2)
"Gas Guzzler A-Go-Go"
"Gasp, Wheeze (2)"
"Gay Faux Holes" (5)
"Genarlow de Chariot" (3)
"Genesis Ignored" (3)
"Geneva Accords Redux"
"Geography Lesson" (3)
"George to the Rescue"(3)
"Georgia on my Mind"(3)
"Getting Your Wish" (3)
"Gidget Goes Gondor"(7)
"Gimme Head With Hair"(3)
"Girls Night Out" (6)
"Give 'em Hell, Tom" (5)
"Give Heath a Chance (2)"
"Give Us Your Tired. . ."
"Giving Way to Anger" (2)
"Glenn Frey"(11)
"Glory Days"
"Goin' Home" (3)
"Gondor Goodfellas"(9)
"Gondor Gravitas" (3)
"Good Cop" (7)
"Good Day America" (6)
"Good Friday It Was"(9)
"Good Friday, Maybe"(11)
"Good Ol Mountain Dew"(5)
"Good Son"
"Goodbye Kids (2)"
"Goodbye, Ethan" (2)
"Goodman is Hard to Find"
"Goose Again"
"GOP Convention" (3)
"Gotta Have a Home (2)"
"Grading on a Curve"
"Graffiti Government" (2)
"Great American Hero"
"Great American Hero" (2)
"Greatest Duet Ever"(6)
"Greed is Good"(5)
"Greetings" (8)
"Grissom not Gruesome"(4)
"Groupies for Edwards"(4)
"Guess We Forgot?"(8)
"Guest Workers (2)"
"Guns of August" (7)
"Guts of August" (3)
"Gwinnett Again?" (3)
"Halo, 1,2,3?" (3)
"Ham I Am" (3)
"Handi-Wipes" (3)
"Hang 'em High" (2)
"Hanky Time, Ladies"
"Happens in Threes"(5)
"Happy Anniversary"(9)
"Happy Mardi Gras"(2)
"Harpo Speaks"
"Harry" (2)
"Harry's Bar-Venice" (2)
"Hawkeye, Redux"(7)
"Haz Mat" (3)
"He Ate the Olive!"(7)
"He is deeply missed (2)"
"He Picks Up Poop?" (5)
"He Took De Bait" (8)
"He's 'Little Ricky'?"(7)
"Healthcare for Frodo"(5)
"Heart Soar Like Hawk"(5)
"Heck of an Engineer"(7)
"Hedge Fund Hippies" (3)
"Heeeerrre's Frodo" (3)
"Heeere's Johnny" (6)
"Heeerrrre's Frodo" (3)
"Hello, Mr. Wilson" (5)
"Hello? Central?" (3)
"Help Wanted"
"Helping Frodo" (4)
"Here Come da Judge" (2)
"Here Come da Judge" (6)
"Here Kitty-Kitty" (4)
"Here Kitty-kitty"(5)
"Here's Help, Now Leave"
"Here's Your Watch" (3)
"Hi Jinx" (5)
"Hide Anythin' Edible"(5)
"High Chair" (2)
"Hobbits And a Truck"(4)
"Hold On Romo" (2)
"Hold the Malaise" (4)
"Honey Dew List"(9)
"Hopalong Frodo"(9)
"Horn of Africa (2)"
"Horse Latitudes" (6)
"Horsehockey" (3)
"Hosea Can You See" (3)
"Hosea Can You See?" (3)
"Hot Tamale" (3)
"Hotel Plimhimmon"(9)
"HOV or DOA?" (3)
"How Dogs Love Us" (10)
"How Many Delegates?"
"How Many Delegates?" (3)
"How Now Broun Cow"(8)
"Hraka" (4)
"Huckleberry Hound" (3)
"Hund Scheisse CSI" (5)
"Hungarian Answer" (4)
"I Believe in Music (2)"
"I can hope, can't I?"(9)
"I Could Cry" (2)
"I Inspired You?"
"I say it's Spinach. . ."
"I'll Get Back to You"(3)
"I'll Huff and Puff" (4)
"I'll Take a Vowel"
"I'm Baaack" (2)
"I'mSo In LoveWithYou"(7)
"Ides of March Again" (4)
"Ides of Texas" (6)
"IED's in Congress" (2)
"If Frodo Ran The DHS"(5)
"If It Ain't OneThing"(5)
"If the truth be told"(6)
"If You Remember,Then"(6)
"If" (6)
"Imagine,General Newt"(6)
"Imitation of Life" (5)
"Immigration Reform (2)"
"In a Galaxy Far Away(2)"
"In a Pig's Eye" (4)
"In Dog We Trust" (10)
"In the Beginning"
"In the Beginning" (3)
"Incomparable Moron" (4)
"Indoor Toilets Rule" (4)
"Intersex Village" (2)
"Interstate Parking (2)"
"Ion Propulsion"(7)
"Iran's Tom Hayden"
"Irish Spring"(3)
"Is it in the Water?"
"Is That in America?" (2)
"Is You da One,Jimmy?"(3)
"Islamic Fundamentals"(8)
"Isn't Amnesty Good?"(3)
"Isn't Change Good?"(6)
"It's A Trap" (6)
"It's Just a Movie"
"It's Just Business"
"Ja, Wir Konnen."
"Jack Crabb" (10)
"Jambo Jumbo" (3)
"Japanese Movie?" (3)
"Je suis Frodo"(10)
"Jefferson Rock" (3)
"Jes' the facts Ma'am"(4)
"Jim Crow" (5)
"Joad Family Reunion?"(6)
"Joad Jobs" (4)
"Joe Soptic" (8)
"Jonestown Redux" (3)
"Jose and Claudia" (4)
"Joshua Generation" (3)
"Just Another Day" (3)
"Just Clearin' Brush"(3)
"Just Desserts (2)"
"Just Desserts" (7)
"Just Say 'Nyet'"(7)
"Just to CU Smile" (5)
"Kandy Kakes 2"
"Ken Meets Jack"
"Key Word Apology" (6)
"Killer's Geraldine" (4)
"Kilowatts Per Mile" (6)
"Kiribati Republic"(6)
"Kirk Saves Nemo"
"Kiss a Girl Goodbye"(2)
"Knew You Not Pompey?"(3)
"Kodak Moment" (2)
"Kool Sailboat" (4)
"Korea, Korea" (2)
"Kudlow's Kreeps"(4)
"Lady of Rohan" (3)
"Land Ho"(8)
"Lean and Hungry " (2)
"Leeward, I Say, Leeward"
"Legs Diamond" (3)
"Legs" (3)
"Leslie" (4)
"Lessons Learned" (2)
"Let Them Eat Cake"
"Let's Bake Cookies" (3)
"Let's Play A Game" (6)
"Letter Home" (6)
"Letter to Lou" (4)
"Liberal Lament" (40)
"Lief, Leaf, or Loaf"(8)
"Life In A Red State"
"Lights of Chicago"
"Like a Barack" (2)
"Limbaugh Hero"(7)
"Lime Bandits" (3)
"Lime is on my side" (6)
"Limestone Cowboys" (3)
"Lip Smackin' Good?"(6)
"Little Big Horn (2)"
"Little Houdini" (5)
"Little Sky"
"Littlest Angel" (2)
"Livin' is Easy?"(7)
"Loans and Deposits" (4)
"Lois, I Never Lie"(8)
"Lonely Avenue" (3)
"Lonesome Frodo" (3)
"Look away Dixieland"(6)
"Look for da Union Label"
"Look Who's Talkin'" (2)
"Lookin' Back, Texas" (3)
"Lost Weekend"(8)
"Low Water, Slow Flow"(3)
"Lox? Or Locks?" (7)
"Lunatic Cattle Call"(8)
"M-G-M Material"
"Ma Bell is Baaack" (3)
"Ma Bell Lives" (7)
"Macaca, Your Macaca" (2)
"Mad Dogs&Englishmen"(6)
"Made You Look" (6)
"Magic Fridge (2)"
"Magic Moments"(7)
"Make Jobs, Not War"(7)
"MaMa's Little Babies"(3)
"Man For All Seasons" (2)
"Man of the Century"
"Man Up, Harry"(6)
"Man's Best Friend?"
"Many happy returns"
"March Forth" (8)
"Marking Time" (3)
"Martyr Magic" (2)
"Marvelous Mac"(8)
"Mary Lee & Genie"(8)
"Master of None" (8)
"May Day, Comrade"(7)
"Maynard G. Krebs" (7)
"Medal of Honor" (6)
"Media is the Message(2)"
"Media Reporting" (6)
"Mental Healthcare" (4)
"Michelle, my Belle"(7)
"Mick's Day"(8)
"Mickey and Me"(6)
"MidSummer Nights Dream"(7)
"Mikileaks" (6)
"Missionary Position" (3)
"Missionary Position" (7)
"Mississipp' Sippin'"(2)
"Mister Roberts" (8)
"Moamar:The Movie"(7)
"Mohair Sam" (5)
"Mon Petit Shoe"(4)
"Monkeys in Mississippi"
"Moody Blue"(7)
"Moody" (7)
"Mooman" (3)
"Moon Over Miami"(4)
"Mooosic" (5)
"Moovin' On Up" (2)
"Mordor or Antarctica?"
"More Than Some" (4)
"Moultrie Poultry" (3)
"Mount Mulch" (2)
"Movin' On Up" (2)
"Mr. Toad's Motorcar (2)"
"Mumbai, My Lord" (4)
"Murtha For President(2)"
"N. Leroy" (7)
"Name That Tune"(4)
"Nascaroil" (4)
"Nat King Cole Sucks"(5)
"NCAA---Blech!" (7)
"Nein, nein, nein"(7)
"Never Doubt Bilbo"
"Never heard of him"
"New Life, Old Leaves"(4)
"Newest Friend"(8)
"Newman's Own" (4)
"Newt/Mitt '12" (3)
"Next Case" (6)
"Next Door Neighbors" (3)
"NFL Commissioner (2)"
"NFL Trade" (3)
"Nielsen Ratings" (2)
"Nine Months PG" (7)
"Nixon Agonistes" (3)
"No Faux News?" (3)
"No Googling Allowed"(4)
"No Humor Today"
"No Peanut Left Behind"
"No Sale" (3)
"No, Not Russian" (4)
"No-No, No" (3)
"Nobody Even Asked"(8)
"Noo Yawk Stateamind"(2)
"Not a Bang,a Whimper"(7)
"Not Funny, Dr Jones"(5)
"Not North Carolina" (6)
"Not Percy Sledge?" (3)
"Not Percy Sledge?"(3)
"Number One" (3)
"Number Please?"(7)
"Number, Please"(8)
"Numbers Don't Lie" (3)
"Numbers Racket" (4)
"Obama Doctrine" (5)
"Obama's Generals"(5)
"October Dreamin'" (4)
"Ode to an Athlete (2)"
"Ogal Preston Crews (2)"
"Oh Kenny Boy (2)"
"Oh the possibilities"(8)
"Oh Ye White Whale" (3)
"Oh, Sadaharu" (2)
"OK Baptist Chorale" (4)
"Old McDonnell's Farm"(7)
"Old Time Baseball"(9)
"Old Times Topic" (6)
"Olympic Changes" (4)
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"Wait 'Til Next Year"(2)A
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"You Take the High Road"
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"Zounds, you varlet"(4)
Southern Pine Beetles"(4)
The H Word" (6)
Citizens of Middle Earth
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Return of the King
Frodo, Keeper of the Ring
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Those Were The Days My Friend, We Thought They'd Never End
Mood:  hug me
Topic: "Dead Honkey"
Frodo had watched every single one, and that is why he would not watch this one. Every time, Frodo would get so spitting angry at him that he would say things impolitic and venomous. Time after time he would start a speech by saying "Mah fellow Amurricans, I cum before yew with a heavy hart. . .," and Frodo just couldn't stand to hear that ever again. It would be followed by the numbers. 247, 299, 206, 311. . .the number of American troops who had died that week. That is why Frodo drank beer, rather than watch the television, on the night that Lyndon Johnson announced he would not seek re-election.

Eugene McCarthy had openly challenged the President of the United States for the nomination of his own party, and he was winning the minds of America's heart. Frodo's candidate was Robert Kennedy who, not unlike everyone else, was on the sidelines and sanguine about a challenge to a sitting President of his own party. Eugene McCarthy had the intellectual courage to challenge and to fight for what was right. Lyndon Johnson withdrew rather than continue the struggle against McCarthy and his supporters. It was a challenge that Frodo knew McCarthy eventually would lose, but Frodo, for all the years that followed, always stopped to listen when Eugene McCarthy spoke. He would not say what someone wanted, he would say what he felt.

Eugene McCarthy said he could not bear to watch the second inauguration of George W. Bush because he considered him a moron.

Richard Pryor sat across from Chevy Chase and they portrayed an employment interviewer and a job applicant. The questions were bureaucratic, and the responses appropriate. That is, until the question came to race, and then the staccato epithets of "Spade," "White Trash," "Jungle Bunny," and "Honkey" were peppered back-and-forth by these premier comedic actors. Frodo was hysterical with laughter, and he started a television affair with the outrageous nuance of hilarity and social discourse. Perhaps the best way to get along together was to laugh at each other openly? Frodo promised himself that he would be like Richard Pryor and to always say to anyone what he would say to everyone else.

White people in Atlanta do not have the courage to tell their black neighbors what they call MARTA (Metropolitan Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority) when there are no black people around. Frodo would tell anyone that they say "Moving Africans Rapidly Through Atlanta." Frodo wonders what would happen if Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney asked Governor Sonny Perdue what MARTA really meant?

Eugene McCarthy and Richard Pryor died on the same day. Frodo cannot think of anyone else who symbolized the iconclastic era of the 1960's as did these last two survivors of the decade with purpose. With their passing the "sexy sixties" become history, not memory.

Frodo needs a hug.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 10:01 PM EST
Updated: Sunday, December 11, 2005 10:06 PM EST
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Friday, December 9, 2005
Lead Me On, Tease Me All Night Long
Mood:  down
Topic: "Queen of the Damned"
Anne Rice, the incredibly macabre author of "Interview With a Vampire," could not have imagined a more appropriate character as United States Secretary of State. Her namesake, Condaleeza Rice (no relation as far as Frodo knows), travels the world and uses the bully pulpits of diplomacy as did the character Lestat, an actor on stage. Frodo feels a chill everytime she smiles and extends her hand to a willing foreign dignitary. Frodo looks at the neck of Jacques Chirac and Tony Blair to see if there are band-aids in the jugular areas.

Secretary Rice has been trying to convince the world that the United States would never do anything evil. Lestat, of course, did his best to convince his potential victims that they were merely being entertained by coming to see him on stage. Then, on their way home, he could drop out of the shadows and have a late brunch.

The Japanese have decided to keep their 500 troops in Iraq a bit longer. Frodo notices that their Prime Minister seems a bit pale. Perhaps he has a touch of Avian Flu?

Gerhard Schroeder has not been seen in public for quite some time. Evidently a woman named Merkel is now running a "minority coalition" government in Germany. The Germans will continue to aid in the instruction of the new, improved Iraqi militias.

In France there have been a simmering series of night time disturbances to protest certain government policies. Mysteriously, nobody seems to get arrested for anything, since they disappear during the day.

Ariel Sharon has apparently reversed his life-long positions on the Gaza, and has surrendered the territory to the Palestinians. Frodo notes that Sharon no longer appears in public, and that he seems to be gaining weight. Perhaps he, too, has taken a page or two from the teachings of Lestat.

Frodo could offer additional instances for consideration dear reader, however he has a sudden urge to tie a strand of garlic about his neck and to sharpen a wooden stake or two.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:23 PM EST
Updated: Friday, December 9, 2005 8:34 PM EST
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Thursday, December 8, 2005
The Biggest Fool to Ever Hit The Big Time And All I Gotta Do is Act Naturally
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: "A Man's Army"
Two small stories converge for Frodo this coming Saturday.

From the time when he was the smallest of Hobbits Frodo has always found the Salvation Army Kettle and dropped pennies into it at Christmastime. Long after the downtown department stores with their magnificent displays followed the Great Auk into oblivion, and countless years after sitting on Santa's lap, the lonely bellringer stands in Frodo's memory. Sometimes in silence, sometimes with a boisterous "Merry Christmas," the symbol of Christmas giving is as important to Frodo today, as it was when his father had to hold him up in order to drop his coins into the kettle.

Frodo joined with some other citizens of Middle Earth a few years ago who shared but two things in common. They were all male and they found themselves contained within a world without the spirit and the dialogue of the "locker room." Getting older, they were busy in their versions of Mount Doom and with their families and respective institutions of choice. They had little opportunity to do "guy things," or to gather in simple camaraderie with no strings attached. They raft rivers, tour museums, visit a monastery, all in a brief respite from the insular world of the 21st century.

This Saturday Frodo and a fellow Hobbit, Antonio Banderas, will stand in front of the Wal-Mart on Ashford-Dunwoody in the Shire between 2 and 4 PM and they will ring the bells for the Salvation Army. They will be preceded, and succeeded, in pairs throughout the day by the other members of their clan. Frodo will wear the red apron, ring the bell, and dance a little dance if it helps to raise money for the Salvation Army and all of its' fine work.

Perhaps a small Hobbit will reach his hand to the kettle struggling to push his coins into the slot. If he wishes, Frodo will let him ring the bell. Frodo can hardly wait.

The Shire is not accessible to all who read these words, so if you are out and about this Saturday, and happen upon the bellringer, please stop by and drop a coin or two into the kettle. Tell the bellringer that it is "For Frodo."

It'll drive 'em crazy.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:08 PM EST
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Wednesday, December 7, 2005
We Gotta Get Right Back Where We Started From
Mood:  silly
Topic: "Que?"
Frodo is a long time fan of Basil Fawlty, proprietor of the English Bed & Breakfast known as "Fawlty Towers." John Cleese, the brilliant comedian and member of the heralded group known as "Monty Python," portrayed Basil Fawlty. The interplay between Basil Fawlty and the Spanish-speaking waiter, Manuel, was a highlight for Frodo. Manuel would invariably inquire of the mercurial proprietor, "Que, Mr. Fawlty?" That was always a clue for massive inability to communicate.

John Cleese has written a satirical letter to the citizens of the United States of America entitled "Fawlty America." Frodo has always believed that satire should be read not only for the humor, but for the serious aspect of constructive criticism. From his letter, Frodo quotes the following:

"In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence. . .Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
. . .the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:. . .
2.There is no such thing as 'US English.' We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. . .
5.You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. . . will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
7.All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. . .
8.The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol. . .roughly $8/US gallon. Get used to it. . .
11.The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. . .American brands will be referred to as 'Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine,'. . .
12.Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. . .
13.You will cease playing American 'football.'. . .Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American 'football,' but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). . .
Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are even aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.
14.You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. . .
Thank you for your cooperation."

Funny? Frodo is prepared to defend Miller Light, the Atlanta Braves, the Internet, the Second Amendment, Ford Motor Company. He realizes then that none of them need defending. The satire is one of man's oldest weapons, just ask Dante Machiavelli. He is long remembered beyond the subject of his publication "The Prince."

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:23 PM EST
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Tuesday, December 6, 2005
I Went to See The Gypsy And Had My Fortune Read
Mood:  accident prone
Topic: "Slippin' and a Slidin'"
Dominica was discovered on a Sunday by Christopher Columbus on his third voyage to the New World. In 1987 the British Colony was given its' independence. The inhabitants speak Creole, and the island is comparatively underdeveloped and poor. The primary aspects of commerce are bananas, offshore banking, and trafficking in narcotics. The island receives more than 350" of rain per annum, and is physically dominated by an extensive rain forest. The movie "Pirates of the Caribbean II" starring Johnny Depp is being filmed there now.

Frodo and Sam were excited about the treetop tram adventure to explore the Rain Forest on Dominica. Their guide explained that all passengers would be transported by van to the crest of the 4000' mountain. From the Depot at the top they would glide at treetop level for almost two hours, observing native flora, fauna, waterfalls, and anything else that might wander into view.

Frodo and Sam were in the second of five vans filled with tourists. The drive up the mountain was not unlike a typical trip into the hillsides of West Virginia. The road was narrow, steep, and it hugged the mountainside leaving no space for a downward traveler of any kind. The view was spectacular all the way up, and Frodo looked for Velociraptors for this was surely a model for "Jurassic Park."

Frodo noticed a great deal of mud in the road and attributed it to the frequent rainfall, but did not think much of it. That is, until he noticed the van in front slowing noticeably. Frodo, it should be noted, was sitting at the very rear of the van on the outside, behind the driver, over the rear wheel. Sam sat next to Frodo.

The front van accelerated as it approached a very large mudslide extending all the way across the road. The wheels slid left and right but the van motored safely to the other side. Now it was time for Frodo's van to give it a go.

The van did fine about halfway through, then all traction disappeared, and the vehicle began to slide back toward the road's edge. Frodo's body temperature spiked as he looked over the edge to the bottom of the volcanic valley far below. Amazingly, the vehicle halted before the wheel slipped over the side. Without warning the driver accelerated and started back into the slide area, trying again. For the second time the van turned even sharper toward the precipice, and the lady sitting in front of Sam began to freak out entirely. Frankly, Frodo wasn't doing so terribly well himself.

When the van came to a complete stop in the almost identical spot as before, Frodo started to make his way to the van door closest to the mountain. He was thrown back into his seat as the driver floored that sucker and headed off through the mud again. This was obviously becoming a macho thing with the driver, whom Frodo felt looked very much like a well-tanned George W. Bush. Again, the van's wheels began to spin without purpose as the van settled once again at the very edge of the cliff. At this point, Frodo was leading his fellow travelers in an insurrection to prevent the driver from trying it again.

Frodo was imagining what the newspapers back in the Shire would report. He foresaw the following on page 8 of the Metro Section, "Shire travelers killed in freak accident on Caribbean paradise."

Workers carrying shovels began arriving from the Tram Depot at the crest of the mountain. The first van had notified them of the problem and sent them down to help. Frodo helped supervise.

Finally the van was cleared to try again, but Frodo and his fellow travelers stood on the other side of the mud and waited for the driver.

The rest of the trip was uneventful. Frodo did see the largest hummingbird he'd ever imagined, but he was disappointed that none of the native flora he observed were of the "cannabis" variety. The waterfalls are worthy of Dorothy Lamour. At the end of the tram ride, and before starting downhill in the van, the travelers were treated to as much rum punch as they could drink. Frodo set new consumption records.

Frodo also sat on the other side of the van.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:50 PM EST
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Monday, December 5, 2005
It's Life's Illusions I Recall, I Really Don't Know Life at All
Mood:  not sure
Topic: "Frodo's Bad Day"
Sam's Father has not been doing very well, so Sam had to go and pay him a visit. Frodo could not tear himself away from Mount Doom. The weather is very threatening. Miss Ellyn, who normally visits the Shire to take care of Rocky, Fiona, Mick, Georgia, Sydney and Beau Neau had illness in her family and was unavailable. Miss Heather has been called off the Practice Squad and is the starting Middle Linebacker.

Frodo's day at Mount Doom started off with the loss of a nice piece of business. It was swiftly followed by another. When the day ended, it ended with someone not telling Frodo the truth and failing to do what they had promised. Frodo was made to look very foolish to a client.

Sam called and informed Frodo that the gallant Howard, the giver of great gifts to Frodo, was doing very poorly. Frodo is very sad for his friend, but he is even more sorry for himself.

The weather has gotten colder, and there is snow not far from Sam and Howard. When Frodo returned to the Shire, Rocky greeted him with the complete contents of his stomach, all over the kitchen floor.
Georgia decided that dinner was not in her sphere of interest. Fiona felt it necessary to dispose of the remnants. Now her tummy is grumbling.

Frodo has a small headache which seems to be gathering strength. Another US Marine was killed by a road side bomb near Baghdad. One of the starring members of Frodo's Gallant Braves has signed a free agent deal with the Los Angeles Dodgers. There is absolutely nothing on television, and the telephone keeps ringing with calls for contribution and subscription.

Did Frodo mention that it is getting colder outside?

Frodo stares into the mirror in his bathroom. The good news is that it isn't George W. Bush staring back at him.

Two days from today is the anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:11 PM EST
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Tuesday, November 29, 2005
You Made Me Feel Brand New
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: "Chariots of Fire"
January, 2000, the dawn of the new millenium. It started in the Islands of the Kiribati Republic and worked its' way all around the planet known as Earth. In virtually every land people celebrated the new century with fireworks and festival. Virtually every land.

Mehamed was awakened by the screams of his family--his father, mother, three brothers and two sisters were attacked in their sleep by hyenas and killed. Mehamed somehow escaped death but the attack left him with serious injuries to his head and face. Mehamed's father had been a herdsman in Ethiopia, and his family moved about the countryside with their herd of sheep, goats, and chickens. Suddenly, all of the life that Mehamed had known was gone.

Al and Kitty Gomez of Peachtree City, Georgia, served as host family through the efforts of Children's Cross Connection, USA, an organization that provides medical services to children in underdeveloped nations. They watched as Mehamed underwent 10 surgeries to reconstruct his face. More are scheduled. They watched as he learned to speak English in less than six months although he had never had any formal schooling. They watched as he became an integral partner to their four other children. When the time was right they adopted Mehamed.

Mehamed Gomez is now a freshman at Landmark Christian High School. He will not talk about the attack on his first family. He does say that he misses them and the life that he once knew. It is running that has helped him move on with his life.

Mehamed Gomez is the Number Three runner on the Cross Country team. "It feels good to run; it gives me something else to think about. If I don't run, I wouldn't be using the talent God gave me."

The numerous surgeries have impacted Mehamed's training, but his coach feels that he will develop into a top-notch runner. "There is one aspect of American life I cannot understand," he said. "I cannot stand to watch more than 30 minutes of television. I enjoy the outdoors."

Frodo will watch the newspapers knowing that someday he will have an opportunity to watch as Landmark Christian visits one of the schools in the Shire. On that day Frodo will go and cheer for a young man with wings upon his feet, and if truly fortunate, perhaps have the opportunity to shake the hand of Mr. Al Gomez.

Frodo believes that he will share the sidelines with a herdsman.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:14 PM EST
Updated: Tuesday, December 6, 2005 8:51 PM EST
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Monday, November 28, 2005
He Took a Hundred Pounds of Clay
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: "Presidential Erection"
Architecture is a lost art when it comes to Frodo. Maya Lin, the genius who designed the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, should feel relatively secure in the fact that Frodo could not have duplicated her design had he been given an infinite amount of time, an infinite number of monkeys, etc. Frodo appreciates the explanations given him by those who have an "eye" for such things.

Frodo has been contemplating architectural design as he has thought about the Memorial which is sure to someday commemorate the current unpleasantries in the Middle East. First off, Frodo proposes that the future Memorial should be dubbed the "Pre-Emptive Strike Monument ." In that way the "War Against Terrorism" and the "Iraq War" can be combined into one money-saving edifice. The nature of the structure itself is another matter however, and Frodo can foresee much disagreement.

The "Domino Theory" of the Vietnam War prescribed that all of the countries in Southeast Asia would fall if the United States failed to confront the Communist threat. A reverse "Domino Theory" apparently specifies that if one country in the Middle East successfully implements a capitalistic democracy then they all will. This foreign policy enigma of "one begets another" has become the justification for two similar and equally controversial wars separated by only a generation in time.

Frodo visualizes a Monument with large black tiles scattered all about the Mall. Each tile will carry white spots to signify a certain value. The tiles will touch at various points to reflect the interlock between cause and effect. As "one begets another" in the game of Dominos, so shall it be recognized in the "Pre-Emptive Strike Monument" that one stupid judgment produced another.

Now if Frodo can only figure how to incorporate George W. Bush picking his nose into the final design, then he will have caught the entire significance of the tragedy. Maya Lin, eat your heart out.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 8:40 PM EST
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Sunday, November 27, 2005
You Made Me Leave My Happy Home
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: "Here's Help, Now Leave"
Frodo has always had a very good memory. He remembers exactly how he felt when the President was shot, the wonder of the night when the Astronaut stepped onto the Moon, and even the first forced kiss laid upon him by Kitty Kreft. Frodo recalls telephone numbers more than thirty years old, and can return to the front door of a home or business he visited no more than once or twice when he was a very young Hobbit. It is a very mixed blessing.

Suffering is something that also stays in memory. The loss of life and property on the Gulf Coast is an astronomical burden which weighs heavily on all the Citizens of Middle Earth. The outpouring of feeling and support for the victims has been very gratifying. Things are changing, however, and Frodo can't seem to separate the pathos from progress, and that is what is noted below.

Capitalists believe that one takes responsibility for his own life, and that even disaster comes with a point at which assistance is no longer necessary as long as the individual is mentally and physically able to fend for himself. Human beings, Frodo believes, experience inertia when torn from the normality of life. Grief and self-pity may continue as long as necessary, and sometimes they both continue longer than expected or necessary.

The capitalists and the victims are coming into conflict. The capitalists are setting dates at which temporary housing assistance ends. Complaints are seen in the media that victims seem to be "taking advantage," and are not exercising sufficient effort to find work or to re-establish their independence. The victims are hesitant to return to an area where levees remain questionably safe, where neither electricity nor water have been re-established for residences, where schools are still closed, and where the dangers of toxic waste are ever-present.

The people of Orleans were the poorest of the poor. Poverty and its' problematic causes were there all along, and they were not erased by the kindness of strangers during a crisis. The problems were merely moved into other towns and cities with the victims. Many of those towns and cities truly believed that there were no problems such as these in our great land, that they had been corrected by time.

It is too bad that people in these towns and cities do not share Frodo's memories. People make do, they just don't make do at the same level, or the same pace, or in the same manner. America has found that there are a lot more poor people than they thought, and they have no idea how to deal with the problem. They have forgotten what Abraham Lincoln said about poor people, and that God loved them.

George W. Bush returns from another vacation tomorrow, and he will tell us how well he has managed the pre-emptive war. He will tell us all that any mistakes weren't his fault, it was the result of "bad intelligence." He must think that changing subjects will make Frodo forget. He wouldn't lie about it, would he?

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:00 PM EST
Updated: Sunday, November 27, 2005 9:06 PM EST
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Friday, November 25, 2005
Goin' Away For to Leave You, Might Not Come Back Anymore
Mood:  cool
Topic: "Winter Solstice"
Despite December 21st and the gradual lengthening of days that follow, Frodo knows that Winter officially entered the Shire on this date. Once heard, it is the honk that emanates from an old Model-A Ford which is the sound that compares to the Sandhill Crane, in flock, passing overhead. Frodo and Mick, the Wonder Dog, stopped their work in the gardens of the Shire and stood silently this blue sky day when the first flock passed overhead on the way to their winter feeding grounds. It seemed like just last week when they flew through vicious thunderstorms and threats of tornado to brighten the days in the marshes far to the north of the Shire.

Mick was not encouraged by the thought of cooler days despite his personal preference for the temperatures. Mick knows that Frodo will toil at Mount Doom throughout most of daylight and that games of soccer and tennis ball will be rare and brief. He watched the flock passing overhead, and turned his head to comprehend the news communicated to those below. He rushed to the lime green object at Frodo's feet, picked it up in his mouth, and held it to Frodo's hand for the requisite toss into the leaves atop the lawn at the Shire. "Hurry Mr. Frodo, there is a game afoot, and tennis balls to be returned. Hurry Mr. Frodo," said the Wonder Dog.

Frodo's preparation of the garden for the winter would have to wait. Sqirrels could scamper freely, and Mr. Beau Neau could wander unmolested as he wished, for the game would not be delayed. Frodo tossed the ball, aiming for the upper rim of a boulder which bounced the ball skyward, followed closely by the Wonder Dog using the same as a springboard to grasp the elusive ball with his back to Frodo. Twisting in midair the Wonder Dog would land facing Frodo, and the ball would be returned at breakneck speed albeit much more moist than but a moment before.

After several tosses and requisite retrieval, Mick found a cool spot to sit and rest. With great speed and leaping ability the Wonder Dog is hindered only by a lack of wind. The game, for the moment, is at an end, but both participants revel in its' outcome. Frodo returned to his tasks, and the cacophony continued overhead. Mr. Louis Armstrong had it right.

Posted by loveysdaddyga at 9:21 PM EST
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